Opposites Attract (or should you fuck a tory?)

MoteOo (pixabay.com)

In some ways that is true about us. Not in terms of kink, we seem to be aligned there. But upbringing, education and politics. There are some huge differences. This conversation with GOTN yesterday has led me here to this post. But actually I’ve thought about writing it for some time. That’s because a lot of fellow sex bloggers approach their lives from a similar liberal world view. One that I also possess. But I often keep quiet because Master usually has some kind of opposite view. People say, for example they would never fuck a Tory or someone who voted for Brexit. But actually it is possible to have sex and cohabit with someone who is and did those things. I wonder if I should have included a content warning on this post?

Roots

I come from a socialist supporting family, though both my brothers have moved away from that philosophy. My maternal ancestors were mining families from the North East of England. My dad was an electrician and I became a nurse through an apprenticeship type training. Since then I’ve gained 2 degrees and been a health service manager but I believe in socialist values and I’d also prefer we remained part of the EU. The original reason for this was a selfish one. I have a home in France and don’t want complications. But as time has gone on I haven’t been able to work out what will be better when the UK leave.

He went to a private school, on a scholarship and his father was a banker. Master is Oxford educated and was an accountant. He votes Conservative and believes in Brexit. Or did when he voted for it. He doesn’t take anything at face value and reads vociferously. When he voted for Brexit it was because he believes that the EU is corrupt and badly run. That view hasn’t changed, but the complete political mess that ensued after the vote created more common ground than we expected.

Arguments

I was never someone who would finish with someone because of their political beliefs. Unless they wanted to make me change mine, and that clearly hasn’t happened. We certainly don’t discuss politics in bed or in the practice of our BDSM art form. But that isn’t to say we haven’t discussed the two thorny issues of crap tory policies making the country less pleasant to live in and Brexit. We have also had our fair share of arguments, as you might expect.

My husband found it difficult to establish an opinion much less express one. He tended to regurgitate mine. So, actually having someone to argue the state of the country with is a good thing. I’ve also become less volatile in my reactions over the years, it must be age.

But we do argue. Not often and to be honest I struggle to maintain my side to the bitter end (to my own frustration). The trouble is Master often has much more knowledge on a topic than I do. Unless it is about health and health politics and then I can hold my ground. What’s more I tend to lose interest or wrap myself up in knots. His debating skills are just better than mine. Then there is the issue that I’ll never change his mind just like he won’t mine. So, what’s the point.

As I mentioned above though it has been the politicians of the UK and indeed world that have helped us along. There has been no doubt this country has been badly run for the last few years. There is also little doubt that Jeremy Corbyn was never going to be accepted as a prospective prime minister. Even though he has been a better leader than I’d imagined he would be. Brexit has been a shambles and in all likely hood will remain so. We therefore have agreement even if we come at it from opposite views.

Drink

My only caveat is that we must never have political discussions in a pub or even at home while drinking. Over the years that has caused some momentous rows, usually involving me getting so angry that I storm off somewhere. Plus, I’m less articulate when drunk and he tends to forget what he said by morning. So it’s a case of don’t go there. The only upside is that it usually involves some very hot make up sex. But to be honest it would be better to just have the sex and leave out the argument and hangover.

My advice

If you find yourself romantically linked with someone of an apposing political view don’t run away, it might be fine. If you fancy them like crazy and you find that they don’t want to talk about how wonderful Boris is while in bed. Also check they are capable of behaving themselves in public. That they won’t lecture your friends and family and keep their apposing views to more private encounters.

So, if you fancy a tory, don’t be frightened to snog them, or even have sex with them. They might just turn out to be the love of your life.

Home

14th July Fireworks from my balcony in France

Concepts of home have become more difficult for me to articulate over recent years. What does home really mean to me? Is home a place, a person, a state of mind? Unusually, I read the Food for Thought posts already posted before writing this. Now I’m not sure if I’m clearer or if the waters are more muddy. Let’s see.

Childhood

We moved to the house I would consider my childhood home when I was around 5. I have a few memories of the first place, but they may just be from photos I’ve seen. Home was my parents and brothers. My grandparents and cousins visiting. It was family Christmas’ and my room.

As a teenager I got my dad to paint it purple. I had my own little portable cassette deck, my books and other special possessions. It’s the place I did my homework and wrote. Once I got a boyfriend it’s a place I took him, though my mum was forever calling me downstairs!

I got married from that home (though I had moved out 6 months before) and then my parents moved to a new house. I felt at home in their new place, but it wasn’t my home.

Our homes

Hubby and I also owned two houses during the course of our marriage. Our first was special because I’d never lived anywhere that afforded real privacy. By that, I mean that parents and brothers could walk in at home and the home warden at my nurses accommodation. Here only we had a key, everyone else had to knock. That made it home. Then the fact we decorated and chose furniture and furnishings. Finally because it was just us. It was a place that we conceived our son and brought him home to. Later I discovered things hadn’t been as I imagined, because his infidelity started at around that time.

When my son was just 3 months old we moved. I wanted somewhere we could bring up a family, a bigger home and better neighbourhood. The new place was fine to begin with. We decorated, but often struggled to make it feel right (for me that is). However it was my son’s home and over time it became mine too. A place of sanctity, somewhere to hide when things were difficult.

At the end, when my ex had all but gone, it felt like the home it had never been. I spent days and nights there alone and became familiar with every nook and cranny. But when it came time to leave, I knew it was right.

My ex still lives there. I’ve been back and it feels no more like home than any other house in that street. That’s not because they have decorated and have new furniture. I’ve felt that way since I loaded my car with my remaining things and closed the door on that part of my life.

Looking back, I am still not sure that home was ever with my ex. But having my son there made it feel that it was at the time.

Now

We live in Master’s house. To begin with it was very weird, but gradually it has become home. Partly because my possessions have found their place and I have made changes to how things are. Also because we have started to decorate and make plans about how things will be. But this is a home because we are here together. I have a feeling about the concept of home that I didn’t have before.

There is one other place I call home. It’s a small apartment in France that I own (well jointly own with the ex). But it is my bolt hole. It’s the place I went to escape the pain and sadness when my life seemed to be falling apart. I’ve laughed, cried, got drunk and had amazing sex there. It is the place I’d run to if things went tits up here with Master. But it is also the place we go to and gradually it has become something of home to him too. Our place, our home.

Balancing our needs

In her introduction for this week’s Sex Bloggers for Mental Health, Catherine links to my post from last week about priorities. As she highlights, I wrote about the need to balance my and our needs with those of others. For this week’s prompt Catherine asks: but how?

For me, the realisation that a rebalance is required, comes after some kind of crisis. It may just be a moment of stress or some kind of over dramatic meltdown (oh yes, I can be a drama queen).

We are lucky. Our lives don’t any longer revolve around the needs of others. Just of ourselves. We don’t have dependents living with us, nor do we have parents or children living close. But there in lies the slight problem. On one hand we don’t have anyone turning up unexpectedly, but on the other hand, we do need to plan. We can live our own lives spontaneously but interaction with others needs planning. And sometimes we either get the planning wrong, get let down or else have to drop everything for the needs of others. This is kind of what happened at Christmas. My careful planning went wrong, because stuff outside of our control happened and then stress occurred.

Many of us try to control everything around us much too much. I and we are no exception to that. It is in my nature to try to please everyone and by doing so, I end up making myself unhappy. Master needs time of solitude and actually I need that alone time too. But both of us also need to engage with others. He claims he doesn’t; but then suggests going to a munch because he wants to be sociable. When I say we are going to spend an evening with my son or brother he pulls a face, but then enjoys it. Certainly before he met me Master spent far too much time alone and admits now that was not good for him. He claims he dislikes people, but I don’t think he really does, but he definitely needs not to be with others all the time.

That may reflect our different personalities. Me, the extrovert who likes to be with people and he the introvert who lives in his own mind much of the time. But, that’s too simplistic. I find meeting new people difficult. I don’t like noisy places as I can’t shut off from people’s conversations. It’s often he who suggests we go out to meet people and I who would rather stay home.

We both have elderly parents, and the possibility of a call is always there. I know that I will be required at some point to go and help out. My mother is frail and prone to falls. But while she is well and mobile I will keep to my fortnightly visits and support my brother who lives nearby as best I can.

My own brush with ill health and the desire to live my best life right now dictates how I makes sure there is balance. That I do the things I want and need. For example that I take exercise, even if Master isn’t joining me. That we go to new places and see what the world has to offer us. I am lucky to have retired from full time work at such a young age, but I know how easily the freedoms I am afforded could be snatched away. So, with that in mind we put ourselves first. But try to remain mindful of those that surround us.

Thoughts on intimacy

While reading this post by May yesterday it struck me that there was a time when I hated intimacy. The reasons for these feelings differ between us, experiences in childhood and young adulthood are important. Being cheated on so early in my marriage had a profound affect on me. Over time, I learned to bury the hurt and pain, to bury my feelings. I guess I came across as cold and unresponsive. He told me I was frigid, so I know that was the case.

Sex during my marriage

Was perfunctory and was often just sex. I’ve said before that he was a man who could complete foreplay and PIV sex in during a commercial break. But to be fair to him, I was often ok with that. I’d hang around in the bedroom for a while and bang out an orgasm. Or else wait till he was asleep and find my rabbit. I actually didn’t want him to be intimate with me, to stroke and touch.

It’s strange, because we didn’t have full sex for quite a time after we met. But there was a lot of intimacy – a lot of foreplay (without the sex), we always sat close together and touched and kissed a lot. And then gradually that didn’t happen any more, but the catalyst for that was his affair. Don’t get me wrong we had our moments, but I think alcohol played quite a part in getting me to relax my guard.

Meeting S

This was a pretty transactional relationship looking back. I was his bedroom submissive, I dressed up and got off on some humiliation and degradation. In return we had some very good sex and through that I discovered I was in no way frigid. The play and the sex were fairly unemotional. But there was a lot of intimacy before and after. My husband rarely cooked a meal and being presented with breakfast after an early start and long drive was amazing. Picnics in bed were also a fun and intimate thing. But also there was aftercare of the physical kind – stroking, kissing and just generally being.

But then it was time to leave and I often didn’t hear from him for days or even weeks. To begin with that hurt, but over time I accepted that it wasn’t a love affair and took from it what I needed.

The intimacy of us

This relationship, with Master gives me everything I didn’t realise I needed until I had it. I’ve written before about the importance of touch between us. The intimacy is just there. If my husband came up to me and put his hands on my waist, then grabbed a tit I’d swat him away. Because there was a motive. With Master, there could be motive, but in general he is touching me because he desires me and just wants to touch me.

The stroking and holding takes place before during and after sex. During play he is constantly seeking to check I am ok and to let me know that he desires me. He also wants to know that I am aroused by the things he is doing.

As mentioned in the post – The touch of our hands – he didn’t always enjoy being touched. Now though he actively seeks my hands on his body. We approach each other regularly and just kiss gently on the lips. We don’t always hold hands when out, but sometimes, often late at night we do and it feels just right.

In many ways I feel I’ve come full circle. That I didn’t actually know what I needed till I didn’t have it. Didn’t know what to expect or to ask for. But, you know what? It’s never to late to find out what you need and perhaps to get it.

Click below for the thoughts of others on the topic of intimacy

Click below to see who else is participating in January Jumpstart.

Determining priorities

I’ve written a bit about the pressures I felt were on me in the run up to Christmas. I have loved family Christmas’ in the past and mourn their passing. Well, I thought I did. Because this festive period taught me that I need to be clearer about what is important and necessary and what would be nice. I also realised in my end of year reflections the extent to which I have started to revert to type. That is, trying to organise everyone and then being upset when everyone doesn’t welcome my efforts.

Master and I have spent far too much time over the past two weeks discussing what happened and what was wrong with it. For him, the priority is to be as stress free as possible. He says he hates Christmas, I don’t actually think he does. What he really dislikes is conforming to expectations, spending too much money, watching crap TV and over eating. All of which are symptoms of this time of year. He has no objection to spending time with others (i.e. my family members), but he wants to be in control of who, for how long and when.

