A new day, a new year

Today is my birthday, and as I enter a new year of life I somehow find myself ready to blog again. The past couple of months have been somewhat quiet here. Save the occasional, writers block post Sinful Sunday has been my only regular offering.Last week’s Sinful Sunday post, a spur of the moment shot of Master changing a lightbulb naked  was rated in the top 5 by Molly. It is those kind of shots that really are the best. Therefore this week, since I have taken no photo involving stairs (this week’s prompt) I am taking a rest.Instead I am happy to report that our sex and M/s life is resurrecting itself. Or rather, perhaps we are finding the time to get it going again. Since holiday we have been busy. Weekends away, stuff to do around the house and garden. Plus we both seemed to have returned from holiday with a strange malaise that wouldn’t seem to shift. Master has a painful shoulder, which I hope he will seek medical help for soon. This weekend though, we have shoved all of that aside.

Two mornings in a row we have had sex. Raw, just woke up and wanted to grope and kiss each other sex. Yesterday, my eyes were barely open before I found myself on my knees before him, sucking his cock. This morning I was awake first, reading birthday messages on Facebook when He began to finger my clitoris. Then he went down on me, orgasms flew through me in a way that I haven’t experienced in months. Mindful of his shoulder pain I have been on top more than of late. I had almost forgotten how wonderful that feeling is, his control from beneath me is something to behold.

As recently as Friday I was wondering if I was still his submissive bitch. Something in the things I said, and my body language that night seem to have seemed through. To us both. We have reminded ourselves of who we are to each other and that feels really good.

Sinful Sunday will resume here next week, meantime if you read this please do click on the lips and see the great photos everyone has contributed this week. But for me, today I will enjoy my birthday and savour the thoughts of yesterday, this morning and all the days to come.

Kneeling in your 50’s

One of the key things a slave does is to kneel to their Master, right? There are numerous, neigh thousands of pictures online showing submission in action; a slave kneeling.

Often He is clothed and she naked. There are specific positions that slave presents herself to her Master in, perhaps with her thighs spread, leaning back onto her heels, her hands rotated to expose the palms or else with her hands behind her head, so that He can see His property.

But what if kneeling in this way is something that you as a slave want to give your Master,  and it is what He wants to receive, but you both know that kneeling in such a way is nigh on impossible for more than a couple of minutes.

There was a time when my body was flexible, pliable and supple. There was a time when my life as a nurse hadn’t caused my back to become stiff and my knees to become sore. There was a time when I was young and slim and when my muscles where taught. Though I have to admit I have never been particularly fit and athletic there was a time when I was slimmer, fitter and more supple than I am now.

But in this new life of Master / slave I crave the ability to kneel. I want to be able to forget that my knees and thighs will ache. I want to be able to pretend my back won’t be stiff. I want to imagine that I can maintain the required position for longer than 2 minutes. But the reality is that kneeling for too long means it is difficult to get up, it means that afterwards I will walk like I am 100 not 54 and it means my back will be sore.

So, realism is the thing.  I can kneel for longer on a cushion than I can on the floor. I can sit at His feet longer than I can kneel. Plus I can sit next to Him and still suck His cock, I can sit next to Him and still submit.

My submission and slavery are not dependent on my ability to kneel for longer than 5 minutes, though I would love to be able to. When you are fifty something realism is something you both get used to. But you can still dream.

From segreti

 

Calmness

Life has been busy.

Work has been busy. 
Sometimes my mum winds me up. Other people wind me up; namely my lazy younger brother and my ex (though thankfully not at the same time).
But what has occurred to me over the past few days, as I have taken time to reflect, is that I really am a much calmer person these days. I really don’t get particularly stressed or worked up. I would go as far as to say I am essentially a calmer person than I have ever been in my adult life.
Maybe it is age, or experience? Maybe though it is about me as a person who has let go of control of so much of her life that the things that remain feel less of a worry? 
Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments. But to be frank, nothing winds me up in the way I could be guaranteed to get upset about before.
The constant presence of the collar and cuff remind me always that I am Master’s slave and that He has particular expectations of me. So often, sometimes without consciously thinking, I consider what He might think about my behaviours and actions. Some might think I am conditioned after over 2.5 years together, but I think it is more that I feel safe in this relationship. I feel wanted, loved, needed and desired. He has expectations of me and I want to make Him proud of me, of the person I am when we are not together. We are a team, we function well together and we help keep each other in check. 
We have an understanding of each others needs and these days I am perhaps better at articulating when I need more control and He is better at recognising that need. At the same time I am better at recognising His needs in my service to Him.
We both recognise the need for more play time, more kink.  But this relationship isn’t about the kink, we are a Master and slave partnership. We install calm in each other. 
We have travelled a long way and hopefully are months away now from being together full time. That thought fills me with more joy than I can say. 

