This is my thought for today

As I travel through this journey, it strikes me that it isn’t just to Master that I show so much of myself, but to people who support me through this blog. Thank you for doing so.

I make no excuse for concentrating at the moment on the issues that I need to focus on, they are painful but with the help of Master and of those around me, in person and virtually I know I will succeed.

I am off to France for the weekend tomorrow, a chance to reflect on where I have got to and to recharge for the next push.

Time away

This girl has just woken in her own bed, alone, for the first time in almost a week. This girl loves sleeping with Master, often she wakes with His hand on her body. He says His hand has a calming influence on a girl who thrashes around a little at times during sleep. 6 consecutive nights together, though and this girl was beginning to enjoy the routine.

The trip to Lisbon was wonderful in so many ways and has left this girl with some memories which will stay with her for years to come. The beautiful views (once you negotiated the hills), the pretty (cobbled) streets, the amazing buildings, many of them as they have always been, some of them however decaying. The smell of fish cooking (something this girl likes and Master does  not), the lovely wine and the beer. Master taking control of the map and pouring over it at each street corner as He looked for the next place He was taking this girl to see. The music; Fado which He introduced this girl to, and which she loved listening to as they ate dinner (though the second evening’s experience was better than the first). Master with His camera, taking so much care to get the right shot, while this girl has taken 5 of her own, in her own natural way. 
The trip was not without its problems, mainly the one where neither of our cases appeared on the baggage carousel. Master’s arrived on Wednesday and this girl’s appears now to be in Lisbon, though it has not yet caught up with her. This meant Monday morning was spent hunting toiletries, and Tuesday morning spent in a shopping mall buying clothes. But in a way this just added to the experience. There were no tears, tantrums or arguments. In the end we just laughed about the misfortune of not being able to wear certain clothes or do certain things. We were both able to wear clean clothes at the very point where wearing our dirty clothes stopped being an option. Plus this girl finds the smell of her Master very very sexy. 
One of the downsides of Master’s luggage going missing was that His toys were in His case. But, even though the Hitachi (nor anything else He had in there) failed to made an appearance, this girl certainly didn’t go without being the object of His pleasure. This girl’s favourite time was usually after waking, but before the need to get up for breakfast. A time when Master used His girl and she worshipped Him in the way He likes and expects. 
When you put all of that together, it was a very special time indeed. 
The timing had a particular purpose. Now that anniversary is done with, this girl needs to move things on at home. The next challenge. 

Time away

I knew the decision to come away was the right one during the argument with hubby on Thursday night. But as I drove from the airport all I could think of was that the last time I had been here it was with Sir. I wondered if I would be able to settle, relax and enjoy myself. The answer is yes, I can.

This is the place I can come to if I need a break from the weather in the UK or from other people. This is a place where I have friends who spend the whole summer and who I can tell  most things to and who I can have fun with.

I have been coming here with hubby and my son for a few years now, and last year got the opportunity to buy a small apartment, a bolt hole if you like. I didn’t realise then how important coming here would be, but I think I am beginning to realise. Of course when you own the place it isn’t just about having a good time, there are chores to be done, so today I am off with my friends to make a few purchases for the apartment and then there will be a little maintenance work to do. But then this afternoon I will get to go to the beach before we go out to dinner tonight.

From here I can still maintain contact with my friends back home and elsewhere and this will be soon all the easier as I will have broadband in the apartment by the end of the month. At the moment I am using a hotspot which is at best temperamental!

This is just a short break; the weekend and next week it will be back to work and to the realities of life. But I know that this place is here and if I need to I can come back, time off and flights depending, I can.

New experiences

The world of Joolz moves on in a positive but maybe uninteresting way.

I was with S a couple of weeks ago and things were good. I think he had been reading my blog, because he reintroduced the nipple clamps and the riding crop. There is always something of a balance between pleasure and pain in these things but generally it would be true to say that an increasing amount of pain leads to lots of pleasure. Our relationship also strikes a good amount of balance. Friends vs sexual and DS benefits – who could complain? Not me that’s for sure.
So I have been in France for 5 days now. On my own with no hubby. For the first few days I had friends here, but since Saturday, for the first time, I am alone. Do you know what? I like it! 
Despite the fact I have been here numerous times before, I have found new places. On foot, by car and a new thing for me, by bike. Egged on by S, yesterday I completed a very long (by any ones standards) bike ride. Ok, on the flat and in the name of geocaching. But when I reached the end of my ride to get my caches, I rode another 7.5k to get back to civilisation. 
I decided that I should have beer. People who cycle for 30k or whatever it was deserve beer. So after locking up my bike in my apartment bike shed, I went to a local bar. Sadly the usual draft beer was unavailable (this is off season, so I guess they are running stocks down), so the lady persuaded me to a bottle of beer. It went down nicely. But as I stood up I felt even more shaky than was expected after 30k. That beer was 7.5% proof!! Not surprisingly I needed a little sleep after my dinner.
Tomorrow, I travel home.
Normal life, but, all is well.
Hope to see S soon.

Exciting times

Despite the mess that is my marriage, essentially I am having a really good time right now. I have discovered that with a bit of effort, good things can happen. Granted I have been helped along by my redundancy payment which I am mainly using wisely (though the odd bit of recklessness doesn’t go amiss.

While on holiday, I was offered the opportunity to buy a small apartment in a French coastal resort. The deal is excellent and to be honest it offers a better use of the money I have available for investment. I will be able to rent it out and also it will be somewhere for all of the family to use for holidays. In about 5 or 6 weeks it should be mine and that will offer some great new opportunities.

I have now been offered some work, essentially 3 days per week for the next 3-4 months, plus there is some other work in the offing. Hopefully this will mean I can take another short break in the autumn, when I will definitely be going to France!

I went to look at cars on Saturday and came out of the show room the owner of a new car. I went with the intention of buying a car that was 2 years old, but what with 0% interest and some other enticements, the new one was too good to pass up. By the weekend I should have it and that will be lots of fun.

The kitchen planner came today, and my final large purchase will soon be on order. This is the first time, in 20 years in this house that we have had something like this done. The last kitchen was a DIY job, and was never actually quite finished. This will give me something I have always wanted, plus it will add to the value of the house. There is every chance we will need to sell in the next couple of years, given the state of my marriage, but meantime I am going to have something I really want.

I have a few trips to look forward to in the next few weeks – a night out seeing Robbie Williams in concert, a trip to Henley Regatta and then my son’s graduation. New clothes are needed for the last two (the same new outfit for both), so I will need to get on with that pretty soon.

So while my life seems full of uncertainty when it comes to hubby and I there are lots of positives. Plus of course, I have my relationship with Sir. That is going really well and there is a lot to look forward to there too.

My first blog from France

It’s great to be writing this on my balcony overlooking a harbour in France. I’d like to say that I have just come off of the beach after a day of sunbathing, but after a sunny start it clouded over.  It is far from cold though, and although I am wearing a sweatshirt I am not cold in shorts.  The change of scenery, peace and space is what I came here for and that is what I have.

This is a place filled with memories. I have been visiting this area of France for over 10 years. To begin with as a family, hubby, my son and always his cousin who is the same age. At age 10 they loved the safe, sandy beaches, the sandcastle s and holes in the sand that were dug. The castles they visited, the fact that they could have more freedom than at home.  More recently it has been hubby and me. We have strolled, walked purposefully, climbed hills and we have eaten the local delicacies and drank the wine and beer. It is hard to be here on my own, while at the same time since I know it well, it has been easy.
My friend, in whose apartment I am staying had welcomed me as she always does.  She has her own daughter and her family here, yet they have taken me into their lives. So I have had the fun of being with little children, as well as some solitude. I feel at peace here. Happy to just be. 
But this friend takes no nonsense. She has directly questioned me, smelt a huge rat! Within 10 minutes of everyone else taking off for the supermarket for supplies on Saturday, she had more information out of me than I have given to practically anyone else. Then yesterday, another day of less than great weather, she coerced me out to buy new furniture for her holiday properties and got even more. The only thing she doesn’t know now is the kink. She only judges that I should never have told hubby the truth, that he would be less hurt by lies. But the truth is out and there is no going back on that. 
I have a friend from home arriving Saturday, so this trip will turn into something different again. I look forward to that. Meanwhile, I am getting some sense of life as a single woman, and you know it is not so bad.
I would like to be here with Sir, that  won’t happen this time, maybe in the future there is a chance for new and different memories?

Florence

It is a place I have wanted to travel to for ages. A place that from photos looked beautiful. A place steeped in history. I wasn’t disappointed.

I haven’t spent a lot of time in Italy. Not in comparison to France and Spain where I have holidayed lots. A few years ago, we took my son and nephew to Rome for their 18th birthdays, what a beautiful place. I would say though that Florence comes close. Of course the pope doesn’t live there and there is no Vatican. But Florence is a more relaxed place, perhaps a bit less ‘up itself’, if I can be so blunt.

I took lots of photos and here are a few:

Duomo di Santa Maria del Fiore taken from the top of the Museo di Palazzo Veccio
Inside the Museo di Palazzo Veccio – The Medici family liked it’s ornate decoration
The famous Ponti Veccio, amazing jewellery shops for those with lots of money, but I did buy a lovely leather bag from a shop just across the bridge
The Giardino di Boboli at the Museo di Pitti 
I drank cappuccino in a cafe where according to my guidebook people sit to see and be seen, I drank chianti, ate pasta and pizza and some wonderful gelato. I chatted to other visitors and I read Romola by George Eliot (set in 15th century Florence). I walked and I thought about things.
I thought about the things that have happened over recent months and about how I would like things to be in the future. All that can be done now, is to move forwards. There is no turning back. The world is large and full of new experiences and I am brave enough to face them.
I do seem however to have picked up some kind of virus and am not feeling at my best. Sir has offered me to visit him tomorrow for the day, maybe that is what I need to prevent me wallowing in my own self pity. Thinking is good but maybe best not to do too much of it at a time!

Back

France was great, though the weather on some days was less sunny and warm than i may have liked. I managed to swim in the sea though and to walk miles. I also ate some very good food and drank some lovely wine. Back to the diet asap! My world has been refreshingly vanilla. I make no excuses for admitting that other than a few email exchanges with Sir and some thoughts about what He might choose to do with me in those surroundings (slutty escapades in the outdoors, making use of the slatted railings to the mezzanine floor which served as our bedroom to name two) I have been in relaxing mode. I can’t really explain how tired I felt before i left these shores, but it was very weary indeed.

I feel pretty refreshed, well i would be but Sir suggested an early morning skype this morning and i was too eager to see him to say no (not that i am good at turning him down at the best of times). We haven’t done the skype thing before, and i was a bit reticent about him seeing me when i had only just woken up. But then i thought, how silly, he has seen me when asleep, let alone newly woken! We were a little naughty on there, but what are two adults to do when they haven’t laid eyes on each other for 3 weeks and have another week to go.

One of the best things about having been away, with limited contact to each other is knowing that we have missed each other. It does the heart good to know that while i have been thinking about him, he has also been thinking of me. It reminds me of how much he means to me now, and what i mean to him. Counting down now to next Thursday. Much more of that in the days to come….

Interlude

From tomorrow afternoon, for a bit over a week, this will be the view from my door. On that table will be wine, cheese, baguettes and a host of other goodies. i am going to stroll along that beach, swim in that sea and i am going to generally let myself unwind. My thoughts will probably frequently turn to Sir, thinking about what he might be doing. i will also reflect on some of the wonderful things we have done together over recent months and begin to think about the future times we will share. Mostly though i will read, catch some sun rays (there has been something of an absence of sun and warmth in the UK this summer), eat some nice food, drink some nice wine, walk, chat with our friends who live nearby and unwind.

Work has made me tired, it has been busy, but also we have the stress of knowing that from April 2013 structures of our services will have changed. When i return from my break i will have to start the process of applying for jobs (my own if it exists, or another if it doesn’t). This is a good time to pause, reflect and recharge.

When i return i will have a few more days off, which i will need to catch up on everyone’s blogs! See you then!