An advent diary

Advent calendar

Opening my eyes in the dim early morning light, I reach for my phone. Several messages await, but my focus is on the time and date. 08.00, December 25th. I’m alone in the bed and I have time to luxuriate in the warmth, the space and the peace before family arrive later. Today will be something different – parents, grown up children and partners. Nothing like the 24 days of advent.

1st December

I was in a coffee shop. Bill and I chatted we waited in line. He didn’t tell me his name right away, but he thoughtfully told the Barista when he ordered his latte. By the time we left the shop and went our separate ways, he had my name and number. More of him later.

2nd

I’ve been seeing James for a few months and he called round after work. He is under the impression that only full on naked sex in a bed is being unfaithful to his wife. I really should end this thing, especially given the way my ex treated me at the end of our marriage. Trouble is, James knows his way around a woman’s body and gives fabulous orgasms. His tongue action on my clit is to die for. What’s more he has great taste in champagne and always arrives carrying a bottle or two.

3rd

Dinner with my good friends Tom and David. They are in a relationship with each other, but not averse to flirting with me. Nor looking every man in the restaurant up and down to decide who might make a suitable partner for me. Or at the very least someone who looks to be a good fuck opportunity. A hilarious, if a little rowdy evening. It’s probably as well we don’t get together too often.

4th

I bumped into Steve, list in hand, as I browsed the salad isle in Waitrose. Strange really, because when we were married he was more of a Lidl or Aldi man. But I guess Sandra has an eye for quality when it comes to vegetables at least. Thankfully he was in a hurry, so the encounter was short.

5th

My boss, Gavin called me into the office to tell me our directors were really pleased with the project I recently completed. He thinks I might be in line for promotion in the new year. It’s weird really how my career has come on since I stopped being some kind of appendage to Steve. I don’t always feel massively confident about myself, but people like Gavin and his boss have been a great encouragement. Looks like 2020 might be a good one after all.

6th, 7th, 8th

Bill called last night and we met up for a drink, which led to dinner which led……… I really don’t usually sleep with men on the first date. I tend to be more cautious than that, but….. He has one of those riverside apartments and I went outside to take a look while he opened a bottle. He brought blankets out and we sat for a while chatting over our wine. Then he leaned in for that first kiss and before I knew it we were naked in his bedroom. Next, he was telling me how beautiful I am and I was running my hands up and down his greying chest hair. He is pretty fit for 55. The sex was really something. It’s funny, until recently I had no idea that there were men out there who actually know how to please a woman. And that they want to do it.

Next morning he made us breakfast, before we went back to bed for a few hours. I’ve not done anything quite this crazy in…… well maybe forever.

When I left for home on Sunday night my cunt was sore from being stretched by his very generous cock and to be honest my jaw aches a bit too. I’m already a bit addicted to sucking him off. I knelt before him while he sat on the sofa; I’m not sure I’ve done that before either. But it felt right somehow.

Work tomorrow though, so home it is.

9th

David put me on speaker phone in the car so Tom could hear. Damn those two have an instinct for these things, because I hadn’t expected to hear from them this side of Christmas. I’m to update them after the weekend.

10th

Away with work. After the events of the past week, I made my excuses after dinner and went to my room. A bath and TV was all I needed. I’ve no idea what time Gavin and Paul turned in, but there was football on in the bar anyway.

11th

Bill called me as I was driving home to ask if I’d be up for going to an adult club at the weekend. Another new thing for me to encounter in my 50’s. This really is turning out to be the decade for me. We discussed BDSM and his dominant side last weekend, I was surprised though not shocked. I’ve read some great erotic novels, just not thought about getting involved. He says we can just go and watch and I’m up for that, so I said yes.

12th

James texted to ask if he could call round, but I put him off. Maybe I should end things this side of Christmas.

13th – 15th

I’ve done it again – spent the entire weekend with Bill. I’m now considering taking a day off in the week to get stuff done. That includes my Christmas shopping.

But what an amazing time. Plus, my first spanking. I hadn’t expected to want to strip off down to my underwear at the club, but it happened. Everyone was so friendly, explaining about the equipment and how it felt to play. Bill kept me close to him while we watched and then I actually asked him if we could have a little go. I could tell he was really pleased I’d asked. And I found that having your bottom spanked, then flogged is really very arousing.

The sex back at his place was something else. As he removed my knickers he exclaimed at how wet I was. He told me how proud he was of me and do you know, it made me feel all the more aroused. It’s almost like I’m turning into someone else. Or else maybe the real me is emerging.

16th

I told James it’s over. Strangely he didn’t argue, but then I haven’t been returning his texts and calls. Especially at the weekend.

17th

Christmas shopping day. Thankfully I managed to get everything done before heading round to my parents for the evening. The only man in my life today is my dad and it’s great to catch up with him. They are looking forward to Christmas and I am too. I’m also wondering just what next year will bring.

18th

David and Tom summoned me for impromptu drinks. We went to a bar just up the road from my place. I spilled the beans on the spanking, I think I might have shocked them a bit. Of course, they want to meet Bill. After Christmas I said.

19th

Office party. I had great fun dancing to the old Christmas hits with the girls from our team and pulled a couple of the guys up to dance too. But I didn’t have a drink tonight and drove home. I want a clear head for tomorrow.

20th

As the family are coming to me this Christmas, today was my last day in the office this year. Gavin and I exchanged presents and I bought a few gifts and cards in for the team.

Tonight Bill came over to me for dinner. I am definitely falling for him, Sadly he has family stuff on tomorrow and so couldn’t stay. But I’m seeing him on Sunday.

21st

Food shopping and then a quick coffee with my son and his partner. Present wrapping to Christmas music and an early night. Sometimes you just have to do it.

22nd and 23rd

Bill and I went Ice skating in London. This is just the kind of fun and stupid thing that Steve turned his nose up during our marriage. He wasn’t even keen on taking the children out to places like that.

We drank mulled wine and ate mince pies then walked along The Embankment arm in arm. He can do the romance too. This man might end up being a keeper.

I stayed at Bills, something that’s becoming a habit – a very nice one at that. We talked about some of the things we might do together in the coming weeks. He gave me a couple of books to read, stuff about Dominance and submission. I promised to report back to him after Christmas. I won’t see him now till next weekend, but we’ll speak on the phone every day.

Christmas Eve

I got a bit behind with preparations as I was reading one of the books Bill gave me. The more I read, the more I realise that I am a submissive woman. How I yearn to have someone provide me with control. Apart from the great sex, Bill provides a quiet leadership, makes me want to please him. But also he is open about his wants and desires and somehow has allowed me to open up about my fantasies in a way I’ve never done before.

It feels like I’ve been opening a virtual advent calendar and have somehow reached Christmas Day as a new woman. How unexpected.

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Masturbation Monday

Stop apologising!

Image says: "Saying sorry"

Last week I had a hospital appointment. They hospital uses an electronic booking in service, a machine that then gives you a receipt. Only last week it didn’t. There was no one at the reception desk so, assuming I was checked in we just sat down and waited. And waited. When we had been waiting for an hour past the appointment time I went to the desk. It turned out that because I hadn’t been to the dest, even though I had booked in via the machine I was assumed not to be there.

Thankfully I got to see the doctor who apologised and complained at the stupidity of the system. The nurse also apologised. But, do you know what I found myself saying how sorry I was that I hadn’t realised and how sorry I was I hadn’t gone to the desk. They, of course, told me to stop apologising.

The trouble is I often can’t help apologising for things that aren’t actually my fault. For some unknown reason the word sorry slips out of my mouth too often. I don’t mean when I’ve done or said something wrong and need to apologise. But when someone else has done something to me – walked into me, stood on my foot or accused me of something I haven’t actually done.

I’ve been wondering if any of this has to do with my naturally submissive personality. My desire to please to make people happy? And, I think it might. No one has told me I should apologise more, but plenty of people have told me to stop.

I’d say that since I’ve been putting myself and us first, it has happened less. I do still say sorry to my mum when I can’t visit as much as sh wants. But other than that there is no one close to me that I need to apologise to. That means that when I find myself saying sorry to someone who has wronged me, they are likely to be unimportant in my life. Not to say that seeing the doctor last week wasn’t something that needed to happen. There is something about those kinds of situations that can make us feel socially inferior. However I have been to that clinic and seen that doctor a few times. What’s more I have been in professional meetings with him (though he doesn’t remember me). So it really isn’t that.

Writing this post has caused me to reflect on my propensity to apologise and I am going to try to do it less. To reserve my apologies for times when I really do need to say sorry.

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Multitask?

Hardly! I can barely do one thing at a time.

