Where the power lies

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” 

~ Oscar Wilde

In this post or semi lockdown world we are struggling in many ways. Not in terms of our overall relationship, all is well there. But in terms of M/s. Most of the time I don’t feel particularly submissive or slave like and I don’t think he is feeling particularly dominant.

We have been released from the confines of our home and local area. But mostly there are few places we want to go. Theatres and music venues are clothed and they are the places that Master gets his inspiration and thrills. Reading, listening to music or theatre from the comfort of your home is ok. But it isn’t the same. We usually go into London frequently for this kind of cultural input, but there’s no point going when there is little to do there.

We can visit open spaces, but the weather last week was appalling. At the weekend we were both pretty stir crazy but lethargic at the same time. We haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks. I want to but we both lack whatever it takes to get us off.

But that doesn’t mean that we won’t get back to where we want and need to be. We’ve discussed it and are hoping that our holiday in a few weeks (supposed we manage to go) will help. Warm weather, a change of scene and the ability to feel in some way free again are what we need. We hope.

Our sex life is all about power. His over me. I know that to feel my submission these days I need us to be having sex or else I need to be bent over being spanked or hit with one of his wicked implements. This feels like a chicken and egg situation because I think that’s probably what he needs too. To feel his power, Master needs to conjure up the willpower for sex. Or perhaps I need to fall to my knees and offer to suck his cock. Whichever we are both struggling to feel like making it happen.

I’m not good at initiating sex, nor am I good at saying what I want. I am better at writing about it, knowing he will read. We’ve just spent two days apart, as I write this I am in a hotel with a view of the sea. It’s early, so I expect he is sleeping. Later though, we will be back together and I’d like to think that we will both feel his power and my submission soon.

What inspires me to write about sex?

Writing cat | Public domain vectors

By it’s very nature reading and writing about sex can be both liberating and exciting. That if the sex being written about is interesting and exciting. For many years there was no mileage in writing about my own sex life. It was dull, bordering on non existent. But as I wrote in my last post, starting a new sexual journey made me want to write about my experiences.

Writing about real life experiences

It took me a while to get into my stride. I was overwhelmed by the emotion of it all and so struggled to write down details. I still do to a certain extent. But at least with real life experiences you know what has and hasn’t been possible (see below). Plus, the emotion of a sexual experience is just as important as the physical and physiological effects in my opinion. Unless you are writing pure porn I guess. But I’m more of an erotica lover. Plus I prefer to ground myself in reality rather than fantasy.

Once I met Master things changed slightly. Unlike S, Master reads all my posts and will often go back to review what I said about a particular event. So, increasingly writing had him in mind. I couldn’t and can’t always get events in the right order, after all I’m not writing as I do it! But he often remarks at how hot what I’ve written is.

So, the next reason is to get the audience hot. After all, who doesn’t like to be told that what they have written is sexually arousing. If you are a sex blogger anyway.

Improving on some of the fiction that’s out there

There is some amazing erotic fiction to read. Plus all of the how to manuals. But there is also some absolute rubbish. Some people seem unable to work through questions such as is it physically possible before putting pen to paper. The use of odd euphemisms in erotic fiction is something that The Other Livvy has picked up on. There is little that turns me off more than being unable to describe people’s anatomy and actions without using completely unbelievable phraseology.

So, one of the inspirations for writing about sex, whether based on real life events or fiction is to do better. After language, plot and characters feels pretty important. Why are so many books based on the lives of super rich men seeking to find a young bimbo to be their sex toy? Why are there so many young girls out there who crave submission? Who moments later can be found kneeling naked for their boss or tied to a bench? Of course there is plenty of gay erotica, but I don’t doubt that these dynamics are replicated.

I’m nearly 58 years old and I want to read about people who are older. Who have been through some of life’s problems and who don’t think that money is the answer to everything. Many of my fellow bloggers write brilliant erotica as well as about their own true life events. Good printed / e-book erotica is out there but you can do far worse than some of that written by the sex bloggers and writers we know. People like Brigit Delaney, Cara Theron and Floss, to name but 3.

