Body image

Like many women I have a problem with the way I perceive my own body. I currently weigh close to my maximum ever, though it has fallen a little lately. But even when I was a good 2 stone lighter than I am now, I struggled with my body image. I am tall, and can carry off the extra weight to some extent, but I would rather be slim.

My ex often used to pass comment when he thought I was putting on weight, not always in a nice way. But also, he rarely complemented me on the way I looked, or told me I was especially sexy or attractive. Don’t think he never did so, but usually it was about a hair cut or new dress. Well that’s my perception.

Master on the other hand likes to see my body. He compliments me all of the time, and tells me I turn him on. He wants me wearing clothes that he feels show off the best of my body. Also, he wants access to the parts he wants to be able to touch. He takes photos of me that he considers sexy and worthy of sharing and I do so too. With him, I feel happy and safe in my body. To an extent.

This might be why I had managed to lose weight and then have put it all on. Though I usually lose and gain in this cyclical way. Complacency had set in and having believed I looked sexy to him and only he mattered I stopped worrying. Now though I hate the way I look to myself, what is more the clothes I bought 2 summers ago don’t fit.

So, when I post photos of myself naked and semi naked, I will have thought long and hard about putting them out there. He likes them, I like to show my body, I am an exhibitionist. But body image is a thing for me and I choose to lose weight right now. If I can I will keep the weight off after, but that is a whole other thing.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Out and about

Today we headed out into the hills above our current base in Kobarid, Slovenia. This is an area for various sports – canoeing, kayaking and hiking in summer, skiing etc. in winter. It is also an area of historical significance, many Italian soldiers lost their lives here during the first world war.

While we encountered plenty of other people on our long walk today, there were long periods when we saw no one. In the forest you could hear only the birds and insects as well as the sound of our own feet and at times heavy breathing. No, we weren’t having sex, just two older people walking up a steep incline.

Master did manage to take a few photos of me, amongst those of the wider scenery.

 

The balcony shot

Apologies for not following the June prompt. I was set to do so, but then a photo opportunity arose this morning.

This photo was taken on the balcony  of our lovely hotel room. I really like Master’s edit of the original and I hope others like it too.

 

Sinful Sunday

#SoSS: What’s to see?

Today’s post for ‘Every damn day in June’ is also a SoSS: What’s to see on the kinky web?

Work was so busy before I came away on holiday, that I had limited time to read and also write. I’ve struggled to look at all of the Sinful Sunday’s for last week and haven’t read most of the Wicked Wednesday posts. But I have read anything that has popped into my email inbox or twitter time line. So I am not entirely behind.

I have never participated in Hyacinth’s Boob day and must get round to it some time. I usually take a peek though and was drawn to Modesty’s offering. She manages to get into some great places for both Boob day and Sinful Sunday and this is no exception.

As most people know, Marie is one of the most active bloggers in our little community. Not only does she run Wicked Wednesday and the Smut Marathon but she also contributes to Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday. This week she has posted a round up of all of the 12 word stories she has posted in May. For those that  don’t know about Story in 12, it is a Twitter based meme inviting readers to write a story in 12 words using a different prompt each day.  Started by Molly and Wriggly Kitty it has taken off really quickly and is great fun.

I met Posy Churchgate at Eroticon and we managed to have a chat, though not for as long as I would have liked as she was only there for the one day. Her post about being BDSM curious has resulted in much discussion. I came from a similar point to her, being curious and not knowing how to get my partner interested. For me though, there was no possibility of venturing into D/s or other aspects of BDSM with him. Instead I went out on my own and finally met the man I call Master. I admire the thoughtful way she is approaching this journey and the clarity she has about the importance of her long term relationship.

Finally for this post, May More has migrated her diaries from 1997. This will give us an insight to May before May Matters. I really do envy May this archive and also a life that was way more interesting than mine. I have read the first couple of posts but will be returning for much more. May was at Eroticon too, and we managed a longer chat. Trouble was it was in the pub at the social and wine was involved. Fingers crossed I get to meet up with both May and Posy again in the future.

 

It’s June, let’s post every damn day!

Hyacinth has started something new for this month to try to get herself back into the blogging way. Called: Every Damn Day in June it is about just that. Blogging every day.

I am currently on holiday in Slovenia, a country that was part of the former Yugoslavia. It borders Italy and Austria and is around a 2 hour flight from London. We should have wifi in all of the hotels we are staying as we tour around, but there is no guarantee it will work all the time. There is also no certainty that I will be able to write every day when I get home. But let’s give it a go. Posts will be a mixture of travel, general thoughts and kink. I can’t say at the moment in what proportions.

This is Lake Bled, we are staying here for a couple of nights. Tomorrow we will have the time to explore the area a little more.

 

His voice (and other things)

I don’t think we spoke on the phone before we met. I’m not even sure we had a voice conversation on MSM (remember that messaging service). Our conversations, and there were many during that week or so, were all text. But on the basis of the things that were said, we met. It was a pub and it was a Saturday afternoon.

Sitting in that pub, with my diet coke (I needed to keep my wits about me and hadn’t eaten) we sat and talked. I probably spoke much more than him. Nerves will have given me verbal diahorrea and I tend to have a lot to say anyway. I can’t remember if I was turned on by his appearance, but possibly not. There was definitely something about him though, his hand on my leg, the smell of him and his voice.

In the most, Master is softly spoken and to me his voice is a little deeper than you expect. He is a slight, slim person but when he opens his mouth there is something about the tone that stops me in my tracks, even now. With the cultured English accent of someone brought up to speak properly, he pronounces his consonants. There is little more sexy in my book than someone speaking dirty in a posh English accent. He knows a lot of stuff, he is (scarily) well read, attended one of the top universities and is intelligent. I love just listening to him speak. True to say, mind that I sometimes drift off and forget to actually listen.

Sometimes too he says things I disagree with, we don’t share the same politics for example. But we can get around that because we have the same values and some how manage to compromise.

Accent, tone of voice or other verbal cues from another can be attractive, sexy or the opposite. But a relationship is never going to develop on that basis. Master doesn’t have a toned and muscly body, he has the thinnest legs of any adult I have seen. But he is strong, fitter than he looks and has a very nice cock, plus he knows how to use it!

He is kind and considerate, looks after me but also keeps me in check. He tells me he finds me sexy and that I turn him on, just at the time I feel worst about my body. There are some irritating things about him: he has to check out facts before he believes the expertise of others and sometimes he still prefers his own view. He gets sidetracked easily so might not get things done quickly. Sometimes he can be brusque, say something another might find offensive – a case of mouth before brain. But I know his heart is in the right place and that he can probably discuss himself out of the hole he has dug.

I never believed I would find another man to be in love with. Master has taught me so much about our dynamic and helped me find out who I am. He has shared his love of books, music, film and travel. In return I have given him myself and my submission, not to mention the benefit of my own wisdom and interests.

My instinct that February day 4 years ago has proved right. I didn’t foresee we would still be together let alone that I would be about to move in with him. But I am and these are just a few of the reasons why.
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

What lies beneath?

Warm, sunny weather means shedding the jeans, trousers and leggings. It means that summer dresses can once again be worn. But what lies beneath the light and flimsy dress?

Sinful Sunday

 

The joy of kink

Just because your kink is not my kink doesn’t mean it is a hard limit

The beauty of this relationship is that it necessitates me to push those limits, to try new things.

One of those things was water sports. As you can see from this photo, taken at our hotel during Eroticon weekend this is no longer a limit. It isn’t my own kink, it is His. But I think this photo demonstrates the joy of kink.

Sinful Sunday

Elust #106

Elust 106 submiss34f Header image

Photo courtesy of submiss34f

Welcome to Elust 106

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #107? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Orgasms Save Me From Myself

Charlie’s Bar

I’m Not Ready to Love My Body

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Letters and Lonely Hearts

I Want to Curve and Ache

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Don’t fear the smear

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Transitioning Sexual Health
Don’t fear the smear
How do you make sex toys accessible?
Having a IUD fitted

Erotic Non-Fiction

Xebec
Do You Still Know How?
Old Style Porn
From behind
These Feet
Trust

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

You, Me, Her

Erotic Fiction

Orinoco Flow
Bastinado
Shivers
Spanking (A Vignette)
An Evening Out
Face To Face
In Lucy’s hands
More than Friends: Pushing Limits

Writing About Writing

The Importance of a Muse to This Writer

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Pegging and Prostate
Dating: Hope vs Delusion
Going Deeper
Conviction

Poetry

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Blogging

My secret identity: a sex-blogging superhero

 

Elust

Life continues

For over 30 years I lived with and was married to the same man. He was my first proper boyfriend and the first man I slept with. We bought a house and had a child together. But as stated many times here, on this blog things were not as they seemed. I was unhappy with my life for a long time and he was unfaithful early in our marriage.

I made a decision many years ago that I would at some time find the strength to take control of my own life. But, I spent years being ashamed that I didn’t leave when I could. That I stayed with a man I didn’t love and definitely didn’t want to sleep with, though did.

Now I am free and in the kind of relationship I want and need. But I am under no illusion about the challenges the next few months will bring.

Work

There is nothing like deciding to do something to want to act immediately. We have discussed my giving up work for months and longer. I have planned the timing with meticulous detail. Now, I am counting the days till I can resign. Trouble is, I have to give 3 months notice and I have to work out that notice. How then to keep focused and interested during that time? Heaven knows I am struggling, but with support I will see it through.

The past relationship

My not yet ex has had so much more control over me and my behaviour than he should have. I have made allowances and excuses for him for far too long. At last though, the end is in sight. This house, in which I still live, is ours and within the next few months will be theirs. From there I can move on and my life can continue in the way I want.  At last I won’t have to respond to almost daily texts and I won’t have to allow him into my home. I have been married for 34 years to the neediest man on the planet. At last I can be financially free and next divorce him.

Our relationship

One relationship of 30+ years and now another of 4. I am happy to join Master in his home, but that home doesn’t belong to me and never will. I will have the proceeds of my house sale, but not the security I have had. And yet, I feel safe that I am doing the right thing and that we have something together that we both need. Love, partnership, affection, companionship and something else. Dominance and submission. A power exchange we both need. Practical steps will be taken to safeguard my long term financial future, but that isn’t everything.

Blogging

This blog started as a statement of my journey and for now still is. But what about the future? Perhaps I am almost at my destination and so need to re think the focus. Or maybe the blog will be about a continuation of an unending journey.  Chances are it will be the latter.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked