This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.
H is for His
He cals her girl. This girl; His girl
He is her Master, her Lord and she His slave
She is His slut, His cum puppy. He controls her orgasms, they belong to Him; His.
He is her owner and she His property
People may find this difficult to understand but for her this is fact. She is His to love, to hold and to control.
Her body is pierced for His pleasure; nipples and clitoris. Her pleasure is His to have, to hold and to control.
She wears a collar, His collar. This is a sign of her slavery of His ownership, that she is His property.
Sunday was our second visit to CMnf. This twice yearly event, held at a kink club is for Male Dominants and female submissives and is one where the man is clothed, the female naked.
This was actually our third visit to the club because we also attended a pre-Christmas event. On both previous visits one or other of us had been in the throws of a cold / virus or just recovering. This time though we were both fully fit and so Sunday marked our first public play event. Master took along some of his favourite toys to use on his slave.
As soon as we arrived, I went off to change. Last time, it was pretty cold in the main play / seating area and so I decided to wear stockings and heels. I was otherwise naked. My fellow female subs and slaves ranged from being totally naked to wearing body jewellery, under breast corsets and other lingerie. The men of course were all wearing suits. It took me just moments to lose any inhibitions and as I sat chatting I forgot I and they were naked.
A main topic was the previous weekend’s eroticon as a number of us had been there. It was lovely to catch up with Molly, Michael and Cara and Sub Bee and her partner among others. Except for Cara who was there for the first time, the others are seasoned CMnf attendees. We also chatted to a couple of other couples we have met there before. To be frank, I am beginning to feel I really belong there.
Public Play Time
We hadn’t eaten lunch before arriving at the club on Sunday. Caused by drinking a little too much wine, a late night and losing an hour’s sleep. So we waited until we had eaten a little of the buffet provided. Meantime, we watched others playing, chatted and Master kept me warm with a few strokes of his fingers.
At last it was time for us to play. He wanted to violet wand me first so cuffed and blindfolded me and secured me while seated to a bench. I struggled to relax. It was such a long time since we had indulged in impact play and it was going on all around me. I wanted to enjoy the violet wand and to take the orgasms granted me, but needed impact more.
So we moved to a bench that I could lie on. As the flogging began, I began to relax and enjoy my submission in a way I haven’t in such a long time. As usual I have little idea of the toys he used. Some were more pleasant than others but all were received with pleasure and relief. Well, maybe not pleasure exactly but certainly they were welcome. I noticed the sound of other floggers and impact objects hitting my fellow subs. Sometimes everything appeared to hit home in unison. I found the sounds comforting.
Afterwards I felt floaty in a way I haven’t in a long time. I actually refused an orgasm during play, but had been given several earlier that morning.
For a long time I have been anxious that public play would make me self aware in a way I didn’t like. Even knowing I am an exhibitionist who has previously enjoyed public humiliation. My fears were not recognised and I absolutely loved the experience. It helped to have been able to get to know the environment, the people and to watch others. But now it has happened to me, I want this much more. I really hope that Master decides to take me to other places where we can play in public but that we return to CMnf next time.
We have been enjoying a wonderful summer together. A trip to France in May was followed by our holiday in Sicily, then there was a weekend away to visit my brother and then last weekend apart. Me with my mum in France, Master with his daughter in Amsterdam. In between there have been nights out, the theatre, the cinema, meals, trips to the pub…..
Often we have had little time for sex, a need to get up early, or getting home late and falling into bed. Plus of course the little matter of needing to prepare both our houses for when I join him in his. We get on really well together, we have no problem in living a vanilla existence. We can sit together reading, discussing current affairs, we don’t really need to argue and so don’t. We are maybe more tolerant of each other because we respect each others point of view even if we don’t agree with it. We love each other and we fancy each other. Of course, the relationship is not quite like it was at the very beginning. But it could be.
This weekend we got back to the core of what we are about as a couple. Master and slave. We reconnected in a way that we really haven’t given time for in quite a while. Plus we still managed to get out, travel to London to see a play, eat dinner and have a lovely walk back to the train station.
But while we were alone together here, things were different.
He decided on Friday night and again last night when we got back that I needed to be naked. He had me kneel before him and suck his cock. He had me wear one of the leather harnesses (It was a bit on the loose side, so the diet and exercise is paying off) and he was clear about how I should address myself and him. I was ‘this girl’ once again and he was Master and also Lord; he really loves me calling him Lord, but I do stumble over it. Not because I mind calling him Lord, but too many films and books mean I am confused as to whether I should call him my Lord or just Lord. It sounds weird in a way that Master doesn’t (but I digress).
We have had amazing sex. Kinky, horny sex. I have been permitted numerous orgasms, many more than the tally currently written in black ink on my tummy. I have had a prize from him, one that I received while he was deep inside me this morning. I have also been required to pee on him, though this weekend not the other way around.
We have talked about the fact I have a contract and rules that I don’t follow and discussed how we can get that back on course. I know what I need to do, the rules are few and they are simple. But this is a two way process and he has promised me that he will also make sure we keep making time for the kinky side of our life. The pain and the pleasure, the Dominance and the submission. Master and slave.
This weekend has been relaxing and it has been busy. We got back to basics and it is clear that we do have time, we can have it all.
Master is a generous man. While Master owns this girl and her orgasms, he loves to see her cum and so permits her to experience lots of them. This photo taken on Saturday morning signified that 11 had been permitted (2 on Friday night and the rest on Saturday morning).
The idea of ownership and possession of another human being is not something to be taken lightly and it remains a source of wonder to this girl that she so readily agreed to this course of action. There is something about the knowledge that Master wishes to have total control, that is extremely arousing. What is more, it makes this girl feel wanted, valued, and needed. All of these feelings are important to this girl. But more than that, they make her feel happy in her own body for maybe the first time in her life. This is what she needs from her relationship with Master – the ability to express her submission to him and this is something that she can do on a daily basis whether we are together or not. There is always a way to demonstrate that she is slave and He is Master, that she is owned.
The more this girl reads about the concept of the Master / slave dynamic, the more she realises that everyone’s individual experience is different. People often describe themselves not as ‘a’ slave but as ‘His’ slave, in the same way that it is difficult to describe yourself as a wife if you don’t have a husband. Others still identify as slave, but are unowned. For this girl she didn’t actually identify as a slave until she already had a Master. He however says that he saw such qualities in her. Not all slaves identify as submissive (according to a number of people on Fetlife that this girl is acquainted with), but she herself knows that she is submissive and probably always was. Master definitely is Dominant, and wishes to be in control of all aspects of his life, including the person he is having a relationship with. Because while some relationships are based on play and sex, or play and no sex, or servitude with or without sex, or love, they fundamentally are relationships.
For us, the key elements of our relationship which we believe put it in the spectrum of M/s are ownership – He is the owner, she is the possession, power – He has the power, she does not, obedience – she is expected to be obedient and does try to be.
Moving from a situation where this girl had full control of her own life, and direct control and influence over that of other people to what she has now has taken quite a change of focus. While many decisions are still taken together, some are not. In many cases he asks her opinion while in others he not only doesn’t but also doesn’t expect it. The process to get where we are now has taken time, and this girl has a feeling that we aren’t any where near the end of that journey. Master generally decides where we go, how we get there, what time we leave, what we do when we are there. Requests can be made, but when he doesn’t wish to do whatever it is, then they don’t happen. This girl didn’t even know she would want to live life in this way, but she really does. Indeed the less control she has over her life the less she wants. The fewer decisions she has to make, then the fewer she desires to make. That isn’t to say that this girl can’t take control, she does where she needs to and will always be able to. But for now, this is the lifestyle she has chosen and it is what she wants. She is his to use, his to do with as he wishes, she is property.
Mine – a four lettered word which Master uses to remind this girl who she belongs to. It reinforces the power he feels he has over her. Power that arouses him and helps her into the submissive space she loves to inhabit. He uses the word – Mine – a lot.
At the weekend we were discussing the day, last June when Master figged His girl. I had seen the ginger in the fridge, but why would you think anything of such a thing since from time to time I buy it for cooking purposes. During the whole scene though, I had no idea what he was using, and indeed no idea that people used ginger in this way. I don’t know if there are meant to be rules with this meme, but this is my blog and I will do as I wish. So, here is the post as posted last June (I know this is really lazy):
Sometimes without knowing it, or indeed knowing what it is you might have on a bucket list of kink, you can tick items off. Also, a you might find a photo on tumblr (in this case reblogged by Master) and suggest you would like to do that, and next thing you really are.
So this morning Master played with His girl. This was the position she found herself in:
This girl hastens to say, that this isn’t her, but is the photo mentioned above which we both reblogged. This girl was blindfolded and she wore a leather collar, but in her case it was part of a harness that also framed her tits.
This girl had waited for what seems like ages for a play session. This morning when it started though, she didn’t really feel in the mood. The position she was in was uncomfortable and then he put something into her anus. Something which felt a bit like a plug, but then again not. Whatever it was, she was sure he hadn’t put it in properly and she said so. He laughed and said it was definitely in! She wondered about telling Him to forget the whole thing, but deep down knew that 1) she needed this and 2) He would likely ignore her since she is His slave and anyway was far past the point of any choice in the matter.
He put on some music, something pretty erotic – who knew that Madonna had produced such stuff (certainly not this girl who stopped bothering with her during her adopting African children phase). Then out came the hitachi and everything changed. Damn that man for giving this girl such an amazing orgasm and then leaving the thing in place. Gradually the anxiety about not wanting to be there subsided, and the burning in her bottom started to grow. What the hell is that, this girl thought to herself. She wasn’t able to think much about it though since He started to use the violet wand with its various attachments. Some of those are very pleasant, and some are downright painful. But painful in a nice way (damn Him). There was also flogging of the inner thighs and the cunt. Plus there was the horrible snake thing which girl doesn’t like and we now realise she might be a bit allergic to. But anyway, senses were in overdrive, and Madonna was belting out “Deeper” just as Master decided to do just that.
This girl felt the warmth of His body between her spread legs and felt Him plunge deep inside her. Suddenly too she remembered exactly what she needed and today, what she needed, she got.
It transpires that the ginger this girl found in Master’s fridge yesterday was not there for cooking specifically, but to be inserted into her arse. This girl has been figged and tied to the Erotica Album by Madonna.
Fetlife, the Facebook of the kinky world. Increasingly I wonder why I bother to go there. Well actually no, I do know. It is a great place for local finding events and linking to people who go to them. But increasingly it is so full of drama and unpleasantness such as you only find on Facebook and Twitter on a really bad day.
On Fetlife you can find the slaviest slaves and the domliest Doms. People who spend their entire lives naked wearing a collar and leash but who spend all day on the internet. Of course though as with all social media you can meet some wonderful people, get great advice and have amazing discussion with like minded people. The problem is finding your way through the professional 21 year old Dom(mme)s and the drama. Still, never a dull moment!
Today I am speaking of one and the same person, since Master is my Dominant and also his online persona is usually Diogenes.
It is now just over two years since Master assumed the role of Dominant in my life. Back then I was only just learning about my submission, even though I had known for quite some time that I was submissive. In those early days, his Dominance was about about play, since that was what the relationship was meant to be about, also though it was about my behaviour. I had the tendency to try to take control in situations where it really wasn’t necessary. This was born from years of being married to someone who pretty much refused to take the lead on anything. He appeared often to not even know what he wanted to do, or to eat or anything. That isn’t to say that we were always miserable, far from it. But I had learnt to be dominant in a way that felt unpleasant to me and which often made me come across as aggressive.
Chatting last night about the ways in which I am different now from then, Master commented that I have changed immeasurably. He said that I was extremely uptight, but at the same time amenable to his touch. I wanted and needed to feel his hands on me, even if those touches were about me having my tits or arse felt in public. I still love that to happen, but he is right. There is no longer a gap a mile long between me as the submissive in me as the woman going about her life in our out of his presence. I am his submissive all of the time.
I have no need to take control of situations, though I can and I do if I need to. I don’t need to talk over people, though I still get accused of talking over him from time to time. But I know that he is in control always, I know I need to make him proud of me, whether he is present or not. I know my purpose is to serve and to please, I know that I need to be available if he wants and needs, but I can cover myself up if the weather is cold, or it is hot and I might get sore.
Our life has plenty of sex, most of it kinky. Always Master is in control. We play together, though not as often as both of us would maybe like. During those times he is in control. But more importantly he is always my Dominant. I am his slave. He is my Master my Dominant.
Diogenes of Sinope was a philosopher and founder of the school of cynicism, born in Turkey but exiled to Greece. There is much about Diogenes that seems to resonate with Master, which I guess is the reason he adopted this name as his handle in so many places. Not to say that he ever lived in a clay wine jar, was captured by pirates or preached virtuous self control. However he does fancy himself as a bit of a philosopher and is extremely cynical about most things. I recognise many elements of Diogenes in Master from this wikipedia page and other places on the internet. A complex, but interesting character sums him up nicely!
Weeks and weeks go by in a blur. Work happens, we go out and about; concerts, theatre, films, meals. Then are the times we just chill out and do little. Sex is always part of those times as is the undercurrent of our M/s dynamic. Sometimes though a little more is needed. This week this girl must have known something, or perhaps gave off some specific vibes as she wore her but plug for 5 of the previous 7 nights. There is something very comforting about the feel of that metal inside. The weight of it, the coolness as you push it in, the sense of arousal that is ever present. Waking with it still inside, feeling the need to lie there for a few moments before the day starts imagining the metal being replaced with Master’s own hard organ.
It had been a while since this girl had taken seriously her responsibility to prepare herself in this way. It had also been a while since he had expressed the desire to use her arse. But this week she did and He let her know what was in His mind too.
He started, soon after waking, by stroking on of her pierced nipples, and then taking it into His mouth and stroking the other. Familiar feelings of arousal filled her groins, but she fought to keep them at bay. Until that was He signalled that He wanted her to orgasm, through a count down from 10. Then filled with endorphins she took His cock in her Mouth and concentrated on worshipping Him, while all the time she could hear Him talking about their roles and purpose as Master and slave. This girl’s purpose is to serve her Master and to be ready to be used by Him. That knowledge spurs her on through life, but it is easier to remember your place when you have a mouthful of cock. Pulling away, she spent a while stroking Him, but then He got out of bed and went into the playroom, returning with a glass dildo.
On all fours as instructed she felt the dildo’s coolness as it passed through her anal sphincter and slipped slowly in. As His cock brushed against her clit on its way into her cunt, she could tell just how wet she was. After a bit of repositioning to get the angles right, she could feel His cock deep inside. Her body felt like it was completely full. All the time He was asking questions about her place as His slave and in turn she responded, telling Him that He is her Master, owner of her body, mind and limits.
He withdrew and removed the dildo, then instructing her to lie flat on the bed, He pushed His cock into the place the dildo had been and took the arse that He owns for Himself. Deep inside her, she felt any resistance she may have had melt away. She felt His Dominance and she felt His ownership. She felt complete.
Afterwards as they lay together He finally touched the clit, rubbing her until the orgasm racked her body and she lay almost speechless. It had been a while since she last entered this special slave place, somewhere she will now likely stay for a while.
Tomorrow we are leaving for a few days in The Netherlands, so hopefully more chance for Master to take what is most certainly His.
Yesterday morning, while Master and his girl shared a while in a single bunk in a cabin on a ferry to Spain we discussed this very issue. At the time I was pinned at the back against the wall and He didn’t have much more room, plus the movement of the ship gave a feeling he was about to be propelled off of the bed. Still it was a pleasant and relaxing journey and during yesterday, increasingly warm and sunny until we arrived at our destination. But I digress, so back to the topic in hand.
The first He came up with was anal sex, since that is something I have only experienced since I entered this kinky world. What is it about it that is such a turn on? Perhaps it is about doing something naughty and forbidden? Maybe it is about the fact that in order to enjoy, you need to have such trust in that other person. For me also it is about the fact that it won’t be for every man, nor every women, but it is very right for us. Plus, even though you aren’t meant to have nerve endings in the rectum it is very very stimulating. It is a turn on and makes giving Him an orgasm easy. Something He loves too. For Him it is also part of the power that He has over me.
Next would probably be getting to show that exhibitionist side He loves so much. Being out and about with no underwear, so that the slightest gust of wind could lift a skirt and show that bare bottom. He loves the fact that people are likely to look at me, especially if it is clear I am wearing no bra. He loves the idea that others might look and wonder about why I am dressed as I am.
In the bedroom of course there are things like the electrical play, the bondage as I have already said and there is the pain of a good flogging.
Mostly though it is about the control. Of orgasms, of my body and the way He gets me to do what He wants when He wants in a way no other man ever has. I am turned on by the fact that I have modified my behaviour for Him in a way I would never have believed. Not only that, I have also changed things about my appearance – my hair and the piercings are examples of that.
No doubt there are more, but these are a few of the kinks we discussed yesterday, perched on a small berth on a ship crossing the ocean.
I think that it would be true to say that since my life is now evenly spread between Master and family with little time for others, my only other place for support is probably my brothers and my mum. Since she and I have always had difficulties in relating to each other and since she is the one who is much more vulnerable right now, it is unlikely I would go to her if I were in need. Having said that, I have a couple of friends who would listen if I needed it, just as I would and have done for them.
I have begun to realise that I need the support of others and that it isn’t necessarily a weakness to do so. The way I am able to communicate with Master is probably different to my past relationships. We have opened ourselves up to each other and as far as I can see that is a good thing.
A D/s relationship is in the end a relationship. Therefore a dominants need to turn to someone is the same as any other person. I am not just his submissive but his friend, his confidant and his lover. If he needs another person, then fine, but if not, I am there not just as his submissive.