Submission

I have written a lot about submission on this blog. The whole thing started with my discovery that I was a submissive person. That my need to please others, to lead a structured and orderly life had a name.

But what is clear from reading back, I really had no idea what I was getting into. I craved the control of another, for someone to take the lead, to tell me what I should do. But had no real idea the extent to which I wanted to be sexually dominated. Then once that had happened, that I would need so much more from my submission.

During 2012/13 when the whole consept of D/s was new to me I answered a series of questions (30 days of submission). Later when this relationship was new, in 2014 I revisited them. Links to the posts are here.

Key points from 2012 /13

Our D/s was mainly confined to the bedroom (and other places we had sex). Control came through the way S expected me to dress. Stockings and heels were his thing and I complied. I also started to wear more skirts and dresses.

When we were together there was a lot of sex. It was also pretty ritualistic, i.e. everything happened in a particular order. It was exciting, but it later transpired that he was busy ticking things off a D/s checklist.

This is not to undermine the great times we had together, or that I learnt a lot about sex and something about D/s.

Key points from 2014

The first thing I learnt when I met Master, was that all relationships (D/s or vanilla) are different. Next, I learned that I didn’t know as much about D/s, submission or BDSM as I thought.

It took me a while to work out if this submission thing was for real or play. Yes, there was quite a bit of play in those early days. But there was more to it. There were rules about dress and how we addressed each other. But there were other aspects of behaviour which Master sought to control from the start. Already, in May 2014 I had a view of the kind of submissive I might want to be.

Submission for this girl is developing into something that happens more within daily life than before. In the past submission was definitely part of a scene or getting ready for one. Increasingly this girl is handing over more control of herself to Sir, those areas of life where in reality she doesn’t need or desire it. This girl sees that more and more she will not make decisions that are important without discussing them with Him and ultimately seeking and receiving his permission to take a particular route. Increasing this is becoming a need rather than a desire.

18 May 2014
And today

I am the same person I was in 2012 and 2014. I enjoy being dominated in the play room or bedroom. I will follow rules, but often forget unless reminded. But the key element of my submission the extent to which I need to be controlled. I have handed over so much of the control I have over my own life that I almost feel like a different person.

That isn’t to say that I don’t make decisions for myself. But increasingly I feel the need to defer to him. I want him to take the lead and when he can’t for some reason I become anxious. I like that he has this power over me and when he is able to exert control it makes me feel safe and secure.

Submission is exactly what I thought it would be. But it is also very different. It is also something that is difficult to describe and no doubt I will need to return to.

Wayback when

I have a few photos that were taken before I regularly posted anything of myself. Wayback then, I was a little more worried about showing pictures of myself. Especially those of me in a somewhat compromising situation. Things have changed over the years.

This photo was taken at the very beginning of our relationship, almost exactly 5 years ago. At the end of our second or third playdate (I think). What you can’t see here (and I might show it another day) is my red pussy which had just been pumped. Not only did he clamp my nipples, but also used the zipper and spreader bar. The intensity of pain and of pleasure that day is something I can still remember even though I am short on details. It may have happened wayback when, but this is the first time I have shared this photo here.

February Photofest

What submission means to me

Last week I joined the SafeworD/s Club a chat community and website run by Missy and His Lordship. This is a great resource for both new D/s couples and also those who have been around for longer. I joined the live chat session and hope to get back soon. It was great to share experiences and find out more about everyone. I urge you to go take a look. They are also running a new Meme; Tell Me About, which started this week. The first topic is submission.

Throw-back Thursday photo from 2016

I have written about my submission many times. In fact, 177 times in the past I have labelled a post ‘submission’. Not surprising since I have been writing about this journey of mine for almost 7 years.

In the beginning

I didn’t really know what I was letting myself in for, nor did I really know what submission was (or what it wasn’t). My knowledge essentially came from books provided through my kindle in a pre 50 shades world. Many were just as unrealistic as that particular tale, often depicting a very young woman hooking up with a mega rich dominant. The more I read though, the more I realised that there was something in there for me. Mainly a world where I wouldn’t have to be the one to make all of the decisions and one where there would be sex and a lot of it. I didn’t know back then if I would enjoy the other elements such as pain and restraint. It turned out I did.

