This girl returns

A reconnection has occured between Master and this girl. It isn’t exactly that we were disconnected in any particular way. But there hasn’t been much time to just be us and to discuss our relationship. We came together as Master and slave almost 4 years ago (Dominant and submissive before that for 3 months). Our lives are busy and we still don’t live together and yesterday we discussed the effect that has on us. We also spoke the words that needed saying. That we no longer wish to be apart.

There are things to be done to enable Master and this girl to live together all of the time. He has some work to do on the house so that there is room for my things. She has to sell her half of her house to the partner of her ex, or else sell the house to someone else. Last year was meant to be the year when we moved in together, but time slipped away and it hasn’t happened yet.

This girl had spent Friday night at her mum’s. Her new home is 2 hours away and so visiting every couple of weeks and staying over night is the best option. Arriving home at 1ish, this girl prepared some lunch and we drank wine with it. Then since we both felt a little weary we cuddled on the bed and slept a while. Before and after the sleep, he stroked and caressed his property. Master expressed his frustrations about the time we spend apart and this girl agreed.

Later after dinner, more wine and a visit to the pub and more wine we retired back to bed. For some reason (perhaps it was the excess of alcohol) this girl felt both horny and submissive. She felt both of these in a way she hasn’t in quite some time. This led to orgasms, too many to count and since they haven’t been drawn on her body there is no real way of knowing. However there were many. Orgasms through penetration, through his fingers and also his power alone. Strong orgasms that brought on a wonderful nights sleep, nestled in the body of her Master.

This morning brought more sex and also discussion and agreement. Final details need discussion but. This girl is definitely back in the relationship. She was never completely gone, but she was hidden. The dynamic needs refreshing every now and then, it requires effort, so it is in plain sight. He wants a house slave and that means she must live with him. Perhaps living in one house for a few days together then swopping over will work for a few months. More time spent naked, more time worshipping her Master, more time calling Him Master and referring to herself as this girl. Hence this post.

Time also for the tattoo. A butterfly at the base of her spine. That is the next step. He wants to buy a new collar and an ankle cuff. A change from the existing collar and reaffirmation of the relationship. Of his ownership and her slave hood. More to come on this matter.

What’s my name?

5 years ago, when I embarked upon this journey, one involving illicit sex with a bit of kink thrown in. I called myself Joolz on the various websites and on my new blog. The people I met at that time either didn’t know my real name or chose not to use it. To them I was Joolz.

But when Master and I met, 3 and a half years ago now. He saw me as someone else. To him Joolz was someone who was a bit scary, who had been struggling to find her true self. Joolz was someone in transition from Julie to……….. But who.

He wanted me to refer to myself as ‘this girl’. As far as he was concerned, my journey as a submissive needed to include some introspection about what and who I was. By removing the need to think of myself in the first person or as Julie the mother or daughter, the submissive inside would feel more real. At the same time he was of the opinion that Joolz was someone who had belonged to another, someone who had rejected me. By letting go of Joolz, I let go of that part of my past. Gave myself fully to him. Allowed myself to be absorbed into his ownership, to become his property.

Gradually over time this girl has become girl. He called and does call me girl. At times he has admitted that he has struggled to remember that I am also Julie. A 55 year old girl? Yes, but not any girl. His girl, his submissive and his slave. I do still refer to myself as ‘this girl’ but mainly during sex or play. The rest of the time I just know who and what I am, even when people call me Julie. I know I am His girl.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: G & I

G is for Girl

This girl’s given name is girl. Just 2 weeks after Master and I met, I wrote this post. At that time I was sceptical that referring to myself in the third person was something I could get used to. Let alone that doing so would have an influence on my submission. But I was a novice back then, not that I knew it since I thought I knew everything about D/s. The learning curve was steep but I was an eager student.

In those early days, to get used to referring to myself as ‘this girl’ I began to write my posts in the third person. It is only recently that I have reverted, though in many ways prefer writing as this girl. When we have sex, or when we are playing I don’t just refer to myself as this girl, I am she. It is my name, my identity, my slave persona. The rest of the time it is an undercurrent to my life. Master rarely uses my real name, and has admitted that sometimes he has to think about what it is. I usually call him Master, since that is who he is to me. Unless I am speaking to someone else about him, and even then I have sometimes let slip.

Illeism – the act of referring to oneself in the third person

Much more common in literature than in real life, illeism is I think an interesting concept. It distances you from your own individual self and places you in  secondary place to the other. In a power exchange relationship, being required to refer to myself in that way makes me consider each sentence I utter. It makes me think about my place as his slave, my role and function.

Of course, I don’t go around speaking in the third person all the time, for example at work or with family. That would be considered a bit on the weird side. Nor do I do so all of the time Master and I are together. But there are times when I would never refer to myself as I with him. We both know when they are and that is a rule I tend not to break.

 

365 Questions – Day 37; Torture

If you could do today over, would you change anything? 

 
Maybe I wouldn’t wake up at 4am having a night sweat – the misery of the menopause – then I wouldn’t have struggled to get out of bed this morning. On the other hand, maybe I would change the day from one that I had to work, to one where I was tortured like this………
 
 
 
 
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