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Elust #126

Thank you Cara for choosing my post An advent diary as one of your picks for this month’s Elust!

Elust 126 Header

Photo courtesy of May More of Sex Matters

Welcome to Elust 126–

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #125? Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

2020, the year I stop masturbating.

I Am Fat: On Fat Acceptance and Fat Shaming

Colour Match

 

~ Featured Post by our Guest Editor(Cara’s Picks) ~

An advent diary

Splosh!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

From ‘Innocent’ Girl to Obedient Slave
The Trail
How to have the worst sex ever (if you’re me)
I think I have sex dreams
Moving On When You Can’t Stop Holding On
Bucket, Fuck and Christmas Lists

Blogging

Evolution of Sweetgirl’s Blog

Books and Movies

Castle: The Celluloid Dungeon

Erotic Non-Fiction

Locked For Christmas 2019
I Had Sex in My Teachers Bed
Submissive Romance
Oasis

Erotic Fiction

Naughty Elf
After the Convention
List in a Bucket ~ Looking Back
Present Number 3
A Naughty Christmas Pudding
A Christmas Offering-A fairy Tale
Christmas Cracker [Part 2]
A Dream So Real

Poetry

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Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Femdom for bushfire relief

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Whither Joy

Elust 2020 Logo

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Home

14th July Fireworks from my balcony in France

Concepts of home have become more difficult for me to articulate over recent years. What does home really mean to me? Is home a place, a person, a state of mind? Unusually, I read the Food for Thought posts already posted before writing this. Now I’m not sure if I’m clearer or if the waters are more muddy. Let’s see.

Childhood

We moved to the house I would consider my childhood home when I was around 5. I have a few memories of the first place, but they may just be from photos I’ve seen. Home was my parents and brothers. My grandparents and cousins visiting. It was family Christmas’ and my room.

As a teenager I got my dad to paint it purple. I had my own little portable cassette deck, my books and other special possessions. It’s the place I did my homework and wrote. Once I got a boyfriend it’s a place I took him, though my mum was forever calling me downstairs!

I got married from that home (though I had moved out 6 months before) and then my parents moved to a new house. I felt at home in their new place, but it wasn’t my home.

Our homes

Hubby and I also owned two houses during the course of our marriage. Our first was special because I’d never lived anywhere that afforded real privacy. By that, I mean that parents and brothers could walk in at home and the home warden at my nurses accommodation. Here only we had a key, everyone else had to knock. That made it home. Then the fact we decorated and chose furniture and furnishings. Finally because it was just us. It was a place that we conceived our son and brought him home to. Later I discovered things hadn’t been as I imagined, because his infidelity started at around that time.

When my son was just 3 months old we moved. I wanted somewhere we could bring up a family, a bigger home and better neighbourhood. The new place was fine to begin with. We decorated, but often struggled to make it feel right (for me that is). However it was my son’s home and over time it became mine too. A place of sanctity, somewhere to hide when things were difficult.

At the end, when my ex had all but gone, it felt like the home it had never been. I spent days and nights there alone and became familiar with every nook and cranny. But when it came time to leave, I knew it was right.

My ex still lives there. I’ve been back and it feels no more like home than any other house in that street. That’s not because they have decorated and have new furniture. I’ve felt that way since I loaded my car with my remaining things and closed the door on that part of my life.

Looking back, I am still not sure that home was ever with my ex. But having my son there made it feel that it was at the time.

Now

We live in Master’s house. To begin with it was very weird, but gradually it has become home. Partly because my possessions have found their place and I have made changes to how things are. Also because we have started to decorate and make plans about how things will be. But this is a home because we are here together. I have a feeling about the concept of home that I didn’t have before.

There is one other place I call home. It’s a small apartment in France that I own (well jointly own with the ex). But it is my bolt hole. It’s the place I went to escape the pain and sadness when my life seemed to be falling apart. I’ve laughed, cried, got drunk and had amazing sex there. It is the place I’d run to if things went tits up here with Master. But it is also the place we go to and gradually it has become something of home to him too. Our place, our home.

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Balancing our needs

In her introduction for this week’s Sex Bloggers for Mental Health, Catherine links to my post from last week about priorities. As she highlights, I wrote about the need to balance my and our needs with those of others. For this week’s prompt Catherine asks: but how?

For me, the realisation that a rebalance is required, comes after some kind of crisis. It may just be a moment of stress or some kind of over dramatic meltdown (oh yes, I can be a drama queen).

