Last weekend we returned to the CMnf event we used to attend regularly. It was amazing to be back amongst all those fellow naked women and well dressed dominants. The club was busier than when we attended at Christmas, but we managed to maintain our distance. This is feeling particularly important in the run up to my surgery next week. More people and the recent end to social distancing meant more equipment and at times it did feel a bit crowded.
But we played early while it was quiet, as is our way and then watched everyone else. I find that these events are as much about watching as being on the receiving end.
I’ve been feeling really quite anxious. The sudden news that my breast reconstruction surgery is imminent has put me into a bit of a spin. I’ve had to rearrange appointments (dentist and hair), get shopping for the stuff I’ll need in hospital. Plus there’s the fact that I’ll be out of action for a while, so housework and other preparation.
Getting to the club on Sunday and stripping off, felt like a great relief. Some us time and definitely time for me to get into a zone I’ve struggled with. My head hasn’t really been in much of a submissive zone for most of this year so far. But that definitely changed on Sunday, if only for a few hours. In fact I’ve been feeling generally better since.
As I got up onto the bench on Sunday and lay face down I tried to get myself into the right place and time. To be in the moment. This has been a real struggle lately. The people around me were a tad noisy, some obviously hadn’t seen each other for a while. But thankfully they piped down and I was able to block them out. I love the classical music they play at the club in the main play room and was able to concentrate on that. When I didn’t have master’s toys to concentrate on that it. He went through his fabulous repertoire of soft and gentle, hard and stiff and nasty scratchy feels like barbed wire implements. Interestingly some of the ones I usually hate felt good and others that I’m usually ok with, less so.
But it definitely wasn’t just about feeling the thrash and tap of the various toys, but the overwhelming good feeling it gave me. The release of those endorphins that I definitely craved and which feel as if they remain with me. As usual I haven’t marked, but for quite a few hours I could feel where they had been.
We don’t play at home much, if at all any more. But that’s ok. I’m happy to use a club environment for this element of our lives. To watch and be watched. To be naked and vulnerable and to see Master looking and feeling proud and dominant.