That is partially true. I am better at being efficient and effective when I focus on that thing and get it done than when I try to do 2 or 3 things at once. But of course life doesn’t allow us the luxury of concentrating on that one thing and then moving on.

Work, managing a family, social life and blogging all require attention. But if I don’t work out what I need to do and get on with it, I am likely to try to do everything at once. Not literally perhaps, though I do often have several windows on my laptop open at once and of course there’s that important WhatsApp message to check. Next I remember I promised to call my mum and then there is the washing to take out of the machine. (Break here while I go and do it).

Planning

The secret to being productive is planning. I started the year with a fabulous planner and faithfully planned out whole months and then weeks of activity. For about half the year this worked well. I kept track of appointments (lots of them at hospitals), social events, birthdays and my blogging plans. But then life got busy, I took some paid work and things went wrong. I concentrated on the project (I did the planning) and got that done. I still managed to blog, but found it difficult to find the brain capacity for both. Next I went on holiday. Since then I’ve hardly planned anything other than in my head. Appointments are in the diary (often put there by Master), but blogging is more haphazard.

Multitasking in the way I have been doing lately is tiring. Keeping most plans in my head is crazy as I am not doing things in the right order. Plus I am forgetting important (though small) tasks.

Goal setting

When I finished work last year, I had all sorts of plans in mind. To have a prolonged break from the stress of the workplace. To travel and to write. I wanted to see if I could make money from writing. None of this stuff was written down, which is why I got the planner. But I hadn’t factored in the small issue of discovering I had breast cancer and requiring treatment and recovery from it.

Now though I am ready to set goals again and to plan the coming weeks and months. I have a new planner for 2020 and I am going to use it.

I’ve just listed to Molly and Kayla’s latest podcast about setting goals as well as other’s recently about planning and planners. So in theory I am ready. I have ideas I want to put in place, new exciting projects I want to embark on. This week I have found myself steaming ahead to do one of them, only to be stymied by internet problems. This led to multitasking in a way that is not efficient and fruitful as I tried to sort it out.

But while at a classical music event last night I worked out what I need to do (I find piano music particularly useful for this). Set goals and plan. Then do.

You see, as I said at the top, I can’t really multitask. I can barely do one thing at a time. So I will leave multitasking to those who can.

During the writing of this post I drank tea, put the washing into the tumble dryer, went in search of my laptop lead and checked a news story online. Plus chatted to Master who has just returned from the shop.

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The ceremonies of life

When I was slimmer my collar was a little big. I’d be happy if it was like this again!

Christenings, weddings, funerals and graduations have all been the ceremonies of my life. Christmas, even though I don’t go to church is a ceremony of its own. Over the years I’ve enjoyed them all. I still look back with fondness to my own wedding. I loved the day, being centre of attention. happy and in love. Marriage was much less fun than planning the wedding and living through the day.

Formal ceremonies

My favourite ceremonies with and for others though have been the ones involving my son. His christening at 6 months old, cute in his sailor suit. Family enjoying a sunny September afternoon in our garden. His school events, plays, nativity, fetes they were all ceremonial in their own way. The graduation – my son all grown up and smart in his gown, on the cusp of proper adult life. Then last Christmas his wedding. A really small and intimate affair, so different from my nuptials. A day though filled with laughter and a bride and groom who did things their own way. I loved every minute of that as much, if not more than my own.

His wedding allows me to concentrate on myself and my life with Master. I feel that the wedding ceremony is part of a bigger event. That he is now part of a new family, his own. One that will grow as, hopefully they have children in the future.

Collaring

This was a ceremony I didn’t expect to write about. But on the day that Master collared me, his slave I committed to him. Though this was not in front of other people. to bear witness, we made vows to live our lives in a certain way. I agreed to wear his collar, to be obedient and to provide service. In return he agreed to care for me and to be the best owner he could be.

4 years later and we have pretty much stuck to the vows we made to each other that night. Until I had surgery and then radiotherapy, I had rarely removed my collar. That titanium ring means as much to me as the ring I wore on my finger before.

However I do have the urge for another ceremony. I would like to affirm our commitment to each other in public, in front of my son, his wife and other very close family. But first I need to get round to divorce, get myself a new boob and make some plans. But it is something that hopefully we will do.

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Being a Leo

A female lion watched by a male

I’d like to say that I don’t believe a word of what is written about astrology and star signs. But I do. Being a Leo means I am a lion, the queen of the jungle. Apparently vivacious, theatrical and passionate. I would believe in astrology less if more of what I read about Leo’s were less true of me. You see, I really do like to be centre stage. And I like attention to be all about me. Unfortunately this has been one of the main problems in my life. You see, my mum is also a Leo.

My relationship with my mum

My mum has always put our challenging relationship down to the fact we are so similar. This is probably a genetic issue, we do look quite alike and I know I have similar mannerisms (though I hate to admit it). But there is something more to it and I think the problem is that we are both Leos. But worse than that our birthdays are one day apart. I can think of very few times when she has given way for me on the celebration front. She has conveniently forgotten on many occasions that I might like to celebrate my birthday too and not necessarily with her. The one occasion that she did put me first was when she held my nan’s funeral on her birthday rather than mine.

However my Leo mother is now 80 and I am 57, so there is nothing to do but live with our differences. The fact that she gets lonely is not only to do with the fact she wants people to put her first. But also because she is a widow and lives alone. Unfortunately she speaks first and thinks second and this has alienated her from people. Making her more lonely. However, she is my mum and I do love her and so where others stay away, I am unable to.

Leos and love

My ex husband is Libra, this is meant to be a good match for a Leo and in a way it was. He was happy for me to have the limelight. Happy to do things I wanted, so long as I got him to think that he had thought of it. But his main problem was his inability to make a decision. He hates to rock the boat and dislikes change. In the end, some of those traits drove me mad. Of course, his star sign had no bearing on me deciding to marry him. That would be stupid. Though I met a woman once who took a dislike to my husband because he was a Libra just like her ex. And that was without even knowing him.

Master is an Aries, as was Steve. Both are assertive. Steve might have been a bit more energetic (he was such a whirlwind at times he made me feel exhausted). Apparently for people born under Aries the seduction is worth more than the lay. This was true for Steve as he always seemed to be ticking off a bucket list. Once he had done them he moved on; he certainly did that with me.

Master and I are a much more compatible Aries / Leo combo. He is an attentive lover. We love and trust each other and I have no intention of allowing this to change. My problems with my ex were trust based and for me this is important.

It’s not the only thing to consider

While I am interested in the general traits that are attributed to the various star signs, I am not an avid watcher or believer in horoscopes. I believe it is possible, with a lot of information for someone who has knowledge of astrology, to make lifestyle predictions. But I don’t believe that the stuff peddled online or in newspapers is valid.

This is my horoscope for today:

Young visitors bring out the best in you today. Have you prepared some delicious food for your guests? When you want to, you can be a great host, keeping guests entertained and even enthralled. In return, they’re thoroughly enjoyable company. This should be a happy interlude for you since you like being sociable. You may receive a welcome delivery some time during the day, too.

Horoscope.com

It’s true I am a good host and like good company. I am sociable, but I wouldn’t wait in for visitors that don’t arrive on this basis. Or maybe I should have invited some random young people to visit! But the same page does say my love interest today is Aries and that of course is true. He is my love interest everyday.

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What do you see?

We love to observe the people around us and wonder about their lives. We often question whether those people even see us. The focus often seems to be each other or their phone. Indeed I wonder whether some people are aware of their surroundings at all. I like to watch people, I like that Master likes to watch me and I’m increasingly happy for people to see me at my most vulnerable.

Watch and see

There is nothing better than sitting outside a cafe, pub or restaurant and watching people walk past, sit down with friends or lovers. We often notice that one person monopolises the conversation, or we see friends that don’t interact unless they have something from their phone to see. We look at body language, are they lovers, is this the end of a relationship or are they on a first date. It is fascinating. But you know, I don’t think it is something everyone does. Indeed my own son told me off for discussing other diners with Master. “It isn’t kind” he said. Funny thing is I don’t believe we were being unkind, just seeing and observing.

Being observed

Sometimes, when I am dressing in the morning I will see Master looking at me. I’ll ask him what he is doing and he will say that he is looking at me. That he loves to look at me. That he enjoys my body. There was a time when I would have been embarrassed by this. Why does he want to look at me – an overweight, middle aged woman. But I am his lover, his slave and he loves me and my body. They body that he owns and possesses.

I think he sees a different me to the one I do when I look in the mirror. It is only when I look at photos like the one I posted for Sinful Sunday this week, that I realise. That I am able to see a little of what others do. That I am proud and happy. He is responsible, in no small part to the confidence I feel. And that is a great

Letting people see me

All of me. I wrote recently about our return to CMnf. I know people do look at each other there. Because people spoke to me about my body. I know that they like to watch the public play and that from that they may learn from each other. Or else it gives them the confidence to play in public too.

The first time I was very nervous. But now, I find I can shut out the people and things around me and settle into the moment. I am not worried I am being watched, in fact I really love it.

Kink clubs usually (for very good reasons), have a no phone rule. People are there to see and be seen. To meet up and chat. To play and to perform. That people are naked or dressed in fetish gear is part of the fun of those events. Their clothes, nakedness and demeanour is saying – look at me. Of course, we love to people watch there too. To wonder about them and their lives. Occasionally too we get to know others and find out the reality. And that’s what happened to us last time.

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A secret life

I guess I have always kept some part of myself hidden and so have had secrets. Of course once I started this journey as a submissive with men who were not my husband so the secrets became bigger. But even though my life with Master is there for all to see, there are still secrets.

The Food 4 Thought prompt this week is about secrets and the Wicked Wednesday one is about doing things out of character. I’m going to combine the two as I think that if some people knew the reality of aspects of my life they would think it out of character.

How we met

Master and I met on Alt.com. Back then it was easier to chat, though you tended to get hit on, a lot. I found a great chat room though and spent time there getting to know a few regulars. We played out scenes online which was thrilling and new to me. But we also chatted, in open and also privately. I’m pretty sure that my friends and family would consider this out of character. So when I am asked where we met, I say: online But if asked which site I try to be vague. I keep this secret, because I don’t think people would understand. Of course it is none of their business. We met, we started a relationship and now we live together.

Our lifestyle choices

It’s unlikely, though not impossible that we could bump into people we know at a munch or event. No one in my family, ex work colleagues or friends know that we pursue an alternative lifestyle. I would imagine that if I told my son or brother, say, that I am a slave they would laugh. After all I am known for my forthright views, for being vocal and being a bit of a control freak. We know that this doesn’t preclude me from giving up control to another. But frankly I am happy not to go there with them. I would also prefer them not to know I like to be spanked, that I sometimes dress up in leather clothes. Nor that I like to be restrained and that our sex is kinkier than most. These are secrets I keep from those I know.

My blog

It may come as no surprise to people that I have a blog. But I’m pretty sure no one would expect it to be about my lifestyle and contain photos of us naked. There was a time when I was frightened of my blog being discovered for fear of being outed. Especially in terms of my job. I remain careful about completely revealing my identity because I don’t want my family finding out.

At the beginning the blog was also a secret from my husband. I found it a useful place to write about our relationship so didn’t want him reading it. One day he discovered it, but is so inept at internet stuff that he wasn’t able to find it again. This I am happy about.

Is my lifestyle and blog really out of character

At one time it definitely was, but not any more. After all I have been living some kind of submissive life for over 7 years. I have been Master’s slave for over 5. But these are secrets that I keep from others because I don’t want them to become public knowledge. I don’t believe people would understand and since they affect us and not them I prefer to keep quiet.

The lies I tell are, generally small ones. Evasiveness about the events we go to and what we do there. But it would be great to be more open to say we went to a Munch rather than the pub with friends. That we attended Eroticon and met lots of like minded kinky folk who happen to write blogs and books. But sometimes the secret is better kept.

F4Thought
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Relationships

I’ve been thinking about the different relationships I have had in my life. That I don’t make friends easily and that those relationships often haven’t endured on more than a superficial level. I had few boyfriends before my husband, but then we started going out when I was 15. This means that I have had a sexual relationship with few men and no woman. But relationships with others are important to me and while living alone was ok, I prefer living as I do now.

Childhood friends

I struggled to make friends as a child. I am not sure why. I tried to have a birthday party once, but as my birthday is in August, no one could come. Or maybe they didn’t want to. My life at primary school wasn’t especially happy and the one friend I had moved away. However I did have friends in my street, mostly younger and I don’t remember holidays being particularly troublesome.

At secondary school things improved. I got together with another girl in my year and we were good friends for many years. I still have a number of other friends from school that I am still in contact with. I wouldn’t say I am close to any of them, but I do consider them friends.

When I was 18 I had a party and loads of friends came. Weird to think that was the first birthday party (other than family) that I ever had. Around that time there was a whole group of us that spent lots of time together, going to pubs, for meals and to parties. This lasted until we all started to marry and have children. But as I said I am still in touch with a few.

Boyfriends

My first real boyfriend was the man who became my husband. But before that I briefly saw two boys in my street. The first was my next door neighbour. We only ever went on one date together to the cinema. But we spent a lot of time talking and snogging in the alley behind our houses. He was the first person I let touch me and he had the first penis I ever touched. Then I briefly went out with a boy from over the road who took me bowling on his motorbike.

My mum forbade me from going on that bike, which was why I went. His mates and girlfriends were also there and we had a fun evening. He then asked me over to his house while his parents were away. But again his friends were there and we passed a boring evening as the conversation centred around biking. I didn’t rate his kissing abilities either so ended things.

Then another neighbour asked me out. He was a bit older (19 to my almost 16) and this time it felt right. We went out on our own, to a local youth club and met up with his friends as well as mine. This because a proper relationship and led eventually to marriage. He and I didn’t have PIV sex until I was 18, though we did plenty other stuff.

Family

My parents were both only children, but my nan was one of 9. My brothers and I had loads of cousins that we spent time with as we grew up. These relationships have endured more than some of my friendships and I consider some of those cousins to be friends.

The bond between me and my brothers strengthened once we all married and had children. We holidayed with both families, though not all together. We socialised together a lot and often my parents and my nan were present. For around 10 years our social life centred around those relationships until my brothers marriages broke up one after the other. I remain friendly with both sisters in law, but I don’t see them often.

Since my dad died and my mum moved to be closer to the elder of my two brothers, he and I have become close again. They are probably the only people Master and I regularly socialise with other then my son and his wife.

Work

I’ve been friends with many work colleagues over the years, but those relationships have rarely endured us going our separate ways. My work friendships have been much like my school ones. Though social media helps keep some contact with people.

Online relatonships

Around the time we got our first computer at home, I had started to get bored with my life. I’ve written quite a bit about my relationship with my husband, you can read about it here. Soon I learned about internet chat rooms and began to chat with both men and women. It was quite a time though before I met anyone I chatted to, but whenI did there was some romance and then non PIV sex involved. I don’t feel particularly proud about cheating on my husband in this way. But at the time |I was looking for excitement and also to find out if I had missed out on anything. It turned out I had.

In April 2012 I met S online (read more here) and that was a catalyst for massive changes in my life. Those changes led directly to me meeting Master and ending up where we are now.

Looking back

I’m really a very self contained person who is happy in her own company. But I do need the opportunity to be with other people. I am a little sad that many of my friendships haven’t endured. But perhaps I haven’t been brilliant at putting in the effort. Though of course this is a two way process.

My romantic and sexual relationships have been few. But the important ones endured and I’ll be perfectly happy if I don’t need another one. This relationship is hopefully for life.

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New experiences

It isn’t often these days that we do something new, when it comes to our dynamic. We’re often talking about going to a new club or trying a new munch, but we are creatures of habit. Though we don’t even go to the same munch every month since we also enjoy social events outside of our kink life. But last week we really did something new. We went to visit some kinksters we met last month at CMnf.

Following that meeting I went off to Cyprus with my mum. While I was away, Master got chatting with the two female subs and male Dom. I didn’t join in at the time, but Master relayed the conversations to me and before I knew it a play date had been arranged.

The two girls have a self built play room at the end of their garden and invited us along. I was both excited and apprehensive about the experience. Up to now I have only been to one club, otherwise we have always played in private. Public play feels a safe way to show my exhibitionist side. But the opportunity to experience something new wasn’t something I could turn down.

Last Tuesday we set off mid rush hour for the journey to their place, which turned out to be in the middle of nowhere. They have a huge garden and its easy to see why they would want to build such a fun place there. From the outside it looks like a big shed, or small garage. But inside it is kitted out with lots of fabulous equipment. Master took along his ‘tool kit’ including the floggers that had started our conversation at CMnf.

The play party

Within minutes of arriving all three of us subs were stripped and tied to or bent over some restraining equipment (cross, bench, stocks). Thankfully I was offered the bench which is my preference. Blindfolded I soon settled into my own rhythm and both Doms took it in turns to use their impact toys on us. Space was limited, so we were closer together than usual. But that added to the fun and games. Because we could hear the impact and also what was being said.

Protocol in our relationship has slipped over time. I don’t always thank Master for hitting me, and I can be a little bratty. But I did remember to call him Master and be as respectful as possible to both Doms. I admit that the other two girls were better behaved and it did make me think about my own behaviour.

Thoughts on group play

I enjoy impact play, but it certainly doesn’t drive me or our dynamic. We don’t do it regularly and these days practically never at home. It’s strange really because we have a playroom, but don’t think to use it much.

The new experience of being in private, but with others was, as I had hoped, exciting. I admit I preferred this encounter to the idea of meeting up for a sexual event, such as happened when I was with S.

Both Master and the other Dom stroked and touched me, but that was as far as it went. I think that was where some of my anxiety before hand was bound. Instead I was able to get off on hearing the squeals and cries of the others. Plus the running commentary of the two Doms. We all feel pain differently and our relationships are different, and for me, an observer of people and human behaviour it was enlightening. But incase you think I was in anthropology mode, I wasn’t especially aware I was taking notice at the time.

Time to go home

After play our hosts provided some welcome food and drink and we all sat chatting and getting to know each other better. Intrerestingly us subs were naked and the men clothed, but since we met that way it didn’t feel odd. The great thing is we were able to discuss topics that you wouldn’t usually talk about with people you hardly know. But maybe that is part of what we kinky people do. Or maybe it was because we were naked. Or because we had been part of such a fun experience.

Sadly, it was soon time to leave, our journey home was just over an hour and all too soon we were tucked in bed reminiscing the evening. We have been in touch since and hope to meet up at the club again in December. I hope too that we get to visit our new friends in the not too distant future.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Me and my camera

I got my first camera for Christmas when I was about 11. I loved going around taking everyone’s picture. It was just a shame that when I got my first film back from the printers the photos weren’t as good as I’d remembered.

Cameras with film

That was the whole problem, but also the exciting thing about cameras with film. You had to take 12, 24 or 36 photos before you knew how they turned out. So often you took 2 or 3 at a time to ‘make sure’. The film also had to be sent away, either by post or from a chemist shop. This made the thrill of getting that envelope of pictures all the more exciting (or disappointing).

During most of my teenage and early adult life I used my camera for photos of people. Generally family and friends – Christmas, birthdays, holidays. Months would go by between and so when they were developed the results could span the year. Once my son arrived however, I didn’t hold back.

I photographed his every move, smile, milestone. In that pre-social media world sharing baby photos had to be done physically. My nan used to steal so many of my photos of her great grand children that I resorted to getting two sets of prints developed.

Going digital

I bought my first digital camera while on holiday in the Canary Islands as they were cheaper there. Oh the joy of being able to see the results on a little screen. By then I wasn’t only taking photos of my family, but also views of the places we visited. Plus animals, insects and flowers.

The great thing about the digital camera was that you could remove the memory card, pop into Boots (or another high street outlet) and get the photos developed. To begin with I think it still took a few days, but eventually you could have them in an hour! What an absolute treat.

Too many prints

When I moved last year I landed up with all of our family photos from the past 30 years. My ex didn’t want any of them, mind you he subsequently ended up owning all of his parent’s photos. Though I believe he has thrown away many of them. I am more sentimental than that and can’t bear to do the same. But I know I need to go through the boxes sometime soon and sort and cull some.

Other than photos from my son’s wedding I haven’t had anything printed up for years. I have a photo on the fireplace and I gave my mum another two. The others I chose and paid for are stored in my computer files. My son and daughter in law presented me with a book of their photos for my birthday and so I have that too. Printing photos isn’t something people do very often any more.

A change of scenery
Me on the stairs in Seville showing my tits. I have pulley's my top up and bra down.
A typical exhibitionist photo from our collection!

Before I met Master there were a few photos of me naked or semi naked. Most taken by me with my camera or latterly phone. Now there are many. He loves to photograph me while we play. But also he likes me to pose for him naked, semi clothed or dressed in something fetishy. I have also taken to photographing him and he seems to like it too. He is something of an exhibitionist.

I think that having those photos taken has helped me accept my own body as beautiful as well as to change my view of the human body. I much prefer people with interesting bodies, like mine. By that I mean not models but those who are ordinary people willing to show that our non perfect bodies are not only normal but beautiful.

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be showing photos of me naked on a blog online I would have laughed in your face. But of course that is what I do most weeks thanks to memes like Sinful Sunday and February Photofest. What’s more, I love it.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked