Simple pleasures – with a hint of kink

One of the most satisfying things you can do for your man is to prepare and serve him a meal. Although we have been seeing each other for 6 months and have done many things together, until this week i had never done this. He is usually the one to cook for me because i am the one who often travels to see him, also i do all the cooking at home and He likes to make a point that being with Him is different. On Thursday though, i was able to arrive at his house quite a time before he was arriving home from work and so i offered to cook him dinner.

Traffic was pretty good that evening, so i arrived in pretty good time and headed to the local supermarket for supplies. Then with the lasagna prepared (chosen because it could be prepared in advance and popped into the oven while we got reacquainted) i went upstairs to get myself ready. New seamed stockings – no ladders, heels, some very naughty crotchless panties and my new purchase a cupless bra (not sure if you call it that). I am fascinated to know why it is, that the price of an item of clothing is inversely proportional to the amount of fabric contained within it. However it enabled me to show off my ample bosom nicely. i think he agreed, because he couldn’t stop sucking my nipples and touching my tits when he arrived home.

With dinner in the oven, we played out a scene that we had planned – He had arrived to fix a leaking pipe in my bathroom, i was a housewife whose dressing gown did nothing to hide her slutty nature. i perched on the bath, legs open, revealing my pussy to Him. The pipe was already leaking less than me as i became increasingly wet, much to his pleasure when he ran his hand up my stockings and felt my newly shaved pussy. It had only been a week since he had last touched me there, but it already felt like an age. I melted to his touch and my knees wobbled under the strain of those high heels. In no time at all, i was on all fours on the bed. As he pushed his cock into my arse, there was a remote controlled egg buzzing away inside my cunt and attached to my clit was a clamp. i almost came with the overload of sensations alone! We always get off to a quick start when we are together but this pretty much beat the lot!

So, after a very brief rest, we ate dinner, He was suitably complimentary, and watched some TV. It was great to be together, to enjoy the simple pleasures that people enjoy when they are together more of the time. Back up in bed after dinner, things were less intense, more intimate. We were both tired after our day at work and we had a pretty early night because of that. What is more i had to get up and leave early yesterday morning to get to the place i was going with work. We were together for less than 12 hours, but i can tell you it was worth every second of it. I still have a smile on my face!

The girl above is obviously not me, she is too thin and her hair too red, though i once had hair that was quite red. The bra is similar to this in its colour, and the effect on her boobs is similar. Maybe i’ll get Him to take a real picture for me next time!

30 Days of Submission – Days 22 and 23

Time to try to bring this series towards its conclusion, so days 22 and 23:

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

I never considered submission before all of this started and i have become more submissive because of it. If the relationship ended, i can’t see i would just continue to be submissive as i would need someone to be submissive with or to. Hubby would love me to be submissive to him no doubt (we haven’t discussed it) but he would just play on the domestic side of things and i have no desire for that kind of relationship. i already spend enough of my time doing all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc etc and i have no desire to extend that further. i guess i would have to work out what to do with my submissive feelings if and when the need arose. Right now though all is well, thank you very much.

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

It is very healthy to question your feelings i think and that is pretty much what i have done here over the last few months. i would like to have the opportunity to express my submission much more, but it is difficult in a longer distance relationship where you don’t see each other each day. 

i respect the relationships others, who are in full time relationships with their Dominants, have. i am even envious of way in which the submissives are able to make themselves available at all times to their partner. As mentioned in the previous question, i don’t really like the idea of domestic discipline (there is enough domestic drudgery going on here already), particularly in that i wouldn’t want rules about what i was meant to do or the standards i should keep. That would never happen if i was with Sir full time anyway since i would be the one introducing some rules (he is playing the bachelor lifestyle to the full if truth be known). i am not keen on the idea of needles or blood (not my own, as being a nurse i have lots of experience of both relating to others), and some of the spanking blogs used to have me cringing slightly. But since i am turning into a bit of a spanking slut, i can’t really say that any more. I have learnt over the months that submission is a moving feast of ideas to be embraced. Nothing wrong with that either!

Mind and body

Or maybe it is body and mind, i can’t quite decide. On Thursday, while with Sir i had some pretty powerful orgasms.

