The reward

I’ve been looking for some inspiration to write some more erotica and here it is. This beautiful photo of Marie Rebelle for this week’s Masturbation Monday. This is the first time I’ve written from the point of view of a man. So I’ll be interested in comments. Based as always on my own experiences, though not a single event. I’ve also taken the opportunity to use some Big Sexy Words.

Photo: Marie Rebelle, Rebel’s Notes

I watched from the doorway as she positioned herself, on the bed. Kneeling, legs apart, two thirds of the way down, arms outstretched in front, she leaned forward until her back formed a smooth straight line. Now in a state of repose, body relaxed and still. The blue panties, formed a perfect frame, separating her arse cheeks and the gab between. Her beautiful, smooth, tanned skin was lambent, almost inviting my caress. Her pink, shaved cunt seemed to be calling me to touch it. My cock indurated in response. I heard someone take a sharp intake of breath, only to realise that someone was me.

When I see Jess in this position, waiting for me as I’ve instructed it takes me back to those early days of our D/s relationship when we were exploring roles. The surge of power I feel when she takes that submissive pose is like an electric shock. It galvanises me and excites me, not only physically but mentally too. Such was the case today.

I stepped into the room and standing at the end of the bed leaned forward. ‘ready pet’? I asked. She didn’t speak, but a slight nod of her head provided affirmation. My fingers stroked the lace of her panties and traced a line around her cheeks. Leaning in further I placed a series of light kisses over her cool bottom. My fingers moved down to feel the top of her sexy fishnet stockings, then back to trace a line along her panties. This time the gasp came from the top of the bed.

A smile spread over my lips, and I began to nibble her flesh, taking small areas gently between my teeth. Next I placed my hands on her back and gentley massaged above the panty line. ‘are you wet, pet’? I asked as I slid a finger under the blue silk and ran it down between her legs. Her cunt was slick to the touch and clitoris already standing proud.

My cock strained against my boxers and a little pre-come emerged from the tip, making them damp. I wanted to take my pet, to penetrate her highly fuckable cunt, maybe her arse. But first there was the small matter of her reward. The flogging and caning I’d promised her. After all she had been such a good pet this week. Because in this house, impact play is a reward not a punishment.

So, standing upright I turned and reached for the first of the implements I’d laid out and picked out a soft flogger. Then, starting at the top of her spine I ran it slowly down her back before taking aim at her perfectly formed arse. “Thank you Sir” Came her immediate response. This was going to be a fun and fulfilling afternoon. At that point I wasn’t sure whose behaviour was being rewarded.

Big Sexy Words used:

  • Lambent – glowing, gleaming or flickering with soft radiance,
  • Galvanise – to shock or excite into action
  • Indurate – to harden
  • Repose – a state of calm relaxation or contemplation

2019 In Review

Over the past few years, at the end of December, I’ve looked back over my blog and created a review. The year has, on the whole been a good one, we’ve travelled to new places and done some fabulous things. This is my 235th post this year, up considerably on last year. I’ve discovered that writing about something is better than writing nothing. So it was only when I was away for the whole of July that I didn’t write at least twice a week. I’ll write more about stats when I post about my plans for 2020. But now, this is my year – 2019 in review.

January

The year didn’t start especially well for me, a hangover as it were from 2018. The unfinished business was radiotherapy for my breast cancer. The treatment itself wasn’t bad, but the cumulative effects – physical and emotional were. This post sums up the month. I haven’t written for the Sex Bloggers for Mental Health meme often and this is something I plan to rectify in 2020.

On 10th January I wrote this Friday Flash post and although I haven’t written much fiction in 2019 I managed two in January. My goal in 2020 will be at least one piece of fiction per month.

Being mainly confined to home, I wrote 27 posts in January, which set me up pretty well for February photofest.

February

My 7th highest post / category of all time is my February Photofest one for 2019. I posted 36 times, so it obviously wasn’t all about the images. I began to show bits of my body, and especially noticeable are the radiotherapy burns visible on any photo showing my chest.

Tell me about, which is co-run by Missy and Sweetgirl, have led to some reflective and thought provoking posts in 2019. This one, about showing my own vulnerability, is no exception.

Love Lock, is a fiction piece about genital piercings used to provide female chastity. I’ve now linked it to my most popular post ever – Chastity, does a girl need to be locked in? Something I did following a talk by Girl on the Net at Eroticon (more of that event below).

