Kinky

How do you know if you are kinky? How do you know that your needs are not vanilla? I guess you don’t unless you discover kink. Which around 8 years ago, I did.

My first experience of anal sex happened on my very first night with S. It was planned, because I’d been getting ready for that moment. But it also was something of an epiphany. I hadn’t actually realised I was kinky until I was.

By the time I met Master I was definitely kinky. My sexual experiences over the preceding 18 months proved so. Nothing that has happened since has persuaded me that there is much of a way back to vanilla once you have experienced kink.

Our sex is about our power exchange, but also it is about doing things that I don’t think are vanilla. Wearing clothing or items such as collars and harnesses. My willingness to try things that are a fetish, for example piss play. That humiliation and degradation are things that get me off. Being willing to call myself a slut and give him the power to be my owner and Master.

But my kink isn’t necessarily your kink, just as my relationship isn’t yours. I know I and we are fortunate that we can freely practice our kinks. That we not only have equipment at home but can also hire out private dungeons etc.

For much of my life I knew there was something missing, but didn’t know what it was. Now I have found it and find myself more fulfilled than thought possible. I’m glad I discovered kink when I did and that it’s become such a big part of my life.

Hoxton Dungeon, a review

I hadn’t intended to combine the review of our visit to the Hoxton Dungeon with my Sinful Sunday post for the week. But given the events of this week and my lack of posts, plus the photographic evidence in hand, I thought: why not? Other dungeon related posts can be found here.

Some background to the decision to stay at the Hoxton Dungeon

For the past couple of years we have been sensible enough to stay in London on the Sunday night after Eroticon. We usually stay a little away from Camden because it suits us for a couple of reasons. First we like to have our own space and secondly we like the hotel we tend to stay in. On Monday, we were due to attend (and did) a concert. Master suggested we stay the night closer to that venue. I imagined a hotel close by. Instead Master decided we should stay in a dungeon further away. But who am I to argue. Plus, it turned out to be a fabulous idea.

The place

Hoxton is an up and coming area of North London, though this part of the area is not without its edginess. The dungeon is contained within a ground floor flat on an ex council estate. There is parking, along with the relevant permits if needed. We were using public transport, and the nearest station (Old Street) is about 15 minutes walk away. There are plenty of bars / café’s and places to get food around the area.

The flat is spacious, with two dungeon rooms, a bedroom, kitchen and bathroom. Plus that particular room contains a bath (more of that later).

The play rooms are well laid out with more equipment than it is possible to use during an overnight stay. All the more so because, although Eroticon hadn’t actually happened, we were still tired. It had as usual been a pretty full on weekend with insufficient sleep.

Equipment

The Hoxton Dungeon is owned by Madame Caramel who is a mentor and lifestyle educator, so there is a definite leaning towards Female dominance, so the equipment available reflects that. That’s not to say there isn’t more than enough to satisfy Male Dom and whatever submissive play.

My photos above, are a little moody, so check out the more professional ones on the dungeon website.

Playtime

As is often the case after a busy day / weekend I struggled to get into the right mind space. But once tied in place and blindfolded I relaxed into the situation.

I am secured to a bench. There are some lovely red marks on my right buttock and a bruise on my left.

Afterwards

The venue is kitted out with a full kitchen, and large fridge freezer. Drinks are supplied, though the fizz is low alcohol, which might be just as well. We had eaten a good lunch and took snacks with us so we didn’t need to go out. Water is supplied, though we thought ahead and took our own as we like sparkling. The bathroom is spacious and has a large bath with shower. We took advantage and relaxed post spanking in the bath. The bed was extremely comfortable.

The flat is part of a block and you can hear the neighbours moving about so care is needed to restrict noise. However that didn’t cause us a problem. Neighbours didn’t keep us awake either, since we were quite exhausted.

In conclusion

We needed more time. The Hoxton Dungeon isn’t a place to go when you are already weary from a busy weekend. But we still managed to fit in a fun play session. I’d love to go back for longer and be able to make better use of the amazing facilities.