Education

Finally I write about sex to help educate others. As I’ve written above, real life isn’t always like in books and magazines. We aren’t all young and skinny with a crazy libido. Not all penis owners have huge cocks. People experience pain and discomfort, people fund themselves unable to come. Not everyone loves to suck cock or to have anal sex. What’s more, it’s possible for a well educated woman of 50 to have little in the way of sexual experience.

That means it’s important to write about real sex and relationships. To explore and celebrate the great experiences, but not to ignore the bad or difficult.

I guess following on from my post yesterday wondering where I am going on my blog. Maybe this post is another step to finding out who I am and what my purpose is. Writing about sex for me is about detailing my own experiences, thinking about the experiences of others and hopefully helping to educate.

Unmentionable

I think I have mentioned before that I am a member of a facebook group for people with or who have had breast cancer. It is a place where people support each other through treatment and recovery, recurrence and general daily life. People who are struggling with problems they can’t speak to loved ones about. Of course, there are positive posts too, news of a wedding, baby, new house, new relationship. One thing has struck me though. While people will happily describe the symptoms of their cancer or side effects of treatment in graphic detail, often including photos. They skirt around sex and relationships in the most interesting way. Breast cancer can play havoc with your sex life. But sadly it seems that the word sex is pretty much unmentionable.

Sex as a taboo subject

I wonder how many people talk to their friends about their sex lives. It is easy to sit here as part of a sex blogging community and imagine that every one does it. But in reality they don’t. Indeed I don’t discuss my sex life with people I know, but then I also don’t have a close friend to confide in. But if I did, would I? This spot on the internet is a safe place, most of us are anonymous to a greater or lesser degree. I find it much easier to describe my most intimate moments on my blog than to describe them in public.

But I have no qualms about using the actual words for what I am trying to say. I wouldn’t act like some 70’s sitcom cast member and wink or blush if I needed to say the word sex. I prefer to use proper anatomical names rather than a euphemism. And certainly if someone asks a question on an online forum then I am going to answer with reference to the actual word.

I actually think the lady was brave to raise an unmentionable topic

Even though she referred to sex as ‘being intimate’. Indeed she might not have meant sex, she may have meant that she didn’t want her partner to see her naked. But unfortunately everyone who responded skirted around the topic in the same way she had. Mentioning relationship issues and the fact that the tablets they were taking had stopped them feeling like letting their partner close.

Further conversation though identified her actual issue. She was frightened that if she became aroused and orgasmed then the hormones would make her cancer worse. This is because like mine, her cancer is hormone dependent. So she had put 2 and 2 together and made 22.

I and another lady were able to reassure her that the hormones we produce during sexual pleasure will not affect or cause breast cancer. But I wonder why it is left to an online forum of peers to impart this information. It does feel like a reasonable assumption to make when people vaguely refer to hormones.

Mentioning the unmentionable

Sex is such a difficult topic to raise as a patient. In the mix of surgery, treatment options and general issues of body image, sex is pretty much no where. As a nurse I found it a challenge to discuss with my patients too, though I did. In my last clinical role, I worked with people with rheumatoid arthritis, often with young women. Being able to find a comfortable position, dealing with the side effects of treatment and general tiredness and pain were all factors. So I made myself ask the unmentionable questions, even though I’d really rather have not.

Society in general would rather people didn’t mention sex or their sex lives. But if we are to move away from sex as taboo we need to start somewhere. I guess an online forum for people with breast cancer is as good a place as any to start.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Time for sex

Anytime feels good for sex, so long as you have and allow time for it. We tend to have sex in the mornings, but it depends on the situation. Previous relationships have been a little different.

When I was married

Hubby and I often had sex during the commercial break of a TV programme. I kid you not. He worked long hours and got up early, so tended to fall asleep at bedtime (if not before). His favourite thing was to have sex during the evening once our son was in bed. However this didn’t really rock my boat, especially since there was very little if any foreplay involved.

Afternoon fun

When I began to stray from the marital bed, my dalliances tended to take place in the afternoon. I had something going with a guy who was actually impotent, but who gave the most amazing orgasms. I used to slip away from work or on a day off and meet him, especially in the summer. Much of it was alfresco and I have orgasmed in some beautiful locations.

With S, lots of our sex was in the daytime. Often I didn’t manage to stay over night with him so we’d spend much of the day in bed. He was a guy who seemed to be able to get it up any time, perhaps I just made him horny. We also had sex outside, including on a picnic table!

Taking the time for sex

Since I got together with Master, most of our sex has taken place in the mornings. This has traditionally been when we have had the most time to just lie there and be. Time to touch and caress and to kiss. Often things start slowly and build. He might have been looking at some porn or lying there soon after waking stroking me. He loves to open my legs gently with caressing strokes and then to go down on me. He says he loves the taste of me and I have to admit I love the way it makes me feel. Since I gave up work we have made much more time for sex, even taking account of my recent illness.

On holiday when the day is hot, we love to retire to bed for a rest. We will probably have had wine at lunch and need to cool down. There is something very arousing about the aroma of a sun warmed body mixed with sexual desire. The desire to get cool is put on hold while we join together for some hot sex in our room.

Occasionally we engage in some late night sex. This is usually pretty drink fuelled, especially on my part. This is probably the only time I initiate it, often by stripping off and kneeling before him. Though there are times when it starts with Master getting me to suck his cock first.

I guess the only rule about any of this is so long as it feels right then it is the right time.

Discovery

Week 2 of the Erotic Journal challenge is about the discovery of our sexuality and ourselves as sexual beings. This week’s Wicked Wednesday is about the technical aspects of sex. This post will attempt to combine the two.

The beginning

I first met my future husband when he moved to live opposite us. He was 11 and I was 7. Our mothers were friendly, though not exactly friends. However we did play in each others houses when one of the mums visited for a cuppa. By the time I was a teenager and he was leaving school our mums both worked and so any contact was pretty accidental. I did like him, but he wasn’t one of the boys I fancied back then, they tended to go to my school and he had gone elsewhere.

Soon before my 16th birthday, during the half term before my o’levels he phoned and asked me over to his place to sun bathe. It was a hot May day and his family were out, we sat in the garden and chatted. I didn’t take much account of the heat of the sun and returned home a little burnt. The next day he took me to London for the day. We had fun, walked miles and ate strawberries and ice cream. My usually good appetite deserted me and my tummy was full of butterflies, all day long. The aroma of the soap he used and the aftershave he wore was very alluring. This was the first boy who I think turned me on without actually touching or kissing me. Though of course, within days there were kisses.

Over the ensuing months we spent a lot of time together, both out with friends and on our own and in doors. Spending time in my bedroom alone together was pretty much frowned on and anyway I had an annoying younger brother who tended to burst in. But his parents seemed more relaxed about things. So we often spend hours in his room, lying on the bed listening to music. We never took off all of our clothes but did strip down to underwear, touch and kiss.

“Don’t come back pregnant”

I would lie with his leg between mine and he would flex his quadricep muscle. This believe it or not, was enough to get me off, though I’m not sure if I actually orgasmed. I touched him outside and inside his pants and found the whole thing pretty daring. But we didn’t attempt to have sex. I was pretty happy with what we were doing and didn’t feel the need for more right then.

When I was 17 we decided to take a holiday to Jersey. My parents weren’t overly keen on us going away on our own, but didn’t try to stop us. But on the departure day as we were leaving my mum came to me as I finished packing. “Your dad isn’t happy about you going away with B and all I can say is please don’t come pregnant”

I was pretty indignant. She didn’t know if we were sexually active or not and I didn’t take kindly to the suggestion I was stupid enough to get pregnant. B and I slept together, but didn’t attempt to have sex. The holiday though was fabulous, mainly because we could do what we wanted without parents being present.

The challenges of having sex

In October 1980, another year later, I went off to begin my nursing career. We all lived in tiny rooms in the nurses home and were watched upon by a hawk of a home sister. She was a spinster, who had spent her entire career in nursing and later managing the home. Boyfriends could visit but were meant to be out by midnight. However there were ways to smuggle people in and out and so we ignored that rule.

B was a frequent visitor especially at weekends. At last a door that could be closed and locked. Reasonably thick walls and some anonymity. At last, after 2 years together we finally took the plunge and had actual sex with penetration. Well we tried to anyway, since our first couple of attempts were failures. I owned no toys and had never so much as slipped my own fingers into my vagina. I am not even sure he had either and when it came to trying to sick his hard cock inside me we struggled. We had no real idea about positions or what might work for us and less idea about how difficult (or easy) it should be.

I resorted to consulting with my closest student friend who was already engaged to a sailor and she offered me some friendly advice. Essentially to keep trying and not get frustrated. The following weekend we tried again. Helped along by a bottle of wine and the knowledge that we needed to relax more, eventually we made it happen.

Sex during marriage

Looking back, sex with B wasn’t all it could have been. Soon after we married I bought a copy of the joy of sex which at least offered some help on positions. We tried many and had fun doing so, but I often felt I could take or leave it. My nursing job was demanding and I worked shifts. Even when I was in the mood, there seemed to be something missing but I didn’t know what it was. Within 4 or 5 years he was having an affair with an older woman which for a while helped us, since he had learned some new techniques. But when I discovered the affair my view of him changed. I never again trusted him and I was somehow turned off by him. We carried on having sex for the remainder of our marriage, but not for enjoyment.

When I was in my 30’s I bought my first sex toys and had my first real orgasms. But these happened when I was alone or when he was asleep rather than as something we shared.

I was almost 50 when I first orgasmed during PIV sex and since then I haven’t really looked back sexually. I feel sad about my sex life with B and that we were never able to fulfil each other in the way we should. Perhaps we were never really compatible as sexual partners. Or perhaps the mistake was in carrying on past our 20s. But I don’t regret meeting him or marrying him or having a child together. I just wish we had been better at communicating and been more honest about our needs. Thankfully he has also found someone new and I hope their sex life is better than ours ever was.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Control through sex

He pushed his cock in slowly, stretching the entrance to my tight hole. Once he had slid in a little, he withdrew allowing the tip to run across my piercing. The feeling as the hard cock slid back inside me was delicious, a little easier this time. 

For a few moments we were both silent as his penis slid in and out, each time brushing across my clit. “I love to do this” he said, stating something very obvious. “I love to use you like this, your cunt, my cunt. 

By way of a reply I wrapped my legs tightly around him just as he slid his cock back inside and held him there. “Squeeze me” he grinned. I obliged by tightening my pelvic floor muscles. “Mmm that is so good”.

“My party piece” I agreed. 

I slid my legs down the bed a little and he adjusted position and got himself into a fine rhythm, moving between them. Deeper with each movement until his balls were close to my vulva. “You’ve got a wide on” he exclaimed. No longer tight then, now fully open for him, while he in turn filled me to the brim. 

“You need this don’t you? You need me to use you like this, to control you”

“Yes Master, this girl does” 

And I do. 

I have written before about how vanilla our sex could look to a fly on the wall. So long as it was deaf. We are often in the missionary position and our sex is more often PIV. But we both get off on knowing he is in control, that he is using my body as he wishes. He tells me I am his cunt and it sends endorphins flooding to my clit, telling it to swell and throb. Then he puts a finger there and exclaims how turned on I am and of course immediately I could orgasm. 

Even when I get on top of him, he retains control. Of my movements, of the rest of my body and of course my orgasms. He tells me when to release and I do. No matter how many times I think I won’t come when he tells me, I still do. It is mighty weird, but I suppose I am as conditioned as Pavlov’s dog. His woman, his slave, his cunt. His bitch – MPB.

Masturbation Monday

TMI Tuesday: Sexiness

1. What type of clothes make you feel sexy? 
a. a specially selected casual outfit
b. lingerie or silky pajamas
c. elegant, dressy evening clothes
d. anything that leaves me almost naked

I love to wear a low cut evening dress, perhaps with no underwear. Trouble is, to get the cleavage right often a bra is necessary, though this too can of course be sexy. But also being almost naked is very sexy and something I know Master likes a lot. So a harness, sexy lingerie, under bust corset for example. 

2. Which do you prefer?
a. pillow talk
b. sexy texting
c. love notes

Pillow talk. I love lying in bed in the mornings chatting and one thing leading to another – sex usually. The written word is nice, especially early on in a relationship, but right now I’d take pillow talk any day.

3. Which do you do best?
a. pillow talk
b. sexting
c. writing love notes

I’m not massively adventurous and tend to rely on him to take the lead. But I have my moments and could engage in any or all 3. Pillow talk still wins though.

4. You been granted just ONE of the following in your favorite city/place in the world. Which would you choose and why?
a. 24 hours of romance
b. 24 hours of lust (intense, overwhelming sexual desire but not acted upon mixed with enthusiasm for life)
c. 24 hours of sex

24 hours of lust. Romance is fine, but it has to go somewhere other than hearts, flowers and a romantic meal. Sex for 24 hours would be knackering. So, yes lust please. 

5. How do you tap into your sexiness?

A soapy bath, perhaps a glass of something cool and fizzy. Putting on sexy clothes or something Master chooses. Otherwise reading something sexy or kinky. Failing all of that, there are always toys that buzz!

Bonus: Which is better–your digital sex life or your in-the-flesh sex life?

Definitely real life. The digital stuff is good for getting to know people, but can’t replace what happens in real life. 

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

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Sex is Life

1. Is your sex life more fantasy or reality?

While we have our fantasies, sex for us is real. After quite some time where one or other of us felt unable to initiate sex we are enjoying a very active sex life. With just a month to go before we are living together full time, this can only improve.

2. If you could hook-up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regret), who would it be and why? (No need to use real names just briefly describe the person and their relationship to you.)

I have no inclination or need to hook up with anyone else. While those lovers gave me some interest and excitement at the time, nothing now would compare. I am not being nice, romantic, or anything else. I just don’t want or need anyone else at the moment.

3. You can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy?
a. oral sex, only giving
b. 69
c. oral sex, only receiving
d. mutual masturbation

Probably 69. Best to both give and receive in my opinion!

4. With each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex?

I love Him to take the lead. I don’t have my own repertoire. But, I will happily take the lead if the situation is right. It tends not to be at all planned, but completely spontaneous.

5. Do you initiate sex for healthful benefits, e.g., to sleep better or relieve pain?

Orgasms help me sleep, so I am happy to lead the way for a good night sleep. However, that is more likely to happen when I am on my own, using one of my toys. Sex for it’s own sake with Master is perfectly good.

Bonus: Do you understand the clitoris?

I understand my own, but not the clitoris in general. What is better is that he understands my clit. In fact he knows it better than I do.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

What I know now

It is the 50th Food 4 Thought Friday, which is a major accomplishment. I am in awe of all within this blogging community that run memes. There is an extraordinary amount of work. So well done and thank you. Having said that, I usually struggle to participate in everything. But since I am trying to post every day in June, and I am on holiday, with wifi, here goes.

What I know now

What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 18 year old you?

Probably that at the age of 55 I have sex at all. I was so naive back then and uneducated about sex. I never envisaged people as old as I am now even had sex.

What one thing might shock that younger you?

The extent to which I enjoy sex. That being with the right partner is the key to enjoyment and that we are meant to enjoy sex (not sure if that is one answer or 3).

Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled?

I have probably surpassed them. Having bought the Joy of Sex shortly after my marriage when I was about 22, we spent some time trying out various sexual positions.  I wish I still had a copy to check out if I have had sex in all of them. It felt slightly naughty and a bit hippy at the time. I’m not sure if anal was even in there, but if it was then I’ve done that too.

What part of the younger you’s sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia?

Probably the ability to work all day, party all evening and still have sex at the end of the night. Because we had so much energy then. I have a hunch that Master and I would have been proper party animals if we had known each other. Because as I said at the beginning, compatibility is the key.

From behind

There is something primal and almost forbidden about sex doggy style. For a start my arse is on display for him to see and secondly, I have little control over events. For me, this feels extremely submissive, especially if it means I am on my knees. I know he likes to take me from behind because he can use his hands. He strokes my breasts, pinches and teases my nipples and can also access my clit for more stimulation.

His cock pushes deeper into me, or so it feels. I can push back against him and feel his hands embracing my tits, while feeling his cock pushing hard into me. Of all the positions we have sex in, this feels more like sex in it’s rawest form.

This picture was taken a couple of years ago, and may have appeared on my blog before. Not, I don’t think for Sinful Sunday though.

Sinful Sunday