Inspiration and blocks – F4TF

I have kept a blog for probably 10 years, and have been writing this one for well over 5. In that time my content has ebbed and flowed. There is nothing like a new relationship or exciting situation to get the creative juices flowing. But at other times, inspiration is difficult to come by. What is more, it is a challenge to keep things fresh and to refrain from repeating yourself, too much.

This week’s Food For Though Friday is about Inspiration and blocks as a blogger. These are mine,

Where do the ideas for your content come from?

My blog has always been, and probably always will be predominantly about me and my life. So, if things are going very well or very badly, I will have no trouble thinking of something to write about. At other times, I rely on memes and prompts to help me along. 

I would love to write fiction, but really struggle with ideas for stories, whatever the genre. I don’t lack imagination, but unless it has happened, or I can see it happening to me I find it difficult to document. Perhaps years of writing factual reports for work has affected my ability to write fiction. When I was much younger, I wrote stories in long hand in exercise books. I no longer have them, so can’t really comment on quality, but I wasn’t short of ideas. They were often pretty erotic too. 

How do you get inspiration? Who or what inspires what you post?

We are so lucky to have other bloggers and writers to help provide inspiration to us within this community. There are so many talented people, thinking up ideas, running memes and competitions. Then there are those that participate, who inspire content and ideas. Some of my favourites: 

  • Molly’s memes – Sinful Sunday and Kink of the week as well as elust which provides a monthly list of top sex blog posts, reviewed and rated by their peers
  • Marie from Rebel’s Notes – Wicked Wednesday a weekly meme, Smut Marathon an erotic writing competition and Smut Relay a story being written by different bloggers over several months
  • Kayla Lords – Masturbation Monday, another weekly meme and her other projects including the Smutlancer and the Loving BDSM podcast
  • F4TF by Kilted Wookie – which I am participating in right now
  • All of the bloggers above also write their own posts which provide further thought and inspiration. 
  • At other times I have joined in with 30 days of submission or kink and other such memes that are more of a one off. 
  • Then there are bloggers who seem to have little difficulty with their own inspirations and are great at providing others with ideas. I especially enjoy reading May More, Cara Theron, Posy Churchgate and Floss
  • Of course there are more ways of being inspired, and there are others out there providing that inspiration. Sometimes it is just a matter of visiting and commenting and suddenly realising you have a whole post to write in response. 
How do you decide  what to share, and why?

I try write stuff that is interesting to me and also importantly my Master. If no one else finds it exciting, that is ok, because it is my blog and I am writing in the main for our benefit. Sometimes my writing becomes personal, such as is the case right now. At other times it is fun or frivolous. It isn’t always easy to want to write and to share personal things, sometimes it feels dull and boring. But for me it is about being true to myself. Not much of my life is hidden, but in the main I avoid mentioning exact locations, other people who prefer to remain anonymous, specific details about my work and of course family. Other than that, what you see is pretty much what you get. 

My space

This weeks Food 4 Thought Friday prompt is all about self care, something that I have considered much more over past few weeks. It is so easy to be wrapped up in work, family, friends, household chores etc. Less easy to find the space for yourself. This was very true for me over the past few years. Reading back over older blog posts I can see how my life was a circle of work, getting the house ready to sell, helping my mum move and finally my own move. Of course there have been wonderful holidays and weekend breaks, but often they are busy times. Finally now I can and also need to have time for myself and us. 

What activities do you indulge in to take care of you?

In the time since I finished work most of the self care has been reasonably sedentary. My body and brain needed to relax and unwind. The two holidays I have taken have been relaxing, I have read novels for the first time this year and strolled rather than rushed. I have also begun to blog more, but also read what others have written. 

Some of the things I like to do to relax include walking – exploring new places, eating nice food and drinking good wine. I have my sewing which has taken for ever to finish. I also like to be pampered – a manicure, pedicure, facial, not that I have had those for a long time. 

How regularly do you make time for yourself?

As I mentioned above, time for me was previously in short supply. Now though I can indulge myself and since my recent cancer diagnosis I need to. Finally family are giving me permission to concentrate on myself, but it is a shame that wasn’t the case before. 

My priority is my health and wellbeing and our relationship. For now, that is how it will be.

Is your sex life part of your self-care regime and, if so, what part does it play and how?

Sex is certainly part of the plan. But also the opportunity to spend time together while naked. To be allowed orgasms and to provide sexual service to my Master. I am not sure how my libido will be affected by the impending treatment. But meantime it seems wise to indulge ourselves. 

My blogging journey

How did you first become aware of the blogging community?

My first blog was about nursing and working for the NHS (UK health system). It started as somewhere to document some of the growing disgruntlement some of us were feeling as well as documenting what was going on. Soon after I started a Masters course and began to write posts that were reflective and which I could use as part of a journal. Once I had finished my course my interest waned and posts were sporadic.

In 2012 I decided to start another blog – World of joolz – as a way of recording my journey in my new and illicit relationship. I never envisaged that blog would lead to this one and the relationship I have now. Shortly after starting that blog, I deleted my work related one. It was difficult enough being anonymous on one blog, but nigh on impossible on two. Especially if anyone worked out both were written by the same person. I regret deleting and wish I had just taken it offline. 

What made you decide to take the plunge and join in?

In both cases I began to read other blogs and decided I would like to write my own. Because I was used to commenting on other blogs, I was bolder with the kink one and so attracted followers quite quickly. In both cases I felt part of a (very small) community and enjoyed the interaction. I am still friends on Facebook with a couple of nurses from those early days. 

As time has gone by, I have interacted much more with the wider kink / BDSM / sex blogger community. Twitter was probably the thing that led to my small circle widening to the extent it is today. My blog isn’t the most widely read, but lots of people know about it and me.

How did you decide on the type of content you would share?

My blogs have always been about a personal journey or way of recording events. In the past 2 or 3 years I have joined in much more with memes like this one, and sometimes that has taken me in a different direction. I would like to write more fiction, but don’t find it easy. There are so many people out there with more creativity and better writing skills than me. I enjoyed participating in the Smut Marathon, but am undecided about next year. 

To begin with, preserving anonymity was very important as I didn’t want to lose my job. So I was careful not to give locations or information that might identify me. While this is still the case, I am much more willing to show my face and to be more open.  

Have you achieved the goals you wanted when you started blogging and have these changed over time?

From time to time, I remind myself that the blog is about me, about my relationship and journey and pull back slightly from everything else. I didn’t have any particular goals, but was on a voyage of discovery. I would say I have been successful in that. I have learned so much about myself as a person and have been able to see myself grow as a submissive for example. 

Master reads everything I write and often reads old posts, they are often points of discussion for us. 

What have been the most positive aspects of being a blogger?

In the early days of my kink journey I read many submissive and slave blogs, in particular. They helped me to work out the things I wanted to try on my journey as well as those I definitely didn’t. They were where I learned about TTWD (the things we do) and that no two relationships are, or need to be the same.

The best thing has been meeting other people through blogging as well as engaging regularly online. At the weekend I met Indie who is in the UK at the moment and who I would never have met if it hadn’t been for blogging. 

Have there been any negative aspects of being a blogger?

Sometimes you can put pressure on yourself to participate in everything. Finding time to write is difficult enough, but visiting other blogs and participating is difficult. I love to get comments, and feel I should do the same, that is time consuming. But it is enjoyable. 

#F4TFriday

Breaking the rules

What is your attitude to rules? Do you follow them completely? Do you bend them? Are they there to be broken?

I struggle with the whole concept of rules. On one hand we need laws to ensure people understand what is considered right and wrong. That there are punishments for committing murder, theft, rape etc. But the problem is people love to make rules and even laws for their own sake. Often these seem to be for the purpose of exercising power over others.  Laws relating to sex seem to be for this very purpose. I find it abhorrent that for so long it was illegal for people of the same sex to express their love for each other, have relationships and enjoy sex. Also that women couldn’t terminate unwanted pregnancies. For so many people in the world these things are still illegal and even here where they are not, stigma and taboo remain.

Do you have any self-imposed rules that you live your life by? Do you ever break these?

My personal rules relate to the things I feel are morally right. They relate to respecting others, to being kind and considerate. But also I try not to break some of the more obvious rules of society and laws of the land. I try to treat others as I would want to be treated. I try to stick to the speed limit and to do what I can to help my mum and others that need me. Sometimes though things don’t go so well. I can be intolerant of others, especially those who seem to want to waste time, people that are not prepared, and those who are down right rude. There are times when I can be short tempered and impatient and then I am inclined to forget the rules. 

Within your relationship, are there rules you abide by? Who sets these? Have you ever broken them and, if so, was it deliberate? What are the consequences of rule breaking in this context?

As a consensual slave in a M/s relationship there are rules. We have tried ones that were agreed and written down, but neither of us were very good at them. For me, us living apart meant that some of them were tricky to stick to all of the time and for him, informing them was too much trouble. 

So really our rules are about respect and remembering who has the last word. They are about honesty, about telling him everything and not bottling things up. For us, rules are about me allowing him to take control and being happy when he does. The main rule is that his decision is final. Probably for us that is enough.

The sound of sex

I’m no lover of the sounds many porn actors make during sex scenes. But as I write this, I have to wonder if I sound a whole lot different.

For many years I was pretty quiet while having sex. Partly because there was often a child / teenager asleep in the next room. Partly because I often wasnt especially aroused. Sex was something quick and perfunctory, which sounds awful. However, no word of a lie, my ex could begin foreplay and finish up during (a long) commercial break.

All that changed when I discovered what sex could be like. Once I started to enjoy orgasms with the intensity I do now, I began to let myself go. Suddenly I found myself making all kinds of sounds and, yes a noise.

Master speaks and expects to be spoken to while we have sex. He asks questions about my feelings and about who I am. Asking for an orgasm is required and begging for it not unusual. Foreplay usually involves him using his fingers or mouth to explore my vulva, and I defy anyone not to express how that feels in pretty vocal terms. I seem to have transformed from someone who made few sounds for fear of waking my son or disturbing the neighbour’s to someone who doesn’t really care. 

As for the kinds of sounds I make, well definitely moaning and groaning with the odd scream of pleasure when things get particularly intense. Maybe I should get Master to record me, just to see if they are so different from the girls performing on film.

What you see is what you get

This week, Food For Thought Friday has asked about anonymity online;  to what extent do we hide (or indeed show) who we really are.

As those who know me in real life, or have met me at some event will know, I am reasonably open and out there. The person I write about is completely me, since fiction is not really my bag. Stories are often based on me, or my fantasies. Which is probably why they lack excitement and drama.

Julie really is my name, though MPB isn’t. Well it is to one person and he doesn’t need to read anything to know who I am. I wasn’t creative enough to develop my own clever pseudonym and anyway wasn’t all that troubled about people knowing my name is Julie. Of course there are a lot of people, mainly of a similar age with my name and so I can remain relatively anonymous. If you knew my surname, that would be different, I am the only one of me on Facebook and I have never met another. There is no need for anyone on my blog or Twitter to know my surname, unless I am buying something from them.  For the Smut Marathon I gave myself the name Jones, which goes reasonably well with Julie.

As I grow older, and as my career comes to something of a close, I am less worried about discovery as a sex and kink blogger. No one is going to sack me now. However I do have people to protect, those who wouldn’t want to know and definitely wouldn’t understand. So, best I retain that final bit of anonymity. After all, it will also serve as protection to me, from myself.

One of the questions asked as part of this was: is your anonymous/pseudonymous online self a secret or more a form of protective “camouflage”?

The answer is probably the latter.  I show much of myself on my blog (in words and pictures) and am open about who I am to those who meet me. But still I wish to retain something of a screen. Yes camouflage.

What I know now

It is the 50th Food 4 Thought Friday, which is a major accomplishment. I am in awe of all within this blogging community that run memes. There is an extraordinary amount of work. So well done and thank you. Having said that, I usually struggle to participate in everything. But since I am trying to post every day in June, and I am on holiday, with wifi, here goes.

What I know now

What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 18 year old you?

Probably that at the age of 55 I have sex at all. I was so naive back then and uneducated about sex. I never envisaged people as old as I am now even had sex.

What one thing might shock that younger you?

The extent to which I enjoy sex. That being with the right partner is the key to enjoyment and that we are meant to enjoy sex (not sure if that is one answer or 3).

Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled?

I have probably surpassed them. Having bought the Joy of Sex shortly after my marriage when I was about 22, we spent some time trying out various sexual positions.  I wish I still had a copy to check out if I have had sex in all of them. It felt slightly naughty and a bit hippy at the time. I’m not sure if anal was even in there, but if it was then I’ve done that too.

What part of the younger you’s sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia?

Probably the ability to work all day, party all evening and still have sex at the end of the night. Because we had so much energy then. I have a hunch that Master and I would have been proper party animals if we had known each other. Because as I said at the beginning, compatibility is the key.

