A love of lists

Checklist Lists Business - Free vector graphic on Pixabay

There was a time when there was no need of lists. I retained all the information I needed in my head. It’s only in recent years that I’ve had the need to write my lists down. Well, that’s what I thought. But closer reflection tells me that’s not quite true. I always had a calendar or diary, which I used for appointments and work related stuff. In nursing, our notebooks and diaries often contained a series of lists – names, diagnostic information and actions. This was all paper based – i.e. in a book. But it is true to say that I held an awful amount of information in my head, probably too much.

Lists and diaries

However the range of topics to be contained within the list or on the page was relatively small. It wasn’t until I started working in management and at the same time had a child reaching his teenage years that my lists became more complicated. Around the same time I was introduced to the world of the electronic diary. For quite a while I was double running. I just like writing things down and before smart phones it was always easier to look at a paper diary than one on a computer. Even when I left my job 2 years ago I was still printing off my electronic diary and sticking it in my note book along with my lists!

I find lists most useful when there are a clear set of things to remember to do, for example when you are going on holiday or have a specific project. I tend to list my potential blog posts each week and then tick them off. Admin tasks and bills also get listed in my planner (previously just a notebook). I’m often rubbish at getting round to doing things like that and so a list with dates etc. is useful.

Master is the king of lists. He has a list for everything – books to read, things to look up in books or online, music to buy or listen to. He even puts things like cut the grass, buy milk or whatever on a list of miscellaneous things. We often come across lists written months or years ago. I don’t throw anything of his away, but try to encourage general housekeeping into the bin where possible. Our diaries are merged, so we know what each of us has planned as well as the things we are going to be doing together. It feels a bit sad now that we have no social events or holidays in our diary. It’s one of the things I’m looking forward to when the lockdown ends and we can once again plan things.

Kink lists

As a new submissive I was pleased to find kink lists documented in a number of places. Fetlife and Kinkly to name just two. These helped me not only understand the kinds of things I was reading and talking about online but know what I wanted to try or not. Fetlife for example make it easy for you to list your kinks on your profile. These lists help you work out where your hard limits lie and also to set soft ones. I also use those lists and their definitions when I am writing blog posts. They have been especially useful in the Blogging A-Z each April.

Being this girl

I'm sitting on the grass with one leg under the other. You can see I'm not wearing panties.

In many ways being this girl is like being someone else. Someone that exists only to be his and to serve. That was likely the purpose of the exercise, as described in this post. Julie was (and is) a strong minded individual. Caring, loving and devoted to loved ones. Hard working and tenacious. All useful qualities but ones that made it difficult to let go. Julie wanted to please, but had a tendency to try to please the wrong people, to allow herself to be used. That’s how this girl came to be.

Then

When Master first broached the idea Julie truly thought he was crazy. This wasn’t something she had experience of, hadn’t even read about. But after a bit of reflection she decided to give it a go. Speaking the words out loud were and still can be hard. After all the word I is a frequent part of our daily language. Surely only weird people refer to themselves in the third person. It turns out that weird people and submissive’s instructed to do so by their Dominants. Try saying it…..”First this girl did this and then she did that” or “Please can this girl come” (the second is probably the most uttered phrase of our relationship). It took some getting used to (both asking and asking in that way.

The key thing that being this girl has done though is to enable her to let go of Julie, to just be a slave. To live in the moment. This was particularly the case during challenging times with the ex and with family. A release from responsibilities at the end of a working week. An opportunity to focus. To be able to come home from work, to change and to speak aloud as your slave self. It was like layers of skin peeling off of an onion to reveal something fresh and new.

If you don’t use the words I or me, then it is easier to request something taboo. To ask to be humiliated or degragated, because it removes the focus from you as an individual. Instead you become a toy, or play thing. An object. So, Julie was able to become property, a thing to be used and played with. A slave with no other purpose than to provide pleasure to her Master.

