This is another Stoxx picture. Under the bed was a cage and of course I climbed inside. I admit that I like the idea of being a caged slave more than the reality. I do prefer the comfort of a soft mattress, but it makes for a good photo.
In the cage
Surviving
For the first time in months I have paid work. This involves time spent in my office at home running a project. But also time spent some miles away, meeting with new people, asking questions and seeking answers. I only have a few weeks to get this element of the project done because we leave for France in just under 2 weeks. The work is not onerous and I am enjoying it. But I am tired and to be honest I am just surviving.
I guess months spent at home sitting about and then more recently getting myself more active haven’t quite prepared me. Writing frequent blog posts hasn’t helped my brain keep quite active enough, it seems. A few hours on Tuesday spent speaking on the phone and then a meeting in person left me with a headache. I am approaching the end of my working week, I am pretty shattered.
Am I really the same person who held down a pretty busy and responsible job a year ago? Did I really dash from meeting to meeting and then go out afterwards for the evening?
I know this is what I want to do, to work. I am doing something that I know and in a field where I am still respected. But it just shows how out of practice mind and body gets when you take a break.
Strangely I haven’t had the head space for blogging this week and was going to miss this Wicked Wednesday. But on checking the prompt I knew I would write. I’m surviving this first busy week and will also manage next week which will be a little more hectic. After that though there will be down time. There will also be the need to write up the project and of course there is money. I get paid for my first couple of days tomorrow.
Hopefully normal service will return to the blog in the next day of so and by next Wicked Wednesday I won’t just be hanging on in there.
Swinging
The idea of going to a club, getting off with and having sex with someone else has never really appealed to me. Nor has meeting up with someone on a casual basis for sex, even if my partner were fully aware. This maybe seems strange, given I cheated on my husband and started more than one relationship with other men. I don’t think swinging is nor will it ever be right for me. But, I guess I need to unpack that a bit.
I’m not sure I’m cut out for casual affairs
I like to get to know people, find out how they tick before I head to bed (or wherever) with them. I prefer my relationships to involve emotional feelings, not just lust. And if I met someone that I connected with then it wouldn’t be casual. I know that I am monogamous and can’t see that changing. Having said that, when I met Master there was the possibility that it might have ended up being a casual thing. But that says more about my state of mind at the time than anything. But, I digress.
Equally I am pretty sure I’d be jealous if Master wanted to sleep with other women. But also I know that he would be unlikely to want to have sex for the sake of it. This gets to the crux of who we are and the kind of relationship we have.
We are Dominant and submissive, Master and Slave
We go to a club that most of the time is for swingers. But we attend on days when the focus is dominance and submission. Sex takes place at those parties too, perhaps some of it is swinging, but that isn’t why we are there. For us, it is an opportunity to access space and equipment we don’t have at home. I admit there is a certain amount a lot of excitement in playing in public – seeing and being seen. But we don’t go there to have sex, we do that at home.
Would I play with another and would he?
Yes, I believe that both of us would if the desire or opportunity arose. While that might be on a casual basis I’m not sure it would include sex. If Master wanted me to play with or have sex with another man, then I would. But I don’t think I’d want that to take place at a club or to be on a casual basis. I’d want it to be thought through and planned. The same if he was to play with or have sex with another woman. Then of course we are back to the feelings of jealousy that might arise.
I once had a foursome that was casual
I’ve written before about the events that took place 6 years ago with S. We met another couple to play and have sex. It happened in a hotel room and we were all present all of the time. I had sex with both S and they other guy that evening. I had my only ever girl on girl experience and S had sex with the other woman. It was fun and extremely sexy.
It was a casual encounter in that it only happened once. But there was nothing casual fun the way it was arranged. The other woman and I spent literally months getting to know each other and a lot of time discussing what would happen.
So in conclusion
I’m not a swinger and can’t see me getting into swinging. However I would have sex / play with others at the behest of my Master. But it is unlikely that would be a casual affair.
caged
There were so many interesting pieces of equipment to try out on our recent trip to the Kinky Suite in Amsterdam. This was one of them. I guess it isn’t usually the dominant you might see caged like this. But he tried it for size and I snapped him for posterity. I think you’ll agree he looks rather appealing in there! My review of the Kinky suite can be found here.
Positivity
Another week of being mindful about my health and wellbeing has passed and I’m feeling more positive. I truly believe that to lose weight you have to be in the right frame of mind. I’m in it and I hope it lasts.
Fitness
This week I have been reading about metabolism and how to improve it. I’m a woman in the second Half of her 50’s, going through a second. drug induced menopause. So it isn’t surprising my metabolism is sluggish. Two things from my reading struck me: eating more protein and moving more. I am trying to have some protein at each meal, it is better at keeping you feeling fuller longer and has less calories than carbohydrates. But this week I have focused on moving. Once I get stuck into a book, or reading blogs etc. hours can pass me by. Then when I rise from my chair I feel stiff. So I’ve been making sure I follow the Fitbit and do at least 250 steps each hour (preferably more).
End result – more steps! Thankfully the weather has improved so I’ve been able to get out walking. Plus a brilliant victory in the swimming pool – I managed 30 lengths in 30 minutes this week which is back up to where I was some years ago. I’m really enjoying this weekly exercise and am definitely keeping it up. I am also eyeing the gym upstairs from the pool and it is only a matter of time before I take myself up there. Motivated or what?
Diet and weight loss
I’ve eaten so much salad and vegetables I’ll soon turn green! Seriously I am eating salad most lunch times and lots of veg at dinner time. I am also trying to eat more slowly. The wine consumption has increased a bit and I need to scale it back down, especially at weekends. But I have stepped up the amount of water I drink. This week I lost another 1lb so that is 4lb in 3 weeks. While I’d like more it is consistency that is important.
Planning ahead
In just over 2 weeks we head off on our 6 week trip. I’m beginning to think about how I’ll stick to my eating plan and make sure I do enough exercise. For the first week we’ll be visiting new places and staying in hotels. So, there will be plenty to walking and hopefully enough restaurants in the towns we stay in to find healthy eating options. I will need to stay away from too much bread and cheese. Plus of course wine. I need to check to see if any of the hotels have a pool as it will be good to keep that particular exercise up. Once we arrive at the apartment there is a pool in our complex, but I’ll need to swim in the mornings before all the kids arrive.
All in all I’m feeling very good about this and definitely need to keep hold of this positivity.
When I grow up
I don’t remember when I decided that I wanted to be a nurse, but I was pretty young.
As a child
I wasn’t massively into dolls as a child, but they made damn good patients. Why childhood reading often concentrated on stories about illness and recovery. I read stories about nurses, but also ones about being sick. The best ones were written by people who had been sick as children. I bandaged and splinted the dolls limbs and at every opportunity used a younger child as a patient. My brothers soon grew wise, so I had to wait till my parents friends arrived with their offspring. Little girls love to play house (or they did in the late 60’s) and took little persuasion to play hospitals instead.
Teenage me
The careers advisor was happy that I had already decided my career path. One less person to bother with. In the library there was an area devoted to further education and careers information. There I found the addresses of some London hospitals and wrote to 4 or 5.
The first couple of interviews weren’t successful. I hadn’t worked out why I wanted a career in nursing and gave some stupid answers to their questions. But I learned and was accepted at two prestigious hospitals. I was advised to do some work experience over the summer I was 18. Back then (unlike when my son was at secondary school) work experience wasn’t organised at school. So 17 year old me sorted it for myself.
The two week experience on a surgical ward was interesting and a massive eye opener. It was a bit weird as the father of one of my best friends was a patient on the ward, but I sensibly told the staff and managed to stay clear of him. Not put off by this experience, in the autumn of 1980 at 18 years and 2 months I started my nurse training.
Grown up me and nursing
I worked as a clinical nurse for 20 years, in a variety of specialities. I was a district nursing sister (just like my childhood idol Sue Barton) and a specialist nurse in rheumatology. Then I left for the world of management and a 9-5 existence.
Nursing is definitely a grown up job and not for the faint hearted. At 18 I was nursing patients with terminal cancer. A patient suffered a stroke while I was undergoing a practical assessment (not my fault) and in my second year one of my patients burst his femoral arteries in my face.
But nursing has made me the person I am. It has taught me about human kindness. Most people do care and will go above and beyond to help others. But also it has shown me that not everyone is truthful or indeed pleasant. People really will lie to your face and they will stab you in the back (not literally of course).
I got out of nursing because I was tired, fatigued by trying to care in difficult circumstances. I took a break and never went back and know it was the right thing to do.
What would I like to do be paid for now?
Well I would like to find a way to be paid for writing. In a way that does happen now as since leaving my job last year I have had a couple of professional jobs doing that. But I would love to make this blog pay. I’d love to write about something other than healthcare and get paid for it. Time and effort will tell.
A guy I knew
While I have alluded to his presence in my life some years ago, I have never actually written about Kevin on my blog. When we met for the first time he was the first person I had met through the internet. He lived about an hour away and was around 10 years older than me. I had never travelled to meet a man before and wasn’t even sure why I was meeting this one. He turned out to be kind, gentle and a good listener.
Kevin was originally from the North of the country, a former teacher turned local politician. He was a committed socialist, our values were similar, though several degrees to the left of mine. Kevin was married, he said his wife was busy doing her own thing and that she had also strayed. He was looking for a bit of fun. I wasn’t sure what I was seeking, but for a while Kevin filled the gaps in my life.
Over the course of a couple of summers we met every few weeks, for lunch and then a kiss and a cuddle. This often took place in a field or wooded area in the countryside. He fancied me like mad and touched me a lot. He gave amazing orgasms both with his hands and tongue. I hadn’t experienced the like before. Recently diagnosed diabetes has rendered him impotent, so much so that he was unable to get and erection. So he made every encounter about me.
Gradually we drifted apart. He definitely had other women, given he accidentally sent me the wrong text more than once. Plus he worked / volunteered crazy hours as a local politician, especially during elections. Then I met S and I told Kevin that I thought it best we didn’t meet any more. He was gracious and we continued to text each other on birthdays and Christmas. But I didn’t see Kevin after summer 2012.
A year or so ago, a message appeared on facebook saying he had been diagnosed with cancer and was about to start treatment. He was a long term smoker, perhaps I wasn’t massively surprised by the news. I texted to send good wishes and then when I received my own diagnosis I texted again and we exchanged a few words of encouragement to each other. I never heard from him again.
This week I decided to drop him a line to check how he was. I didn’t receive a reply. Today I googled him and discovered he died at the beginning of May. He was well known in his home town and so I found details of the death, funeral and a memorial service in his honour. A public occasion attended by 500 people. clearly a testimony to the man he was.
Kevin was a guy I knew for a while. He was kind and funny, passionate and loving. I don’t know if his wife knew of the other women in his life, my husband at the time certainly didn’t know. I am proud to have known him and sad that this is the only place I can say goodbye to him.
Elust #119
Photo courtesy of Floss Does Life
Welcome to Elust 119–
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #119? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~
Poly wobbles Friendly Concern Unmentionable~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~
Breakthrough Wait Silently~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~
Sensual Indulgence, Familiar and New *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
Teaching (from) the bottom (part 1) An Intro to Ethical Cum Tributes What is Dominance? Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast 105 [w transcript] Unmentionable Lifestyle In the wildSex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Laughter, The Best Aphrodisiac I Hate Bullies!Erotic Non-Fiction
Devilish Threesome Fun Cumming Awake Flying ChasteBody Talk and Sexual Health
How Taking Nudes Taught Me To Love Myself Guest post: Trans access to abortionErotic Fiction
Milky Way More Than Friends Prologue Desperate Twisted ~ Into The Woods ~ Lana’s Story A Gift to the Gods A New Fetish Coitus Interruptus Vampyr Making herself availableWriting About Writing
Smut Marathon – Round 4 ThoughtsThoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A True Friend Trust your landmark and run through the smoke I’m not interested.Poetry
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General frustrations
My laptop has been playing up big time and that has put me off of blogging so much recently. Coupled with a blog that spent as much time down as up this weekend and it is no wonder I have been absent. But my blog host has rebuilt their server and I have a new MacBook on order. The one I’m using now is over 6 years old and I think it may well be on it’s last legs.
We completed my tax return for the last tax year last week and I am due a reasonably large rebate. Big enough to allow for the extravagance of another Apple product! Anyway I digress from the main frustrations of life.
Weight loss
Friday was weigh day and I had lost 1lb. Despite filing my face with spinach, tomatoes and other salad stuff all week that is. Maybe looking back one or two bad habits had slipped back in (i.e more than one glass of wine), so that will be rectified this week. But anyway a loss is just that and I plough on.
Exercise
The weather last week was terrible. For several days it rained almost constantly, so although I walked to the pool on Tuesday my step count was down considerably. So, I have downloaded a fitness app and am now exercising 2-3 times a week in doors. The exercises so far seem good because I can feel them later, though have recovered the next day. Tomorrow is Tuesday and I plan to walk and swim again.
Work
So, just when I thought I wouldn’t be working this side of autumn I have a project to do. I’m reviewing some health services the other side of London for the next few weeks before we go to France. This is going to involve much time at the computer (hence the decision to buy the new laptop). It will also mean a night or two away, which will be worth it for getting things done quickly and not spending too much time driving. This week I am planning everything and will be out and about next week. Then I’ll take some of my holiday time to write up the report. As it’s through and agency I’ll be getting paid weekly and that is a great bonus.
Health
Last week I saw one of the surgeons, they alternate with the oncologists. He seemed pretty happy with progress which was great. I am due my first annual mammogram in October which will be a landmark event. My plastic surgery appointment about the reconstruction is in September, so I am now free from health appointments for the summer.
So that is my FFF, late again. Other contributors can be found on Fondle’s blog here.
On the cross
Sometimes you just have to relax into the moment and let the inevitable happen. Photo taken by Master at Stoxx.