Blogging A-Z 2020 – My Archives

Blogging A-Z 2020 Badge

The Blogging A-Z for April is back. I think I remember saying last year that 2019 would be my last time, that 4 times is enough. But as they say, never say never and since we are living in strange times I am back for year 5. This year’s theme will be My Archives. And, not happy with writing a post a day, I have decided to write 2. I’m also joining in on Food, Fitness and Health.

I have a category on my blog for pretty much every letter of the alphabet (except X, Y and Z so I’ll probably improvise there). Not that surprising since I’ve been blogging for 9 years this month. So, I’m going to use those archives to write some new material. Last year, I used the archives to look back over my blog, but I’ll try to make this a bit different. I’ve been struggling to write anything kink or sex related recently so hopefully this will be just the kick up the backside I need. Each day, I’ll also write about the categories in the archive that begin with that letter.

Archived content

For this one post though I want to talk about my archived content. I created this category so that some older posts didn’t get automatically posted onto social media. You know, the kind of posts that are about past relationships. Ones where you wrote material that have aged badly or where you were in the depth of despair. Every time one of those posts popped up on Twitter my heart would miss a beat and I’d go check. That stuff doesn’t need reading, certainly not by me.

So I went through tons of material and categorised it and then set up to exclude those posts on my ‘Revive Old Posts’ widget. I currently have 159 posts in that category and may well need to add more in if I come across more such posts during this event. That doesn’t mean to say that you the reader can’t go and check them out. Of course you can, and people do. Sometimes I do, when looking for a specific event. But as for having them pop up unexpectedly, no thank you.

Other A’s

Last year I contributed a post about Abortion to the Smutathon, an annual weekend of smut writing for charity. There are 3 posts from the Art Twist meme run by the fabulous Indigo Byrd whose blog I miss very much. Finally there are 48 posts about anal sex.

I’m kind of sad to say that anal sex hasn’t been a big part of our life for a while. For a reason I don’t quite understand I find it less pleasurable than I did. I’m not good at wearing the but plug and that might be a reason. But it is certainly something we need to re discover. Maybe then I’ll be able to write about anal sex more.

Come back tomorrow for B and hopefully a more sexy post!

Curves

Me in the bath showing my curves. Legs, and tummy rolls on show.
Bath colour caused by a Turmeric Latte bath bomb!

I am very curvy. I have curves in places I like, but also in places I don’t. For years I hated the sight of my body and would only look at it in a mirror that I found flattering. I also avoided the camera. This was helped along by the fact I always seemed to be the one behind the camera. Whole holidays passed with 60 photos of my son, a few of my husband and lots of the scenery. There’d be an occasional one of me, but if I felt I looked too fat, I’d hide it away or throw it out. We’re mainly talking pre-digital here, because those just never saw the light of day.

But things have changed. While I am still not sharing photos of myself in a swimsuit with family and friends I have no problem with showing my curves here on my blog. So, what has changed?

Writing about sex and kink

To begin with my posts were pretty much just words, though one of my first ever posts did contain a photo of me in a maid’s outfit. Gradually I introduced images, mainly those I found on Tumblr. But then I met Master and he took photos of me, some of which I liked more than others. S also took a few and they too appeared here, but there aren’t many. Now, I like to use a photo of or by me to illustrate my blog where possible.

Body positivity

I’ve definitely grown to like and love my curves more since I’ve been with Master. Partly because of his body positivity. He always tells me he loves my curves, loves to feel them, see them and photograph them. He loves the way I look in leather and other fetish gear. Admires my nipple piercing jewellery and me generally naked. In fact that’s the thing that set’s him apart from the other men I’ve had in my life. That he likes me naked. I’m not always so thrilled with the finished product. So, I’ll try and crop out what I think is the worst of my lumps and bumps.

Post mastectomy was a difficult time. But at the moment I feel happier posting a photo of my chest on my blog than going round without a bra. Go figure that one out!

Sensorship

There are few places that it’s ok to show photos of a naked body. It’s ok to show a man’s naked chest on Instagram, Facebook or Tumblr but not a woman’s. A self hosted blog and twitter for the moment are ok. But who knows when this creeping censorship will creep up on us further.

