There were so many interesting pieces of equipment to try out on our recent trip to the Kinky Suite in Amsterdam. This was one of them. I guess it isn’t usually the dominant you might see caged like this. But he tried it for size and I snapped him for posterity. I think you’ll agree he looks rather appealing in there! My review of the Kinky suite can be found here.
I struggle, even after all this time to understand my body’s reaction to pain. After all pain is meant to be a stimulus that warns us that things are not right, that we should take flight. But the right kind of pain delivered in a certain way isn’t at all like that.
Until I met S, I had never participated in play where pain led to sexual arousal. But when he told me that flogging my backside with a leather implement made my cunt ooze I felt excited. And so began a wonderful journey to pain and arousal.
Pain isn’t a huge element in the relationship Master and enjoy. But it is an important one. Pain is something reserved for play. The intimacy we exerience when I am leant over a bench, legs spread is unique. For him, the time he spends feeling between my legs for my reaction is as important as the impact of the lashes inflicted upon my cheeks.
I glow red for minues or perhaps an hour. But the effect on my cunt can last for days. I am a pain slut, but you won’t see the evidence visually. Instead the signs are subtle. Pain brings out my submissive nature, it helps me feel and see who I am. It shows him the impact (in many ways) of his actions and reminds me of what I am.
Last week we stayed at another self contained kinky room / suite / apartment. (See here and here for our previous encounters). It occured to me that it would be useful for me and others if I posted a review of places like this as we visit. I’m pretty sure we will visit others, plus if there’s interest I will devote a page so I can build up a resource.
Venue and Location
This little apartment is pretty much in the middle of the red light district. It is almost next door to one of the ‘coffee houses’, if that’s your thing. Plus there are bars, restaurants and sex shops near by. Arrival can be by taxi, or a 10 minute walk from Central station but there is no parking (as is usual in Amsterdam).
The Lay out
The Kinky Suite is on 3 levels, though you have to go upstairs to the first level. The kitchen is well laid out and is well appointed. Coffee and tea is provided and there is a huge fridge and a microwave and coffee machine. The supermarket is just around the corner for supplies. Next to the kitsch is the living area which has ample seating and TV with loads of music and films. Plus a corner area, where a slave could kneel for punishment.
On the second level is the bedroom and bathroom. The bed is a huge 4 poster with a cage underneath, plus benches to lean over, areas to be restrained in. Essentially the sky is almost the limit. Floggers and other impact toys are provided but if you need anything else, you’ll need to bring it with you.
The bathroom contains a huge jacuzzi bath as well as shower. The toilet is separate.
Upstairs again is a tiny room. This is described as the mirror room, essentially it contains a sex swing over a large bed and mirrors.
Our impressions of The Kinky Suite
This was by far the most spacious kinky place we have stayed in, partly because of it being on 3 levels. We particularly liked the bed which was large and comfy, the swing and mirrors. I especially loved having sex while looking at us from a number of angles, now that was hot. We also enjoyed the jacuzzi, we went to Lush and bought some bath bombs and used the bath twice.
I often struggle to relax when I first arrive in these places, especially if we have had a busy time already that day. This was no exception, so kicking off with a bath was an excellent start. Also Amsterdam is a fantastic city so it is difficult to fit in kink and time to explore, eat and drink. So, next time (and there will be a next time) we will stay for 2 nights.
Master reckons the cost is similar to staying in one of the more up market central city hotels. It isn’t a cheap option but it feels like a good one for this city. The amenities in the apartment would lend themselves for some self catering and I think that’s what we’ll do next time.
The stairs are pretty steep, so care is needed and it might not suit anyone with mobility problems. The bath is huge and takes ages to fill, but there is plenty of hot water. The shower was less good, so we both used the shower in the bath next morning.
The location is great for exploring and being in the centre of things. But it also makes it noisy with late night revellers and dust carts in the early morning. But maybe the first priority is not sleep?
The key thing though is to allow enough time for play and that’s something we didn’t really do this time.
This is something that I never did. When I started to read about Dominance and submission the one thing I knew deep down was that I didn’t want to try such a thing with my then husband. There are a number of reasons for this.
The relationship has run it’s course
We had been married for nearly 30 years when I strayed. The relationship had limped along for years, more a friendship than a love affair. Of course, it is inevitable that a long-lasting relationship will lack that first flush of passion. Ours involved very little sex by the end, but it was more fundamental than that. I actually began to dislike being together, living in the same house. The little irritations that had been there all along started to play on my mind and feel much bigger than they probably were.
When I began to look for more excitement in my sex life and for a different type of relationship I knew that he wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted, no matter how hard we tried.
He is not able to be dominant and I don’t want to be
I’m as sure as I can be that my husband would have been amenable to trying D/s. But he really isn’t able to be dominant all of the time. No doubt I could have switched with him, but the more I discovered about D/s the more I knew that would never work. I craved someone who would not only take me in hand in the bedroom, but who would carry it through.
