The deed is done

The rollercoaster events of the past few weeks came to a conclusion yesterday. Once the decision for me to have a mastectomy was made last Wednesday we began to make plans for the weekend. Being away from home helped, and while we obviously discussed the operation, we also concentrated on having a good time.

The music festival got off to a great start with workshops about the poetry of Lord Byron and it’s musical settings, followed by a day on Debussy. There were evening concerts and meals in our favourite restaurants.

On Saturday night we drank a little too much, and Master took a few photographs of me naked in our Airbnb living room. I don’t know if we will ever show them, but we have a few good shots for ourselves.

Sunday was spent at a study session, learning about classical composers and their music across European and transatlantic borders. Then we travelled home. Driving home in the rain we encountered heavy traffic, but once home spent the evening quietly.

By now we both felt ready to face the inevitable. It was time to get this operation done. The time for commiserations done. On Monday morning I had an early breakfast and then we went back to bed for a while. Snuggled together he stroked and kissed me before bidding farewell to my right breast.

It turned out to be a long day

Although we arrived at the hospital at 12.30, I didn’t go for the operation until 4.30. My son came over to spend the afternoon with us. A slightly surreal but pleasant afternoon passed.

My first ever anaesthetic and operation passed smoothly and by 6.45pm I had woken up. I was amazingly awake and felt pretty good. The first face I saw as I arrived back on the ward was Master’s. A feeling of immense relief passed over me. Within minutes I was speaking to my son on the phone to reassure him all was well.

As I lay in my bubble of post surgery euphoria, I snuck a peek inside the front of my gown. My left breast remains in tact, its nipple still holding the plastic bar I bought for the operation. My right side is flat, the wound hidden by dressings, it’s breast and nipple is no more.

There were 4 of us women in our shared bay, all recovering from surgery for breast cancer. After Master and other visitors had left we lay in our beds talking about our experiences to date. Reflecting on this shared journey. Our nurses were kind and compassionate, encouraging us to talk.

It was a long night

Only one of us slept last night and that someone wasn’t me. The ward was quiet, but each of us had our lower legs encased in machinery designed to prevent thrombosis. The intermittent noise generated by each one seemed to prevent sleep. Added to this, regular observations by the diligent nursing staff and alarms elsewhere meant none of us slept for more than a few minutes at a time. Still the sence of cameradey carried us through to breakfast at 7am.

While the two women who had lumpectomies headed home at lunchtime, two of us remain for another night. I am hopeful of being sent home tomorrow. I faced my bare chest in the bathroom mirror this morning as I washed and don’t relish the thought of seeing my scar. But this has to be faced, and now hopefully the cancer is gone. Difficult days lie ahead for me and for him. But we are facing this together.

Blogging A-Z 2018: H

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

H is for His

He cals her girl. This girl; His girl
He is her Master, her Lord and she His slave
She is His slut, His cum puppy. He controls her orgasms, they belong to Him; His.

He is her owner and she His property
People may find this difficult to understand but for her this is fact. She is His to love, to hold and to control.

Her body is pierced for His pleasure; nipples and clitoris. Her pleasure is His to have, to hold and to control.
She wears a collar, His collar. This is a sign of her slavery of His ownership, that she is His property.

She is His Bitch, Master’s Pleasing Bitch

 

 

Blogging A-Z Challenge: L

Last year I wrote about limits, love and lust. Having read it back, it is one of those posts that on reading again makes you glad you keep a blog. What about this year though? This year, L is for labia

L is for labia

This is not an area of my body that I had given much thought to. Partly because you can’t really see your own labia very easily without a mirror. Master though is very interested in inspecting all aspects of his property. That includes the inner and outer folds of the vulva, as well as my clitoris. According to this cosmopolitan article the labia majora are 7-12cm in length and the inner, labia minora 2-10. Who measures their labia? Obviously mainly people who read cosmopolitan magazine. I’ve never measured mine, but suspect they are longer than most. The outer labia have also been stretched from time to time with weighted clamps. Surprisingly this doesn’t hurt particularly and I find that it makes the inner labia and clitoris more sensitive.

It would be great, I think to get my inner labia pierced, a nice accompaniment to my clitoral hood piercing. I suspect this would be a painful procedure, but probably worth it. I really do need to get around to having it done rather than talking about it.

Comment from Dayliacatt

I highly recommend inner and outer labia piercing. I got mine done Sept last year, a ring in inner on either side and a bigger ring on the outer. I’ve got another 4 i will be getting done this next wk, so i will have 3 on each outer labia. I love being padlocked closed, i love them being pulled, the inners hurt like mad.

The outers hurt a lot but after it was done they didn’t really hurt, they were uncomfortable for a bit, took about 6 wks to heal properly but i love mine.and they have stretched a bit now.

Submissive Coffee Club #226 (

Piercings 

 

We had only been together for a couple of months when Master told me that he would like me to have some piercings. Interestingly this was something I had also wanted for some time. I had discussed the idea with a previous Dom, but the time didn’t feel right for me and certainly that relationship was’t.

This time, Master and i discussed our ideas and they appeared to match up. We agreed on both nipples and clitoral hood. I was clear at the time that these would be my piercings, and while he came with me, I did the research and paid.

However, from the day that I was pierced they felt significant to us. They were real, but also a symbol of something that we both shared. They signified something I had been willing to do for him. A confirmation of my submission and his dominance over me. This feeling has continued.

Of course, such piercings are only as permanent as you wish them to be. If I removed my nipple bar now, the hole would probably be closed within hours. However, that probably isn’t the point. I really would like more piercings, and we are considering ones to the labia. These would be more significant, more painful and perhaps a little more kinky.

We have also discussed a tattoo. I held back on this for a long time as it was a feature of his previous relationship. Plus I am nervous for reasons of pain and permanency. However, I feel I am ready to do so. This relationship is as permanent as any can get and I know it is something he would like. For us it would be a real commitment.

From my point of view, commitment to the relationship is important, however equally so is that you both want this body modification. I may be a slave, but ultimately it has been a joint decision and something that has been for me to agree to.

pierced nipples – the reality

Getting on for 3 years ago I had my nipples pierced. It was the first sign of my submission to him and something I had thought about for a long time. In many ways it has been a fantastic experience, a source of erotic discovery. It has made my nipples more sensitive and it has made me feel sexy at a time when my body is changing through age.
But finding the right kind of jewellery to wear has been more of a challenge. I have discovered that buying online is fraught with difficulty, what size ring or bar should you buy? How can you insert a ring when a bar was put in place by the piercer? How do you get those little balls in place (yes how do you do that when your manual dexterity isn’t what it was and you can no longer see the damn indent).
How to do you open and close the rings? How can you stretch those nipples? Which jewellery looks the prettiest?
Yep, this is the reality……..

 

365 Questions – 21st January

Today I wish I had more ……

Tone in my breasts. But I am a menopausal woman who is approaching 55 years of age. When I touch myself these days the flesh beneath my fingers feels soft and spongy rather than firm. This change is more noticeable when I am lying on my back, when the force of gravity causes them to fall away to the sides. The skin, once smooth and free of blemishes is puckered and if you look closely there are stretch marks. Signs of a time when I carried more weight and also the time when I was breastfeeding and my breasts swelled with milk.

But, all is not lost. They are a decent size and when I stand they retain sufficient tone that they are yet to droop down to my waist. Master loves to hold them in his hands, to pull and suck my nipples and he adores the piercings. We both love the piercings, the very first thing we did as a sign of my submission and his ownership of me and my body. When I wear a supportive, but well cut bra I know that I still look like a woman with a good pair of tits, or jugs as he often calls them.

My breasts may have lost tone, and they may be soft and squidgy rather than firm to the touch, but they are still a reasonable asset. Even if I had the money, I don’t think I would seek to change them, to enhance them, pretend I was 20 years younger. They are part of who I am.

 

T is for …

Torture and tits, sometimes these two things go together.

Torture in our relationship, might be the collective noun for all of the things that Master loves to do to inflict pain but also to give pleasure to his slave. What is more, he has a large collection of implements with which to achieve whatever outcome he is seeking. In those first few days of our relationship when it was all about play, I gave him the name gadget man here on my blog. The fact that he owned so much kinky stuff that could be used on another person was almost mind blowing, especially when you are blindfolded and don’t know what he might pull out of the cupboard next. I have come to both love and hate some of those toys, often in equal measure. The violet wand for example, generating pain and arousal, while crackling with electricity is both thrilling and a little scary. Master loves to explore new ways of making me wriggle, flinch and ultimately orgasm by using different attachments, and by touching different parts of my body and of course piercings. I will often complain, moan that I don’t like something, knowing all the time that I really do get off on it.

He has a number of floggers, paddles, whips and the like, he has leather bindings to tie you up, harnesses, dildos and vibrating things including the wonderful hitachi. Also though he can apply torture with his bare hands, pinching and twisting bits of my body. He also loves to bite and to see the  bruising that appears as a result. Tit torture is a bit of a favourite of us both, and having the piercings makes that all the more possible.

I have always been proud of my tits, they grew when I was pregnant and thankfully never returned to their previous smaller size. They are not too big – I am a 36D `- and have not shrunk down too much since this recent journey into weight loss (I have lost 1.5 stone, or 21lb). They are a little less pert than they were, however. I think this might be a menopause thing, which I am now about 2 years into.  The need for a supportive bra is increasing, however I think I can still get away with Master’s preference of no bra, when we are out and about especially during the summer. My nipples are not huge and so I am happy to give the stretching thing a go, something I plan to do over the coming weeks when I am home alone in the evenings. We’ll see what the results are. The nipple piercings did take time to heal, but now that they have done so I am enjoying trying new jewellery. Pierced nipples have added to the sensitivity of them and also to the enjoyment we both get when Master plays with them. It also gives more opportunity for torture!

A close up

P is for…………

Present for her nipple piercing (one thing today)

Master presented his girl with a present at the weekend. Something to help to stretch her pierced nipples. It would be true to say that both Master and slave are interested in stretching her nipples for His pleasure. 
The bar is a little bigger than she is used to and it turned out that she could only manage to insert one into the right nipple. So, the left will rest for a couple of days before she tries again. Once the bar is in place, you fit the twisty cone thing and then gradually extend the nipple through the metal work. It is comfortable to wear, even when the nipple has been stretched through a couple of turns through the metal coil. It is a little uncomfortable inside clothes right now, and so would be good if you were sitting naked. This girl, being alone tonight has slipped into her pyjamas, though has found it necessary to expose her right tit. Something made her feel that putting a butt plug in place this evening could work well as a combo. 
This gadget may well lead to hours of painful pleasure and arousal. 

N is for……..

Nipples and new things

They took time to heal, but now that they are, I am enjoying trying out some new jewellery in them. Master has just bought some nipple stretchers which are for pierced nipples, and so we will be trying them out very soon. Photos to follow……

What is His

Weeks and weeks go by in a blur. Work happens, we go out and about; concerts, theatre, films, meals. Then are the times we just chill out and do little. Sex is always part of those times as is the undercurrent of our M/s dynamic. Sometimes though a little more is needed. This week this girl must have known something, or perhaps gave off some specific vibes as she wore her but plug for 5 of the previous 7 nights. There is something very comforting about the feel of that metal inside. The weight of it, the coolness as you push it in, the sense of arousal that is ever present. Waking with it still inside, feeling the need to lie there for a few moments before the day starts imagining the metal being replaced with Master’s own hard organ.

It had been a while since this girl had taken seriously her responsibility to prepare herself in this way. It had also been a while since he had expressed the desire to use her arse. But this week she did and He let her know what was in His mind too.

He started, soon after waking, by stroking on of her pierced nipples, and then taking it into His mouth and stroking the other. Familiar feelings of arousal filled her groins, but she fought to keep them at bay. Until that was He signalled that He wanted her to orgasm, through a count down from 10. Then filled with endorphins she took His cock in her Mouth and concentrated on worshipping Him, while all the time she could hear Him talking about their roles and purpose as Master and slave. This girl’s purpose is to serve her Master and to be ready to be used by Him. That knowledge spurs her on through life, but it is easier to remember your place when you have a mouthful of cock. Pulling away, she spent a while stroking Him, but then He got out of bed and went into the playroom, returning with a glass dildo.

On all fours as instructed she felt the dildo’s coolness as it passed through her anal sphincter and slipped slowly in. As His cock brushed against her clit on its way into her cunt, she could tell just how wet she was. After a bit of repositioning to get the angles right, she could feel His cock deep inside. Her body felt like it was completely full. All the time He was asking questions about her place as His slave and in turn she responded, telling Him that He is her Master, owner of her body, mind and limits.

He withdrew and removed the dildo, then instructing her to lie flat on the bed, He pushed His cock into the place the dildo had been and took the arse that He owns for Himself. Deep inside her, she felt any resistance she may have had melt away. She felt His Dominance and she felt His ownership. She felt complete.

Afterwards as they lay together He finally touched the clit, rubbing her until the orgasm racked her body and she lay almost speechless. It had been a while since she last entered this special slave place, somewhere she will now likely stay for a while.

Tomorrow we are leaving for a few days in The Netherlands, so hopefully more chance for Master to take what is most certainly His.

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