These events now make me think of the rest of the year. How do we determine where our priorities lie and how do we ensure that we do what we want. We plan to focus much of this year around the knowledge I should have reconstruction surgery in the second part of the year. So we are thinking about what events we will attend, trips and holidays we will take and who else we need to consider in those plans. But those plans will only be for the first half of the year, until around July.

We’ve been fortunate since I gave up work, that we can be flexible with dates. Also that we are able to do so many things we want to do. We don’t have other dependents, though our priorities need to include others. Master, quite rightly wants to see his daughter more often than of late. Likewise I want to spend time with my son and daughter in law. Perhaps in past years we have prioritised ourselves. Plus of course in 2018 I was preparing to move, working my notice and getting diagnosed with breast cancer.

What I’ve come to realise is that getting my priorities wrong leads to anxiety and stress not only in me but in Master. By choice our life together is busy and because of that we need to build in down time and plenty of it. Time when we may be doing things together, but equally where we have our own priorities. We both like to spend time alone even if we are in the same house, or sometimes even the same room.

This needs to be factored in when we go and visit others. We spent two nights at my mum’s followed by one in a hotel. The two nights with mum were in hindsight a mistake. We struggled to escape from her misery, the TV and her smoking. The night in the hotel was bliss. But it wasn’t alone time, far from it. Instead we lunched with my son and daughter in law and spent the evening with her family.

Although I’ve used Christmas as the example here, this is about a much bigger issue. It’s about balancing my and our needs with those of others. And it is about planning how we better manage times that could prove stressful. I guess you could say that a plan is forming to make sure that happens.

Mindset

Our dynamic is about power, control and mind games. I say games, because to begin with it feels like it. Where someone is seeking to get you to conform to their way of thinking, to make you behave in certain ways and to develop a mindset. For me the mindset of a submissive, of a slave. Looking back this was always a conscious thing on both sides.

Before I met Master, there had been a few times when I had found myself in a submissive space, usually after an intense sex session. I also knew I responded well to instructions, In the right context. In that relationship, (2012 to the end of 2013), we used certain rituals to create the right mindset. Wearing certain clothes (and underwear) and shoes. Kneeling for him as soon as I arrived. So, while I wasn’t someone who usually liked to be told what to do, I found myself embracing his dominance.

A submissive mindset

With Master though it was different. From the very beginning his approach was psychological. Our physical attraction to each other came through our conversations about Dominance and submission. He says he felt my submission almost before he laid a finger on me. It was almost like he had a power over me. Our first date was in February, it was wet and cold and we strolled into a disused church. By the time he touched my bottom and pressed his erection against my cunt I’d have gladly taken my jeans down there and then. For me, sexual arousal and submissive mindset are clearly linked. I had brought that knowledge from the previous relationship and found it to be true here. A couple of weeks later I discovered how powerful BDSM play could be in sending me into subspace.

A name

Within days I was referring to myself in the third person while we were together and soon here on my blog too. To him I was and remain this girl, His pleasing bitch. The latter took a little longer to form but to this day, Master rarely refers to me as Julie, except to others.

I wouldn’t claim to remain in some submissive mindset all of the time. Once, I probably did most of the time we spent together. But now of course we live together and have regular stuff to do. But when we have sex, when we play or when the mood takes him a few words are uttered and I am back in that place. Back being this girl, slut, slave and his bitch. What’s more the names aren’t just used when in bed and so he has the power to pull me up short just by calling me this girl. And not only when we are alone, at home.

The right mindset

But having said that, there are times when it doesn’t work. When it takes effort on both our parts to create the right feeling. This was more of a thing when I was working, on Friday nights I needed a bit more persuasion (and alcohol) to get into the mood. Another challenge can be my mum who definitely gets me into a mood very easily.

I’ve mentioned recently about changes to my orgasms, that I don’t feel the need for so many and that they can’t always be forced. This can be challenging since multiple orgasms definitely put me into a submissive space. And if you can’t force one out there won’t be lots. But true to form Master is finding ways around my resistant body, which can’t help but respond to strong vibrations.

