Role play

i have always had something of a vivid imagination, so the fact that Sir does too and that He likes to play those fantasies out is a real turn on for me. On the first night we chatted, we role played a scene where i was an estate agent, coming to value his house and somehow we ended up going out for dinner. He loves the idea of a woman in a business suit, featuring a white blouse, wearing  black underwear, stockings, suspenders underneath. He loves high heels. That first time that was what i was wearing for dinner in our fantasy.

Since then, i have been a maid, a prostitute, a woman pulling a man at the airport and much more. Last weekend i was a religious woman who only knew of the missionary position for sex until she read 50 shades of grey. This had opened up a myriad of possibilities for her.

The black skirt and cream blouse would have suggested nothing if not combined with seamed stockings and shiny black heels. She knocked on the strangers door just as the bells rang for Sunday worship. She should have been there not here, but she had seen this man before and actually she wanted to know him better. He was a sole that she though could be saved. She had heard that he had a number of weaknesses that could be fixed. So here she was.

He invited her in. It was a cold morning and he was very friendly and definitely a humble soul who admitted he had sins which required forgiveness. Of course he wasn’t fooled. One moment she was sitting timidly on a chair in his living room, the next she was on her knees sucking His cock and the very next, bending over being spanked. Perhaps the lack of knickers were the give away, but then how did he quite get his hand up her skirt without her running away? Rather than being a turn off, the feeling of his bare hand on her bottom was a massive turn on. She felt sure that any moment the juices erupting from her pussy would run down her leg. His wonderful fingers found her clit and brought her within moments of a beautiful orgasm. Just as she was going to ask him to carry on, she felt His very hard, very big cock inside her.

 “Oh my” she thought. “This is what i have longed for”
Instead she protested (rather weakly). He told her He thought that she was in fact a slut who was loving it. Of course that was exactly what she was.

Next He was pushing into that forbidden place. First with his fingers, which felt rather arousing, and then He was pushing that big cock into her. She tried to protest, but actually it just made her clit and her pussy throb all the more. Actually this was what she wanted. And He knew it. 

She had been found out. Rather than being the pious soul she had proported to be she was in fact a wanton slut who had knocked on a strangers door hoping for sex of the kinkiest kind. What is more she had got just what she needed.

As she left His house she noticed the church bells were silent. she hoped no one had noticed her absence this morning!

Simple pleasures – with a hint of kink

One of the most satisfying things you can do for your man is to prepare and serve him a meal. Although we have been seeing each other for 6 months and have done many things together, until this week i had never done this. He is usually the one to cook for me because i am the one who often travels to see him, also i do all the cooking at home and He likes to make a point that being with Him is different. On Thursday though, i was able to arrive at his house quite a time before he was arriving home from work and so i offered to cook him dinner.

Traffic was pretty good that evening, so i arrived in pretty good time and headed to the local supermarket for supplies. Then with the lasagna prepared (chosen because it could be prepared in advance and popped into the oven while we got reacquainted) i went upstairs to get myself ready. New seamed stockings – no ladders, heels, some very naughty crotchless panties and my new purchase a cupless bra (not sure if you call it that). I am fascinated to know why it is, that the price of an item of clothing is inversely proportional to the amount of fabric contained within it. However it enabled me to show off my ample bosom nicely. i think he agreed, because he couldn’t stop sucking my nipples and touching my tits when he arrived home.

With dinner in the oven, we played out a scene that we had planned – He had arrived to fix a leaking pipe in my bathroom, i was a housewife whose dressing gown did nothing to hide her slutty nature. i perched on the bath, legs open, revealing my pussy to Him. The pipe was already leaking less than me as i became increasingly wet, much to his pleasure when he ran his hand up my stockings and felt my newly shaved pussy. It had only been a week since he had last touched me there, but it already felt like an age. I melted to his touch and my knees wobbled under the strain of those high heels. In no time at all, i was on all fours on the bed. As he pushed his cock into my arse, there was a remote controlled egg buzzing away inside my cunt and attached to my clit was a clamp. i almost came with the overload of sensations alone! We always get off to a quick start when we are together but this pretty much beat the lot!

