“Doms always have to be the “adult in the room” even during a break up. The flip side of power is responsibility.“
This week’s No True Way quote suggests that it is the dominant part of a D/s dynamic that remains ‘the adult’ when things need sorting out or go wrong. Personally I think that this statement is a load of rubbish.
I don’t have a lot of experience of break ups or of major disaster situations, thankfully. But during my two break ups I’m pretty sure I took more responsibility and was more ‘adult’ than either of them.
Granted my ex is and never was a Dom. But still, this whole statement stinks of sexism and patriarchy. With S, he dumped me the first time because he thought he’d found someone else and the second time he had found his soulmate. Eight years later and the last time I heard from him he was still looking for ‘the one’. The way that he dispensed of my services both times left a lot to be desired and wan’t exactly Dom or adult. The second time I realised it all for what it was and moved on. Just a few weeks later I met Master and the rest as they say is history.
There are plenty times I’ve leaned on Master for support over the years. But again there are times when he has needed me to do the same. Although he takes the lead in many areas of our life it in many ways it is an equal relationship. No one needs to be more or less adult than the other.
I’m sure that anyone can behave badly during a break up. Anyone can be more needy or vindictive. It has nothing to do with dominance and submission though. Indeed there are probably occasions when a dominant has behaved just as badly as any submissive could.
I do agree that with power, comes responsibility. But that is actually a different issue. We all have a responsibility to act in the best possible way with a partner and that includes when a relationship comes to an end.