Sinful Sunday and February Photofest

It was really joining in with these two meme’s created and run by Molly Moore that sealed my place as a shower of my own curves. I’ve just completed my fourth February Photofest and am proud that I posted every day. Most of the images were of me. They ranged across the history of our relationship and if you look you’ll see that sometimes I have more curves than others. At the moment I’m proud to be shrinking down a little and that makes me happy.

As for Sinful Sunday. Often I’ll only post once or twice a week when I am busy or away travelling and one of those will usually be a Sinful Sunday. Our images aren’t always as creative as others but we try to make some effort.

When I look back over the almost 8 years of this blog I am amazed to see how far I’ve come. Not just in the quality and quantity of my writing but also in what I’m prepared to share of myself and our relationship. I can’t see that changing any time soon. I’m 57, I have had a mastectomy and I am a big curvy woman. And, I’m proud to share myself with anyone who would like to see me.

Keep believing

Keep believing

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is: Don’t Stop Believin. But, because I’m such a positive person, I’ve decided my post will be entitled Keep Believing.

I love our community and the way is sticks together and supports each other. Of course we are all different, from our relationships, gender and sexual preferences politics and our take on life. But in the main that doesn’t prevent us from coming together when we need to. I’m especially looking forward to Eroticon at the end of next week and meeting up with friends as well as new people. Putting faces to names is always great fun as is discussing the topics we write about face to face. That includes when a drink or two has been consumed.

But recently there have been undercurrents of unhappiness that not everyone is kind and understanding towards everyone’s differences. So much so that last week a tiny event caused a storm. I’m not going to go into that whole thing, but Rosie wrote a fabulous piece that sums up events. She also includes some very useful links in her post. That should be the end of things, except I’m left with a bad feeling.

Free speech

Indeed for me it isn’t the direct responses to any post. As a writer I can write what I want here and people can read or not. They can also comment, or not. It is rare I don’t publish a comment so if you don’t like what I say I’m not censuring. But it isn’t on blog posts where most disagreement takes place. Instead it is on twitter, often without the subject being part of the conversation.

I’d be the first to admit I struggle to understand the desires and needs of people who are very different to me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t read their perspective with interest. I often don’t comment because I don’t believe I am the right person to do so. I am a middle aged CIS heterosexual woman who doesn’t fancy other women. Nor do I understand how it is to realise you are bi sexual or gay, much less non binary. But I do respect other people’s experiences and love to read about them.

Content warnings

Thankfully I have never suffered physical abuse (though I increasingly see my ex as emotionally abusive). I recently started reading a very well written book that turns out to be all about physical, emotional and financial abuse. I’m finding it difficult to read even though I want to. I’m not triggered, as I’ve never experienced the things that are happening in the book. But it is uncomfortable. I first wrote about content warnings in this post. It was a stupid thing that triggered me, but it did get me thinking and that in my book is a good thing. Since then, when I see one I do consider whether I want to read on. My experience shows that these things can creep up on you.

For me one of the worst things about the episode has been that people describe others as snowflakes or use the term Boomer in a derogatory way. These are things I hate. I’m a Boomer myself and don’t want myself lumped together with people others determined as bigots. Nor do I like millennials called snowflakes since my son is one and I believe him to be sensitive and thoughtful partly because I brought him up that way.

Social media etiquette

Twitter can be an evil and upsetting place. But it can also be a place of support and encouragement. As members of the sex blogging community, we could easily be set upon by trolls who don’t understand or care for our point of view. But instead we choose to attack each other. Personally I want a kinder community than that.

And I will keep believing that is the community we all want. One that is kind, that respects individual difference and people’s desire to be referred to in the way they feel appropriate. A community that acknowledges mistakes and then moves on. Otherwise we are no better than those who would attack us for having the audacity to write about sex or kink. Finally, if you wouldn’t say something to someone’s face even after a drink, then don’t say it on twitter.

For the Health of it

There’s a new meme in town. Not sex, kink or relationship focused. But health related. I started my new blog, Food, Fitness and Health in November 2019 and now I am launching a meme. Full details are available here. It goes live at midnight tonight.

The first prompt is Physical Health. I’ll be writing about my breast cancer and how that diagnosis made me think about my health in a way I hadn’t before. Please join in. You know you want to.

The link will be open from midnight tonight until 12.00 midday on 8th March (UK time).

SoSS 2020 # 4 – Favourite February photos

My February Photofest for 22nd February 2020.

This week I’m sharing some of my favourite photos from this month’s February Photofest. I am in total awe of the amount of work that fellow bloggers put into this annual event. Which I’m sure you know is run by the fabulous Molly Moore. Every year I say I’m going to plan and to create great images and every year I struggle to make it to the end. Below are some of my favourites so far, this year.

The beautiful fishnet body stocking Little Switch Bitch is wearing in this image is inspiring. I’d love to wear something similar and to carry it off as well as she does. But I also love the colour contrast of her skin, the outfit and the grass. I do love outdoor photos and need to take more of them myself.

In this image by Purple’s Gem the flowers from the garden are inside and resting delicately on little gem’s beautiful body. Their creativity knows no bounds and I have enjoyed looking at all of their photos. This is a favourite because of the colour contrasts again. I’m a sucker for those!

My favourite photo on my own blog this February is the one I took the other day for the Fishnet Wicked Wednesday prompt. I have to admit it is images such as this one by Nikki from Love is a Fetish. What beautiful tights that show off her very lovely ass.

Deviant Succubus’s photos this month have been a real joy. Her images are such fun and a great opportunity to see her in so many poses and situations. This one is both beautiful and so funny. I love it!

I am enjoying The other Livvy’s Film Review Blog and this month some of her February photofest photos reflect the films she is reviewing . This one from The Graduate is fabulous. It’s great that EA is such a sport when it comes to his role in the photos. In this one he is wearing clothes, which isn’t always the case in their photos.

Marie’s image of herself superimposed over her local city of Rotterdam is both clever and beautiful. I have great memories of our visit there last year when we met and had dinner with Marie and Master T. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see much of the city due to the weather when we arrived. But that’s a great excuse to return.

Brigit Delaney’s theme has been close-ups. This beautiful photo appeared last weekend for Sinful Sunday. A perfect close up of Mr D’s cock. Just lovely.

For obvious reasons I love a kneeling submissive photo. I love the anticipation that shines through this image from Jade from Pieces of Jade. Plus the casualness of her partner as he holds his drink. It makes me want to strip off and get on the floor at Master’s feet.

Finally a Sinful Sunday image from submissy, taken on the occasion of her 50th birthday recently. A stunning image of a beautiful person. I just had to share it here.

Elust #127

Elust 127 Header submissy

Photo courtesy of Submissy

Welcome to Elust 127

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #128? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

My Racial Identity and My Rainbow Cunt Flaunting Denise My first caning session

~ Featured Posts by our Guest Editor (May More’s Picks) ~

Little Sex Toy-Part 1 I don’t read as much erotica as other sex bloggers. But if I did this is the kind I would be reading. Weathering the Winter of Low Libido-land Mrs Fever once again tackles a serious topic with a certain amount of humour and in her very readable yet inimitable style. Want to be a Guest Editor? Send me an email at questions@elustsexblogs.com All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Work Sets You Free Morning. Orgasm. Wearing his collar and cuffs The Sixth Sensuality

Books and Movies

Preaching to the Perverted Movie-buff Sex Explained: Docu-Series Review Law & Order S01E10: The Celluloid Dungeon

Erotic Fiction

Two Swallows Daisy Goes to a Bar Behind, On Top & Inside The reward Breakfast In Bed Three Times a Woman Enema Addict

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Fourth trimester sex (after birth)

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

How do you feel when you play? Why I Should be Allowed to Orgasm The Problem with Causing Pain Elust 2020 Logo

SoSS 2020 – 3

So, we’re already a week through February and so far so good with my fortnightly #SoSS posts! My reading this last couple of weeks has been varied and there have also been the February Photofest posts to keep up with. I’ll devote the #SoSS to them – there will be some fabulous ones to choose from.