A successful Dominant / submissive relationship requires brining together physical actions with the right mindset and making those two things happen at the same time can take a bit of effort. However it does make for an interesting life and is rarely dull.

tellmeabout

January Jumpstart – More goals for 2020

For the second year Violet Fawkes is running a month long meme – January Jumpstart. Designed to get the blogging year off to a flying start with 31 posts in 31 days. This year January looks pretty quiet and I’m keen to get writing so I’m joining in.

There are a couple of goals that I left off of my post yesterday and which I want to write about. These are personal things that are not related to my blog or to writing but which I am bound to write about.

Legal issues

The first is that I am still married and that we are living in Master’s house. That I currently have no financial stability and if something should happen to him I would be looking for a new home. Also that my (still) husband lives in a house that is jointly owned by he and his partner. But if anything should happen to him, then that half a house would become mine again. So the key personal goal for this year is to sort out this legal and financial situation.

I had planned to divorce last year and did start the online process. But with other stuff going on it wasn’t a priority. Now though I feel I must get on with divorce and we must have wills to make sure everyone knows where they stand.

I never thought I’d want to marry again, but actually I would really quite like that. But you can’t marry if you are already married to someone else. So, into my planner all of this goes.

Money

Most of the proceeds of the sale of my half of our marital home is tied up and doing nicely in my share portfolio. Master is managing that for me and all is well. I receive a monthly NHS pension which should be enough to live on and is. But it doesn’t really allow for much in the way of luxuries, holidays etc. So I need to supplement it. I still have a reasonable amount of savings other than mentioned above, but I need to build them up again. I managed to spend quite a bit during last year.

So, I need to find some interim work for the first half of this year. Resend my CV to a few agencies and chase some contacts. This is on top of any small amount of money I might be able to earn through my blogging and writing.

So, these are my specific personal goals for 2020 and are added to those I mentioned in my last post. They aren’t New Year resolutions but actual things that really need to be done. And that’s me for January 1st 2020.

Indulgence, vice and all things nice

Key lime pie

It’s catchup week on Food 4 Thought and what better time to think about these things than at Christmas. A time of indulgence, being a bit naughty and doing nice things. The worst of this year’s Christmas indulgence is behind me as I write this. But, that means I have the opportunity to think ahead.

Indulgence

I’ve been eating things that I had excluded from my diet (chocolate, pastry, the key lime pie I ate on Christmas Eve). I’ve been drinking a little too much alcohol for a couple of weeks now (since our trip to Amsterdam). I’m an all or nothing person when it comes to those kinds of indulgences. But actually it’s all part of living life to the full while trying to make more health choices.

Staying with my mum wasn’t an indulgence of any kind. She refuses to moderate her smoking habit in our presence, insists on watching rubbish on TV and picks a fight if and when she can. So, that meant that when we arrived at our hotel just and hour away, on Boxing Day afternoon I embraced the atmosphere. It wasn’t anywhere special, just comfortable, relaxed and friendly. Everything we had been missing over the previous two. We had already had an early lunch with my son and his wife and now had some down time. We could have headed to the room and slept or maybe indulged in some sex. But no, we just relaxed in the bar and enjoyed our own company and the enjoyment of those around us.

Later we walked to my daughter in law’s parents house and were warmly welcomed. They were fabulous hosts and we had an amazing time. All of my stresses of the previous 5 days or so were swept away.

That night as I lay in bed, it occurred to me that you don’t need to spend lots of money or be somewhere luxurious to feel indulged. Plus that one good day can help undo many bad ones.

Vice

Goodness we’ve had some great fun this year. We’ve stayed in a couple of kinky B&B places (in the UK and in Amsterdam). We’ve been to club events and we’ve made some new kinky friends. We also attended Eroticon and were able to meet up with many more people from the blog and twitter world. I’ll write more about that in a separate post.

We have great naughty stuff to look forward to too. A different club to attend in January – it’s time to spread our BDSM kink wings this year. Hopefully there’ll be more play times both at home and with our new friends. There’s Eroticon to look forward to in just under 3 months, something I’m really looking forward to.

Plus, there will hopefully be new and different experiences that I don’t even know about yet. That’s the nature of things round here, I often don’t even know what’s going to happen until it actually has.

Nice things

Master has a big birthday coming up at the end of March. He’s still deciding where to go to celebrate. I’m hoping for warm weather, but will be happy with wherever he choses. We are also thinking ahead to the summer holidays and Spain and France (different route and different cities to this year).

I have a new planner that I am going to break out perhaps later today. My mind is swirling with ideas for this blog and my new one.

Yes folks I have a new, vanilla blog. It’s about my need and desire to get fitter and healthier in 2020. It’s also about all things physical and mental health for anyone who’s interested. I’m going to be inviting guest bloggers, linking and ideas from those around me (that means you if you are reading this). It won’t be about telling others what they should do, but about creating a safe and healthy space to share ideas. The link will go up here very soon.

As for this blog, well a new image is overdue. Plus some goals for what I write and how I respond to others.

I’m hoping to get some paid work soon too, because you can’t continue to do new things without money. While most of that will be in my vanilla world. I am definitely going to take the plunge and start pithing my writing. It is time to make my Smutlancer membership pay.

I’m not sure if the planned surgery is a nice thing or not. Losing the weight I need to get that far will be. After recovery and being able to wear clothes with a more plunging neckline will be too.

So, on that positive note, I’m signing off. But don’t go away, there’ll be more here and elsewhere very soon!

F4Thought

Christmas stresses

The run up to Christmas has been a little fraught. It shouldn’t have been, but a series of events at the weekend seem to have sent me off kilter. So much so that I am really not looking forward to the journey to my mum’s later today. I truly wish we were staying at home. However we must go and spend two nights with her, even though she won’t be at all grateful. What’s more she will probably spend most her waking hours watching TV. Something she never did in the past. So, back to the series of events.

Friday

We went into London and saw a film. It was a Danish film, Ordet (The Word), made in 1955. It is very well made and obviously subtitled. But it was really quite harrowing and very moving. A woman dies following childbirth and is subsequently resurrected by her brother in law who believes himself to be Jesus Christ. At the time I wondered if this was a suitable and fitting film so close to Christmas, but on reflection it probably was. Since it is about the small mindedness of people and the way in which we disregard people we believe to be mad. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Saturday

We arrived home late on Friday night, but I slept well. I was up early on Saturday morning and set off to my mum’s at about 10. She has been completely disinterested in Christmas this year. I’ve found her irritating, though I know she is down because of a fall she had a few weeks ago. This resulted in a leg ulcer which the nurse at the GP surgery has been dressing. Thankfully it is healing, but she has been very miserable about it. Worried I would be late, I didn’t stop off to pick up the parcel I needed to collect from the post office. Instead I headed straight onto the motorway.

Traffic was quite heavy, the road was wet though it was a sunny morning. It had obviously rained a lot over night. People were driving erratically, speeding up and slowing down and changing lane – a lot!. Only 20 minutes into my journey the cars ahead of me slowed and then the one in front stopped. I was in the outside lane of a busy motorway, driving at about 50 mph. But I stopped and didn’t hit the car in front. Unfortunately the car behind me hit me and then behind us was absolute carnage. Thankfully no one hit the car that hit me, but behind people crashed into each other at an alarming rate. I looked back with horror that I had caused it all. Though of course I hadn’t. Thankfully no one was badly hurt or killed, we all had an amazingly lucky escape.

My mum was very understanding that I needed to turn round and go home. I felt nervous just driving those few miles. The car is drivable but damaged quite badly at the back. So of course there was the insurance company to call etc. Later I called mum and said Master and I would travel there for the day on Sunday, get the shopping and take her out for some dinner. She didn’t sound happy, but accepted it.

In the evening we went to our local pub. They had an older couple running a disco, of old favourites. We got up to dance and had a fabulous time. Unfortunately someone dropped some of their drink on the floor and next thing I was on my backside. I had bashed my knee and almost did the splits. Still, no massive damage I thought and we walked home.

Sunday

I woke realising that I probably should have put an ice pack on my knee before going to bed. It was really painful and swollen. However I can walk on it and I don’t think it’s anything serious. It still hurts but is getting better each day now.

We set off for Mum’s in good time to get to the shops etc (Master drove). But for some reason I didn’t realise that they would all close at 4pm (usual Sunday trading times). We got to her in good time, but she was watching an old film. I tried a couple of times to get her to go out before the end of the film, she was recording it on her sky box anyway. At one point during that hour, she stated that she has little interest in Christmas this year!.

Anyway by the time we got out of the house and to the supermarket it was closing in 5 minutes. So we went and had dinner early. Then we went back to her place, I wrapped up some of the presents I had bought for her to give to other people. Then we left. I don’t begrudge seeking her, but neither of us were happy that we had travelled 4 hours (there and back) for a rather substandard meal out and everything still to do on Monday.

We did have a lovely bath together after we went home which was great for my sore knee.

Monday

We went out in the morning to buy presents for my 5 nephews and nieces on my mums behalf. We then bought all the food to take to her place. Unable to find some of the items I wanted in our local supermarket we then walked back down into town. Probably not the best thing for my knee, but it felt par for the course.

Tuesday (Christmas Eve)

I feel better for writing this quite whiny post. I’ve collected my brother’s present from the post office (see Saturday). The car in booked in to be repaired on Monday next week and I’ll have a hire car.

Sitting here writing this I feel grateful that I am going to be able to see my mum and other family. I have a day with my son and daughter in law to look forward to on Thursday and of course Master and I will be together. The events on Saturday could so easily have changed everything.

But I do hope my mum cheers up today (she has some grandchildren visiting this afternoon). Because I really want to be happy and not miserable myself.

Next year, I would like to go away. Let’s see what happens.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Control

Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world

This week’s Tell me about prompt is Control. This is a topic I’ve written about a lot and the fact that Master has control over me is fundamental to us and our relationship. Looking back to the beginning of our relationship, that has always been the case. It is what attracted us to each other and what sustains us. This post was written a little more than a month after we started setting each other.

Control in daily life

In the post I talk about the first day we went out together without me knowing our destination. He told me to trust him and just go with the flow. At the time I was almost control freakish about my life. Planning was a priority, so there would be no unexpected events. Getting on a train and then bus with no idea of a final destination? Who does that? Later we moved on to him choosing food and wine for us both. Then in June of that year he booked a short break for us and for the first time win my adult life I didn’t know where we were going. Actually I had to pick one of three destinations he had written down but, then Master booked flights and hotels. This is the way he tends to organise our trips away even now.

Because we are together all of the time there are fewer surprises than during those early days. Plus, I tend to choose my own meals when we are out these days, plus collaborate on tapas style food. But I don’t tend to know what wine is arriving. When we are out on public transport Master holds the tickets, though in London I use my own card for contactless payments. He books theatre and exhibitions and the first I know is a diary invite. Though that doesn’t mean I can’t request something we might do. For example we recently saw the new Mary Poppins musical which I read about first.

These are small subtle ways in which control is maintained in everyday life. In bed though it is more overt.

Control in the bedroom and playroom

I am Master’s slave, his sex toy and play thing. I am always submissive in those situations and he is always my dominant. No one seeing us would mistake that fact. If I fight my submission in other parts of my life, this is one that I really don’t. I have gladly given up control of my orgasms and indeed my limits to Him, my Master. His control there is absolute. However that doesn’t mean I’m not a bit of a brat at times, trying to top from the bottom. But in the end, he has the control and that’s the way we both like it.

I’ve never been very good at leading during sex (though I have no problems in other areas of life). So, being able to handover decisions about how a sex or play session will go appeals. Luckily he usually has a clear idea of what he wants and expects from me and I am usually a willing participant.

The lives of others

I have no desire to be involved in controlling the lives of other people. I’m done with doing a job where I had to manage petiole and make decisions affecting them. I’m happy to no longer be married to a man who needed me to tell him what to do and where to be all the time. My son is grown up and married and while I might guide and advise, I don’t seek to control. My mum needs a certain level of support, but isn’t one to listen much to the advice of others, even when she should.

So, right now the level of control in my life is just where I want it. I hope it continues.

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