Now

Of course things were fresh and new right then. We didn’t live together and so our focus when we were alone in a private place was each other. There was a point sometime during 2017 that preparations began for Julie to move in with Master. We began work on decluttering and preparing the house to be sold. Then after the move in 2018 there was a period of settling in and then breast cancer. All of this caused things to change, just a little.

As I’ve said before, this girl is still present in the bedroom. It feels easy these days to slip into the role of slave for those moments. But that’s where the problem lies. Although this girl is still present within Julie, she doesn’t appear often enough. Submission often feels a little further away than it used to and I (deliberate use of this pronoun) don’t know how to get her back. Do I want to? Yes, I do. Being this girl makes me feel safe (not to say that I’m not). She is a big part of my life and I love the feeling she gives me. But these things have to be worked at and it will take two of us to do so. I have the feeling we ought to give it a go.

There’s nothing wrong with our relationship, it just feels different. This was always going to happen because life happens. But maybe it’s time to rethink this Master / slave relationship. This slave needs it.

Arousal

#NSFW

Recently it’s been difficult to show a positive view of arousal after 50. Not just difficult to see but also to achieve. It is challenging to accept that your body is ageing and that it fails to respond as it once did. Then sometimes something miraculous occurs.Suddenly your partner makes you aroused in a way you’d forgotten was possible.

In case you wonder, I have a piece of silicone in my clit piercing because I was expecting to have surgery this year, which won’t now happen. But people I recommend it. Not pretty but very comfortable and also easily part of a programme of arousal!

My external labia, with clitoris showing. I have a piercing which has a little silicone bar.

Love and life right now

Covid-19 Virus Coronavirus - Free image on Pixabay

Deep down I knew that the Coronavirus lockdown would last for months rather than weeks. But that doesn’t mean to say that I was emotionally prepared for it. Back in those early days at the end of March we were busy with home projects. During much of April we had good weather so eating lunch in the garden or on our balcony was a regular thing. We are used to spending lots of time together, so there was nothing new. Anyway, I was planning to be out a bit working. Then last week it was cold and wet, our projects were stuck and the work opportunity vanished. For a few days I felt without purpose and just plain miserable. I know Master feels it too. But I and we are fighting back. Below are my thoughts on the past 7 weeks detailing different parts of our love and life.

Getting things done

Over the winter we finally started to sort the house out. When I moved in nearly two years ago there was a lot of clutter which meant insufficient room for many of my things. I have my office which was completed last summer and so have my books there. But much of my treasured possessions remain in the garage and a lot of clothes are in boxes under the bed. So, where to start?

Master’s books were stacked everywhere in the living and dining room. So much so that I’ve never eaten at the dining table in this house. So I suggested the place to start was in those rooms. Progress was rapid and before Christmas we had specialist shelving installed on one side of both rooms. Then in March (after we’d finished decorating) the shelving was complete. I ordered new blinds for the windows and imagined we’d soon be straight.

But we have 7 or 8 empty bookshelves waiting to move and nowhere to put them. The household recycling centre closed in March and so we were stuck. Then the factory making my blinds closed and we had already thrown out the rails and curtains. I did manage to paint the hallway and want to continue into the kitchen, but we have nowhere to put the kitchen contents.

There is light at the end of the tunnel now because the recycling centres start reopening next week. I’m feeling hopeful that the blinds might be made soon too. I need to feel that we can get things done and make our enforced time at home worthwhile. Right now I feel more hopeful about that than I’ve done to date.

Lethargy

On the whole we have retained much of the structure of our life. Neither of us is working (we’ve both taken early retirement) so we don’t need to be up early, but I am a bit of an early bird. Master on the other hand is something of a night owl. I have learned over the past couple of years not to leap out of bed too early and having me around has encouraged him up sooner. We also have a more structured bed time than he previously had.

Our life is usually quite busy though. We go out to lots of cultural events – concerts, galleries, exhibitions and festivals. So, when there is nothing in the diary you need more than an occasional food shopping trip to make it feel worth getting up and going for.

At times we have both been filled with energy and enthusiasm to do things and at others not. Funnily enough not at the same time. I think this might be a good thing, because being lethargic together means we both struggle to do anything at all. We’ve tried to encourage each other on, but at times the frustration shows. We don’t argue often but when we do it isn’t pleasant. This week we’ve had late night arguments twice, something I’d like to avoid going forward.

Work

Having announced to the world I was going back to nursing, I embarked on induction and training in my own time. Then just as I thought I was about to be let loose on the world they decided they didn’t really need me. Well they haven’t said that but that’s the implication. I have uniforms in my wardrobe and PPE in my car. Both will be returned if nothing happens, but it has made me feel really fed up.

Thankfully a new opportunity has arisen, which is to help with the contact tracing that will be needed to loosen lockdown. This work will definitely happen and I have a paid training shift in my diary and have some work shifts booked too. It is also a bit more money than the original work. This job will mean working from home, so no need for uniform or PPE. Plus, I think this is going to be a really worthwhile job that will need to continue for some time.

Master on the other hand has no intention of going back to work. Instead he is managing our financial affairs which took a bashing in March. Thankfully they are recovering with a few changes. Secondly he is rewriting a wikipedia page for a Spanish author and poet and that’s keeping him busy. Now the books are organised on shelves he has a veritable library to consult. His other project is to map Covid across a number of countries as he prefers his own charts and graphs. These things will help us both going forward I think because we have no idea when we can do the things we want out of the house or travel.

Love and sex

It would be safe to say that neither of us have much in the way of an active libido right now. We’ve had good sex, but not frequently and we haven’t played at all. It’s strange but at a time when we are unable to touch others we aren’t really touching each other much either. I’m not sure why that is. Both of us are making a conscious effort to instigate touch, often when we sit together in the evening. At night Master will put a hand on me, especially if I’ve been snoring. There have been a few hugs, but I feel we need to make an effort to do more.

I’ve written some sexy posts and read some sexy and erotic books and blog posts. But it has been hard to transfer those feelings to our own life. I’m hoping that we can find a way to prioritise those things. Longer days and warmer weather will help as will being active independently of each other during the day times.

Moving forward

I know we are lucky. We are together, haven’t taken a drop in income (other than our long term savings, but they will recover) nor do we need to homeschool any children. But that doesn’t mean that we find the current situation easy. We have mourned the loss of the life we had and don’t know when or if we will get all of it back. I’ve been sad to see former colleagues losing their colleagues, team or organisation members. I’ve also hated the decisiveness of the recent arguments in the sex blogging community. All of this takes its toll.

So, going forward I hope we can soon restart our work in the house. I also have some plans for the garden, since I’ll be here and so can actually grow some stuff. Flowers and also one or two vegetables. Fingers crossed the planned work comes to fruition this time and that we can regain a little of the structure we had lost. I hope that we’ll be able to go out places and walk more as we get to summer. At present a lot of woodlands etc. are open but you can’t park.

As for sex, well I plan to try to make more of an effort because I think my libido is more suppressed than Masters, partly because of my medication. But I would love him to do so too. I don’t feel terribly submissive a lot of the time and know we need to work on this too. But I do feel we can, I do feel hopeful and just a bit positive right now.

Half moon / Full moon

After almost a week of cloud and rain, today has been beautiful. Not as warm as previously but gloriously sunny. So, we took a walk this afternoon and Master encountered these sights. A half moon complimented by a full moon.

A half moon visible in a blue sky.
Me in a wooded area trousers pulled down to reveal my bum. Hands on a tree across the path.

Sexual Service

I am kneeling over the sofa. Wearing only a top. My arse and labia are visible and exposed.

I am a sex slave. My role to Master is to provide him with sexual service when he requires it. But also to be ready for him to use me when he wishes. This post is a work of fiction based on a limited amount of reality but mostly reading, fiction and non fiction.