I’m loving May More’s new meme Life Matters has been devoted to food over the past few weeks. There have been some extremely thought provoking posts linked up. This makes me realise that my new meme on Food, Fitness and Health should be able to pick up where May leaves off. I am having some artwork done for the site and once that’s ready, then I’ll be ready to launch. So watch this space. Meantime, in this post Posy Churchgate describes how she had to learn to eat again after surgery. I can identify with the changes she has made to her diet following my own cancer diagnosis.

This week’s Wicked Wednesday produced a number of posts about how others help you to be the person you are. This post by Isabelle Lauren, however, focuses on the way in which the sex blogging and writing community have helped her develop and blossom as a writer. As I read her words I found myself nodding along because I know the same is true for me. I love how supportive and encouraging people are. I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen in all writing genres.

Purple Gem’s post about little gem’s video surprise had me smiling and then laughing out loud as I watched her toy review preparations. Purple Gem’s description of What Happened Next is extremely hot. I love their writing and photography. They obviously have a lot of fun and I’m so glad they are such active members of this community.

I’ve mentioned before that the female chastity posts I have written over the years are the most viewed on this blog. There seems to be a huge appetite for this topic. So, I was pleased when Cara said on Twitter that she was planning to write some female chastity erotica. This post is just so erotic, I absolutely love it. She is a wonderful writer and I am so pleased that she is back writing more regularly.

This post by Molly More lifted my heart this week. It is great to gradually learn more about her relationship with The Charmer. It feels that Molly is on the cusp of realising some of her long held desires to have a MFM threesome. I have to admit that if I was offered the chance of a threesome that’s what I’d chose too. Exciting too is that The Charmer seems to be just as excited at the prospect as Molly. The whole piece, giving more insight into their relationship is just wonderful.

Previous posts from this week across the years

I am, because we are

It is a coincidence that as I walked home yesterday I was thinking about this topic. Wondering about who I am now as we enter the 7th year of our life together. Wondering whether I am worthy as his submissive and partner. I came to the conclusion that we are where we are because of who we are, together. So, some background.

Last weekend was the 6th anniversary of the day we met in person. This year we celebrated by going out for dinner. We often eat out, but usually it’s because we are doing something away from home and dinner out is easier. This was a meal out for itself.

Today I received notice that the first part of my divorce, the decree nisi will be heard in court in March. 6 weeks and one day later I will be divorced. My entire blog catalogues my own journey to this point. In many ways I am the person I was at the beginning, but of course events have changed me. Plus taking on the role of slave and starting a new long term relationship has added to that.

The person I was

Confused, probably sums it up. As I approached my 50th birthday I knew change was needed. My life wasn’t going as it should and I wanted something different. Trouble was I didn’t know what that different was or how to go about getting it. I consider my self lucky that the two men I met along the way helped guide me towards discovering what that might be. The fall out from my ex was hard to bear. Last week while reading some old posts from 2013 to link to my privacy post I came across some very disturbing writing.

My husband was playing me. I know that now since at the time he was already in another relationship (still unknown to me). But meanwhile he manipulated me and made me feel I was beyond dreadful for cheating on him. He made me sleep deprived by turning up early in the morning and then he snooped through my emails and was generally horrible. All the time I cooked meals for him if he decided to be home. Made sandwiches and did his washing. YES, I actually did those things. I was a complete doormat. I now know I should have kicked him out and changed the locks. But that’s with the benefit of hindsight.

The person I am

From the beginning of my relationship with Master things changed. He listened to me and helped me work out how to navigate the way ahead. I didn’t always to what he suggested to begin with. But usually there was some method in his ideas. His own other relationship was messy and so we worked through those times together. Sometimes that meant just being there for each other. I know there were times when he felt less dominant for it, but this was a human need not about power exchange dynamics. Not many months after we met my father became terminally ill and died. The support Master provided during that time set the scene for the kind of partner he would be.

Running parallel to all of those more intimate and personal elements of our relationship is the kink. Power, Dominance, submission, kinky sex and play. Over the years we have learned what is our norm. The things that feel safe and right. But we have also pushed each other to try new things.

For a very long time we played in the privacy of our own home and occasionally in a privately hired dungeon. It was also a while before we ventured to Munches and in the end it was through talking to people at those events that drew us to play events. Then recently we started meeting up with some people we met at one of those. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that often I’d prefer to stay at home. Well until I’m there that is. But that is also true of attending vanilla events even with friends.

Am I submissive enough? Is he dominant enough?

These were my thoughts as I listened to some podcasts while travelling yesterday (details below). My idea of submission at the beginning of this journey was based on erotica and other blogs. Training plans for submissives, men with dungeons in their basements, kneeling naked etc. It isn’t like that. For obvious reasons. But when Master tells me I’ve been bratty, I do stop and think. When he tells me to kneel and suck his cock I do it. When he asks me if I’ve achieved the things in my planner, I do reflect. And when he tells me his is proud of the person I glow with pride.

He has helped me become the slave he wants, but also I have helped him to become the dominant I need. Our life together is the one we have made together and it isn’t like anyone else’s I’m sure. But it occurs to me that we are who we are and I am the person I am because of us.

At some point soon, I am going to draw a line on some of the past. We share enough history on this blog not to need to go back further. The posts will remain but they will be archived from view. They are not ones that are retweeted anyway. Time to move on.

Thoughts generated from the following podcasts

Privacy

Scrabble letters spelling out privacy

Where to start with the Food for Thought topic of privacy this week? The fact that our every move around towns and cities, in pubs, shops and restaurant are monitored. That our digital habits are monitored to the extent that we receive adverts on our phones for things mentioned in passing. Or being part of a sex positive, open community that guards its privacy. And that’s without mentioning the debate in my own head about privacy vs being out there.

We’re constantly being watched

I noticed last weekend that our regular pub has (at least) two cctv cameras. One points towards the bar area and the other in the newly refurbished lounge. The latter is used for events. Hmm I thought, even here I’m being watched and not just by the staff.

We’re used to the cameras on the roads and in public spaces. Yes, they can be used to catch people up to no good, but they are there and they are watching.

One of our neighbours is obsessed that people turn in the area in front of their house. It’s not even a private driveway but they’ve put up signs staying Private Keep Out. We overheard the guy telling a driver who had missed the sign that they would be on cctv and if they did it again they would be prosecuted. For a while we thought they really had cameras, but they haven’t. However I was worried for a while that the camera was trained straight towards our house. It turned out to be a central heating flue. Still their behaviour gives us hours of amusement.

The evils of google (other search engines exist and there are other evils)

This morning I ordered some new clothes online. Socks and a top from my favourite place for socks. Minutes later I had adverts for that company on my facebook timeline. Tell you what Facebook, I just bought from this company, I need no adverts. I looked at a planner online the other day and on my Instagram I had a picture of the planner with a message. ‘We saw you looked at our planner, why not complete your purchase’. No thanks.

Before now we’ve been discussing a place, activity or potential purchase and next one of us gets an unsolicited email or advert somewhere. What the fuck? So it’s clear that we’re being watched (through digital algorithms or something) at home as well as out of it.

But to be honest I’m not ready to make all my movements secret just yet. Though of course I’m in disguise right now. True, I’m not wearing a moustache and dark glasses but I am hiding my true identity while in plain site on my blog.

The issue of privacy in the sex blogging / kink community

Many people in this community use an alias, some of the names are very clever. So much so that you don’t always know that isn’t their real name. Many people post photos of themselves but never show their face. Or at least show it in such a way that you would pass them in the street. I know people in person from munches, kink events and of course Eroticon and don’t know their real names. Some I’ve been told their real first names, but can’t remember and still call them by their aliases. I’m not sure it matters. So long as the person you portray in that world is you, it doesn’t matter what you call yourself.

Not too long ago the blogging community was stung by someone who used an alias but also invented a whole life. As their lies unravelled it wasn’t the fact that we didn’t know their real name that hurt. But that the person had destroyed the trust of the community. Equally there are plenty of fake Dom / Dommes online. People who lure the vulnerable into their lair and then inflict abuse. Privacy is important but can come with at a price.

Being out but private about it

At the beginning of this journey I guarded my privacy. My blog was known about by no one I knew. This was partly because of the nature of what I was doing (kinky stuff with a new man) but mainly because I was married. I was also working in a profession where you could get sacked (at that time) for things posted on the internet. Gradually though things changed. My husband found out about my infidelity (through snooping in my emails) and once I met Master I explored kink in new ways. In 2013 I was made redundant and my relationship with my longterm public sector employer changed for ever. When I worked for them again a year later I cared much less about being sacked. But anyway attitudes have changed (not to kink so much as blogging etc. in general.

So, you can see my face on my blog. My name is Julie and I’m relatively open about myself and my life. But I wouldn’t write or tell people my full name, my surname is not common. I tell people face to face the general area in which I live, but not the address. I discuss my son and family but am pretty vague about them and would never post photos of them on my blog. For one thing it would be difficult to get consent since I don’t want them to know about it. In an ideal world I’d be open to family and friends about our lifestyle. But the world isn’t ideal and I just know they wouldn’t understand. But also, it’s our business and I don’t want to mix up those aspects of my life.

Recent challenges

Recently I started my new blog Food and Fitness for Health. It’s vanilla and about the challenge of getting myself healthier and fitter. I had the hunch that others might use if as a resource and wanted to keep it separate from this blog. I have friends who would be great contributors but I have stopped at the point of telling anyone. But I just know (or have a hunch) that it would lead to being outed. So I’m in a quandary.

I’ve already linked this blog with them by the Food Matters and Wicked Wednesday memes. But actually in order to get it up and running I do need to do so. I need this community to help give some traction. So, I’ll continue to sit on the fence about telling people and instead let them come to me.

So you see, I’m out but in a private way. Also though I’m not convinced that in the end it’s individuals we should be scared of. Because the large social media and other tech companies that are tracking us and already know all of our names. Fake and fiction. So I get on with life and try not to worry about what might happen if my son found out I am MPB Julie and not just plain mum.

Time to celebrate

Photo by Clarinta Subrata on Unsplash

This is a special week, the 400th edition of Wicked Wednesday, so time to celebrate such an amazing feat. This weekly meme was invented by and is hosted by Marie Rebelle and has been running since 4th June 2012. At that time I was in the first throws of my extra first and only marital affair. Everything was new, including my blog which I’d started in April that year. Back then, my blog was pretty much a diary of events, probably written and read by myself alone. But since I’d started it to do just that, it didn’t matter.

My first Wicked Wednesday

This post written on March 26 2016 was my first linked to the Wicked Wednesday meme. Since then I’ve joined in 97 time prior today (so this is number 98). The only meme I’ve joined more times is Sinful Sunday with 118 posts. Of course, in a way posting a photo is easier than thinking up words, so maybe this isn’t surprising.

What I like about Wicked Wednesday

Marie’s hard work and engaging nature has paid off over the years. I always know that she will read and visit my and all the posts each week. Her thoughtful comments make all the difference, especially when you are covering a difficult topic. speaking of which the subjects are equally well thought out and planned ahead. What’s more others that have linked provide ample reading material for the days ahead.

Reviewing Wicked Wednesday

Over the past 2 or 3 years Marie has handed the Wicked Wednesday review over to her contributors. This involves doing a round up and picking three posts which stood out. This post, written in June 2017 is about my first review. The first time I’d done anything like that. I was overwhelmed with the amount of reading (of course this was before the Smut Marathon) and in awe of the work Marie does every week. I’ve done the round up once more since and I’m due to do it again later this year.

You can post anything really

The great thing is that you don’t have to follow the prompt and can actually link pretty much any post from your blog. You can also combine memes, which I and others often do. But I quite like to follow the prompt if I can as I am not always filled with new ideas. When your blog is 8 years old, as mine will be soon, you have often written about most things.

Other things to celebrate this week

Marie’s blog was 10 years old this week, what an amazing feat. I have to say I am proud to call her a friend and really value the support she has given me over the years. I raise my virtual glass of champagne in celebration. Congratulations Marie, here’s to the next 400 weeks of Wicked Wednesday!