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Blogging A-Z 2018: SoSS

Today is Saturday and today’s letter is S, so it must be Share our Shit Saturday (SoSS). Most mornings this week we have had a slow, leisurely start to the day. This has given me time to blog and read blogs, engage with Twitter and even Facebook.

Favorite blog post of the week

Molly Moore wrote about her life as a voyeur and how she discovered just how much watching others turns her on. She related this to her experience with a former lover and then to the polyamorous relationship that she is now part of with her husband Michael and Cara who more recently came into their life. I was privileged to meet Cara when she was in the UK recently and can understand why Michael fell for her. That Molly has been able to welcome Cara into her life and Cara has made Michael so happy is wonderful.  But more than that, Molly explains how excited she is to share Michael with Cara.

I am actually quite in awe of their situation. When my relationship with Master started, I was the third person. His then slave was planning to join him here, but was still living in the US. She was almost immediately jealous of me and tried hard to undermine me. The result was that their relationship ended. So I didn’t get the chance to know whether I would have been turned on while they had sex. We have spoken about introducing another woman for play purposes, but it hasn’t happened. It is something I am curious about, but don’t know if I would be as accepting as Molly. The idea of kissing Master while someone else sucks his cock is quite a turn on though.

Scarlett Ladies – Blog post by The Other Livvy

I wasn’t aware of Scarlett Ladies until I read this post by Livvy. It is a sex positive network of women in London that includes events and meetings to attend as well as newsletters etc. They have a wonderful website, that I need to take a closer look at. Livvy’s blog post is an update on one she wrote soon after her marriage last year. Its about her decision to take her husband’s surname and whether this makes her less of a feminist.

When I got married in 1984 I never considered whether changing my name was a good or bad thing to do, I just did it. Only later, I found that a number of my nursing colleagues used both their maiden and married names. One for work and the other for home and family. This approach seems practical and sensible when it’s desirable to keep the two separate.

I have never thought of this as a feminist issue though, but rather as what is practical. Certainly friends who either weren’t married or else kept their maiden names encountered difficulties when their children went to school. The schools (at the time) struggled with knowing what to call a mother with a different name from their child. The children themselves of course, asked questions, so all having the same name is easy. Plus having a child with a different name at airport security can take a little extra time.

But none of this is important. What matters is doing what is right for you and for the right reasons. Livvy seems to have thought through her options and decided what she wants. This doesn’t make her less of a feminist, but demonstrates she is a woman who knows herself, her needs. She is also considering her husband and future family and that deserves respect.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: M (and #SoSS)

Life has been crazy busy round here. Consequently I haven’t had much time for  the #SoSS meme. This is a round up and shout out to other sex bloggers and came about because of the trend towards censorship and twitter shadow banning. But since I need to write anyway, for the letter M, I have decided to make this a post for both A-Z Challenge and #SoSS.

M is for Mention – Marie Rebelle mentioned me today on her round up and I took the word mention from her A-Z.

Some more mentions as follows:

Fellow bloggers have also been doing the April Blogging challenge. I especially like JZ’s. Hers are all about cooking, I urge you to take a look. Her stories are great and there is huge debate on many topics. This one is about the new fangled Instant Pots, which to me are just snazzy pressure cookers. Like JZ I have enough gadgets and prefer slow to fast cooking. I know this isn’t sex, per say but food is very important!

Submissy’s posts are about her life as a submissive, and have enabled her to review some of her previous posts. I intended to do this, but have been too unorganised. That in itself makes her worthy of a visit, but her posts are well worth the read. This one on Head, humiliation and happy ever afters talks about how the ability to switch off from day to day life can be helped through submission.

Charley at Sex blog of sorts expanded on her very good smut marathon entry. Katy the girl who has everything and is fantastic at all she does. Who hasn’t known someone a bit like that. There is a flaw though and reading it from a mum’s point of view and as a nurse would consider post natal depression. Or maybe she really does love her husband more than her child.

