First day back from holiday and suddenly yesterday I had lost my blogging mojo. The discovery that I am shadow banned on Twitter just added to my apathy.
Somehow over the past couple of years I have become more and more engaged with Twitter as a social media platform. I find myself going there when I wake and again many times during the day. My posts auto tweet and during the day a couple of older posts appear. Some days I tweet quite a bit, engaging with others and other times not.
I have no way of knowing whether this behaviour alone has led to Twitter taking against me or if it is the photos. After all, the photo below, which appeared as part of my post on Sunday is pretty graphic. But since Twitter don’t admit shadow banning is even a thing, all I can do is surmise. Still it will make my SoSS all the more pertinent this week.
Finally I am in a position to realise my objectives. At last, after more than 4 years of talking about selling my house and moving on from my marriage it is in touching distance.
Now, the hard work must be undertaken. What to throw away, what to put into storage, what to take with me. Master has cleared out a lot of clutter, but there is still work to be done. Also, he is planning some building work, so I can’t take all of my belongings straight there. Plus there is the emotional attachment I have to this house, I have lived here for 27 years. We moved here when my son was a baby of just 5 months and so there are lots of memories here.
But now is the time to move on and to create a new home, one with Master. We will both need to adapt to our new life and to make room for each other. But it will mean we can be together and can start to plan some new plans and work on those outcomes. It also means I am going to resign my job soon and take a breather. The next few months will be emotional, but interesting and fun too.
Today is Saturday and today’s letter is S, so it must be Share our Shit Saturday (SoSS). Most mornings this week we have had a slow, leisurely start to the day. This has given me time to blog and read blogs, engage with Twitter and even Facebook.
Favorite blog post of the week
Molly Moore wrote about her life as a voyeur and how she discovered just how much watching others turns her on. She related this to her experience with a former lover and then to the polyamorous relationship that she is now part of with her husband Michael and Cara who more recently came into their life. I was privileged to meet Cara when she was in the UK recently and can understand why Michael fell for her. That Molly has been able to welcome Cara into her life and Cara has made Michael so happy is wonderful. But more than that, Molly explains how excited she is to share Michael with Cara.
I am actually quite in awe of their situation. When my relationship with Master started, I was the third person. His then slave was planning to join him here, but was still living in the US. She was almost immediately jealous of me and tried hard to undermine me. The result was that their relationship ended. So I didn’t get the chance to know whether I would have been turned on while they had sex. We have spoken about introducing another woman for play purposes, but it hasn’t happened. It is something I am curious about, but don’t know if I would be as accepting as Molly. The idea of kissing Master while someone else sucks his cock is quite a turn on though.
Scarlett Ladies – Blog post by The Other Livvy
I wasn’t aware of Scarlett Ladies until I read this post by Livvy. It is a sex positive network of women in London that includes events and meetings to attend as well as newsletters etc. They have a wonderful website, that I need to take a closer look at. Livvy’s blog post is an update on one she wrote soon after her marriage last year. Its about her decision to take her husband’s surname and whether this makes her less of a feminist.
When I got married in 1984 I never considered whether changing my name was a good or bad thing to do, I just did it. Only later, I found that a number of my nursing colleagues used both their maiden and married names. One for work and the other for home and family. This approach seems practical and sensible when it’s desirable to keep the two separate.
I have never thought of this as a feminist issue though, but rather as what is practical. Certainly friends who either weren’t married or else kept their maiden names encountered difficulties when their children went to school. The schools (at the time) struggled with knowing what to call a mother with a different name from their child. The children themselves of course, asked questions, so all having the same name is easy. Plus having a child with a different name at airport security can take a little extra time.
But none of this is important. What matters is doing what is right for you and for the right reasons. Livvy seems to have thought through her options and decided what she wants. This doesn’t make her less of a feminist, but demonstrates she is a woman who knows herself, her needs. She is also considering her husband and future family and that deserves respect.
Rest and Recuperation
After a long winter of cold and wet weather plus very little sun it is amazing to emerge and unwind in such a beautiful place as this. Strangely, the weather at home is also suddenly good. But given a choice for down time, I’d rather be here than there.
The past few months have been busy. My mum’s house move was both stressful and tiring and since then I have had little time to myself. Even France at Easter was busy as it was more of a working weekend than one of rest. This week though has been entirely different.
Although we have done lots of walking – over 20k steps each of the last two days – we have done it at a leisurely pace. Often when we are away, we stay in hotels and move around from place to place. This time though we have rented an apartment and stayed in one place. This is our third trip to this city, but we haven’t tired of it. We have continued to find new places to see. restaurants and bars to try and things to do.
We haven’t packed the days in a busy tourist way, but have strolled. loitered and watched the world go by. This has been an amazing time of rest and recuperation. It reminds me that I want to work less and travel more, something I hope will be able to happen soon.
What a difficult letter Q is to find interesting words for. Unless that is you are in Spain with someone who speaks Spanish.
Q is for Querer (To love in Spanish)
I am no linguist, but luckily he is. Listening to Master converse with the locals or the taxi driver as he did when we arrived on Monday is a sound to behold. I have learned that during those first few hours and days of speaking a language again after a break he covers up by gesticulating and laughing. People are happy to help him refine the words he is struggling with, because he tries so hard and so few people try to speak the language. I love that he is able to do so and know he enjoys that he makes himself understood. I love also that speaking a language rekindles his love for the literature and culture of that country.
Master has brought me to this part of Spain 3 times now and I love the sunny days, the relaxed way of life, the friendly people. I also love that you can start the day late, but because they eat lunch and then dinner later than we do at home, you can easily catch up. The culture of the area is amazing, testimony to the history, often troubled that brought the people to this place in time.
We enjoy travelling to new places and always he tries to speak the language. I have to be satisfied with simple words. Such as please, thank you, the bill or glass of wine or beer. However I am trying to broaden my horizons and know more words. This is easier for me in France as I do have a reasonable knowledge of the vocabulary. Spanish though is something different, I didn’t learn it at school, unlike French. It is also easy to just let him lead.
But he is also happy to try Italian and German. He is also able to speak Dutch from having lived in Amsterdam a few years back. It would be lovely if I could speak more foreign languages myself. But since I can’t I am lucky that he loves language and loves Spain. And I love him.
P is for Poise
As I mentioned yesterday, we are currently on holiday in Seville, Spain. During the afternoon we walked down to the fairground area where the Feria is being held. Our host told us walking was the best option, and to just follow the people. As we left the restaurant where we had enjoyed lunch we followed a young couple. She dressed in her flamenco dress, he in a light coloured suit. Within 5 or 10 minutes we were following a dozen couples, or women walking together. Then as we approached the gateway to the fair, a mass of people surrounded us. Some, like us weren’t dressed up but most were.
We stopped to cross the road to enter the Feria and had to wait as numerous horse drawn carriages passed. Each taking groups of friends or families to the fair. Accompanying them were men and women on horses. The women riders caught my attention as they were riding side saddle. This is something I have only seen on tv – our royal family and period dramas.
I was struck by the poise and the elegance of these women. Sitting straight backed, and looking cool and collected despite the heat of the Spanish sun. I was in awe of this sight, even more than the beauty of those dressed in their frilly gowns.
We are currently on holiday in Spain and so the next few days posts will have a relaxed, holiday type feel to them. Situated in Seville, where the Feria is currently taking place. We have already seen the girls and women in their flamenco finery. The men in suits and the horsemen in their sombreros. I’m hoping that I can be creative with this week’s letters to suit.
O is for offered
Since I haven’t yet created the material for those posts, today’s is about what is offered to Master.
During the usual day to day life we lead, it is easy to forget who I am to him. Rushing about being the manager at work, or the daughter to my mum, takes its toll. But there are quiet times when we are alone and I am reminded. Times when I remember to offer myself to him. Generally when my body is offered, he takes it. The photo below demonstrates the offer and Sunday’s Sinful Sunday will show what was taken. Come back Sunday (when we will be travelling home) to see.
He likes to see me without clothing, naked so he can look, admire, touch and to feel. I struggle with my own nakedness in a place that isn’t bed. Indeed for many years I didn’t even go to bed naked. When my son was small and I got up to him at night, but also before that and afterwards.
These past years, since I have known Master though my confidence at being naked has grown. I wander around the house naked, but then often I am alone there. In front of him too I rarely cover myself before dressing, except perhaps in a towel.
I know he would like to see more of the undressed me. He would like me to sit beside him on the sofa, naked while he is dressed. He would like me to go about my house work, perhaps some nude cooking. But something stops me from taking that final step. Partly it is the weather, even with heating it can feel cold in the house. But mostly it is because of my own image of my body.
I am all for being body positive, unless that body belongs to me. I have recently gained much of the weight I have previously lost. The cause is something of a mystery, other than I clearly eat more calories than I burn off. I plan to try to rectify things and until I do, I hate the sight of my body more than usual. However, even after losing the weight I had struggled. So, perhaps that’s an excuse.
Perhaps I just need to do more of what he likes and wants and take off my clothes until I am naked. Hopefully the weather this summer will lend itself to such a thing.
Life has been crazy busy round here. Consequently I haven’t had much time for the #SoSS meme. This is a round up and shout out to other sex bloggers and came about because of the trend towards censorship and twitter shadow banning. But since I need to write anyway, for the letter M, I have decided to make this a post for both A-Z Challenge and #SoSS.
M is for Mention – Marie Rebelle mentioned me today on her round up and I took the word mention from her A-Z.
Some more mentions as follows:
Fellow bloggers have also been doing the April Blogging challenge. I especially like JZ’s. Hers are all about cooking, I urge you to take a look. Her stories are great and there is huge debate on many topics. This one is about the new fangled Instant Pots, which to me are just snazzy pressure cookers. Like JZ I have enough gadgets and prefer slow to fast cooking. I know this isn’t sex, per say but food is very important!
Submissy’s posts are about her life as a submissive, and have enabled her to review some of her previous posts. I intended to do this, but have been too unorganised. That in itself makes her worthy of a visit, but her posts are well worth the read. This one on Head, humiliation and happy ever afters talks about how the ability to switch off from day to day life can be helped through submission.
Charley at Sex blog of sorts expanded on her very good smut marathon entry. Katy the girl who has everything and is fantastic at all she does. Who hasn’t known someone a bit like that. There is a flaw though and reading it from a mum’s point of view and as a nurse would consider post natal depression. Or maybe she really does love her husband more than her child.
I was really disappointed at my smut marathon third round result. I received some great feedback but didn’t score at all. Critics were correct, it was difficult to know which of my characters had the flaw. My mistake was that both did. Still on to the next round.
Hannah Lockhardt is the latest twitter account to be shadow banned. I love her post telling us about the post eroticon adventures she has planned. Plenty future blog material there.
Finally Eye, wrote an amazing piece this week about being owned. I so identify with her about her journey to recognising herself as submissive and it’s effect on her. I love that she is able to express her wants and needs through this post.
Kink and Limits
There is a place on Fetlife where you can list your kinks or as described there, fetishes. Those available range across the spectrum of those related to domination and submission, through pain, degradation, humiliation and so on. Just reading through posts there, blogs, books and comments on social media it’s possible to find out about those kinks and how people fulfil them.
What is clear, is that everyone is different. What works for one person, couple or group really doesn’t for others. But just because you come across something you wouldn’t want to do yourself, doesn’t make them wrong. Nor does it mean you have to want to try everything, after all everyone has limits.
My approach all along this journey has been that I have a few very hard limits when it comes to kink. Thankfully most of those are the same as Master, which makes life easy. These include blood, scat and anything completely illegal. I have one that I described to him at the beginning of our relationship that he has respected. It might seem odd, but I will not dress up in any nurse / medial related out fit. I am a nurse and as such will not bring my own profession into disrepute by degrading the uniform. I have no problem with others dressing as a sexy nurse, I am just not doing it.
All other limits I might have, or have had in the past are soft. This made it easy to give up decisions about those limits to Master once we agreed our power exchange relationship. He has a number of kinks that aren’t necessarily mine, but I am happy to embrace them. One of those would be water sports. Given a choice I wouldn’t initiate peeing on him or being peed on, but have to admit I don’t dislike it.
My journey to submission, slavery and kink has been one of great learning. We have explored our fantasies as well as things we knew we enjoyed. There have been things we have done once or twice and not repeated, and there are others we rarely do but would like more time to explore.
The fun and enjoyment we have together in the bedroom or play room are part of what makes our relationship special. It stops life getting dull and helps us learn more about each other along the way. I am glad I found kink and explored my limits and that I have him to help me do so.
We have been travelling on this Journey for over 4 years now. There have been many times, that I have worried I am not worthy to be Master’s slave. After all, I am headstrong, mouthy and independent. But I know I am also dependent on him and have been so, almost since the beginning. This is the first time in my life I have relied so heavily for advice and support. The first time I have allowed another to guide me through life and to tell me what to do. It is the first time I have allowed another to have the last word.
My own Journey
Began in 2012. Almost exactly 6 years ago. By the end of that year I had already decided I wanted to leave my marriage. But I have to admit that legally I am still married. The journey has been painful. There have been lies and deceit along the way, and I others have been hurt in the process.
But I am now at the biggest cross roads since November 2012 when I told my husband of my infidelity. His new partner’s house is up for sale and I believe it will be sold very soon. This summer I will need to sort out my belongings, throw out the things I don’t want and need, things that aren’t important to me and I will prepare to move out.
This has been my family home for 27 years. My son was only 5 months old when we moved here. He spoke his first words, crawled and walked here. We have celebrated birthdays, Christmas and held parties. We have laughed and we have cried.
But it is time to move on, my husband can become and ex. My son and his girlfriend have their own home and are travelling through their life together. I have Master and I will move to his house.
There are so many places Master and I want to travel together, places we want to see and things we want to do. We know that we want the time and space to do so and that will require more change on my part. The end of my solo journey is in sight and a new one for us both is now about to begin.
Most important though is not the actual geographical places we might travel to or that I will need to change my work patterns to do so. More important is the distance we have travelled together and the place we will soon arrive at.
I can’t wait for the next stage of our journey as we come together, finally as one.