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Who needs luck?

Photo courtesy of @more_matters

I was on my third coffee by the time he walked into the café. I saw him glance around the room as he joined the queue and smile as he spotted me. He turned towards the menu board and then gave his order to the barista. All the time I watched, admiring the cut of his jeans on his firm but trim backside, the style of his shirt and the silkiness of his hair. Picking his coffee up from the counter he walked over to me and I nodded to the armchair facing mine. He placed his cup on the table.

“Great to see you Sue” he said leaning down to lightly kiss my cheek. The aroma of his aftershave heightened my already aroused senses and I felt my cunt clench slightly. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here, I’m late this morning”.

“I was a bit late myself” I lied.

“That’s lucky” he smiled, not just with his mouth, so that I caught a glimpse of his white teeth, but with his blue eyes too. They sparkled at me and creases formed at the edges. I grinned back. “I know I was a bit casual about arrangements, but I was really hoping you would be here”

“Well it’s our lucky day then” I said “and what’s more I have nowhere else to be”.

“Nor me, I’m all yours. Let’s finish our coffees and go have some fun”. I had every intention of holding him to his word.


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Fit for Friday #2

This week I have spent many hours in hospital waiting rooms. This is not conducive to taking much in the way of exercise. Even our usual routine of a daily walk to the supermarket has suffered, since we did a larger shop one day on the way home. However, it has been a good week for health and fitness generally.

Dry January

It is now 17 days since my last alcoholic drink, so well over half way. The desire for wine at dinner time has somewhat subsided and I am enjoying the alternative. Usually water or some kind of fizzy low calorie drink. I used to be pretty addicted to Pepsi max but haven’t touched it for months, as I was worried about Aspartame. I am particularly enjoying a ginger beer drink, which is sweetened. However I am restricting myself to a can a day.

I am thinking seriously about how to manage alcohol consumption after I complete dry January. Probably, I need to be mainly a weekend drinker and even then cut back on what I was having before.

I will be breaking Dry January early as I finish my radiotherapy on 30th and intend to drink some wine to celebrate. Coincidentally there is a munch that night and luckily that will be in a pub. While it would be good to finish on 31st, some things need to be celebrated and the end of cancer treatment is one of them.

Fitbit stats

I don’t know if giving up alcohol is the cause, but my resting heart rate has dropped by 10 to 60 or below over the past couple of weeks. It had already dropped over the last few months since I became more rested and less anxious about much at all.

My hours of sleep are about the same, and I seem to wake the same number of times. But I feel more rested when I wake in the morning and best of all am not up to the toilet so much. This must be due to the no alcohol thing.

As for step count. We went to London this week for an art exhibition and that day I managed to clock up 11,000 steps. My average overall is 5500. This is way down on what I was doing when at work and isn’t something I can do much about until after Radiotherapy. But we are out this weekend to see some films, again in London, and will be walking around quite a bit. So I am hopeful of pushing up the average.

Diet and weight loss

In the main I have kept to my slimming group plan this week. We’ve eaten lots of extra vegetables, i’ve eaten fruit as snacks and not succumbed to chocolate. Not difficult since we don’t have any left. The result of this effort, plus no alcohol has resulted in a 2lb loss which puts me back to my August weight. My BMI is 31.1 so heading back to overweight rather than obese!

The tankini and new tops I ordered last week have arrived. These are all post mastectomy items with pockets for your prosthesis. The desire to look good in these garments is spurring me onwards.

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Time for sex

Anytime feels good for sex, so long as you have and allow time for it. We tend to have sex in the mornings, but it depends on the situation. Previous relationships have been a little different.

When I was married

Hubby and I often had sex during the commercial break of a TV programme. I kid you not. He worked long hours and got up early, so tended to fall asleep at bedtime (if not before). His favourite thing was to have sex during the evening once our son was in bed. However this didn’t really rock my boat, especially since there was very little if any foreplay involved.

Afternoon fun

When I began to stray from the marital bed, my dalliances tended to take place in the afternoon. I had something going with a guy who was actually impotent, but who gave the most amazing orgasms. I used to slip away from work or on a day off and meet him, especially in the summer. Much of it was alfresco and I have orgasmed in some beautiful locations.

With S, lots of our sex was in the daytime. Often I didn’t manage to stay over night with him so we’d spend much of the day in bed. He was a guy who seemed to be able to get it up any time, perhaps I just made him horny. We also had sex outside, including on a picnic table!

Taking the time for sex

Since I got together with Master, most of our sex has taken place in the mornings. This has traditionally been when we have had the most time to just lie there and be. Time to touch and caress and to kiss. Often things start slowly and build. He might have been looking at some porn or lying there soon after waking stroking me. He loves to open my legs gently with caressing strokes and then to go down on me. He says he loves the taste of me and I have to admit I love the way it makes me feel. Since I gave up work we have made much more time for sex, even taking account of my recent illness.

On holiday when the day is hot, we love to retire to bed for a rest. We will probably have had wine at lunch and need to cool down. There is something very arousing about the aroma of a sun warmed body mixed with sexual desire. The desire to get cool is put on hold while we join together for some hot sex in our room.

Occasionally we engage in some late night sex. This is usually pretty drink fuelled, especially on my part. This is probably the only time I initiate it, often by stripping off and kneeling before him. Though there are times when it starts with Master getting me to suck his cock first.

I guess the only rule about any of this is so long as it feels right then it is the right time.

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Discovery

Week 2 of the Erotic Journal challenge is about the discovery of our sexuality and ourselves as sexual beings. This week’s Wicked Wednesday is about the technical aspects of sex. This post will attempt to combine the two.

The beginning

I first met my future husband when he moved to live opposite us. He was 11 and I was 7. Our mothers were friendly, though not exactly friends. However we did play in each others houses when one of the mums visited for a cuppa. By the time I was a teenager and he was leaving school our mums both worked and so any contact was pretty accidental. I did like him, but he wasn’t one of the boys I fancied back then, they tended to go to my school and he had gone elsewhere.

Soon before my 16th birthday, during the half term before my o’levels he phoned and asked me over to his place to sun bathe. It was a hot May day and his family were out, we sat in the garden and chatted. I didn’t take much account of the heat of the sun and returned home a little burnt. The next day he took me to London for the day. We had fun, walked miles and ate strawberries and ice cream. My usually good appetite deserted me and my tummy was full of butterflies, all day long. The aroma of the soap he used and the aftershave he wore was very alluring. This was the first boy who I think turned me on without actually touching or kissing me. Though of course, within days there were kisses.

Over the ensuing months we spent a lot of time together, both out with friends and on our own and in doors. Spending time in my bedroom alone together was pretty much frowned on and anyway I had an annoying younger brother who tended to burst in. But his parents seemed more relaxed about things. So we often spend hours in his room, lying on the bed listening to music. We never took off all of our clothes but did strip down to underwear, touch and kiss.

“Don’t come back pregnant”

I would lie with his leg between mine and he would flex his quadricep muscle. This believe it or not, was enough to get me off, though I’m not sure if I actually orgasmed. I touched him outside and inside his pants and found the whole thing pretty daring. But we didn’t attempt to have sex. I was pretty happy with what we were doing and didn’t feel the need for more right then.

When I was 17 we decided to take a holiday to Jersey. My parents weren’t overly keen on us going away on our own, but didn’t try to stop us. But on the departure day as we were leaving my mum came to me as I finished packing. “Your dad isn’t happy about you going away with B and all I can say is please don’t come pregnant”

I was pretty indignant. She didn’t know if we were sexually active or not and I didn’t take kindly to the suggestion I was stupid enough to get pregnant. B and I slept together, but didn’t attempt to have sex. The holiday though was fabulous, mainly because we could do what we wanted without parents being present.

The challenges of having sex

In October 1980, another year later, I went off to begin my nursing career. We all lived in tiny rooms in the nurses home and were watched upon by a hawk of a home sister. She was a spinster, who had spent her entire career in nursing and later managing the home. Boyfriends could visit but were meant to be out by midnight. However there were ways to smuggle people in and out and so we ignored that rule.

B was a frequent visitor especially at weekends. At last a door that could be closed and locked. Reasonably thick walls and some anonymity. At last, after 2 years together we finally took the plunge and had actual sex with penetration. Well we tried to anyway, since our first couple of attempts were failures. I owned no toys and had never so much as slipped my own fingers into my vagina. I am not even sure he had either and when it came to trying to sick his hard cock inside me we struggled. We had no real idea about positions or what might work for us and less idea about how difficult (or easy) it should be.

I resorted to consulting with my closest student friend who was already engaged to a sailor and she offered me some friendly advice. Essentially to keep trying and not get frustrated. The following weekend we tried again. Helped along by a bottle of wine and the knowledge that we needed to relax more, eventually we made it happen.

Sex during marriage

Looking back, sex with B wasn’t all it could have been. Soon after we married I bought a copy of the joy of sex which at least offered some help on positions. We tried many and had fun doing so, but I often felt I could take or leave it. My nursing job was demanding and I worked shifts. Even when I was in the mood, there seemed to be something missing but I didn’t know what it was. Within 4 or 5 years he was having an affair with an older woman which for a while helped us, since he had learned some new techniques. But when I discovered the affair my view of him changed. I never again trusted him and I was somehow turned off by him. We carried on having sex for the remainder of our marriage, but not for enjoyment.