I was really disappointed at my smut marathon third round result. I received some great feedback but didn’t score at all. Critics were correct, it was difficult to know which of my characters had the flaw. My mistake was that both did. Still on to the next round.

Hannah Lockhardt is the latest twitter account to be shadow banned. I love her post telling us about the post eroticon adventures she has planned. Plenty future blog material there.

Finally Eye, wrote an amazing piece this week about being owned. I so identify with her about her journey to recognising herself as submissive and it’s effect on her. I love that she is able to express her wants and needs through this post.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: J

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Our Journey

We have been travelling on this Journey for over 4 years now. There have been many times, that I have worried I am not worthy to be Master’s slave. After all, I am headstrong, mouthy and independent. But I know I am also dependent on him and have been so, almost since the beginning. This is the first time in my life I have relied so heavily for advice and support. The first time I have allowed another to guide me through life and to tell me what to do. It is the first time I have allowed another to have the last word.

My own Journey

Began in 2012. Almost exactly 6 years ago. By the end of that year I had already decided I wanted to leave my marriage. But I have to admit that legally I am still married. The journey has been painful. There have been lies and deceit along the way, and I others have been hurt in the process.

But I am now at the biggest cross roads since November 2012 when I told my husband of my infidelity. His new partner’s house is up for sale and I believe it will be sold very soon. This summer I will need to sort out my belongings, throw out the things I don’t want and need, things that aren’t important to me and I will prepare to move out.

This has been my family home for 27 years. My son was only 5 months old when we moved here. He spoke his first words, crawled and walked here. We have celebrated birthdays, Christmas and held parties. We have laughed and we have cried.

But it is time to move on, my husband can become and ex. My son and his girlfriend have their own home and are travelling through their life together. I have Master and I will move to his house.

Our Journey

There are so many places Master and I want to travel together, places we want to see and things we want to do. We know that we want the time and space to do so and that will require more change on my part. The end of my solo journey is in sight and a new one for us both is now about to begin.

Most important though is not the actual geographical places we might travel to or that I will need to change my work patterns to do so. More important is the distance we have travelled together and the place we will soon arrive at.

I can’t wait for the next stage of our journey as we come together, finally as one.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: I

So, I am now a day behind. Every year, I plan to plan and get ahead and every year something comes up and I get behind. Yesterday was my brother’s birthday and there was just no time to publish a post before going out. This then, is the first of two posts this evening.

I is for Interacting

Communication is such an important aspect of human life. Face to face, it is the non verbal queues that often have more effect on us than the words spoken.

Online, we see rather than hear the words, but can’t see the person typing them and often struggle to see their true meaning. Who hasn’t received an email, grown angry at it’s contents and responded. I certainly have, though these days I try to pause, think about my response and sometimes pick up the phone.

I love the way we interact with each other as bloggers, commenting under a post, tweeting about what we have read. Or engaging with each other about blogging and writing on Twitter. It is easy though for the message being conveyed to be lost in translation, not because we don’t speak the same language. But because we can’t pick up those non verbals.

Commenting on blogs

The other day I had a little rant about people commenting, or not on each other’s sinful Sunday posts. It is one of the things Molly asks us to do and since  shadow banning started to be an issue it has become more important. We need to get our work out there for others to see and unless it is publicised they don’t. Also commenting is useful for growing your own audience. But mostly it shows the other person that you have visited and thought about what you have seen. People came back to say that they often didn’t have time or were going through challenges in their lives. Of course, I can’t claim to be perfect either, since there are occasions I don’t look at all Sinful Sunday and other Meme’s posts let alone comment.

There is also the issue of having nothing new or constructive to say, as well as people being overly critical. Being nice for the sake of it isn’t right, but upsetting people is worse.

But, it is worth considering why we contribute to memes such as Sinful Sunday. As is thinking about how we feel knowing people have visited and commented. There are lots of ways of showing appreciation, through comments, on Twitter or by posting a round up. But interacting with each other is important and where possible we should do it.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: F

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

F is for Family

I have wonderful memories of times spent with family. The oldest of 3 children, our home was busy and noisy. Friends or other family were often around as we grew up. My maternal grandmother was one of 9 children and so even though both my parents were only children, we had a large wider family. There were many weddings, christenings, birthday parties, more weddings, christenings and finally funerals to attend.

Once grown up and married my siblings and I along with spouses and children congregated at my parents house for family events – Christmas, birthdays, Sunday lunch. But as time went on and we had our own friends it all became a bit too much. There was an expectation by my parents that we would be there for those special occasions. Little thought was given to the fact we might instead want to visit inlaws or go out with friends. Everything was taken for granted.

Until that is things began to fall apart. Within a year of each other my brothers’ separated from their wives. Family occasions were immediately different. When they met new partners my parents were disappointed that things did not revert back. Our children were growing up, my nephew and son away at university, the other children often with their mothers, friends, or other family. My own marriage break up and then the death of my dad in 2014 seemed destined to cause us to drift further apart. We all found the absence of our dad difficult to handle and my mum’s needs threatened to cause conflict rather than to bring us together.

My mum’s move earlier this year means she is living close to the older of my 2 brothers. Perhaps is may help bring us all together again. We are  beginning to communicate more effectively and to enjoy family time again. This hasn’t yet led to the whole family getting together at her new place yet, but perhaps it soon will. All her grandchildren (bar the one who has been abroad for almost a year) have visited, some of them at the same time. Due to the distance we are making more effort. Adult family life is not the same as that of childhood, and being middle aged ourselves means it is different again. But I do believe we all recognise the importance of making the most of time we can be together.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: E

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

E is for Equilibrium

It would be wonderful to say that I am firing on all cylinders and that my life was in equilibrium. But I am not sure it is.

So many good things have happened to me over the past few years. Unhitching myself from a marriage that threatened to over power and unhinge me and then finding the  man who I wish to share my life with are just two. Indeed the stressed and emotional woman I was in 2014 when we met is no more. I am happier than ever, clear about the person I am and clear where I am heading.

But still the same things trouble me. My ex hasn’t given me the final things I require to break through. The house remains ours rather than theirs because his new partner hasn’t sold her place. Plus we remain married in law.

These are two areas of my life in which Master will not intervene. So it is up to us. I despair at my inability to force action despite numerous conversations. Apparently her house has been valued, but still I must wait in final stasis.

Last year I blamed my mum because she hadn’t moved house. My brothers’ because they didn’t pull their weight. But those things no longer ring true.

Equilibrium for me and for us will be found when we are free of my ex, my house and everything that goes with it. I know we are close, just not close enough.

I am beginning to wonder what needs to happen next to make our dream a reality. To allow me to move in with Master and to let me resign my job.

I need equilibrium in my life. It is within touching distance but now quite close enough to be reality.

 

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Blogging A-Z 2018: D

This s the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

D is for Decision making

In an around about way this post is about Dominance and submission. But in particular how they relate to decision making.

I believe I am naturally submissive, and when I appear dominant that is learned behaviour. Being an older sibling, being an extrovert not frightened of speaking her mind and marrying someone unable to make decisions helped.  I always preferred that others make decisions especially where they are important and potentially life changing. However since I am not keen on actually being ‘told’ what to do, I haven’t exactly been pushed around . If you won’t be told what to do and at the same time need to decide something then you have to make the decision yourself. Added to that, if you live with someone who hates making decisions and goes out of his way to avoid doing so, then you are pretty much stuffed.

This then, is how I lived my life, unsurprisingly I was often miserable. At work, I took leadership roles, improved my knowledge and over time experience in my chosen field. I felt comfortable making decisions, but found that each days work to be tough, tiring. Not always physically, but emotionally. And then, I would come home, take care of a child and a husband. To get the adult I lived with to decide where to go on holiday or persuade him go out with friends and family was worse. So I took many decisions out of his hands and that often led to conflict between us.