Sexting

 


The Food For Thought Friday prompt on sexting throws up so many memories for me. Even before I knew I was interested in sex blogging, or indeed in having an active kinky sex life I was already sexting. Looking back, on my marriage there were key points when I looked for excitement. I just didn’t know what I was looking for.

The early days – pre sexting

There was a time when there were no mobile phones, and few home computers. Even once most of us had a phone we used it for calls. Texts were expensive and you only called people you knew. Plus you tended to turn the thing off when not in use.

In around 1998 or so we bought our first computer. We put it in the dining room and my son played games there. After he was in bed, I played the games too. I remember staying up to 2am one weekend night, much to my husband’s disgust, building a theme park. Later I learned (probably through my son) that you could engage with other gamers. Plus, I built a website based on the Dragon Ball Z cartoons. I was self taught and proud of myself. Next I found themed chatrooms. Somehow I found myself chatting in real time to people around the world.

Chatting and Sexting

It all started very innocuously, around the millennium. I had a thing for men in glasses and joined a chat room with that theme. There were plenty of weird people, but also some very interesting and sane individuals. I spent hours talking about anything and everything with people I felt I was starting to know, until one day I encountered someone who sparked something in me. Private chat had come into play, he was in the midst of a marriage break up and I pretty miserable in mine. The chat became a little more raunchy and before I knew it we were typing suggestive and sexual words and sentences to each other. Looking back, I am sure he was a seasoned professional, but for me this was new. Still sitting at our desktop computer, by now in the hall I entered a world from which I have probably never emerged.

Phone sexting – Text, calls and photos

Looking back, my initial foray into the sexting world was pretty tame. It wasn’t until I had a laptop with broadband that I explored actual sex related chat rooms. Sending photos took hours, even with broadband so, given the opportunity, once you had texted the next step was phone sex. Later, broadband improved and photos were possible. But sexting as we now know it didn’t become possible until our phones were enabled with 3 and then 4g.

It is really only through this quick look back at my sexting history that I can actually recognise the frustrations I felt. Here I was, a wife and mother chatting to strangers online. My husband wasn’t happy, mainly because I wasn’t paying him attention. He though was often watching TV or asleep of an evening. Things only went awry really when one or two men I chatted to sent me pictures and I, stupidly didn’t delete them as I should have. I am not sure I ever wanted what they sent, but felt excited that they did.

The world of dial up, early broadband and mobiles of the time was innocent in comparison to what we have now. But it opened up a world I didn’t know existed and in a way led me to where I am today. Sexting was the start.

Better to give or to receive?

 

I was pleased, late last week, to see that Food for Thought Friday is back. I only found the meme just as it stopped a couple of years ago, so joined in only twice. But, now it is back – with a Friday prompt – and almost a whole week to write something. Luckily for me, since I was busy last weekend.

Receiving

Master loves to both give and receive. I am almost inclined to think that he prefers giving. He certainly loves to spend prolonged amounts of time with his head buried in my pussy. Before I met him, my experience of cunnilingus was limited. Certainly my ex was no expert and anyway he preferred sex be about him. To be frank, he rarely engaged in any kind of foreplay. So the likelihood of him going down on me was slim. Master is different, he enjoys the feel and taste of me. Plus there is always my piercing to play with.

I like to suck him while he is down on me, but concentrating can be a problem. Master is busy nibbling, sucking and licking me to orgasm and I am struggling to work out how to suck. Instead I often stroke him – his cock, his balls and his anus. Moving onto his hips and back, I take pleasure in using my hands on him. While he uses his mouth on me.

Giving

If I am giving oral to Master, I am often found on my knees. Providing worship to his cock. Indeed, he has a very worshipful, thick and long cock. By far his is the favourite of any cock I have had the pleasure of licking, sucking or just holding in my mouth. He tends to know what he wants and gives instructions. He knows that the act of taking his cock in my mouth is enough to turn me on.

I have to admit that I am not a great fan of tasting my own juices, but I do like his. Particularly if he has eaten or drunk something quite sweet. It’s amazing how the taste of a man’s cum changes depending the previous days  dinner.

What is more, I like the smell and the taste of him in general. I am particularly fond of a newly bathed or showered penis. Though not adverse to one that is newly emerged from slumber.

It would be true to say, I am fond of both receiving and giving. But given that I am a slave and a slut, that is probably no surprise.