We are lucky. Our lives don’t any longer revolve around the needs of others. Just of ourselves. We don’t have dependents living with us, nor do we have parents or children living close. But there in lies the slight problem. On one hand we don’t have anyone turning up unexpectedly, but on the other hand, we do need to plan. We can live our own lives spontaneously but interaction with others needs planning. And sometimes we either get the planning wrong, get let down or else have to drop everything for the needs of others. This is kind of what happened at Christmas. My careful planning went wrong, because stuff outside of our control happened and then stress occurred.

Many of us try to control everything around us much too much. I and we are no exception to that. It is in my nature to try to please everyone and by doing so, I end up making myself unhappy. Master needs time of solitude and actually I need that alone time too. But both of us also need to engage with others. He claims he doesn’t; but then suggests going to a munch because he wants to be sociable. When I say we are going to spend an evening with my son or brother he pulls a face, but then enjoys it. Certainly before he met me Master spent far too much time alone and admits now that was not good for him. He claims he dislikes people, but I don’t think he really does, but he definitely needs not to be with others all the time.

That may reflect our different personalities. Me, the extrovert who likes to be with people and he the introvert who lives in his own mind much of the time. But, that’s too simplistic. I find meeting new people difficult. I don’t like noisy places as I can’t shut off from people’s conversations. It’s often he who suggests we go out to meet people and I who would rather stay home.

We both have elderly parents, and the possibility of a call is always there. I know that I will be required at some point to go and help out. My mother is frail and prone to falls. But while she is well and mobile I will keep to my fortnightly visits and support my brother who lives nearby as best I can.

My own brush with ill health and the desire to live my best life right now dictates how I makes sure there is balance. That I do the things I want and need. For example that I take exercise, even if Master isn’t joining me. That we go to new places and see what the world has to offer us. I am lucky to have retired from full time work at such a young age, but I know how easily the freedoms I am afforded could be snatched away. So, with that in mind we put ourselves first. But try to remain mindful of those that surround us.

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A bit of a show off

Yep, that’s me. I was that child eager to strut her stuff on stage or to take part in fancy dress competitions. I was that live wire, loud, trying to be centre of attention. Precocious the adult me would have called the younger Julie. I’m an extrovert and I’ll be honest I am a show off and I’m not frightened to flaunt any talents I have. At one time that might have been my long legs and my boobs. I’ve never had an hour glass figure instead I’m more pear shaped. But over all I haven’t let it stop me from wearing what I want.

I guess that’s why I immersed myself so thoroughly into posting pictures on my blog. Because, although I tend to dress for the occasion at work or socially I really love to show off my body. And, over the past 8 years I’ve been lucky enough to be with men who appreciate it.

For S, it was stockings, suspenders and heels. With Master it’s me naked. Though he has a certain appreciation for me in leather fettish gear. I guess that I’ve got out of the habit of wearing it, what with one thing and another. So, last weekend’s trip to a fetish club was a great opportunity to strut my stuff. We don’t have any photos since photography in the club is (for obvious reasons) not allowed. But we certainly should take some for February Photofest.

Lingerie is often something hidden beneath clothes, or not worn (that would be Master’s preference. I tend to wear knickers with jeans, but not leggings and in winter. I do love the opportunity that summer offers. At the moment I always wear a bra, but hope that in the fullness of time that won’t be necessary again. But for now, I have a new found desire to buy matching lingerie and wear it. Last week I showed off my new set and don’t have anything else to show. But this is the 52nd week of Lingerie is for Everyone and so I feel I must join in. My show off, flaunt it self demands it.

So, I give you a photo taken for February Photofest 2017. This is one of my favourite sets and while I have thrown out some of the lingerie I doubt I’ll wear again, I very much would like to be seen in this set again. When I manage it, you’ll be the first to know.

Me wearing beautiful red lingerie. There is beading and lace on both bra and pants.

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Pain, marks and a new club

I am kneeling on the bed my ankles in a spreader bar. There is a clamp attached to my labia. My wrists are cuffed.

The Tell Me About prompt this week is pain and for obvious reasons that fits well with the Kink of the week on which is marks. I always live in hope that when we go out to a play event that I’ll come back with some marks. Sadly, that really never happens. It’s a shame, because yesterday we went to an event at a new (to us) club. I was able to appreciate some pain, but have no marks to show. So, here is my take on all three.

Pain

I’m not a fan of pain in the general run of real life. I hurt my knee before Christmas (fell over while dancing!) and it is still giving me pain. In that fall I sustained a bruise on my arm which is only just fading. But impact play is different, just without the bruises. This pain, has been distressing at times and has made sleep difficult, it is nothing like being beaten with a flogger.

Bent over the bed or a bench, my bottom bare, I’m ready to receive some pain. Master has a bag full of implements and is always buying something new. I prefer a softer implement that gets stingy when used than something hard and stiff. Certain materials are definitely more painful than others and especially if they are made to resemble a plastic barbed wire. He has something like that and damn well uses it.

I prefer impact to my bottom these days, but there have been times when Master has used his toys on my pussy and even breasts. Though more gently. I’m not planning to have any play on my breast what so ever now. My relationship with my remaining breast has changed, but I’m sure we’ll explore that more over time.

In the main then, I like pain inflicted with a toy designed for the purpose. I often moan and complain but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. I’ve never used my safeword during impact play and that is probably because he is a good judge of when to stop.

Marks

As mentioned above, I really don’t mark. Well I do, but not on my bottom during impact play. Yesterday’s session was a good half an hour long, but today nothing. I can feel where his toys have hit me, it’s a bit sore. But there are no marks.

But if I walk into a door or table or trip then I have a massive bruise. It doesn’t seem fair. The places I have marked through play are my inner thighs and breasts. But as I mentioned above I am not keen any more to have my remaining breast treated in a way so as it might mark. So I’ll just put up with pain and no marks.

A new club – atmosphere matters when playing

It’s no coincidence I’m writing this post today. I was hoping (since I always hope) that I’d be able to share some photos of my marked bottom. Sadly that isn’t the case. But I do feel the need to write about the impact of an environment during a play session. Yesterday we finally managed to get to a club not too far away that run’s a monthly Sunday event. For reasons of our social life, we haven’t managed to attend before. So, were quite excited at the prospect when we realised we would be free yesterday.

The venue is located along a busy road, but hidden from passing traffic. This makes it excellent for access. Inside there seems to be plenty of space, a veritable rabbit warren of play areas, a hot tub, large bar area etc. There was vac play going on, something I’ve tried before.

The club was very busy, the carpark almost full. If lockers are allocated by number from 1 we were 93. This meant there was a lot going on. A great vibe of friends meeting and chatting. Certainly the bar area and other seating was very much like a munch. But one where people are wearing fetish gear or close to naked. I wore a leather bodice and spanking skirt. I’m pleased to say that the bodice did up tighter than last time – I’ve lost several inches from my upper body.

The main drawback was that there were few places available to play at any time. One room contained a couple of spanking benches, and also lounging, bed areas. We spied a vacant bench and got down to business. The trouble was it was noisy. People carried on speaking at the top of their voices, or so it seemed. A conversation about different floggers took place, and someone showed others his wares. There was discussion about leather vs plastic when you are vegetarian. Then in the middle of our play time, a couple began to have sex (very loudly) in the middle of the room.

I struggled to get into my zone, and I think I took quite a bit of pain without necessarily feeling it. In the end we stopped not because we wanted to, but because it was just too distracting.

We know we need to go back for another visit to see whether this club is for us. Perhaps it being so busy was a one off. Perhaps we were just unlucky with where and when we chose to play. We often play at the beginning of the event, but this time didn’t arrive till well over an hour in. But all in all, it was a bit unsatisfactory for us. Plus I came away without a mark!

Click below to see who else is participating in Kink of the Week and Tell Me about

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The reward

I’ve been looking for some inspiration to write some more erotica and here it is. This beautiful photo of Marie Rebelle for this week’s Masturbation Monday. This is the first time I’ve written from the point of view of a man. So I’ll be interested in comments. Based as always on my own experiences, though not a single event. I’ve also taken the opportunity to use some Big Sexy Words.

Photo: Marie Rebelle, Rebel’s Notes

I watched from the doorway as she positioned herself, on the bed. Kneeling, legs apart, two thirds of the way down, arms outstretched in front, she leaned forward until her back formed a smooth straight line. Now in a state of repose, body relaxed and still. The blue panties, formed a perfect frame, separating her arse cheeks and the gab between. Her beautiful, smooth, tanned skin was lambent, almost inviting my caress. Her pink, shaved cunt seemed to be calling me to touch it. My cock indurated in response. I heard someone take a sharp intake of breath, only to realise that someone was me.

When I see Jess in this position, waiting for me as I’ve instructed it takes me back to those early days of our D/s relationship when we were exploring roles. The surge of power I feel when she takes that submissive pose is like an electric shock. It galvanises me and excites me, not only physically but mentally too. Such was the case today.

I stepped into the room and standing at the end of the bed leaned forward. ‘ready pet’? I asked. She didn’t speak, but a slight nod of her head provided affirmation. My fingers stroked the lace of her panties and traced a line around her cheeks. Leaning in further I placed a series of light kisses over her cool bottom. My fingers moved down to feel the top of her sexy fishnet stockings, then back to trace a line along her panties. This time the gasp came from the top of the bed.

A smile spread over my lips, and I began to nibble her flesh, taking small areas gently between my teeth. Next I placed my hands on her back and gentley massaged above the panty line. ‘are you wet, pet’? I asked as I slid a finger under the blue silk and ran it down between her legs. Her cunt was slick to the touch and clitoris already standing proud.

My cock strained against my boxers and a little pre-come emerged from the tip, making them damp. I wanted to take my pet, to penetrate her highly fuckable cunt, maybe her arse. But first there was the small matter of her reward. The flogging and caning I’d promised her. After all she had been such a good pet this week. Because in this house, impact play is a reward not a punishment.

So, standing upright I turned and reached for the first of the implements I’d laid out and picked out a soft flogger. Then, starting at the top of her spine I ran it slowly down her back before taking aim at her perfectly formed arse. “Thank you Sir” Came her immediate response. This was going to be a fun and fulfilling afternoon. At that point I wasn’t sure whose behaviour was being rewarded.

Big Sexy Words used:

  • Lambent – glowing, gleaming or flickering with soft radiance,
  • Galvanise – to shock or excite into action
  • Indurate – to harden
  • Repose – a state of calm relaxation or contemplation
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SoSS 2020 – 1

I’ve not been great at producing Share our Shit Saturday posts. This is partly because I often dont have my own shit together half the time. I read and comment on lots of blog posts every week, but often forget which have been my favorites. I’m determined though to make this year different and so since New Year have been saving posts in draft. Yes folks, the girl with no draft posts in her draft folder now has draft posts.

I’m not sure how often I’ll do these and I don’t want to set a target then fail at it. But here goes with number 1.

Violet Fawkes is already helping my motivation this month by running her January Jumpstart meme. So far I’ve missed only two days. But also, some of her own posts have caught my eye. At this time of year everyone is publishing their top 10, 20 or whatever favorite bloggers, which is great. But what if you don’t appear on these lists? This post by Violet, about loving yourself even if you aren’t on a list hit the spot with me, because I’m on some lists and not others. I can’t help but take these omissions personally even though there is no reason.

Another of Violet’s posts that caught my attention was this one about morning sex . I fully get that this is not her thing. It certainly wasn’t mine until Master and I got together. I’m sure that if I’d had a sex blog 10 years ago, I’d have been saying the same things. But age and circumstance have changed things. That’s the beauty of blogging over a long time, you can see how goals and objectives change. However that’s not to say that afternoon sex isn’t sometimes on our agend, such is Violet’s preferance. Certianly during the summer, that’s something we both love.

I’ve loved everyone’s 2019 reviews and enjoyed E. L Byrne’s Evolution of a polycule 2019 wrap-up Indeed I’ve been reading her weekly reviews on both her sites for sometime. The reviews will now be monthly and i’m looking forward to that. Poly isn’t my thing but I am fascinated by the lifestyle. My own experience was marred by jealousy (hers and mine) and I’ll be happy not to go there again. But I have the utmost respect for folks who can make it work.

Quinn Rhodes also writes regularly about her polyamory. She is a fabulous writer of both fiction and non fiction. This post: Sex goals for 2020: dominance and dating apps struck a cord. Goals are great, but if you don’t feel you’ve achieved half of what you set out then don’t just roll out the same ones. This year’s goals are more about relationships, behaviour and exploring different kinks within a queer, solo poly and romantic way. This can only bode well for Quinn’s writing. I’ve also enjoyed getting to know Quinn a little better through twitter and the Smutlancer Slack group, which has been a great bonus.

I try to participate in the weekly and monthly memes as much as possible. But there just isn’t enough time in the day to do them all. Plus, some prompts strike a cord more than others. I have to admit that Sex bloggers for mental health is one meme that I have written least for. I intend to rectify that this year. It occurs to me that I need to think much more about my mental health going forward.

This post Blogging about mental health and why it’s important by Missy, brought that message home to me. It also made me realise how respectful we need to be of the needs of others. I was overwhelmed to read an earlier linked post about Missy’s own mental health struggles. I’m grateful that my fellow sex bloggers feel so safe (as do to reveal so much of ourselves to each other.

Like a number of our fellow sex bloggers, Cara had a difficult 2019, and has not been writing as regularly as usual. I was so pleased to see that she has joined January Jumpstart and identified in particular with this post on intimacy and the way in which she describes the effect our previous relationships have on the way we desire to seek out intimate relationships. While spanking with a new partner might meet that need, being touched in an intimate way requires trust. I hope Cara regains her blogging mojo and that January Jumpstart helps.

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New lingerie

Now that my breast reconstruction is delayed till later in the year, I’ve decided to invest in more new bras and where possible matching knickers. This set arrived before Christmas, but I just tried them out for the first time this morning. I’m pleased to say my new diet regime, which I started back in November is paying off. My tummy is shrinking and I’m starting to get a bit of definition back between my waist and hips. I’m starting to feel good, maybe even fabulous again! The lingerie is from specialist supplier Nicola Jane.

The one on the left is taken in the doorway to my office, hence the books and the second as you can see, in the bathroom.

Just for you, I dried my hair before getting dressed!

As you can see, new lingerie is definitely for everyone.

Click the badge above to see who else is participating in Lingerie is for Everyone Click the badge below to see who is part of January Jumpstart.
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Thoughts on intimacy

While reading this post by May yesterday it struck me that there was a time when I hated intimacy. The reasons for these feelings differ between us, experiences in childhood and young adulthood are important. Being cheated on so early in my marriage had a profound affect on me. Over time, I learned to bury the hurt and pain, to bury my feelings. I guess I came across as cold and unresponsive. He told me I was frigid, so I know that was the case.

Sex during my marriage

Was perfunctory and was often just sex. I’ve said before that he was a man who could complete foreplay and PIV sex in during a commercial break. But to be fair to him, I was often ok with that. I’d hang around in the bedroom for a while and bang out an orgasm. Or else wait till he was asleep and find my rabbit. I actually didn’t want him to be intimate with me, to stroke and touch.

It’s strange, because we didn’t have full sex for quite a time after we met. But there was a lot of intimacy – a lot of foreplay (without the sex), we always sat close together and touched and kissed a lot. And then gradually that didn’t happen any more, but the catalyst for that was his affair. Don’t get me wrong we had our moments, but I think alcohol played quite a part in getting me to relax my guard.

Meeting S

This was a pretty transactional relationship looking back. I was his bedroom submissive, I dressed up and got off on some humiliation and degradation. In return we had some very good sex and through that I discovered I was in no way frigid. The play and the sex were fairly unemotional. But there was a lot of intimacy before and after. My husband rarely cooked a meal and being presented with breakfast after an early start and long drive was amazing. Picnics in bed were also a fun and intimate thing. But also there was aftercare of the physical kind – stroking, kissing and just generally being.

But then it was time to leave and I often didn’t hear from him for days or even weeks. To begin with that hurt, but over time I accepted that it wasn’t a love affair and took from it what I needed.

The intimacy of us

This relationship, with Master gives me everything I didn’t realise I needed until I had it. I’ve written before about the importance of touch between us. The intimacy is just there. If my husband came up to me and put his hands on my waist, then grabbed a tit I’d swat him away. Because there was a motive. With Master, there could be motive, but in general he is touching me because he desires me and just wants to touch me.

The stroking and holding takes place before during and after sex. During play he is constantly seeking to check I am ok and to let me know that he desires me. He also wants to know that I am aroused by the things he is doing.

As mentioned in the post – The touch of our hands – he didn’t always enjoy being touched. Now though he actively seeks my hands on his body. We approach each other regularly and just kiss gently on the lips. We don’t always hold hands when out, but sometimes, often late at night we do and it feels just right.

In many ways I feel I’ve come full circle. That I didn’t actually know what I needed till I didn’t have it. Didn’t know what to expect or to ask for. But, you know what? It’s never to late to find out what you need and perhaps to get it.

Click below for the thoughts of others on the topic of intimacy

Click below to see who else is participating in January Jumpstart.