There are no categories beginning with X on my blog. So I went over to Kinkly to find a word to use and so my new category beginning with X is Xeronisus. It means a person who is unable to orgasm at all. Apparently it is a relatively common condition, more common in females. Those with the condition are unable to achieve orgasm through either masturbation or sexual intercourse.
I’m extremely pleased to say that I don’t suffer from xeronisus, though I have struggled to reach orgasm from time to time. At the moment I find it difficult without direct clitoral stimulation, preferably a vibrating toy.
Masturbation
When masturbation meant going solo I sometimes found orgasm difficult to reach. I could lie there stroking my clit for ages, insert toys into my vagina and still not come. What’s more vibrating toys sometimes couldn’t get me off either.
I found a great site called masturbation dot com which no longer seems to exist. There they had not only sexy stories but also information on how to get the most from masturbation. There I discovered more about my anatomy in relation to orgasms than I had learnt elsewhere. Subsequently I found my G spot, something of a revelation. Clitoral orgasms are my favourite still but I do love a G spot one and Master is pretty good at locating it with his cock.
Interestingly, Kinkly suggests that exploring your body or doing so with your partner is a way to help overcome xeronisus. As is increasing foreplay. This may be part of the reason I struggled while married.
Foreplay
My ex wasn’t big on foreplay. I’ve written before that he though it involved little more than a quick grope of the tits. What’s more he was in favour of getting his satisfaction and couldn’t understand why I hadn’t already come when he had. I learned to satisfy myself, but had to actually learn how to do that. I came to it all late too.
Master loves foreplay. In fact there may not even be sex at the end. He loves to give me pleasure and to take it for himself. He also likes me to orgasm and to do so a lot.
Orgasm Control
I wrote last year about Master’s control of my orgasms. After 6 years it is part of my normal life. He has never said I can’t masturbate but I must ask permission to orgasm and to thank him afterwards. When I lived alone (or semi alone) he would often give free rein to come. I used to thank him straight after even if he wasn’t there. Now we live together I don’t masturbate alone.
For some unknown reason I have stopped being able to come on demand. Something that used to happen with ease. I have a hunch the tablets I take to reduce oestrogen levels in my body are the cause, but can’t be sure. Master therefore uses our wand to force them out of me.
Receptive to Change
Over the years I and we have had to change in order to get the best from our relationship and sex life. That includes orgasms and masturbation. I’ve become a much more sexual person over time. Reading erotica and books about power exchange relationships made me want to masturbate and orgasm. The discovery that I knew my own body less than I imagined was a bit of a wake up. Finding out that things that got me off suddenly didn’t have been scary. But I and we have found our way around them and no doubt there will be more learning to come as both our bodies age.
I’ve never experienced xeronisus and hope I never do. But finding the word has made me think about how wonderful orgasms are and how they have changed for me over time.
Fab post, Julie and thank you for educating me. I haven’t heard of it either and thankfully don’t have that issue. I too, must agree with you in relation to reading material. I have learned quite a lot about how my body works from reading posts and books. And like you, I too had an ex who didn’t care for foreplay either. It makes all the difference!
Xx
I’ve known a couple men who have struggled with anorgasmia, which is basically the same thing as xeronisus. The latter is probably the more technical term, and it’s a new word for me!
When we were younger, I had this issue. I went years without an orgasm, didn’t know it was possible! I blame both of us. It was a lack of knowledge on both our parts (long before the internet…). I accepted this, but Mr. did not and worked until we got it right. Now O’s come easily to me from all forms of stimulation other than intercourse alone.
Now that we are near 50, Mr. has had this issue a few times, unable to finish. Not often, but it has happened. I know how he feels, very frustrating. He’s able to perform endlessly, but unable to orgasm. I feel for him lying back and trying to sleep fully aroused with no release… (He’s not on meds) Luckily it’s few and far between when this happens.
Excellent post. I spent years thinking I was a freak and Mr. feeling like a failure. Education is key.
You are absolutely right. I think the changes caused by aging have a lot to do with it too.
Never encountered that word before. I’ve struggled to get to orgasm if my head is in the wrong place, especially with a partner. I tend to of better solo on that front.
I have learned a new word… never heard of it before, and I think it’s a great find.
Rebel xox
Oh wow! New word learned this week. And while I definitely had years in my life where I didn’t orgasm, it wasn’t because I couldn’t, it’s because neither I nor my ex spent any time looking for my clit. (Sad but true, but it’s not a problem anymore.)
very educational article, great thanks to you Julie
Yeah, it’s time for youth without orgasms. For the most part. So when you look at teenagers who start their sex life early enough, you feel a little sorry for them…