Getting away

There is something about being away from home, in a foreign land that is just so relaxing. There are few things that cause stress these days, but they are ever present in the home environment. Essentially they revolve around the ex-hubby, my mum and work. They are unavoidable things, well the last two definitely are and I am working on the first one.

The day time here is warm, around 18c, though the evenings are cool. We have been able to get out and do a bit of the tourist thing, and we have been able to picnic by the side of a french canal. A slight oversight on my part, meant that today I managed to forget the picnic plates and cups and we were forced to drink wine from the bottle!

But I did make Master’s day, when I needed to pee and did so in full view of Him. He photographed it, but perhaps it didn’t come out? The next time we go away together it will be for longer and should be warmer. I will be able (well will be expected) to wear more accessible clothing (no trousers), however this time I did expose my tits for Him. Luckily in France on a Monday in early March you are likely to encounter few tourists.

Otherwise this weekend we have relaxed, eaten some nice food and enjoyed some good wine. We will travel home tomorrow, but have one more night and one more morning to spend time together in bed.

I am aware of the whole questions and answers in March thing and do intend to join in. Just recovering first from February photofest!

Time, what’s that?

Apparently today is the day of the great cookie extravaganza, it would be lovely to participate. But, firstly I am not a great cookie maker, and secondly, I have barely had time to think this last week, let alone put up a recipe. Having said that, there are loads of great recipes being posted right now, so maybe I will get me some ingredients and make some of them.

When I say I haven’t had time to think, that might not be entirely true, since I spent a great number of hours travelling by coach over the weekend. But the weekend and subsequent few days have been mighty busy. Time now to spend a bit of time reflecting back on that whole time.

This was the fifth time I had been on this particular trip, one which takes around 10 hours to reach our destination. It is time to catch up with some friends, to chat and to eat and drink. It is also time to catch up on sleep, reading and me time. The first two times I did that journey, hubby was with me. The second of those, just after he had found out about S. It now transpires that on that particular trip, hubby misbehaved and started the relationship which he now has (one he still insists is platonic).

Last year when I travelled, a number of people knew about that relationship, I did not. That knowledge made me feel a little strange on this occasion. Strange and a little apart from the group. I enjoyed this trip, but somehow not as much as I have in the past. On the way home, everyone was already discussing next year, new places to see and things to do. I kept quite, I am not sure there will be a next year for me. I think enough might just be enough.

By this time next year, I intend to be living a different life from this one. I fully expect this to be my last year in this house. Who knows if Master and I will still be together, but whatever happens I don’t expect anyone to think hubby and I are still a couple. We aren’t now and we won’t be then. My son has made it clear he would like his parents to sort themselves out and I for one want to have the relationship I want with the man I want it with, as openly as we want.

The past two days have been about my mum. I have spent time with her, taken her shopping and today for a medical examination. I have spent time sorting out yet more of the paperwork which emerges when someone dies and now I want time for me. Time for me and time for Master that is.

I have had very little time with Him this past 10 days or so (and none of it in person). I have had no time to be the submissive I want to be, or to allow Him to be the Master He wants to be. I only have to glance at His Tumblr blog to see some of the things on His mind and to give me a flavour of some of the things I would rather be doing right now.

I am looking forward to that time, Master and slave. Roll on Friday, when we will get that time together again!

Perfect weekend

It’s hard to believe that it is very nearly December, and that we have to start to think about Christmas. In one way, the past two months or so have sped past in a kind of blur of activity. But it has been a tiring painful time. Having my mum in hospital for the past two weeks has been challenging. But thankfully she is now recovering at home, and fears about a more serious disease than pneumonia (though that is serious enough) appear unfounded.

Master decided we should have a weekend away and go somewhere that His girl would unwind and where we could both be pampered. That place was a lovely and pretty luxurious hotel in Amsterdam, a place with suites where you get a jacuzzi bath, sauna and steam shower in your room. A place where such wonderful luxury can lure a girl into thinking that she is with a regular romantic until He hogties her and then leaves her while He has a shower.

My overriding  memory of the weekend is one of relaxation and pampering. Sipping champagne in the jacuzzi, going down on each other in the sauna. Apparently there was a list of things of which along with hogtying me on the bed were included.

We also explored the City of Amsterdam a little, though mainly in relation to eating and drinking. This wasn’t a tourist type weekend, it was one of indulgence. One which for me was perfect and one to look back on with pleasure.

This is my thought for today

As I travel through this journey, it strikes me that it isn’t just to Master that I show so much of myself, but to people who support me through this blog. Thank you for doing so.

I make no excuse for concentrating at the moment on the issues that I need to focus on, they are painful but with the help of Master and of those around me, in person and virtually I know I will succeed.

I am off to France for the weekend tomorrow, a chance to reflect on where I have got to and to recharge for the next push.

Time away

This girl has just woken in her own bed, alone, for the first time in almost a week. This girl loves sleeping with Master, often she wakes with His hand on her body. He says His hand has a calming influence on a girl who thrashes around a little at times during sleep. 6 consecutive nights together, though and this girl was beginning to enjoy the routine.

The trip to Lisbon was wonderful in so many ways and has left this girl with some memories which will stay with her for years to come. The beautiful views (once you negotiated the hills), the pretty (cobbled) streets, the amazing buildings, many of them as they have always been, some of them however decaying. The smell of fish cooking (something this girl likes and Master does  not), the lovely wine and the beer. Master taking control of the map and pouring over it at each street corner as He looked for the next place He was taking this girl to see. The music; Fado which He introduced this girl to, and which she loved listening to as they ate dinner (though the second evening’s experience was better than the first). Master with His camera, taking so much care to get the right shot, while this girl has taken 5 of her own, in her own natural way. 
The trip was not without its problems, mainly the one where neither of our cases appeared on the baggage carousel. Master’s arrived on Wednesday and this girl’s appears now to be in Lisbon, though it has not yet caught up with her. This meant Monday morning was spent hunting toiletries, and Tuesday morning spent in a shopping mall buying clothes. But in a way this just added to the experience. There were no tears, tantrums or arguments. In the end we just laughed about the misfortune of not being able to wear certain clothes or do certain things. We were both able to wear clean clothes at the very point where wearing our dirty clothes stopped being an option. Plus this girl finds the smell of her Master very very sexy. 
One of the downsides of Master’s luggage going missing was that His toys were in His case. But, even though the Hitachi (nor anything else He had in there) failed to made an appearance, this girl certainly didn’t go without being the object of His pleasure. This girl’s favourite time was usually after waking, but before the need to get up for breakfast. A time when Master used His girl and she worshipped Him in the way He likes and expects. 
When you put all of that together, it was a very special time indeed. 
The timing had a particular purpose. Now that anniversary is done with, this girl needs to move things on at home. The next challenge. 

Time away

I knew the decision to come away was the right one during the argument with hubby on Thursday night. But as I drove from the airport all I could think of was that the last time I had been here it was with Sir. I wondered if I would be able to settle, relax and enjoy myself. The answer is yes, I can.

This is the place I can come to if I need a break from the weather in the UK or from other people. This is a place where I have friends who spend the whole summer and who I can tell  most things to and who I can have fun with.

I have been coming here with hubby and my son for a few years now, and last year got the opportunity to buy a small apartment, a bolt hole if you like. I didn’t realise then how important coming here would be, but I think I am beginning to realise. Of course when you own the place it isn’t just about having a good time, there are chores to be done, so today I am off with my friends to make a few purchases for the apartment and then there will be a little maintenance work to do. But then this afternoon I will get to go to the beach before we go out to dinner tonight.

From here I can still maintain contact with my friends back home and elsewhere and this will be soon all the easier as I will have broadband in the apartment by the end of the month. At the moment I am using a hotspot which is at best temperamental!

This is just a short break; the weekend and next week it will be back to work and to the realities of life. But I know that this place is here and if I need to I can come back, time off and flights depending, I can.

New experiences

The world of Joolz moves on in a positive but maybe uninteresting way.

I was with S a couple of weeks ago and things were good. I think he had been reading my blog, because he reintroduced the nipple clamps and the riding crop. There is always something of a balance between pleasure and pain in these things but generally it would be true to say that an increasing amount of pain leads to lots of pleasure. Our relationship also strikes a good amount of balance. Friends vs sexual and DS benefits – who could complain? Not me that’s for sure.
So I have been in France for 5 days now. On my own with no hubby. For the first few days I had friends here, but since Saturday, for the first time, I am alone. Do you know what? I like it! 
Despite the fact I have been here numerous times before, I have found new places. On foot, by car and a new thing for me, by bike. Egged on by S, yesterday I completed a very long (by any ones standards) bike ride. Ok, on the flat and in the name of geocaching. But when I reached the end of my ride to get my caches, I rode another 7.5k to get back to civilisation. 
I decided that I should have beer. People who cycle for 30k or whatever it was deserve beer. So after locking up my bike in my apartment bike shed, I went to a local bar. Sadly the usual draft beer was unavailable (this is off season, so I guess they are running stocks down), so the lady persuaded me to a bottle of beer. It went down nicely. But as I stood up I felt even more shaky than was expected after 30k. That beer was 7.5% proof!! Not surprisingly I needed a little sleep after my dinner.
Tomorrow, I travel home.
Normal life, but, all is well.
Hope to see S soon.

Exciting times

Despite the mess that is my marriage, essentially I am having a really good time right now. I have discovered that with a bit of effort, good things can happen. Granted I have been helped along by my redundancy payment which I am mainly using wisely (though the odd bit of recklessness doesn’t go amiss.

While on holiday, I was offered the opportunity to buy a small apartment in a French coastal resort. The deal is excellent and to be honest it offers a better use of the money I have available for investment. I will be able to rent it out and also it will be somewhere for all of the family to use for holidays. In about 5 or 6 weeks it should be mine and that will offer some great new opportunities.

I have now been offered some work, essentially 3 days per week for the next 3-4 months, plus there is some other work in the offing. Hopefully this will mean I can take another short break in the autumn, when I will definitely be going to France!

I went to look at cars on Saturday and came out of the show room the owner of a new car. I went with the intention of buying a car that was 2 years old, but what with 0% interest and some other enticements, the new one was too good to pass up. By the weekend I should have it and that will be lots of fun.

The kitchen planner came today, and my final large purchase will soon be on order. This is the first time, in 20 years in this house that we have had something like this done. The last kitchen was a DIY job, and was never actually quite finished. This will give me something I have always wanted, plus it will add to the value of the house. There is every chance we will need to sell in the next couple of years, given the state of my marriage, but meantime I am going to have something I really want.

I have a few trips to look forward to in the next few weeks – a night out seeing Robbie Williams in concert, a trip to Henley Regatta and then my son’s graduation. New clothes are needed for the last two (the same new outfit for both), so I will need to get on with that pretty soon.

So while my life seems full of uncertainty when it comes to hubby and I there are lots of positives. Plus of course, I have my relationship with Sir. That is going really well and there is a lot to look forward to there too.

My first blog from France

It’s great to be writing this on my balcony overlooking a harbour in France. I’d like to say that I have just come off of the beach after a day of sunbathing, but after a sunny start it clouded over.  It is far from cold though, and although I am wearing a sweatshirt I am not cold in shorts.  The change of scenery, peace and space is what I came here for and that is what I have.

This is a place filled with memories. I have been visiting this area of France for over 10 years. To begin with as a family, hubby, my son and always his cousin who is the same age. At age 10 they loved the safe, sandy beaches, the sandcastle s and holes in the sand that were dug. The castles they visited, the fact that they could have more freedom than at home.  More recently it has been hubby and me. We have strolled, walked purposefully, climbed hills and we have eaten the local delicacies and drank the wine and beer. It is hard to be here on my own, while at the same time since I know it well, it has been easy.
My friend, in whose apartment I am staying had welcomed me as she always does.  She has her own daughter and her family here, yet they have taken me into their lives. So I have had the fun of being with little children, as well as some solitude. I feel at peace here. Happy to just be. 
But this friend takes no nonsense. She has directly questioned me, smelt a huge rat! Within 10 minutes of everyone else taking off for the supermarket for supplies on Saturday, she had more information out of me than I have given to practically anyone else. Then yesterday, another day of less than great weather, she coerced me out to buy new furniture for her holiday properties and got even more. The only thing she doesn’t know now is the kink. She only judges that I should never have told hubby the truth, that he would be less hurt by lies. But the truth is out and there is no going back on that. 
I have a friend from home arriving Saturday, so this trip will turn into something different again. I look forward to that. Meanwhile, I am getting some sense of life as a single woman, and you know it is not so bad.
I would like to be here with Sir, that  won’t happen this time, maybe in the future there is a chance for new and different memories?


It is a place I have wanted to travel to for ages. A place that from photos looked beautiful. A place steeped in history. I wasn’t disappointed.

I haven’t spent a lot of time in Italy. Not in comparison to France and Spain where I have holidayed lots. A few years ago, we took my son and nephew to Rome for their 18th birthdays, what a beautiful place. I would say though that Florence comes close. Of course the pope doesn’t live there and there is no Vatican. But Florence is a more relaxed place, perhaps a bit less ‘up itself’, if I can be so blunt.

I took lots of photos and here are a few:

Duomo di Santa Maria del Fiore taken from the top of the Museo di Palazzo Veccio
Inside the Museo di Palazzo Veccio – The Medici family liked it’s ornate decoration
The famous Ponti Veccio, amazing jewellery shops for those with lots of money, but I did buy a lovely leather bag from a shop just across the bridge
The Giardino di Boboli at the Museo di Pitti 
I drank cappuccino in a cafe where according to my guidebook people sit to see and be seen, I drank chianti, ate pasta and pizza and some wonderful gelato. I chatted to other visitors and I read Romola by George Eliot (set in 15th century Florence). I walked and I thought about things.
I thought about the things that have happened over recent months and about how I would like things to be in the future. All that can be done now, is to move forwards. There is no turning back. The world is large and full of new experiences and I am brave enough to face them.
I do seem however to have picked up some kind of virus and am not feeling at my best. Sir has offered me to visit him tomorrow for the day, maybe that is what I need to prevent me wallowing in my own self pity. Thinking is good but maybe best not to do too much of it at a time!