Psychology

I have 3 general categories for posts that are about me and how I tick, or a specifically about the more internal aspects of our dynamic. The psychology of me, of D/s and M/s. Posts in the D/s category are mainly from my time with Steve and the first few months with Master. Usually those posts are also labelled more specific to their topic. Over the years these categories have been useful when I’ve written things that seem random.

This blog has been a great place for me to write what I think and feel at a given time. I don’t keep a separate diary or journal and the only notes are make are planning ones. Often I don’t know what I’m going to write about until I sit down and do it. Sometimes I start off with a plan for one topic and it leads to something else. That’s the way my mind seems to work.

There’s no doubt that a power exchange dynamic produces thoughts and feelings that are strange. Why do I want to be dominated? Why am I willing to submit? How on earth did he manage to make me orgasm when I was sure I wouldn’t? Just a few of the questions I’ve asked myself and explored on this blog.

Over the past 8 years (my blogaversary is tomorrow) I’ve written over 1800 posts. This was the first one. Back then I knew virtually nothing about submission and dominance and less about BDSM and kink. But I was ready to learn and keep to please. This blog has been the perfect receptacle for my thoughts, many of them random.

By looking back over time, I can see how I’ve changed as a person and how much I’ve learned. But also that there is more learning to be done. More delving into my own psyche. Wondering about the psychology of me and my relationships.

Stuff has happened this last week that has rocked me. I’ve never been so affected by something that really didn’t concern me. I’ve lost friends over this issue. That’s something I’m sad about and will write about soon. Indeed I’m no longer sure which memes I can and should write about. Or where I’m welcome. Only time will tell.

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Joolz loves anal sex

This a complete revelation to me. Today was my second meeting with my Master and i have discovered that i really love to be fucked in the arse. Anal sex brings me closer to orgasm than vaginal sex ever has and that is a fact.

i had to get up early to get to Sir’s house. i took pride and pleasure in dressing in fishnet stockings with suspenders a black and white skirt and white top. No bra, no knickers. The journey was pretty good, very little traffic so i made it to the service station Sir had instructed me to stop at within 2 hours. A trip to the loo and the butt plug was in and i used my rabbit to turn myself on while chatting at the services with Sir.

Sir had croissants and coffee waiting. i sat in the kitchen on his stool while he served breakfast. Of course he couldn’t resist touching his wares. Sir has a wonderful touch, both with his hands and mouth, what more would a girl want?

i have had the most wonderful day with Sir.

Sir has used me in many places within his house and in many different ways. Sir has looked after me, cared for me and taken me for a walk along the seafront. Sadly the weather didn’t live up to my requirements but never mind!

Sir fucked me in the arse twice, once when i had my wrists tied to my ankles. i loved it. i have pleased sir so much he hasn’t punished me yet. But there is always next time. i never thought i would find anal sex so wonderful, so erotic. But i do. when i sort out my head i’ll say more!