Sometimes you just have to relax into the moment and let the inevitable happen. Photo taken by Master at Stoxx.
On the cross
Landmarks in my blogging history
This week’s Food For Thought Friday is about Landmarks. It is also a landmark occasion because this is the last theme that the wonderful Kilted Wookie will host, because he is handing the baton to May and Floss. I have participated in F4TF 22 times, plus another twice during it’s previous incarnation. Then, it was one of the first memes I ever took part in. I have enjoyed participating and will continue to do so.
So, onto my landmarks.
My first blog
I started my first blog on wordpress.com about 15 years ago (at a guess). Later I switched it to blogger (I’m not entirely sure why). It was about my work and home life and through it I met other nurses and people involved in healthcare across the world. It led to me moderating a forum and then when the platform was sold to me receiving a rather nice gift. An early iPod. I could have had an iPhone, but they weren’t yet available in the UK.
When I decided to start a sex / relationship blog, I deleted it. I was fearful of the two being linked. It really is one of my biggest regrets as I was proud of much of the content. If I ever started this blogging lark again, I would make sure I kept the content.
My first post on World of Joolz
In April 2012 I had just embarked on my BDSM journey. I decided to start a blog about it. Because I was beginning a long distance relationship, I soon discovered that content came in fits and starts. So I began to look for memes. This started with things like 30 days of me, 30 days of submission etc. These have proved to be an interesting way of expressing my thoughts and understanding of topics. They are also good to go back to and revisit. Now that my journey is 7 years long, there is plenty of material to do that with. This is a link to my Questions and answers posts, and includes the current one – 30 days of D/s.
Joining the sex blogging community
My experience of my nursing blog told me that visiting other people’s blogs was a great way of getting them to come and visit you. But if you don’t tell them you have been and enjoyed their content, then they only see a number of their stats. when I started World of Joolz I had little knowledge of BDSM and D/s lifestyles, but by visiting blogs I discovered a whole world of experience. My visitor numbers were always modest, but at least people came and left their own mark. In the main supportive and encouraging rather than mean and judgmental, something I had encountered previously.
But it was probably by joining Twitter in January 2016 that I found a community of people I could really get to know. Partly because more of that group are based here in the UK and some of them live pretty close by. But also that encouraged me to participate in other memes and ultimately to attend Eroticon.
Statistics
Over the past 18 months or so I have noticed a large increase in my blog statistics. Something I put down to participation in the Smut Marathon and attendance at Eroticon. I moved to self hosting in 2017 though had actually bought the site two years before hand. All of the original posts from 2012 onwards are also on the site and some of them still attract a reasonable number of page views. The average views per day have increased in that time from 60-70 to around 200. This might be small numbers to many blogging colleagues but it feels significant to me. It makes it difficult to stick to my original purpose of writing for myself.
In 2015 I wrote more words than in any other year, 105,000 in 286 posts. However I may well beat that number this year, as I am currently up to 51,000 in 130 posts. That shows I still have something to say, since I rarely if ever write for the sake of it.
Landmarks for the future
This is the longest I have written consistently in any format. I love writing my blog and for Master and I it is an important part of our communication processes. This is a place where I can write anything, though I know I do censor the things I write. I guess that everyone does. Perhaps this is an area I need to consider.
I will continue to write for as long as I have something to say and right now I have no plans to stop. I would like to write more fiction, but my head hasn’t been in the right space for that recently. I would also like to explore writing opinion pieces that require research.
There have been a number of landmarks for my blog, and hopefully there will be lots more to come.
Zeal
Zeal is defined as: great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or objective.
If you read my first few posts my excitement and enthusiasm for the future was palpable. I didn’t know what would happen, whether my foray into the unknown would be a short lived thing. But I embraced the experiences and wrote about them in this blog. It would be impossible to write for 7 years without some zeal and I tend to approach most projects with the same enthusiasm. But this can be tiring and can’t be sustained over a long period. So many times over the years my words have dried up and I have questioned the blog’s purpose. I’m sure that will continue to occur from time to time.
Purpose
In the past I was always heading in some kind of direction, there were goals to achieve, decisions to be made. Things are different now. This blog has become a record of the here and now, it’s a place to write my thoughts and feelings and post photos of those experiences.
My breast cancer experience gave me a new reason for writing. I was angry and scared. Writing about what was happening helped me process and articulate my thoughts. As always it has also produced a lasting memory. The next part of that journey will be my breast reconstruction, which I intend to write about in depth. And Zeal will be required to see it through to a conclusion, since it requires major surgery.
Readership
I still try to write for myself, but know that others read what I have to say. I participate in memes, mainly to help with inspiration. But also because I want to take part, to join in. Of course this could lead to a loss of focus on the main purpose of the blog (if there was one), or the quality of what is published. I hope that isn’t the case.
My main reader is Master. He still looks back at old posts as well as reading the new. He and I have many discussions about my blog content, which I think is healthy. Otherwise my readership is growing and I love that is happening. I guess it gives me permission to branch out into topics that people would like me to write about.
Zealous to the end
This has been my 4th year of participating in the A to Z of blogging. As always I started with zeal and even planned ahead. I think my choice of using the 7 years of material on the blog was a good one. But I underestimated the work involved in finding the right links for each post. It involved reading an awful lot of old posts, some of which I would rather have left alone. However, it is done and there is really only one post (UVW), a 3 in one post, that I’m not happy with. Time, the fact I have written about topics before and a small amount of apathy, played a part. But I have made it to Z with zeal.
I am not sure there will be a 5th year though. I think I have run out of energy for this one.
Elust 117
Photo courtesy of Master’s Eye
Welcome to Elust 117–
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #118? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~
A dominant presence He Gripped Her Hand and Centered Her Being alone together.~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~
What the fig? Mind and body~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~
O! or, errr… NO!: Orgasm Control in an F/m Dynamic *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Fantasies Never Let You Down My First Love New Fun with Old Friends Sometimes coming joint second emotional disconnection, sex and loneliness People Don’t Talk about This Sh!tErotic Fiction
Waking the Fallen Daisy opera seria Catch the Catcher Club Dress Extended Dreams … (the Second : Arabian Nights) The orgasmic archErotic Non-Fiction
The Five Senses of Sex A public beating Rope DreamsPoetry
-01.04.19_00:22-Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
Primal Regression and Submission 14 Qualities of a “Good” Dominant Balance in F/m voicesEvents
Do I want you to hold my hand?Body Talk and Sexual Health
Sex in Class That’s My Kink – All Hail The Nipple ClitSex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Why I’m not smiling for IWD
Journal
Ever since I read the Diary of Anne Frank as a child I loved the idea of writing a diary or journal. Of course, the fact that Anne suffered and died as she did, mean that her writings have survived in a way none of us would wish. But as a young girl I loved the idea of revealing my thoughts and feelings within a written format. The trouble was that I didn’t have much to reveal, even to myself. Over the years I tried again and again but found my life dull, even to myself.
It wasn’t until I started blogging, early in the 2000s that I started to keep a more lasting record. Then I wrote reflective pieces about my work as a nurse as well as thoughts about the UK health system. Some of them were incredibly personal, but for some reason I felt more able to share with an anonymous internet than I could in a book. When, in 2012 I embarked on this journey, I deleted my work related blog. I feared the two being linked. I am sad that I didn’t just take them offline, but that’s another story.
Starting this blog
This is the third iteration of my submissive journey. I started it to document a whole new part of my life. While many of the first few posts were about specific events, I quickly began to create a deeper picture of my life. A journal.
Steve and I had met a couple of times, but it wasn’t clear that we would continue to do so. I began to chat online with a very intense young Dominant who somehow persuaded me to talk to him on a deeper level than I ever had before. It was a short relationship. But it was he who suggested I write a journal which would help me understand myself and where I thought I was heading. So I created a page where I did just that. This remains part of my blog and can be found here.
Over time I updated the page with links to posts that I felt related to my feelings. Looking back now, I can see that this is the closest to the journal I always wanted. For some reason writing in this format allowed me the freedom to write in a way I had always wanted.
I now have three pages that are essentially a chronological journal. Sometimes additions are added regularly (every week or two) but more often now, they are monthly.
Blogging versus writing a journal
Some blog posts are personal and lend themselves to being linked to the journal pages. But in the main they are not. Weeks and sometimes months go by when I feel life has just been happening. Blog posts are about specific topics or tell a story. Often they are not especially personal of profound, or they don’t feel like they are. However, when I go back to look, there is something that makes me feel I need to keep a record.
Many of the most recent f journal entries relate to my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. At that time I was thankful that I had this place to write my thoughts and feelings day by day. But then later to be able to link them to my current journal page.
Master and I both look back at what I have written from time to time. It helps to understand where I have come from and they journey we have both taken to now. It’s just that now is an ever moving place.
Blogging A to Z challenge 2019 (A – Archives)
This is my fourth Blogging A to Z challenge and from the badge above you can see it is their 10th Anniversary. I have been wavering over entering again as posting every day is enough of a challenge. What is harder is thinking up something to write about for each letter over several years. This year I am going to theme my entries around my blog itself.
This month is the 7th anniversary of my blog which started as World of Joolz in April 2012. I plan to use some of my archives to share something of the history of my blog. This will include updating some posts and write new ones that tell something of my journey. I also plan to write some erotica based on some of the archive material.
So today, day 1 – A is for Archives. This is the link to my previous posts in the Blogging A to Z category. As you will see, some relate to BDSM and kink and others to more vanilla topics.
Things that made me laugh
Dealing with medical embarrassment
Over the past few months I have found myself in some strange but pretty serious situations. I have had to take my top off for doctors and other health professionals more times than most models do for a photographer in a whole career. Everyone is very professional and careful to protect privacy and dignity. But we do smile about it afterwards. G comes with me to appointments and even though they think he is my husband they are very careful that he doesn’t see my naked chest behind the curtain. Of course you should never take these things for granted, but it does amuse us.
In the waiting room
Over the past 3 weeks we have been making daily trips to the cancer hospital for radiotherapy treatment. It’s a reasonably big place with about 9 or 10 Linear Accelerators and most have their own little waiting area. The radiography teams are often running late, so you are sitting in close proximity to (often anxious) people for a while. During the first week, there was an abundance of people talking about their illnesses, not only their own but everyone they have ever known. Not so much funny as irritating, especially for G who has to spend longer listening.
Last Monday though we were waiting with a group of 3 women; daughter (the patient), her mother and a friend who had driven them. The conversation was about whether the mother and daughter who lived together should invest in amazon prime. There then ensued a conversation where all 3 called out films that could or could not be accessed on the service. A conversation about the chronological order and quality of the Alien films ensued. Plus the daughter wanted access to ‘christian’ music to listen to all day. I guess it is a measure of our daily lives right now that this was amusing. So much so that we have been talking about it all week. Especially when we were trying to find something to watch on Amazon Prime that was worth watching and at no extra cost.
Our own laugh filled viewing
We don’t watch much real time TV, mainly because we can’t find much to appeal. Recently we’ve been binge watching some old stuff. One from our youth that made us laugh was the Beiderbeck Trilogy – jazz, intrigue and comedy rolled into one. I never watched My Name is Earl when it was on TV, but we’ve been watching some episodes of that too.
At the cinema we saw the new Laurel and Hardy Biopic: Stan and Ollie which we really enjoyed. The bits when they were doing their act was like watching the real thing. It made us laugh out loud. It was serious and sad too, but the funny bits were real belly laugh moments. We rounded off with a couple of original films which added to the fun and laughter.
I pledge my commitment to blog for my mental health. I will write about mental health topics not only for myself but for others. I do this to destigmatize mental illness and to promote mental health awareness & education. I am a sex blogger for mental health. #sb4mh #bfmh #notalone #SexNotStigma
Talking dirty
I’m not a vocal person when I’m having sex. But just because I don’t scream with pleasure, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. Nor does it mean that I am not aroused or not about to come. Given the choice I would internalise all of the feelings I have about what I am doing and just allow them to wash over me. But I don’t really have the choice, since Master demands a reaction from me. During sex he will be talking dirty and when he does, I do too.
Running commentary
Master likes to tell me exactly what he is doing to me and how it is making him feel. If his cock is deep inside me he will let me know how deep it is and how wet I am. These tend to be things I already know, but the fact he is telling me concentrates my mind. He loves to talk about breeding me, which is something I would have liked too, if we had met sooner. This is one of his fantasies and I actually find it reassuring, it shows he loves me that much.
Much of what he says though could be described as both dirty and degrading, if you were of that mind. He call’s me a bitch and a slut and asks me who I am and if I am his. He derives enormous power from the things I say to him, that I am his slave, his pleasing bitch, his slut. You see I am not just any bitch or slut, but HIS and that is what is important. His dominance over me is confirmed for him when I am talking dirty to him, especially as my natural stat is not to speak at all. This confirms his power and authority and in that moment he is not only my Master, but my Lord too.
How talking dirty feels to me
When I tell Master that I am his pleasing bitch it reaffirms my submission. Reminds me of the slave I agreed to be and am. It helps me to focus on him and on nothing else and to remember who is the boss here. I am a consenting and willing participant, but he is in charge and calls the shots. I am there to please him, to be the slut he wants and needs. Uttering those words puts me into a space I don’t tend to inhabit all of the time.
That means that while most of our dirty talk takes place in the bedroom, or perhaps playroom there are other times. He might come up behind me, hold me and whisper in my ear: “who’s bitch are you” and of course I will answer that I am his. He rarely calls me Julie, but instead girl. This is all part of his belief that I remember my submission better if I am constantly reminded of it. Knowing that I am this girl really does focus me. And when he calls me bitch or slut instead of girl, my cunt clenches and submission becomes sexual arousal. Which I guess is all part of what I am and who I am. Master’s Pleasing Bitch, sex slave to her Master.
Elust #114
Photo courtesy of Rebel’s Notes
Welcome to Elust 114–
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #115? Start with the rules, come back February1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~
The Painful Truth… As Wet As I Get Three, in the end~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~
Pachelbel Window~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~
FemDom {T}ropes *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Mx Nillin Fucks… Socks! Knight Attire Seven years of comments Erotic MassageThoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
Gifts? Our Dynamic Switch! Collar me kinkyErotic Fiction
Marking Time Coffee-shops and painsluts The Storm This belongs to me Backstage Girl floralWriting About Writing
Smut Marathon ~ My Journey 3 Downloadable Tools to Track Your IncomeSex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor
#SoSS – Sharing Taboo Topics!Blogging
End of Year Round Up Caring too much about the wrong thing.Erotic Non-Fiction
On Fucking and Being Fucked Vignette – Pictures of Us Lunch with a caned girl
Sensuality and the senses
It is with pleasure that I am able to contribute to a new meme hosted by Brigit Delaney. I am approaching 2019 with some blogging enthusiasm and so, having the time to sit and write is a massive bonus. The first prompt is about sensuality and the senses and considering my topic and approach led me to our last play session in early December.
We have attended the club in question a few times now for both CMnf and more relaxed social events. That day was a Christmas social and I had dressed in my Santa girl outfit, complete with stockings. My only other lingerie was my bra.
Touch
I climb up onto the bench and lean over so that my knees and shins are positioned on the leg rests. stretching my arms I am pleased to find that I can find a comfortable position for them. I lay my head on the cool plastic on the bench and close my eyes. Master lifts my dress and slowly strokes my bottom with soft fingers. He starts with a soft rubber flogger and brushes it over my cheeks, teasing as he strokes between my already moist thighs.
Hearing
There is music playing in the background. One of those CDs that comes out at Christmas with all of the old favourites on. Since it is early December, this is the first time I have heard Christmas music this year. I can also hear the sound of people talking, mainly in low voices to each other and also the sounds of others playing. The swish of a flogger, the impact of a paddle or cane and the cries of other submissive girls in the midst of pain and pleasure.
Master moves around quietly, choosing the next toy with which to torture and from time to time he checks in, whispering in my ear. Calming me, reassuring me and making sure I am in a good place, and I am.
Sight
I have my head down, and so my field of vision is limited. I am also facing the Christmas tree and the speaker from where the music is coming. Anyway, I keep my eyes closed for most of the time. It helps me to concentrate on the pain and on channeling my feelings about it. By concentrating on the sounds rather than what I can see I can block the real world from my head.
Smell
To begin with the main smell if of plastic and the alcohol used to clean the bench. It is not unpleasant, but kind of clinical. But as time passes and the intensity of the impact on my bottom increases, I become aware of something else. My nostrils fill with the aroma of my own arousal. That sweet smell of sex and this increases as he runs his fingers over my slick pussy lips. He sniffs his finger and then leans his head over mine. “you’re very wet” he says. “Girl is very turned on”. Indeed she is and she can feel and smell it.
Taste
When I had first lay down on the bench all I could taste was the Prosecco I had just sipped. But within minutes I can taste my apprehension. My mouth dries and I have to lick my lips to maintain some moisture. As time progresses and my own sex fills my nostrils so my mouth waters and I can almost taste my own juices. As the session draws to a close he leans and kisses me and then I taste a mixture of him, me and prosecco. An intoxicating blend.