Living and loving life

Two weeks ago we had our first play time for, well who knows how long. Master used and abused His slave and she was rewarded with a large number of orgasms. Later that evening found the slave wearing a kind of net dress and promising that more time would be spent on display, ready for Master’s use.

When we have those conversations we completely mean them. But life isn’t just about having a kinky time, about kneeling at His feet and waiting to be given instructions on how to best provide service. Being owned, being His slave is just part of what I am and what we do. But it is always there, always in the background. I would go as far as to say that every day, whether we are together or not I remember my place and I am also clear that He does too.

Last weekend we travelled to France. I needed to check up on my apartment to make sure it had survived the holiday season (I pretty much had guests staying continuously from June to October) and to think about the things that will need doing before next year. We both had thoughts about the kinky stuff we might get up to while there, but as is often the case, things just got in the way. Things started to go slightly off course when, after dinner and wine we found ourselves in our favourite bar and jointed in the Karaoke. Master’s rendition of Que reste-t-il de nos amours (I know I had never heard of it either), will be long remembered, plus I videoed it! 

Plans for the next morning went out of the window since we woke closer to lunch time and were a ‘little’ hung over.  After a leisurely coffee we made our way to the supermarket for supplies, but since I hadn’t actually got around to checking what, other than food might be required I came away without stocking up on cleaning necessities etc. 

It was by then a beautiful sunny afternoon and warm enough to eat our lunch on the apartment balcony and then we took a stroll around the lake. The scenery was lovely, the weather beautiful. We saw flamingos and other birds, as well as plenty of autumnal plants. However as dusk fell and we found ourselves on a particularly sandy part of the Etang a combination of midges and mosquitoes hit us. We must have looked like a comedy duo as we tried to sweep them out of our hair and around our faces. Next morning, Master discovered he had been bitten badly on his head and under one eye (usually it is me who suffers in this way).

On Sunday, after a relaxing morning we headed out to visit a small and very pretty town called St Guilhem-le-Désert. Whenever we are in France, we try to visit at least one new place (for either or us or both) and this place has the remains of an old monastery surrounded by quaint shops, little alley ways and over looked by the Hérault Gorges. Sadly the day was too short to properly explore the area, but it is something to come back to. 

Monday morning and we began cleaning up. A realisation dawned that I hadn’t quite achieved what we had travelled to France for. I hadn’t replenished cleaning stocks and hadn’t done any real maintenance. We hadn’t done anything kinky, much less had sex. But we had fun and made new memories. As Master has said since we demonstrated that we are growing old disgracefully. Do you know what we are living life and we are loving it too. A successful weekend then!

A breather

We are in France, staying at my apartment in the south west of the country. If there is anywhere in the world that I can relax and throw off the concerns of daily life this is it. Whenever I come here, I am able to sleep better and for longer, I am able to forget about work and family concerns and can just be. I don’t need to stay for long, a few days is enough to allow me to soak up the atmosphere, drink some wine, eat some local food and then to head back into the real world. Luckily Master also loves this part of the world, having spent time in this area as a student and then subsequently on holiday over the years. The weather has been, to say the least changeable, and right now, while sunny it is really windy (I wouldn’t want to be on the beach or worse at sea). Shortly we are going to head out further east to try to escape this wind and to see a place neither have been to. 

On Wednesday when we arrived in France, we stayed in Carcassonne in this beautiful hotel. We had tickets for a concert and so had decided to spend the night. I ate my first pizza in months and really enjoyed it. Since I started to try to lose weight a year ago, I have been avoiding such things. But this was a real treat and I ate without guilt (I may regret it next week when I get home and on the scales, but I somehow doubt it).
The next morning we wandered around the town and explored the church and cathedral within the city centre, rather than the Cité, which is where most tourists go. Then we headed to my apartment and spent a pleasant afternoon on the balcony enjoying the sun and drinking some local wine. Yesterday we did some shopping. I have recently had a new bathroom fitted so wanted to buy some new accessories and towels. I enjoy shopping in France, seeing the different things on offer from what is available in the UK. Unlike at shopping at home, I have the time to browse, since there isn’t the pressure to get onto doing something else.  Tomorrow, something more kinky, but for today this lovely view from our hotel window in Carcassonne as I head off for my afternoon of sightseeing. 

A place to relax

I have a painting in my dining room of the place I have my apartment in France. I have my ex to thank for buying the picture and maybe when we divide everything up he will want it. It is a place we both love to go to, just not at the same time these days. I am looking forward to getting back there soon for some sun, sea and of course sex. It is a place where I immediately unwind and relax. 