March

There were 19 posts in March, and two of my favourites are photos posted for Sinful Sunday. This one, Double Exposure was for the prompt week at the beginning of the month and Birthday Breakfast at the very end on Master’s birthday. Both were taken in hotel bedrooms and I am thankful that we have the opportunity to travel both here and abroad and to stay in some fabulous places. In these relaxed environments I have begun to feel able to share photos of my body again.

The other notable event was Eroticon, which I wrote about here. As the conference rolls around again soon, I am really excited to catch up with old friends and to meet new people.

April

Once again I joined in with the Blogging A-Z, this time using my blog history to examine how my journey has progressed. I found it a useful reflective tool which showed me how I have changed (or not) along the way. I posted 29 times, often combing other memes with the Blogging A-Z one. While I said afterwards that I wouldn’t participate again, I have an idea so I just might!

Favourite posts from this month were this one, of Master in the Swing of Relaxation and this one entitled Kinky. Both include images taken at STOXX which is sadly no longer available to rent.

May

Of the 22 blog posts for May, several are especially memorable. On 1st I wrote my Confessions of an unruly slave for The Erotic Journal Challenge. Brigit’s prompts are thought provoking and now they are monthly I’m better able to join in with them all. I think that particular post sums me up. I want to be the perfect slave, but often fall short.

Unmentionable has turned out to be particularly popular in terms of traffic. This is in no small way due to being placed in the top 3 posts for Elust #119. I would highly recommend submitting to Elust to help broaden your readership.

At the end of May we toured around Holland and Belgium for a week, during which time we were lucky enough to meet up with Marie Rebel and Master T. We enjoyed a lovely afternoon / evening together which I write about here. I’m looking forward to seeing both at Eroticon in March.

The following day we travelled to Amsterdam where we stayed in the Kinky Suite. My review is here.

June

Once again I joined Every Damn Day in June on Hy’s blog, and while I didn’t manage to post every day I did manage 29 posts. I participated in my first Lingerie is for everyone meme with this post. There’s new lingerie for 2020, so, I will be participating again soon.

I discovered a friend had passed away in April, but didn’t know until mid June. I wrote about him here.

July

We left for France at the beginning of July. Somehow I had run out of steam and was a bit out of love with writing and posting. So, there wee only 4 posts, one of which was Elust. Lazy days and hot nights sums up the month.

August

We were away for the majority of August too. But despite being on a boat with no Wifi for a week I still managed to write 12 blog posts. My favourite photo, posted for Sinful Sunday was this one – Topless. At last I was getting my mojo back!

On 29th I wrote about some issues I’ve been having with elusive orgasms. I’m pleased to say that the strategies we have been taking since seem to be helping.

September

This month we returned to CMnf after a break of a year and my mastectomy. I wrote here, about the wonderful reception I received. Sun kissed skin was a favourite photo, posted for Wicked Wednesday. How I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. Something to think about in the middle of winter!

The Smutathon took place at the end of September and while I wasn’t a participant, I wrote this post about abortion to link in with something that I consider a very important cause.

October

My Kissing Vignettes post for Food For Thought was in hindsight a way of edging myself back towards writing fiction. The post is based on some happy memories, but with a little artistic licence thrown in. The other of my 15 posts during October that I want to highlight is this one.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year during awareness month. My Breast Care Nurse warned me at the time to steer clear of the internet and I can understand why. This year, May More contacted me to ask if I was happy for her to write something to raise awareness, which of course I was. She inspired me to write the post above.

November

My Sinful Sunday post for November didn’t conform to the set prompt. But having the image available to use, I just had to post it. Molly and many others retweeted my post and then it and then it was chosen as one of the top Sinful Sunday posts that week, despite not being related to the prompt. I still feel proud and positive about this image. It has gone on to be the 6th most viewed post of all time (not just this year). And was partly responsible for my best ever blog stats that month.

My post – Submissive Training is it necessary for Tell Me About has proved immensely popular, and is currently number 8 on the all time list. The other of my 19 posts for November to highlight is this one. Bedroom Talk is another post based on reality, but which lends itself to a kind of faction (when you kind of remember stuff but have to elaborate). I posted this on Masturbation Monday.

December

That Bedroom Talk post inspired me to actually write some fiction. I’m really proud of An Advent Diary and am thinking of making it into a rolling story through the year. Perhaps the next instalment will be around Valentines……

At the beginning of December I was happy and proud to find that I was once again recognised in the Top 100 Sex Blogger List. This year I am at 32. My aim is for a top 10 spot, which will need some work both in terms of content and blog structure. I’m up for a challenge,

F4Thought

An advent diary

Advent calendar

Opening my eyes in the dim early morning light, I reach for my phone. Several messages await, but my focus is on the time and date. 08.00, December 25th. I’m alone in the bed and I have time to luxuriate in the warmth, the space and the peace before family arrive later. Today will be something different – parents, grown up children and partners. Nothing like the 24 days of advent.

