Our changing lifestyle

Friday 31st August was the last day in my job. I bought cakes and fruit for people in the office, went for lunch with colleagues and then sent my final emails. For the first time in my almost 38 year career I voluntarily walked from my workplace with no job to go to. 5 years ago I was made redundant, but within weeks I was working again. This time will be different, I am as yet undecided as to whether I want or need another job. What is more, I have made a deal with myself not to think about it until the new year.

This week we are in France. The weather is glorious, the days still a little longer than at home. We have nothing to do but be together and to remind ourselves of why we love just being together. On the spur of the moment we have extended our stay, because we can. We don’t need to be home till Sunday and neither of us has work or other responsibilities to pull us back yet.

The events of the last weeks – the move, winding down then leaving work – have sapped me of energy. I have struggled to feel sexy for my man even when he tells me how much he wants and needs me. I have slept alot this holiday and while awake Master has paid lots of attention to me and my body. Gradually I am beginning to feel human again and yes, a little horny. He asked me this morning how that manifests itself, and I had to think. It is a long time since I took the initiative, made it clear what I want. Now though maybe I am ready.

Our lifestyle to date has involved me working 4 days a week and spending those evenings alone at home, then us coming together for the weekend. Some Fridays I visit my mum and stay over. For months there has been work around the house, packing, decluttering. But now we have much more time to be together and make a life together.

What is clear is that certain elements of our M/s relationship which have been a little on the back burner will be able to come to the fore. We have been talking about our feelings, of ways in which his dominance and my submission is important to us. This is an evolving picture and something I will express here on my blog over the coming days, weeks and months. What I know is, for the first time I am putting me, our relationship and importantly Him first from now on.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The lure of the sea

There is something about the sea that draws me to it. As I stand, on land – perhaps the beach, on a cliff head or perhaps a beautiful promenade and look out towards the sea – I am filled with wonder. I am in awe that when you look towards the horizon the sea carries on even though you can’t see it. That the water can be so many colours from a beautiful clear blue to a dirty brown or black depending on it’s depth, or the weather or location in the world.

When I met S, the fact he lived right by the sea was a definite attraction. Apart from the hot sex, we spend quite a bit of time walking near the sea. I say walk, sometimes it was more of a hike, but we did have some lovely picnics on the shoreline as well as walks across the cliffs.

I have dreamt of wading naked into the sea with a lover. Swimming together, having some fun splashing around then embracing and having sex. But that has never actually happened. For one I was married to a man who barely went in the sea, or at least not further than getting his feet wet. And I haven’t been in the warm sea of the Mediterranean (for example) with a lover.

The cold water around the United Kingdom holds little appeal – we would be clinging together for warmth rather than having sex. For me the sea holds a romantic appeal; walking along the sea front, eating dinner over looking a harbour. I can’t get enough of that and so it is lucky that next weekend we head off to France for a few days. We will be close to the sea, though I doubt there will be an opportunity for naked sex. Just being there will be enough for me. However I do hope that the sea will be calm. It can be less pleasant walking by the sea when it is blowing a gale and that bit of France can be a bit prone to windy weather.

The Beach View of the Sea

Living and loving life

Two weeks ago we had our first play time for, well who knows how long. Master used and abused His slave and she was rewarded with a large number of orgasms. Later that evening found the slave wearing a kind of net dress and promising that more time would be spent on display, ready for Master’s use.

When we have those conversations we completely mean them. But life isn’t just about having a kinky time, about kneeling at His feet and waiting to be given instructions on how to best provide service. Being owned, being His slave is just part of what I am and what we do. But it is always there, always in the background. I would go as far as to say that every day, whether we are together or not I remember my place and I am also clear that He does too.

Last weekend we travelled to France. I needed to check up on my apartment to make sure it had survived the holiday season (I pretty much had guests staying continuously from June to October) and to think about the things that will need doing before next year. We both had thoughts about the kinky stuff we might get up to while there, but as is often the case, things just got in the way. Things started to go slightly off course when, after dinner and wine we found ourselves in our favourite bar and jointed in the Karaoke. Master’s rendition of Que reste-t-il de nos amours (I know I had never heard of it either), will be long remembered, plus I videoed it! 

Plans for the next morning went out of the window since we woke closer to lunch time and were a ‘little’ hung over.  After a leisurely coffee we made our way to the supermarket for supplies, but since I hadn’t actually got around to checking what, other than food might be required I came away without stocking up on cleaning necessities etc. 

It was by then a beautiful sunny afternoon and warm enough to eat our lunch on the apartment balcony and then we took a stroll around the lake. The scenery was lovely, the weather beautiful. We saw flamingos and other birds, as well as plenty of autumnal plants. However as dusk fell and we found ourselves on a particularly sandy part of the Etang a combination of midges and mosquitoes hit us. We must have looked like a comedy duo as we tried to sweep them out of our hair and around our faces. Next morning, Master discovered he had been bitten badly on his head and under one eye (usually it is me who suffers in this way).

On Sunday, after a relaxing morning we headed out to visit a small and very pretty town called St Guilhem-le-Désert. Whenever we are in France, we try to visit at least one new place (for either or us or both) and this place has the remains of an old monastery surrounded by quaint shops, little alley ways and over looked by the Hérault Gorges. Sadly the day was too short to properly explore the area, but it is something to come back to. 

Monday morning and we began cleaning up. A realisation dawned that I hadn’t quite achieved what we had travelled to France for. I hadn’t replenished cleaning stocks and hadn’t done any real maintenance. We hadn’t done anything kinky, much less had sex. But we had fun and made new memories. As Master has said since we demonstrated that we are growing old disgracefully. Do you know what we are living life and we are loving it too. A successful weekend then!

A breather

We are in France, staying at my apartment in the south west of the country. If there is anywhere in the world that I can relax and throw off the concerns of daily life this is it. Whenever I come here, I am able to sleep better and for longer, I am able to forget about work and family concerns and can just be. I don’t need to stay for long, a few days is enough to allow me to soak up the atmosphere, drink some wine, eat some local food and then to head back into the real world. Luckily Master also loves this part of the world, having spent time in this area as a student and then subsequently on holiday over the years. The weather has been, to say the least changeable, and right now, while sunny it is really windy (I wouldn’t want to be on the beach or worse at sea). Shortly we are going to head out further east to try to escape this wind and to see a place neither have been to. 

On Wednesday when we arrived in France, we stayed in Carcassonne in this beautiful hotel. We had tickets for a concert and so had decided to spend the night. I ate my first pizza in months and really enjoyed it. Since I started to try to lose weight a year ago, I have been avoiding such things. But this was a real treat and I ate without guilt (I may regret it next week when I get home and on the scales, but I somehow doubt it).
The next morning we wandered around the town and explored the church and cathedral within the city centre, rather than the Cité, which is where most tourists go. Then we headed to my apartment and spent a pleasant afternoon on the balcony enjoying the sun and drinking some local wine. Yesterday we did some shopping. I have recently had a new bathroom fitted so wanted to buy some new accessories and towels. I enjoy shopping in France, seeing the different things on offer from what is available in the UK. Unlike at shopping at home, I have the time to browse, since there isn’t the pressure to get onto doing something else.  Tomorrow, something more kinky, but for today this lovely view from our hotel window in Carcassonne as I head off for my afternoon of sightseeing. 

A place to relax

I have a painting in my dining room of the place I have my apartment in France. I have my ex to thank for buying the picture and maybe when we divide everything up he will want it. It is a place we both love to go to, just not at the same time these days. I am looking forward to getting back there soon for some sun, sea and of course sex. It is a place where I immediately unwind and relax. 

My submission

Dominance and submission has been a key part of our relationship from the start, and it remains so. The relationship, which started with the intention that is mainly be around play has become something far deeper. This is a long term relationship that may well turn out to be something that defines us in our middle age. But it remains one where He is the dominant and I am the submissive. That is the undercurrent to each day of our lives, it is just the way things are. We go about our business, together or apart, but during that time we both know who we are and are mindful of our roles and what that means to the other. To Him, I am girl. I am there to be loved and cherished, but I am also there to serve him at all times. For me, He is Master and at all times not only do I want to serve, but I want Him to be proud. This is our life.

I can’t imagine that either of us wouldn’t want the D/s (or indeed M/s) that is so important to us. However, we are not one dimensional and there is far more to our life and the things we enjoy together. I don’t see our relationship failing because of that and anyway I love Him for who He is in so many ways.

The percentage of time when our interactions are rooted in D/s probably depends on where we are and whether we are together. But, since I wear His collar and cuff, and since I try as part of my contract to think about my place as His slave I would say that for most of each day I know where our relationship stems from. As a woman in her fifties, as a woman who has discovered her sexuality later in life than many, I have to say that I embrace my place as His slave. For me, there are constant reminders which mean that at least 90% of my time is in truth embedded in my relationship with Him. Embedded in the fact that I am this girl; His slave.

The photo below was taken last summer. As usual I wore no underwear and when He demanded to see His property I did so. Mind you, at the same time it appears, I was filing my nails!

It’s been a week

A week since my last post and almost a week since I laid eyes on Master, even on Skype. We have chatted on the phone and there have been texts, but it isn’t the same.

I have been away in France; I took my mum who needed a break from the monotony of home and some company. As Master reminded me when she was stressing me out, I was doing something that was a good thing. She and I have never had an easy relationship, partly because of the way she wants to control everything that those around her do. I always struggled that, because, I thought I wanted to be the one in control. I am no longer sure that is really the case, I just resented the way she wanted to control me.

In general it has been a calm and relaxing time. We have managed to catch some rays of sun, which were lacking here in the UK before we left. But, her lack of mobility since her hip fracture is a real worry, and what is worse, is that she really seems to have no desire to regain it. She seems happy to have people  me and my brothers running around after her.

The trouble is we are not always around and then she seems to get bitter about the lack of help. The other problem is that there are very few other people who are involved regularly in her life, us, the grandchildren and one neighbour. She has alienated people over recent years, and somehow seems to expect more from them than she has given back. If I didn’t have the life I have with Master I fear I would give in and spend half of my life running around after her, getting ever more bitter about how my life was. Then, who knows I would wake up one day and find I had become her!

The absence from Master has been challenging. I have had enough to fill my time, and it isn’t that I have been pining or anything, it is just that I have missed him and the contact we usually have. He was a great help when I was really stressed on Thursday. I was tired, mum was tired and the weekend seemed to stretch ahead of me. Just a few texts was enough to get me back into the right frame of mind. But texts and a phone call while walking through a french village is not the same. I need to see his face now, I need to listen to his voice now. I need to touch him.

It is at times like this that I begin to doubt myself and him. Has he missed me, does he need to see, hear and touch me? Is he busy in his own world and so has little for me right now? Stupid and irrational thoughts, but sometimes it is just too easy to let your mind work over time. It isn’t the physical side of life I need him for. I am well able to care for myself (and my mum if necessary),  but I do need the emotional support.

Last night, after returning home, I had hoped we would chat. I tried calling on Skype, though I had an idea he was offline (he always shows as away). I didn’t feel the urge to beg for a chat, so just went to bed. This morning though I know I could have done with that contact. Hopefully later this evening.

Getting away

There is something about being away from home, in a foreign land that is just so relaxing. There are few things that cause stress these days, but they are ever present in the home environment. Essentially they revolve around the ex-hubby, my mum and work. They are unavoidable things, well the last two definitely are and I am working on the first one.

The day time here is warm, around 18c, though the evenings are cool. We have been able to get out and do a bit of the tourist thing, and we have been able to picnic by the side of a french canal. A slight oversight on my part, meant that today I managed to forget the picnic plates and cups and we were forced to drink wine from the bottle!

But I did make Master’s day, when I needed to pee and did so in full view of Him. He photographed it, but perhaps it didn’t come out? The next time we go away together it will be for longer and should be warmer. I will be able (well will be expected) to wear more accessible clothing (no trousers), however this time I did expose my tits for Him. Luckily in France on a Monday in early March you are likely to encounter few tourists.

Otherwise this weekend we have relaxed, eaten some nice food and enjoyed some good wine. We will travel home tomorrow, but have one more night and one more morning to spend time together in bed.

I am aware of the whole questions and answers in March thing and do intend to join in. Just recovering first from February photofest!

France

So, here we are in the south of France. It’s a tad cold right now, so tonight’s dinner for me was a lovely Ragout and for Master, Spaghetti Carbonara. With some local red wine, of course. I would have let you see a photo of my pudding, the house peach gateau but I ate it before I thought things through.

So this is 28th February and this is my 28th February photofest picture. It has been fun, if a little tricky at times to work out quite what to post. 
I will try to post as much as possible during March, but I can’t guarantee so many photos. 
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