My submission

Dominance and submission has been a key part of our relationship from the start, and it remains so. The relationship, which started with the intention that is mainly be around play has become something far deeper. This is a long term relationship that may well turn out to be something that defines us in our middle age. But it remains one where He is the dominant and I am the submissive. That is the undercurrent to each day of our lives, it is just the way things are. We go about our business, together or apart, but during that time we both know who we are and are mindful of our roles and what that means to the other. To Him, I am girl. I am there to be loved and cherished, but I am also there to serve him at all times. For me, He is Master and at all times not only do I want to serve, but I want Him to be proud. This is our life.

I can’t imagine that either of us wouldn’t want the D/s (or indeed M/s) that is so important to us. However, we are not one dimensional and there is far more to our life and the things we enjoy together. I don’t see our relationship failing because of that and anyway I love Him for who He is in so many ways.

The percentage of time when our interactions are rooted in D/s probably depends on where we are and whether we are together. But, since I wear His collar and cuff, and since I try as part of my contract to think about my place as His slave I would say that for most of each day I know where our relationship stems from. As a woman in her fifties, as a woman who has discovered her sexuality later in life than many, I have to say that I embrace my place as His slave. For me, there are constant reminders which mean that at least 90% of my time is in truth embedded in my relationship with Him. Embedded in the fact that I am this girl; His slave.

The photo below was taken last summer. As usual I wore no underwear and when He demanded to see His property I did so. Mind you, at the same time it appears, I was filing my nails!

It’s been a week

A week since my last post and almost a week since I laid eyes on Master, even on Skype. We have chatted on the phone and there have been texts, but it isn’t the same.

I have been away in France; I took my mum who needed a break from the monotony of home and some company. As Master reminded me when she was stressing me out, I was doing something that was a good thing. She and I have never had an easy relationship, partly because of the way she wants to control everything that those around her do. I always struggled that, because, I thought I wanted to be the one in control. I am no longer sure that is really the case, I just resented the way she wanted to control me.

In general it has been a calm and relaxing time. We have managed to catch some rays of sun, which were lacking here in the UK before we left. But, her lack of mobility since her hip fracture is a real worry, and what is worse, is that she really seems to have no desire to regain it. She seems happy to have people  me and my brothers running around after her.

The trouble is we are not always around and then she seems to get bitter about the lack of help. The other problem is that there are very few other people who are involved regularly in her life, us, the grandchildren and one neighbour. She has alienated people over recent years, and somehow seems to expect more from them than she has given back. If I didn’t have the life I have with Master I fear I would give in and spend half of my life running around after her, getting ever more bitter about how my life was. Then, who knows I would wake up one day and find I had become her!

The absence from Master has been challenging. I have had enough to fill my time, and it isn’t that I have been pining or anything, it is just that I have missed him and the contact we usually have. He was a great help when I was really stressed on Thursday. I was tired, mum was tired and the weekend seemed to stretch ahead of me. Just a few texts was enough to get me back into the right frame of mind. But texts and a phone call while walking through a french village is not the same. I need to see his face now, I need to listen to his voice now. I need to touch him.

It is at times like this that I begin to doubt myself and him. Has he missed me, does he need to see, hear and touch me? Is he busy in his own world and so has little for me right now? Stupid and irrational thoughts, but sometimes it is just too easy to let your mind work over time. It isn’t the physical side of life I need him for. I am well able to care for myself (and my mum if necessary),  but I do need the emotional support.

Last night, after returning home, I had hoped we would chat. I tried calling on Skype, though I had an idea he was offline (he always shows as away). I didn’t feel the urge to beg for a chat, so just went to bed. This morning though I know I could have done with that contact. Hopefully later this evening.

Getting away

There is something about being away from home, in a foreign land that is just so relaxing. There are few things that cause stress these days, but they are ever present in the home environment. Essentially they revolve around the ex-hubby, my mum and work. They are unavoidable things, well the last two definitely are and I am working on the first one.

The day time here is warm, around 18c, though the evenings are cool. We have been able to get out and do a bit of the tourist thing, and we have been able to picnic by the side of a french canal. A slight oversight on my part, meant that today I managed to forget the picnic plates and cups and we were forced to drink wine from the bottle!

But I did make Master’s day, when I needed to pee and did so in full view of Him. He photographed it, but perhaps it didn’t come out? The next time we go away together it will be for longer and should be warmer. I will be able (well will be expected) to wear more accessible clothing (no trousers), however this time I did expose my tits for Him. Luckily in France on a Monday in early March you are likely to encounter few tourists.

Otherwise this weekend we have relaxed, eaten some nice food and enjoyed some good wine. We will travel home tomorrow, but have one more night and one more morning to spend time together in bed.

I am aware of the whole questions and answers in March thing and do intend to join in. Just recovering first from February photofest!

France

So, here we are in the south of France. It’s a tad cold right now, so tonight’s dinner for me was a lovely Ragout and for Master, Spaghetti Carbonara. With some local red wine, of course. I would have let you see a photo of my pudding, the house peach gateau but I ate it before I thought things through.

So this is 28th February and this is my 28th February photofest picture. It has been fun, if a little tricky at times to work out quite what to post. 
I will try to post as much as possible during March, but I can’t guarantee so many photos. 

This weekend

Love this view, and have it on my desktop
We  are going to France, to my apartment, my bolt hole. Over there, hopefully it will be a little more sunny and a little warmer than over here. Plus we get the chance to be properly away from everything.
View over the pool from the apartment
The main reason for travelling is to make sure all is well after the winter, to prepare for the coming summer and to organise someone to look after the place should I manage to get some complete strangers to book up.
It looks lovely at night

In other news, I am preparing to move to my own domain. This whole blogger thing is the final straw for me. It isn’t that I really need to post photos that might be considered pornographic by some, but that this whole google /  blog thing will just run and run. Plus, it will be my place, somewhere I can express myself. I know some people find the whole wordpress platform tricky, but I really need to find a permanent home and maybe that is the place.

New experiences

The world of Joolz moves on in a positive but maybe uninteresting way.

I was with S a couple of weeks ago and things were good. I think he had been reading my blog, because he reintroduced the nipple clamps and the riding crop. There is always something of a balance between pleasure and pain in these things but generally it would be true to say that an increasing amount of pain leads to lots of pleasure. Our relationship also strikes a good amount of balance. Friends vs sexual and DS benefits – who could complain? Not me that’s for sure.
So I have been in France for 5 days now. On my own with no hubby. For the first few days I had friends here, but since Saturday, for the first time, I am alone. Do you know what? I like it! 
Despite the fact I have been here numerous times before, I have found new places. On foot, by car and a new thing for me, by bike. Egged on by S, yesterday I completed a very long (by any ones standards) bike ride. Ok, on the flat and in the name of geocaching. But when I reached the end of my ride to get my caches, I rode another 7.5k to get back to civilisation. 
I decided that I should have beer. People who cycle for 30k or whatever it was deserve beer. So after locking up my bike in my apartment bike shed, I went to a local bar. Sadly the usual draft beer was unavailable (this is off season, so I guess they are running stocks down), so the lady persuaded me to a bottle of beer. It went down nicely. But as I stood up I felt even more shaky than was expected after 30k. That beer was 7.5% proof!! Not surprisingly I needed a little sleep after my dinner.
Tomorrow, I travel home.
Normal life, but, all is well.
Hope to see S soon.

My first blog from France

It’s great to be writing this on my balcony overlooking a harbour in France. I’d like to say that I have just come off of the beach after a day of sunbathing, but after a sunny start it clouded over.  It is far from cold though, and although I am wearing a sweatshirt I am not cold in shorts.  The change of scenery, peace and space is what I came here for and that is what I have.

This is a place filled with memories. I have been visiting this area of France for over 10 years. To begin with as a family, hubby, my son and always his cousin who is the same age. At age 10 they loved the safe, sandy beaches, the sandcastle s and holes in the sand that were dug. The castles they visited, the fact that they could have more freedom than at home.  More recently it has been hubby and me. We have strolled, walked purposefully, climbed hills and we have eaten the local delicacies and drank the wine and beer. It is hard to be here on my own, while at the same time since I know it well, it has been easy.
My friend, in whose apartment I am staying had welcomed me as she always does.  She has her own daughter and her family here, yet they have taken me into their lives. So I have had the fun of being with little children, as well as some solitude. I feel at peace here. Happy to just be. 
But this friend takes no nonsense. She has directly questioned me, smelt a huge rat! Within 10 minutes of everyone else taking off for the supermarket for supplies on Saturday, she had more information out of me than I have given to practically anyone else. Then yesterday, another day of less than great weather, she coerced me out to buy new furniture for her holiday properties and got even more. The only thing she doesn’t know now is the kink. She only judges that I should never have told hubby the truth, that he would be less hurt by lies. But the truth is out and there is no going back on that. 
I have a friend from home arriving Saturday, so this trip will turn into something different again. I look forward to that. Meanwhile, I am getting some sense of life as a single woman, and you know it is not so bad.
I would like to be here with Sir, that  won’t happen this time, maybe in the future there is a chance for new and different memories?