SCC Writing #228

Much of the literature I had read before embarking on a D/s relationship was fictional. While very hot, this kind of writing tends to be more about play and kinky sex than real life. It wasn’t really until I was starting my D/s journey with S and subsequently with Master that I read more widely.

What I gleaned from those ‘manuals’ of submission and slavery is that all relationships are different. That concepts of ownership, service, obedience and worship can be interpreted along a continuum. Just how strictly these apply depends upon the wishes and needs of the individuals. I think that Master and I like the idea of a relationship that interprets my slavery further towards the strict Master and compliant slave. But life needs to be more low maintenance than that for us both.

What is more, no relationship can sustain those first flushes of new excitement. Of constant arousal, discovering each other’s bodies, of pushing and testing limits. M/s for us right now is much more low key, perhaps an undercurrent to our lives rather than something that is overtly visible to others.

Having said all of that, we have let things slip a bit. There are rules, and expectations. Some are always followed and others really are not. We have discussed recently that we need to rediscover exactly what it is we both need from the M/s element of our relationship.

It is the very fact that we can and do communicate with each other about our relationship in its broadest sense as well as these specific elements, that feels different. We can and do discuss everything – we look back and analyse events and feelings and we make plans for the future. Those future plans involve mundane everyday things like me preparing my house for sale and him cleaning space for me to move in. They also include us thinking about ways in which we can better take account of His need to dominate me and mine to submit to Him. We often surprise each other. This might be by Him tell me He is about to pee on me in the shower, or perhaps I strip and kneel before Him, unprompted.

Life is no more like the fictional accounts of erotica that I often read than it is a manual of slavery. I would prefer to think that we are writing our own story as we journey though our life together.

Thoughts of Wednesday

The great thing about the times spent with Master is that we do so many different wonderful things. I can live off those memories for days. This morning, when i was awake but it was much too early to get up on a Saturday i was considering how it felt to be tied to Master’s bed. He has a great wooden bed which lends itself nicely to an individual slut being tied by all 4 limbs. I was tied to this bed by 4 of the loudest ties you have seen, something that made me smile. Just being tied there made me feel pretty aroused, without what came next. I wonder what it is that gets you going so much, when actually nothing has particularly happened yet.

Master spent a lot of time on Wednesday attending to my needs which was a wonderful wonderful thing, but i do feel bad if i feel i am getting more out of it than him (though of course making someone else cum is arousing too). Tied to that bed though, i attended to plenty of Master’s body. He has a cock that really does fill  my mouth and when he is pushing it further down my throat while i am tied up, i can concentrate on little else. This is a very good thing as i am someone who often has too much to say and also who lets her mind wander. A mouth filled with cock while the owner of that cock makes me cum definitely concentrates the mind. This was one of the things i let my mind drift to while lying there this morning. The other thing was when Sir let me lick his balls and his anus. I have never thought the anus to be an attractive area for licking, but actually if felt very very nice, and licking that while master attended to my needs was very good. So good indeed that i came very soon afterwards.

On Wednesday Master said that he had “never been in a relationship before where he had quite so much sex”. This statement made me feel very good. Firstly because Sir thinks this is a relationship and i realised i want one of those with him. Plus he must want to have lots of sex with me as i do with him. I wonder if for both of us it is a mid life thing. Lots of sex. But sex is not all we do and particularly Master gets very hungry after every little session. I on the other hand could leave food when i am aroused. But Master likes to feed us both and he provided us with some very nice offerings.

After Wednesday I emailed the probably very nice Dom who wanted me to write his name on my pussy while in the submissive position, wearing a collar and told him i am seeing someone else and that i thought it best to end things now. I feel really glad i have done this because i am telling enough lies to one man i can’t get involved with any more deception. Plus i have my relationship with Sir and that for now is sufficient thanks!

Who knew

I could appear so attractive to men online. I must have some kind of gift! I am not talking about the guys you can chat to in an evening who are keen for some cyber sex and who you might ‘bump’ into again for a bit of the same a few days later. But those who are seeking a deeper attachment.

The relationship with Master is developing, we had a good day on Friday and we spent a reasonable amount of time talking about our lives. We didn’t get down to any deep feelings about each other, after all i am married and in exploring mode and he is newly separated and still working through the fall out of the events before and since. We haven’t chatted all that much since (he worked the weekend) and most of the time when we have we have been reliving Friday. i feel a bit nervous about asking him what he wants for the future and anyway i am not sure what i want for mine!

Last night i chatted again to the person i met the other day (see this post). He is a whole different kind of person. For one thing he has extracted masses of information out of me and then he has offered back his thoughts on me and my life. He is scarily accurate in his assessment. He quickly worked out the kind of relationship i have with hubby and challenged me about what keeps me here.

Last week he set a task, he wanted me to shower, shave and then dress in stockings and a silky dress, no underwear and stand infront of the mirror admiring and stroking myself. i did this and yes it was rather nice. Last night he cranked the task up as this time he wants me to shower and shave, then wearing a chocker around my neck he wants me to kneel in a prepared submissive position and say aloud in front of the mirror that i am there for him. Then he wants me to change the choker for a tight necklace and write his name on my pussy then dress as before.

This is something else entirely and it has left me with mixed and confused feelings. i will finish this post when i have had more time to think things through!

Learning about the D/s world

i am somone who likes to know about the things i do. i research holidays and places i visit. i buy guide books, some of which i never look at once i arrive! i have a thirst for knowledge, and lets face it the internet is great for people like me who seek to know things. i have been looking periodically at information relating to BDSM and this lifestyle for some time, but over recent weeks i have read little else. Am i a little obsessive right now? Yes pretty much.

There are some interesting websites with forums and information and of course chat rooms and personal ads. i particularly like BDSM Library for information and forums and for the chat facility. But there are so many other resources out there. There are some amazing blogs and information sites. i will start adding to my blogroll soon, but at the moment i am tending to read blog posts in a slightly random way, this is about my thurst for knowledge and about my desire to work out what kind of lifestyle i am looking for and a bit about what my limits might be.

One of the first people i chatted with in a chat room on BDSM library suggested he wanted me to wear a nappy (diaper) so he could train me. Well this is a no no for me. i am not, for anyone wearing a nappy and that it it. But there are lots of things which involve bondage, gagging, sex in public, humiliation, punishment etc which on face value appear more extreme but to me are worth thinking about before saying no. 

i have been reading a number of BDSM novels. i am really grateful for the kindle because it means i can sit in my living room or on the train and read what i want. Though recently on the train, tightly squeezed against the next person i reverted to a Rosie Thomas novel instead. Some of the literature available is a little far fetched, though pretty erotic, and these books are often quite short (so be careful not to spend too much on them). But many are extremely good books with excellent plot lines and an underlying message. The Dom of my Dreams by MF Sinclair is one of my favorites. It is about a publishing editor who thinks she is carefree and single, but who is frightened of committment. She tends to pick up men, sleep with them and discard them. The story is about an author giving her a taste of her medicine, while playing to her D/s fantasies. There are more books and when i get round to the blogroll i will create a book list too.

Finally i have been reading two more informational books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, these are the New Bottoming Book and The Ethical Slut. When i have finished reading these i will say more, suffice to say though i am learning loads. 

Lord knows when doing all of this i am managing to fit in normal life, but of course i am. And will continue to do so.

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