In the Zone

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter Z

This has been my fourth year of Blogging A-Z and once again it has been difficult to keep on track. At least this year I am finishing on the right day. For once I’ve managed to stay in the zone most of the way through.

Unfortunately I lost momentum on Food, Fitness and Health and only made it to J. I decided that it was better to get to the end on one blog than to stumble and fall on both. I’ve also decided to make My For the Health of it meme monthly. There are just too many meme’s around and anyway it is difficult to be productive in these difficult Covid times.

Now for a round up.

Who else has been in the Zone this month?

First I’d like to mention Charlie of Sex Blog of Sorts who after a long hiatus is back writing her fabulous short stories. She hasn’t posted every day in April but looks well on the way to completing the challenge. Tension is just one of her excellent tales, this one about jealousy in a knife skills class. Pretty dangerous!

Rebel has been writing about her relationships, mainly with her husband Master T, but also with friends and family. I know this has been a difficult month for her, like many of us. But as always her writing is sincere and very good. This one tells us how Master T is the Ying to Marie’s Yang.

Mrs Fever has been blogging about health, a theme close to my own heart. I really should try a theme if I participate next year. This post about Summer Sunshine came at a time when we were having our own spell of yellow and warmness. She writes about the wonderful health benefits of the sun with some caveats about why we also need to take care. I just wish the sun would return here, it seems to have disappeared!

Mrs fever has a list of all the sex bloggers that have participated this year. Which you can find here.

Deviant Succubus has written some fabulous posts this month. I have to say I aspire to her high Libido right now. I love how uninhibited she obviously is and how much enjoyment she and her partner get from their life together. Obviously that is caveated with difficult times of mental ill health, but I love the was DS writes about every aspect of her life.

Cara Theron has definitely found her voice again this month. This creepy tale, Trees has a twist that surprises. I often wish I had Cara’s skill and imagination for fiction writing. Plus she has used some beautiful images to complement the posts.

Brigit Delaney has written some poetry this month, combining April Poetry Month with the Blogging A-Z. This poem, Come especially resonates with me. Thoughts of night time, sleepy sex and of coming for them.

That was just a short round up of some of the great participants of course there were many many more. Click below to go to the Blogging A-Z site to find out who else participated.

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

Years

There are no categories or tags beginning with Y. It occurs to me I might not be labelling posts all that well. Something perhaps to rectify. For today’s post I have decided to recap on this week through the years from 2012 until this week to see how my life has changed.

2012

This week in 2012 I was preparing to see S for the second time. The plan was for me to visit him on the south coast. For this I took a days holiday from work so we could spend time together and told my husband I was at a conference.

S was into dressing up and role play. So in advance of the trip I bought a maid’s outfit, which I’d arrive wearing. The trip took place in early May and my posts on 28th and 29th outline the plans we have put in place. The anticipation is pretty much palpable. What is also clear is that I was already up for following instructions, this was something very new for me.

2013

By April 2013 my life had somewhat changed. My ex had found out about S at the end of November and was still trying to sort his head out. On 28th April he was away. When I wrote the post I believed he was with a male friend, but that turned out to be a lie. He was already seeing his then partner. I’ve always found this deceit to be odd since he didn’t need to lie.

I was still seeing S but had also begun to join Meet Up groups and to branch out a little on my own. My confidence was growing. As I added at the end of last year, S was already pushing me away and was helping me to prepare for the future. The following week I took my first solo trip, to Florence.

2014

My relationship with S ended at the end of 2013 and by April 2014 I was seeing my now Master. My nipples and clitoral hood were pierced this week in 2014 and in this post from April 27th I describe the process and my feelings around it. I was already Master’s property and was settling into my role as his submissive. The big problem though was his possessive and very jealous slave.

Reading my post from 30th, I recognise my mood swings as being part of a time of uncertainty. Master was about to leave to visit his slave and she was anxious about the effect our relationship was having on theirs. It turned out that she was right to worry, but it would take a few more months to come to a head.

2015

Today in 2015 I wrote about ‘Gold’ for Kink of the Week. Being peed on or else peeing on another person was something new to me when I met Master. As I say in this post, from the start he watched me pee in the toilet then soon after asked me to do so in the shower. This post shows I was pretty unsure of this as a kink. I’d say it still isn’t mine but I do know that he gets a massive thrill from it. Though like a lot of things it isn’t a frequent occurence.