Immediately I started my first D/s relationship, I knew I should write about it. I must have had some kind of inkling that there would be no turning back and that has proved to be the case. I don’t want to go back over those early feelings (given I have written so much about them), but the archives, with links from the early days are here.

What my submission means to me now

Submission is now a way of life. It isn’t something that happens to me when we have sex, I am restrained or being flogged. Though they certainly enhance it. Instead it is more of a mindset. Something I consider when I am going about my daily life. I have agreed to serve my dominant, my Master. So, I try to think about him and what he wants and needs throughout the day. This is easier since I gave up work and actually since my cancer diagnosis.

Before, there were many competing priorities. Sometimes I felt I should be putting him first but felt I couldn’t. Many times I knew I should prioritise my own well being, but didn’t. Even when he told me I should.

During the first few weeks after I moved in with him, there was a period of adjustment. I struggled to work out who I was and what I wanted. But gradually things fell into place. I relaxed into the role we carved out for me and I began to feel calmer and more at peace with myself than I have for a very long time. If ever.

It is difficult to say what exactly is different. Just that it feels it. A bit like when you live with someone before marriage and then have a wedding. Something changes, but you are not sure what. In many ways we are a partnership, cooking and tackling household chores together. We are out a lot as we pursue cultural interests, enjoy good food and wine and we travel a lot. We also give each other space, but be communicate too and maybe that is the crux of things. Ensuring we can express not only what we want and need, but what we feel about those things. I serve him but am not waiting on him hand and foot. He has the last word, but cares for my needs deeply. Plus he washes up, makes my morning coffee and can cook too.

Ever since he named me MPB, Master has called me his pleasing and pleasure bitch. Lately he has been calling me his precious bitch. When he takes my submission it provides him with the power he needs. But we also trust each other implicitly to take care of each other. Lately he has been doing rather more of that and for once in my life I have allowed that to happen. Perhaps, at last I am happy in my submissive self. Cared for, loved and precious.

tellmeabout
February Photofest

Our dynamic

Our relationship dynamic, Master / slave can be described as a total power exchange. I, the submissive person have given control for much of my life to my Dominant partner. This has been a gradual process over a period of almost 5 years. While working and living in my own house I always retained at least some responsibility for my needs. While there has been no visible change since I moved in with Master I sense a growth in his power over me, and my submission too.

For many people practicing BDSM is a part time pursuit, something that takes place in the bedroom, a club or dungeon. Where each takes a role, for the duration of that session. There may be rope, or impact play, one might take a dominate role and the other the bottom or submissive. Even perhaps, roles are switched depending on mood and partner. In the early days, we intended our relationship to be more about play. But it soon became clear that we wanted and needed something more. Once he had asked me to be his slave and we had begun to negotiate what that might mean, there was no looking back.

Over the past couple of weeks as the old year came to an end and this new one has started I have been reflecting on our relationship. This has partly come about through writing my end of year blog posts. But also because I have been doing some thinking and reading. Master also bought me a new collar, and just yesterday a ring arrived for my regular one. This will enable him to be able to use a lead more when we are playing.

Thoughts on my submission

Living here with Master has enabled me to give more control of my life to him. Before, I always felt I must retain control financially and of family situations. There was also work, which of course came with responsibilities. Although I am still making decisions about what I want to do, I am doing less telling and more asking about them. I have my own money and I can and do spend it. But we are living in his house and there is more dependence on my part. While this may have scared the life out of me in the past, it no longer does. Indeed it fills me with pleasure.

My illness has shown me that it is ok to rely on another for support and yes, decision making. But the funny thing is, I don’t feel the need to take the control I have given up back from him. Indeed, I can see myself giving up more and more. This is strange, since I didn’t even realise I had more to give.

For a long time I have resisted some of the signs of submission Master asked for. Ones related to dress (wearing underwear), my hair length and getting a tattoo, spring to mind, but there are others. It feels though that this year I should take the plunge and open myself up to becoming the slave I know he desires.

Thoughts on his dominance

Power is the major driver for Master. When we play, it is the very fact that my body reacts in the way it does, to his body and the toys he uses, that drives him. During sex, he loves that he can control me and my orgasms. He loves that he can call me names such as bitch and it excites me. Me being his property is something that we both acknowledge and that enables his dominance to shine though. In those moments I am slave, MPB, this girl.

When I gave myself to him totally I also gave my limits. We had agreed what they were and as we moved along the power exchange continuum I realised that he could and should own them. I can still call red (though I haven’t) and he will stop. My consent has been given for Master to make the decisions in the bedroom, playroom and in life. But importantly this is reaffirmed regularly. He does so in such a way that I must state that my limits belong to him and uttering those words make him feel more dominant. Nothing makes me happier.

I know this isn’t a relationship for everyone. I didn’t even know it was for me and indeed I do question it myself from time to time. But 2019 definitely feels like the year for an exploration into how far this dynamic might take us.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

SCC Writing #228

Much of the literature I had read before embarking on a D/s relationship was fictional. While very hot, this kind of writing tends to be more about play and kinky sex than real life. It wasn’t really until I was starting my D/s journey with S and subsequently with Master that I read more widely.

What I gleaned from those ‘manuals’ of submission and slavery is that all relationships are different. That concepts of ownership, service, obedience and worship can be interpreted along a continuum. Just how strictly these apply depends upon the wishes and needs of the individuals. I think that Master and I like the idea of a relationship that interprets my slavery further towards the strict Master and compliant slave. But life needs to be more low maintenance than that for us both.

What is more, no relationship can sustain those first flushes of new excitement. Of constant arousal, discovering each other’s bodies, of pushing and testing limits. M/s for us right now is much more low key, perhaps an undercurrent to our lives rather than something that is overtly visible to others.

Having said all of that, we have let things slip a bit. There are rules, and expectations. Some are always followed and others really are not. We have discussed recently that we need to rediscover exactly what it is we both need from the M/s element of our relationship.

It is the very fact that we can and do communicate with each other about our relationship in its broadest sense as well as these specific elements, that feels different. We can and do discuss everything – we look back and analyse events and feelings and we make plans for the future. Those future plans involve mundane everyday things like me preparing my house for sale and him cleaning space for me to move in. They also include us thinking about ways in which we can better take account of His need to dominate me and mine to submit to Him. We often surprise each other. This might be by Him tell me He is about to pee on me in the shower, or perhaps I strip and kneel before Him, unprompted.

Life is no more like the fictional accounts of erotica that I often read than it is a manual of slavery. I would prefer to think that we are writing our own story as we journey though our life together.

Random Sunday thoughts

Though I haven’t necessarily articulated it in this way, I have often felt and said that finding my submission often makes me feel that the rug has been pulled from me. I know I am on a journey somewhere, but don’t really yet understand the destination. I am clear that submission for me is a better place than the one I inhabited before, and I am also clear that a half hearted attempt at submission, such as just in the bedroom is not an option for me.

I guess though, that I really never understood how difficult this journey would be.

I always felt reasonably assured in myself before. Confident in what I needed to do. That was partly because I rarely let anyone see the part of myself that is hidden to others, let alone the one that is hidden to me too. That sadly includes my husband of 30 years. I built a wall, one that was practically impenetrable. But a wall that is gradually being dismantled.

Things that I would have brushed aside, now concern me greatly – what people think, the deeper meaning within words, the reality that I feel nervous, fragile, sometimes unable to cope with ordinary life.

I seek assurance in a way that I never thought I would. I feel the need to try to understand the future in a way that I never did before, and frankly can’t even be determined.

This is partly to do with the fact I am in the process of so many endings. But also because of the reality that I have embarked on a relationship where I don’t yet know what is expected of me. Nothing yet is clear. Where as in the past I always thought I was allowing things just to happen, in reality, I was controlling them. Suddenly I feel I need clarity, but don’t control how that emerges. I need rules, perimeters and to understand my place, but don’t really know how to make that happen.