He really is getting to the core of what  blows my mind and it seems he isn’t afraid to do so. After 6 months we are beginning to know each other well, to know what each other likes, what is more, given the nature of this relationship He continues to push me to experience more and more sensations.

This time there was more spanking, on my bottom and on my pussy. This time i wasn’t restrained at all, but was expected to keep my body in the positions He told me to. When i cum i like to straighten my legs, as sensations increase within me, i love the feelings i get if  my legs are straight. I think it is reflexive in nature and i tend to go with that. This time he made me keep my legs apart during orgasm and while this was hard to do when not restrained the results were pretty good. He also did some amazing things to my clit – clamped it, nibbled and bit it which just sent me to another level. Yes it was painful, but it practically send me into orbit. As he said afterwards, i got pretty noisy! He is now convinced that i need my clit pierced; i am not sure i am brave enough to go to get such a thing done, but he has a point.

I don’t think i realised, even at the beginning of this quite how powerful just the right amount of pain can be. Over time the level of pain can increase, while at the same time you just get more and more sexually aroused. He loves the fact that i am becoming such a pain slut, that i crave the spankings, the nipple and clit clamping it feels like he is turning me into some kind of sexual slave.

The end result though is that things start playing out in my mind. No doubt he will think i am going over board here, but there were moments on Thursday evening that i would have done anything he asked. Moments when i really truly felt like i was in love. I have said before that while this relationship isn’t about love as such, i don’t believe you can experience this level of stimulation without deep feelings of love. i am a little nervous of expressing these emotions here, but since this is my blog, and these were my feelings, i will. I am not saying that today in the cold light of day i am expressing the same feelings, but what i am saying is that BDSM relationships involve extreme levels of trust, they lead to levels of emotion that a person may not have experienced before and this can lead to the release some amazing feelings.

It was difficult leaving his house as i did at 7.30am on Friday. i needed sleep and i could have done with being held some more. But it is experiences like this that make the whole thing worthwhile, even if it never feels we have sufficient time together.

So…….

i think that it is true to say that right now my life is much too busy. This may well be short lived, but right now that is what i think. This is the first time i have sat on my own sofa since Wednesday evening, not that i haven’t had a good time sitting on other sofas (or a even chaise longue) you understand.

After leaving Sir’s on Friday morning, i spent the morning with my work colleagues at a conference (useful and interesting if a little gloomy about the future of our sector of the NHS, but that is another story entirely). i then drove home, collected hubby and some clothes etc, drove to the town when my son is at university and dropped off a ticket to a football match i had purchased for him (i am the softest mum ever) and on to our weekend away at a seaside town. Bearing in mind that Sir lives by the sea, i was grateful that when my parents invited us on this trip it was to entirely different seaside area (this is of course an island so the chance of that is high). I traveled though 7 English Counties that day, but got to see lots of roads, fields, cars and trucks. I had a great weekend, thanks for asking, but this madness makes Thursday night with Sir feel all the more like it took place a long long time ago!

However i will attempt to record some of what occurred here, since that is the purpose of this blog and i am already at least 100 words into this post.

I arrived slightly stressed. He wanted seamed stockings, so i stopped at motorway services to change from the ones i had worn all day, only to find them laddered. I added to this by putting my finger through them again. So i reverted to the pair i had arrived in, only to find that they too were laddered. Then just as i pulled up my boss phoned, and having missed the call i felt i should try to call her back but was unable to get through. Luckily for me He was taking no nonsense from me. I was soon on my knees sucking his cock. Shortly afterwards i was on all fours while he spanked me with the lead to my collar!

We have recently discovered that i respond very well when he slaps my pussy with whatever he happens to be using, to by the time i made it upstairs, i had a sore backside and sore but very wet pussy. He stripped me, except for stockings (he said the ladder was strangely fetching) and heels. Then applied nipple clamps, one of which some how very quickly made its way to my clit! Within about 30 minutes of my arrival he had allowed me to cum 3 times and had released himself within my arse (mind you it was the first time we had seen each other for a month).

Thankfully things slowed down from then on in. I will write more about that tomorrow when i have had some time to think about the whole thing a bit more from the comfort of my own sofa. All i can say is it was beyond fantastic and i am aiming for more of the same very soon. Maybe even this week if Sir can accommodate me!

Maintenance

I read a lot about maintenance, my fellow submissive bloggers discuss frequently how they need to be spanked frequently, or to follow particular rituals so that they can keep on the straight and narrow of submission. It is difficult to follow rituals when you are not living together and when you both lead busy lives, well you can follow rituals, but the other person doesn’t know if you have carried them out. Also the Dominant would need to be very attentive, checking in for progress reports. Our relationship definitely isn’t like that. Of course you can’t receive maintenance spankings if you are not together either, unless you were to spank yourself at His behest, and to be honest that sounds a little on the weird side.

We haven’t seen each other for around a month, and during that time i haven’t been particularly submissive or slut like. i have been on holiday and while there i wore shorts or trousers every day. Even when i have worn a skirt, i have always worn underwear and not once have i been near a pair of stockings (though if it gets any colder something will need to be applied to my legs). I haven’t even shaved my pussy (though other areas have been attended to). I have definitely got very lazy, which means that if He turned up on a white charger out of the blue i would need to rush to the nearest bathroom, quickly followed by my bedroom before i was ready for Him.

I am getting back into the right mindset for tomorrow’s meeting. We have chatted over the last few evenings about the things we will do and where in His house these things will take place. We have discussed the punishment i might need (which may be ramped up a little after he reads this) and what form that might take. We have discussed what i will wear and how i will present myself the minute i get inside His front door. In the absence of regular ‘maintenance’ the ritual we have of talking through all of this stuff acts as a substitute. But probably i need a bit more of this to keep me on the right path, to keep me feeling like the submissive i am for more of the time.

Tomorrow is the day though and i am really looking forward to it. The good thing too is that afterwards i will have something to write about here and we can all be pretty glad about that!

30 Days of Submission – Days 20 and 21

After my holiday and the resulting period of navel gazing reflection what better way to get me back on the submission straight and narrow but the next installments of 30 days of submission? So here goes:

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Over the months since i first began to consider Dominance and submission in any serious kind of way and to practice elements of it, my submission has, as you might expect increased. This is of course part of the learning process i am going through with Sir as my tutor (as it were). But also writing this blog, reading the writings of others (real and fiction) has helped me to think about how i want to be as a submissive. One of the biggest things of course is the trust i need to place in Him when i am submitting to Him. Trust is something that develops over time, and as i increasingly place my trust in Him (whether that is about bondage, about the humiliating situations i submit myself to or whatever), i feel more submissive towards Him. It is almost as if when we are together, and in the middle of a scene, i can release myself completely to Him. I tend to over think, over analyse (who would have thought it?), but for increasing periods of time when we are together i can let all of that stuff go. Maybe that is why i am suddenly so reflective again – i just need to be with Him, submitting. Who knows?

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Any position where i have no or little control over what i can do feels submissive. Kneeling in front of Him, especially when i have just arrived and would prefer to be on my feet holding and being held while we kiss. On all fours on the bed or floor while he pushes his cock into me. Probably the most submissive thing for me though has been anal sex. I was curious before, but never imagined i would actually like it. It is hard to explain why that is, other than that it arouses me more than i could imagine and that, yes, it makes me feel ever more submissive. I love the power it feels that it gives Him. Plus it is something i have never done with anyone else and at present have no desire to do so. 

Reflections – Judgement

As you might expect, during my period away from home, from work and the daily chores of life i have had time to properly reflect on where i have got to in my life and in what i am currently doing in relation to seeing Sir. At the beginning of the holiday, there were numerous times when i wanted to have ‘that’ conversation with my husband. To tell him that i want something different from life, that i want…what?

Trouble with me is i really do want it all. i am no longer sure i want to break up my marriage of getting on for 30 years unless i have a pretty good alternative. It is not the living on my own i wouldn’t like, it is more the mess i would live behind and the fact i would need to find somewhere to live. i would lose friends, lose the respect of family and much more. i would really hurt hubby.

The alternative (to doing nothing) is to come clean about the affair side of things and to seek an open relationship. This would be my preference, but of course, once i open my mouth to hubby there would be no turning back and i could find myself rapidly in scenario one. As the week went on, and we were able to talk, laugh and to have some fun (though no sex), i realised that perhaps for now it is best to keep the status quo. i don’t really seek to change my life significantly, Sir lives quite a way away and my job and my family are here.

My biggest problem is that i hate the deception. i have been the one to be deceived and i didn’t like it. In the past i have been able to hold the moral ground, as i could always say to hubby that whatever else i had done, i had never slept with another man. During the last 6  months though, i have had enough sex with another man to constitute 3 years of sleep! No moral ground for me now then! i hate the idea of being judged when all i am doing is finding something of myself in my 50th year. i feel i deserve that deep down, but trouble is that i know that life is not that simple. People will and do judge. People judge each other when they don’t even really know each other, let alone when they are friends and family. We all have moral standards and values, and i am no different.

When i started this blog, i was very fearful of being judged by the community that i was seeking to enter; hence my disclaimer at the top of my blog. My take on this was that i judge myself already and don’t actually need anyone who reads what i write to make those judgements too. Until now, i have found the BDSM blogging community to be pretty tolerant. Personally i love to read about the lives of my fellow bloggers, some of the things they have done have led me to consider new options for myself and Sir. Littleone and Fondles both bought corsets and then i got myself one which Sir loved. It is the stories of spanking which have led to more spanking taking place in my scenes with Sir (we have both read blogs where lots of spanking takes place).

But there is plenty of what i read that i don’t want for myself and Sir doesn’t want for us. We may discuss some of these things, we make judgements. i wouldn’t go to other peoples blogs and tell them that their choices are rubbish and that they are wrong to have taken them. i might join a discussion about them, but when i write comments i try to be kind. i have without exception, found people commenting here to be kind people.

Some of those who do comment (i am making a judgement here), probably disagree with the idea of me having an affair while still married to hubby and while he is in the dark about things. But if they do then they don’t show it and for that i am grateful. This doesn’t mean that people have to agree with what i or others say, people can and do express their thoughts but tact and kindness is key.

Since i am still on leave from work, and hubby is not, i had plenty of time yesterday to catch up with all the reading i had missed on my favorite blogs. i was surprised and upset by the events over the past few days at finding my submission where judgements were expressed in an unpleasant way. i am pleased to say that many fellow bloggers showed their support for sin and that those events led to a number of posts by sin, aisha and sfp at jumping on in about blogging and the extent to which we provide a support group for each other and don’t judge when perhaps we should, about anonymity and about having opinions but just being nice about them.

As usual, something not so pleasant has led to lots of discussion. Trouble is, that in the original post, sin was trying to express some concerns about her relationship with her Master which like mine is extra marital. Those concerns got lost in lots of other valuable discussion, but left sin and others feeling wounded (i am making a judgement based on what i have read). So i guess that after this long ramble what i am saying is, by all means judge, but be nice when you do it, and don’t forget the original message.

Back

France was great, though the weather on some days was less sunny and warm than i may have liked. I managed to swim in the sea though and to walk miles. I also ate some very good food and drank some lovely wine. Back to the diet asap! My world has been refreshingly vanilla. I make no excuses for admitting that other than a few email exchanges with Sir and some thoughts about what He might choose to do with me in those surroundings (slutty escapades in the outdoors, making use of the slatted railings to the mezzanine floor which served as our bedroom to name two) I have been in relaxing mode. I can’t really explain how tired I felt before i left these shores, but it was very weary indeed.

I feel pretty refreshed, well i would be but Sir suggested an early morning skype this morning and i was too eager to see him to say no (not that i am good at turning him down at the best of times). We haven’t done the skype thing before, and i was a bit reticent about him seeing me when i had only just woken up. But then i thought, how silly, he has seen me when asleep, let alone newly woken! We were a little naughty on there, but what are two adults to do when they haven’t laid eyes on each other for 3 weeks and have another week to go.

One of the best things about having been away, with limited contact to each other is knowing that we have missed each other. It does the heart good to know that while i have been thinking about him, he has also been thinking of me. It reminds me of how much he means to me now, and what i mean to him. Counting down now to next Thursday. Much more of that in the days to come….

Interlude

From tomorrow afternoon, for a bit over a week, this will be the view from my door. On that table will be wine, cheese, baguettes and a host of other goodies. i am going to stroll along that beach, swim in that sea and i am going to generally let myself unwind. My thoughts will probably frequently turn to Sir, thinking about what he might be doing. i will also reflect on some of the wonderful things we have done together over recent months and begin to think about the future times we will share. Mostly though i will read, catch some sun rays (there has been something of an absence of sun and warmth in the UK this summer), eat some nice food, drink some nice wine, walk, chat with our friends who live nearby and unwind.

Work has made me tired, it has been busy, but also we have the stress of knowing that from April 2013 structures of our services will have changed. When i return from my break i will have to start the process of applying for jobs (my own if it exists, or another if it doesn’t). This is a good time to pause, reflect and recharge.

When i return i will have a few more days off, which i will need to catch up on everyone’s blogs! See you then!

6 month review

In the health service, which is where i am employed, appraisals, 6 month reviews and one to one meetings with your manager are now common place. This wasn’t always so; you could go for years without being encouraged to pause and reflect on your progress. Another thing that has changed over the years is the tendency for people to be congratulated on the things they have done well, rather than to be reminded of what they have done wrong. This is progress as far as i can see.

i am about to reach something of a milestone in terms of the relationship i have with Steve. i will call him that in this post (possibly interchangeably with Sir), since he has revealed that as his name. We are approaching our 6 month review – 1st October will mark the 6 month anniversary of the first day that we chatted online. Since i will be in France on 1st Oct (hubby and i leave on Monday for a 9 day holiday), today is the day for my review.

Everyone has said that i have come a long way since then, and they are right. i almost feel like a different person, different but perhaps the same. i am still the caring wife, mum, daughter and friend. i still feel that i hold in so much of myself, that they don’t know the real me – maybe that is more true with them than it was then. Since i have a new part of my life, new experiences that none of them know about. But at the same time i have a whole range of people to share with. With Steve of course, and we do share a lot with each other, about our ordinary vanilla lives as well as TTWD. But i also have a lovely group of fellow bloggers, most but not all of them fellow women, fellow submissives who are themselves on some kind of journey (some at the beginning like me, others further along), all of us managing our day to day lives as well as our relationships.

At the start of this, i knew deep down that i was submissive, and that i needed that side of me to come out. i knew that i was curious about bondage, about exploring pain and its association with arousal, and i wanted to find out about D/s relationships. i could hardly have foreseen, however how many new experiences i would have had or how much it is possible to be fulfilled by them. Steve was nervous posting comments here as he thinks i have built him up as some kind of super person, and that by showing himself, i and others would be disappointed. Maybe i have portrayed him as almost perfect, but then i am kind of smitten by the relationship we have developed together. Plus i have little to compare him with (except hubby and they are not alike in any way). Of course no one is perfect, so he shouldn’t worry. Also since i only see him every few weeks and since we don’t have to face the daily grind together i barely need to consider his short comings, and anyway they are not related to what we do when we are together. I have found a friend though, someone i can confide in, someone with whom i can share my hopes and fears. Someone i can be honest with. For me, Mrs secretive that is a big thing.

The other big thing for me is that finally, as i approach middle age (i read this week that middle age now starts at around 55, so i have a way to go), i am sexually fulfilled. If i say that sex has been one big let down i would not be lying. i always knew that there was more to explore, but i really didn’t know just how much. When you read books, it is hard to tell how much is for real and how much is invented for the story. i didn’t have much else to go on. Hubby and i were both virgins when we met, our sex life has been dull (particularly for me) and even when he strayed into an affair, little seemed to have been learned. It is not all about him, i have not been good at expressing my needs, i have not exactly encouraged us to find out what they are. He is more interested in his own needs than mine, but at the same time i have not really helped. I now know what i like, think i like and am pretty sure i will give most things a go (within reason). Steve has helped me to explore my inner slut, and boy is she beginning to show herself!

Our most recent conversations have been about the extent to which i am developing into something of a pain slut. Who knew that would be something i would embrace quite so well. He thinks a riding crop would be a good next step. i think why not? We have some dates for the next couple of meetings which always does wonders for morale, as for what we will do, where we might go and what scenarios may be played out who knows? I am sure there will be a corset, there will be some implement with which to spank me, there will be something to tie me to his lovely bed and there will be lots of kinky sex. Also though there will be nice food, laughter, chat about nothing in particular and there will be time snuggled together just touching and kissing.

I have loved the last 6 months Sir and i am looking forward to more.