Where the power lies

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” 

~ Oscar Wilde

In this post or semi lockdown world we are struggling in many ways. Not in terms of our overall relationship, all is well there. But in terms of M/s. Most of the time I don’t feel particularly submissive or slave like and I don’t think he is feeling particularly dominant.

We have been released from the confines of our home and local area. But mostly there are few places we want to go. Theatres and music venues are clothed and they are the places that Master gets his inspiration and thrills. Reading, listening to music or theatre from the comfort of your home is ok. But it isn’t the same. We usually go into London frequently for this kind of cultural input, but there’s no point going when there is little to do there.

We can visit open spaces, but the weather last week was appalling. At the weekend we were both pretty stir crazy but lethargic at the same time. We haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks. I want to but we both lack whatever it takes to get us off.

But that doesn’t mean that we won’t get back to where we want and need to be. We’ve discussed it and are hoping that our holiday in a few weeks (supposed we manage to go) will help. Warm weather, a change of scene and the ability to feel in some way free again are what we need. We hope.

Our sex life is all about power. His over me. I know that to feel my submission these days I need us to be having sex or else I need to be bent over being spanked or hit with one of his wicked implements. This feels like a chicken and egg situation because I think that’s probably what he needs too. To feel his power, Master needs to conjure up the willpower for sex. Or perhaps I need to fall to my knees and offer to suck his cock. Whichever we are both struggling to feel like making it happen.

I’m not good at initiating sex, nor am I good at saying what I want. I am better at writing about it, knowing he will read. We’ve just spent two days apart, as I write this I am in a hotel with a view of the sea. It’s early, so I expect he is sleeping. Later though, we will be back together and I’d like to think that we will both feel his power and my submission soon.

The Power

Much of our sex happens in the morning. There are age related reasons for this, I think it is called ‘morning glory’. But also tiredness at the end of the day (mostly on my part I must add). The past few weeks have been a little lean on the sex front. Low level illness, tiredness, lethargy; we seem to have suffered from them all. This morning something different happened though.

I had been awake for a while, checking Facebook and twitter, reading the news. As he woke, I put my phone down, mainly because it was going to run out of battery soon. He grabbed his phone (what happening people we are), and looked first at the cricket news (a mountain to climb for England by all accounts). But then moved on to more interesting stuff. He moved my hand onto his flaccid cock and as he read / viewed his Tumblr feed I helped get things moving. It didn’t take long for it to spring to life, I kept going. Looking at me he told me that he wanted my cunt; music to my ears.

I was a little dry and tight as his cock pushed in. But with some lubricant spit all was well. It felt so good to be filled by his cock again. Just as I told him I didn’t need an orgasm he began his count down. After the count of 10,  it turned out I wanted and needed to cum. Moving on top of him I was permitted two more. He loves to be able to feel my tits, to play with my clit, to tease and to control me. Being on top is perfect for me too and gives the chance to alter position, get more or less penetration.

Snuggling up a few minutes later he told me how things had played out for him this morning. Having me get him hard and want him while he looked at porn made him want to take me. At that moment he just wanted to shoot a load into me. But once he began to push his way in and found me tight, as soon as he made me cum on command, the feeling of power and control took over. At the same time the submission, that sometimes feels so dormant, reappears with a flourish. That is our power dynamic.

Horny on sunday

Leads to Masturbation on Monday. This post is the narrative behind yesterday’s Sinful Sunday post.

We had spent time painting, finishing off the walls in the hall and stairs that we had started before Christmas. Some areas were places that we had missed and others were scuff marks from things being moved in an out when my son stored his belongings in the house between flat moves.

Over lunch we discussed perhaps leaving the paintwork and getting someone in to finish the job for us. I want to get moving on the house sale, but don’t really want to put in the time and effort any more. We want to relax and enjoy ourselves at the weekends and also have some fun and a life.

Sitting on the sofa after lunch Master suddenly appeared in front of me, unzipped his trousers and revealed a hard cock. Of course I put down the laptop and leaned forward to take him into my mouth. He pushed the full length of his shaft into my mouth and I felt the tip brush the back of my throat. He instructed to just hold it in my mouth. As I did so, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the large phalanx filling me and felt my cunt begin to throb a little in response. Pulling away he instructed me to strip my clothes off and bend over. I took off trousers, panties and socks and bent over the sofa and he used his fingers to ready my vulva for his entry. I was surprisingly dry.

His fingers felt rough on my pink and dry cunt and he lubricated them by licking them. I exclaimed that I hate the way in which the menopause is having this kind of effect on my body and he acknowledged that the taste of me has become more intense. Not to be put off though he persevered with stroking me, caressing  my clitoris and pushing his finger and then two inside. Part of me wanted to pull away at that moment, sometimes I have to resist the urge to give in to the idea that my libido is reducing and that I can take or leave him. I am his slave and saying no doesn’t come easy, however he is a very understanding Master. But no, I wanted this, he wanted it and inside my body was telling me that it wanted this too.

Suddenly he was able to push inside through the tightness and I felt the juices suddenly flow. Not quite flood gates, but sufficient for the lubrication that was necessary. He felt for my tits and squeezed my nipples, and at the same time withdrew his cock and pushed back inside.

He withdrew and instructed me to mount him. I stripped off my remaining clothes and sat astride of him as he lay on the floor. His cock slid into my easily now, as I no longer tight and dry provided the necessary natural lubricant.

I felt an orgasm begin to rise from deep inside and he moved his fingers to the now engorged clit telling me that I could come in 10. He began to count down and I had to concentrate on the numbers so as not to release too soon.

Finally on the word CUM, I did so, the relief immense and the fluids gushing from me in the usual way. Not yet too old to enjoy sex on a Sunday afternoon and still feeling horny I settled down for a pleasant Sunday evening with my man.

 

Chastity – does a girl need to be locked in?

There was a time when I felt the need to touch myself most days. I would arrive home from work and if I felt that I had sufficient time before my son and husband arrived on the scene would make myself cum. sometimes I stood in my son’s bedroom looking out of the window while I held my vibe against my throbbing pussy and craved my release.

These days there is no need to do such a thing. Hubby has gone to his new woman and my son is busy with his own life. What is more there is no need to cum in that kind of way.

My orgasms belong to Master and while he doesn’t stipulate that I can’t cum without him being present, in the main there is no need.

In essence I have no need to be kept in chastity through a device since I don’t desire that I touch myself and orgasm on my own. I know that the orgasms belong to Him and prefer He is present when they occur.

Having said that, the photos I found online demonstrating female chastity devices do really turn me on.

These are the two kinds of devices that might be available (or inflicted) on women today. The first kind, shown above is something that fits around a woman’s waist and under her crotch. It might include a small dildo that is inserted into her vagina to keep her permanently aroused but unable to orgasm. Separated from her Master she would be unable to touch herself and so be unfulfilled. Sadly without a special mechanism for releasing her urine and being able to clean herself there are signifiant problems with this devise.

While I love the idea of chastity, I prefer the idea of the kind barrier shown below. I have no real need to be able to touch myself. I have piercings in my clitoral hood and we have discussed the idea of labial piercings that would prevent access to my sexual organs, other than by Him.

So, this girl can be pierced in such a way that she is unable to gain access to her clitoris, and yet she is able to both pass urine and to keep clean. Plus she can be controlled in the way that Master would love.

The girl could be made completely chaste and under the control of her Master through being pierced through the labia.

For me it isn’t about an inability to reach certain parts of the body it is about whether you are allowed to touch them.

It isn’t about an artificial way of remembering who and what you are, but something that is long lasting and permanent.

While the chastity device seems appealing it is obviously for play only. For me, it is about a permanent reminder of what Master expects and if that is chastity then while I can manage without, I would prefer my labia being pierced in such a way as it offers a permanent reminder of my slavery to Him.

I might imagine that I want to be held chaste by one of devices above, but all they are is symbols of my slavery to Master. His words and deeds are all that I need.

Update: Click here for a flash fiction story about female chastity

The third in the series: Female Chastity – Physical or Emotional is here

Controlled

His control over this girl is often subtle rather than overt. This girl reads the blogs and fetlife posts of other submissives and slaves and can see that often their lives involve more in the way of overt discipline and rules. The power and control Master exerts over this girl feels a little different.

Make no mistake though, He really does have total control. What is more, looking back this girl can see that just how much she has changed since she came into Master’s control. She can see how she has become the calmer person He wanted her to be, that she is no longer someone who seeks control in any part of her life in the way that she did. Work becomes a new experience when you are committed while you are there but generally you leave the office and have no desire to worry about things till the next day. Letting go to perceived responsibilities around family can be more difficult, but generally this girl can say that she is better at that part of her life these days.

This girl has however been wondering about some of the decisions she makes away from her relationship with Master and whether she is still a little too inclined to make decisions without discussion. Also whether she should be asking for permission to make some of those decisions. It is easier to know what is right and wrong when we are together, generally there are no decisions to be made then. But where Master is not involved, then what? No doubt, when Master reads this, we will have that conversation.

When we are together though, there is no doubt. He totally gets off on the power He has over this girl. But His style is pretty low key. This girl does as she knows He wants mostly without being told. Expressing her own opinion is often described as brattiness, which of course it is. Mostly though the brattiness is not serious, since there is an understanding of what the rules of engagement are. He starts conversations with words like “do you want to”, but of course they are not intended to be a question, they are a statement. The fact that this girl understands this and feels no need to challenge any part of it is an important difference from what went before.

Sometimes though instructions do not come as a question. This morning He told this girl to put in her butt plug before we had sex. Made it clear that she was to face the mirrored wardrobes when she was on top. Told her how her submission gives Him the power and control He needs.

Next week this girl if off to France with her mum who needs to have some time away from home as we approach the first anniversary of dad’s death. Time without the overt control that Master gives when we are together and a time when His control from afar will  be needed. But control all the same and this girl will know it is there.