Fear and Trust

This week is Sinful Sunday prompt weak, but I just don’t have anything movie related to share. So, I’ve decided to show an unseen photo and combine it with this week’s Quote Quest prompt.

Standing naked infront of a mirror. The image is black and white and was taken at a dungeon.

“Right on the edge of fear was where trust could grow.”

― Cherise Sinclair

There’s no doubt I’ve come a long way since I started this blog. There is no way I would have posted naked photos of myself online 8 years ago. Nor would I have posted my face on this blog. But somewhere along the line I began to trust myself and my audience with images like this. The fear that I would be found and outed receded and my confidence in my own body grew.

It helped of course to be with a man who loves to photograph me at my most vulnerable. He started to show images of me on his Tumblr blog (usually without my face back then) and would put them amongst other photos of what turned him on. This was a big thing for me. Because many of those other women were slimmer or younger than me. But here Master was, telling me and the world that I was as (if not more) appealing to him as them.

Since my mastectomy my confidence has taken a knock. It might seem that I am happy with my naked body, but I do prefer my old one. However I believe it is right to show myself as I am now. To promote body positivity for people like me who are now disfigured. To show that there is life after a diagnosis of breast cancer. But mostly to show that it is still possible to be a sexual human being loved and desired.

In this photo though, I am hiding myself a little. The position of my hands and phone mean that you have to look carefully to see I only have one boob. I wonder why I took the photo in this way. I was feeling happy and proud that morning, the photo is one of several I took in March in the Hoxton Dungeon. So, there’s no reason to hide. It does give a hint though as to the way I live my life now. I could go out without a bra on, but it feels weird and I am fearful people would notice.

I want nice lingerie but it’s difficult to find, I want bras from the Knicker Fairy. But I am not sure they are suitable, so I am going to try one or more which have pockets for people to add more padding. You see, even if you can see that what’s inside the bra is false it might still make me feel good. I want to show myself with pride and to feel good in the process. Watch this space for the end results.

Encouraging growth

This photo was taken a few weeks ago when my tomato plants were tiny. They are probably 5 times the size now and just about to flower. I know a lot of us are struggling with inspiration and purpose right now.

12 or more weeks into lock down we wonder what the point is. How can our little part of the universe matter when disease, prejudice and hate prevails. The world as we knew it has changed. The status quo is gone.

But maybe out of this mess and chaos we can rebuild. Like the tomato plants we can grow a new, a fresh.

The sex blogging community has changed beyond recognition. We have been angry and we have mourned. But I think now is time to move into a new period. One of growth.

I think this is what I need to concentrate on now. Helping us (and of course me) to remove and to grow. Join me to encourage growth in those around us. Start by clicking on the lips below and going to at least one other blogger’s Sinful Sunday post. Show them you care, promote their work and lets rise up again.

Behind the fallen tree

We’ve been fortunate that the weather has been good here recently, but until now have restricted our walks to places we don’t need to drive to. Last weekend we were at last able to get out and about and enjoy the sunny weather. We drove to a nearby beauty spot and had a lovely picnic. Then went off for a walk. We came across a tree, that had been felled due to disease. This proved a great photo opportunity as I was able to pose for this and a few others I’ll share soon.

I’m sharing this image for both Sinful Sunday and Scavenger Hunt. Bee has just taken over hosting this great meme and has put a lot of work into getting things together. I’ve never participated in the Scavenger Hunt but this photo seems like a great one to start with. After all it is particularly designed for the exhibitionists amongst us. If you want to find out more about it go look at the information and rules.

Feeling perky

During a Smutlancer chat yesterday we talked about how to get back on track with blogging sexy and erotic things. I agreed with Molly and others that maybe more photography would be a good start. I have a new phone tripod and intend to give it some use this week. Meanwhile here’s something I took previously. On a day I felt perky, showing off a new bra. I’m waiting for the matching knickers to arrive, so there can be more of this lovely pattern then!

Me wearing a new white bra with blue roses. I've cropped off my head, but you can see my collar.

I’m linking this post to Sinful Sunday today and LIFE when it opens submissions. Click below to see who else is posting this week.

Arousal

#NSFW

Recently it’s been difficult to show a positive view of arousal after 50. Not just difficult to see but also to achieve. It is challenging to accept that your body is ageing and that it fails to respond as it once did. Then sometimes something miraculous occurs.Suddenly your partner makes you aroused in a way you’d forgotten was possible.

In case you wonder, I have a piece of silicone in my clit piercing because I was expecting to have surgery this year, which won’t now happen. But people I recommend it. Not pretty but very comfortable and also easily part of a programme of arousal!

My external labia, with clitoris showing. I have a piercing which has a little silicone bar.

Half moon / Full moon

After almost a week of cloud and rain, today has been beautiful. Not as warm as previously but gloriously sunny. So, we took a walk this afternoon and Master encountered these sights. A half moon complimented by a full moon.

A half moon visible in a blue sky.
Me in a wooded area trousers pulled down to reveal my bum. Hands on a tree across the path.

In the dungeon

This is another of the photos taken when we stayed at the Hoxton Dungeon in March. It hardly seems possible that March was still only last month. April certainly seems to have been the longest month in living memory. Anyway, this provides a view from a fun over night stay. A wonderful session of impact play and restraint (of the bondage variety).

I am leaning over a bench in a dungeon. I have a strap around my waist. you can see some of the other equipment in the room.

Small Luxuries

During these difficult times we have to make the most of small luxuries like taking a bath together. As you can see from this, I’m feeling pretty chilled and ready to climb into bed and sleep. If I remember rightly I slept very well that night, which isn’t always the case. Moments like these will, I think become more and more important as this year unfolds.

I am lying in the bath, hands behind my head. On a tray across the bath is a champagne bottle and 2 glasses in an ice bucket. They are empty.