1st December

I was in a coffee shop. Bill and I chatted we waited in line. He didn’t tell me his name right away, but he thoughtfully told the Barista when he ordered his latte. By the time we left the shop and went our separate ways, he had my name and number. More of him later.

2nd

I’ve been seeing James for a few months and he called round after work. He is under the impression that only full on naked sex in a bed is being unfaithful to his wife. I really should end this thing, especially given the way my ex treated me at the end of our marriage. Trouble is, James knows his way around a woman’s body and gives fabulous orgasms. His tongue action on my clit is to die for. What’s more he has great taste in champagne and always arrives carrying a bottle or two.

3rd

Dinner with my good friends Tom and David. They are in a relationship with each other, but not averse to flirting with me. Nor looking every man in the restaurant up and down to decide who might make a suitable partner for me. Or at the very least someone who looks to be a good fuck opportunity. A hilarious, if a little rowdy evening. It’s probably as well we don’t get together too often.

4th

I bumped into Steve, list in hand, as I browsed the salad isle in Waitrose. Strange really, because when we were married he was more of a Lidl or Aldi man. But I guess Sandra has an eye for quality when it comes to vegetables at least. Thankfully he was in a hurry, so the encounter was short.

5th

My boss, Gavin called me into the office to tell me our directors were really pleased with the project I recently completed. He thinks I might be in line for promotion in the new year. It’s weird really how my career has come on since I stopped being some kind of appendage to Steve. I don’t always feel massively confident about myself, but people like Gavin and his boss have been a great encouragement. Looks like 2020 might be a good one after all.

6th, 7th, 8th

Bill called last night and we met up for a drink, which led to dinner which led……… I really don’t usually sleep with men on the first date. I tend to be more cautious than that, but….. He has one of those riverside apartments and I went outside to take a look while he opened a bottle. He brought blankets out and we sat for a while chatting over our wine. Then he leaned in for that first kiss and before I knew it we were naked in his bedroom. Next, he was telling me how beautiful I am and I was running my hands up and down his greying chest hair. He is pretty fit for 55. The sex was really something. It’s funny, until recently I had no idea that there were men out there who actually know how to please a woman. And that they want to do it.

Next morning he made us breakfast, before we went back to bed for a few hours. I’ve not done anything quite this crazy in…… well maybe forever.

When I left for home on Sunday night my cunt was sore from being stretched by his very generous cock and to be honest my jaw aches a bit too. I’m already a bit addicted to sucking him off. I knelt before him while he sat on the sofa; I’m not sure I’ve done that before either. But it felt right somehow.

Work tomorrow though, so home it is.

9th

David put me on speaker phone in the car so Tom could hear. Damn those two have an instinct for these things, because I hadn’t expected to hear from them this side of Christmas. I’m to update them after the weekend.

10th

Away with work. After the events of the past week, I made my excuses after dinner and went to my room. A bath and TV was all I needed. I’ve no idea what time Gavin and Paul turned in, but there was football on in the bar anyway.

11th

Bill called me as I was driving home to ask if I’d be up for going to an adult club at the weekend. Another new thing for me to encounter in my 50’s. This really is turning out to be the decade for me. We discussed BDSM and his dominant side last weekend, I was surprised though not shocked. I’ve read some great erotic novels, just not thought about getting involved. He says we can just go and watch and I’m up for that, so I said yes.

12th

James texted to ask if he could call round, but I put him off. Maybe I should end things this side of Christmas.

13th – 15th

I’ve done it again – spent the entire weekend with Bill. I’m now considering taking a day off in the week to get stuff done. That includes my Christmas shopping.

But what an amazing time. Plus, my first spanking. I hadn’t expected to want to strip off down to my underwear at the club, but it happened. Everyone was so friendly, explaining about the equipment and how it felt to play. Bill kept me close to him while we watched and then I actually asked him if we could have a little go. I could tell he was really pleased I’d asked. And I found that having your bottom spanked, then flogged is really very arousing.

The sex back at his place was something else. As he removed my knickers he exclaimed at how wet I was. He told me how proud he was of me and do you know, it made me feel all the more aroused. It’s almost like I’m turning into someone else. Or else maybe the real me is emerging.

16th

I told James it’s over. Strangely he didn’t argue, but then I haven’t been returning his texts and calls. Especially at the weekend.

17th

Christmas shopping day. Thankfully I managed to get everything done before heading round to my parents for the evening. The only man in my life today is my dad and it’s great to catch up with him. They are looking forward to Christmas and I am too. I’m also wondering just what next year will bring.

18th

David and Tom summoned me for impromptu drinks. We went to a bar just up the road from my place. I spilled the beans on the spanking, I think I might have shocked them a bit. Of course, they want to meet Bill. After Christmas I said.

19th

Office party. I had great fun dancing to the old Christmas hits with the girls from our team and pulled a couple of the guys up to dance too. But I didn’t have a drink tonight and drove home. I want a clear head for tomorrow.

20th

As the family are coming to me this Christmas, today was my last day in the office this year. Gavin and I exchanged presents and I bought a few gifts and cards in for the team.

Tonight Bill came over to me for dinner. I am definitely falling for him, Sadly he has family stuff on tomorrow and so couldn’t stay. But I’m seeing him on Sunday.

21st

Food shopping and then a quick coffee with my son and his partner. Present wrapping to Christmas music and an early night. Sometimes you just have to do it.

22nd and 23rd

Bill and I went Ice skating in London. This is just the kind of fun and stupid thing that Steve turned his nose up during our marriage. He wasn’t even keen on taking the children out to places like that.

We drank mulled wine and ate mince pies then walked along The Embankment arm in arm. He can do the romance too. This man might end up being a keeper.

I stayed at Bills, something that’s becoming a habit – a very nice one at that. We talked about some of the things we might do together in the coming weeks. He gave me a couple of books to read, stuff about Dominance and submission. I promised to report back to him after Christmas. I won’t see him now till next weekend, but we’ll speak on the phone every day.

Christmas Eve

I got a bit behind with preparations as I was reading one of the books Bill gave me. The more I read, the more I realise that I am a submissive woman. How I yearn to have someone provide me with control. Apart from the great sex, Bill provides a quiet leadership, makes me want to please him. But also he is open about his wants and desires and somehow has allowed me to open up about my fantasies in a way I’ve never done before.

It feels like I’ve been opening a virtual advent calendar and have somehow reached Christmas Day as a new woman. How unexpected.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked
Masturbation Monday

Bedroom talk

He has a great way with words. I guess it is all the reading he does, plus his linguistics education. He tends to tell me what he thinks about my body and our sex life in English, but could easily do it in French or Spanish. Our bedroom is a fun place to be of a Sunday morning.

“I wanted to have sex with you the first time I met you” He told me, not for the first time. Looking back to the beginning is something he loves to do. “I felt your tits though” Indeed he did. Plus he pressed his hard cock against me when we kissed. It’s no wonder I was round his house the following afternoon. Though we didn’t have sex until the week after as he played with me instead.

He starts to suck my nipple. “what are you doing?” I ask “Just noshing down on your tit” comes the reply between sucks. I lie there thinking how middle class public school that sounds. He speaks well: upbringing, education. Not estuary like me! I love it when he swears or says dirty stuff, it sounds fabulous coming from his posh mouth.

“I’ve had more sex with you than anyone else”.

“Well we’ve had a lot of sex”, I reply. That is very true and I’ve had more sex with him than anyone else.

“You’re a better fuck than C” (a former sex worker he used to see and who is now a great friend of ours). This also pleases me greatly, perhaps I am pretty good at sex.

“Don’t tell her” I say.

“I might” he responds and we both laugh.

Anyway, in the past he has told me that I am the best fuck he has ever had. I believe him since he doesn’t have to say stuff like that.

“You’re mine” he says just before he goes down on my cunt.

“I’m definitely yours and no one else” I say. But also think, ‘and you are mine’.

Then we fuck and there’s little to say for a while. I do love Sunday morning in our house.

