Looking back at 2018

This year, more than most I can remember has been a time of immense highs and unbelievable lows. It has also been one of great change. For so long I talked about making those changes and there were many times that I thought they would never happen. This blogging year has also been one of highs and lows, a year where my writing has developed and grown but also one when I almost lost my blog. There is so much to write about this year and so many people to thank and mention so here goes.

January

The year started in a bit of a whirlwind as I supervised the packing and moving for my mum. There was over 30 years worth of stuff in her large 3 bedroom house. The concept of downsizing was completely alien to her and consequently this was a stressful time for me and my brothers. She tended to sit watching it happen, then complain when we threw things out she later said she wanted. On moving day, she took more furniture than it was physically possible to put into her bungalow. So more pain followed.

In the midst of all of that, it was difficult to find time to blog or be particularly sexy. As is often the case the memes (Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday, Kink of the week and SoSS kept me going). This year I have learned that writing about something is better than not writing at all. This month too, I joined the Smut Marathon (more of that later).

February

This post pretty much highlights that sex and kink was a bit lacking in our lives at the beginning of the year. Not entirely surprising given the whirlwind of January. At that time we were also planning for me to move in with him and had begun to get the house ready. Once again meme’s kept the blog going including TMI Tuesday, Food for Thought Friday and Art Twist. Indie and I have discussed bringing the latter back to life and maybe we will do that in 2019. I only recently realised that Kilted Wookie runs F4TF and it took a while to realise also that we had all week to write a post based on the prompt. Sometimes I am pretty slow on the uptake!

At the end of the month, while away for a weekend I managed to delete my blog! I still shudder when I think about how it happened and the work required to put it back together. Thankfully Dom Signs was there to help, I am so grateful to him. The full horror story is here. 

March

This photo was taken hours before my blog went down and so didn’t appear until 3 March. It brings back the better memories of that weekend. In this post I write some more about the blog, but also for the first time about participating in the smut marathon as well as sex and coffee (all important things).

Our sex and kink life was at last on the up. In this Masturbation Monday post I describe some impulsive kinky sex and later in the month our first public play event. I haven’t contributed to Masturbation Monday as much as I would have liked to this year. Mainly because my sex blogging libido has been a little off kilter. But I did have the pleasure of meeting Kayla Lords and her husband John Brownstone at Eroticon. I followed John’s blog first and clearly remember the run up to Kayla moving to be with him which was so exciting. Together they have become quite a force to be reckoned with in the blogging (and podcasting) community.

Eroticon was a wonderful weekend of fun and laughter, plus some amazing sessions at the conference. Apart from Kayla and John we met so many other bloggers and writers that were previously words and pictures on a screen. Marie and Master T, May More, Posy, Eye, Cousin Pons to name but a few. I wrote about it here.

April

Once again I joined in with the Blogging A-Z challenge. Although there are 31 posts for April, which is getting on for a record I still had to combine some of the A-Z daily posts. Keeping with a mainly kink theme, the posts can be found here.

For the Wicked Wednesday post on Driving Lessons, I wrote about my rather unpleasant driving instructor. I guess this is my Me too incident; thankfully mild, though as you could tell it has stayed with me.

In April we travelled to Seville for the Feria celebrations and had a wonderful week of rest and recuperation. Seville is one of those places that we have pretty much seen and done but return to. The relaxed lifestyle, long lunches, dinners in several parts suits us.

May

By May, preparations for my move were in full swing. Our weekends were filled with decluttering, house maintenance and beginning to pack. However we did manage to find time for some fun and games. It had been a while since Master bought his girl a tail, but I hadn’t really had the chance to wear it. Until now.

The Smut Marathon moved onto round 5 and to my surprise I was still in the competition. As I mention in my post about round 4, my editing skills were coming under pressure. I tended to write pieces that were much longer than needed, sometimes 4 times as long. Since being out of the competition I have started to try to write stories that are already short and so need less editing. The Smut Marathon was a wonderful competition and I am grateful to Rebel for all her hard work in making it the success it was and will be again.

June

Hy from A Dissolute Life Means challenged herself and others to Post Every Damn Day in June. I got off to a good start even though at the time I was on holiday in Slovenia. Much of the country is under developed, with beautiful lakes, hills and mountains to explore. A great opportunity for some natural photo opportunities. While away I participated for the first time in Hyacinth’s regular meme: Boobday. I look at my contribution with some sadness as this is the boob I no longer have. The cancer was already growing inside me, though I didn’t know it. I do hope to participate again soon, but more of that in the post I am going to write about the coming year.

There was one final trip away (for a weekend) before the end of June, providing a great Sinful Sunday opportunity. After that, life was crazy as we prepared for my move.

July

The weather was wonderfully hot. A proper English heatwave. Probably not what you need when you are spending much of your life packing boxes. On one of the last weekends spent before the move, we frolicked in the garden. Not only did I run around naked but we also had anal sex out there. My anxiety about the neighbours seeing anything dissipated under the influence of a bottle or two of wine.

The rest of July is a mad blur. I didn’t post anything of substance until 26th. After the antics in the garden I developed a urinary infection (perhaps the two are linked) and needed antibiotics. Then as soon as I was recovered I moved house. I wrote about it all here. To be honest, I was pretty glad to see the back of July.

August

August was about finishing up at work. Luckily, with many people away on holiday the roads and railways were quiet, though London was as usual busy. There were few meetings so I was able to declutter my work environment in a reasonably calm way. I had a wonderful send off from colleagues and left on 31st. I also started to reorganise my blog a little, ending one journey page and starting another.

As we gradually settled into our life together we began to rekindle our kinky sides and also had some fun.

September

During my first week of freedom from work we travelled to France. I was to put it mildly, exhausted. A short weekend break extended to almost a week and the fact we could do that was the most liberating thing.

All through August I was waiting for the inevitable. I revealed at my mammogram early in the month that I had found a lump in my breast and knew I would be recalled. The first date I was given was for 31st August, but as this was my final day at work I asked for a later appointment. So on 11th September Master and I spent the entire afternoon at a one stop breast clinic. We came away already knowing that cancer was suspected, but had to wait a week for confirmation. The following day I travelled to Cyprus with my mum with a massive plaster on my boob. Over the coming days a huge bruise formed.

Cyprus was beautiful though. Hot sunny days and warm evenings. Even my mum and my attempts to hide my bruising didn’t spoil it. But I really did miss Master and wrote about my longing for him here.

On my return I received the news that we had been both expecting and dreading. I had breast cancer.

October

I think we saw the inside of more hospital wards and departments than I experienced in the first 3 months of my nursing career. Master was beside me the whole way and has been my rock and guiding light ever since the first appointment. Our hopes of a lumpectomy were dashed as the tumour was too large. So on 15th I had a mastectomy.

Many blog and twitter friends and followers have congratulated me on my positivity in coping with the surgery and aftermath. While I wanted to catalogue my journey and will continue to do so, I didn’t seek to make it seem easy. The operation was straightforward, but the recovery painful and frustration. I wasn’t the best patient, I don’t think nurses usually are. But I was determined not to succumb to self pity and so I guess that is why it came across that way. I started a series of regular posts about my recovery which will continue for as long as necessary.

November

I felt ready on 11th November to give Sinful Sunday followers a glimpse of my new body. I always knew that I was part of a body positive group of people but have been overwhelmed by the support. None more so than from Molly and that is why I chose Sinful Sunday for this post. Being able to go to the munch that Molly and Signs run and speak openly to others including Sub Bee has really helped. I am looking forward to getting together with Molly in the new year so she can photograph me lots more.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on here, sent me emails and messages on twitter. I know too that Master has found the support from this community to be a really positive thing.

December

A month of end of year lists and reviews, and I find myself on so many. After everything that has happened this year, I am overwhelmed. Looking back over my blog, I can see that it has been a good year for my writing.

Thank you to those who nominated me for the Kinkly and Chaturbate top sex blog lists. Thank you to May More for the wonderful messages of support and for including me on her Top of the Blogs list. To Floss, who named me as one of her top 20 Lovelies. To Kilted Wookie for putting me on the Naughty List, to Master Venture for including me on his list of people worth following and to Marie Rebelle for including me on her Top 20 of ’18. I am incredibly honoured to have been recognised by so many of the wonderful people I admire in this community.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog this year and to those who have commented and supported me. Here’s to 2019 – more of that to come.

Blogging A-Z 2018: Y and Z

So, I limp to the finish line with my final offering for the April Blogging A-Z for 2018. It seemed like a great idea to write about random topics . But this has led me to spend far too much time navel gazing and being unfocussed. I’ll bear that in mind next year, since it is rather fun to do the challenge.

Y is for you

You the people who visit my blog and comment. You, Master who reads every word I write. You the people whose blogs I visit and comment on.  You, the people who run and manage the memes I participate in. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am enjoying writing again after a year when I could have easily stopped.  This year, I intend to continue writing in May and beyond, unlike last year. I feel that I am part of a community of bloggers and writers who in the main are friendly and encouraging. But there is drama from time to time and I plan, where possible to avoid that.

Z is for Zabaglione and Zealous

Z is the 26th and final letter in the alphabet. There aren’t masses of words beginning with Z, which is one of the reasons this post wasn’t ready to go this morning and I am writing it now. But there are some interesting words for example – Zabaglione  – a lovely Italian desert. There was a restaurant nearby when I was a student that served it. Whisked egg white and some kind of alcohol mainly. I chose zabaglione for desert in Sicily and it turned up as an ice-cream. While nice, that wasn’t what I had hoped for.

Zealous, which means inspired,  enthusiastic or purposeful. I started this month in a zealous way but now, 29 days later I have little more to add. I have exhausted my zeal if you would. So, I’ll end on that note and get back to writing smut and the like!

 

Blogging A-Z 2018: W

On 21st April it was 5 years since I started writing this blog. It began on Blogger as World of Joolz then became MPB still on Blogger and now here in my own space.

W is for writing

21 days into a new and very illicit relationship, I started my blog. Looking back to those first few posts it is clear I had no idea what I was potentially getting into. Or even what I wanted. Nor did I understand what a D/s relationship really was, let alone anything about BDSM. But it turned out to be the right path, I followed my instincts and little else. Then I was on a journey into the unknown, but it was exciting and thrilling.

In the past 5 years, I have written around 880 posts. I may have lost one or two in my disastrous hosting move in February, but only that.

There have been times when writing has been my saviour. Times when my blog was the only place I could express myself. When my husband discovered (or was told) about the affair, when S unceremoniously dumped me, when I almost got myself hooked up with some weirdo.

There have been times when I have wished I had been less honest about my thoughts and feelings. For example when Master’s former slave started to read my blog and did her best to make me feel I was going mad. But equally Master has used my words to begin conversations about how I am feeling about a situation. Times when we have discussed situations that would have been difficult without the blog.

Today, I am at another crossroads in my life. One where I am thinking about having more time to do more interesting things with Master. But one too where there will be more time for writing.

 

Blogging A-Z 2018 V

I am behind again, V should have been yesterday. So tomorrow, when I have more time, I’ll catch up properly.

Voting

In just a week we have to vote in the local council elections. But since this isn’t a politics blog and making it into one would be a mistake I am going to talk about a different vote. Submissions for the 4th round of the Smut marathon are due in by Saturday and voting starts again on Sunday.

I began my entry for this round about 10 days ago and edited it right down the following day. But I only just submitted tonight. After the voting round last time I feel a bit nervous about my chances. In the second round I received quite a bit of criticism about my entry,  in terms of grammar and content. But I was surprised to find myself climb the rankings in the vote. Then in round 3 I received lots of positive reviews. People though, said they needed more votes than the 3 allowed to be able to vote for me. And so it was that I received no jury votes and probably just my own vote for myself from the public.

I think though the important thing is for more people to join in with the comments and vote. Because the more people that contribute, then the greater meaning the whole thing has.

This latest assignment was tricky, since I was in new territory. But actually I enjoyed it more than the others. So, I am hopeful I will receive some constructive feedback and at least a few votes. Whatever, the main thing is that when you get the chance, you should vote. This time too, I am going to make time to comment on everyone else entry too.

Good luck everyone.