The benefit of time and a good M/s relationship has proved me right
Looking at my life now and the interactions I still have with my ex show me that I am right. Also my observation of his current relationship is that my ex’s new partner is the more dominant one. She has picked up where I left off and provides the guiding hand that I became so tired of providing.
I know that I need the dominance of my Master. I need him to provide me with structure and control. I need the sex life we have, one which is kinky and exciting. I want and need the play that he plans and controls.
I know that many people have moved from a long standing vanilla relationship into a D/s one. I know that the change has saved a number of relationships. But I am sure that it would have been a disaster for me and may have prevented me from finding the happiness I now have.
The play area at Stoxx wasn’t short of mirrors. So there was no shortage of ways for our image to be reflected. This is me, restrained and suspended in the swing. Reflected for Master to enjoy.
This is day 3 of the Loving BDSM 30 days of Kink – Titles and labels. I identify as slave.
One of the joys of being Master’s slave is the opportunity it provides me to shed my vanilla persona. For a minute, an hour, a day or however long it is, I can be ‘this girl’ His bitch, a number even. Most of the times when I can focus in this way are during a scene or in bed. But sometimes it may be a moment in the kitchen, the car or out walking. A moment to focus on who I am, who I serve and what that means.
I didn’t choose to be called slave. Master chose me. He decided that is what best fitted his needs and after discussion and negotiation we agreed that was who I was to be. And while I am always his slave, there are specific times when we concentrate much more on our roles. At these times our power exchange relationship comes to the fore and that is all that matters.
All of our sex has a kinky element, overlaid heavily with BDSM. He very much gets off on the power element of being my Master and Lord. During sex he also likes us to reaffirm our roles as Master and slave. That he owns my limits and that I need to be dominated. This in turn helps to free my mind and concentrate on what is important, him. Sex tends to take place in the mornings, though occasionally, like last night late at night. We don’t tend to scene or play, though we may use toys such as vibrators or dildos. He controls my orgasms and that is another important element of our M/s relationship. I’ll talk about this in another post.
We share household responsibilities between us, therefore doing all of the cooking and cleaning etc. isn’t something I am expected to do. But I do take the initiative to do things that I think will make his life easier. This doesn’t however extend to his ironing etc. When we are out Master takes charge of what we are doing, where we are going and often these days I just let it happen. This is particularly true when we go on holiday, he does all the organising and I buy a guidebook and enjoy the surprise element of where we end up. From a service point of view then, I lead an easy life.
We attend local munches and when we are with friends and like minded people there is no protocol about us. I wear my collar, but otherwise people wouldn’t know I am a slave. I do enjoy attending play events, especially CMnf. I’d like to attend more of these kind of events, including those that are higher protocol. I think I would enjoy the challenge.
This is the second post in the Loving BDSM series 30 days of D/s.
Does a submissive have certain behaviors?
Over the past few years I have met many submissive people, in real life and through the blog and social media. There do seem to be common traits and behaviours that people share. There are many nurses and teachers in our midst, so perhaps caring and nurturing appeal to someone who identifies as submissive. We are often people who appear strong and independent, intelligent and able. But peel away the layers and there is often a vulnerability. A need to serve another, for structure, to be cared for. For me also, I have a need to give the responsibility for decision making to another person. Not for every aspect of life, but an increasing number things.
Do submissives do specific tasks?
There is no one type of submissive, so while many do specific tasks they won’t necessarily be the same ones. The key thing for me is a desire to serve, whether that is providing food, support or other practical things. Or else serving sexually, being ready for use in what ever way he chooses. I don’t have tasks that are expected to be done each day, but more general rules which relate to actions and behaviour.
When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?
Submission for me is about acknowledging that my life is about serving my dominant, my Master. That he has total power and control of me in all aspects of life. In reality this means that I no longer have secrets, always discuss worries and concerns and where necessary and desirable defer to him for a decision. I often complain and argue but in the end I will usually accept his decision. Though he has been wrong on occasions and said so.
It is in the bedroom or playroom that my submission shows itself more effectively. That is because there I am able to shake off the thoughts and responsibilities of daily life and put myself in his hands. When orgasm control, cock worship, sexual play, impact play and other elements of BDSM come to play. That is when my submissive self more closely matches those you read about in fictional stories and M/s manuals.
But life can’t be one long dungeon scene and I wouldn’t want it to be. So in the main, and average person wouldn’t know I was a submissive. But Master does and that is what matters.
There is an acronym widely used in the BDSM world: your kink is not my kink (YKINMK). Added to which Your kink is ok (YKIOK).
This recognises that no two relationships are the same and that we need to respect that fact. Many people portray kink and BDSM as if there were only one way (a true way). But of course that is not the case.
I write a lot about my relationship with my Master, which we define as Master / slave. We have few protocols and rules and our dynamic ebbs and flows. It works for us and we take it very seriously. But the M/s relationship of other couples will be different and that is fine with us. We respect their relationship and wouldn’t dream of telling them they are doing it wrong.
But there are people out there who take great pleasure in advising others that their way is the true way and that yours is wrong. You can find quite a bit of this kind of advice on Fetlife and some message boards and chat sites. Generally I try to keep clear of those these days.
A great place for information and advice is Missy and His Lordship’s website: The Safeword D/s Club. There you will find forums and chat which will help you make up your own mind. Of course there are others, such as fetish.com, alt.com where Master and I met. But you always need to beware that not everyone is who they say they are. Plus there will always be people who try to tell you that their way is the only way.
Some years ago, fellow bloggers coined another acronym – TTWD – The thing we do. The thing you do is fine, it is unique to you and I guess it means the same as YKINMK. Remember though, YKIOK. Just don’t ram it down my throat, keep it to your blog. And I’ll do the same.
It wouldn’t be right to write a whole series of posts related to my blogging history without mentioning my breasts or nipples. They have been an important element of my kinky life and our relationship. And it would be wrong too, not to mention that since October 2018, I only have one of each.
Nipples in sex and foreplay
My nipples were always sensitive and an important area of foreplay for me. I love having my nipples sucked and played with. Feeling the vibrations from the magic wand or the electricity of the violet wand.
In the early days with S I experimented using pegs on my nipples while he and I had phone sex. Nipple clamps were one of the first bits of equipment he bought to try on me. So when I met Master, I was more than ready for a greater level of torture.
S and I discussed me getting my nipples pierced. But that didn’t happen until soon after I got together with Master. I hadn’t felt right before, and anyway the relationship with S became more of a friends with benefits one. But when Master suggested it, I knew I wanted to do it.
We had only known each other for 2 months, but things were moving fast. He loved the idea of me modifying my body for him. And although I wanted to do so, it was something I really wanted for myself. So in April 2014, he came with me to the piercer and I had my nipples and clitoral hood pierced.
Having my nipples pierced only heightened the sensations I felt when they were touched, pulled or sucked. I bought pretty jewellery and later Master bought me a nipple extender – a vicious but spookily enjoyable experience. But, I didn’t always find my nipple piercings easy to manage. Often the jewellery made them sore and so for long periods of time, I tended to leave the same bar or ring in place. Interestingly the right was often more troublesome and often oozed serous fluid. The histology report from my mastectomy said that the nipple was chronically inflamed.
Post Mastectomy nipple
I think that the worst thing about the mastectomy is not the loss of breast tissue, but of my nipple. I am planning a reconstruction, but any nipple won’t be real, it will have to be a tattoo.
Of course, though, I still have a nipple and a breast. Somehow it doesn’t quite feel the same. I seem to have lost some of the connection it previously had with arousal and my clitoris. This may be psychological as when Master is playing with it, or sucking it I am often thinking of the lost right one. It may then be about time and finding a new normal. It has only been 6 months and the mind takes longer to heal than the body.
That isn’t to say I don’t want my nipple pinched and squeezed. I do. I am still pierced and do plan new jewellery soon. It’s just that coming to terms with only having one nipple is taking longer than I imagined it would.
Our sex life is 99% kinky, but day to day we barely reach 40%. Our sex life ebbs and flows, much like everyone else, I imagine. Life gets in the way and often we are powerless to intervene. Or else too tired.
But sometimes we get the opportunity to reach a full 100%. Just such an event happened on Monday night when we checked into The Stoxx
We spent the weekend an hour or so away indulging in the culture of late 19th century / early 20th century English song. Also enjoying the delights of local food and drink. During the day on Monday we visited two nearby cities, visiting the cathedrals and generally soaking up more culture. By the time we arrived at the dungeon I was feeling a little jaded.
The set up
Set in the middle of the countryside Stoxx is a purpose built cabin. We climbed the 8 or so steps and found ourselves in the bedroom area. The bed itself was constructed of sturdy wood with a cage and blackout area underneath. At the end of the bed was a set of stocks.
Into the play room and the sheer array of kink equipment was almost mind blowing. With benches, a swing, St Andrew’s cross etc. As well as various implements to please or torture, depending on your point of view.
Soon after we arrived, we got down to some kinky play. I wore a kind of net dress for the duration and was soon leaning over one of the benches while Master thrashed me soundly. For once, this didn’t really get me into the right mood. I struggled to empty my mind of the busy weekend and day of culture. So we took a break for a while and relaxed on the sofa and drank some wine. After a while though I was ready for some very intense play. The result of which can be seen in the image below. There will be plenty more of these to be seen over the coming weeks.