Friendship

I wasn’t going to write anything for this week’s Food For Thought topic on friends and friendship because I have written about before. But, it gives me a chance to link up my previous posts and perhaps to expand a little.

My best friend and partner

Is of course Master. Next weekend is the 6th anniversary of our first meeting. He and I are lovers, we are Master and slave and we are friends. We are friends in a way that was never the case with my ex. Neither of us have many friends and I am glad and grateful that we have each other. There have been times over the last couple of years when I wonder what I’d do without him. He has been the most amazing, caring individual who has put me. before everything else.

Many of my friendships have been transient

As I wrote here last May, people have come and gone from my life. when I wrote this I said that there is no one special I could confide in. But I don’t think that’s quite right. We have a friend in Holland who confided in us when we saw her before Christmas. The time I spent with her, listening and helping her make some difficult decisions made me realise she is someone I could confide in. I also believe she is someone who will remain a friend and not walk away,. Around May time we also saw her and it was then I told her about my breast cancer. She was upset that I hadn’t confided before and I was sorry I hadn’t. I just didn’t want to do it by text message or phone call. But another time I definitely would go to her if I needed help or support.

Online friends who become real friends

I wrote in August about those people who I’ve got to know online and consider to be friends. Those I know from Munches and other events and those I’ve met at Eroticon. The beauty of attending something like Eroticon several years in a row (this will be our 4th) is picking up with friends again. Also developing those relationships over time. Last year was the first time I really struck up detailed conversations with people and I hope to do much more of that this year.

Friends

The current “Tell Me About” topic is Friends. To be precise the topic is FrienD/s, or the people we have met and got to know because of our D/s (or M/s) relationship.

The difficulties

We have been together for just over 5 years and in the context of both of our lives, that is a short period of time. Neither of us has any close friends when we met. I have various people from school, nursing school and work that I occasionally socialise with. But the ending of my marriage also ended some friendships, or it stopped me being asked places. Not that I was or am especially worried. I’m not sure that Master is one for close friends either.

In addition there is the issue of the context of our relationship, the power exchange thing. That doesn’t preclude us from having friends, but it could make it awkward. We have a friend who lives in Holland, she has been a friend of Master’s for a long time. I expect she knows something of our dynamic though we haven’t discussed it with her. But the three of us can discuss most things and have done.

Otherwise, we are reasonably close to my brother and his partner and are considering a holiday with them next year. I wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing the nature of our M/s relationship with them. As far as they know we are regular people, which of course we are.

Everyone else we socialise with are people we’ve met through this blog or through Fetlife.

Online acquaintances can become good friends

I have Molly and Michael to thank for the fact that I have got to know quite so many people from the kink and blogging community. We had attended a couple of Munches before we went to theirs. But it is through that Munch we met Sub B and her partner, @Bear’s Cub and @Hairy Dom and others who don’t blog. We don’t get along every month but it is our favourite type of regular social event. It is through Molly that we have attended CMnf and other play events at the same club. There we met an Irish couple who we hit it off with and I am now in touch with the s of that relationship regularly. In fact I think we will be seining them next week.

I love that we can all talk, not just about ordinary stuff like holidays, work, the weather or whatever, but also sex, kink and blogging. That my first public play took place in front of a group of people that I know from the Munch. I also know that isn’t what everyone would feel comfortable with, but it works just fine for me.

Eroticon

For many of us, it is Eroticon that brought us physically together. We may have begun by commenting on each other’s blogs and felt an affinity there. Then chatted on twitter or via DM and finally got the courage to book tickets to the writing and blogging event of the year.

As I’ve written before, I hardly spoke to a soul I hadn’t already met on my first Eroticon in 2017. This year was completely different. My confidence has grown immensely and already counted some people as friends before we had met in person this year. This meant that we ended up going to both social events and spent prolonged periods of time engaged in conversation with a number of fabulous people. I’d really love to get to know many of these friends better, but time and geography tend to get in the way.

Having met in person at Eroticon we made a point of meeting up and having dinner with Rebel and Master T when we were staying near their home town. I’m sure there will be meetings with others in the future if the chance arises. I guess Missy and His Lordship might think Scotland would be a good call and I’d be inclined to agree!

tellmeabout

A guy I knew

While I have alluded to his presence in my life some years ago, I have never actually written about Kevin on my blog. When we met for the first time he was the first person I had met through the internet. He lived about an hour away and was around 10 years older than me. I had never travelled to meet a man before and wasn’t even sure why I was meeting this one. He turned out to be kind, gentle and a good listener.

Kevin was originally from the North of the country, a former teacher turned local politician. He was a committed socialist, our values were similar, though several degrees to the left of mine. Kevin was married, he said his wife was busy doing her own thing and that she had also strayed. He was looking for a bit of fun. I wasn’t sure what I was seeking, but for a while Kevin filled the gaps in my life.

Over the course of a couple of summers we met every few weeks, for lunch and then a kiss and a cuddle. This often took place in a field or wooded area in the countryside. He fancied me like mad and touched me a lot. He gave amazing orgasms both with his hands and tongue. I hadn’t experienced the like before. Recently diagnosed diabetes has rendered him impotent, so much so that he was unable to get and erection. So he made every encounter about me.

Gradually we drifted apart. He definitely had other women, given he accidentally sent me the wrong text more than once. Plus he worked / volunteered crazy hours as a local politician, especially during elections. Then I met S and I told Kevin that I thought it best we didn’t meet any more. He was gracious and we continued to text each other on birthdays and Christmas. But I didn’t see Kevin after summer 2012.

A year or so ago, a message appeared on facebook saying he had been diagnosed with cancer and was about to start treatment. He was a long term smoker, perhaps I wasn’t massively surprised by the news. I texted to send good wishes and then when I received my own diagnosis I texted again and we exchanged a few words of encouragement to each other. I never heard from him again.

This week I decided to drop him a line to check how he was. I didn’t receive a reply. Today I googled him and discovered he died at the beginning of May. He was well known in his home town and so I found details of the death, funeral and a memorial service in his honour. A public occasion attended by 500 people. clearly a testimony to the man he was.

Kevin was a guy I knew for a while. He was kind and funny, passionate and loving. I don’t know if his wife knew of the other women in his life, my husband at the time certainly didn’t know. I am proud to have known him and sad that this is the only place I can say goodbye to him.

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Friends

On the surface I appear to be able to make friends easily, but those friendships are often superficial. I don’t have a special person I have known for ever that I can confide in. Nor do I have what might be described as a ‘bestie’. I know lots of people and sometimes I meet up or go out with one or more of them. But I can honestly say I am not really close with any of them.

This doesn’t necessarily upset or worry me. This was obviously how it was meant to be. It is partly down to the lack of time I have invested in friendship, but then it does take two. I don’t seem to have been the kind of person others wanted to invest in me as a friend. Facebook has been useful in reigniting longstanding friendships, but hasn’t made me any closer to those people. But that feels fine. We can observe each others lives and offer support and encouragement. In some cases I have made online friends who, although we haven’t met in person, feel as close as those I just don’t see anymore.

This blog has introduced me to a whole load of new people, some of whom are now more than acquaintances. We have something significant in common with each other in a way that I didn’t always feel at school or work. We share intimate parts of our lives and relationships with each other, something I haven’t done with many other people.

I have now met a reasonable number of fellow bloggers and others at Eroticon and can see some of those relationships developing over time. We also attend Munch’s and events locally and have hit it off with a number of people.

I don’t feel the need to invite those people around for dinner, go Christmas shopping or on holiday with them. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t friends and a few will stay the course.

I can honestly say I haven’t fallen out with many friends over the years and I am still on good terms with those I interact with. Instead I have the love of Master and my family and a few friends I would go to if I needed them. And anyway, I live with the man who is the best friend I have ever had.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Friends and much more

Last year HornyGeekGirl started a meme, I stumbled upon it and some where along the line got confused and thought it was new. The prompt is above and I have written the post so its getting posted, better late than never!. I have to say that I love the quote (going to have to find out more about the author) and also the banner on which it sits – beautiful scene of wild flowers……

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It wasn’t the first time I had arranged to meet a man previously only known to me on the internet. But this was different:
  • We hadn’t even spoken on the phone.
  • I didn’t know his first name until I asked him for it the night before.
  • He lived more locally than the previous encounter and therefore I must have known that there were more possibilities open to me.
  • I knew he was involved with someone else, though had little idea at the time of what their relationship was about.
  • I thought I knew about BDSM, about D/s. It turned out that I was about to find out much much more. 
I was nervous, I expect he was too though we haven’t discussed that. What was clear to us both was there was something of a sexual spark between us which emerged during the time it took for us to consume one drink. I expect I spoke quickly and said too much, he was a good listener. As we finished our drinks, he suggested a walk.
It was cool and damp out, but not unpleasant and fresh air seemed a good idea. He took my hand and I felt the buzz of electricity between us. Soon after we stood in a churchyard and kissed for the first time, he touched me outside of my clothes. I throbbed for him. My life had inextricably changed in those few moments even if I didn’t know it yet. 
Looking back on the past 2 years and 7 months I can see that I have changed as a person, that I am happier, more self fulfilled, more confident in myself as a woman and as a sexual being. I am his slut, his bitch and his slave. But also I am his friend and he is mine. We have a relationship based on openness and trust. The dynamic requires it but so does the relationship itself. I love this man, my best friend, my lover, My Master. 

This is my thought for today

As I travel through this journey, it strikes me that it isn’t just to Master that I show so much of myself, but to people who support me through this blog. Thank you for doing so.

I make no excuse for concentrating at the moment on the issues that I need to focus on, they are painful but with the help of Master and of those around me, in person and virtually I know I will succeed.

I am off to France for the weekend tomorrow, a chance to reflect on where I have got to and to recharge for the next push.

Endings

It feels to me that I am not so good at ending relationships, perhaps because I have so little experience. When you marry as young as I did and have been married for as long as I have, there is a good chance that you have not had enough relationships to have become any kind of expert. After a good 18 months of deciding that hubby and I haven’t really got a future, the process goes on. Having said that, I am making progress and have a the start of a plan to get me to where I need to be. Also of course, it doesn’t help when the other person is resistant to the end happening at all.

Last year I had an ending forced upon me and I discovered just how it feels to have your whole world shaken up and as it were the rug pulled beneath you. During that time in July 2013, |I had to tell people I would rather not have, that I had been having a relationship outside of my marriage purely because of the state I was in. That relationship recommenced on a different footing, but he and i always knew that in the end we would go our separate ways, and so it proved.

I will always be grateful for that relationship. For a start it helped me realise how much more there was for me outside of the confines of my marriage. It helped me to begin to learn about my submission and to find out so much more about my own sexuality. When that end came, he was the one that brought it about, even though I had been thinking for a while that it might be best to. I just hadn’t been brave enough plus, selfishly I enjoyed the kinky sex we enjoyed at our meetings.

I am not the person I was in January. I have moved on and have met a man to whom I can fully submit, to whom I can give my whole self, a man who I trust. This man has taught me about my submission in a way I could never have believed possible. He has helped me understand that my submission is a gift, but that gift needs to be nurtured and that as a submissive woman I need to be cared for.

I have realised that the kind of submission I engaged in with S, while in the main fun, also came with it a need for caution. More than once, I slipped into subspace and it is only now looking back that I realise that I needed more aftercare than perhaps either of us knew. When a submissive is in subspace it is like you are slipping and sliding into what feels like a different world. It can feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath you and you are falling and you need to know that someone is there to catch you. What is more, that might not happen for a few days and by then you might not be together in person. If that is the case then you still need to know that person is there for you.

Since we separated for good, we have kept in touch. The extent to which has depended on his subsequent relationships. Lately we have had more contact, but I have been concerned that it is contact that I should treat with caution and perhaps pretty much cease. This week we came close to meeting – a day’s geocaching and a picnic lunch. But as the date approached, I realised that this was not the right thing to do. That I need to end things properly, once and for all. The meeting didn’t happen, it was he who cancelled, but I know I should have done that myself.

I need now to move on with my life and face the future with my Master’s support. So I am going to tell S that I must end things, as difficult as that is for me and will be for him.

Getting this girl back on track

The last week has felt a long one, but this girl is determined that over the course of this weekend she will be back on track in all areas. Last evening this girl had the pleasure of speaking on Skype to her Master, all be it over a very dodgy hotel wifi system. This happened pretty much as soon as this girl had returned from work and put her into a very happy place for the rest of the evening and hopefully for the whole weekend. We chatted mainly about this girl and how she has coped this week. Also about the various tensions in this girl’s life right now and how she is managing them. It is amazing that just by seeing His face and hearing His voice, this girl felt so much more settled. Essentially he could have been reading a book to her and she would have felt happy afterwards.

Filled with joy at having spent time with Him, this girl wanted to tell someone, but since no one was home there was no one to share her experience with. Until a little later that was when this girl had the pleasure of a Skype conversation with destiny. This girl has recently become friends with both destiny and her Master, and over the past week they have both been on hand to help this girl through some of her darker moments. It was great then to share such a happy one with destiny. She has written about the parallels and differences of our journeys on her blog.

Last night for the first time in ages this girl went to bed wearing her plug, and then when she briefly woke at 4am and didn’t seem able to fall back to sleep she gave her master the orgasm she had requested earlier in the evening. Using a vibe over the clit is different since the piercing, this girl can report. The area is more sensitive and in fact for a little time, this girl had to keep moving the vibe away, but once in place it gave a wonderful deep orgasm which Sir would love to have seen. It also helped this girl then sleep well for the second part of the night.

Having just finished a leisurely breakfast and coffee in bed, this girl is now heading off for a bath and shave. After which she intends to re-mark herself – she admitted to Sir that she had let the original fade. Then she intends to wear her plug as she goes about her chores today to help her remember her submission and to think about her Master.

Hopefully then this girl is back in the right mood, and back where she should be.