It was a major surprise to me when I discovered that being called a slut or even whore turned me on. There I was a woman approaching 50 who suddenly got very aroused and wet at being humiliated. Looking back at the situations I found myself in, gives me a thrill even today.
My first Dom, Steve was really into humiliation and degradation and it became a big feature of our relationship. Indeed on the first date I met him in a bar wearing clothes I wouldn’t normally be seen dead in. Numerous times since then I’ve gone through with requests or orders that I never previously would have.
I think that my sexual liberation in later life has something to do with it. All the years of repression, of conforming to societies norms. Not doing things that might be embarrassing. Turned on their head in the spring and summer of 2012. The emergence of subjoolz (as I was known as then).
This blog is full of occasions where I went out barely dressed, wearing crazy heels and stockings. Where I exposed myself to my dominant and got called a slut for it. These were followed by amazing sex, usually back at his place, but occasionally in public places. Though generally discretely hidden. The very acts of slutty behaviour, plus his goading got me beyond hot and bothered. Damn I had the time of my life while it lasted.
The rituals associated with our meetings excited me. I travelled to him for most of our meetings, usually wearing something provocative. When I arrived I would kneel before him while he put a leather dog collar around my neck and then I would suck his cock. There was something satisfying about feeling his hands pulling my hair, telling me I was a slut while I sucked on him. Even though it felt I was being humiliated, it was definitely good training.
I struggled with my feelings, wondering how I could enjoy such a humiliating experience, while at the same time feeling thrilled. To be so sexually attractive to a man aroused me enough, without the realities of getting fucked so thoroughly during my visits. with no one but him to speak to about my experiences, this blog became an outlet.
My feelings now
I’m glad that I’ve moved on. While those days were exciting, an adrenalin fuelled frenzy. They were interspersed with weeks of nothing, the product of a long distance relationship. It was fun, but to be frank couldn’t have lasted. Master has a much more subtle approach to humiliation and BDSM in general. Better for a long term relationship. I love to go our without panties under my dress, to wear a butt plug that could dislodge and fall to the floor in public. I used to love the feeling of no underwear, but sadly the no bra thing is less easy now.
Master loves me to call him Lord as well as is usual Master. His use of the third person term – this girl and his insistence that I use that to describe myself haven’t always tripped easily off the tongue and still don’t. More humiliating is when Master decides he should pee on me or me him. Though this doesn’t occur as often as at the beginning he certainly has his moments.
Public play and also being naked while he is clothed in a public place started off humiliating, but over time becomes less so.
Perhaps conditioning and acceptance of new realities help, I’m not sure. But the reason I look back fondly on the days of being humiliated by Steve, as difficult as they sometimes were, are because they have certainly helped me be the less inhibited person I am today.
I can see the draw. It definitely takes you out of yourself and forces you to go places you wouldn’t otherwise. That can be freeing. I like it when He calls me names and uses me. For just that reason. I stop being me and start just being a body.
It was really interesting to read your thoughts on your journey from the beginning to where you are now. For me, being called slut or whore only works to fuel my lust when it’s precluded by ‘MY’ or “Daddy’s”… i think i need to feel i belong to him for it to work.
I get that. These days I am clearly focused on who I do those things for. Times have changed. I found an early page where you talked about how this stuff wasn’t for you. I’ll have to look it out.