Health and illness
I think that most of us take our physical and probably emotional health for granted. Especially if you have had very little cause to do otherwise. I know I have.
Even though I have been a nurse for over 30 years, some of them looking after people who are very sick or dying. Even though my dad died 4 years ago this week and I cared for him at the end. I have taken my health for granted.
Unfortunately I can no longer do that. A week ago I received news that the biopsy taken earlier in the month was malignant. Today we have been to see the breast surgeon and specialist nurse. I now know the type of cancer – invasive lobular breast cancer and stage; 2. It is estimated to be 3cm, but with this type of cancer it is difficult to estimate size even with ultrasound. So in the next few days I will have an MRI scan. Next month I will have surgery, hopefully a lumpectomy of the tumour is no bigger than 3cm.
Healing
It is very difficult to think about the healing process right now. I am just moving from diagnosis to decision-making into the treatment phase of this condition. But what I can see is that I need to consider my whole self, physical and emotional in order that I will heal completely. My emotions are pretty mixed up. I feel annoyed that this has happened right now, just when we are ready to enjoy life. On the other hand, I am glad there is no work to deal with as I don’t think I could manage that kind of stress. I feel sad that I can’t really plan stuff to do at the moment, but will now have to take every day / week as it comes. Treatment won’t end with the surgery. Then there is my body image, something I wrote about last week. I have always been proud of my breasts, and Master absolutely loves them. There is a possibility that I will need a mastectomy, though this will also include reconstruction surgery. Whatever happens though, my body will look and feel different.
Healing for me while all of this is going on will be about continuing to do the things we enjoy. I can see that doing normal things like going to concerts and films, seeing friends and family will be vital. Time too, spent relaxing, just being together, reading, watching tv, sewing and of course blogging. I also want to try to lose this extra weight I am carrying and take some exercise.
Health and healing has taken on a new meaning for me, but I will be concentrating on the parts of it that I can control and leave the rest to the health professionals.
I wish you all strength and suplenes of mind, take care of each other.
Thank you xx
Oh Julie, I am so very sorry to hear it’s malignant and for all that has to follow, the uncertainty. I am so sorry. Wishing you all the strength you need. Please take care of you!
Rebel xox
Thank you Marie, I will certainly be taking care. xx
Hi Julie…am so sorry to hear your news…sending positive thoughts your way…stay strong and take good care of you.
blossom xx
Thank you Blossom, good to hear from you – hope all is well xx
Massive hugs my friend. Crappy timing for sure although not sure there is ever good timing for something like this. I think taking a moment to stamp your foot and say it’s not fair is perfectly reasonable in fact even encouraged. As you said to me last night, you have to totally make yourself the priority through this.
Mollyx
Thank you Molly and I definitely will be. G will make sure of that too.
Shoot.
I was really hoping it would just be a scare.
Many, many good thoughts are being sent your way.
Me too Jz, thank you for your good thoughts, I’m going to need plenty of them!
I have just come out of the other end of Breast cancer. I opted to have both breasts removed and a reconstruction. I had both radiotherapy and chemo and both had their challenges. I have completed the chemo and I am cancer free. I lost a lot of weight too. I am telling you all this not to daunt you but to let you know I got through it. One day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time.
I feel so much better now. Take it as best you can and find time to rest because that is the biggest thing. Please don’t try to push yourself by doing the housework and other chores. Accept the help of others and just know we all here are sending our prayers for you and a few mental hugs too. kitten.
Thank you for your comment kitten, that is really useful. I am so glad you have come through the other end of what seems a long and daunting path. xx
Thinking of you and sending huge kisses and best wishes!!!
Xxx – K
Oh Julie – I feel devastated for you, and the injustice of it now, when all the ducks were lining up must be a kicker! I agree with Molly, a bit of foot stamping fury totally justified.
I also think Kitten’s advice is sound and shows light at the end of the tunnel and you, as a nurse, are able to act very pragmatic about it all.
I wish you huge strength reserves and positivity, I know G and your loved ones will support you and you should treat yourself like bone china BUT it will be frustrating at times and that’s normal too.
Big hugs and please keep talking and blogging to us so we can help you with long distance love and support.
Thank you for your very kind words Posy. I am definitely going to try to do all of the things you suggest and know there will be good and bad times ahead. I do intend to keep blogging. xx
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Oh, I am so sorry. Sending you love and strength to help you live life through it all. Good luck with the treatment and be ridiculously kind to yourself.
Hugs to you – be good to yourself – spoil yourself and take care of yourself xx