Blogging A-Z Challenge: P

P is for porn

I am not a massive consumer of porn and generally feed my desires through books, blogs, twitter and tumblr. For me the written word is as much as a turn on as pictures and videos. I don’t always need to see a visual image to be aroused by it. I love good erotic fiction, short stories on blogs or longer ones I can read on my kindle app.

Books and novelettes

There are so many wonderful erotic books around, thanks perhaps to kindle and other e-readers. Also, dare I say it to the mainstreaming of kink through 50 shades of Grey, though I only managed part of the first book myself. I particularly like BDSM related books, and prefer they are at least a couple of hundred pages in length. Fiction needs to be more than rich man meets young skinny girl and leads her into kinky ways. A kind of naughty Mills and Boone romance. More substance and realism is required. This means that finding a good read that is also kinky is a challenge, though not one that is insurmountable.

Blogs and twitter

Blogs were the medium through which I learned about BDSM, M/s relationships and kink in general. Kink related blogs led me to start my own almost exactly 5 years ago. I particularly like to read factual encounters and experiences, but also admire the great fiction bloggers write. Erotic photography is something I am quite new to, and have to admit that I enjoy looking at and taking some more pornographic photos. Master loves to both take and look at them too, and this is something we can do together. Participation in Sinful Sunday and February Photofest has certainly helped.

As I grow my twitter community, both in terms of who I follow and those that follow me, I enjoy it more and more. I love that I can find new blogs and websites through posted links.  Most of this is pretty soft porn though and is really what I prefer.

Tumblr

Some porn pictures can be quite a turn off, especially the really fake stuff on Tumblr. Women pretending they are tied up and gagged. Men in suits with some blond bit of stuff, naked between their legs. But with a bit of perseverance you can find some extremely raunchy and real stuff to view. Again I keep my porn reasonably soft, though towards the BDSM end. Restraint, control, impact play and submissive acts turn me on.

Sadly I don’t know how much longer I will be able to participate in this kind of pornography, since moves are afoot to make some of the things I like to read and view illegal. But till then I will continue to get my thrills the way I do.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: O

O is for orgasm

I love to orgasm, who doesn’t? When it comes to permission to cum, it is rare that this is not granted. More and more, I need to be told to cum before I can. This can offer some difficulties when alone. But then again I am not all that bothered, since I prefer him there. Self mastibation is not something I do very often these days.

The ratio of me to him experiencing orgasm during sex or masturbation is probably about 7 or 8 to 1 in  my favour. Possibly even more. Once he gets going with his fingers or tongue he loves to make me cum multiple times.

Unusually this holiday I haven’t had many orgasms, possibly 3 or 4 and he has had two. Unlike most people (I imagine), we don’t always have lots of sex while away. Something to do with how busy we usually are, I think. Time in bed is often spent sleeping and then we have to rush to get out to do or see something. This holiday I have definitely needed to catch up on sleep and for some reason my libido is a bit down right now. He though is feeling particularly horny and so is demanding more sex, but for him rather than me.

This morning the ratio was 1 to 0 in his favour. I  showered and came back to bed in the fluffy white hotel bathrobe. He asked if I would like to stroke his cock while he looked at some porn. I settled in next to him happily. A few minutes later though he said he needed to have sex with his girl. I removed the and not long afterwards as I stroked my own nipples for him, he came inside me.

I am sure though, that it won’t be long before the normal orgasm ratio returns. We head home on Thursday.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: K

K is for kneeling

There is something wonderful about kneeling. As a submissive, I want opportunities to demonstrate who and what I am. Kneeling is one of those. But kneeling on its own is somehow not enough. I need to be naked while I kneel before him, while he is clothed. Opportunities like that don’t come along every day, but when they do they should be taken and enjoyed.

The only real problem is that this older submissive has knees that don’t really like kneeling. Plus a back which gets stiff easily. Getting down onto the floor to kneel is easily, getting back up is another thing entirely.

So while I love the idea of kneeling and jump at the chance to do so. It isn’t something I can do for long periods of time. Luckily this submissive doesn’t have a dominant who insists I spend my life kneeling. Though he too loves it when I do. Kneeling on the bed however is a whole different pursuit entirely. Especially when clamps are attached to your labia and your ankles  secured to a spreader bar. But then that is a different story too

Blogging A-Z Challenge: H

H is for Hair

This H is for hair of the pubic variety. When we met, my pubic hair was shaved. This was something that S had demanded of me and I had complied with. However, hair grows easily and quickly around my genital area.

Within a few months of our meeting Master requested I grow my pubic hair. It took a surprising amount of time to grow back, but now it is as unruly as it ever was. What he loves most is to shave it himself, trimming the length and then shaping it as he wishes. From this picture, there is a need for some shaping quite soon.

This photo was taken at our recent play session in the dungeon. The weights hanging from my labia deserve another post. Erotic and a complete turn on, they will get their own post.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: G

G is for Girl

This girl’s given name is girl. Just 2 weeks after Master and I met, I wrote this post. At that time I was sceptical that referring to myself in the third person was something I could get used to. Let alone that doing so would have an influence on my submission. But I was a novice back then, not that I knew it since I thought I knew everything about D/s. The learning curve was steep but I was an eager student.

In those early days, to get used to referring to myself as ‘this girl’ I began to write my posts in the third person. It is only recently that I have reverted, though in many ways prefer writing as this girl. When we have sex, or when we are playing I don’t just refer to myself as this girl, I am she. It is my name, my identity, my slave persona. The rest of the time it is an undercurrent to my life. Master rarely uses my real name, and has admitted that sometimes he has to think about what it is. I usually call him Master, since that is who he is to me. Unless I am speaking to someone else about him, and even then I have sometimes let slip.

Illeism – the act of referring to oneself in the third person

Much more common in literature than in real life, illeism is I think an interesting concept. It distances you from your own individual self and places you in  secondary place to the other. In a power exchange relationship, being required to refer to myself in that way makes me consider each sentence I utter. It makes me think about my place as his slave, my role and function.

Of course, I don’t go around speaking in the third person all the time, for example at work or with family. That would be considered a bit on the weird side. Nor do I do so all of the time Master and I are together. But there are times when I would never refer to myself as I with him. We both know when they are and that is a rule I tend not to break.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: F

F is for Fucking Machines

My very first experience of these machines took place last Friday at the Secret Dungeon. I have been intrigued about these mechanical contraptions for a long time. Indeed, long before I really knew kink or BDSM interested me. Long before I actually explored that side of myself. My ex used to watch some very interesting programmes on an old satellite channel called Men and Motors. I used to pretend I was doing other stuff like reading or surfing the net, while secretly watching. I have a recollection of seeing such machines on one of those shows, but never imagined I would see one in real life. Much less actually try it out. 

This is a Sybian, and the photo is of the real machine that I sat on and fucked by. The controls apparently make the dildo move in an optimum way for a woman to orgasm. Inserted inside of me one of the controls allowed it to rotate and the other to move from side to side. At the front the rubber was ribbed, and so if you leaned forward, it also stimulated the clitoris.

This is a piece of equipment I think I could get to enjoy on a regular basis. Sadly though they are expensive, apparently about £1000. Interestingly I didn’t actually cum, for reasons explained the other day. Without permission, and Master was busy preparing more of his toys for my pleasure while I tried it, I seem unable to do so. I certainly had the feeling though that this was something that another time could make me squirt.

The other machine, which I don’t have a photo of, but was a bit like this, had a dildo attached to a pole. When you lay down, in position and turned on, it rhythmically moved backwards and forwards. Interestingly it made its way straight into my anus rather than my vagina! This in itself was interesting and what’s more was an amazing turn on. There was another separate dildo which could be used to give the victim double penetration.

All in all, an amazing experience and one definitely I want to repeat

Blogging A-Z Challenge: D

D is for Dungeon

It would be true to say that until last weekend my dungeon experience was zero. Save of course, the real life underground places found in medieval castles. Cold, and bleak the castle dungeon was the place prisoners were tortured and kept until they died. This is the kind of environment often depicted in BDSM stories and tumblr films; a modern torture chamber.

Our overnight stay for Master’s birthday last Friday, took place in the converted lower level of a suburban house. The window blinds visible from outside hide the warm, red interior. Most of the ground floor of the house was a large single room containing seats, benches, hoists, and a range of toys and equipment. At the far end, a four-poster bed with red bedding. No ordinary four poster bed, the rings attached to the frame were ready to take the chains and cuffs of bondage. What is more, there was a mirrored ceiling, perfect for both the eexhibitionist and voyeur.

But this wasn’t just a room for play, torture and fun. There was also a well equipped kitchen, spacious bathroom and outside a hot tub. While our stay was to celebrate his birthday, and he certainly enjoyed himself, it was also a place of exploration for me, his slave.

Friday night contained many firsts; of being tied to a St Georges cross, of being secured to a spanking bench, of trying those mechanical fucking machines. Flogged, slapped, stroked, fucked and for much of the time wearing the hood. Mirrors strategically placed meant that even through the small eye holes I could see his excitement and he chose the next implement with which to beat me. Plus the succession of porn movies showing on the TV screen. Sensory overload was inevitable.

The hot tub was wonderful, we used it soon after arrival and the following morning. The heat of the tub, combined with the cold of the spring air was amazing. We took food for dinner with us and enjoyed a kind of semi naked picnic, complete with sparkling wine. The fridge stocked with soft drinks and snacks meant we could keep ourselves hydrated.

A million miles from the cold, dark vision of a dungeon. This warm, red place was perfect. The Secret Dungeon. We emerged the following morning full of endorphins and I was deliciously sore. What more can a girl ask for?

Blogging A-Z Challenge: B

B is for Butt Plug

I feel compelled to write about this humble device since I have been remiss in its use. Over the past months year or so, I have probably worn either of my two plugs a handful of times. This is in contrast to the agreement we have which states I will wear a plug for two nights a week.

I own two metal njoy plugs. I love the cool, smooth feel of the metal. The arousal that often floods over me as it is gently pushed past my anal sphincter and into place.  I love the feel of heaviness, particularly the larger one. The fact that I am aware of it as I move around or turn over in bed. Then there is the knowledge that this plus will keep my arse ready for Master when he decides to make use of me.

If I love the feel of my plug, why don’t I wear it? The answer is probably one of general laziness. Of being unorganised during the evening so that it is no longer part of my routine. The result though is that I seem to have lost something of my body’s readiness to accept him. Recent attempts at anal sex have been unsuccessful. Part of this seems about being able to find the right position, and something about Master’s erection. But in the main, it has to do with my lack of preparation.

I have realised that if we are to enjoy this element of our sex life going forward, I need to reintroduce the butt plug to my routine. I need spend some time, after clearing up from dinner to preparation for the night. After all, it isn’t that there isn’t time during an evening where I am alone in the house.

B is for Butt Plugs and I need to rediscover mine.

SCC Writing #228 – This life

Much of the literature I had read before embarking on a D/s relationship was fictional. While very hot, this kind of writing tends to be more about play and kinky sex than real life. It wasn’t really until I was starting my D/s journey with S and subsequently with Master that I read more widely.

What I gleaned from those ‘manuals’ of submission and slavery is that all relationships are different. That concepts of ownership, service, obedience and worship can be interpreted along a continuum. Just how strictly these apply depends upon the wishes and needs of the individuals. I think that Master and I like the idea of a relationship that interprets my slavery further towards the strict Master and compliant slave. But life needs to be more low maintenance than that for us both.

What is more, no relationship can sustain those first flushes of new excitement. Of constant arousal, discovering each other’s bodies, of pushing and testing limits. M/s for us right now is much more low key, perhaps an undercurrent to our lives rather than something that is overtly visible to others.

Having said all of that, we have let things slip a bit. There are rules, and expectations. Some are always followed and others really are not. We have discussed recently that we need to rediscover exactly what it is we both need from the M/s element of our relationship.

It is the very fact that we can and do communicate with each other about our relationship in its broadest sense as well as these specific elements, that feels different. We can and do discuss everything – we look back and analyse events and feelings and we make plans for the future. Those future plans involve mundane everyday things like me preparing my house for sale and him cleaning space for me to move in. They also include us thinking about ways in which we can better take account of His need to dominate me and mine to submit to Him. We often surprise each other. This might be by Him tell me He is about to pee on me in the shower, or perhaps I strip and kneel before Him, unprompted.

Life is no more like the fictional accounts of erotica that I often read than it is a manual of slavery. I would prefer to think that we are writing our own story as we journey though our life together.