On 27th I wrote about ‘Letting go’, which is about my ability to let go of the day to day stresses of life when we are together. The effect letting myself drift back into my submission had such a freeing effect on me.

2016

This was the year of my first A-Z. My Y that year was Yours. I looked back to the first few weeks of our relationship and pondered my reasons for getting involved. After all he had another slave and I was meant to be secondary partner. A recognition of my neediness but also that something was obviously missing from Master’s life. Quite a poignant post.

X was for Xanadu and X rated. I really rather love the poem quoted. In the X-rated part I wrote about my impressions of Tumblr. Oh how things have changed.

2017

As is often the case I was in A-Z catch up mode this week in 2017. We were away for the weekend on 30th when I wrote about Vagismus and Weekends. I thought at the time that I might be suffering from vagismus as I was having a lot of pain, dryness and great difficulty in having PIV sex. In hindsight these were all menopause related issues and they resolved once I stopped worrying about them so much.

Soon before this post I managed to accidentally delete my blog and I have just added in the photos that got lost during that time. Many posts from early 2017 are either missing and lost or corrupt in some way. Moral is that you should get someone else to move your blog to a new host if you don’t know how to yourself. Also that you should never do anything important in blog admin while in a pub drinking wine!

2018

For Kind of the Week on 30th I wrote about Feet. It’s strange that I like my feet touched now, but in the past hated it. I also love to be bear footed and often walk around the house that way. As for the A-Z, well I was catching up Y and Z on 30th – You, Zabaglione and Zelous!

I observed that Master reads everything I write and has done from the beginning and that we are a community of bloggers. I dedicated that part of the post anyone who visits and comments. I also said I’d do my best to stay away from drama. I do need to follow my own advice.

2019

Last year on 29th April I wrote about YKINMK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink) and of course YKIOK (Your Kink Is OK). I love to write about our relationship and am only too aware that ours is unique and different from others. Recent events suggest that it isn’t just kink that we need to think of unique to ourselves. Respect is the greatest gift we can bestow on each other and I hope there will be more of that going forward.

A whistle stop tour through 8 years of my life and blog.

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter Y

Xeronisus

There are no categories beginning with X on my blog. So I went over to Kinkly to find a word to use and so my new category beginning with X is Xeronisus. It means a person who is unable to orgasm at all. Apparently it is a relatively common condition, more common in females. Those with the condition are unable to achieve orgasm through either masturbation or sexual intercourse.

I’m extremely pleased to say that I don’t suffer from xeronisus, though I have struggled to reach orgasm from time to time. At the moment I find it difficult without direct clitoral stimulation, preferably a vibrating toy.

Masturbation

When masturbation meant going solo I sometimes found orgasm difficult to reach. I could lie there stroking my clit for ages, insert toys into my vagina and still not come. What’s more vibrating toys sometimes couldn’t get me off either.

I found a great site called masturbation dot com which no longer seems to exist. There they had not only sexy stories but also information on how to get the most from masturbation. There I discovered more about my anatomy in relation to orgasms than I had learnt elsewhere. Subsequently I found my G spot, something of a revelation. Clitoral orgasms are my favourite still but I do love a G spot one and Master is pretty good at locating it with his cock.

Interestingly, Kinkly suggests that exploring your body or doing so with your partner is a way to help overcome xeronisus. As is increasing foreplay. This may be part of the reason I struggled while married.

Foreplay

My ex wasn’t big on foreplay. I’ve written before that he though it involved little more than a quick grope of the tits. What’s more he was in favour of getting his satisfaction and couldn’t understand why I hadn’t already come when he had. I learned to satisfy myself, but had to actually learn how to do that. I came to it all late too.

Master loves foreplay. In fact there may not even be sex at the end. He loves to give me pleasure and to take it for himself. He also likes me to orgasm and to do so a lot.

Orgasm Control

I wrote last year about Master’s control of my orgasms. After 6 years it is part of my normal life. He has never said I can’t masturbate but I must ask permission to orgasm and to thank him afterwards. When I lived alone (or semi alone) he would often give free rein to come. I used to thank him straight after even if he wasn’t there. Now we live together I don’t masturbate alone.

For some unknown reason I have stopped being able to come on demand. Something that used to happen with ease. I have a hunch the tablets I take to reduce oestrogen levels in my body are the cause, but can’t be sure. Master therefore uses our wand to force them out of me.

Receptive to Change

Over the years I and we have had to change in order to get the best from our relationship and sex life. That includes orgasms and masturbation. I’ve become a much more sexual person over time. Reading erotica and books about power exchange relationships made me want to masturbate and orgasm. The discovery that I knew my own body less than I imagined was a bit of a wake up. Finding out that things that got me off suddenly didn’t have been scary. But I and we have found our way around them and no doubt there will be more learning to come as both our bodies age.

I’ve never experienced xeronisus and hope I never do. But finding the word has made me think about how wonderful orgasms are and how they have changed for me over time.

I’d never be a cougar

A cougar (animal)

The only three categories beginning with W are Women’s rights, Work and Wicked Wednesday. Guess which one this post will be categorised under for the 110th time. This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is Cougar. Definition: Large American cat (see above) or an older woman seeking a sexual relationship with a younger man. In this post I’m going to tell you why I am not and probably never will be a cougar.

All my men have been older

My ex is over 4.5 years older than me. I was most pleased when he asked me out because it was definitely a thing to have an older boyfriend. I was almost 16 and he was 20. Each year the gap widened slightly when he had his birthday in October and I caught up again the following August. Around that time we might have had about the same mental age and it suited us. We had lots of fun and were only grown ups at work (once I did so).

Later when chatting to men online I tried to avoid those that were young, preferring men of my own age or older. When I started meeting men I’d met online they were also older than me.

Young men online

There are lots of young men in chat rooms that seek out an older woman. No doubt the reverse is true, but I’ve never done it. They tell you they love older women, they want to learn from you and think you and other older women are sexy. I’d chat with some of them, but drew the line at anyone the same age or younger than my son. Nowadays they’d have to be over 30 for me to even pass the time of day! However I never wanted to meet any.

They may have been attractive, and I can’t say I mightn’t have fancied them in some way. Liked them even. But I don’t find a much younger man a turn on. It’s the same with women. I find many women attractive and sometimes have an attraction especially when described in erotic fiction. But I know I don’t want to have sex with a woman. It’s just me and I actually wish I did since it’s one of Master’s fantasies.

What about when I am old?

I’m not expecting to go looking for a man again, instead I hope to grow old with the man I have. But I guess there is a chance that when I’m 75 I might want sex with a 60 year old or something. However I wouldn’t imagine a 60 year old wanting a cougar. I guess only time will tell!

This post was my first Wicked Wednesday in 2016.

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter W
Wicked Wednesday

Used and Vanilla Family Life

I’m behind with the Blogging A-Z but determined to catch up and finish. So, I’m covering another two topics today. These are really polar opposites to each other. There are just two categories on my blog beginning with U, the other being Underwear. Vanilla Family Life is the only one beginning with V.

Used

This category denotes the times I am and have been used for Master’s pleasure. He’ll say “I need to warm myself up inside you” For example. Or will instruct me to kneel and suck his cock. Instructions and commands actually turn me on. I like to be used and to be of service to him. It puts me in to my submissive state and reaffirms that I am his slave.

Our libido has been low this past few weeks. So the times I have been used sexually have reduced. There are also days when we both have things we want or need to do. But I always know that he can decided this is the moment, at any time. Our sex usually takes place in the morning, this is the best time for him. If we have sex at night it’s usually because we’ve both had a drink or 5. At those times I really am at my most submissive, but memories tend to be hazy the next day. So, mornings are best for sexual use.

Vanilla Family Life

There have been times during the life of this blog that I have had nothing sexy or kinky I’ve wanted to talk about. Times when I’ve needed to concentrate on family more than I’d probably like. Other times there have been family events – weddings, Christmas etc, that I’ve talked about on here.

I made a decision at the beginning of the blog that I would write about anything that took my fancy. That I’d use it as a kind of journal. So that means you get a variety of information out of me. I find it useful to write about different things and then later to be able to look back and see what I had to say. No doubt this category, though not used very frequently will continue to be a feature.

Sex

A theme running through this whole blog is sex. The whole purpose of starting the blog in the first place was to catalogue my journey in both sex and submission. Back in 2012 I had only had intercourse with one man and had never experienced anal sex. I masturbated a lot, but was rarely satisfied. This seems to be something others observe when in unfulfilling relationships.

To begin with there was so much to write about, as I experienced new sensations, physically and emotionally. Later when I met Master I went through them again, and more. I tend not to write in detail about my own sex life any more. Not because there is nothing to write, but because we tend to do the same things. It’s not dull at the time, but would be if I described it. So, instead I’ve started to explore fiction. To take real events, often from my blog and turn them into stories. I plan to do more of that in the future.

Total Power Exchange (TPE) and Sex

Our relationship is classed as a power exchange. I have agreed that he should have total power over me in many areas of my life. I find this means that I have less to worry and concern myself with and that I can leave many decisions to him. When it comes to our sex life this really suits me. I am rubbish at saying what I like and want. I just want someone else to make the decisions, use me and make me to what they want. This isn’t something I knew back at the beginning of this blog. But it has certainly turned out that way.

It is in the bedroom or playroom that I am at my most submissive (as you would imagine). That is where I can leave Julie behind and just be his bitch. He is pretty creative and likes to keep a running commentary going. At the time I often think that this would make a great blog post, but then later can’t remember everything that was said. Maybe I should record it some time!

To be made to kneel and suck his cock when I’ve been thinking about other things helps me get into the right head space. I rarely say no to him. It isn’t that I am the most obedient slave but I tend to be compliant in certain circumstances. When it comes to sex and foreplay as well as the opportunity for bondage and impact play then I most definitely am.

My sex life now is completely different to how it used to be. We are old(wish) and don’t have loads of sex. But when we do it is kinky and very good. Long may it continue.

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter S
#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter T

Relationships

How apt to reach this stage right now. My relationships feature prominently on this blog and have since the beginning. A thread from the beginning was my relationship with my then husband. Over a long period of time I sought to work out how I felt about him and how to manage the fallout from my decisions. Yesterday that period of my life drew to a close. I am divorced.

Feelings about the divorce

I waited a long time for this day and feel somewhat relieved. True to form I left starting proceedings until I was sure he was ready. But of course, it was also about me. I have also taken the promises we made to each other seriously. But to be frank he really didn’t. Yes, he loved and cared for me, but there was little honour from the beginning. His lies and deceit occurred early on. I don’t regret waiting to divorce and am now free to commit myself to Master.

Our relationship

My blog traces my relationship with Master from the beginning. I mention him first on the day we met. We’d been chatting online for a few days and meeting up seemed natural. There was something there between us from that day and I have no regrets that I took that path. We’ve wondered if we might have met sooner and then could have been together for longer. But I’m not sure that would have worked. I have changed over the years and am more receptive to the type of life we have together than I might have been at say 30.

Family relationships

When I started the blog my son was 21 and away on a year abroad in the US. Having been close during his childhood things became rocky when he realised my relationship with his dad was failing. Especially when Master came on the scene. With S, I’d been secretive and (to my knowledge) he doesn’t know about that. With Master though I was open. My husband was by then spending long periods of time away from us, a visitor rather than someone who lived at home. But another man in the house was more than my son could tolerate.

Thankfully he and I have talked this through and are now close again. It was my son who told me a couple of years ago I should be getting divorced. I was amused that he seemed to have taken a parent type view of it so soon. Anyway, I am divorced and my son is happy if I decide to marry.

Back in 2014 my dad, who’d had cancer for a couple of years, died. I’ve used the blog to explore my feelings around death and dying as well as the challenges of managing my mum in the aftermath.

Blogging / community relationships

It is debatable whether this is a good place to write about relationships with other bloggers as I have done recently. But it is in my nature to do so. This is my place to write and I tend to write about what is on my mind. Often that is about my sexual or kink related feelings, but sometimes not. It’s difficult to feel sexy when you are surrounded by anger and hurt. My words have upset people and I’ve lost people I thought were friends.

But many of the people I’ve come to admire and to like in the sex blogging community aren’t really known to me. We can all discard people we have never or barely met in person. However some of the people who are part of this community are people I have met and know well. I feel a sense of loyalty to those people and don’t have to justify why I trust them. However I do hope bridges can be rebuilt in the future. If they are, I’ll be sure to write about it here.

Psychology

I have 3 general categories for posts that are about me and how I tick, or a specifically about the more internal aspects of our dynamic. The psychology of me, of D/s and M/s. Posts in the D/s category are mainly from my time with Steve and the first few months with Master. Usually those posts are also labelled more specific to their topic. Over the years these categories have been useful when I’ve written things that seem random.

This blog has been a great place for me to write what I think and feel at a given time. I don’t keep a separate diary or journal and the only notes are make are planning ones. Often I don’t know what I’m going to write about until I sit down and do it. Sometimes I start off with a plan for one topic and it leads to something else. That’s the way my mind seems to work.

There’s no doubt that a power exchange dynamic produces thoughts and feelings that are strange. Why do I want to be dominated? Why am I willing to submit? How on earth did he manage to make me orgasm when I was sure I wouldn’t? Just a few of the questions I’ve asked myself and explored on this blog.

Over the past 8 years (my blogaversary is tomorrow) I’ve written over 1800 posts. This was the first one. Back then I knew virtually nothing about submission and dominance and less about BDSM and kink. But I was ready to learn and keep to please. This blog has been the perfect receptacle for my thoughts, many of them random.

By looking back over time, I can see how I’ve changed as a person and how much I’ve learned. But also that there is more learning to be done. More delving into my own psyche. Wondering about the psychology of me and my relationships.

Stuff has happened this last week that has rocked me. I’ve never been so affected by something that really didn’t concern me. I’ve lost friends over this issue. That’s something I’m sad about and will write about soon. Indeed I’m no longer sure which memes I can and should write about. Or where I’m welcome. Only time will tell.

P

An Opinion on recent events in the Sex Blogging world

O

#SoSS Shitstorm special – Looking at the wider issues.

20/4/20 – I reserve the right to publish or not comments on my blog. I also reserve the right to reply or not.

We are living in strange times. People’s anxiety is at record levels, and that includes those who don’t usually describe themselves as anxious. Myself included. So, it isn’t surprising that everyone is on edge. That small things seem huge and bigger things an absolute mountain. Things have been rocky for a while in and around the sex blogging community. Different groups and allegiances have built up over time, that is understandable. People naturally gravitate towards people they identify with. They read and comment on other people’s work and often don’t if the material doesn’t appeal. That’s fine, as they say your kink isn’t necessarily my kink but your kink is fine. Trouble is this isn’t just about kink. It’s about people’s identity, the way they see and feel themselves and want others to do so too.

I have no understanding of how it is to not identify with the gender I was assigned at birth. I am lucky enough to feel happy in my body and to know that others see me in the same way. It doesn’t matter if you refer to me as she or them. Though I do care if you shout ‘oi you’ at me. But this does matter to others and if someone tells you they would like you to refer to them in a specific way, then you damn well should respect that.

Working out I was married to the wrong man, that I needed a different kind of sex and that I was submissive was challenging. Having found kink and sex positive blogs, I naturally gravitated towards those I identified with. Many of those bloggers are similar to me but others are not. However I am really interested in people, who they are, what makes them tick. Difference is good and interesting. Some of those people identify as gay, trans, non binary or in other ways. I try to respect everyone’s individual identity, needs and choices and to do it in a nice way. What I wouldn’t do is to write a blog post making fun of those needs and choices. As I said the other day, I hate confrontation. This week has been like a month from hell on that front. Especially on Twitter.

Twitter

It’s a great place to go and chat and promote stuff. I read more blogs through links on twitter than I do from follower emails. But it is a place of constant frustration. There is drama of the highest order and you can’t always work out when someone is in need or if they are attention seeking. Twitter is a place of cliques, something that is often discussed. You never know if it’s ok to join in conversations. As someone who hates confrontation I try not to engage in drama, but I do chip in especially if I know people.

Recently the Sex blogging Twitter has increasingly been used to put across a point of view. To highlight behaviours that they find hurtful, and disrespectful. Most recently this has been about misgendering people and not being willing to learn about the lives of others. It is also about people’s unwillingness to apologise for causing offence or damage. Saying sorry and then doing the same thing over and over. @MxNillin and Quinn have rightly done this.

Not liking confrontation I wouldn’t usually name and shame people on Twitter, but I understand why they and others have. Trouble is the fall out is wide. People take sides and they hurl abuse at others. Including but not exclusively those delivering the initial messages. In the end, you either lock your account (as some have done), withdraw or throw yourself in the ring. Guess which one I did?

This was because Molly and Michael were being trolled by someone I hadn’t encountered before. Part of this was some kind of personal vendetta to poison their reputation. The other encouraging people to seek legal advice because of the cancellation of Eroticon.

Eroticon fallout

It is my view that some of the unpleasantness falling out of this week’s ‘situation’ is the cancellation of Eroticon.

Full disclosure. At the time of the cancellation I was annoyed. We had rebooked our hotel and couldn’t get a refund and I was looking forward to a weekend in London. The full enormity of Covid was only just emerging and unlike Molly I hadn’t spent the week reading up on it. I was particularly unpleasant to Molly in a twitter DM conversation. I believed she should have turned up to meet with those who were there. Others thought that too. Putting myself up as the fall guy I ranted at Molly and then Michael about this. I was drunk at the time so it was a stupid thing to do. I was also wrong.

Eroticon was cancelled because it would have put people at risk. Indeed those of us who met up put each other at risk, though we didn’t know it. On the Monday we visited an art exhibition and went to a concert. By the next day both of those venues had closed and a week later most shops and businesses had closed too. We were in lockdown.

Thankfully Molly bears no grudge about my drunk behaviour. We are still friends and I will defend her and Michael over and above anyone I only know on my blog or twitter. Because I know them in person, like and respect them. In terms of legal advice. This seems like a waste of time. I am still waiting for a refund on an air journey that didn’t take place. We’ve also lost money on a ferry booking for the summer. Even if they had been insured, no policy is paying out on a pandemic.

Blog commenting and memes

When people comment on blogs it’s usually supportive. Often when someone doesn’t have anything to say, they like it. I asked a question on this month’s Smutlancer Q&A about why people don’t seem to comment so much.

In February Inigo More published the post that caused most of the outcry this week. It made fun of gender identity and the right to be gendered correctly. Those who supported the post are the ones who have been called out by MxNillin. Others commented that they did not like or agree with the contents and this people have been shunned by the former.

I didn’t realise but regular contributors to memes such as Sinful Sunday and Masturbation Monday stopped doing so. This was as a direct result of both Molly and Kayla calling out those supporting the post. To me this seems petty. As far as I am concerned I will continue to write for the memes I want and which speak to me.

I don’t think any of the people who commented on that post are bad people, whether I agreed with their point of view or not. However what apologies have been offered for hurt caused don’t appear to have been heart felt. Nor have there been signs that most wish to learn. Worst of all, Inigo seems to be revelling in his fame. He is not on twitter, has not apologised to anyone and continues to comment on the post. I don’t bear grudges but I am minded to think that he is happy to have started the bonfire and fanned the flames that caused the explosion of the sex blogging community.

Smut Marathon feedback

I admire Marie for starting and running the Smut Marathon and doing so with such efficiency. I took part myself a couple of years ago and know that it helped improve my writing. Judges tend to be fellow bloggers which seems appropriate and anyone can vote and comment. There are some flaws however. The judges are not representative of the whole community. To my knowledge none of the judges is anything but cis, white or pretty middle classed. However I don’t have any problem with the comments made by this year’s judges. They seem thoughtful and measured.

The comments from the wider reading public are unmoderated. This seems wrong and is a flaw. It’s clear from the way that people comment on each others blogs that they have no experience of constructive criticism. They tend to be nice, supportive. But the Smut Marathon is different. If you can only vote for 5 out of 70 stories you will have to decide which you like best. That’s fine. But if you then comment on which and why you like certain ones it’s a good idea to be constructive.

Sadly one set of comments showed a clear misunderstanding of the task. Not only did that person cause massive offence to the transgender writer of one story as highlighted here. But also left unpleasant feedback to at least 3/4 of the other writers. Something that I noticed at the time but hasn’t been mentioned by anyone. One of the reasons I have decided not to participate again is because of the way feedback affected me. I found it unpleasant and bruising.

Commenting on the work of others is important. But needs to be well structured and constructive. Those wishing to do so would be wise to look at this article (or others) about sandwich and other feedback models. Or contact others in the community who know how to do it. For example Charlie.

Final thoughts

This post has been long and a bit of a ramble. These are the wider issues that I think have contributed to events this week. I think it’s important to recognise that while those most hurt by events are those who have been misgendered and abused for their trouble. But also to acknowledge that actions have implications. We are all entitled to our opinion, but in sharing that in a public place you can’t expect to get away with those that clearly discriminate. If offence is caused, apologise. Do so unreservedly and acknowledge your mistakes. Make that apology clear and then go away and learn not to do it again. Don’t be like the gutter press and publish the apology on page 20 when the original made front page news.

Finally please don’t abuse people by DM. Even if someone says and does something you find abhorrent remember they are human. Their lives might not be as you imagine. The privilege you assume may not be the case. That doesn’t excuse their behaviours but neither does it mean you should retaliate with threats. If necessary walk away.

Links to other sex blogging folks talking about this topic (Let me know of more to be added).

Violet Fawkes – Scorched Earth

Deviant Succubus – Some thoughts

Isabel Lauren – Not speaking up against hurtful behaviour is not an option

Nipple (singular)

Blogging A-Z - N

I hadn’t expected that the only two categories beginning with N would involve the word nipple(s). But since that’s what it is, I feel compelled to write about it.

Things in the nipple department feel a lot different now I only have the one. I’m not in love with my remaining boob in the way I was when I had two. My nipple is still pierced and I have new jewellery. But I am tardy with changing it. I have no problems in looking at my body, and do so every day. However I don’t really look at my remaining boob, much less the nipple. I do still self examine, but not as much as I did. I’m on oestrogen inhibitors so I am not expecting anything to appear. Plus I’m sure I’d recognise the signs. No, I always look at my scars, at the way the skin changes colour around them. How well they are healed. The fact you can still see where I had radiotherapy.

Master approaches things from the opposite direction

He still finds my tit and nipple attractive and bought me the new jewellery He loves to touch, squeeze and suck. I love it too, while it’s happening. I do still get off through nipple play. But not as much as before. I’m pretty sure it’s psychological. Something about the breast cancer and mastectomy I’m kind of blocking out. The photos on my blog of me topless since my mastectomy are taken to show I’m happy to be seen. That I’m not ashamed of my body and I’m not. But I struggle to be proud of what remains, and that seems a shame. Maybe I’m too hard on myself.

A new boob

The surgery to get a new boob is huge. I’ve been lucky to make a friend through this blog who has advised me on the reality. Teri contacted me through the blog and I was lucky enough to meet her during Eroticon weekend (even though the event was cancelled we were both in London). The operation is extensive, the recovery long and potential side effects serious. But the time we met, Teri was about 6 months post op. She could finally say she was pleased with it her new boob and the fact she can now go braless. That is a key thing for me too. Right now I don’t feel happy braless. It just feels weird.

Surgery involves taking some of your tummy fat and putting it under the flap that is left of the breast. There isn’t quite enough flesh so people end up with a patch. what you don’t get at this point is a nipple. This is fashioned later and then the area is tattooed. From photos I have seen, the effect looks fabulous. If and when it’s ever done and completed I’m sure my tits will look great again. Especially as one of the things they’ll do is to perk the other one up a bit (middle aged sag etc).

But a painted nipple isn’t really a nipple at all. No baby could be fed from it and there won’t be any feeling in it. This is the hard cold reality. Looks good but feels of nothing. Much like the right side of my chest right now, numb.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful to be cured. Grateful too that these opportunities are available and that I don’t need to pay for them. But that doesn’t take away the sense of loss.

Who knows when?

The current pandemic has thrown routine surgery into the long grass. People requiring mastectomy are currently not offered immediate reconstruction. Those of us whose hospital / surgeons don’t offer that option can’t even get onto a waiting list. But the time this is over they will be months and months behind.

In a way this offers me the opportunity to get my head into an even better place. To decide for sure if I want it done. But also to try to get more enjoyment from the breast and nipple I have. Maybe, during the summer if the weather is right, go braless. In fact I think it’s something I’ll set myself a goal of doing. I don’t love my nipple any more, but I’m going to see if I can’t like it again.