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Don’t try to break me down

CW This post discusses issues of consent non consent (CNC) within fiction and real life relationships

This week’s no true way is about the concept that a dominant needs to break their submissive down. Supposedly so they then become the submissive of the dominant’s dreams.

This is pretty much the premise of quite a lot of the Master / slave erotic fiction out there. Some of that breaking down is pretty extreme and issues of consent flexible to say the least. Having said that I go through phases of reading that kind of fiction. Something, I think to do with the fact that I like my fantasies to be a little more extreme than my reality.

My fantasies

When I need to get a little More in touch with my slave slide and lose myself in the fantasy of what that might mean I look for a certain type of fiction. These can be a little (or even very) extreme versions of what my life as a slave within a M/s relationship looks like. They may involve abduction and keeping the slave in risky and unpleasant conditions. Or extreme training techniques designed to break the slave down. Then hopefully the Master builds them up again into the slave either they want or someone else will be able to use for their pleasure.

When I read these books I am happy to leave my own situation at the door, since I don’t really believe this would be healthy in reality. It’s a way of imagining what some of these practices might be like and how they would make me into that amazing slave I desire to be. In those fantasies I am slim, so can be easily lifted by my master, I can kneel before him and stay there for hours. What’s more I am obedient and expect to be punished for the slightest infraction. The reality of course is a little different.


The reality is normal life involves mundane everyday activities and responsibilities. Any slave training, and Master believes he has trained his slave, takes place outside of these. Time is set aside for play, visits to kink clubs etc. Thankfully these will be restarting pretty soon. They are the times we can live out a bit of fantasy but without it getting too extreme. The rest of the time we are busy carrying on with our lives like everyone else.

True there are differences to our relationship. I do as I am told (in the main), but not necessarily without discussion. There is little in the way of incursion or punishment, that isn’t his style. I ask his opinion on everyday activities and also ask whether I should so certain things or not. His decision is final but all of this continues within the parameter of our normal existence.

Master has never sought to break me down. I doubt the end result would have been good, if he had tried. He believes he has trained and moulded me to be the slave he wants and I’m happy with that, but I was never broken and wouldn’t want to be. For me that would feel like abuse as I wouldn’t consent. I have freely given up my kink limits to Master and he doesn’t need to seek my consent for them. But that doesn’t mean I give up my rights as a human.

7 thoughts on “Don’t try to break me down”

  1. I love that you share that your M/s dynamic also involves the mundane. When people think of 24/7 it’s generally seen as the dubious-consent erotica we seem to both read.

    I’m with you, in that Sir never broke me down. But when he and I met I was already broken, and he’s worked tirelessly to encourage me to fill out the skin I’m in and see my own potential. I do see D-types trying to break their submissive partners and it fills me with dread. But I’m aware I see that through the eyes of a woman who was formerly abuse and broken non-consensually. Or perhaps as a strong, independent and bloody minded who fears for the dominant in question if he ever tried that with me 😉

    Thank you for sharing this post Julie, it’s always a pleasure to glimpse inside your relationship. N x

  2. Very much like you, there is a gap between fiction and reality.
    Things I read or fantasies about and what happens in real life are so very different. I guess, the important thing is to remember that fiction is OK to enjoy, but not forget reality!

    Thank you

  3. I’m rereading things I have obviously read before.
    I wanted to comment something I was told in the beginning of this journey (about 9.5 years ago) .

    Anyone can break another human being down, so they have the skills to build them back.

    I have always been one who speaks my mind, not sure why I didn’t write this the first time around.

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