The good, the bad and slightly bizarre

I have been wondering how to describe the last couple of days and maybe this will sum it up! Perhaps reverse order, like X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and Miss World? Warning: this will be quite a long post so I am splitting it into two.

Slightly Bizarre
Sir was very pleased with himself. He found a lovely B&B in the middle of the City, overlooking the Cathedral. It was very nice, and the room was lovely. The bed was low, but it was beautiful. If a Person arrived there organised, with rope then their Sub could be tied to that bed nicely. Still we weren’t to know, and sadly despite the lovely spacious room, with its lovely bed, beautiful bathroom, we won’t be able to visit again. This is directly related to the decision i made aproximately a week or more ago that staying over would be a step too far.

Cheating on hubby doesn’t come easily to me, i am new to it. Indeed i would say i am learning how to be Sir’s slut more quickly and efficiently than learning to be particularly adventurous or good at telling lies. Usually in a year i might stay out overnight once or twice and i have already done that 3 times (only one of those with Sir mind you, the others on bonefide work trips). I should have made this number 4 but instead i decided to go home and then return to Sir bright and early. This was a mistake in a small B&B. The lady of the house met me at the front door as i left, and asked where i was going and what about my husband? I managed to escape but then getting into my car realised i had left my glasses in Sir’s room (damn Sir’s glasses fetish, contact lenses are often more convenient)! Sir brought my glasses down, which involved him needing to interact with Mrs lady of the house!

i returned in the morning; Sir told me that she continued to refer to me as his wife, though he had never told her i was such a person. She greeted me as i came in feeling not a little embarrassed, but to be honest Sir kept me busy for a good hour or more after that (more later).

i had brought a bag with me, with the sorts of things a girl might need when meeting her lover on a summers evening (stockings, suspenders, a variety of toys and fuck me shoes to name but a few things). These were packed in the bag as we prepared to leave at around 10.30.

At around 3pm, as i dropped Sir at the station it became apparent that while we had Sir’s belongings we did not have mine. Luckily Sir had suggested he take home with him a number of items  – maids outfit and my split bra and knickers (Sir particularly likes these), so these were in his bag. After leaving Sir to get his train i returned to the B&B and Mrs lady of the house.

She opened the door with a little smile. The kind of smile that tells you she has had a good look and has a mental view of every item – the egg vibe with remote control, the butt plug, the vibrator (the last 2 not used on this occasion), the suspender belt, stockings and the black 4 inch heels. “you will be needing this” she said as i practically ran to my car and drove off. Sir’s text later showed he found all of this VERY amusing.

The moral. Be brave, stay the night with your man and don’t forget your bag especially if its contents are a little on the embarrassing side!

The Bad

This bit will be short, since not much was actually bad.

The weather could have been better; have i mentioned how terrible this summer is proving, well it is! There was rain and when it wasn’t raining it wasn’t entirely dry. Still we didn’t let the weather cause us too much trouble since we are British people who are used to it!

Sir felt a little off colour over the two days. However he didn’t really let it prevent us having some pretty good sex. OK so he wasn’t necessarily up to his own very high standards, but they were way higher than those offered up by most men. i was not disappointed!

Nothing else was especially bad. Good will follow shortly!

Got to get my thoughts in order

Don’t get me wrong, Monday and Tuesday with Master were great. They were a little different from our other encounters, a mixture of great sex, lovely cuddles, a little (slightly) naughty public stuff, quite a bit of cultural touristy stuff, a little shopping and two very nice, but different meals out. But i really need to get the events sorted into some kind of order so that i can write a reasonably coherent blog post.

As a little taster i can reveal that Sir spanked me soundly and that i enjoyed it very much. i can also reveal that Sir had a very nice, spacious room which lent itself nicely to some great play. i can reveal that the remote toy worked well; Sir enjoyed the control he had over it very much and i found it very erotic. i definitely made a mistake in not being bold enough to stay the night and will go into more detail of the rather bizarre consequences of my going home and coming back the next morning.

Mostly though it was just really nice to spend some quality time with Sir, to be able to chat, to walk the streets hand in hand and to enjoy meals out together.

More later, work beckons…..

New month, new look

i have given myself a makeover, as i wasn’t all that sure about the orangeness i had before. i quite like the new look, what do you think?

This blog makeover led me to think about what to write about today, and my appearance seems to be something worthy of a post, so here goes.

Since i have been seeing Sir i have been thinking much more about my appearance and about the clothes i wear. It is not that previously i looked like someone who had been dragged through a bush and then went around wearing a sack, far from it. But i wore trousers a lot, rarely bothered with make up and rarely took the time to match my underwear. Sir prefers to see my legs and he likes  me in stockings, preferably held up with a suspender belt. Since i threw out all of the suspender belts i ever owned some time ago, i have had to invest in new ones. Plus since i am tall, i have had to explore which supplier of stockings suits my height and build best. Over the last few months i have had some difficult moments with stockings being too short and suspender belts wanting to follow them down to my feet!

Sir likes me out and about without knickers, even when he is not with me. i have actually enjoyed doing this for him. Knowing there is nothing between my bare pussy and ass and the outside world, other than my skirt tends to focus my mind on what i am doing and how i move. It makes me think of who i am, what i am and who i am doing this for. That i expect is the point of the exercise. i don’t do this all of the time, i am human, i like to wear trousers, sometimes it is windy and sometimes i just plain forget and wear knickers. i also cannot and will not wear stockings all the time when he isn’t around me. For a start, bare legs are best for summer and even though the weather in the UK has so far been mainly unsummer like, i like to make the point to the world that this is summer.

The other issue is shoes. As i said above i am tall. i tend to wear shoes that are either flat, or else with just a small heel. I do own shoes with heels, but tend not to wear them all that much. Actually i do look quite good in heels, i have long legs and they do lend themselves well to a heel.

Sir is shorter than me in height, indeed this is the first time i have been with someone who isn’t taller than me. He seems to like it and to be honest he has other features that mean i don’t mind if he doesn’t. We are settling on the very high heels for the bedroom (as it were) and perhaps slightly less high for when we are out and about. This means i am less taller than him and also can actually walk.

The final thing which i have changed relates to hair (pussy rather than that on my head). Since i have been seeing Sir i have removed it all and kept it pretty much shaved. Hubby has always been on at me to do this, and i have resisted in the past, but now i am bare down there, i actually like it. i am quite a hairy person if i don’t shave / use hair removal products, so always removed some hair. But actually the feel of my own bare skin is something i have decided i like for myself as well as for him.

Still to attend to is my weight. i have a constant battle with it and just lately i feel it is creeping up (well actually i know it is creeping up) and i need to get better control of my food intake, and of my exercise regime. This is something Sir can’t really help with, and i know it is something i need to do myself. And i will.

More Saturday thoughts

It’s been a busy day, but everything i have done today has been filled with thoughts of Monday.

Yesterday we chatted on the phone. Indeed we didn’t just chat, Sir made me come in the office of my Director. As He reminded me, i have come a long way since we met 3 months ago. We had chatted via Yahoo for a few minutes, with Sir pressing me further and further within the confines of my office to first spread my legs then to touch myself. The office is open plan, but Friday is comparatively quiet, so i had just one person next to me, though people behind and in front.  Then he phoned. He and i knew i had somewhere to take the call. I was pretty excited, since i haven’t even touched myself in two whole weeks by this time.

As we talked, Sir had me touch myself; i stood behind the closed door to do so. We talked about what we will do on Monday and what we have done before. i came easily (who wouldn’t given the restraint i have offered over the last two weeks).

Sir has apparently bought me a present for Monday, but won’t say what it is.
i have bought the remote controlled egg.

Such potential fun means that apprehension and tension is high!

So during ironing, shopping, lunch with hubby,  a walk by a canal with hubby, home for a couple of hours, tea with the inlaws then a tortuous wimbledon match involving Andy Murray, and the drive involved in getting to a from these places, all involve me thinking about Monday.  What is more i am handed the anxiety of a potential wet day on Tuesday and the thought that i may have to bring Sir here rather than enjoy outside fun.

Saturday thoughts

i like Saturdays. The one day of the week when i nether have to go to work today or tomorrow, don’t get me wrong, i do like work, i enjoy my job very much, but i also like days when i don’t work. On Saturdays i tend to get up early. I tend not to sleep late these days and actually i like to get up when the house is quiet and i like to get my laptop out and see what is going on in the webworld. Lately i like, while i am alone, to think about what has happened, might happen and blog about it here. Pain’s Pleasure’s blog post yesterday has inspired the words i am writing this morning.

For the last few months, since i decided to explore more about D/s i have read so much both online and off. I have been struck by just how much information is out there and just how many well thought out, well written words there are out there for people like me to find. i have also been struck by how welcoming people can be to their community when you happen to stumble across it and leave a mark or two of your own. As i have mentioned before, i don’t even have friends i can talk about the state of my marriage with, let alone discuss what i like to do with the man i am illicitly having an affair with. So being offered the hand of contact and perhaps in time virtual friendship is very welcome.

I am struck by the extent to which the blog world provides an opportunity to see such a wide range of lifestyles and interests, while at the same time feeling like a community. i found this before when blogging about nursing. Through writing a nursing / work related blog, i have found that our lives while different, are often so so similar. i have found that people across the world with similar interests have many more similarities than they do differences. The same seems to go for the BDSM world. As with nursing, there are many specialities, different ways of living the lifestyle, but something brings those people together. My blog roll here is getting longer and this is now one of the first places i come to when turing on my computer. i love to see what has been happening to people, or how their wonderful vivid imaginations are working. i enjoy thinking about the lifestyles people are living and wondering if that is something i would want to consider.

Would i want to live a 24/7 lifestyle, could i do it?  Possibly, and certainly i would like the opportunity to live it much more than i am now. 

Am i slave material? Probably not, i am probably much too mouthy, far too used to being controlling over my own life. I am also not sure about domestic discipline type stuff – this is one of many things that Fondlers Anonymous has been discussing here

Do i want to be spanked more, given that Sir isn’t really all that keen on inflicting pain in that way? Mind you he has got the hang of causing pretty acute pain to my nipples and breasts once he realised what it did to my ability to submit. So maybe.

So as i get on with Saturday, and i must get on with the less enjoyable part (ironing then shopping to do), before getting onto more fun things (a walk and lunch with hubby), i have to say a big thank you to the people i have met online so far, to those whose blogs are helping expand my mind and thoughts and who have welcomed me into their world.

While at times i am really struggling with my emotions, i can honestly say i am feeling much happier with life than i was 3 months ago when all this began for me. Of course alot of that is about my lovely Master, but much of it is about so much more!

Submission

We are chatting on Yahoo, which is now our main source of correspondence, about next week. He asks what time i will arrive and we discuss what time we will eat dinner. He says that he hopes that we make it to the restaurant. i suggest that he exerts some control and makes sure that we do. He tells me that HE will decide what happens and when. i am in my place, and guess what i love it!

As with many people whose relationship is growing and developing, we discuss all sorts. On Sunday, given the events proceeding on the TV at the time (England losing as usual in a penalty shootout) we discussed that, our weekends, our families, his cold. i do like to discuss normal things, but i also like it when the conversation turns. i love it when he suddenly says: “you know what you will be doing as soon as you walk into the hotel room”? Of course i know, and just the very thought of being on my knees, collar on my neck, his cock in my mouth causes a little gush from below (no i haven’t wet myself). We move on to discussing the remote bullet i am hoping to purchase this week. He loves the idea of being in control of me while say, i am ordering dinner in the restaurant with tablecloths. Then he says he may make me wear a plug too. i am torn between that thrill of humiliation and fear of walking through the streets of a city near here wondering if what is inside will stay there. Another slight gush! i ask if i will be permitted to wear shoes that i can actually walk in. Yes he says, so long as i bring along some good killer heels for the room. We move onto what i have been wearing this weekend. Trousers i say – well who wouldn’t with the weather we had last week and at the weekend. i know he likes to think of me in a skirt at all times, but this is never happening. He considers a punishment for some clothing misdemeanour, since he hasn’t yet told me i can wear knickers again. i am all for punishment, don’t worry about that.

i really love the fact that a conversation for say an hour can make you feel so turned on. i really love the fact i can live on anticipation. It is 11 days since i was with Sir and was permitted what felt like 100 orgasms. Today is the first day that i would like to masturbate. This is something of a record for me as before i met sir 3 times a day would be the norm. He would be OK if i decided that i needed to get out my rabbit, though he prefers it if he is around in some way (on the phone for example), but actually i am going to try to last out. I think doing so will be good for me and for my submission. As he says i am a willing student and he is my very willing Master!

Photo obtained from here

Preparations begin again

A week tomorrow i will be with Sir again. This time, he has a few days off work and is coming to stay nearby. We will be able to see each other both on Monday evening and much of the day on Tuesday. i would love to spend the night with him, but in order not to arouse unnecessary suspicion i am spending the night at home. In reality this will also allow us to get some rest – if previous encounters are anything to go by. Sir has booked the accommodation, i am in charge of booking the restaurant for dinner. He wants me to book somewhere where they have table cloths on the tables, this is not all that easy these days. He obviously has in mind to be a little naughty while we are out and about.

When you are in a relationship like this, there needs to be planning. Time is precious and there is a feeling that you don’t want to waste it. But we are learning not to over plan, since a bit of spontaneity is a very good thing and certainly adds to the eroticism of the moment. i know though that i won’t be able to help myself thinking about what i will wear, down to the underwear (or lack of it). i will be thinking of those first few moments in the room with Sir and how things will progress. i will be thinking of the meal and wondering what He has in mind for me during it. We have been discussing my getting one of those remote controlled eggs for him to control. i am definitely up for that one. i will be thinking of the weather, because on Tuesday we want to be able to get outside. Of course neither of us can control that one!

All in all it feels really exciting; i just have to get through this next week to get there!

Mixed Feelings

Today is my Wedding Anniversary. Hubby and i have been married for 28 years, this by anyones reckoning is a very long time. i am not necessarily good at remembering past events in detail, but i am pretty sure i remember large parts of this one, even down to the weather. It was a cloudy but warm day and rained during the evening. Like most  young brides i went into the whole thing full of romance, nearly as much in love with the idea of the wedding as i was with my new husband.

You could describe the last 28 years as a rollercoaser. At various times i have considered myself content and happily married and at other times much much less so. The first few years were particularly tricky, i remember the period soon after the wedding when i confided in a friend that marriage was less exciting than i had expected. I couldn’t put my finger on why i wasn’t completely happy since hubby hadn’t done anything wrong at them time. We had a party when we had been married for 5 years. I arranged it because i felt that against some kind of odds we had reached a milestone. He rewarded me by having an affair with a woman from work which continued until after my son was born. I vividly remember going out with family members for my 30th birthday, without my husband who i told them was working away (actually that was what he told me and i kind of believed him).

My bubble burst one day as i stood in my dining room ironing, my toddler son near by. The woman turned up on my door step and confronted me, saying she loved my husband. i have gone through what happened next many many times. i was angry with her but more so with him. i might have hit her if i was that kind of person, we spoke for a few minutes and somehow i got her to leave. She followed the visit with a long letter about the things they did together and the fact that they were engaged. i think that may well have been a low point in my life!

Just as i had been in love with getting married, i now became obsessed with keeping my husband from ‘that’ woman! i fought for him, i told him i loved him, i didn’t want him to go. In truth, i think i was more worried about the implications of being left alone, of having to face people as a single parent than in working through the implications of staying married to a man i neither trusted nor really fancied any more.

For a long time i found sex with him really difficult. i would be turned on, i would want us to make love but then once he touched me, i would immediately feel revolted by him and turned off. i realised that i might have made a mistake but once again fear led me to just get on with it.

The last 15 years have been better in terms of us living together as a family. Hubby and i have learnt to manage our life together and at times we have had some reasonable sex. My not wanting him to touch me all those years ago though have led directly to him thinking that there is no need for foreplay and our ‘lovemaking’ has been something that occurs infrequently and is over in minutes.

Marriage is about more than sex, whatever form that sex takes. We have concentrated on providing a safe and loving environment for our son to grow up in. We have loved each other, how could you remain together for so long and not love each other? I no longer hate him in the way i once did, i am no longer repulsed by his touch, but i am not sexually attracted to him.

Today we will go out for lunch for our anniversary, it will be a nice occasion but not quite romantic. Neither of us minds. We are marking the occasion which feels right but we both know, even if we don’t speak the words that we are unlikely to reach 30. Going it alone after such a long time feels pretty scary, but i really don’t think it would be fair on either of us to keep up a facade that has gone on for too long.

Why do I let myself get wound up?

I didn’t hear from Sir until last evening. Not one word from when i left His house on Friday night, until 7.20pm last night (Monday). He had been busy with family, firstly with his mum and then his children who are still quite young. He seems a great dad who does lots with his kids, He is the kind of dad I wished for my own son and didn’t always get (not that hubby has been in anyway bad, just not creative or massively active). Then on Monday He was working (as of course was I).

i knew this was likely the case, but because i had sent a text to let him know i was safely home, an email to say thanks for a great day on Saturday, then a text on Monday morning to ask if all was ok and got no replies i worked myself up into a state of angst.

One version of my mad mind had Him ill, dead or in some way incapacitated. Another had him deciding that i was not to be bothered with (though he bought me the lovely lingerie and gave no impression he was repulsed by me, quite the contrary). Finally i decided i was probably doomed to spend the next few weeks, months, years even carrying on with the dullness that is my current home life.

Of course deep inside i knew the truth. Last night i gently chided Him that i was a bit worried that i hadn’t heard from Him (without going over board). i did feel a little silly though, just as i should!

Struggling with the inner me

Struggling to cope with my life this weekend. A weaker person might throw in the towel, one way or the other, but i am not a weak person. i am however struggling with my inner voice, the one that alternately tells me to tell hubby the truth and then to keep up this facade.

i haven’t heard from Sir since Friday. i am a little annoyed about this, though i know it is probably because he is busy with his children. i expect we will chat later tonight, but again i am fighting my inner voice that wants me to ring him, text him, email him or all three. i just sent an email with a link to a website i think he might like and saying that i hope that he is having a good weekend. But i want to say so much more.

Last night i drank too much; some wine, followed by two G&Ts. i started on hubby but he knows better than to rise to me in that situation. i shouldn’t have had the gin, it brings out the inner me and i need it hidden right now. Luckily, i was very tired and sensibly went to bed.

i suppose i never thought all of this would be easy, but at the same time, i didn’t realise how difficult it would be to keep the inner me in its place. Question is though: am i doing myself a disservice by keeping it out of site?