Blogging A-Z 2018: F

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

F is for Family

I have wonderful memories of times spent with family. The oldest of 3 children, our home was busy and noisy. Friends or other family were often around as we grew up. My maternal grandmother was one of 9 children and so even though both my parents were only children, we had a large wider family. There were many weddings, christenings, birthday parties, more weddings, christenings and finally funerals to attend.

Once grown up and married my siblings and I along with spouses and children congregated at my parents house for family events – Christmas, birthdays, Sunday lunch. But as time went on and we had our own friends it all became a bit too much. There was an expectation by my parents that we would be there for those special occasions. Little thought was given to the fact we might instead want to visit inlaws or go out with friends. Everything was taken for granted.

Until that is things began to fall apart. Within a year of each other my brothers’ separated from their wives. Family occasions were immediately different. When they met new partners my parents were disappointed that things did not revert back. Our children were growing up, my nephew and son away at university, the other children often with their mothers, friends, or other family. My own marriage break up and then the death of my dad in 2014 seemed destined to cause us to drift further apart. We all found the absence of our dad difficult to handle and my mum’s needs threatened to cause conflict rather than to bring us together.

My mum’s move earlier this year means she is living close to the older of my 2 brothers. Perhaps is may help bring us all together again. We are  beginning to communicate more effectively and to enjoy family time again. This hasn’t yet led to the whole family getting together at her new place yet, but perhaps it soon will. All her grandchildren (bar the one who has been abroad for almost a year) have visited, some of them at the same time. Due to the distance we are making more effort. Adult family life is not the same as that of childhood, and being middle aged ourselves means it is different again. But I do believe we all recognise the importance of making the most of time we can be together.

Looking forwards

2016 was a strange year. For the world it has been full of turbulence, a year when more than ever you got the feeling that people were unable to tolerate difference in each other. Where politics seemed to change course, so that the unexpected and feared became reality. A year when terrorism struck in new places as well as old, in summer and winter. When death showed no respect for talent, fame or fortune. In many ways I feel sad about the things and the people we have lost. I am sad that members of my own family can be so abusive about other people just because they look and dress differently. In the main I just ignore their social media rants. I am sad at the level of homelessness and poverty I see on a daily basis so close to my place of work. I am sad that people feel quite so anxious about the world we live in and that we are made to feel we have so much to fear from each other. I feel sad that we seem to be governed by people who have no understanding of the way in which ordinary people live and appear not to care about them. I feel sad that the world is not the place that perhaps it could be.

But those are external things and while we have to exist in the world we also have the opportunity to make our own happiness. So, I face this year 2017 with hope and expectation that things can only get better, if indeed they really are that bad. My list of good things for 2017:
  1. Master and I are healthy and happy and are looking forward to an increasing amount of time together. I will sell my house this year and hope to be living with him by the end of this year.
  2. We have plans to travel more this year. On Tuesday we are off to Brussels for a few days and have plans for a summer holiday on the Canal du Midi in France. I am sure there will be other places that we will visit too. Some here in the UK and others further afield.
  3. My mum remains healthy and is now expressing interest in moving house and downsizing. This might even result in her being less dependent on me as there are suggestions she may move closer to my brother. But we will see.
  4. My son has today announced his engagement to his girlfriend. They moved into their own home a week ago, having rented for the past 18 months. I can’t describe how happy it makes me feel that he is settled in his life.
  5. Hopefully this year will see Master and I spread our kink ‘wings’ a little. We intend to go to some play and other events and in March we will be attending Eroticon. I am particularly keen to develop my blog, to branch out a little into areas that I haven’t tackled. While it is great to write about real time events and happenings in our sex and kink life, I would like to write more opinion based posts as well as branching into fiction. Plus I am keen to meet more like minded people and to be able to have discussions in real life. Hopefully Eroticon will give us that opportunity.
  6. I plan to join in with many of the memes that circulate our part of the internet and this year to complete the February Photofest and maybe the A-Z of blogging again. I am going to start to plan ahead and devote more time to writing.
Most of all, I intend to live my life to the full. To try to lose more weight, to get fitter, to travel, have fun and enjoy life. I intend to embrace the happiness I feel today and to have as much kinky sex as our ageing bodies will allow  us to enjoy!

Argentinian chorizo

I am not even sure they make chorizo in Argentina, but Master’s dream about it on Thursday night / Friday morning has been the joke of our weekend.

We don’t usually spend Thursday night together, but because Friday was going to be spent working on my house, starting our weekend early seemed a good idea. I cooked us a shepherds pie, good comfort food for early December and we enjoyed it with a little bit too much wine (We I never learn).
Early on Friday morning, as I lay awake much earlier than I wanted or needed, he suddenly grabbed my hand and placed it on his hard cock. I lay holding it, surprised by it’s size and the way it throbbed without me actually doing very much. Happily for me, it also lulled me into a nice sleep and when I woke properly some time later, I felt more refreshed than I had expected. Master asked me if I knew why he had been dreaming about Argentinian chorizo since pork is not something they eat much of. I suggested that the dream might have something to do with the fact he had wanted me to hold his hard cock!
The morning was busy for us both. I went off to my slimming club (for some less than good news) and then on to the DIY shop for screws and door fixings and then to the supermarket. Master in turn got on with starting the task of removing the old doors in the downstairs of my house and hanging new ones. While I was out my brother and his partner arrived to help (well he was there to help).
The rest of the day passed with Master and my brother working together on the doors and me spending time with his girlfriend and intermittently providing food and drink. Things, as usual didn’t go entirely to plan, but in the end I have my new doors in place, more modern they will definitely give the right impression to people viewing the house when I come to sell. I was happy to see and hear how well the two men got on together, seeing as they don’t know each other well. The day was fun and relaxed. Later we went out for dinner and drinks. While my brother would have loved to have stayed over and continue things into the night, his girlfriend was keen to get off home.
Once they had gone, and we had enjoyed a pre-bed time G&T we headed off to bed. Master was slightly euphoric from his exertions during the day, the male camaraderie of the day along with the combination of wine, after dinner brandy and then gin.
I was expecting sleep, but Master had other ideas and the result was my Sinful Sunday photo and some very lovely orgasms. Plus, I got to experience the Argentinian chorizo in it’s full glory, this time inside my throbbing cunt.
So ended part one of the weekend.

Looking back, looking forwards

From time to time I have a look back at what I might have written this week or month in previous years on this blog. This morning, prompted by a photo of my then very old and now deceased and Renault Clio’s odometer passing the 100,000 mile mark, I looked back on the Blog to this week in 2012.

I started to write a retrospective post, but struggled. Did I really want to look back an re live what I was feeling then? The negativity of that period shone through with abundance. My ex was a very negative figure in my life during that period, but actually so was S my so called Dom at that time. At the same time, I was given notice that I would potentially lose my job at the end of that financial year.

I did lose my job,  but the sky did not fall on me, I have a better, more well paid job now. S and I limped along for quite some time after, but if I look back on the blog posts at the time and subsequently it was clear to see that it would never work. At the time, it might have seemed that I was giving up 30 years of marriage for something that S would never offer me, and of course did not. As for hubby, well there was a whole lot of negativity to some, not least the weekend in Germany when it subsequently transpired that he met his now partner. Not that he has ever accepted to me that is what and who she is.

Sadly it is around Christmas 2012 that I can trace a change in my relationship with my son, who I had previously been so close to. I failed to understand that I needed to be open with him about the change in my relationship with his dad, but hopefully conversations since then have helped him to understand life is not quite that simple.

It was to be another year before Master and I encountered each other online and subsequently met in real life. But the signs of my need for this kind of relationship was there.

Whatever other mistakes I have made in my life, I know that while it is important to recognise where you have come from, it is much more important to understand where you are going.

Look back briefly, but keep your eyes on the future.

This weekend my son and his girlfriend started with us, as they prepare to move into their own home and I continue to prepare to leave, this our family home after over 25 years. It is time to look forward and not back. It is easy to reminisce but to be frank I don’t think I will be writing about the past too much any more.

Shadows

Do you ever think you see something or someone in your sightline, turn around and realise that the thing or person is not there?

Just part of your imagination?

Perhaps a shadow.

A shadow of the person you were, of a person you knew and loved but who is now gone? A pet that you owned and is also gone?

I often stand in my kitchen, and think I see someone or something outside in the front garden. Afterwards I realise it was a shadow, caused by the way the sun moved across the garden rather than ever quite shining in. It is to do with the way the house is positioned and I know this.

But from time to time I have imagined I briefly witnessed the cat run across the garden, or someone walk down my garden path. But they are not real animals or people, they are shadows.

The cat died 4 or 5 years ago and people who I am not expecting rarely turn up these days, unless they are trying to sell something. Perhaps double glazing or religion.

But actually I like to imagine the ghosts of those lost are around me. Tribbles the cat (named by my son and often out of the house and seeking to come in) who died while his Master was away at university in the USA.  My much loved nan who died 17 years ago and who I swear after she was gone made some of my son’s toys make their electronic noise out of the blue.

Most recently my dad, who died two years ago next week.

Sometimes when I turn around I think I see him walking up the path. In the area because he has been to fit an outside light at someone’s house,  to put in a socket or 5 (he was an electrician) and who is hoping for a cup of coffee, a biscuit and a chat.

But sadly they are all shadows.

Or maybe not so sadly since those shadows bring the memories to the fore and that can’t be either a bad or scary thing. They are the shadows of our lives gone by, our memories and perhaps also of memories to be made in the future. They are something to be valued and enjoyed. Not a very wicked Wednesday, but one from the heart.

Reflecting on days gone by

Master and I have just returned from a night away. We didn’t travel far, just 25 miles or so to the area I grew up in. We had arranged an evening out with my two brothers and their partners, and on the spur of the moment we decided to stay over in the same hotel as the elder of my two brothers who lives a bit further away.

Near to my home town is a market town which is purported to be the resting place of King Harold. It is a place where my nan lived and that I have many happy memories of. We visited the church, a former Abbey apparently 3 times the size it is now. When my son was little and my grandmother lived in the middle of town, I visited often. We would walk around the church and in the gardens that she loved so much. We would go and look at the swans and ducks on the river and she would reminisce about life there during the war and since. It is 17 years ago this summer since she died, but as I walked around the church and gardens yesterday it was as if she was there with me. 
Later we had a lovely meal with my brothers. It would have been better if the music had been less loud. It was a shame, since the old tunes which the live artist sang were just the kind of thing my nan would have loved. What is more she would have been up and dancing given half a chance. 
As you can see from the photo, the weather could have been a little better!

365 days – 17th January

What are you grateful for?

There is so much to be grateful for in my life as it is right now.

Master – that we approach our second anniversary and having stood the test of time we are together and closer than ever. I know I say this a lot, but I am happier than I ever imagined. That I can express my submission to Him in the way I do gives me so much pleasure. I am His and that feels good.

My lifestyle – I have a good job that pays well. This means I can easily pay my way and enjoy life. It also means I can help my son when he needs it and I can go and buy clothes (and other things) if I want to.

The fact that things with ex-hubby are getting easier, who knows this might be the year that I draw this whole thing to a close.

My family – My mum (though god knows she tests that gratitude frequently), my brothers, nieces and nephews. My wonderful son and his girlfriend, the fact they are happily getting their own life together and that he no longer relies on me and is as happy as he is.

The holidays – I always wanted to travel to new places and now I can and do. I love the places we go and the places we see.

My apartment in France – While it is currently a bit of a drain on resources it will be a source of income and a way of providing some pension in the future. It is also a haven, a place to go and to enjoy and it has given me some experiences I would never otherwise have had.

New experiences – That Master let  me into his ‘world’; his interests – films, music, history, art, travel and in turn I have made him experience mine! Including the family!

Wine – I know I sometimes drink too much of it, but thank goodness for the grape and the work that those who make such amazing wine do. Ditto for good food!

Slimming world – The slimming club I joined last April and the friends I have made there who are helping me to counterbalance the wine and food described above.

Happiness  – I am happier than I ever imagined I would or could be.

This year is a week old already

We have been chilling out in Spain for nearly 3 weeks now and this pace of life seems to be suiting me. The days seem to roll into each other – get up late, maybe some food shopping, lunch in or in a bar, a wander around, reading, browsing, drinks and dinner, a DVD, a nightcap, bed, sleep, sex, getting up late…..

That is the excuse I am giving for not having posted here for a week and for being so remiss in wishing anyone passing by a Happy New Year.

Today is my last day here in Seville with Master, and I can honestly say that all of the stresses of home and work have melted away during the time we have been here. I wish I could stay longer, as he will be doing, but the time has come for me to return to the reality of the part of my life which is separate from that with him – work and family. I am kind of ambiguous about the work part. To be honest, I do enjoy my job, but I am not looking forward to getting caught up in the politics or the pressures that come with it. I dearly wish that I could walk away, just because I realise I want different things in life now, but I don’t yet have the financial security or even the nerve to do so. I wonder though how I might feel this time next week when I have completed my first week back. As for family, well mum has been misbehaving and my brothers are looking forward to my return, and for my part I am ready to pick up my part of that bargain. I will manage her as I always do and perhaps invest a little more time while Master is still here in Spain. I have missed my son and am hoping to catch up with him and his girlfriend in the next week or so. Lastly there is the ex-hubby / house thing which really needs sorting now. I need that proper and clean break and I need to make it happen. So some tricky discussions ahead there.

But whatever difficulties there might be ahead, I do so from a happy and calm position. I have seen how my life with Master can be and it is one I definitely want and need more of. I just need to work through all of these huge little barriers to making that happen. What is for sure is we definitely get on as well over a few weeks of being together 24/7 as we do for short periods.

I am going to miss him, but hell it will only be two weeks and during that time I am going to be busy. This first week in January has gone pretty quickly and there is no reason to suspect that the next one won’t be the same.

One more day and night together and then I fly home.

…………………………………
Twitter

I already had a Twitter account, which I rarely post to myself, but follow a number of healthcare and other related threads. For obvious reasons I avoided linking to anything sex / BDSM related on there. But I have now got myself a new twitter account linked to this blog. You can follow me from the side bar or @MPBjulie This whole thing is work in progress, but something I will attend to when I get home. Yep, MPB is getting into social media!

One sleep

The little christmas tree is packed along with my clothes, shoes and everything else. I need to add one of my plugs, which I know Master will want taken along.

He texted this afternoon to say that he has packed both clothes and sex toys, but that he was now moving onto more important things  – his books, if I know him. You really have to love the style of the man. I also have my books, some sewing and I will have my blog to write along the way.

It’s funny how when you plan a trip it seems so far away, both in distance and time. Then suddenly with a flurry of activity it is upon you. This week has flown by – Sunday lunch for the family, an evening with my mum, on the day that would have been my dad’s birthday and then yesterday when I missed the office party to go and buy my toiletries and other things at the supermarket and got stuck in some awful traffic. Work has been hectic. Until today which was suddenly calm and ordered until 3pm when I realised that a set of minutes hadn’t been typed up by my admin.

Now though all that is done.

I am pretty much ready for my Christmas with Master.

Let the fun begin!

My favourite British Christmas song!!!

It’s December

After a flurry of activity around here in November, I seemed to run out of ideas. Plus, the arrival of December has meant a step up in activity at work and at home. Today though is much less fraught, in fact today is proving to be a wonderful day of relaxation and recovery.

Master and I take it in turns to spend weekends at each others homes, this weekend is my turn. Four days a week at work and the 5th spent running my mum to various shops, as well as my slimming club and an invariable encounter with the ex means that these weekends are something precious. Unless something special is planned, we tend to do little; get up late, a leisurely coffee then lunch, more sitting around, dinner and drinks, some TV or a film. These for me are perfect weekend days.
Everyone else seems to be spending December days out shopping, battling against the ever present pressure of spending all of their money for a perfect Christmas. I know this to be the case, because I myself have been there. 
This year though I have pretty much done it all. I have written and posted my Christmas cards. I completed this task early because I needed to tell some people about the end of my marriage and the changes to my life. Last year I didn’t send any cards, I wasn’t feeling in the mood to cope with dealing with that kind of reality. This year though I feel in a much better place. I have also pretty much bought all of my Christmas presents. I have had a couple of trips out with my mum and have taken advantage, plus I have bought a few things online. All that is left now is to wrap things up and put them somewhere ready to give to family. You see, this year there is no tree to store presents under.
This year Master and I are going to be away for Christmas. In just under 2 weeks we set off for Spain, where I will spend 3 weeks and he 5!. This is one reason for my hyper organised state – Next Sunday I am hosting a family dinner for my mum, son and girlfriend and niece and nephew. Pretty much all of the presents can then go off with them and then there will be just a few days to get ready and pack before we leave. During that week I will be working and there will also be an evening at my mums for what would be my dad’s birthday and my work Christmas ‘do’ (if I can make myself go). 
Christmas in Spain will be completely different. Our days will be much more like our weekends here, except we will be able to get out and about in the warm sun. We will find ourselves in some lovely buildings, we will eat tapas and drink wine. The big difference is that from 18th December there will be no fraught Christmas preparations, and no last minute shopping trips. Of course, it means no family Christmas, but as I have told my loved ones, there will be other years for that. 
The great thing is I am pretty much already ready and it is only 5th of December!