30 Days of Submission – Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Wikipedia tells me that BDSM is a portmanteau acronym (love that word) for Bondage / Discipline, Dominance / Submission, Sadism / Masochism

All of these elements are present to a greater or lesser degree, as i have pretty much described throughout this series of posts. Sir has the best bed for being tied to (in my humble opinion) and that happened from the start, we have since moved onto that lovely day in May when i was tied to a tree. I am also now often cuffed. But there is not always a need to be physically restrained, the restraints can be mentally applied – don’t touch, keep your hands above your head, spread your legs and keep them like that. Sometimes emotional bonds can be just as effective. This is where the discipline comes in, because not keeping the hands away, not asking to touch or to take Sir’s cock might lead to some kind of punishment. And as discussed in a comment on the last post (day 8 and 9) more punishment may yet be applied in the near future, which will mean there is more discipline. There is also the structure that i crave, which is something we are also discussing. Sir thinks that perhaps i need more discipline. Yes please i say!

 Dominance and submission? Well yes. Haven’t i spoken of this enough? Finding someone to dominate me, allowing me to express my submission, has been the making of me as far as i can see. 

So Sadomasochism? Wikipedia (again) tells me that this is the receiving of pleasure through the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation. Who ever knew that pain could give you such pleasure? Well certainly not me who always avoided pain. Who knew that the more pain that was inflicted on your nipples, on your backside (to give just two examples) could arouse you in the way it does to me. As Sir says – it makes you so wet!

As for humiliation; well i know that i am turned on beyond anything by being made to wear clothes i consider a bit risque for a woman of my age, to be provocative to Sir in a public place and to appear to pick up a stranger. More of this excitement will happen in the week to come!

Plus as of this morning the corset fits – i predict that will lead to some fun along the entire BDSM spectrum, Can’t wait!

I am Number 18

The 18th person to become a Cock Worshiping Sub (CWS for short over at Spanky’s place Bright Bottom. i have thought of becoming a member for quite a while, because of course i do worship Sir’s cock and know that my place during play and in the bedroom is to give Him pleasure. That pleasure includes him using any part of me that he chooses for his cock. I love nothing more than to feel his cock inside me, owning me, possessing me.

What is different with Sir, as apposed to what has gone before is that i really do worship that cock. It is those moments when i am kneeling before him, with his cock in my mouth that i face who i am, what i am and where i am. i truly worship him and his cock.

Spanky has set a challenge for all the CWS members (this is number 2), as follows:

To write 55 words on the moment before you know you will be sucking a cock.

i have waited weeks for this and here i am. The smell; newly showered mixed with arousal. Is that me or you? Maybe both of us? It is big today, will it fit into my mouth? Will i be able to give you what you want? Can i take you deep enough. I will.

30 Days of Submission – Days 8 and 9

Today, i am writing about two days of submission in one. This is mainly because i have little to write on the first and also because it seems a good idea to get through these a bit more quickly.

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

So far my relationship with Sir has been mainly based on things other than spanking. That is not to say that there hasn’t been spanking, because there has. We haven’t really got into that side yet. Maybe we will in the near future, who knows? i have to admit i prefer other elements of the things we do (kneeling before him, being tied or restrained, nipple clamps, humiliation to name a few), but am not averse to being spanked, whether it is with His hand of some other implement.

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them? 

i like structure and rules. it is what can make this different from other relationships and certainly from my hubby. With him there are no rules as such, just custom and practice, some of it less than exciting. i like that Sir can suddenly introduce a rule, and that rules can change. When i arrive at Sir’s house i kneel before him, i am collared, maybe cuffed, maybe nipple clamps are applied and immediately i am expected to suck his cock. This is a ritual i love. Sir likes me to wear glasses rather than contacts, i am always happy to comply (i wear contacts too much anyway). Sir says i am to wear stockings and not tights, he says i am not to wear knickers (i don’t always comply with these all of the time, but am doing so increasingly. 

I would like more structure and more rules, but to be realistic, monitoring these would be more time consuming and take effort and i am not sure either of us is so inclined. Maybe it is something we will discuss after He has read this.

There are limits, but we are exploring those as we go. i am fairly sure that we both share similar ideas on what those limits are. We have a safeword, but i haven’t come close to using it since if i say that i am not sure about something then we pause or stop. Trust is the name of the game and that’s what we have. 

30 Days of Submission – Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it? 

So far i have needed little in the way of punishment, since i am a pretty compliant well behaved submissive. i tend to do as i am told, mainly because i know what is coming and i am able to do what is expected. Any discipline is part of the scene, role play or just plain play we are involved in and it is something i like to receive. Sir tells me he thinks he should punish me more, but so far i have avoided it. Last time we met i managed to avoid doing some things i didn’t want to do (e.g. wearing stockings to the supermarket on a very hot evening) and afterwards we discussed that perhaps these kinds of things should be punished. i await my fate with interest!

i have no problem with being disciplined in whichever way Sir sees fit, as i actually trust him and am pretty sure he would make any punishment fit whatever misdemeanor i was deemed to have committed. i am also pretty sure that it would be pretty arousing.

30 Days of Submission – Day 6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

i am the elder of 3 children (i have 2 younger brothers). i think if anything i was dominant of them, rather than submissive to them. The elder brother had a slight stutter when young and i am told i used to help him out by speaking on his behalf (i know that isn’t a help, but it certainly seemed like it at the time). The younger brother is almost 6 years younger than me and i kind of mothered him. i loved taking care of him and taking him places. Even as i became a teenager i took him with me on days out (including when i first got together with hubby). There is no way i was particularly submissive at home. 

When hubby and i moved in together and then married, it wasn’t any kind of discipline or submission that made me develop the desire to take care of my new hubby, i just liked to do it. i remember taking whole days to clean the house and cook food (oh how young and keen i was, oh what a home maker). It was only later that i realised that i had created a rod for my own back. That even if i wanted him to do things i couldn’t unless i ranted and raved and even then, not always. i am the doer, the decision maker, even down to deciding what we will have for dinner. i often long for this not to be the case.

What i do know though is that i had to work hard on my confidence, particularly at work. People consider me to be able and confident. I believe though that i haven’t got that way without working at it. Keeping up that act is hard work, as is doing everything for someone at home. i long yearned for a release, some way i could be someone different at least some of the time. 

The submission i have discovered with Sir has provided me with that. It gives me the opportunity to give the responsibility for decision making about certain things to someone else. That i find liberating. 

The other big thing for me is the extent to which submission is a sexual turn on. Being restrained, being told that i am a slut or a whore, kneeling, bending over to be spanked; the list feels almost endless. The humiliation part of TTWD, i think is one of the big part of my submission and is most definitely sexually liberating for me. To dress in a way that has been dictated, but which i would not usually entertain. To do things in a public place that would normally be carried out in privacy. Those things give me a massive sexual thrill, and because they turn me on, Sir finds them arousing and pleasing. This then adds to the pleasure of submission and so on.

30 Days of Submission – Day 5

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

 This is something new and it is my first. Today is the 5  month anniversary of the first time i chatted online with Sir. We role played a scene involving an estate agent and a woman selling her house due to marriage breakup. It involved dinner in a swanky restaurant and naughty stuff happening under the table cloth. 

Shortly before that, i had begun reading about BDSM (again as it was not the first time), but after that particular ‘chat’ and subsequent discussions, i read much much more. My thirst for information was insatiable. What i read in blogs, online articles and in books made me more and more curious. 

This feels unique when set against my other relationships, mainly because of its intensity, of the level of trust required and the things we do together. If hubby asks me to give him a blow job and i don’t feel like it particularly, then i say just that and whether he likes it or not he doesn’t get one. Of course i don’t get much in the way of satisfaction either. With Sir, if he tells me to get on my knees and give him a blow job i just do it. This is because the relationship is based on Him being the Dominant, my Master and me being his submissive, his slut. i also know that i will get lots and lots of good feelings in return and if i am lucky with that will include many orgasms. In this relationship i have experienced many things i only ever dreamed of before and that makes it different.  

Internet searches

i am sure that many of my fellow bloggers have such busy and varied lives that they have no need to bother with their blog stats. i on the other hand am interested to see what activity there is. This is despite my assertion that i writing this purely for myself. This doesn’t  mean i am lying, since the blog is mainly there for me to record what is happening to me so i can look back and monitor what has happened, when and where.

But i would definitely be telling porkies if i said i didn’t look at my stats at least once a day if online. I am not the least bit worried about  how many people pop by; i just like to know. To begin with i was intrigued that most visitors seemed to come from odd websites about home insurance or employment (maybe someone can tell me how this happens).

For the first time today though i have noticed some interesting search terms used to visit my blog. For example: kneeling for anal sex (in my experience, not only should you kneel, but perhaps bend over on all fours), suspender belt, stockings and skirt (yes i wore those today), butt plug skirt (not sure if this is linked to the previous one, but the two things could be worn at the same time, though not compulsory), sex and submission (yes this is the place for that as i do both).

So while i don’t write the most popular, busiest blog on the planet, which is fine as i am mainly here for myself and for Sir, i do appear to be providing a service. This can only be a good thing!

30 Days of submission – Day 4

So we reach day 4, and the chance to explore whether or not i have any dominant tendencies of if i might want to switch.  I am going to split the question so it is easier to answer:

Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? 

In terms of my relationship with Sir i am happy as things are, i have no desire to switch to any kind of dominance. Sir has no desire to be my submissive and i don’t need any other submissive. At work, i am as i am and that is relatively dominant as befits the job i do. I have no young children to exert my authority on and things are calm.

If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? 

I am not in that kind of relationship with anyone, though as i have said a number of times i do rather more for hubby than is good for me or for him. But we are where we are. I have control of the finances since he hasn’t bothered himself with internet banking. This does mean however i can buy a corset or sex toy and he is none the wiser if he doesn’t see the post arrive.

Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

No. I came into this knowing who and what i was and wanted to be. That hasn’t changed; can’t see why it would. I like giving up control. I like placing my trust in Sir and long may it continue.

Message to Sir

This is not altogether slutty, but just to say i am 6lb closer to the corset….

 

 

30 Days of submission – Day 3

6 months ago i had hardly considered whether i was submissive or not  So for me this is an interesting question and one i have given quite a bit of thought to.

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

The quick answer is that as soon as i started to research the whole are of Dominance and submission, i just knew that i was. The longer answer would be that once i started to research by reading articles, blogs and books, i found that i identified with submission so much that i was drawn towards it. When i met Sir and we started to do some of the things we had discussed online and on the phone, it felt like i was finding myself and could become the person i have been seeking to be through it. There is the sexual side to submission; giving myself to Sir’s cock – particularly during anal sex or if i am kneeling to take him in my mouth – that feel submissive to me. i am turned on by the thoughts and the actions, but aroused more by the submissive nature of those acts. The same is true when i am restrained or if sir puts nipple clamps on me. On one hand the act itself is arousing, but the fact that it confirms my submission makes it feel more so. But submission is not just about sex and when we are together i find that i want to submit in other ways. i want to be told to do things and i want to be told what to wear. i don’t live the lifestyle all of the time, so these things still have a sexual element to them, but i have the feeling that they are also integral to me, in that moment, and at that time.

So i have decided i am submissive but how really did i know? How, despite the fact that i can be a dominant character in other ways, did i know that i am not a dominant or even a switch. Perhaps it is because i have always felt that when i take a dominant role at work or even at home, that i am acting, i am taking on a role. Even though some of the submissive acts i take part in are role play, i don’t feel that part of it is acting. The submission then feels in built. 

Why did it take so long to come out? Well i think the potential was there before, but i didn’t act upon it. To begin with i didn’t know, then there were other things going on and finally i tried not to consider it. i did however read up about various aspects of BDSM, i was curious but i wasn’t sure that i could consider any aspect of it. 

In my marriage there have been opportunities for hubby to become dominant, i suspect at one time we might have developed TTWD as a couple. He liked to spank me from time to time, and often would hold me down during sex. But we never pursued it. Things happened in our relationship that damaged the way i viewed him and the way in which we pursued our sex life. Now our relationship feels pretty platonic. i don’t feel submissive with him as i do with Sir, so maybe you have to be with the right person for that aspect of your personality to emerge.


 

30 Days of Submission – Day 2

i had written day one yesterday before i realised i had said too much about my submission for the question and that i was actually answering day 2’s question as well. Also i have written quite a lot about this specific question recently. Lets see then if i can come up with something different from before.  So here goes:

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

My marriage is not about dominance and submission, however i probably submit to a certain amount of domestic discipline since i pretty much do everything and hubby does nothing. He doesn’t always ask for things but tells and for a reason best known to myself (or until recently not known) i just do it. For years i fought against what i saw as laziness and i ranted and i raved. i have been married for a very long time, and have only ever lived with him and i don’t generally do that any more. i accept this is how things are and just do it. i am not sure if this is submission at all, but i suspect it demonstrates i had submissive tendencies all along. 

With Sir, as i have said here, and before, i am naturally submissive. Much of the time we are together, as there is not nearly enough of it, is one one long scene with interludes for food, a walk or to sleep. We slip in and out of the Dom/sub roles during that time, but it is never far away. The beauty of this is that there is the anticipation that something could be about to happen. We could be eating some lunch, chatting about our children or about something inane and then he will say: i think you should get changed into this outfit, go and get changed.  And i do. Increasingly i love to submit to him, i love to kneel before him when i arrive to see him, to feel the collar around my neck, to feel his hands reclaiming what is his. i love the things he says to me to claim me: you are mine slut, ready for me to do with as i wish. 

I never would have imagined that i would want to do this given that i have felt like something of a door mat for years. But this is definitely very different. Sir hates me to wait on him in say the kitchen, he doesn’t want me making him tea (though no doubt at some time i will), and he doesn’t want me cleaning up after him (yipee). But he does want me to remember that when we are together i am there to submit to him when he wants, where he wants and how he wants. This can be thrilling, painful or humiliating (or all three) often too it is extremely erotic and i am learning to love it.