Sex and getting older

“There are six myths about old age: 1. That it’s a disease, a disaster. 2. That we are mindless. 3. That we are sexless. 4. That we are useless. 5. That we are powerless. 6. That we are all alike.”

Maggie Kuhn

I haven’t written for the Erotic Journal Challenge for a while, but luckily this is catch up week. I’ve decided to turn my attention to sex and ageing. None of us can avoid getting older, but we can do something about our own attitude and maybe that of others. There was a time that I thought 56 was really old, actually I thought 30 was old. It turns out I was wrong, I’m still not old, but I am definitely getting older.

Sex in my 50’s

I didn’t start this blog until 4 months before my 50th birthday. Sex in my 40’s had been pretty dull and I was determined my 50’s would be different. And so it has proved.

During this decade of my life I have discovered so much more about my body than I would ever have imagined. Partly through self examination and experimentation (mainly in relation to orgasms), and also through having two partners who have helped to guide me. This has meant I have experienced anal sex, multiple orgasms and orgasm control amongst other things.

I don’t have the hugest libido in the world but once I get aroused I’m up for most things. It turns out all I needed was a man to push me towards trying new things, or to having sex at different times of the day. Together Master and I have experimented with various pieces of equipment to aid or sexual journey, things like the sex swing and fucking machine.

Our bodies are ageing

There is no doubt that we have less stamina than we did in our 20’s and 30’s. Master is unable to ejaculate more than once a day and perhaps less than that. Morning times are usually better for him and now I am not working we have plenty of time. We also have to pace ourselves and when we have been strenuous in other ways our bodies are often tired. One way to help is taking a bath, something we love to do together. In the future we hope to have our own hot tub, but mean time we make do with our regular bath which luckily has a jacuzzi function.

But we are not willing to just turn over and go to sleep. We can spend time cuddling up together, mutually masturbating each other including orally. As I mentioned there are toys to help things along. The sex swing was purchased when Master had a frozen shoulder and sex in bed was often painful.

The experience of life and a desire to be fulfilled sexually means that we are willing to try new ways and enjoy different equipment. And of course I am always keen to write about it.

The future

We are determined to grow older together as disgracefully as possible and we intend to keep having sex for as long as we can. Keeping as fit and healthy as possible is probably key and so keeping active will help. But as I said at the beginning we are actually pretty young still. It’s just we can recognise the ageing process as it happens. I guess that means we can deal with new problems as they arise. Plus you can be sure I will write about them here.

Thinking about rules

I’ve written a few times recently about rules. In September for Food for Thought Friday I wrote about the rules of life and a little about my relationship. Then in May, for this series I wrote about how we negotiated our power exchange relationship. But in this post I’ll go into a little more detail about our rules and how they impact our relationship.

Why have rules?

In a relationship such as this, it is important to know how the power exchange dynamic will work and with whom the buck stops. The key thing for me, the slave to remember is that I have agreed to give the power and responsibility for decision making to my Master. This rule is unwritten but understood. That isn’t to say I can’t move without having to ask, far from it. But in all important issues that involve us both I do defer to him.

This takes us to one of the reasons we have such rules. It’s because I need to give up the part of myself that seeks to control everything to him. There, I’ve said it – I need this and he knows it. What is more, he wants to take that control from me so that I am free to serve him and to be his submissive, his slave.

Then why do I fight against it?

It is difficult to change habits of an adult lifetime. It is hard to admit that this is what I need and even more difficult to become dependent upon someone else. I have fought hard through life for my independence, so why would I give it up? Well, I am and I am not. On one hand I am still free to make day to day decisions. But I don’t need to do so alone, nor do I need to have the final say. I can confer and I can ask for help. But it has taken 5 years to get to the realisation that I want it.

But, we are also codependent. He is my Master but also my partner and best friend. We discuss pretty much everything we are going to do that affects me or us both. He mostly discusses things he is thinking of with me, but doesn’t have to. This is a learning process for us both and is something we continue to work on. After all, we came together later in life than many couples.

Contractual rules

We have recently been renegotiating the contract we agreed on in 2014. Much has changed since then, including that our relationship is more committed and that we live together. They can be found below.

  1. “This girl” freely and willingly gives control of her mind and her body to her Master Diogenes
  2. “This girl” freely and willingly gives her holes to her Master for His use and pleasure
  3. “This girl” freely and willingly gives her orgasms to her Master whenever He requires
  4. “This girl” freely and willingly gives her limits to her Master  
  5. “This girl” will modify her body to please Her Master, including tattoos, piercings, hairstyle and shaping of her pubic hair as He requires
  6. “This girl” freely and willingly accepts that she is her Master’s registered slave under the number 798-167-302
  7. “This girl” wants and needs to serve her Master as His Pleasing Bitch
  8. “This girl” will try to please her Master in everything she does
  9. “This girl” accepts that her Master Diogenes is her Lord
  10. “This girl” will wear a buttplug twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays in order to make her arse-cunt more pleasing for her Master

Many of the specific rules we had in place previously are now encompassed within number 8. I know what they are and tend to do them without thinking. But number 10 is one that i often forget to do and in fact need to attend to right now. Since today is Tuesday.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Thoughts on pain

I struggle, even after all this time to understand my body’s reaction to pain. After all pain is meant to be a stimulus that warns us that things are not right, that we should take flight. But the right kind of pain delivered in a certain way isn’t at all like that.

Until I met S, I had never participated in play where pain led to sexual arousal. But when he told me that flogging my backside with a leather implement made my cunt ooze I felt excited. And so began a wonderful journey to pain and arousal.

Pain isn’t a huge element in the relationship Master and enjoy. But it is an important one. Pain is something reserved for play. The intimacy we exerience when I am leant over a bench, legs spread is unique. For him, the time he spends feeling between my legs for my reaction is as important as the impact of the lashes inflicted upon my cheeks.

I glow red for minues or perhaps an hour. But the effect on my cunt can last for days. I am a pain slut, but you won’t see the evidence visually. Instead the signs are subtle. Pain brings out my submissive nature, it helps me feel and see who I am. It shows him the impact (in many ways) of his actions and reminds me of what I am.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

The softer side of Rotterdam

The large windows in our hotel room provided a great photo opportunity. Perhaps this shows the softer side of Rotterdam? But also the fact the Master is increasingly willing to appear as a sinful Sunday subject and not just the photographer. Though in this image he is both.

Master in soft focus superimposed on a view of Rotterdam harbour
Sinful Sunday

Review – The kinky suite Amsterdam

Last week we stayed at another self contained kinky room / suite / apartment. (See here and here for our previous encounters). It occured to me that it would be useful for me and others if I posted a review of places like this as we visit. I’m pretty sure we will visit others, plus if there’s interest I will devote a page so I can build up a resource.

Venue and Location

This little apartment is pretty much in the middle of the red light district. It is almost next door to one of the ‘coffee houses’, if that’s your thing. Plus there are bars, restaurants and sex shops near by. Arrival can be by taxi, or a 10 minute walk from Central station but there is no parking (as is usual in Amsterdam).

The Lay out

The Kinky Suite is on 3 levels, though you have to go upstairs to the first level. The kitchen is well laid out and is well appointed. Coffee and tea is provided and there is a huge fridge and a microwave and coffee machine. The supermarket is just around the corner for supplies. Next to the kitsch is the living area which has ample seating and TV with loads of music and films. Plus a corner area, where a slave could kneel for punishment.

On the second level is the bedroom and bathroom. The bed is a huge 4 poster with a cage underneath, plus benches to lean over, areas to be restrained in. Essentially the sky is almost the limit. Floggers and other impact toys are provided but if you need anything else, you’ll need to bring it with you.

The bathroom contains a huge jacuzzi bath as well as shower. The toilet is separate.

Upstairs again is a tiny room. This is described as the mirror room, essentially it contains a sex swing over a large bed and mirrors.

Our impressions of The Kinky Suite

This was by far the most spacious kinky place we have stayed in, partly because of it being on 3 levels. We particularly liked the bed which was large and comfy, the swing and mirrors. I especially loved having sex while looking at us from a number of angles, now that was hot. We also enjoyed the jacuzzi, we went to Lush and bought some bath bombs and used the bath twice.

I often struggle to relax when I first arrive in these places, especially if we have had a busy time already that day. This was no exception, so kicking off with a bath was an excellent start. Also Amsterdam is a fantastic city so it is difficult to fit in kink and time to explore, eat and drink. So, next time (and there will be a next time) we will stay for 2 nights.

Corner area in the living room.

Master reckons the cost is similar to staying in one of the more up market central city hotels. It isn’t a cheap option but it feels like a good one for this city. The amenities in the apartment would lend themselves for some self catering and I think that’s what we’ll do next time.

Any downsides?

The stairs are pretty steep, so care is needed and it might not suit anyone with mobility problems. The bath is huge and takes ages to fill, but there is plenty of hot water. The shower was less good, so we both used the shower in the bath next morning.

The location is great for exploring and being in the centre of things. But it also makes it noisy with late night revellers and dust carts in the early morning. But maybe the first priority is not sleep?

The key thing though is to allow enough time for play and that’s something we didn’t really do this time.

Fit for Friday #8

I should be up to week 21 or something but for me this is the 8th post. I guess though that doesn’t matter.

Fitness

On Wednesday we returned from 6 days travelling to Holland, via France and Belgium. We mostly stayed in hotels which was a challenge for the diet (more of that below). But there was plenty of opportunity for walking. In fact, my legs still ache! Last week’s step count was up from 61,000 to 66,000 and this week will be even better. My best day last week was 12,517 on Saturday when we visited a beautiful town for a music festival. This increase has prompted me to increase my Fitbit daily target from 9,000 to 10,000. I plan to keep up this level of walking where possible. I haven’t been swimming this week for obvious reasons but might try twice next week.

Food intake

I have recorded my meals religiously over the past 2 weeks, but while away recording exact portions was challenging. I also know that some snacks and drinks went unrecorded. So my plan this week is to be more accurate. I also need to look at portion sizes a bit more than I am used to. I am determined to lose some weight so this week am going to drastically reduce my alcohol intake.

Weight

Not surprisingly I put on a couple of pounds while away on holiday. But am focused on losing that over the next week. We have 5 weeks till we go away again and ideally I’d like to lose a stone in weight by then. Let’s see if this resolution is better kept than the last 25! I feel positive though and positivity brings results!

Health

All is good on the health front. I have a scan this coming week as part of the preparation for my breast reconstruction. More about that next week.

I took the decision yesterday not to go back to work just now. while I like the idea of working again, the job being offered was, I fear going to lead to stress but not fulfilment. It was below my previous pay scale, and they were just a little over keen on having me. The crunch came when I was asked to go to a 9am interview this morning. I decided no thanks. So for now, I remain a lady of leisure.

Landmarks in my blogging history

This week’s Food For Thought Friday is about Landmarks. It is also a landmark occasion because this is the last theme that the wonderful Kilted Wookie will host, because he is handing the baton to May and Floss. I have participated in F4TF 22 times, plus another twice during it’s previous incarnation. Then, it was one of the first memes I ever took part in. I have enjoyed participating and will continue to do so.

So, onto my landmarks.

My first blog

I started my first blog on wordpress.com about 15 years ago (at a guess). Later I switched it to blogger (I’m not entirely sure why). It was about my work and home life and through it I met other nurses and people involved in healthcare across the world. It led to me moderating a forum and then when the platform was sold to me receiving a rather nice gift. An early iPod. I could have had an iPhone, but they weren’t yet available in the UK.

When I decided to start a sex / relationship blog, I deleted it. I was fearful of the two being linked. It really is one of my biggest regrets as I was proud of much of the content. If I ever started this blogging lark again, I would make sure I kept the content.

My first post on World of Joolz

In April 2012 I had just embarked on my BDSM journey. I decided to start a blog about it. Because I was beginning a long distance relationship, I soon discovered that content came in fits and starts. So I began to look for memes. This started with things like 30 days of me, 30 days of submission etc. These have proved to be an interesting way of expressing my thoughts and understanding of topics. They are also good to go back to and revisit. Now that my journey is 7 years long, there is plenty of material to do that with. This is a link to my Questions and answers posts, and includes the current one – 30 days of D/s.

Joining the sex blogging community

My experience of my nursing blog told me that visiting other people’s blogs was a great way of getting them to come and visit you. But if you don’t tell them you have been and enjoyed their content, then they only see a number of their stats. when I started World of Joolz I had little knowledge of BDSM and D/s lifestyles, but by visiting blogs I discovered a whole world of experience. My visitor numbers were always modest, but at least people came and left their own mark. In the main supportive and encouraging rather than mean and judgmental, something I had encountered previously.

But it was probably by joining Twitter in January 2016 that I found a community of people I could really get to know. Partly because more of that group are based here in the UK and some of them live pretty close by. But also that encouraged me to participate in other memes and ultimately to attend Eroticon.

Statistics

Over the past 18 months or so I have noticed a large increase in my blog statistics. Something I put down to participation in the Smut Marathon and attendance at Eroticon. I moved to self hosting in 2017 though had actually bought the site two years before hand. All of the original posts from 2012 onwards are also on the site and some of them still attract a reasonable number of page views. The average views per day have increased in that time from 60-70 to around 200. This might be small numbers to many blogging colleagues but it feels significant to me. It makes it difficult to stick to my original purpose of writing for myself.

In 2015 I wrote more words than in any other year, 105,000 in 286 posts. However I may well beat that number this year, as I am currently up to 51,000 in 130 posts. That shows I still have something to say, since I rarely if ever write for the sake of it.

Landmarks for the future

This is the longest I have written consistently in any format. I love writing my blog and for Master and I it is an important part of our communication processes. This is a place where I can write anything, though I know I do censor the things I write. I guess that everyone does. Perhaps this is an area I need to consider.

I will continue to write for as long as I have something to say and right now I have no plans to stop. I would like to write more fiction, but my head hasn’t been in the right space for that recently. I would also like to explore writing opinion pieces that require research.

There have been a number of landmarks for my blog, and hopefully there will be lots more to come.

Food for Thought Friday Badge - Landmarks

Laughter and joy

There were times in my life when laughter didn’t come easily. I spent more time alone than I would care to and socialised less that I’d like. Times when words were spoken in resignation and anger than joy. Those days are thankfully past. Even if Master and I are having an off day, if we bicker or exchange hurtful words, I am secure in my relationship. I am happy and am able to laugh.

We find so much amuses us every day. Whether it’s something we have done, or forgotten to do. Or else an observation of something that amuses us. We laugh a lot, and if we have others to laugh with, then all the better. 

At the weekend we had the pleasure of spending time with @RebelsNotes and @MasterT. We met for drinks and followed up with dinner. It gave us the opportunity to get to know each other much better than is possible at an event like Eroticon. There was no shortage of happy conversation and much laughter.

The opportunity to make new friends is a rare thing for us. We do many things together as a couple, but often just the two of us. When we are in a group, say at a munch or event then discussion is often generalised and impersonal. But this was different, I was able to relax and get to know them and I hope the same was true for them. A particular moment of laughter came when I realised that I didn’t know which French port I had arrived in Europe to. A little embarrassing, but funny all the same. The fact that I was willing to laugh at myself with them was a sign I was relaxed in their company.

The four of us enjoyed a Japanese meal together and were able to try the different dishes together and to share. It was a most enjoyable and happy experience and a real highlight of our trip. I hope very much we can do it again sometime.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Live in the light

To love life is to live in the light.” 
― Lailah Gifty Akita

I am standing below a beautiful chandilier looking into a mirror. My face is obscured by the light and I am naked.

We are spending the weekend in a beautiful hotel in The Netherlands. Our room gives an opportunity for rest, relaxation and calmness. It also provides the perfect setting for self photograph.

Sinful Sunday

Photographs of me

I am kneeling on the bed my ankles in a spreader bar. There is a clamp attached to my labia. My wrists are cuffed.
A photo from 2014, only recently shown on the blog


It’s been a while since I participated in Food For thought Friday. But this topic caught my eye and so having just written my Wicked Wednesday post, as I cross the English Channel on a ferry, I seem to be on a roll!

Before the internet


The first photos of me wearing little or nothing (other than on the beach, but somehow that’s different) were taken about 15 years ago. I’d got chatting online to a man who lived in Scotland. There was little chance of us meeting up, but we partook in some phone sex. He sent photos of himself to me and I did the same. There was a certain thrill in sending a naked photo of myself in the shower to a semi stranger. It never occurred to me that they might be shared further or could end up on the internet. Thankfully he is a trustworthy guy that I am still in touch with, though in a completely vanilla way these days.

Getting involved in the internet era


Until the advent of cameras with phones and the ability to share photos digitally I had never taken a naked photo of myself. Nor had anyone else taken one of me. The major issue (if I’d even thought of doing it) was that you had to send photos off to be developed. Or else take them to a shop. The idea of collecting photos that people might considered risky never entered my head.


It wasn’t really until I met Master that I posted photos of myself on my blog. There had been the odd one or two, but I made sure I was unrecognisable. Most of the photos I used at the time were of other people, often taken from Tumblr blogs. S took a few photos of me when we were together, and I think I posted one or two of them. Indeed I don’t actually have many more of myself from that time.

A new age


From the beginning of this relationship though, Master photographed me naked or wearing various leather harnesses. He also took photos of me during play and still does. Then once I joined Sinful Sunday and then February Photofest I also began to take more images of myself. These have usually been with my mobile, but on occasion with my digital camera and tripod.


For a long time I made sure my face was hidden or distorted in some way. But more recently, since work and potentially losing my career became less of an issue I have become much more brazen. There are images I would hesitate to show and do. These are photos of my vulval area. Though I have done so on occasion.


I don’t really fear people I know finding my blog and exposing me. The only people who I want to protect now are my son and close family. But I think the chance of one of them discovering pictures of me online are slim. If it happened, I’d have to deal with the embarrassment but I don’t have a reputation or career to lose. That doesn’t mean I’m not careful, because I am. But this blog and others in this genre are relatively niche. So I feel it is worth the risk. Plus I Iike sharing my images with you all.