My word of the day is RULES. Every day Master texts me a word or occasionally phrase while we are both at work. At the weekends, if we are home he tells me the word. Corner time is at 4pm which is shortly after I arrive home. I remove my clothes and then kneel on the floor in a corner of our room on a carefully placed pillow. Knees wide, back straight and hands behind my head. The purpose is for me to concentrate on my word while naked and vulnerable. To think about the meaning of the word and it’s relation to my service.

I know the rules by heart. I know that the key purpose of my role as Master’s sex slave is to be his slut and to provide him with sexual service. The rules are in place to make sure I do just that.

Rule number 1

I shall always be available for his use. This means that I do not wear underwear unless he says I should. In effect this means wearing a bra at work. At home I am often naked, unless we expect visitors or it is very cold. I also wear an apron when cooking. There is a certain vulnerability to never wearing panties, especially when I am aroused or hot. I often think others can small my cunt, though no one has ever mentioned it. When sitting I am not to cross my legs, often Master will tell me to sit with them wide open, even when we are out. This can be humiliating, but also a massive turn on.

When he decides I am to provide sexual service, to be used, which is most days, I must thank him. I beg him to use my holes, to come inside my slut body. Or, of course outside if he wishes. Whichever I thank him for the gift of his come.

Rule number 2

I am not allowed to touch my cunt nor come without permission. However Master tells me to touch myself often for his pleasure. This is fine when we are home alone together, less easy when we are out or have people over. Often when we are out eating dinner I will have been instructed to play with my clit. To bring myself close to climax, to edge. One hand on my fork and another on my lap, or so you may think. Other times it will be his fingers that stroke and tease. He studies me closely, watching my cheeks grow pink. He’ll then make me come when we get into the car, there in the car park or by the side of the road.

I am able to control my orgasms quite well, even when he uses the wand on me. But I really have to focus, to concentrate on my submission and remember that he is the owner of my body and my orgasms. He takes great pleasure in making me come the moment he demands. I don’t know how he does that!

Rule number 3

He is known to me as Master or Lord and I am this girl, slut or slave depending on his desires. I understand the meaning of this. I am nothing but the name Master choses to call me. Of course I have a name at work or when with family or vanilla friends. But always I know that I am property. His and his alone. He is my Lord and Master. I worship him and await his need to use me. That isn’t to say that I am not loved, cherished and cared for. Sometimes I am his pet, often his lover. He takes care of me, cooks for me, takes me to lovely places and buys me things. That he owns me is calming, reassuring. It makes me feel safe, wanted. His.

Rule number 4

I have a number of daily tasks, these sometimes change. Each morning I suck his cock if required. I also stand or sit in the shower or bath while he pees on me. I can’t say I enjoy it but I am used to it. It is warm and I have come to appreciate the feeling. I find it arousing, indeed humiliation to me is a massive turn on. After a shower and I have shaved my pussy, legs and underarms, I insert the plug he has chosen for me. This is worn for 2-3 hours so is removed in the bathroom at work. I dress in the way he wishes, often looking quite demure from the outside.

Throughout the day we keep in contact. Be both have busy and demanding jobs, but text a few times. There is usually a photo for me to take and send though.

Rule number 5

I kneel and present myself when Master arrives home

My working day is until 3pm. This fits in well with my sexual service duties and also those around the house. As mentioned above I spend half an hour in quiet contemplation before moving on to any house work and meal preparation. That’s not to say Master doesn’t do his fair share of house work etc. Because he does. He is particularly responsible for food shopping and this is one area where I tell him what might be needed.

Master texts me as he leaves work or the shops and I then prepare for his homecoming. This is a special time for us both. I kneel in the living room and wait in readiness for him. He greets his slave and inspects my body and asks for details of my day. Then he goes to change while I start dinner or put things away. Then he will open wine and we’ll often share the cooking chores.

There was a time when I would spend the evening at his feet while we watched TV or played music and chatted. But now I’m that bit older the sofa has become a better place to be, for us both.

Our evenings tend to be like most other peoples. Except I am usually naked and he is likely to be stroking some part of his property or making me suck his cock as he feels appropriate. Often we will retire to the play room where Master will restrain his slave and torture me. Pain and pleasure are such amazing bedfellows.

This is the life I chose

When we met, I quickly learned what life would be like if we came together as a couple. Master and slave. He was clear that it was a sex slave he desired. One he could use for his pleasure, whether sex or play. We discussed and wrote down our kinks and fetishes. On the day of our collaring ceremony I gave myself willingly to him. My limits are now his. Most decisions (outside work and my family) are his. The body that belonged to me is now his, as are the orgasms and control. He has total power over me and this is the life I chose. My role is to provide sexual service to my Lord.

In the Zone

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter Z

This has been my fourth year of Blogging A-Z and once again it has been difficult to keep on track. At least this year I am finishing on the right day. For once I’ve managed to stay in the zone most of the way through.

Unfortunately I lost momentum on Food, Fitness and Health and only made it to J. I decided that it was better to get to the end on one blog than to stumble and fall on both. I’ve also decided to make My For the Health of it meme monthly. There are just too many meme’s around and anyway it is difficult to be productive in these difficult Covid times.

Now for a round up.

Who else has been in the Zone this month?

First I’d like to mention Charlie of Sex Blog of Sorts who after a long hiatus is back writing her fabulous short stories. She hasn’t posted every day in April but looks well on the way to completing the challenge. Tension is just one of her excellent tales, this one about jealousy in a knife skills class. Pretty dangerous!

Rebel has been writing about her relationships, mainly with her husband Master T, but also with friends and family. I know this has been a difficult month for her, like many of us. But as always her writing is sincere and very good. This one tells us how Master T is the Ying to Marie’s Yang.

Mrs Fever has been blogging about health, a theme close to my own heart. I really should try a theme if I participate next year. This post about Summer Sunshine came at a time when we were having our own spell of yellow and warmness. She writes about the wonderful health benefits of the sun with some caveats about why we also need to take care. I just wish the sun would return here, it seems to have disappeared!

Mrs fever has a list of all the sex bloggers that have participated this year. Which you can find here.

Deviant Succubus has written some fabulous posts this month. I have to say I aspire to her high Libido right now. I love how uninhibited she obviously is and how much enjoyment she and her partner get from their life together. Obviously that is caveated with difficult times of mental ill health, but I love the was DS writes about every aspect of her life.

Cara Theron has definitely found her voice again this month. This creepy tale, Trees has a twist that surprises. I often wish I had Cara’s skill and imagination for fiction writing. Plus she has used some beautiful images to complement the posts.

Brigit Delaney has written some poetry this month, combining April Poetry Month with the Blogging A-Z. This poem, Come especially resonates with me. Thoughts of night time, sleepy sex and of coming for them.

That was just a short round up of some of the great participants of course there were many many more. Click below to go to the Blogging A-Z site to find out who else participated.

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

Years

There are no categories or tags beginning with Y. It occurs to me I might not be labelling posts all that well. Something perhaps to rectify. For today’s post I have decided to recap on this week through the years from 2012 until this week to see how my life has changed.

2012

This week in 2012 I was preparing to see S for the second time. The plan was for me to visit him on the south coast. For this I took a days holiday from work so we could spend time together and told my husband I was at a conference.

S was into dressing up and role play. So in advance of the trip I bought a maid’s outfit, which I’d arrive wearing. The trip took place in early May and my posts on 28th and 29th outline the plans we have put in place. The anticipation is pretty much palpable. What is also clear is that I was already up for following instructions, this was something very new for me.

2013

By April 2013 my life had somewhat changed. My ex had found out about S at the end of November and was still trying to sort his head out. On 28th April he was away. When I wrote the post I believed he was with a male friend, but that turned out to be a lie. He was already seeing his then partner. I’ve always found this deceit to be odd since he didn’t need to lie.

I was still seeing S but had also begun to join Meet Up groups and to branch out a little on my own. My confidence was growing. As I added at the end of last year, S was already pushing me away and was helping me to prepare for the future. The following week I took my first solo trip, to Florence.

2014

My relationship with S ended at the end of 2013 and by April 2014 I was seeing my now Master. My nipples and clitoral hood were pierced this week in 2014 and in this post from April 27th I describe the process and my feelings around it. I was already Master’s property and was settling into my role as his submissive. The big problem though was his possessive and very jealous slave.

Reading my post from 30th, I recognise my mood swings as being part of a time of uncertainty. Master was about to leave to visit his slave and she was anxious about the effect our relationship was having on theirs. It turned out that she was right to worry, but it would take a few more months to come to a head.

2015

Today in 2015 I wrote about ‘Gold’ for Kink of the Week. Being peed on or else peeing on another person was something new to me when I met Master. As I say in this post, from the start he watched me pee in the toilet then soon after asked me to do so in the shower. This post shows I was pretty unsure of this as a kink. I’d say it still isn’t mine but I do know that he gets a massive thrill from it. Though like a lot of things it isn’t a frequent occurence.

On 27th I wrote about ‘Letting go’, which is about my ability to let go of the day to day stresses of life when we are together. The effect letting myself drift back into my submission had such a freeing effect on me.

2016

This was the year of my first A-Z. My Y that year was Yours. I looked back to the first few weeks of our relationship and pondered my reasons for getting involved. After all he had another slave and I was meant to be secondary partner. A recognition of my neediness but also that something was obviously missing from Master’s life. Quite a poignant post.

X was for Xanadu and X rated. I really rather love the poem quoted. In the X-rated part I wrote about my impressions of Tumblr. Oh how things have changed.

2017

As is often the case I was in A-Z catch up mode this week in 2017. We were away for the weekend on 30th when I wrote about Vagismus and Weekends. I thought at the time that I might be suffering from vagismus as I was having a lot of pain, dryness and great difficulty in having PIV sex. In hindsight these were all menopause related issues and they resolved once I stopped worrying about them so much.

Soon before this post I managed to accidentally delete my blog and I have just added in the photos that got lost during that time. Many posts from early 2017 are either missing and lost or corrupt in some way. Moral is that you should get someone else to move your blog to a new host if you don’t know how to yourself. Also that you should never do anything important in blog admin while in a pub drinking wine!

2018

For Kind of the Week on 30th I wrote about Feet. It’s strange that I like my feet touched now, but in the past hated it. I also love to be bear footed and often walk around the house that way. As for the A-Z, well I was catching up Y and Z on 30th – You, Zabaglione and Zelous!

I observed that Master reads everything I write and has done from the beginning and that we are a community of bloggers. I dedicated that part of the post anyone who visits and comments. I also said I’d do my best to stay away from drama. I do need to follow my own advice.

2019

Last year on 29th April I wrote about YKINMK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink) and of course YKIOK (Your Kink Is OK). I love to write about our relationship and am only too aware that ours is unique and different from others. Recent events suggest that it isn’t just kink that we need to think of unique to ourselves. Respect is the greatest gift we can bestow on each other and I hope there will be more of that going forward.

A whistle stop tour through 8 years of my life and blog.

#AtoZChallenge 2020 Blogging from A to Z Challenge letter Y

Xeronisus

There are no categories beginning with X on my blog. So I went over to Kinkly to find a word to use and so my new category beginning with X is Xeronisus. It means a person who is unable to orgasm at all. Apparently it is a relatively common condition, more common in females. Those with the condition are unable to achieve orgasm through either masturbation or sexual intercourse.

I’m extremely pleased to say that I don’t suffer from xeronisus, though I have struggled to reach orgasm from time to time. At the moment I find it difficult without direct clitoral stimulation, preferably a vibrating toy.

Masturbation

When masturbation meant going solo I sometimes found orgasm difficult to reach. I could lie there stroking my clit for ages, insert toys into my vagina and still not come. What’s more vibrating toys sometimes couldn’t get me off either.

I found a great site called masturbation dot com which no longer seems to exist. There they had not only sexy stories but also information on how to get the most from masturbation. There I discovered more about my anatomy in relation to orgasms than I had learnt elsewhere. Subsequently I found my G spot, something of a revelation. Clitoral orgasms are my favourite still but I do love a G spot one and Master is pretty good at locating it with his cock.

Interestingly, Kinkly suggests that exploring your body or doing so with your partner is a way to help overcome xeronisus. As is increasing foreplay. This may be part of the reason I struggled while married.

Foreplay

My ex wasn’t big on foreplay. I’ve written before that he though it involved little more than a quick grope of the tits. What’s more he was in favour of getting his satisfaction and couldn’t understand why I hadn’t already come when he had. I learned to satisfy myself, but had to actually learn how to do that. I came to it all late too.

Master loves foreplay. In fact there may not even be sex at the end. He loves to give me pleasure and to take it for himself. He also likes me to orgasm and to do so a lot.

Orgasm Control

I wrote last year about Master’s control of my orgasms. After 6 years it is part of my normal life. He has never said I can’t masturbate but I must ask permission to orgasm and to thank him afterwards. When I lived alone (or semi alone) he would often give free rein to come. I used to thank him straight after even if he wasn’t there. Now we live together I don’t masturbate alone.

For some unknown reason I have stopped being able to come on demand. Something that used to happen with ease. I have a hunch the tablets I take to reduce oestrogen levels in my body are the cause, but can’t be sure. Master therefore uses our wand to force them out of me.

Receptive to Change

Over the years I and we have had to change in order to get the best from our relationship and sex life. That includes orgasms and masturbation. I’ve become a much more sexual person over time. Reading erotica and books about power exchange relationships made me want to masturbate and orgasm. The discovery that I knew my own body less than I imagined was a bit of a wake up. Finding out that things that got me off suddenly didn’t have been scary. But I and we have found our way around them and no doubt there will be more learning to come as both our bodies age.

I’ve never experienced xeronisus and hope I never do. But finding the word has made me think about how wonderful orgasms are and how they have changed for me over time.

I’d never be a cougar

A cougar (animal)

The only three categories beginning with W are Women’s rights, Work and Wicked Wednesday. Guess which one this post will be categorised under for the 110th time. This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is Cougar. Definition: Large American cat (see above) or an older woman seeking a sexual relationship with a younger man. In this post I’m going to tell you why I am not and probably never will be a cougar.

All my men have been older

My ex is over 4.5 years older than me. I was most pleased when he asked me out because it was definitely a thing to have an older boyfriend. I was almost 16 and he was 20. Each year the gap widened slightly when he had his birthday in October and I caught up again the following August. Around that time we might have had about the same mental age and it suited us. We had lots of fun and were only grown ups at work (once I did so).

Later when chatting to men online I tried to avoid those that were young, preferring men of my own age or older. When I started meeting men I’d met online they were also older than me.

Young men online

There are lots of young men in chat rooms that seek out an older woman. No doubt the reverse is true, but I’ve never done it. They tell you they love older women, they want to learn from you and think you and other older women are sexy. I’d chat with some of them, but drew the line at anyone the same age or younger than my son. Nowadays they’d have to be over 30 for me to even pass the time of day! However I never wanted to meet any.

They may have been attractive, and I can’t say I mightn’t have fancied them in some way. Liked them even. But I don’t find a much younger man a turn on. It’s the same with women. I find many women attractive and sometimes have an attraction especially when described in erotic fiction. But I know I don’t want to have sex with a woman. It’s just me and I actually wish I did since it’s one of Master’s fantasies.

What about when I am old?

I’m not expecting to go looking for a man again, instead I hope to grow old with the man I have. But I guess there is a chance that when I’m 75 I might want sex with a 60 year old or something. However I wouldn’t imagine a 60 year old wanting a cougar. I guess only time will tell!

This post was my first Wicked Wednesday in 2016.

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