My name is MPB and I am an exhibitionist

I’ve always been something of an exhibitionist, but until relatively recently it didn’t involve me having my photo taken, kickers down in a field.

Thank goodness! It was more that I wanted to be the centre of attention. A real, look at me Leo type. It’s almost as if I can’t help myself. I would tell myself not to draw attention to myself, not to be the one to ask questions or give an opinion. But I digress.

My exhibitionist self emerged during 2012. It only took a matter of weeks between meeting S and strutting around half naked for the world to see. Thankfully it wasn’t actually watching. Though, of course, part of me wished it was.

It’s really only through this blog (and two dominant partners) that I have recognised this about myself. Both encouraged me to embrace showing my body to them and to others that may be passing. Indeed it is the thought of those who could be around that gets me off.

There have been far too few opportunities this year for Master to take images like this. But a couple of weekends ago the weather and location lent themselves to a photo opportunity. As far as I know, no one saw my bum other than Master, but if they did I do hope it made their day!

This post is linked to Sinful Sunday, Scavenger Hunt, Kink of the Week and The Blog Days of Summer. Click below to see who else is participating in these memes.

Washing and Grooming

This last fortnight’s Kink of the Week topic has been washing and grooming. I’ve always found being in the bath or shower together to be a very intimate experience. We take a bath together reasonably often, but this usually involves sitting at opposite ends. During those times we tend to soak, relax and chat. Sometimes with wine or something sparkling. Other times it will be a way to sooth aching muscles, like when we have been doing something strenuous like decorating. Our shower cubicle is small, so we don’t tend to get in there together. But there have been some occasions when we’ve stayed in hotel rooms with amazing bathrooms. Or even rooms with bathtubs in the room, then things can be a little different. There have also been times when Master has shaved me. Memorable hotel rooms and bathrooms

Memorable hotel rooms and bathrooms

In 2014, towards the end of our first year together Master took me to Amsterdam for the weekend. We stayed in a hotel with amazing themed rooms. Ours contained a huge jacuzzi bath, steam room and sauna. There was also the hugest bed I’ve ever seen. As you can imagine, we made some fabulous memories there. Plus we even found time to get out and about.

Having the space to be naked, not just for sex or play really was fabulous. This was a restorative break as my dad had recently died. I loved that we could shower together, including washing each other. Also that we could sit in the sauna and spend time in the jacuzzi. That set a precedent for some of what has come since.

We’ve only once since had a room with a bath that wasn’t in a separate room and that was also in Holland. But we’ve stayed in some wonderful places and enjoyed beautiful bathrooms.

Grooming

Unlike many Dominants Master is a lover of pubic hair on his girl. Early on he required that I keep myself groomed so that there was a landing strip for him to use. It would be safe to say that I’ve been better at complying with this in the past rather than now. However, from time to time he decides he wants to shave me. I usually use a depilatory cream, but he prefers the shave. This Sinful Sunday image is from just such an occasion.

There is something extremely intimate, and also for me, submissive to him doing this to me, his property. I do believe that shave led on to sex and other activities!

A love of lists

Checklist Lists Business - Free vector graphic on Pixabay

There was a time when there was no need of lists. I retained all the information I needed in my head. It’s only in recent years that I’ve had the need to write my lists down. Well, that’s what I thought. But closer reflection tells me that’s not quite true. I always had a calendar or diary, which I used for appointments and work related stuff. In nursing, our notebooks and diaries often contained a series of lists – names, diagnostic information and actions. This was all paper based – i.e. in a book. But it is true to say that I held an awful amount of information in my head, probably too much.

Lists and diaries

However the range of topics to be contained within the list or on the page was relatively small. It wasn’t until I started working in management and at the same time had a child reaching his teenage years that my lists became more complicated. Around the same time I was introduced to the world of the electronic diary. For quite a while I was double running. I just like writing things down and before smart phones it was always easier to look at a paper diary than one on a computer. Even when I left my job 2 years ago I was still printing off my electronic diary and sticking it in my note book along with my lists!

