Thoughts on submission

This is the second post in the Loving BDSM series 30 days of D/s.

Does a submissive have certain behaviors?

Over the past few years I have met many submissive people, in real life and through the blog and social media. There do seem to be common traits and behaviours that people share. There are many nurses and teachers in our midst, so perhaps caring and nurturing appeal to someone who identifies as submissive. We are often people who appear strong and independent, intelligent and able. But peel away the layers and there is often a vulnerability. A need to serve another, for structure, to be cared for. For me also, I have a need to give the responsibility for decision making to another person. Not for every aspect of life, but an increasing number things.

Do submissives do specific tasks?

There is no one type of submissive, so while many do specific tasks they won’t necessarily be the same ones. The key thing for me is a desire to serve, whether that is providing food, support or other practical things. Or else serving sexually, being ready for use in what ever way he chooses. I don’t have tasks that are expected to be done each day, but more general rules which relate to actions and behaviour.

When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

Submission for me is about acknowledging that my life is about serving my dominant, my Master. That he has total power and control of me in all aspects of life. In reality this means that I no longer have secrets, always discuss worries and concerns and where necessary and desirable defer to him for a decision. I often complain and argue but in the end I will usually accept his decision. Though he has been wrong on occasions and said so.

It is in the bedroom or playroom that my submission shows itself more effectively. That is because there I am able to shake off the thoughts and responsibilities of daily life and put myself in his hands. When orgasm control, cock worship, sexual play, impact play and other elements of BDSM come to play. That is when my submissive self more closely matches those you read about in fictional stories and M/s manuals.

But life can’t be one long dungeon scene and I wouldn’t want it to be. So in the main, and average person wouldn’t know I was a submissive. But Master does and that is what matters.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Learning the emotional and psychological aspects of submission

Over the last couple of evenings i have been chatting to a Dom i met in a chat room about the deeper meanings of the D/s lifestyle. He is younger than i am, but has years of experience and a wealth of knowledge. He and i have been engaging in a deep discussion about the person i am now, what i am not happy about regarding myself now and where i need to get to. He has suggested that i record a journal about all of this, and this blog will be that journal. i am going to be creating a separate page on this blog for the record i will create and we will see how we go. i already have some thoughts on the subject of ‘who i am now’ and ‘the person i will be’ but i haven’t yet put pen to paper or whatever the online version of that it.

i see that we are beings made up of body, and minds. We are not two separate people and one affects the other. Attending to the body without considering the mind will not lead to fulfillment of any kind. The guy i have been chatting too seems keen to attend to my psychological education and well being. He is much too easy to talk to but since we are anonymous to each other there is nothing but good that can emerge as far as i can see it.

i am under no illusions about the relationship Master and i are developing. It is mainly sexual and given that sex has been pretty much absent from my life in any meaningful sense for a long time i am not going to let that worry me. i have to have fun while i am learning. But i am recognising that this isn’t just or even really about sex. i know that i am on a journey and the master i have now won’t suit me later. So dear reader, watch this space (or one near by).