Blogging A-Z 2018: T and U

First day back from holiday and suddenly yesterday I had lost my blogging mojo. The discovery that I am shadow banned on Twitter just added to my apathy.

Twitter

Somehow over the past couple of years I have become more and more engaged with Twitter as a social media platform. I find myself going there when I wake and again many times during the day. My posts auto tweet and during the day a couple of older posts appear. Some days I tweet quite a bit, engaging with others and other times not.

I have no way of knowing whether this behaviour alone has led to Twitter taking against me or if it is the photos. After all, the photo below, which appeared as part of my post on Sunday is pretty graphic. But since Twitter don’t admit shadow banning is even a thing, all I can do is surmise. Still it will make my SoSS all the more pertinent this week.

Undertake

Finally I am in a position to realise my objectives. At last, after more than 4 years of talking about selling my house and moving on from my marriage it is in touching distance.

Now, the hard work must be undertaken. What to throw away, what to put into storage, what to take with me. Master has cleared out a lot of clutter, but there is still work to be done. Also, he is planning some building work, so I can’t take all of my belongings straight there. Plus there is the emotional attachment I have to this house, I have lived here for 27 years. We moved here when my son was a baby of just 5 months and so there are lots of memories here.

But now is the time to move on and to create a new home, one with Master. We will both need to adapt to our new life and to make room for each other. But it will mean we can be together and can start to plan some new plans and work on those outcomes. It also means I am going to resign my job soon and take a breather. The next few months will be emotional, but interesting and fun too.

Blogging A-Z 2018: SoSS

Today is Saturday and today’s letter is S, so it must be Share our Shit Saturday (SoSS). Most mornings this week we have had a slow, leisurely start to the day. This has given me time to blog and read blogs, engage with Twitter and even Facebook.

Favorite blog post of the week

Molly Moore wrote about her life as a voyeur and how she discovered just how much watching others turns her on. She related this to her experience with a former lover and then to the polyamorous relationship that she is now part of with her husband Michael and Cara who more recently came into their life. I was privileged to meet Cara when she was in the UK recently and can understand why Michael fell for her. That Molly has been able to welcome Cara into her life and Cara has made Michael so happy is wonderful.  But more than that, Molly explains how excited she is to share Michael with Cara.

I am actually quite in awe of their situation. When my relationship with Master started, I was the third person. His then slave was planning to join him here, but was still living in the US. She was almost immediately jealous of me and tried hard to undermine me. The result was that their relationship ended. So I didn’t get the chance to know whether I would have been turned on while they had sex. We have spoken about introducing another woman for play purposes, but it hasn’t happened. It is something I am curious about, but don’t know if I would be as accepting as Molly. The idea of kissing Master while someone else sucks his cock is quite a turn on though.

Scarlett Ladies – Blog post by The Other Livvy

I wasn’t aware of Scarlett Ladies until I read this post by Livvy. It is a sex positive network of women in London that includes events and meetings to attend as well as newsletters etc. They have a wonderful website, that I need to take a closer look at. Livvy’s blog post is an update on one she wrote soon after her marriage last year. Its about her decision to take her husband’s surname and whether this makes her less of a feminist.

When I got married in 1984 I never considered whether changing my name was a good or bad thing to do, I just did it. Only later, I found that a number of my nursing colleagues used both their maiden and married names. One for work and the other for home and family. This approach seems practical and sensible when it’s desirable to keep the two separate.

I have never thought of this as a feminist issue though, but rather as what is practical. Certainly friends who either weren’t married or else kept their maiden names encountered difficulties when their children went to school. The schools (at the time) struggled with knowing what to call a mother with a different name from their child. The children themselves of course, asked questions, so all having the same name is easy. Plus having a child with a different name at airport security can take a little extra time.

But none of this is important. What matters is doing what is right for you and for the right reasons. Livvy seems to have thought through her options and decided what she wants. This doesn’t make her less of a feminist, but demonstrates she is a woman who knows herself, her needs. She is also considering her husband and future family and that deserves respect.

Blogging A-Z 2018: R

Rest and Recuperation

After a long winter of cold and wet weather plus very little sun it is amazing to emerge and unwind in such a beautiful place as this. Strangely, the weather at home is also suddenly good. But given a choice for down time, I’d rather be here than there.

The past few months have been busy. My mum’s house move was both stressful and tiring and since then I have had little time to myself. Even France at Easter was busy as it was more of a working weekend than one of rest. This week though has been entirely different.

Although we have done lots of walking – over 20k steps each of the last two days – we have done it at a leisurely pace. Often when we are away, we stay in hotels and move around from place to place. This time though we have rented an apartment and stayed in one place. This is our third trip to this city, but we haven’t tired of it. We have continued to find new places to see. restaurants and bars to try and things to do.

We haven’t packed the days in a busy tourist way, but have strolled. loitered and watched the world go by. This has been an amazing time of rest and recuperation. It reminds me that I want to work less and travel more, something I hope will be able to happen soon.

 

 

Blogging A-Z 2018: Q

What a difficult letter Q is to find interesting words for. Unless that is you are in  Spain with someone who speaks Spanish.

Q is for Querer (To love in Spanish)

I am no linguist, but luckily he is. Listening to Master converse with the locals or the taxi driver as he did when we arrived on Monday is a sound to behold.  I have learned that during those first few hours and days of speaking a language again after a break he covers up by gesticulating and laughing. People are happy to help him refine the words he is struggling with, because he tries so hard and so few people try to speak the language. I love that he is able to do so and know he enjoys that he makes himself understood. I love also that speaking a language rekindles his love for the literature and culture of that country.

Master has brought me to this part of Spain 3 times now and I love the sunny days, the relaxed way of life, the friendly people. I also love that you can start the day late, but because they eat lunch and then dinner later than we do at home, you can easily catch up. The culture of the area is amazing, testimony to the history, often troubled that brought the people to this place in time.

We enjoy travelling to new places and always he tries to speak the language. I have to be satisfied with simple words. Such as please, thank you, the bill or glass of wine or beer. However I am trying to broaden my horizons and know more words. This is easier for me in France as I do have a reasonable knowledge of the vocabulary. Spanish though is something different, I didn’t learn it at school, unlike French. It is also easy to just let him lead.

But he is also happy to try Italian and German. He is also able to speak Dutch from having lived in Amsterdam a few years back. It would be lovely if I could speak more foreign languages myself. But since I can’t I am lucky that he loves language and loves Spain. And I love him.

 

 

Blogging A-Z 2018: P

P is for Poise

As I mentioned yesterday, we are currently on holiday in Seville, Spain. During the afternoon we walked down to the fairground area where the Feria is being held. Our host told us walking was the best option, and to just follow the people. As we left the restaurant where we had enjoyed lunch we followed a young couple. She dressed in her flamenco dress, he in a light coloured suit. Within 5 or 10 minutes we were following a dozen couples, or women walking together. Then as we approached the gateway to the fair, a mass of people surrounded us. Some, like us weren’t dressed up but most were.

We stopped to cross the road to enter the Feria and had to wait as numerous horse drawn carriages passed. Each taking groups of friends or families to the fair. Accompanying them were men and women on horses. The women riders caught my attention as they were riding side saddle. This is something I have only seen on tv – our royal family and period dramas.

I was struck by the poise and the elegance of these women. Sitting straight backed, and looking cool and collected despite the heat of the Spanish sun. I was in awe of this sight, even more than the beauty of those dressed in their frilly gowns.

Blogging A-Z 2018: O

We are currently on holiday in Spain and so the next few days posts will have a relaxed, holiday type feel to them. Situated in Seville, where the Feria is currently taking place. We have already seen the girls and women in their flamenco finery. The men in suits and the horsemen in their sombreros. I’m hoping that I can be creative with this week’s letters to suit.

O is for offered

Since I haven’t yet created the material for those posts, today’s is about what is offered to Master.

During the usual day to day life we lead, it is easy to forget who I am to him. Rushing about being the manager at work, or the daughter to my mum, takes its toll. But there are quiet times when we are alone and I am reminded. Times when I remember to offer myself to him. Generally when my body is offered, he takes it. The photo below demonstrates the offer and Sunday’s Sinful Sunday will show what was taken. Come back Sunday (when we will be travelling home) to see.