Fucked on a picnic table

This story is loosely based on fact. I really was fucked on a picnic table in the woods while wearing a leather collar and leash. But the rest of it is part of my fantasy of what might have happened that day. Content warning: Consent Non-consent (CNC), Humiliation.

I am kneeling on the seat of a picnic table. My dress is pulled up to my waist and I am exposing my bottom.
A throwback picture not linked to the original event

A story of being fucked on a picnic table

If ever you go into the woods and stumble across a picnic table, do you wonder who was there before you? What might have happened here? And before you sit down and unwrap the sandwiches you might want to get out the wet wipes, because maybe the last people here fucked on that picnic table.

We met in the car park. As instructed I was wearing a summer dress, sensible shoes and nothing else. Although it was only around 10am the sun was high in the sky and it was warm. In those days I was yet to acquire a car with air conditioning, the open windows did nothing to cool my throbbing cunt. Anticipation rather than heat was at work here. You see, I had no idea what was in store for me. The man I was meeting was very keen on fantasy games and I was his willing victim.

I travelled light, apart from the lack of clothing I only carried a small bag, containing my purse and other essentials. Stuff you don’t really need in the woods (my phone maybe, but signals were poor). He carried a largish rucksack, containing lunch and who knew what else. Not me at that point anyway. He took my bag and put it inside his.

Of course he felt me up in the car park, in front of anyone who happened by, though I can’t remember if any one did. We hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks and we had the hots for each other. I might have fucked there and then if he had requested it. He put a leather collar around my neck and attached a leash, there in the middle of the car park. Then he walked me into the dense woodland and once inside, blindfolded me.

Completely dependent on him I followed his instructions about where to step. Periodically the leash would pull tight and I’d almost stumble. But as instructed I was silent. Concentrating on the sounds and smells of the forest. I had no idea if others were around us and was both humiliated and excited at this sign of my submission. I lingered on the edge of orgasm, made worse as my cunt leaked fluid that caused my thighs to slide together as I walked. I momentarily wondered if I would be permitted an orgasm today.

Suddenly he told me to drop to my knees, as I did so the collar pulled tight against my neck. I assumed the required pose, my knees wide, hands resting loosely on them. I heard some rustling and knew what was in store. Obediently I opened my mouth to take the cock that was thrust into it. I savoured the saltiness of his pre-cum and the very size of what filled my mouth.

“Good cunt” he groaned at me. I concentrated on sucking, my mouth wide and drool already running down my chin. His fingers reached inside my summer dress and pinched my left nipple. “take me girl, take this cock” He said as I felt a sharp pain, a clamp now pinched my breast. I groaned around the huge dick filling my mouth and tensed as pain throbbed through both breasts. For a while I was lost giving him the pleasure he demanded.

He pulled away and pulled me to my feet. His fingers groping for my clit, large and engorged, before pushing two into my dripping cunt. “you are such a wanton slut aren’t you” he asked. I nodded, because it was true. I was and am. “what do you want slut?” he asked. “speak”.

“Your cock Sir”

“Come” he gently pulled on the leash and I followed. My knees knocked into something hard and putting my hands out I felt wood. I ran my hands over the grain. “It’s a picnic table” I could hear him grinning. “We can have lunch here, but first, I’m going to fuck you on it.

Sir Helped me kneel on the seat and then to lean over it. He secured rope around my wrists and tied me to the table. I was now unable to move, though had no desire to do so. I felt his cock pushing into my soaking cunt as I lay secured to the table top. My knees were grazed a little by the wood. My nipples, with the clamps still attached sending ripples of pain through my body. He took his pleasure from me. A wanton slut, blindfolded and collared. Unaware that behind her there were 3 men watching and wanking.

Because as well as taking care about the cleanliness of a picnic table, you should also beware of mentioning your fantasies. Such as the one about being fucked in the woods while others watch.

To be continued!

Being proud of who we are

I spent much of my adult life fretting that things hadn’t turned out how I wanted them to be. Trouble was, I didn’t actually know what that was. My whole blog is about my voyage of discovery to establish who I truly am and what that means. Sometimes I’ve been anxious that I’m in some way different or abnormal. But if I’ve learned anything over the years with Master it is to, embrace our instincts and be proud of who we are.

Over the past 6 years I have had some amazing opportunities to explore my kinks with Master. From our first play date he has pushed and tested me. Asked me to talk about my deepest desires and read my blog for clues. Then he has set about making those come true. It was something of a fluke we turned out to be as compatible as we are. It was lucky that I was prepared to try out new things and go with his plans and even liked many of them. What’s more since he is the original Gadget Man he has acquired the equipment to go with it.

This means I’ve had more opportunities than most to try things out. But also we’ve been able to do so in private, which I actually like. It isn’t that I don’t like playing in public, I am definitely an exhibitionist. However, I prefer that we play out some kinks in private. Relaxing and getting into my submissive head space is more difficult than it once was. Strangely there’s less going on in my head that needs shoving out. A busy work schedule was some how easier to dismiss through pain and general slutiness than what lives there now.

Over the years Master has bought me some great kink gear; harnesses, waistcoats, spanking skirt, collars. I have worn them with pride and then when I put weight on left them in the cupboard. But recently I’ve begun to get them out again and wear them for him at home and when out at kink events. Master likes to see me dressed up and also naked and I know he is proud of the way I have embraced CMnf. Damn, I’m proud too.

When others watch the way Master plays with me at an event I feel proud and fills him with joy. He is generous and is always happy to show people his equipment and even lend it out to the right people. Generally we keep to our selves, but increasingly we are making friends and getting to know others. This increasing confidence is, I think good for us both.

I chose the image above because Master looks proud and happy with himself. No doubt he has plans for me and for us in that moment.

Fantasies

Me from the back, wearing leather harness and spanking skirt.
An early picture of me in harness and spanking skirt.

I used to spend a lot of time thinking about what might be. Then I started on this journey of Dominance and submission, BDSM and self discovery. This whole blog is really about fulfilling fantasies. Some have exceeded my wildest dreams and some have been less thrilling. What’s left to do? Well nothing I dream of but maybe there are things to do anyway.

Sex that is like in books

By the time I was 49 I had had one sexual partner. Dull, but true, and in 2012 I decided to take the plunge and seek more from my life. I’d read about great sex in erotic and other fiction as well as magazines , but didn’t know if it was true. Turns out my sex life was definitely lacking, though not everything you read is true either. Men don’t come 5 times a night, well not when they are in their 50’s anyway. They have way more stamina and the men I discovered knew their way around a woman’s body. Of course, I was lucky with the ones I found.

Within months of my first encounter with S I’d had sex outside and then later a foursome. These were both things I’d thought about and imagined.

Later it turned out that good sex wasn’t everything. So having come from someone who loved me but was dull in bed, I now discovered that I needed both. Plus I dreamed of a proper D/s relationship.

A power exchange relationship

I’ve read a lot of books about BDSM and power exchange relationships in particular. I love the fantasy element and am happy to suspend reality in many cases. It is a shame that so many feature billionaire men who discover a young woman they have to tame and train, before falling deeply in love. But now and then there are books that are more realistic. I wanted to experience life with a dominant man, become his sex object, but had no desire to spend my life kneeling naked at his feet. In any case I had a job to hold down and a son still living at home.

Master is quite low key in his power exchange expectations. So low key that you hardly notice what is happening. The extent to which dependency occurs and you find yourself deferring to him. Of course, the process has been a long one. 5 years in February. But from the beginning there were signs – the reference to myself in the third person, his control of my orgasms and ownership of my body.

I often wonder if I am truly a slave, after all I am pretty unruly, though never truly disobedient. I am bad at calling him Master, except in the bedroom. But when I look back at the person I was at the beginning, he has helped me modify my behaviour. I am less likely to jump in to a situation and take over. I let him take the lead most of the time and now relish that fact. He usually asks my opinion but he makes the final decision.

BDSM fantasies

I’ve had the opportunity to try many experiences over the past few years. Things that people put on their fantasy lists – bondage, forced orgasm, piss play, electrical play, the vac bed, to name a few. We’ve played in public, which is something I always wanted to do and will continue to. I’d like to attend more CMnf events and perhaps ones that require a higher protocol. It certainly wouldn’t do me any harm to be a proper slave for a few hours.

But really I am at the stage where I am just happy living an ordinary life with my partner. Yes, it is a bit different from other people but it’s generally tame. But tame in a fun way.

One final thing

It has never been my fantasy to have sex with another woman, I really am heterosexual. But actually I do wonder if I should be braver and just let it happen. I know Master would enjoy watching me with a woman and it might be fun. The opportunity is there and I am conflicted about whether to take it.

You see, some of the things I have done weren’t actually fantasies until just before I did them. Or else not until I read about them and then thought why not. Plus I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to miss out. So, we’ll see!

tellmeabout

What do you see?

We love to observe the people around us and wonder about their lives. We often question whether those people even see us. The focus often seems to be each other or their phone. Indeed I wonder whether some people are aware of their surroundings at all. I like to watch people, I like that Master likes to watch me and I’m increasingly happy for people to see me at my most vulnerable.

Watch and see

There is nothing better than sitting outside a cafe, pub or restaurant and watching people walk past, sit down with friends or lovers. We often notice that one person monopolises the conversation, or we see friends that don’t interact unless they have something from their phone to see. We look at body language, are they lovers, is this the end of a relationship or are they on a first date. It is fascinating. But you know, I don’t think it is something everyone does. Indeed my own son told me off for discussing other diners with Master. “It isn’t kind” he said. Funny thing is I don’t believe we were being unkind, just seeing and observing.

Being observed

Sometimes, when I am dressing in the morning I will see Master looking at me. I’ll ask him what he is doing and he will say that he is looking at me. That he loves to look at me. That he enjoys my body. There was a time when I would have been embarrassed by this. Why does he want to look at me – an overweight, middle aged woman. But I am his lover, his slave and he loves me and my body. They body that he owns and possesses.

I think he sees a different me to the one I do when I look in the mirror. It is only when I look at photos like the one I posted for Sinful Sunday this week, that I realise. That I am able to see a little of what others do. That I am proud and happy. He is responsible, in no small part to the confidence I feel. And that is a great

Letting people see me

All of me. I wrote recently about our return to CMnf. I know people do look at each other there. Because people spoke to me about my body. I know that they like to watch the public play and that from that they may learn from each other. Or else it gives them the confidence to play in public too.

The first time I was very nervous. But now, I find I can shut out the people and things around me and settle into the moment. I am not worried I am being watched, in fact I really love it.

Kink clubs usually (for very good reasons), have a no phone rule. People are there to see and be seen. To meet up and chat. To play and to perform. That people are naked or dressed in fetish gear is part of the fun of those events. Their clothes, nakedness and demeanour is saying – look at me. Of course, we love to people watch there too. To wonder about them and their lives. Occasionally too we get to know others and find out the reality. And that’s what happened to us last time.

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Female Chastity – Physical or Emotional

Over the past year or so my Kink of the Week post on female chastity has been one of the most frequently read on my blog. I admit to being fascinated by the concept of physical chastity devices. Though I have never worn one, I find the idea extremely erotic. That I, a submissive woman might be locked into a metal and leather device by my Master. Prevented from touching myself makes me wet. I imagine him leaving me at home, locked in while he leaves town. The idea of being unable to touch myself, masturbate, is almost enough to make me cum. However this is all part of my imagination. Because the truth is I am not wearing a device, he is here and I actually don’t touch myself without his permission anyway,

For me, wearing a chastity device is a fantasy, though I would love to try. My Master doesn’t tend to deny me orgasms, he is more likely to force them out of me. But denial is part of that fantasy. For this post I want to explore whether to be denied orgasms actually requires a device. Or whether the control of a Master is enough to stop a slave touching herself (unless instructed), masturbating or even orgasming. Indeed, are there slaves out there who have been deprived of an orgasm for more than a year. Yet wear no physical device. The answer to that one is: Yes there are.

