All submissives should have a safeword and be prepared to use it.

Not just submissives, but anyone engaging in BDSM or kink related play and / or sex. As I wrote in this post last year I’ve had a safeword in both of my D/s and M/s relationships. I believe they are an important aspect of relationships or situations where a power exchange takes or place. Or where restraint is applied and where sensory deprivation (such as blindfolding or gagging) are used. Safety of both parties is paramount, with particular emphasis on the person at the receiving end of the action.

Negotiations

I’ve never played casually with anyone, but if I did setting boundaries and negotiating what would take place would be vital. I’m pretty sure I would be prepared to use my safeword if necessary but would be sure that safeword wouldn’t be NO. During a scene it is easy to feel a little overwhelmed and ask for things to stop when you really don’t want them to. On the other hand, losing touch with reality can prevent you from using your safe word when you should. So, the Dominant partner should be prepared to stop even if the submissive hasn’t asked to.

In my two dominant / submissive relationships, boundaries and limits have evolved over time. This relationship has lasted over 6 years and we know each other well.

Giving up my limits

As Master’s slave I took the decision to give my limits to him. He knows the few things I identified at the start and I trust that he isn’t going to break them. What I haven’t given up is the right to a safeword. I know he would never ask me to.

However I haven’t actually called red. I have said amber and I have asked for a break. There have been times when things that shouldn’t hurt have. He knows me and is very good at identifying when he should stop if that happens. Master is also a good judge of when to push my pain threshold and when I’ve had enough.

What if a Dominant thinks that a true submissive would never use a safeword?

My advice to anyone who had been told that would be to steer clear of that dominant. They are not worthy of the submissives submission to them.

It is never ok for a dominant to tell a submissive they can’t and shouldn’t use a safeword. Plus it is not true that they are not a true submissive if they use one. That lives in the realms of fiction and poor fiction at that.

Click below to see who else is participating in this week’s No True Way.