Masturbation Monday

Female Chastity – Physical or Emotional

Over the past year or so my Kink of the Week post on female chastity has been one of the most frequently read on my blog. I admit to being fascinated by the concept of physical chastity devices. Though I have never worn one, I find the idea extremely erotic. That I, a submissive woman might be locked into a metal and leather device by my Master. Prevented from touching myself makes me wet. I imagine him leaving me at home, locked in while he leaves town. The idea of being unable to touch myself, masturbate, is almost enough to make me cum. However this is all part of my imagination. Because the truth is I am not wearing a device, he is here and I actually don’t touch myself without his permission anyway,

For me, wearing a chastity device is a fantasy, though I would love to try. My Master doesn’t tend to deny me orgasms, he is more likely to force them out of me. But denial is part of that fantasy. For this post I want to explore whether to be denied orgasms actually requires a device. Or whether the control of a Master is enough to stop a slave touching herself (unless instructed), masturbating or even orgasming. Indeed, are there slaves out there who have been deprived of an orgasm for more than a year. Yet wear no physical device. The answer to that one is: Yes there are.

Physical Chastity Devises

You can find pictures of the various devises available here on Pinterest. This article on Kink Closet provides all the information you need to help you choose the right device. That includes it’s purpose, how to measure yourself as well as advice on cleaning.

I especially like this particular model. It’s not something you’d want to be locked into for long periods, but the idea is pretty erotic. So much so that I’m going to write some erotica based on it. I’ll link back when it’s done.

There is plenty of female chastity erotica here on Literotica, which might be worth a look meantime.

My other fantasy for physical chastity is through the use of labial piercings. I wrote a piece of flash fiction about having my labia locked together. It’s certainly something I’d love to explore more. Of course, this is a more permanent type of solution, in that the labia are pierced and then joined by rings or bars.

Emotional Chastity

I hadn’t previously thought about orgasm control and denial as a form of chastity, but of course it is. We practice control, but not denial. This means that my orgasms belong to Master and he grants me permission to come. When I do, I thank him. Since we have been together I have rarely masturbated on my own and not at all in the time we have lived together. He loves to see and feel me orgasm, especially when his cock is deep inside me. On occasion we use a vibrator to make this happen. But whether or how I come depends on him. He is in charge and decides.

Other couples in power exchange relationships take orgasm denial to a different level. Littlegem writes in this post about how her husband and Dominant Purple Sole uses short periods of orgasm control and denial as a form of behavioural control. She also discusses how this increases her need to express her submission to him.

This is done without using a physical device or piercings. But through emotional control. I could go upstairs now and masturbate, but don’t because I know I mustn’t and because if I did I would have to tell Master what I had done. However the very thought that I have agreed to this rule reinforces my submission and also makes me want an orgasm more.

Blossom is a slave in a long distance M/s relationship she wrote on 15th October that she had been in orgasm denial for 650 days.

“never thought this would happen to this girl but it is happening and have to say am still enjoying every moment of it….of course one has her good and bad days….but all in all it has been good….hot, delicious moments….painful moments where one rubbed her clit so often that it hurt to touch”.

Physical vs Emotional

Physical female chastity is something of my imagination, desire and fantasy. But unlikely to become a reality for me. It looks like something to wear during play, or for a specific scene. But I know from the sheer amount of information available that this is a big kink for many people. It is also something that I find fascinating and will probably continue to read and write about.

Emotional chastity or control is a reality in my life and those of fellow bloggers. It isn’t something you need equipment for. But you will need a willing submissive or slave and time to develop a power exchange relationship.

Masturbation Monday

Welcome to the pleasure dome

It’s been a long time, at least two weeks, perhaps more. Distance and then various appointments during the first few days back from Cyprus . Now at last we have time, energy and will power.

“You are my pleasure bitch” he says as he slides his cock over my clit piercing and teases my vulva with it. “Welcome to the pleasure dome” I answer.

He says he loves using my piercing to stimulate his cock. It certainly gets me going too. Lubricating his cock with my juice he slides deep inside. It’s been a while since I’ve felt quite so aroused and damn it today I want to come. This isn’t always the case these days, I wrote about that here. But today is different. “I need the new vibrator“, I say and he does no more but pulls away and goes to get it.

I am on my side, he spooned into my back. His cock is deep inside me, hard and almost too big to fit. I open my legs and place the large bulb of the vibrator onto my cunt. The vibrations are deep and strong and he sighs with pleasure. “Is that good?” I ask. “Oh yes, pleasure bitch its good!”

Quickly I feel my orgasm build. From within, where his cock throbs and outside where the machine vibrates my clit jewellery. The orgasm doesn’t take long to build and I am given permission to cum. Recently no count has been long enough, but today I wonder if I can hold it to 1. I do though.

We lie a while, the orgasm pulsating through us both. Finally he gets back on top and tells me he needs to come inside me. To breed me. Soon he his hot spunk is coursing through my vagina, mixing with my own plentiful juices.

Later on, straight after a lunchtime concert recital I go off to the ladies. I am pleased and not at all surprised to see the dampness still emerging onto my panties.

Pleasure dome indeed!

Masturbation Monday

His enjoyment

As he takes pleasure from me his enjoyment is evident. He tells me he loves the taste of me. The feel of my clit and especially my piercing on his tongue as it explores my depths. At the same time, I am able to lie back and enjoy the sensations, the arousal as my clitoris hardens to his touch. The way my vaginal opening clenches around his fingers as he slides them in. The orgasm growing from within me as he finds my g-spot while all the time lapping at me like a cat. The enjoyment he receives is more than matched my the intense pleasure he gives me. And that is just the start.

Masturbation Monday
February Photofest

Looking back at 2018

This year, more than most I can remember has been a time of immense highs and unbelievable lows. It has also been one of great change. For so long I talked about making those changes and there were many times that I thought they would never happen. This blogging year has also been one of highs and lows, a year where my writing has developed and grown but also one when I almost lost my blog. There is so much to write about this year and so many people to thank and mention so here goes.

January

The year started in a bit of a whirlwind as I supervised the packing and moving for my mum. There was over 30 years worth of stuff in her large 3 bedroom house. The concept of downsizing was completely alien to her and consequently this was a stressful time for me and my brothers. She tended to sit watching it happen, then complain when we threw things out she later said she wanted. On moving day, she took more furniture than it was physically possible to put into her bungalow. So more pain followed.

In the midst of all of that, it was difficult to find time to blog or be particularly sexy. As is often the case the memes (Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday, Kink of the week and SoSS kept me going). This year I have learned that writing about something is better than not writing at all. This month too, I joined the Smut Marathon (more of that later).

February

This post pretty much highlights that sex and kink was a bit lacking in our lives at the beginning of the year. Not entirely surprising given the whirlwind of January. At that time we were also planning for me to move in with him and had begun to get the house ready. Once again meme’s kept the blog going including TMI Tuesday, Food for Thought Friday and Art Twist. Indie and I have discussed bringing the latter back to life and maybe we will do that in 2019. I only recently realised that Kilted Wookie runs F4TF and it took a while to realise also that we had all week to write a post based on the prompt. Sometimes I am pretty slow on the uptake!

At the end of the month, while away for a weekend I managed to delete my blog! I still shudder when I think about how it happened and the work required to put it back together. Thankfully Dom Signs was there to help, I am so grateful to him. The full horror story is here. 

March

This photo was taken hours before my blog went down and so didn’t appear until 3 March. It brings back the better memories of that weekend. In this post I write some more about the blog, but also for the first time about participating in the smut marathon as well as sex and coffee (all important things).

Our sex and kink life was at last on the up. In this Masturbation Monday post I describe some impulsive kinky sex and later in the month our first public play event. I haven’t contributed to Masturbation Monday as much as I would have liked to this year. Mainly because my sex blogging libido has been a little off kilter. But I did have the pleasure of meeting Kayla Lords and her husband John Brownstone at Eroticon. I followed John’s blog first and clearly remember the run up to Kayla moving to be with him which was so exciting. Together they have become quite a force to be reckoned with in the blogging (and podcasting) community.

Eroticon was a wonderful weekend of fun and laughter, plus some amazing sessions at the conference. Apart from Kayla and John we met so many other bloggers and writers that were previously words and pictures on a screen. Marie and Master T, May More, Posy, Eye, Cousin Pons to name but a few. I wrote about it here.

April

Once again I joined in with the Blogging A-Z challenge. Although there are 31 posts for April, which is getting on for a record I still had to combine some of the A-Z daily posts. Keeping with a mainly kink theme, the posts can be found here.

For the Wicked Wednesday post on Driving Lessons, I wrote about my rather unpleasant driving instructor. I guess this is my Me too incident; thankfully mild, though as you could tell it has stayed with me.

In April we travelled to Seville for the Feria celebrations and had a wonderful week of rest and recuperation. Seville is one of those places that we have pretty much seen and done but return to. The relaxed lifestyle, long lunches, dinners in several parts suits us.

May

By May, preparations for my move were in full swing. Our weekends were filled with decluttering, house maintenance and beginning to pack. However we did manage to find time for some fun and games. It had been a while since Master bought his girl a tail, but I hadn’t really had the chance to wear it. Until now.

The Smut Marathon moved onto round 5 and to my surprise I was still in the competition. As I mention in my post about round 4, my editing skills were coming under pressure. I tended to write pieces that were much longer than needed, sometimes 4 times as long. Since being out of the competition I have started to try to write stories that are already short and so need less editing. The Smut Marathon was a wonderful competition and I am grateful to Rebel for all her hard work in making it the success it was and will be again.

June

Hy from A Dissolute Life Means challenged herself and others to Post Every Damn Day in June. I got off to a good start even though at the time I was on holiday in Slovenia. Much of the country is under developed, with beautiful lakes, hills and mountains to explore. A great opportunity for some natural photo opportunities. While away I participated for the first time in Hyacinth’s regular meme: Boobday. I look at my contribution with some sadness as this is the boob I no longer have. The cancer was already growing inside me, though I didn’t know it. I do hope to participate again soon, but more of that in the post I am going to write about the coming year.

There was one final trip away (for a weekend) before the end of June, providing a great Sinful Sunday opportunity. After that, life was crazy as we prepared for my move.

July

The weather was wonderfully hot. A proper English heatwave. Probably not what you need when you are spending much of your life packing boxes. On one of the last weekends spent before the move, we frolicked in the garden. Not only did I run around naked but we also had anal sex out there. My anxiety about the neighbours seeing anything dissipated under the influence of a bottle or two of wine.

The rest of July is a mad blur. I didn’t post anything of substance until 26th. After the antics in the garden I developed a urinary infection (perhaps the two are linked) and needed antibiotics. Then as soon as I was recovered I moved house. I wrote about it all here. To be honest, I was pretty glad to see the back of July.

August

August was about finishing up at work. Luckily, with many people away on holiday the roads and railways were quiet, though London was as usual busy. There were few meetings so I was able to declutter my work environment in a reasonably calm way. I had a wonderful send off from colleagues and left on 31st. I also started to reorganise my blog a little, ending one journey page and starting another.

As we gradually settled into our life together we began to rekindle our kinky sides and also had some fun.

September

During my first week of freedom from work we travelled to France. I was to put it mildly, exhausted. A short weekend break extended to almost a week and the fact we could do that was the most liberating thing.

All through August I was waiting for the inevitable. I revealed at my mammogram early in the month that I had found a lump in my breast and knew I would be recalled. The first date I was given was for 31st August, but as this was my final day at work I asked for a later appointment. So on 11th September Master and I spent the entire afternoon at a one stop breast clinic. We came away already knowing that cancer was suspected, but had to wait a week for confirmation. The following day I travelled to Cyprus with my mum with a massive plaster on my boob. Over the coming days a huge bruise formed.

Cyprus was beautiful though. Hot sunny days and warm evenings. Even my mum and my attempts to hide my bruising didn’t spoil it. But I really did miss Master and wrote about my longing for him here.

On my return I received the news that we had been both expecting and dreading. I had breast cancer.

October

I think we saw the inside of more hospital wards and departments than I experienced in the first 3 months of my nursing career. Master was beside me the whole way and has been my rock and guiding light ever since the first appointment. Our hopes of a lumpectomy were dashed as the tumour was too large. So on 15th I had a mastectomy.

Many blog and twitter friends and followers have congratulated me on my positivity in coping with the surgery and aftermath. While I wanted to catalogue my journey and will continue to do so, I didn’t seek to make it seem easy. The operation was straightforward, but the recovery painful and frustration. I wasn’t the best patient, I don’t think nurses usually are. But I was determined not to succumb to self pity and so I guess that is why it came across that way. I started a series of regular posts about my recovery which will continue for as long as necessary.

November

I felt ready on 11th November to give Sinful Sunday followers a glimpse of my new body. I always knew that I was part of a body positive group of people but have been overwhelmed by the support. None more so than from Molly and that is why I chose Sinful Sunday for this post. Being able to go to the munch that Molly and Signs run and speak openly to others including Sub Bee has really helped. I am looking forward to getting together with Molly in the new year so she can photograph me lots more.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on here, sent me emails and messages on twitter. I know too that Master has found the support from this community to be a really positive thing.

December

A month of end of year lists and reviews, and I find myself on so many. After everything that has happened this year, I am overwhelmed. Looking back over my blog, I can see that it has been a good year for my writing.

Thank you to those who nominated me for the Kinkly and Chaturbate top sex blog lists. Thank you to May More for the wonderful messages of support and for including me on her Top of the Blogs list. To Floss, who named me as one of her top 20 Lovelies. To Kilted Wookie for putting me on the Naughty List, to Master Venture for including me on his list of people worth following and to Marie Rebelle for including me on her Top 20 of ’18. I am incredibly honoured to have been recognised by so many of the wonderful people I admire in this community.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog this year and to those who have commented and supported me. Here’s to 2019 – more of that to come.

Control through sex

He pushed his cock in slowly, stretching the entrance to my tight hole. Once he had slid in a little, he withdrew allowing the tip to run across my piercing. The feeling as the hard cock slid back inside me was delicious, a little easier this time. 

For a few moments we were both silent as his penis slid in and out, each time brushing across my clit. “I love to do this” he said, stating something very obvious. “I love to use you like this, your cunt, my cunt. 

By way of a reply I wrapped my legs tightly around him just as he slid his cock back inside and held him there. “Squeeze me” he grinned. I obliged by tightening my pelvic floor muscles. “Mmm that is so good”.

“My party piece” I agreed. 

I slid my legs down the bed a little and he adjusted position and got himself into a fine rhythm, moving between them. Deeper with each movement until his balls were close to my vulva. “You’ve got a wide on” he exclaimed. No longer tight then, now fully open for him, while he in turn filled me to the brim. 

“You need this don’t you? You need me to use you like this, to control you”

“Yes Master, this girl does” 

And I do. 

I have written before about how vanilla our sex could look to a fly on the wall. So long as it was deaf. We are often in the missionary position and our sex is more often PIV. But we both get off on knowing he is in control, that he is using my body as he wishes. He tells me I am his cunt and it sends endorphins flooding to my clit, telling it to swell and throb. Then he puts a finger there and exclaims how turned on I am and of course immediately I could orgasm. 

Even when I get on top of him, he retains control. Of my movements, of the rest of my body and of course my orgasms. He tells me when to release and I do. No matter how many times I think I won’t come when he tells me, I still do. It is mighty weird, but I suppose I am as conditioned as Pavlov’s dog. His woman, his slave, his cunt. His bitch – MPB.

Masturbation Monday

New realities

Yesterday, we had sex. Spur of the moment, lustful afternoon sex. 

In the morning we woke in a large, but slightly chilly hotel room. Breakfast was served till 10, so even though we were both randy as hell, we deferred. We showered together, he lathered my body with soap and caressed my breasts. He held me and kissed me and bent forward to take my right nipple in his mouth.

I am feeling mighty odd about my right breast. The bruise from the biopsy has faded, but is just visible. The hardness inside, the cancer, remains for the moment. I look at my breasts in the mirror and think that the right one has changed shape. Perhaps, maybe. I am scared that after the operation I won’t feel like me any more. worse that he won’t want this new me. These are stupid and crazy thoughts, but they are real.

He loves my breasts

He calls them jugs, they belong to him, along with the rest of me and he loves them. Over 4 years ago, while our relationship was still new, I had my nipples pierced, for him. Also though for me, and we both love those piercings. Yesterday he took some photos, in the hotel room. He said what I was thinking, that we need to take photos now, just in case. In case I need a mastectomy and it doesn’t look the same. We have lots of photos of my breasts, many of them are on this blog, but knowing what is about to happen means we want more.

After breakfast we set off to a nearby city and wandered around the cathedral. As I wandered around, looking at the beautiful architecture, the stained glass, the tombs of clerics from centuries ago. I was struck by the peace of the place and could see how people might turn to the church and religion in times of need. I don’t have that feeling myself, but found the environment some how reassuring. A place where the fog can clear and the future, whatever it brings be faced. 

When we got home we had sex

Not straight away. He went off into his office to attend to some admin and sort through photos. I sat reading blogs, catching up on Twitter and responding to comments on here. Suddenly, he appeared in front of me. He asked what I was doing and without really waiting for an answer he unzipped his trousers. Moments later I had his cock in his mouth, it tasted very good. Slightly salty, warm and hard. My cunt throbbed a little. His cock filled my mouth.

We went upstairs and stripped off. On the bed, he ran his fingers over my slick vulva and proclaimed that I was turned on too. Damn right I was. He pushed slowly but surely inside and my body welcomed him. I needed this, wanted to feel him, to know that he wanted me. He moved in and out with ease, my body opening up like magic. My head cleared as it had in the church and I concentrated on him, his cock and his fingers. 

This wasn’t an epic sex session. A couple of orgasms for me, a change of position and he was coming inside me. But it was pure in the moment, carnal desire. I needed to know he still fancied me and he does. And what is more, I fancy him too and I don’t think that will change. I just need to remember that when things get tough.