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30 days of D/s

I have had the great pleasure in meeting Kayla and John from Loving BDSM at Eroticon. They both provide some excellent resources about kink, BDSM and D/s relationships through their websites and podcasts. So it is with great pleasure that I embark upon 30 days of D/s. I’m not planning on posting these every day, but will do so over the next few weeks as and when feels right. After the pressure of the Blogging A-Z, I do need to give myself a break.

Day 1: What does dominance in a relationship mean to you?

First and foremost a partner is a partner. If you are in a relationship then there needs to be respect on both side. Communication between parties, where it is possible to challenge and disagree. In a D/s relationship though it is the dominant partner that takes the lead in most areas and who has the final say where necessary.

Our relationship is based on a power exchange. This means that I have consented that my dominant partner should own me, completely. What? I hear you cry, he owns you? In reality this starts in the bed or play room and then spreads out into our everyday life. I must ask permission for an orgasm and at play I am always in the submissive role.

But that doesn’t mean that I wait about to be told what to do and how to do it, that I can’t function. But I must be mindful of his expectations of me and the clearly agreed rules of our relationship. He makes many of the decisions that affect us both and I defer to him when I am unsure of what he would want me to do. That I am happy to do this speaks volumes of him as a person, because when I came into this relationship I was used to making most if not all decisions.

What traits will a Dominant have?

My experience of dominant men is that they tend to know what they want and how they might get it. They like to be in control of a situation and pretty much hate to be told what to do. Of course there are men that have these traits and would be terrible dominants in a D/s relationship. So that’s where emotional intelligence comes in.

My Master does not like to be told what to do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t spent a lot of time making decisions together. Communication is vital; the ability to listen and hear. The willingness to think about things and not say no as a matter of course, because the submissive came up with an idea. Most of all though, the dominant is a human being and will have needs too. They shouldn’t be frightened to admit that sometimes they need help. Sometimes they are vulnerable and may need to show it.

How should a Dominant behave?

Like any grown up, adjusted human being. Respect for others is vital in my book. Master’s ability to read my moods and to adjust to my needs is paramount. Especially when we are in situations where my own judgement is affected. For example during impact play, or even when I slightly loose the plot during a stressful time in everyday life.

A dominant will hopefully put the needs of their submissive before others, depending on the situation. Of course we are also partners, we live together and on the face of it we are just like any other couple in the same situation. Few people would notice that I tend to defer to him more than might be expected. But that is often because we make no big deal about it. We are regular people who happen to be Dominant and submissive.

Your thoughts are always welcome

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