There was more to the failure of our relationship than my being a natural submissive who needed a dominant, but it didn’t help. When I decided to end the marriage I had already dipped my toe into  a D/s relationship. Meeting Master only confirmed my initial instincts.

Being part of a M/s relationship

Decision making now is a shared experience. Of course there are many areas of life that I need to retain control of. But when it comes to life changes these are discussed and shared. I still don’t much like being told what to do, but Master has a way of exerting his view and authority without me feeling he is doing so. He is gentle and patient with me, which helps, though we have our moments. He really does hate being told what to do and so I can’t get away with some of the behaviours I used with my ex. That is a very good thing, since I wasn’t always fair on him.

The key now is that I can be myself and I have someone to make decisions with me and often for me. Increasingly I like that.

 

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Blogging A-Z 2018: B

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

B is for Blogging

In a couple of weeks I will reach the 6th anniversary of my lifestyle blog. Starting out on blogger as World of joolz, I must have sensed that I would need to record my journey. At that time I was dipping a toe into D/s and exploring sex in a way I had only dreamed of.

To begin with it was my own personal journal and wasn’t read by anyone but myself. Good job too, since my writing style left a lot to be desired. Reading back,  posts are often short and something of a brain dump. They are also short on detail about what really went on, including my feelings. But gradually as I read around my new subject matter, explored and commented on other blogs, things changed. My writing improved as I engaged with others and while I still wrote for myself, there was definitely a benefit in knowing others were reading too.

The blog has helped me express myself through difficult times, like telling my husband about my affair with S. Writing helped me to express my feelings, deal with the confusion and decide what I should do next. The relationship with S ended and very soon after I met the man I now call my Master. He is my lover and also my partner. I told him about the blog early in our relationship, without realising he would go back and read every post I had ever written. This helped him learn about me and also directed his questioning about what I wanted from our sex and kink life.

Over the past couple of years I have engaged with the sex blogging community much more. To the extent that I have met many of those who now read my blog. I enjoy using the prompts from memes such as Wicked Wednesday and Submissive Coffee Club. Sinful Sunday has helped us to develop a more creative side through photography. But in the main what I write and post here is personal, for me and for us. Of course I don’t publish all of the gory details of my life, but I think that I am more open than most.  This is because I want to be able to use the blog to record our continuing journey.

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Blogging A-Z 2018: A

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

A is for Amsterdam

Amsterdam is important to Master and I for many reasons. For him it is a place he went to work during a difficult time in life, but it is a place of many happy memories. Work may have been challenging at times, but he learned the language (as much as is possible for an English person) and he explored much more of the country than is usual. Sex was important part of his life at that time, something he explored through the sex workers he met during that time. One of those lovely ladies is now a friend to us both, her life is different now. But our friendship was created through theirs in the late 90’s.

I have some fantastic memories of our trips to that wonderful city. It is interesting to visit a city such as Amsterdam with someone who knows it so well. This means that we steer clear of the most tourist focused areas, including most of the red light district and pubs. Instead we have a few favourite restaurants and bars and explore great canal areas, buildings and galleries. On one trip we travelled out to Otterlo, home of the Kröller-Müller museum and Hoge Veluwe National Park. We cycled around the park in early spring and visited the wonderful collection of paintings including many by Van Gough.

We have stayed in some beautiful hotel rooms in Amsterdam, a boutique hotel where I tried my first dutch gin in the little honesty bar. A huge room with its own large jacuzzi bath and sauna. As well the hotel for our trip in December, before our stay got extended due to the snow. 

Amsterdam hotel room with it’s own jacuzzi bath and sauna

 

 

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Eroticon Diary – Afterwards

Today I was back at work just a few miles from Camden Town. It seemed almost impossible to believe that my 4 day break had flown by quite so quickly. The anticipation and excitement I felt on Thursday as I left the office replaced by tiredness and yes a little sadness. We are going to have to wait an entire year before Eroticon takes place again. But I have taken away some amazing memories along with a head crammed with ideas. Yesterday I was just too tired to write, but in the office this morning  I could have written loads. Instead I got down to the emails, interspersed that is with twitter chat. So, what were my highlights?

The talks

There were so many great sessions to attend, so there were difficult choices. I can honestly say I enjoyed every session I went to.

Remittance Girl’s session on Taboo and Transgression had me thinking all weekend. It also gave Master and I plenty to discuss in our downtime and with others at the conference. The universal taboos of incest, murder and canabalism are almost passé as film and book topics. Speaking ill of modern politicians and celebrities perhaps carries a greater danger. Remittance Girl was clear that as writers we must tackle the really difficult topics. Consent, pornography, the sexualisation of children, of illness and disability to name a few.

Kayla Lords provided an insight into the making a living from blogging and writing. Something I hadn’t really considered. It has made me assess my worth and given me food for thought about the future. This is not something I would pursue while still working but it could be an alternative to what I had planned. On Sunday, I attended Cressida Dowling’s session: Is there a book in your blog? In essence I think the answer is no – I have no clear theme, I am not organised enough and am probably too lazy. I’ll leave that to others and buy their book.

Neil Brown’s Legal tips session was very interesting. Unfortunately we got stuck on the issue of age verification. I know this is a really important topic and one we all need to know about, but it prevented him covering everything. I enjoyed hearing his views and advice on freelancing, particularly after Kayla’s earlier talk. And I was pleased to find he confirmed much of her advice.

The talk on SEO by Miguel and Mark from Fetish.com was extremely useful. The loss of my blog and subsequently pasting my old backed up posts means I have about 600 without SEO. Loads to do then.

Vac Play and Kink Lab

I knew Mactire was going to be at Eroticon and had already decided I was going to try out vac play. He offered me the choice of all 3 of the beds, I chose the one I thought least likely to cause me anxiety.

I loved the experience and will definitely try the cube in the future. I am less keen on the Vac Bed that involves being completely encased in rubber.

 

Socialising 

Last year  at Eroticon I struggled to engage fully with my fellow delegates. This is not a new issue for me at conferences. I tend to stick with people I know and having Master with me meant I conformed to type. This year though I wanted things to be different. He did too and I agreed to socialise more.

Being more active on Twitter before the event helped. By the end of the Friday meet and greet I had already spoken to more new people than in the whole of the weekend last year.

I enjoyed re-engaging with people from last year, putting faces to names from blogs and twitter. We spent some time on Friday speaking to Kendra, including helping her plan her visit to Harry Potter World. She told us a little about the talk she would be giving on Sunday. It didn’t however prepare me for the power of her talk on Sunday. I am in awe of the things she has gone through during her life and that she has fought so hard to express herself. She is an absolute inspiration.

I am an author

Earlier in the year I submitted a story for inclusion in the Truth, the Eroticon Anthology. My submission is a true life account. I can’t describe how good it makes me feel to see my work in the Anthology. I will write more about this another time.

A weekend away

We love a weekend in a hotel. Even though we live just 20-30 miles from the Eroticon venue there was no question of us commuting. That would make it too much like being at work. We stayed in our favourite hotel, near Euston and took the tube or bus. The cold weather took me by surprise since I didn’t believe the forecast. So I arrived in and had to wear my light weight raincoat all weekend. But our room was warm and the bed huge. Sunday afternoon we snuck away from Eroticon and attended a pre-booked concert. Then dozed in the room. I wanted to go and meet up for post Eroticon drinks but couldn’t find enough energy for more than a stroll to a nearby burger bar.

An extra night in the hotel and a day off on Monday rounded off the weekend. Back home it felt like the weekend was a dream. I felt sad because the days had flown by. But with such wonderful memories I know this sadness will be short lived.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked