Being proud of who we are

I spent much of my adult life fretting that things hadn’t turned out how I wanted them to be. Trouble was, I didn’t actually know what that was. My whole blog is about my voyage of discovery to establish who I truly am and what that means. Sometimes I’ve been anxious that I’m in some way different or abnormal. But if I’ve learned anything over the years with Master it is to, embrace our instincts and be proud of who we are.

Over the past 6 years I have had some amazing opportunities to explore my kinks with Master. From our first play date he has pushed and tested me. Asked me to talk about my deepest desires and read my blog for clues. Then he has set about making those come true. It was something of a fluke we turned out to be as compatible as we are. It was lucky that I was prepared to try out new things and go with his plans and even liked many of them. What’s more since he is the original Gadget Man he has acquired the equipment to go with it.

This means I’ve had more opportunities than most to try things out. But also we’ve been able to do so in private, which I actually like. It isn’t that I don’t like playing in public, I am definitely an exhibitionist. However, I prefer that we play out some kinks in private. Relaxing and getting into my submissive head space is more difficult than it once was. Strangely there’s less going on in my head that needs shoving out. A busy work schedule was some how easier to dismiss through pain and general slutiness than what lives there now.

Over the years Master has bought me some great kink gear; harnesses, waistcoats, spanking skirt, collars. I have worn them with pride and then when I put weight on left them in the cupboard. But recently I’ve begun to get them out again and wear them for him at home and when out at kink events. Master likes to see me dressed up and also naked and I know he is proud of the way I have embraced CMnf. Damn, I’m proud too.

When others watch the way Master plays with me at an event I feel proud and fills him with joy. He is generous and is always happy to show people his equipment and even lend it out to the right people. Generally we keep to our selves, but increasingly we are making friends and getting to know others. This increasing confidence is, I think good for us both.

I chose the image above because Master looks proud and happy with himself. No doubt he has plans for me and for us in that moment.

New experiences

It isn’t often these days that we do something new, when it comes to our dynamic. We’re often talking about going to a new club or trying a new munch, but we are creatures of habit. Though we don’t even go to the same munch every month since we also enjoy social events outside of our kink life. But last week we really did something new. We went to visit some kinksters we met last month at CMnf.

Following that meeting I went off to Cyprus with my mum. While I was away, Master got chatting with the two female subs and male Dom. I didn’t join in at the time, but Master relayed the conversations to me and before I knew it a play date had been arranged.

The two girls have a self built play room at the end of their garden and invited us along. I was both excited and apprehensive about the experience. Up to now I have only been to one club, otherwise we have always played in private. Public play feels a safe way to show my exhibitionist side. But the opportunity to experience something new wasn’t something I could turn down.

Last Tuesday we set off mid rush hour for the journey to their place, which turned out to be in the middle of nowhere. They have a huge garden and its easy to see why they would want to build such a fun place there. From the outside it looks like a big shed, or small garage. But inside it is kitted out with lots of fabulous equipment. Master took along his ‘tool kit’ including the floggers that had started our conversation at CMnf.

The play party

Within minutes of arriving all three of us subs were stripped and tied to or bent over some restraining equipment (cross, bench, stocks). Thankfully I was offered the bench which is my preference. Blindfolded I soon settled into my own rhythm and both Doms took it in turns to use their impact toys on us. Space was limited, so we were closer together than usual. But that added to the fun and games. Because we could hear the impact and also what was being said.

Protocol in our relationship has slipped over time. I don’t always thank Master for hitting me, and I can be a little bratty. But I did remember to call him Master and be as respectful as possible to both Doms. I admit that the other two girls were better behaved and it did make me think about my own behaviour.

Thoughts on group play

I enjoy impact play, but it certainly doesn’t drive me or our dynamic. We don’t do it regularly and these days practically never at home. It’s strange really because we have a playroom, but don’t think to use it much.

The new experience of being in private, but with others was, as I had hoped, exciting. I admit I preferred this encounter to the idea of meeting up for a sexual event, such as happened when I was with S.

Both Master and the other Dom stroked and touched me, but that was as far as it went. I think that was where some of my anxiety before hand was bound. Instead I was able to get off on hearing the squeals and cries of the others. Plus the running commentary of the two Doms. We all feel pain differently and our relationships are different, and for me, an observer of people and human behaviour it was enlightening. But incase you think I was in anthropology mode, I wasn’t especially aware I was taking notice at the time.

Time to go home

After play our hosts provided some welcome food and drink and we all sat chatting and getting to know each other better. Intrerestingly us subs were naked and the men clothed, but since we met that way it didn’t feel odd. The great thing is we were able to discuss topics that you wouldn’t usually talk about with people you hardly know. But maybe that is part of what we kinky people do. Or maybe it was because we were naked. Or because we had been part of such a fun experience.

Sadly, it was soon time to leave, our journey home was just over an hour and all too soon we were tucked in bed reminiscing the evening. We have been in touch since and hope to meet up at the club again in December. I hope too that we get to visit our new friends in the not too distant future.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

February Photofest 2019 – Kickoff

This is the third time I have participated in February Photofest, the annual photographic meme hosted by Molly. Having taken a break last year due to other commitments I am pleased to be back and raring to go. All my photos are taken either by me or my Master, Graeme. I’ll let you know in each post who did what. For the kickoff post I’m already in the swing of things!

This photo was taken by Master, while I was getting reacquainted with the sex (or is it love?) swing.

February Photofest

Blogging A-Z Challenge: H

H is for Hair

This H is for hair of the pubic variety. When we met, my pubic hair was shaved. This was something that S had demanded of me and I had complied with. However, hair grows easily and quickly around my genital area.

Within a few months of our meeting Master requested I grow my pubic hair. It took a surprising amount of time to grow back, but now it is as unruly as it ever was. What he loves most is to shave it himself, trimming the length and then shaping it as he wishes. From this picture, there is a need for some shaping quite soon.

This photo was taken at our recent play session in the dungeon. The weights hanging from my labia deserve another post. Erotic and a complete turn on, they will get their own post.

 

 

 Author: Julie

Blogging A-Z Challenge: F

My very first experience of these machines took place last Friday at the Secret Dungeon. I have been intrigued about these mechanical contraptions for a long time. Indeed, long before I really knew kink or BDSM interested me. Long before I actually explored that side of myself. My ex used to watch some very interesting programmes on an old satellite channel called Men and Motors. I used to pretend I was doing other stuff like reading or surfing the net, while secretly watching. I have a recollection of seeing such machines on one of those shows, but never imagined I would see one in real life. Much less actually try it out.

This is a Sybian, and the photo is of the real machine that I sat on and fucked by. The controls apparently make the dildo move in an optimum way for a woman to orgasm. Inserted inside of me one of the controls allowed it to rotate and the other to move from side to side. At the front the rubber was ribbed, and so if you leaned forward, it also stimulated the clitoris.

This is a piece of equipment I think I could get to enjoy on a regular basis. Sadly though they are expensive, apparently about £1000. Interestingly I didn’t actually cum, for reasons explained the other day. Without permission, and Master was busy preparing more of his toys for my pleasure while I tried it, I seem unable to do so. I certainly had the feeling though that this was something that another time could make me squirt.

The other machine, which I don’t have a photo of, but was a bit like this, had a dildo attached to a pole. When you lay down, in position and turned on, it rhythmically moved backwards and forwards. Interestingly it made its way straight into my anus rather than my vagina! This in itself was interesting and what’s more was an amazing turn on. There was another separate dildo which could be used to give the victim double penetration.

All in all, an amazing experience and one definitely I want to repeat.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: D

It would be true to say that until last weekend my dungeon experience was zero. Save of course, the real life underground places found in medieval castles. Cold, and bleak the castle dungeon was the place prisoners were tortured and kept until they died. This is the kind of environment often depicted in BDSM stories and tumblr films; a modern torture chamber.

Our overnight stay for Master’s birthday last Friday, took place in the converted lower level of a suburban house. The window blinds visible from outside hide the warm, red interior. Most of the ground floor of the house was a large single room containing seats, benches, hoists, and a range of toys and equipment. At the far end, a four-poster bed with red bedding. No ordinary four poster bed, the rings attached to the frame were ready to take the chains and cuffs of bondage. What is more, there was a mirrored ceiling, perfect for both the eexhibitionist and voyeur.

But this wasn’t just a room for play, torture and fun. There was also a well equipped kitchen, spacious bathroom and outside a hot tub. While our stay was to celebrate his birthday, and he certainly enjoyed himself, it was also a place of exploration for me, his slave.

Friday night contained many firsts; of being tied to a St Georges cross, of being secured to a spanking bench, of trying those mechanical fucking machines. Flogged, slapped, stroked, fucked and for much of the time wearing the hood. Mirrors strategically placed meant that even through the small eye holes I could see his excitement and he chose the next implement with which to beat me. Plus the succession of porn movies showing on the TV screen. Sensory overload was inevitable.

The hot tub was wonderful, we used it soon after arrival and the following morning. The heat of the tub, combined with the cold of the spring air was amazing. We took food for dinner with us and enjoyed a kind of semi naked picnic, complete with sparkling wine. The fridge stocked with soft drinks and snacks meant we could keep ourselves hydrated.

A million miles from the cold, dark vision of a dungeon. This warm, red place was perfect. The Secret Dungeon. We emerged the following morning full of endorphins and I was deliciously sore. What more can a girl ask for?

Saturday morning fun

Master introduced two new toys shortly after we woke on Saturday morning. The first was some kind of oddly shaped gadget, apparently called (according to the website he obviously bought it from) an intimate part spreader. Also according to the website it stimulates the G spot. Well. It certainly stimulated the G spot. Plus seemed to cause this girl’s clit to go into some kind of spasm. That is some toy!!! It looks weird, but wow!! 

This girl was ready for anything. Just as well, since He then introduced something else. Something this girl can only describe as a snake. Well, kind of very very long, double ended cock. Master made His girl fuck herself silly with that cock. Apparently it is suitable to fit in two different holes, or two different girls. Obviously the opportunities are endless. 
By the time this girl had had her cunt spread, her labia exposed, her clit blown on and then a large snake fucking her, she was a gibbering wreck deep in a subby space. Her reward for giving Master the pleasure of watching His girl used in this way was to be able to take Him in her mouth and reap the benefits of His orgasm.
This girl loves to give and receive pleasure and that was some pleasure. This girl was fit to burst with her own happiness.
Unfortunately later, events out of her control sent her into a bit of a tail spin. Events which took her all of Sunday morning to recover from. 
This girl has spoken before of the problems associated with the whole polyamorous lifestyle. Once again it was that whole thing which stopped this girl feeling quite as good as she had done. At times it is hard to understand quite what this girl or indeed Master does to deserve such highs and then such lows. But it is as it is. Things are back on an even keel again now, but this girl has to wonder for how long. This girl often wonders how she might get through this whole thing. Whether it is worth it. On Saturday night and into Sunday, she had serious doubts.
But it isn’t often in life a girl gets the chance of the kind of happiness Master brings to her. The fun they have together, the way they are able to laugh through difficult situations. Life was never meant to be easy, and for sure it isn’t. The life this girl and her Master are living is complex and down right complicated. But from where this girl sits right now it is worth it. 
Anyway where else will she find a man who has such a wonderful range of gadgets and isn’t afraid to use them!

Pain and submission

So yesterday i talked about the request from New Dom that i refer to myself in the third person while submitting. For various reasons i struggled with this yesterday. My feeling is that i find it quite difficult is because as an extrovert, i tend not to think all that much about what i say before i say it.  This is useful when i am at work, thinking on my feet. But when you are asked to change the way in which you articulate your thoughts it is quite hard. What should be easier is writing events down in the third person, indeed i have done this before. The rest of this post details my latest ‘date’ with New Dom.

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Instructions for dress this time, were something short, high heels and no underwear. This girl for once was ahead of the game. She had already chosen a new short dress to wear that morning, though with jeans. There was little effort involved in removing the underwear, exchanging boots for shoes and taking off her jeans.In fact the jeans were removed at the very last minute and slipped into girl’s bag. She slipped on her shoes and then her coat which barely covered the dress or indeed her bare arse and walked to her car, parked on the driveway. She was relieved that no neighbours appeared to be loitering outside!
The journey took around 35 minutes, but this girl had to concentrate a little more as firstly it was very windy and secondly she wasn’t used to driving in her heels.
Before any play was to take place, this girl was going to get a chance to chat to New Dom’s slave. As mentioned previously, this conversation was necessary for both subs so that they could be clear about slave’s willingness for this arrangement to go ahead. First He spoke and then this girl was in the hot seat. This girl can’t pretend she wasn’t nervous about what might be said, but in the event she need not have worried. It seems pretty clear that both subs are going to get on well and that this girl has permission to give New Dom the service he needs right now. How this pans out into the future can’t be known at the moment but lets just say there are no restrictions on how this girl and He should proceed.
Relieved at the outcome this girl was only too pleased to go with Sir to the playroom. What happened over the next couple of hours is a bit of a blur. Not just because girl was blindfolded and gagged but because of the sensations that passed through her body at an alarming rate. Nipple play was pretty much first, clamped and then with pegs attached to her breasts. Apparently this girl has very firm breasts (well she knows she does of course, but He told her they were firm), probably making it quite difficult to get purchase on the pegs. Already she had a bug plug in place, but then there was a vibe in her cunt and He busied himself with the electric wand thing. before she knew where she was, this girl was had the hitachi on her clit and very soon she had the most amazing orgasm.  This orgasm was demanded and was forced on her. The sensation of this was beyond description.At some point, before or after this the pegs were pulled off using some kind of system He had set up. Nipple pain and pleasure is something that this girl can’t get enough of.  Sir is already spending time torturing this girls nipples and using this to demand orgasm. Nipple pleasure for this girl causes submission. That is pretty much beyond debate.
Events are sounding so vague now, that this girl thinks she might even ask Sir to list the order of play so she can get it down here in the right order! Given that he has taken to reading this blog, i am sure He and girl will discuss this and probably have something of a laugh about it!
What this girl does know is that next, she was then on her tummy, legs spread using the spreader bar and she was subjected to more pain than she had experienced before. Firstly S wasn’t massively into pain and secondly this Sir has far more in the way of objects with which to inflict pain. The implements used are kind of irrelevant, what is important is that this girl discovered what she probably knew all along – she is one hell of a pain slut.
During pretty much all of this, girl was either gagged or too deeply in her place to speak and so had no trouble with speaking in the third person. Hell she was happy to just groan and cry out as appropriate.
Later though Sir and his slut lay together kissing and stroking each other. This girl then proceeded to drift in and out of submission. She had much more difficulty speaking in the required way when she drifted out than when He touched or inflicted pain on her in some way that brought her back to a place where he wanted her. When He pointed this out to her, she came up with her thoughts about being extrovert.
This girl has reflected on this since and thinks that she will just need to get her head around it or else just shut up and allow herself to remain in submission for longer rather than fighting it all of the time. Of course, this girl has lots to say, most of the time, so this is going to be a hard enough task of its own, let alone actually trying not to use words such as ‘I’ or ‘me’.
The act of submission for joolz is something that she is thinking about a lot these days. This task is difficult for her, but there is no doubt that success will lead her towards her goal of being much more the submissive that she would like and that Her Dom demands.
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There is much more to this ‘date’, but that will come tomorrow.

Amazing afternoon

Rarely if ever have i spent time where i, and my entire body was attended to as it was today.

Today’s instruction was easy access to my pussy. So i arrived in black skirt, top, black boots and stockings. Underneath i wore my new lingerie.

I think i was wearing said clothes for at least 2 minutes after crossing the threshold. He kept the stockings and boots on.

A few minutes of kissing and of his hands on my breasts and pussy and i was on the bed on all fours.

Its a while since i wore a butt plug, but since i have a reasonable amount of anal sex in the past few months, its insertion was pleasant, reassuring……..

Next some duo balls inside my cunt………

Nipple clamps attached…….

Electrical stimulation had my nerve endings pretty much standing up on end……..

Finally, after my pussy had been stroked, pumped

He began with the Hitachi wand.

There was some pain, some spanking, but my abiding memory is of orgasms.

I don’t want you to think it was just about the toys. It wasn’t but hell, this very submissive slut found the toys got her to a place she won’t be leaving any time soon.

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This is very different to the time i spent with S in ways that i won’t and can’t go into now. But that is a very very good thing.
The experiences today, the way my body was worshiped, the extent to which i was asked for and gave my submission was just what i needed.
I think it is highly likely i will be back for more. What is more, i think i need to get back to wearing the plug – does that make me a complete and utter slut?
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