When I was in my 30’s I bought my first sex toys and had my first real orgasms. But these happened when I was alone or when he was asleep rather than as something we shared.

I was almost 50 when I first orgasmed during PIV sex and since then I haven’t really looked back sexually. I feel sad about my sex life with B and that we were never able to fulfil each other in the way we should. Perhaps we were never really compatible as sexual partners. Or perhaps the mistake was in carrying on past our 20s. But I don’t regret meeting him or marrying him or having a child together. I just wish we had been better at communicating and been more honest about our needs. Thankfully he has also found someone new and I hope their sex life is better than ours ever was.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked
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Fit for Friday 1

In an attempt to be more structured about the changes I am trying to make to my diet and fitness levels for 2019 I have joined FFF 2.0. This is a weekly check in for bloggers and others without a blog on the Fondler’s Anonymous blog. Fondles will then provide a round up with her own entry. She and I go back a long time, in fact her relationship with BIKSS began at the same time I started mine with S. She stopped blogging for a while but has been back stronger than ever for over a year now. They are still together and of course I am now with G.

FFF Goals for 2019

  • Lose weight
  • Increase step count
  • Eat healthily
  • Reduce alcohol consumption

Progress Week 1

I decided the best way to kick start my weight loss was to give up alcohol for a month. I actually started on 2nd Jan. We rounded off New Year’s Day with a lovely bottle of English Sparkling Wine in the bath.

I can’t deny that I have missed the wine and gin, but not enough to lapse. Plus, as mentioned before it seems a good idea to abstain during my radiotherapy. Combined with cutting out sugar (again) and eating healthily all week I have lost 2lb in weight.

My step count hasn’t been fantastic averaging only about 5K. I have got too used to sitting about most of the day (writing and reading so not idle), but definitely too sedentary. So the aim next week is to get moving towards my previous 9k average.

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We’re underway

It’s almost 3 months since my surgery. Over that time there have been numerous hospital appointments and much waiting. But at last the radiotherapy treatment is underway.

Last Monday (New Year’s Eve) was the planning appointment. During this the Doctor and Radiographers take various technical measurements required for the treatment. Then pen and finally tiny tattoo marks are applied to help them line up the machine for the daily dose. We are lucky that the cancer centre is just 20 minutes away and this week I feel glad that this is happening after my move rather than before.

Then on Tuesday we attended an information session, which was very informative – about the treatment, procedure, side effects etc. Before going back yesterday for the first dose. The worse part of the whole business so far is the waiting about. Each individual treatment area has it’s own little waiting room, but this soon fills up with people. Yesterday we were forced to listen to a group of people discussing not only their own cancer experiences but the health and illness of their spouses and wider family. Luckily I got less of that today, but Master felt the full force.

Anyway back to the treatment. The actual procedure takes only 10 minutes or so. Lining up the machine with the dots seems to be the tricky thing. For the first 3 days they also take an X-ray of my chest (the grey panel on the right of the picture above). The staff are really friendly and professional (as you would expect), so lying there semi naked with your arms above your head isn’t so bad. They say that side effects don’t become apparent for the first week, so nothing to report so far. I shall keep moisturising to try to prevent my skin becoming too sore and I am doing my best to keep hydrated (all part of the advice). I am day 10 of dry January and for once intend to see it through.

It seems that side effects are worse if you are dehydrated and so for health reasons I am avoiding the alcohol till this is over. I am hoping that will also help me lose a few pounds. After all, with a holiday booked for the end of Feb, I need to start to prepare my bikini body……

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Glass half full

Picture courtesy of @Molly’s Daily Kiss

“Let me get this straight, he dumped you on New Years Eve?” Jo’s eyes were wide with incredulity as she met mine. I raised my cocktail glass to my lips and took a sip before nodding. I grinned to show I wasn’t as upset as she might have expected.

“Yes, shortly after midnight. But by then I’d eaten the posh meal and drunk a bottle of champagne, all on him, so it isn’t all bad. I think I was cramping his style he wants to ‘play the field'”.

Jo shook her head and took a gulp of her own martini before looking round for the waiter. More was definitely needed.

“His loss” I added as the waiter approached and Jo ordered our refills. “He should have shown more interest in my own sexual preferences. I was happy to share, if only he had mentioned it” I laughed into my glass as a vision filled my head. “Anyway, I have already moved on. I’m off out with James tomorrow, and I’ve heard really good things about him.”

“Me too”, Jo’s eyes twinkled. “Well good luck Annie, and here’s to open minded men and plenty of sex in 2019”. 

“Plus cocktails” I added as we raised our glasses and downed the last of our drinks just as the waiter returned. My thoughts drifted to tomorrow and the date with James. Knowing what he had in mind for us made be blush just a little, something not lost on Jo. She raised her eyebrows quizzically, and I prepared to divulge just one or two details. 

This girly night was just what I had needed after the shit storm of New Year’s Eve!

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Goals for 2019

We are now 9 days into this new year and so far 2019 is going ok. The F4TF prompt this week is goals and ambitions for the year.

What are your goals, dreams, ambitions for 2019?

2018 was incredibly busy and my main hope is that this will be quieter, calmer and much more pleasant. I have a sense that this will be the case. We have plans to travel both at home and abroad and have booked a couple of trips. The first and most exciting will be a holiday in Cape Verde at the end of February. This will be our reward for getting through the traumas of the past few months.

Somehow I need to factor in finding some paid work and intend to set up a couple of meetings after our holiday to explore how that can be achieved. I plan to freelance and where possible work from home or wherever I am. A new 10 year health plan published by the government this week might help as there will be a need for people who can help to localise this.

Health and wellbeing will be a big factor for me this year. I need to lose weight ready for the breast reconstruction. This is slightly different from the general desire I have had for years but haven’t been able to sustain. My health scare has taught me that I need to be more mindful about what I put into my body. Recognising how much I love alcohol is important. After a week of dry January I am still craving wine at dinner, but feel pleased with myself for choosing water instead. I am finding other, non alcoholic drinks to try and haven’t resorted to Pepsi max once. I reintroduced sugar at Christmas and am now trying hard not to crave it again. These aren’t resolutions for the new year, but actual attempts to make lifestyle changes.

What, if anything, do you plan to try and change about your life? Why?

My focus is on myself, us and our relationship. The cancer diagnosis was a blessing in starting to make this happen. The test will be not to allow others to interfere or to allow myself to slip back to old ways.

There is very little that needs to change in terms of the way we live our life. Just to focus on making sure we achieve the things we want. Almost 7 years after starting this blog and I can at last say those things. All that is left is to get divorced and finalise any other legal things that are required.

Where do you see yourself in 12 months time?

For once in my life I am hoping for some status quo. Around this time next year I would expect to be preparing for surgery and then planning some great things for 2020. I can hardly believe that the century is nearly 20 years old and I am nearer 60 than 50. But strangely that feels less onerous than being 30 or 40 ever did.

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Sensuality and the senses

It is with pleasure that I am able to contribute to a new meme hosted by Brigit Delaney. I am approaching 2019 with some blogging enthusiasm and so, having the time to sit and write is a massive bonus. The first prompt is about sensuality and the senses and considering my topic and approach led me to our last play session in early December.

We have attended the club in question a few times now for both CMnf and more relaxed social events. That day was a Christmas social and I had dressed in my Santa girl outfit, complete with stockings. My only other lingerie was my bra.

Touch

I climb up onto the bench and lean over so that my knees and shins are positioned on the leg rests. stretching my arms I am pleased to find that I can find a comfortable position for them. I lay my head on the cool plastic on the bench and close my eyes. Master lifts my dress and slowly strokes my bottom with soft fingers. He starts with a soft rubber flogger and brushes it over my cheeks, teasing as he strokes between my already moist thighs.

Hearing

There is music playing in the background. One of those CDs that comes out at Christmas with all of the old favourites on. Since it is early December, this is the first time I have heard Christmas music this year. I can also hear the sound of people talking, mainly in low voices to each other and also the sounds of others playing. The swish of a flogger, the impact of a paddle or cane and the cries of other submissive girls in the midst of pain and pleasure.

Master moves around quietly, choosing the next toy with which to torture and from time to time he checks in, whispering in my ear. Calming me, reassuring me and making sure I am in a good place, and I am.

Sight

I have my head down, and so my field of vision is limited. I am also facing the Christmas tree and the speaker from where the music is coming. Anyway, I keep my eyes closed for most of the time. It helps me to concentrate on the pain and on channeling my feelings about it. By concentrating on the sounds rather than what I can see I can block the real world from my head.

Smell

To begin with the main smell if of plastic and the alcohol used to clean the bench. It is not unpleasant, but kind of clinical. But as time passes and the intensity of the impact on my bottom increases, I become aware of something else. My nostrils fill with the aroma of my own arousal. That sweet smell of sex and this increases as he runs his fingers over my slick pussy lips. He sniffs his finger and then leans his head over mine. “you’re very wet” he says. “Girl is very turned on”. Indeed she is and she can feel and smell it.

Taste

When I had first lay down on the bench all I could taste was the Prosecco I had just sipped. But within minutes I can taste my apprehension. My mouth dries and I have to lick my lips to maintain some moisture. As time progresses and my own sex fills my nostrils so my mouth waters and I can almost taste my own juices. As the session draws to a close he leans and kisses me and then I taste a mixture of him, me and prosecco. An intoxicating blend.