Physical Chastity Devises

You can find pictures of the various devises available here on Pinterest. This article on Kink Closet provides all the information you need to help you choose the right device. That includes it’s purpose, how to measure yourself as well as advice on cleaning.

I especially like this particular model. It’s not something you’d want to be locked into for long periods, but the idea is pretty erotic. So much so that I’m going to write some erotica based on it. I’ll link back when it’s done.

There is plenty of female chastity erotica here on Literotica, which might be worth a look meantime.

My other fantasy for physical chastity is through the use of labial piercings. I wrote a piece of flash fiction about having my labia locked together. It’s certainly something I’d love to explore more. Of course, this is a more permanent type of solution, in that the labia are pierced and then joined by rings or bars.

Emotional Chastity

I hadn’t previously thought about orgasm control and denial as a form of chastity, but of course it is. We practice control, but not denial. This means that my orgasms belong to Master and he grants me permission to come. When I do, I thank him. Since we have been together I have rarely masturbated on my own and not at all in the time we have lived together. He loves to see and feel me orgasm, especially when his cock is deep inside me. On occasion we use a vibrator to make this happen. But whether or how I come depends on him. He is in charge and decides.

Other couples in power exchange relationships take orgasm denial to a different level. Littlegem writes in this post about how her husband and Dominant Purple Sole uses short periods of orgasm control and denial as a form of behavioural control. She also discusses how this increases her need to express her submission to him.

This is done without using a physical device or piercings. But through emotional control. I could go upstairs now and masturbate, but don’t because I know I mustn’t and because if I did I would have to tell Master what I had done. However the very thought that I have agreed to this rule reinforces my submission and also makes me want an orgasm more.

Blossom is a slave in a long distance M/s relationship she wrote on 15th October that she had been in orgasm denial for 650 days.

“never thought this would happen to this girl but it is happening and have to say am still enjoying every moment of it….of course one has her good and bad days….but all in all it has been good….hot, delicious moments….painful moments where one rubbed her clit so often that it hurt to touch”.

Physical vs Emotional

Physical female chastity is something of my imagination, desire and fantasy. But unlikely to become a reality for me. It looks like something to wear during play, or for a specific scene. But I know from the sheer amount of information available that this is a big kink for many people. It is also something that I find fascinating and will probably continue to read and write about.

Emotional chastity or control is a reality in my life and those of fellow bloggers. It isn’t something you need equipment for. But you will need a willing submissive or slave and time to develop a power exchange relationship.

Masturbation Monday

Swinging

The idea of going to a club, getting off with and having sex with someone else has never really appealed to me. Nor has meeting up with someone on a casual basis for sex, even if my partner were fully aware. This maybe seems strange, given I cheated on my husband and started more than one relationship with other men. I don’t think swinging is nor will it ever be right for me. But, I guess I need to unpack that a bit.

I’m not sure I’m cut out for casual affairs

I like to get to know people, find out how they tick before I head to bed (or wherever) with them. I prefer my relationships to involve emotional feelings, not just lust. And if I met someone that I connected with then it wouldn’t be casual. I know that I am monogamous and can’t see that changing. Having said that, when I met Master there was the possibility that it might have ended up being a casual thing. But that says more about my state of mind at the time than anything. But, I digress.

Equally I am pretty sure I’d be jealous if Master wanted to sleep with other women. But also I know that he would be unlikely to want to have sex for the sake of it. This gets to the crux of who we are and the kind of relationship we have.

We are Dominant and submissive, Master and Slave

We go to a club that most of the time is for swingers. But we attend on days when the focus is dominance and submission. Sex takes place at those parties too, perhaps some of it is swinging, but that isn’t why we are there. For us, it is an opportunity to access space and equipment we don’t have at home. I admit there is a certain amount a lot of excitement in playing in public – seeing and being seen. But we don’t go there to have sex, we do that at home.

Would I play with another and would he?

Yes, I believe that both of us would if the desire or opportunity arose. While that might be on a casual basis I’m not sure it would include sex. If Master wanted me to play with or have sex with another man, then I would. But I don’t think I’d want that to take place at a club or to be on a casual basis. I’d want it to be thought through and planned. The same if he was to play with or have sex with another woman. Then of course we are back to the feelings of jealousy that might arise.

I once had a foursome that was casual

I’ve written before about the events that took place 6 years ago with S. We met another couple to play and have sex. It happened in a hotel room and we were all present all of the time. I had sex with both S and they other guy that evening. I had my only ever girl on girl experience and S had sex with the other woman. It was fun and extremely sexy.

It was a casual encounter in that it only happened once. But there was nothing casual fun the way it was arranged. The other woman and I spent literally months getting to know each other and a lot of time discussing what would happen.

So in conclusion

I’m not a swinger and can’t see me getting into swinging. However I would have sex / play with others at the behest of my Master. But it is unlikely that would be a casual affair.

YKINMK

There is an acronym widely used in the BDSM world: your kink is not my kink (YKINMK). Added to which Your kink is ok (YKIOK).

This recognises that no two relationships are the same and that we need to respect that fact. Many people portray kink and BDSM as if there were only one way (a true way). But of course that is not the case.

I write a lot about my relationship with my Master, which we define as Master / slave. We have few protocols and rules and our dynamic ebbs and flows. It works for us and we take it very seriously. But the M/s relationship of other couples will be different and that is fine with us. We respect their relationship and wouldn’t dream of telling them they are doing it wrong.

But there are people out there who take great pleasure in advising others that their way is the true way and that yours is wrong. You can find quite a bit of this kind of advice on Fetlife and some message boards and chat sites. Generally I try to keep clear of those these days.

A great place for information and advice is Missy and His Lordship’s website: The Safeword D/s Club. There you will find forums and chat which will help you make up your own mind. Of course there are others, such as fetish.com, alt.com where Master and I met. But you always need to beware that not everyone is who they say they are. Plus there will always be people who try to tell you that their way is the only way.

Some years ago, fellow bloggers coined another acronym – TTWD – The thing we do. The thing you do is fine, it is unique to you and I guess it means the same as YKINMK. Remember though, YKIOK. Just don’t ram it down my throat, keep it to your blog. And I’ll do the same.

Mutual masturbation

Warning – Image NSFW

As I wrote here in 2016, mutual masturbation has become a part of my life that is different from what happened before. Now that we live together, all elements of our sex life have moved onto another level. There is more sex and more masturbation. Plus there is more time for fun and games while masturbating.

Slave to the machine

We lay in bed. I was browsing twitter, blog comments, the news. Regular stuff. He was looking at porn, while stroking himself, almost absent mindedly. Or so I thought. Suddenly he turned to me and told me he wanted me to fuck the machine. I was comfortable, warm and happy doing what I was doing, but the idea did appeal. Plus, cock in hand, he was half way out of bed. I rushed to get the machine from the room next door and within moments was hovering above the condom covered dildo. Briefly I stroked my slick vulva, already wet with anticipation and then sat down on the silicone cock. It felt good.

“Go on girl, fuck the machine” He grinned, perching on the end of the bed. I rocked, using the handle to help me ride the thing like a rodeo horse. The dildo moved in and out of me as I rode forward and back. All the time he was stroking himself, and egging me on. He told me I was a slave to the machine, and so I was.

Reaching for his camera, he told me to look at him. It was easy to see that he had me just where he wanted me. I was on the edge of orgasm, the pleasure seeping from every orifice, the pleasure showing in my face. Photos of my face would show me heavy eyed, lustful, lost in my submission as I listened for instructions. The photos he took showed something else, though expressive in themselves.

Afterwards he fucked me on the bed. As is often the case, our masturbation session led to sex. And orgasms.

February Photofest
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