Back to basics

We have been enjoying a wonderful summer together. A trip to France in May was followed by our holiday in Sicily, then there was a weekend away to visit my brother and then last weekend apart. Me with my mum in France, Master with his daughter in Amsterdam. In between there have been nights out, the theatre, the cinema, meals, trips to the pub…..

Often we have had little time for sex, a need to get up early, or getting home late and falling into bed. Plus of course the little matter of needing to prepare both our houses for when I join him in his. We get on really well together, we have no problem in living a vanilla existence. We can sit together reading, discussing current affairs, we don’t really need to argue and so don’t. We are maybe more tolerant of each other because we respect each others point of view even if we don’t agree with it. We love each other and we fancy each other. Of course, the relationship is not quite like it was at the very beginning. But it could be.
This weekend we got back to the core of what we are about as a couple. Master and slave. We reconnected in a way that we really haven’t given time for in quite a while. Plus we still managed to get out, travel to London to see a play, eat dinner and have a lovely walk back to the train station.
But while we were alone together here, things were different. 
He decided on  Friday night and again last night when we got back that I needed to be naked. He had me kneel before him and suck his cock. He had me wear one of the leather harnesses (It was a bit on the loose side, so the diet and exercise is paying off) and he was clear about how I should address myself and him. I was ‘this girl’ once again and he was Master and also Lord; he really loves me calling him Lord, but I do stumble over it. Not because I mind calling him Lord, but too many films and books mean I am confused as to whether I should call him my Lord or just Lord. It sounds weird in a way that Master doesn’t (but I digress).
We have had amazing sex. Kinky, horny sex. I have been permitted numerous orgasms, many more than the tally currently written in black ink on my tummy. I have had a prize from him, one that I received while he was deep inside me this morning. I have also been required to pee on him, though this weekend not the other way around. 
We have talked about the fact I have a contract and rules that I don’t follow and discussed how we can get that back on course. I know what I need to do, the rules are few and they are simple. But this is a two way process and he has promised me that he will also make sure we keep making time for the kinky side of our life. The pain and the pleasure, the Dominance and the submission. Master and slave. 
This weekend has been relaxing and it has been busy. We got back to basics and it is clear that we do have time, we can have it all. 

S is for…..

A girl’s submission to slavery

One topic today since this lies at the heart of her very self, what she is and how she functions. In order to write this blog post, this girl needs to write in the third person – her slave persona  – this girl. This is a personal need rather than something imposed. You see, when Master told this girl that he thought that the use of the third person would help her in coming to terms and understanding her submission he was right. In the beginning it felt odd and sounded strange to even refer to herself in private with no one else present as this girl. She didn’t exactly believe that it was necessary since she had already worked out she was submissive. Of course it turned out Master was right!
The realisation that this girl was a submissive came in the early days with S. He brought out her submissive side and taught her that it was a good thing. That it wasn’t a sign of weakness but instead strength. The desire to serve another, to want to please to feel the need to worship another was part of who she was. Sadly, S wasn’t the right person to receive this girl’s submission in the long term. Indeed, it is now clear that he was frightened of it. For him, it was about play, it was a game. For this girl it was a part of who and what she was. He recognised this and pushed her away. The fact that they carried on seeing each other for a while was about carnal need, but eventually it was clear that this girl wanted and needed more. 
Master recognised something in this girl during early online play and discussions in a chat room. Meeting up on a bleak, cold day in February only confirmed this. There was a sexual chemistry, but also there as something else. He recognised that she desired to submit to him and over time they agreed that she was his slave and he her Master. Looking back there was an inevitability which was confirmed after a period of separation which allowed both to reflect on their time together so far.

Separated by thousands of miles, both had struggled to make sense of the emotions of the previous few months. On the spur of the moment (it seemed at the time) he asked if she wanted to be his slave. Somehow that request was exactly what she wanted and needed. She didn’t understand at the time why she felt the sense of relief she did. It felt almost like a home coming (though that took place a while later when he returned from his travels).

Jack Rinella’s book Becoming a slave provides this girl with the closest definition and understanding of her own understanding of slavery. He recognises that slavery and indeed submission itself is personal. He describes slavery in this context as a voluntary type of servitude. He identifies that rather than the slave being someone weak, needy and in need of constant supervision, she (or of course he) is someone who wishes to serve the Master, to give the power she holds to him. In doing so the slave puts the Master first, supporting and empowering him. At the same, they are quite possibly achieving success in their own endeavours. This is how life is for this girl. She does not need micromanagement, and she is able to lead a successful career. However she feels that she needs to defer to Master, to seek His approval and support. She needs to be his servant, to please to to give him total control of the life that is their’s to share. 
In effect she has surrendered her will to Master and as Jack Rinella describes, her ego has been nullified and now belongs to him. She has given herself totally to him to take care of. Her self image has become his. 
This whole area of thought is complex, but for this girl it sits inside the deepest recess of mind and body. 
Yet, it is visible for all to see. Well for those who are able to see how important this life is to her. Generally people remark that she looks well, not just in body but that she is fulfilled.
Today, this girl met with her ex. Somehow she was surprised to hear the lack of communication that appears to go on with his new lady friend. She was surprised that she and he were unable to communicate at a level she is now used to. But later she realised she should not be surprised. Master has helped this girl to recognise her needs and to reach out to Master in fulfilling them. The level of communication in this girl’s relationship with Master is completely different. It and He have brought her happiness she could only have dreamt of in her previous relationships. Slavery has brought her happiness, but only because Master is the right person to submit to. She is Master’s slave.

O is for………

Orgasms and ownership

Master is a generous man. While Master owns this girl and her orgasms, he loves to see her cum and so permits her to experience lots of them. This photo taken on Saturday morning signified that 11 had been permitted (2 on Friday night and the rest on Saturday morning).

The idea of ownership and possession of another human being is not something to be taken lightly and it remains a source of wonder to this girl that she so readily agreed to this course of action. There is something about the knowledge that Master wishes to have total control, that is extremely arousing. What is more, it makes this girl feel wanted, valued, and needed. All of these feelings are important to this girl. But more than that, they make her feel happy in her own body for maybe the first time in her life. This is what she needs from her relationship with Master – the ability to express her submission to him and this is something that she can do on a daily basis whether we are together or not. There is always a way to demonstrate that she is slave and He is Master, that she is owned.

M is for………

Master/slave dynamic (M/s) and Mine

The more this girl reads about the concept of the Master / slave dynamic, the more she realises that everyone’s individual experience is different. People often describe themselves not as ‘a’ slave but as ‘His’ slave, in the same way that it is difficult to describe yourself as a wife if you don’t have a husband. Others still identify as slave, but are unowned. For this girl she didn’t actually identify as a slave until she already had a Master. He however says that he saw such qualities in her. Not all slaves identify as submissive (according to a number of people on Fetlife that this girl is acquainted with), but she herself knows that she is submissive and probably always was.  Master definitely is Dominant, and wishes to be in control of all aspects of his life, including the person he is having a relationship with. Because while some relationships are based on play and sex, or play and no sex, or servitude with or without sex, or love, they fundamentally are relationships.

For us, the key elements of our relationship which we believe put it in the spectrum of M/s are ownership – He is the owner, she is the possession, power – He has the power, she does not, obedience  – she is expected to be obedient and does try to be.

Moving from a situation where this girl had full control of her own life, and direct control and influence over that of other people to what she has now has taken quite a change of focus. While many decisions are still taken together, some are not. In many cases he asks her opinion while in others he not only doesn’t but also doesn’t expect it. The process to get where we are now has taken time, and this girl has a feeling that we aren’t any where near the end of that journey. Master generally decides where we go, how we get there, what time we leave, what we do when we are there. Requests can be made, but when he doesn’t wish to do whatever it is, then they don’t happen. This girl didn’t even know she would want to live life in this way, but she really does. Indeed the less control she has over her life the less she wants. The fewer decisions she has to make, then the fewer she desires to make. That isn’t to say that this girl can’t take control, she does where she needs to and will always be able to. But for now, this is the lifestyle she has chosen and it is what she wants. She is his to use, his to do with as he wishes, she is property.

Mine – a four lettered word which Master uses to remind this girl who she belongs to. It reinforces the power he feels he has over her. Power that arouses him and helps her into the submissive space she loves to inhabit. He uses the word – Mine – a lot.

K is for ……….

Kneeling and knocking over your gin and tonic (more of that later)

Kneeling didn’t always carry the meaning for me that it does now. When I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s I was a district (community) nurse and in those days we spent quite a bit of time on our knees. In hospital the furniture is set at a particular height, which both allows the patient to easily move, say from bed to chair plus the height helps with the strain on the back. It was less often during that time that furniture was at the right height for either, though we had hoists, blocks to raise chairs etc. However, I know I spent quite a bit of time on the floor, on my knees. Sometimes this was about getting closer to the patient, holding their hand and in the absence of any where close to sit, I would kneel. Other times it was about dressings, often to the legs. Rather than bed, I would kneel.

All of that is a long time ago and I am no longer 30 something. My back gets stiff and painful from my nursing career and it is less easy to jump up from my knees. Plus, when I kneel my back aches.

However the desire to kneel is great.

There is nothing more special that when Master demands: ‘On your knees girl’. Often this means He wishes me to suck His cock. Or perhaps He just wishes to exert His Dominance and authority over me. There is something about those words that make my knees weak and allow sinking to my knees all the easier. If naked He might request I spread my knees apart so that he can feel the slickness spreading between my legs. Sometimes He will place a leather collar around my neck, or perhaps put on a harness. Somehow the combination of those things: the collar, the kneeling, feeling my cunt will almost bring me off on the spot. For me kneeling is part of  my submission, all more special because I don’t do it so often, or for long. Half an hour like that and it is difficult to actually move. The mind is willing but the body is knackered!

It has been a busy working day and I was later home because I was helping my son with the sale of the car he was given after my dad died ( it didn’t happen but that is another story). Dinner out of the way, the clearing up done, I sat down to write this post and sat for a moment wondering what word to include with Kneeling.

I glanced out in the garden and noticed in the dusky gloom, the towels I put on the washing line yesterday and which were too wet to bring in last night due to the showers I didn’t predict. I jumped up, thinking I would sort that first. I put one foot into my boot (which I had helpfully kicked off near to the sofa; oh how lazy you become when living alone) and somehow knocked over my lovely glass of gin and tonic!!!

So as I cleared up the mess and refilled my glass before bringing in the towels I named the second part of this post; K for knocking over your gin and tonic!





F is for…….

Figged and Fetlife

At the weekend we were discussing the day, last June when Master figged His girl. I had seen the ginger in the fridge, but why would you think anything of such a thing since from time to time I buy it for cooking purposes. During the whole scene though, I had no idea what he was using, and indeed no idea that people used ginger in this way. I don’t know if there are meant to be rules with this meme, but this is my blog and I will do as I wish. So, here is the post as posted last June (I know this is really lazy):

Sometimes without knowing it,  or indeed knowing what it is you might have on a bucket list of kink, you can tick items off. Also, a you might find a photo on tumblr (in this case reblogged by Master) and suggest you would like to do that, and next thing you really are.

So this morning Master played with His girl. This was the position she found herself in:

This girl hastens to say, that this isn’t her, but is the photo mentioned above which we both reblogged. This girl was blindfolded and she wore a leather collar, but in her case it was part of a harness that also framed her tits.

This girl had waited for what seems like ages for a play session. This morning when it started though, she didn’t really feel in the mood. The position she was in was uncomfortable and then he put something into her anus. Something which felt a bit like a plug, but then again not. Whatever it was, she was sure he hadn’t put it in properly and she said so. He laughed and said it was definitely in! She wondered about telling Him to forget the whole thing, but deep down knew that 1) she needed this and 2) He would likely ignore her since she is His slave and anyway was far past the point of any choice in the matter.

He put on some music, something pretty erotic – who knew that Madonna had produced such stuff (certainly not this girl who stopped bothering with her during her adopting African children phase). Then out came the hitachi and everything changed. Damn that man for giving this girl such an amazing orgasm and then leaving the thing in place. Gradually the anxiety about not wanting to be there subsided, and the burning in her bottom started to grow. What the hell is that, this girl thought to herself. She wasn’t able to think much about it though since He started to use the violet wand with its various attachments. Some of those are very pleasant, and some are downright painful. But painful in a nice way (damn Him). There was also flogging of the inner thighs and the cunt. Plus there was the horrible snake thing which girl doesn’t like and we now realise she might be a bit allergic to. But anyway, senses were in overdrive, and Madonna was belting out “Deeper” just as Master decided to do just that.

This girl felt the warmth of His body between her spread legs and felt Him plunge deep inside her. Suddenly too she remembered exactly what she needed and today, what she needed, she got.

It transpires that the ginger this girl found in Master’s fridge yesterday was not there for cooking specifically, but to be inserted into her arse. This girl has been figged and tied to the Erotica Album by Madonna.

Deeper, Madonna

Fetlife, the Facebook of the kinky world. Increasingly I wonder why I bother to go there. Well actually no, I do know. It is a great place for local finding events and linking to people who go to them. But increasingly it is so full of drama and unpleasantness such as you only find on Facebook and Twitter on a really bad day. 
On Fetlife you can find the slaviest slaves and the domliest Doms. People who spend their entire lives naked wearing a collar and leash but who spend all day on the internet. Of course though as with all social media you can meet some wonderful people, get great advice and have amazing discussion with like minded people. The problem is finding your way through the professional 21 year old Dom(mme)s and the drama. Still, never a dull moment!