Packing

This is in the main a sex and  lifestyle blog but I am going to make no excuses for the fact that over the next few weeks much navel gazing will take place. I have around four weeks before I move from my home of 27 years and my emotions are a little raw. This post marks the fact I have begun the packing process.

I began to prepare for this moment last year. A fair amount of decluttering took place, but I like to keep some things close to me. Personal things that define me, my life and the family we have been. These include books, photos and CDs. Even though my entire catalogue of music is held on iTunes, I also have most of it in CD. There is music I have deleted from that collection because it might have been hubby’s preference but certainly not mine. It turns out that deleting digital records are less meaningful than giving up a CD.

It feels as if I am starting with the most difficult things first. Emotionally that is. for practical reasons I am beginning with the things i don’t physically need but tonight realised that this packing lark isn’t as straight forward as I imagined.

I have placed our photo albums and packets of photos in a pile. Much of that isn’t online anywhere and we will need to discuss who owns what. The CDs felt like an easy place to start. To some extent it is, he loves Motown, Whitney Houston, Barry White and so on. I have tastes that include The Beautiful South, REM and Robbie Williams. But there is significant overlap and so as I packed CDs I became incrementally indecisive.

Of course, he might decide that he wants none of the CDs, he may want to let me take all of our photos. There are books that I know belong to him, including some from childhood. Maybe he won’t want them either. Time will tell.

I might have been a little blasé about moving on from my marriage. After all, we have had enough time to think about it. But these decisions about who owns what will carry through to the bitter and. And we haven’t even got to the difficult stuff yet!

Release

The photo for this week’s wicked Wednesday feels very poignant and so I am using it here. After 6 years of writing my blog, of sometimes living a lie but mostly waiting I will soon be free. A butterfly about to be released, to fly away.

My husband was unfaithful to me within 2 or 3 years of our marriage. A relationship that continued for 7 years. After I found out and came to terms with the reality. After also the decision was  made to continue with the marriage I made a deal with myself. Essentially I decided if, by the time my son (who was about 3 or 4 at the time) had grown up, I wasn’t happy, I would leave the marriage. For many years I forgot about it and just lived in the moment, it wasn’t as if we were always unhappy because we weren’t.

But the memories sat on my shoulder and every now and then something happened or words were spoken that reminded me. And one day soon after my son, now grown up, left for university I realised that the time had come.

I felt trapped. The good daughter wife and mother who realised she was living a lie.

Fast forward

Today, about 7 years later and 5 since I was first unfaithful to my husband I am preparing to break free. At last.

If I had my life over again I would do things differently, maybe.

I stayed in the marriage because I thought it was the right thing for my son and because I was scared. It took me years to build the confidence to explore and to become the person I am. Maybe too, the person I needed to be with also had to be in the right place, right time.

Within a month I will have moved from my home of 27 years. I will be with my lover, my Master, the man I want to be with. In 9 weeks I will have left my job and have some space, to be me.

Meantime there is a lot to do. Life is going to be busy and tiring. I am probably going to struggle to cope and will probably say and do things that might later be regretted. Though I hope not.

It is time for me to be me. The future beckons and if I just flap my wings enough I will be that butterfly with the wind in her wings. Ready to land in my new home. With Master.

Footnote:

This came up on my repeat posts on Twitter today. Looking back defining moment

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

On display

As the red velvet curtains opened, the stage  slowly revolved.  The slave’s limbs were firmly secured to a St Andrew’s Cross by fur lined leather cuffs. Her mouth filled with a ball gag secured behind her head. With wide eyes focused on her audience, her mind flashed back an hour.

Master had led her on a leash, naked into the small empty theatre. This place reminiscent of a venue they had visited on her birthday.  A circular stage surrounded by 20-30 seats they had sat in the midst of the action. The actors had weaved in and out of the audience making it an intimate, immersive experience. This was how the idea had formed in Master’s mind.

Now though, the seats were filled with smartly dressed men and women, the Dominants. At their feet an equal number of naked submissive people. As the stage slowly rotated and slave realised she knew everyone. Some were mere acquaintances and others true special friends to them both.

Master stepped up to the applause of the group and approached his slave. Tears filled her eyes as he began to stroke her with the fingers of both hands. Starting at her shoulders, moving down her arms, onto her tummy, up to her breasts, circling the nipples. Finally he placed the fingers of his left hand between her legs and stroked the wet, throbbing pussy then leant down to suck her right nipple. She squirmed, bucking her hips towards his fingers. The stage stopped moving.

