If there was one thing about myself that I would love to change it would probably be to see things through to the end. I am pretty good with ideas, and I am very good at starting a project. But I am less good at actually finishing it. At work, I often find myself losing interest if the going gets a bit tough or others aren’t as enthusiastic as me. But generally because it is part of my working life and it is what I am paid to do, I make sure that I push on to the end.
At home I am not always quite so committed. If a book begins to get dull or isn’t well written I invariably give up on it. If a blog post fails to look and feel right I might park it or even delete. This morning I realised that while in 2015 I started the 30 days of kink meme, getting to day 19, I never actually finished it. Since I want to do some tidying up on the blog and move the 30 days of kink onto the meme page, I have decided to get on and finish it off (rather than delete or leave it unfinished. So here goes:
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand
There are a few things to be curious about, for example how does it feel to be tied up in a shibari rope and suspended above the floor? What would it be like to be flogged in public? Equally there are things I am not keen on and don’t really get, for example needle play – why would you want to do it and what pleasure would there be in it? Still I never say never about anything, but I will never be first in the queue to try needle play.
Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I have read a number of BDSM related books over the years, both fiction and non-fiction. Indeed when I began this journey, I found that they helped me to find out the kink that I thought I might be interested in. Even with the contents of my kindle to hand, it is difficult to remember all of them; some are much better written and more believable than others.
My first ever non fiction book was the New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy, which I still rate very highly.
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
A healthy relationship takes work by both parties. Whether vanilla or BDSM there is a need for good communication, particularly the ability to listen and understand each other. There is a need to give and take, to care for each other. Some friends of mine once said that a successful relationship needs sex, love and friendship in equal measure.
The nature of a BDSM relationship means that you also must respect each other, there must be trust and communication is perhaps more important. It is difficult to know if the fact that we talk to each other, consider each others feelings and respect each other more than ever was the case with my ex has anything to do with it being a Master slave relationship. We have come into this knowing what we wanted from each other, and over time we have settled into a routine that suits us.
Our lifestyle might appear vanilla to some, but M/s and kink is never far below the surface of our life.
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I have learnt that there is no right or wrong when it comes to kink and that no two relationships function in the same way. I recognise that I need to feel Master’s control over me, I need him to be in charge. I increasingly find decision making difficult and that my preference is for him to make them for me. That isn’t to say I am unable to function or that I don’t make decisions for myself, it is just my preference. 3 years ago I had no real idea what being a slave might mean. Funnily enough I thought I knew about myself and my submission and about submission in general. But it turns out I was and am still learning. As they say, you are never too old to learn, or it turns out to change.
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I have never looked for a partner, or really been clear what I would be looking for if I were. There have really only been 3 serious relationships in my life and I have been lucky that all 3 have been with caring men. Now though I am probably happier than I ever have before and that is because this man meets my needs in so many ways. He is kind and considerate and my needs are pretty near the front of the queue. He has a great sense of humour, and we laugh a lot. He is intelligent, and well read and trying to keep up with him on any kind of level stretches my own mind. He is perceptive and that means he is very good at also stretching my body and my list of kinks.
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
I am not at all open with the vast majority of people partly because I don’t believe it is their business and also because I doubt they would understand. I don’t particularly want to be judged. However if someone asked me about it and I felt that they truly wanted to know I would tell them. I feel lucky to have a few friends who I can speak openly to, but in the main its just Master and I.
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
I can hardly be against it since that is really how Master and I met. On alt.com almost exactly 3 years ago we met in a chat room, where there was lots of online play going on. I quite enjoyed it, but always knew it was just a bit of fun. Some people take it far more seriously, but then they probably aren’t going to meet the people they play with in real life. We still used to visit the chat room once we had met, but online play then felt a bit ridiculous and even though he hadn’t said that I couldn’t play with other men, I really didn’t want to. Finally the chat activities on that particular site changes and the rooms became less popular, anyway our own relationship in real life developed to an extent that we no longer needed to go there.
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Of course, my life isn’t spent separating its various elements and doing one thing at a time. The only area where there is no overlap is with work, and family stuff. In everything else yes. For example we love to travel, and there are lots of times when I will be dressed to please him and that will lead to some kinky play while we are out and about.
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Master has bought me a number of leather outfits, a spanking skirt, waistcoats, and some harnesses that I sometimes will wear for our play times. Other times I will be naked. It’s really up to him in the main.
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title(eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?
My title is girl. That’s what Master calls me most of the time, only occasionally calling me by my given name. Sometimes he will call me slut, or more often get me to call myself slut, or whore or some other. I have no problem with any of these words or titles. It feels ok when I say them and I guess I am just used to it.
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
I am not sure there is anything else to say and if anything springs to mind I will add it in.