I know I need to let go much more, but am finding doing so really hard. I need His help, His support and His care. But I also need to have it spelt out a little more explicitly.

This girl’s submission

This has been a holiday weekend, plus, this girl has tagged a couple of extra days on so that she has a good break from work. That means that Sir and this girl have been able to spend 3 nights together.

This morning we lay in bed until very late. This girl commented on how calm she felt; how she is able to lie next to Sir and just be. Of course that being, involves Sir playing with His girl as He wants.  
This girl and Sir discussed recent blog posts, the effect of the piercings on her submission; they have made her feel her submission so much more. Sir likes this effect on this girl. This weekend has marked 3 months since Sir and this girl first met. It is also the last weekend that they can spend together for a while. This morning was important to us both, hence the reluctance to get out of bed. 
We discussed those first few dates and the way that Sir knew that this girl wanted to submit. The look He saw in her eyes and the feelings that this girl had during that time. We also discussed the fact that this girl thought she knew all about submission at that time but since then she has leant so very much.
What this girl knew about was sexual submission. Something important to both of us.  She knew about giving herself to a Dominant, however right then she didn’t know just how deep that submission could reach, how important it could be to her. She didn’t understand how important ownership of a girl’s orgasms were. How by giving up control could liberate her. She had no idea that it was possible to orgasm with little or no physical contact. She certainly does now.
In the past this girl has thought about piercings, however she had no idea that those piercings could take her deeper than she could imagine. That by admitting that they belonged to another they would give her a sense of fulfilment that she could only dream of. Being owned by another is so much more important to this girl than she knew. It is only a week since they were done, but already that much is clear.
But submission is not just about sex. It is about how an individual lives their life. Sir and this girl talked about the post regarding rules. Sir asked if this girl thought she needed more rules, perhaps tasks. But they agreed she does not. what she needs is to be able to live her life in the way that she knows Sir would be pleased with.  The rules don’t need to be created, they exist in this girl’s normal life. She knows how she should deal with situations at work and home, she knows the things she needs to do. Sir knows that too and by actually living in that way she knows that Sir will be pleased with her.
This girl faces a difficult few weeks. Sir will be away, He will be concentrating on the other important person in His life. This girl has had most of His attention for the past few months and now His attention must shift. This girl must be mindful of this and concentrate on being the submissive he wants and needs.  She needs to abide by the rules that are not actually articulated but exist. She must be His good girl. Only by doing these things will this girl be the submissive she desires and needs to be.

Thoughts of Wednesday

The great thing about the times spent with Master is that we do so many different wonderful things. I can live off those memories for days. This morning, when i was awake but it was much too early to get up on a Saturday i was considering how it felt to be tied to Master’s bed. He has a great wooden bed which lends itself nicely to an individual slut being tied by all 4 limbs. I was tied to this bed by 4 of the loudest ties you have seen, something that made me smile. Just being tied there made me feel pretty aroused, without what came next. I wonder what it is that gets you going so much, when actually nothing has particularly happened yet.

Master spent a lot of time on Wednesday attending to my needs which was a wonderful wonderful thing, but i do feel bad if i feel i am getting more out of it than him (though of course making someone else cum is arousing too). Tied to that bed though, i attended to plenty of Master’s body. He has a cock that really does fill  my mouth and when he is pushing it further down my throat while i am tied up, i can concentrate on little else. This is a very good thing as i am someone who often has too much to say and also who lets her mind wander. A mouth filled with cock while the owner of that cock makes me cum definitely concentrates the mind. This was one of the things i let my mind drift to while lying there this morning. The other thing was when Sir let me lick his balls and his anus. I have never thought the anus to be an attractive area for licking, but actually if felt very very nice, and licking that while master attended to my needs was very good. So good indeed that i came very soon afterwards.

On Wednesday Master said that he had “never been in a relationship before where he had quite so much sex”. This statement made me feel very good. Firstly because Sir thinks this is a relationship and i realised i want one of those with him. Plus he must want to have lots of sex with me as i do with him. I wonder if for both of us it is a mid life thing. Lots of sex. But sex is not all we do and particularly Master gets very hungry after every little session. I on the other hand could leave food when i am aroused. But Master likes to feed us both and he provided us with some very nice offerings.

After Wednesday I emailed the probably very nice Dom who wanted me to write his name on my pussy while in the submissive position, wearing a collar and told him i am seeing someone else and that i thought it best to end things now. I feel really glad i have done this because i am telling enough lies to one man i can’t get involved with any more deception. Plus i have my relationship with Sir and that for now is sufficient thanks!

Who knew

I could appear so attractive to men online. I must have some kind of gift! I am not talking about the guys you can chat to in an evening who are keen for some cyber sex and who you might ‘bump’ into again for a bit of the same a few days later. But those who are seeking a deeper attachment.

The relationship with Master is developing, we had a good day on Friday and we spent a reasonable amount of time talking about our lives. We didn’t get down to any deep feelings about each other, after all i am married and in exploring mode and he is newly separated and still working through the fall out of the events before and since. We haven’t chatted all that much since (he worked the weekend) and most of the time when we have we have been reliving Friday. i feel a bit nervous about asking him what he wants for the future and anyway i am not sure what i want for mine!

Last night i chatted again to the person i met the other day (see this post). He is a whole different kind of person. For one thing he has extracted masses of information out of me and then he has offered back his thoughts on me and my life. He is scarily accurate in his assessment. He quickly worked out the kind of relationship i have with hubby and challenged me about what keeps me here.

Last week he set a task, he wanted me to shower, shave and then dress in stockings and a silky dress, no underwear and stand infront of the mirror admiring and stroking myself. i did this and yes it was rather nice. Last night he cranked the task up as this time he wants me to shower and shave, then wearing a chocker around my neck he wants me to kneel in a prepared submissive position and say aloud in front of the mirror that i am there for him. Then he wants me to change the choker for a tight necklace and write his name on my pussy then dress as before.

This is something else entirely and it has left me with mixed and confused feelings. i will finish this post when i have had more time to think things through!

Learning about the D/s world

i am somone who likes to know about the things i do. i research holidays and places i visit. i buy guide books, some of which i never look at once i arrive! i have a thirst for knowledge, and lets face it the internet is great for people like me who seek to know things. i have been looking periodically at information relating to BDSM and this lifestyle for some time, but over recent weeks i have read little else. Am i a little obsessive right now? Yes pretty much.


There are some interesting websites with forums and information and of course chat rooms and personal ads. i particularly like BDSM Library for information and forums and Bondage.com for the chat facility. But there are so many other resources out there. There are some amazing blogs and information sites. i will start adding to my blogroll soon, but at the moment i am tending to read blog posts in a slightly random way, this is about my thurst for knowledge and about my desire to work out what kind of lifestyle i am looking for and a bit about what my limits might be.


One of the first people i chatted with in a chat room on BDSM library suggested he wanted me to wear a nappy (diaper) so he could train me. Well this is a no no for me. i am not, for anyone wearing a nappy and that it it. But there are lots of things which involve bondage, gagging, sex in public, humiliation, punishment etc which on face value appear more extreme but to me are worth thinking about before saying no. 


i have been reading a number of BDSM novels. i am really grateful for the kindle because it means i can sit in my living room or on the train and read what i want. Though recently on the train, tightly squeezed against the next person i reverted to a Rosie Thomas novel instead. Some of the literature available is a little far fetched, though pretty erotic, and these books are often quite short (so be careful not to spend too much on them). But many are extremely good books with excellent plot lines and an underlying message. The Dom of my Dreams by MF Sinclair is one of my favorites. It is about a publishing editor who thinks she is carefree and single, but who is frightened of committment. She tends to pick up men, sleep with them and discard them. The story is about an author giving her a taste of her medicine, while playing to her D/s fantasies. There are more books and when i get round to the blogroll i will create a book list too.


Finally i have been reading two more informational books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, these are the New Bottoming Book and The Ethical Slut. When i have finished reading these i will say more, suffice to say though i am learning loads. 


Lord knows when doing all of this i am managing to fit in normal life, but of course i am. And will continue to do so.

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