Standing up he leaned towards her left ear and whispered.

“Darling slave girl, your fantasies are about to be realised” Spit filled her mouth as she tried to speak, to ask what he meant. He grinned and took a vibrating wand in his hand and pushed it into her throbbing pussy and beckoned to a man in the audience. He in turn nodded to the girl at his feet and she stood up, walked purposefully to the stage, stepped up and as previously instructed dropped to her knees.

Master removed the wand and the girl crawled close to the slave. She leaned up and her tongue circled the clitoris of her subject. Slave’s juices began to gush forth, only to be lapped up.

Slave focused on her grinning Master and nodded. Whatever her resovations, Master knew just what she needed.  On display, secured to the cross, her previously identified boundaries pushed to the limit. Safe in the knowledge that they shared a secret safe code she nodded again.

Master turned away and invited their friend Ross to take up a flogger and begin the show.
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The right track

This week’s wicked Wednesday prompt is conviction. If my brain was working as maybe it ought to then I’d write some smutty and horny story about a convict. But instead it is a little weary from posting 31 times in April. The blogging A-Z kind of took it out of me. As usual I failed to plan and was often playing catch up. Sometimes there was a kink related theme, but often not. Interestingly I found the former easier to think about and deal with. A lesson for the future. Back to today though. Conviction in this case is about knowing I am actually on the right track with life and relationships.

Me and us

Our sex life is revitalised. Master seems to be over his shoulder problems, but more than that we have worked out ways of having sex without putting pressure on it. It’s taken us ages to realise that sex (at least at the beginning of a session) works better on our sides. For me, it seems to help with some of the pain issues I was having on penetration and for him his shoulder pain. Once we get going, then a variety of positions is possible. It is adding to Master’s confidence again and so our sex life. We are definitely on the right track. Next, hopefully our kink and play time will also be revitalised. Part of that has been about winter, cold weather and lack of opportunity. Which leads me onto the next exciting development.

Next chapter

Within the next month I will have resigned my job. I have told my boss and started to prepare to recruit a successor. I need to give 3 months notice and plan to leave at the end of August. This decision has been made because I recognise the emotional strain I am going to be under over the coming months. The house move / swap is now on and I will be moving out and my ex and his partner moving in. My half of the house will be sold to her and I will move in with Master. At last I am in the process of instructing a solicitor to proceed with he sale.

I would be naive to believe this wouldn’t be stressful. I have lived here for 27 years. It was our family home and it will be a strain to leave. But my future awaits me and our future awaits us. We are definitely on the right track. Updates to follow.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Blogging A-Z 2018: T and U

First day back from holiday and suddenly yesterday I had lost my blogging mojo. The discovery that I am shadow banned on Twitter just added to my apathy.

Twitter

Somehow over the past couple of years I have become more and more engaged with Twitter as a social media platform. I find myself going there when I wake and again many times during the day. My posts auto tweet and during the day a couple of older posts appear. Some days I tweet quite a bit, engaging with others and other times not.

I have no way of knowing whether this behaviour alone has led to Twitter taking against me or if it is the photos. After all, the photo below, which appeared as part of my post on Sunday is pretty graphic. But since Twitter don’t admit shadow banning is even a thing, all I can do is surmise. Still it will make my SoSS all the more pertinent this week.

Undertake

Finally I am in a position to realise my objectives. At last, after more than 4 years of talking about selling my house and moving on from my marriage it is in touching distance.

Now, the hard work must be undertaken. What to throw away, what to put into storage, what to take with me. Master has cleared out a lot of clutter, but there is still work to be done. Also, he is planning some building work, so I can’t take all of my belongings straight there. Plus there is the emotional attachment I have to this house, I have lived here for 27 years. We moved here when my son was a baby of just 5 months and so there are lots of memories here.

But now is the time to move on and to create a new home, one with Master. We will both need to adapt to our new life and to make room for each other. But it will mean we can be together and can start to plan some new plans and work on those outcomes. It also means I am going to resign my job soon and take a breather. The next few months will be emotional, but interesting and fun too.

Offered and taken

In my April A-Z post for O the other day, I wrote about offering myself to Master. As we arrived back from the pub last weekend Master took the photo shown in the post as I offered myself to him.

Next I stripped off and kneeled before him. He then took was is his.

 

 

Sinful Sunday

Blogging A-Z 2018: O

We are currently on holiday in Spain and so the next few days posts will have a relaxed, holiday type feel to them. Situated in Seville, where the Feria is currently taking place. We have already seen the girls and women in their flamenco finery. The men in suits and the horsemen in their sombreros. I’m hoping that I can be creative with this week’s letters to suit.

O is for offered

Since I haven’t yet created the material for those posts, today’s is about what is offered to Master.

During the usual day to day life we lead, it is easy to forget who I am to him. Rushing about being the manager at work, or the daughter to my mum, takes its toll. But there are quiet times when we are alone and I am reminded. Times when I remember to offer myself to him. Generally when my body is offered, he takes it. The photo below demonstrates the offer and Sunday’s Sinful Sunday will show what was taken. Come back Sunday (when we will be travelling home) to see.

 

Blogging A-Z 2018: N

Naked

He likes to see me without clothing, naked so he can look, admire, touch and to feel. I struggle with my own nakedness in a place that isn’t bed. Indeed for many years I didn’t even go to bed naked. When my son was small and I got up to him at night, but also before that and afterwards.

These past years, since I have known Master though my confidence at being naked has grown. I wander around the house naked, but then often I am alone there. In front of him too I rarely cover myself before dressing, except perhaps in a towel.

I know he would like to see more of the undressed me. He would like me to sit beside him on the sofa, naked while he is dressed. He would like me to go about my house work, perhaps some nude cooking. But something stops me from taking that final step. Partly it is the weather, even with heating it can feel cold in the house. But mostly it is because of my own image of my body.

I am all for being body positive, unless that body belongs to me. I have recently gained much of the weight I have previously lost. The cause is something of a mystery, other than I clearly eat more calories than I burn off. I plan to try to rectify things and until I do, I hate the sight of my body more than usual. However, even after losing the weight I had struggled. So, perhaps that’s an excuse.

Perhaps I just need to do more of what he likes and wants and take off my clothes until I am naked. Hopefully the weather this summer will lend itself to such a thing.

Blogging A-Z 2018: K&L

Kink and Limits

There is a place on Fetlife where you can list your kinks or as described there, fetishes. Those available range across the spectrum of those related to domination and submission, through pain, degradation, humiliation and so on. Just reading through posts there, blogs, books and comments on social media it’s possible to find out about those kinks and how people fulfil them.

What is clear, is that everyone is different. What works for one person, couple or group really doesn’t for others. But just because you come across something you wouldn’t want to do yourself, doesn’t make them wrong. Nor does it mean you have to want to try everything, after all everyone has limits.

My approach all along this journey has been that I have a few very hard limits when it comes to kink. Thankfully most of those are the same as Master, which makes life easy. These include blood, scat and anything completely illegal. I have one that I described to him at the beginning of our relationship that he has respected. It might seem odd, but I will not dress up in any nurse / medial related out fit. I am a nurse and as such will not bring my own profession into disrepute by degrading the uniform. I have no problem with others dressing as a sexy nurse, I am just not doing it.

All other limits I might have, or have had in the past are soft. This made it easy to give up decisions about those limits to Master once we agreed our power exchange relationship. He has a number of kinks that aren’t necessarily mine, but I am happy to embrace them. One of those would be water sports. Given a choice I wouldn’t initiate peeing on him or being peed on, but have to admit I don’t dislike it.

My journey to submission, slavery and kink has been one of great learning. We have explored our fantasies as well as things we knew we enjoyed. There have been things we have done once or twice and not repeated, and there are others we rarely do but would like more time to explore.

The fun and enjoyment we have together in the bedroom or play room are part of what makes our relationship special. It stops life getting dull and helps us learn more about each other along the way. I am glad I found kink and explored my limits and that I have him to help me do so.

\

Blogging A-Z 2018: H

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

H is for His

He cals her girl. This girl; His girl
He is her Master, her Lord and she His slave
She is His slut, His cum puppy. He controls her orgasms, they belong to Him; His.

He is her owner and she His property
People may find this difficult to understand but for her this is fact. She is His to love, to hold and to control.

Her body is pierced for His pleasure; nipples and clitoris. Her pleasure is His to have, to hold and to control.
She wears a collar, His collar. This is a sign of her slavery of His ownership, that she is His property.

She is His Bitch, Master’s Pleasing Bitch