I find lists most useful when there are a clear set of things to remember to do, for example when you are going on holiday or have a specific project. I tend to list my potential blog posts each week and then tick them off. Admin tasks and bills also get listed in my planner (previously just a notebook). I’m often rubbish at getting round to doing things like that and so a list with dates etc. is useful.

Master is the king of lists. He has a list for everything – books to read, things to look up in books or online, music to buy or listen to. He even puts things like cut the grass, buy milk or whatever on a list of miscellaneous things. We often come across lists written months or years ago. I don’t throw anything of his away, but try to encourage general housekeeping into the bin where possible. Our diaries are merged, so we know what each of us has planned as well as the things we are going to be doing together. It feels a bit sad now that we have no social events or holidays in our diary. It’s one of the things I’m looking forward to when the lockdown ends and we can once again plan things.

Kink lists

As a new submissive I was pleased to find kink lists documented in a number of places. Fetlife and Kinkly to name just two. These helped me not only understand the kinds of things I was reading and talking about online but know what I wanted to try or not. Fetlife for example make it easy for you to list your kinks on your profile. These lists help you work out where your hard limits lie and also to set soft ones. I also use those lists and their definitions when I am writing blog posts. They have been especially useful in the Blogging A-Z each April.

Fucked on a picnic table

This story is loosely based on fact. I really was fucked on a picnic table in the woods while wearing a leather collar and leash. But the rest of it is part of my fantasy of what might have happened that day. Content warning: Consent Non-consent (CNC), Humiliation.

I am kneeling on the seat of a picnic table. My dress is pulled up to my waist and I am exposing my bottom.
A throwback picture not linked to the original event

A story of being fucked on a picnic table

If ever you go into the woods and stumble across a picnic table, do you wonder who was there before you? What might have happened here? And before you sit down and unwrap the sandwiches you might want to get out the wet wipes, because maybe the last people here fucked on that picnic table.

We met in the car park. As instructed I was wearing a summer dress, sensible shoes and nothing else. Although it was only around 10am the sun was high in the sky and it was warm. In those days I was yet to acquire a car with air conditioning, the open windows did nothing to cool my throbbing cunt. Anticipation rather than heat was at work here. You see, I had no idea what was in store for me. The man I was meeting was very keen on fantasy games and I was his willing victim.

I travelled light, apart from the lack of clothing I only carried a small bag, containing my purse and other essentials. Stuff you don’t really need in the woods (my phone maybe, but signals were poor). He carried a largish rucksack, containing lunch and who knew what else. Not me at that point anyway. He took my bag and put it inside his.

Of course he felt me up in the car park, in front of anyone who happened by, though I can’t remember if any one did. We hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks and we had the hots for each other. I might have fucked there and then if he had requested it. He put a leather collar around my neck and attached a leash, there in the middle of the car park. Then he walked me into the dense woodland and once inside, blindfolded me.

Completely dependent on him I followed his instructions about where to step. Periodically the leash would pull tight and I’d almost stumble. But as instructed I was silent. Concentrating on the sounds and smells of the forest. I had no idea if others were around us and was both humiliated and excited at this sign of my submission. I lingered on the edge of orgasm, made worse as my cunt leaked fluid that caused my thighs to slide together as I walked. I momentarily wondered if I would be permitted an orgasm today.

Suddenly he told me to drop to my knees, as I did so the collar pulled tight against my neck. I assumed the required pose, my knees wide, hands resting loosely on them. I heard some rustling and knew what was in store. Obediently I opened my mouth to take the cock that was thrust into it. I savoured the saltiness of his pre-cum and the very size of what filled my mouth.

“Good cunt” he groaned at me. I concentrated on sucking, my mouth wide and drool already running down my chin. His fingers reached inside my summer dress and pinched my left nipple. “take me girl, take this cock” He said as I felt a sharp pain, a clamp now pinched my breast. I groaned around the huge dick filling my mouth and tensed as pain throbbed through both breasts. For a while I was lost giving him the pleasure he demanded.

He pulled away and pulled me to my feet. His fingers groping for my clit, large and engorged, before pushing two into my dripping cunt. “you are such a wanton slut aren’t you” he asked. I nodded, because it was true. I was and am. “what do you want slut?” he asked. “speak”.

“Your cock Sir”

“Come” he gently pulled on the leash and I followed. My knees knocked into something hard and putting my hands out I felt wood. I ran my hands over the grain. “It’s a picnic table” I could hear him grinning. “We can have lunch here, but first, I’m going to fuck you on it.

Sir Helped me kneel on the seat and then to lean over it. He secured rope around my wrists and tied me to the table. I was now unable to move, though had no desire to do so. I felt his cock pushing into my soaking cunt as I lay secured to the table top. My knees were grazed a little by the wood. My nipples, with the clamps still attached sending ripples of pain through my body. He took his pleasure from me. A wanton slut, blindfolded and collared. Unaware that behind her there were 3 men watching and wanking.

Because as well as taking care about the cleanliness of a picnic table, you should also beware of mentioning your fantasies. Such as the one about being fucked in the woods while others watch.

To be continued!

Pegs – not just for clothes

The current Kink of the Week is pegs or clothes pins as they are called in some places. Now, the application of pegs to my body was the first form of pain I inflicted on myself at the hands of another. As I describe in this post, S instructed me to apply pegs to my nipples while we spoke on the phone. It was mainly a long distance relationship and he wanted to exert his control over me. So, many times he instructed me to do things to my body while he listened (and later watched). This was my first introduction to Dominance and submission, and I was surprised at how readily I wanted to comply.

Nipple play

Using pegs on my nipples was the forerunner to the introduction of nipple clamps. Nipple pain for me was a sure fire way of getting me to orgasm, and then some. There was a clear channel between those nipples and my clit. It still exists but having only one nipple things are a bit different, but I digress.

The other thing about using pegs or nipple clamps is that while having them in place is painful, it is their removal that causes pain. But that pain is somehow quite delicious and can last for quite some time.

Master hasn’t used pegs for nipple play, he uses them for something altogether more evil. The Zipper.

The Zipper

Around 8 pegs have been joined together by string, and these applied to the lips of my pussy. Then an evil sadist comes along and pulls the string and off come the pegs. This is absolutely fucking painful. And amazingly fabulous at the same time. This photo was taken early in our relationship, the first few weeks. You’ll see I was shaved, and soon after was instructed to grow my hair. Also there are marks! As I wrote in my previous KOTW I really hardly ever mark! Also look at that post for a glimpse of nipple clamps being used elsewhere!

We haven’t used the zipper for sometime and I don’t wasn’t to make suggestions that I might live to regret but actually it would be good to get to that place again. Yep, pegs in kink play are a damn good thing, plus they are cheap. Plus if really necessary you can even use them later to hang your clothes out too dry. Though maybe not if they are tied together with string!

Pain, marks and a new club

I am kneeling on the bed my ankles in a spreader bar. There is a clamp attached to my labia. My wrists are cuffed.

The Tell Me About prompt this week is pain and for obvious reasons that fits well with the Kink of the week on which is marks. I always live in hope that when we go out to a play event that I’ll come back with some marks. Sadly, that really never happens. It’s a shame, because yesterday we went to an event at a new (to us) club. I was able to appreciate some pain, but have no marks to show. So, here is my take on all three.

Pain

I’m not a fan of pain in the general run of real life. I hurt my knee before Christmas (fell over while dancing!) and it is still giving me pain. In that fall I sustained a bruise on my arm which is only just fading. But impact play is different, just without the bruises. This pain, has been distressing at times and has made sleep difficult, it is nothing like being beaten with a flogger.

Bent over the bed or a bench, my bottom bare, I’m ready to receive some pain. Master has a bag full of implements and is always buying something new. I prefer a softer implement that gets stingy when used than something hard and stiff. Certain materials are definitely more painful than others and especially if they are made to resemble a plastic barbed wire. He has something like that and damn well uses it.

I prefer impact to my bottom these days, but there have been times when Master has used his toys on my pussy and even breasts. Though more gently. I’m not planning to have any play on my breast what so ever now. My relationship with my remaining breast has changed, but I’m sure we’ll explore that more over time.

In the main then, I like pain inflicted with a toy designed for the purpose. I often moan and complain but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. I’ve never used my safeword during impact play and that is probably because he is a good judge of when to stop.

Marks

As mentioned above, I really don’t mark. Well I do, but not on my bottom during impact play. Yesterday’s session was a good half an hour long, but today nothing. I can feel where his toys have hit me, it’s a bit sore. But there are no marks.

But if I walk into a door or table or trip then I have a massive bruise. It doesn’t seem fair. The places I have marked through play are my inner thighs and breasts. But as I mentioned above I am not keen any more to have my remaining breast treated in a way so as it might mark. So I’ll just put up with pain and no marks.

A new club – atmosphere matters when playing

It’s no coincidence I’m writing this post today. I was hoping (since I always hope) that I’d be able to share some photos of my marked bottom. Sadly that isn’t the case. But I do feel the need to write about the impact of an environment during a play session. Yesterday we finally managed to get to a club not too far away that run’s a monthly Sunday event. For reasons of our social life, we haven’t managed to attend before. So, were quite excited at the prospect when we realised we would be free yesterday.

The venue is located along a busy road, but hidden from passing traffic. This makes it excellent for access. Inside there seems to be plenty of space, a veritable rabbit warren of play areas, a hot tub, large bar area etc. There was vac play going on, something I’ve tried before.

The club was very busy, the carpark almost full. If lockers are allocated by number from 1 we were 93. This meant there was a lot going on. A great vibe of friends meeting and chatting. Certainly the bar area and other seating was very much like a munch. But one where people are wearing fetish gear or close to naked. I wore a leather bodice and spanking skirt. I’m pleased to say that the bodice did up tighter than last time – I’ve lost several inches from my upper body.

The main drawback was that there were few places available to play at any time. One room contained a couple of spanking benches, and also lounging, bed areas. We spied a vacant bench and got down to business. The trouble was it was noisy. People carried on speaking at the top of their voices, or so it seemed. A conversation about different floggers took place, and someone showed others his wares. There was discussion about leather vs plastic when you are vegetarian. Then in the middle of our play time, a couple began to have sex (very loudly) in the middle of the room.

I struggled to get into my zone, and I think I took quite a bit of pain without necessarily feeling it. In the end we stopped not because we wanted to, but because it was just too distracting.

We know we need to go back for another visit to see whether this club is for us. Perhaps it being so busy was a one off. Perhaps we were just unlucky with where and when we chose to play. We often play at the beginning of the event, but this time didn’t arrive till well over an hour in. But all in all, it was a bit unsatisfactory for us. Plus I came away without a mark!

Click below to see who else is participating in Kink of the Week and Tell Me about

It’s Halloween

The current Kink Of The Week prompt is witches (plus otherworldly creatures) especially timed for halloween. I had started to write a witch themed post about the All Souls Trilogy, which I have recently read (and loved). But the very arrival of halloween has reminded me that this is one ‘holiday’ or ritual I detest. So, I feel compelled to rant about halloween and leave the book review for another day.

I don’t think I have ever dressed up for halloween, nor been to a halloween party. If I ever did it would probably be as a witch. Though, having said that I’m pretty sure I never will. You see I just don’t get the point. I love a party and have even worn fancy dress on a few occasions but never on or around 31st October. All Hallows Eve doesn’t seem worth celebrating and certainly not going outside on a cold and wet evening for. Even if chocolate is involved!

The origins of Halloween

Samhain was the Celtic celebration to celebrate the harvest and welcome the darker part of the year. On that night the barrier between spirit and human worlds thinned and spirits and fairies could be seen. Bonfires were lit, people dressed up and offerings were made to the gods. Places were set at tables so the souls of the dead could be welcomed home.

31st October, 1st and 2nd November are important dates in the calendars of many countries. Some on a more spiritual level than others. This includes visiting cemeteries on All Souls Day to bring flowers, clean graves etc. They too will often have partied the night before, wearing costumes. But each to his own.

Trick or Treat

As far as I was aware this was very much an American custom and one which definitely needs to be restricted to children under the guidance of adults. This is one time I have relented and hosted a small children’s party when my son was young. Two cousins a neighbour and my son dressed as ghosts, skeletons and witches was fun. The neighbours happily filled their bags with treats. Other times I have gladly bought and given out sweets and chocolate, then eaten what’s left.

But that’s where my line is drawn; teenagers with thoughts of mischief can keep away, no matter how well dressed they are. Adults in this country of course are more likely to be seen in a local pub dressed in a questionable costume and covered in fake blood.

It turns out that from the Middle Ages until the 1930s there was a kind of treating known as ‘souling’. Groups of soulers – catholic and protestant – went around silently begging for cakes in return for prayers for loved ones. This kind of practice took place in other parts of Europe too, so maybe trick or treating originates this side of the Atlantic.

Things that irritate include:
  • Scary films have to be released on Halloween – why?
  • The shops are now full of costumes, pots to put treats in, decorations, specially designed treats and other ways to make them rich and us poor.
  • A high level of plastic is involved when we are cutting down. Though I guess you can reuse some of it.
  • Costumes often seem tenuously related to halloween. Some people think it’s ok to just put white makeup on their faces and say they are a ghost or spook. Give me a well dressed witch with stripy stockings, hat and big nose any day.
  • People changing their social media names to include something halloween related (apologies if this is you).
  • Halloween is the gateway to Christmas in the UK. By tomorrow the shops will be putting up trees and playing ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’

So in conclusion. I’m not a lover of Halloween, I haven’t decorated my house with bats and cobwebs, I’m not dressing up and I am not expecting to welcome trick or treaters.

I love a good scary book or one about witches and vampires. I love a scary film and like fancy dress parties. But these things can be done any time, not just at halloween.

Last year’s post, where I said something similar in fewer words is here

Electric

He used the violet wand on me from the first time we played. I held a respect for all things electric that made it difficult for me to quite trust the wand at first. My dad was an electrician and the idea of someone torturing me with an electric current scared me a little. Even now, I find it somewhat scary.

But there is no doubting that the violet wand is an amazing bit of kit. It works by turning the electrical current into a low watt, high frequency charge like static electricity. And that is exactly what it feels like when the wand attachments touch my skin. It’s just that it’s a continuous flow of static rather than a short burst.

Soon after we met we attended a workshop at Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar which helped me understand how it all worked. It also helped seeing other subs having the wand used on them. Even so, I still feel a bit anxious when Master is using the wand.

Having said that, the tingling feeling as he brushes the wand attachment over my bare skin is quite wonderful. I find it more relaxing if I am blindfolded and then I start to enjoy the feelings. Since I tend to try to jerk my limbs out of the way, then restraint is also a good idea.

He runs a comb attached to the wand through my hair, brushes down my body, paying attention to my nipple piercing. That often does give me a little jolt. Then onwards down my torso, arms and legs. Combined with other stimulus such as from a vibrator, my nerve endings come alive and somehow I become aroused.

When Master uses the violet wand on me, it is just one of a series of sensations he creates. A small element of the process of pain and pleasure.

This is what I wrote in February 2014 after one of my first experiences:

During that session there was cock worship, there was spanking with various implements, and there was ‘the zipper’ (lots of pegs on my pussy this time which are at an opportune moment quickly pulled off all at once). There was also the violet wand which I both love and hate as the electrical stimulations are painful but in a very erotic way. There were nipple clamps, there was the bit in my mouth and as always there was the hitachi. And there was sex too, particularly the anal sex which always has an effect on my emotional state. But also there was lots of touching – Him touching my body and me his.

Feb 2014

Sadly we haven’t played with the violet wand much in recent times. I know that by writing this, something is highly likely to happen! After all, Master reads all of my blog posts!

The joy of summer

I absolutely love summer and in particular the part of summer where the days are at their longest and the nights, their shortest.

I married in June, on 23rd. The closest Saturday to midsummer. I even tolerated night duty when it fell in the summer. It was amazing looking out on the streets of London and into the sky that never properly darkened. For many years, I only holidayed in June. Everything everywhere remains fresh, even those places that by August are sunbaked and dry. Of course, England often offers a different kind of June midsummer. But even in the rain, there is the wonder of beautiful flowers, green fields and always a long day to behold.

These days, summer holds a whole new meaning for me. It is about stripping off the clothes (more now than before perhaps) and so being more available. Also it is about feeling more like having sex, not just in the morning but other times in the day. When I was working, summer offered up the chance of a week or two away and an opportunity for afternoon sex. Even last year that was the case.

Now, we can have sex anytime, but for some reason, summer has brought with it new opportunities. Yesterday morning, we set the alarm for an early flight. I was awake long before necessary and suddenly, as the sun rose around 5am Master and I were having the most amazing sex. Summer this year has also provided an opportunity for a resurgence of our M/s dynamic. A time to be alone without outside interference and to reflect on what we want from our relationship.

We travel a lot, but for some reason, summer has provided us with the opportunity and the means to actually put our thoughts and desires into action.

Of course not everything about summer, and even in the sun is good. Here think sunburn and mosquito bite, also hot nights where you can’t sleep and any idea of sex would be just too steamy.

But give me summer over any other time of the year. You can keep the cold of winter, the flowers of spring and the leaves of autumn. I’d go for the long days, hot nights and fun of summer any day. If I were getting married again, I would still choose the romance of the middle of June. Always and forever.

Summer holidays give us the chance to sit around (semi) naked. Master took advantage of that today!

Swinging

The idea of going to a club, getting off with and having sex with someone else has never really appealed to me. Nor has meeting up with someone on a casual basis for sex, even if my partner were fully aware. This maybe seems strange, given I cheated on my husband and started more than one relationship with other men. I don’t think swinging is nor will it ever be right for me. But, I guess I need to unpack that a bit.

I’m not sure I’m cut out for casual affairs

I like to get to know people, find out how they tick before I head to bed (or wherever) with them. I prefer my relationships to involve emotional feelings, not just lust. And if I met someone that I connected with then it wouldn’t be casual. I know that I am monogamous and can’t see that changing. Having said that, when I met Master there was the possibility that it might have ended up being a casual thing. But that says more about my state of mind at the time than anything. But, I digress.

Equally I am pretty sure I’d be jealous if Master wanted to sleep with other women. But also I know that he would be unlikely to want to have sex for the sake of it. This gets to the crux of who we are and the kind of relationship we have.

We are Dominant and submissive, Master and Slave

We go to a club that most of the time is for swingers. But we attend on days when the focus is dominance and submission. Sex takes place at those parties too, perhaps some of it is swinging, but that isn’t why we are there. For us, it is an opportunity to access space and equipment we don’t have at home. I admit there is a certain amount a lot of excitement in playing in public – seeing and being seen. But we don’t go there to have sex, we do that at home.

Would I play with another and would he?

Yes, I believe that both of us would if the desire or opportunity arose. While that might be on a casual basis I’m not sure it would include sex. If Master wanted me to play with or have sex with another man, then I would. But I don’t think I’d want that to take place at a club or to be on a casual basis. I’d want it to be thought through and planned. The same if he was to play with or have sex with another woman. Then of course we are back to the feelings of jealousy that might arise.

I once had a foursome that was casual

I’ve written before about the events that took place 6 years ago with S. We met another couple to play and have sex. It happened in a hotel room and we were all present all of the time. I had sex with both S and they other guy that evening. I had my only ever girl on girl experience and S had sex with the other woman. It was fun and extremely sexy.

It was a casual encounter in that it only happened once. But there was nothing casual fun the way it was arranged. The other woman and I spent literally months getting to know each other and a lot of time discussing what would happen.

So in conclusion

I’m not a swinger and can’t see me getting into swinging. However I would have sex / play with others at the behest of my Master. But it is unlikely that would be a casual affair.