So, after a very brief rest, we ate dinner, He was suitably complimentary, and watched some TV. It was great to be together, to enjoy the simple pleasures that people enjoy when they are together more of the time. Back up in bed after dinner, things were less intense, more intimate. We were both tired after our day at work and we had a pretty early night because of that. What is more i had to get up and leave early yesterday morning to get to the place i was going with work. We were together for less than 12 hours, but i can tell you it was worth every second of it. I still have a smile on my face!

The girl above is obviously not me, she is too thin and her hair too red, though i once had hair that was quite red. The bra is similar to this in its colour, and the effect on her boobs is similar. Maybe i’ll get Him to take a real picture for me next time!

30 Days of Submission – Days 18 and 19

Time for days and 18 and 19 of submission. This series is feeling longer than it did at the beginning, not that i am sure why i didn’t realise this since 30 days is pretty much a month. Any case doing them 2 at a time seems pretty sensible right now!

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Lots of discussion and planning goes into deciding on what we might / will do together. During these planning times i freely express what i desire and or need. We play out scenes, or just discuss what will happen. If we are playing out a scene online for example, then He will take the lead as he would if it were happening in real time, but there will be more discussion. On one side i may suggest something and he will pick it up and follow through, or else he may gently push me so that my limits have changed by the next time we meet. 

We don’t have the kind of relationship where by he is telling me what to do all day, often we don’t communicate for a few days, then at other times there will be emails, texts or be will chat on yahoo messenger. We have settled into this routine and i think it suits us right now.  

How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

i don’t have anyone within my everyday life in whom i can discuss my submission or any other part of the relationship with Sir. This is why blogging has been such an amazing revelation to me. I love finding out what my fellow bloggers are up to, contributing to their blogs and having everyone visit here and leave their thoughts and comments. 

I have had a few online chats with people i have met on fetlife and through blogging and that definitely helps. Friendships develop over time, not over night, but i expect these to develop a bit more over time. i have to be careful contributing to online discussions on fetlife, since on some forums people are very judgemental about relationships which take place outside of marriage (if one or both of the parties are married to another). 

i haven’t been to any munches etc, and would be nervous to go to such events on my own. i think Sir and i might go to them together if it wasn’t for the fact that we live a bit too far apart. At present i can live with the lack of social input, but i think that in the future i would like that to change. Discussing TTWD is one thing, and discussing the fact that this is conducted outside of my marriage is something else. Putting the two together might be a step too far. 

Humiliation part one – the pick up

The journey was a hot one, a sunny day, the weather very warm. Her car, almost 8 years old was without air conditioning. It wasn’t just the heat of the day though, the anticipation of what was to come added to the wetness which surrounded her lower body. The traffic was heavy, the road notorious for hold ups. The constant stopping and starting just added to the feelings of anticipation, after all, she was pretty eager to arrive.

The airport car park was busy, but finally she found a space on the 4th floor. Gathering her bag, and changing from flat sandals to heels she walked towards the lifts and the terminal building.

First stop was the ladies toilets. She needed to change from her sticky work clothes into something less heavy. Something short, something suitable for the occasion. Locking the cubicle door behind her she hung her bag from the hook on the wall and stripped off her skirt, top and bra (she was wearing no panties). She let all but the bra fall to the floor. Putting the bra inside the bag, she took out some stockings and a suspender belt bag and perched on the toilet. The stockings were smooth to the touch as she put them on. Running her hands up her legs, she shuddered slightly thinking about what was to come. Standing up in just stockings and shoes she set about attaching the suspender belt to the tops of the stockings. Lastly she took the little blue dress, and pulled it over her head, pulling it down to just below the tops of her stockings. She gathered up the work clothes and put them into her bag before emerging from the cubicle she headed towards the washbasins to apply her make up.

The airport had two terminals and she knew she was in the wrong one. She headed towards the monorail that connects them. She was excited, thrilled by what was about to happen, but at the same time nervous. Her dress was short, only just covering her bare newly shaved pussy, the air conditioning within the building made her feel cool for the first time in hours even though heat permeated from that area of her body.

The people around her were mainly casually dressed. Travel clothes, loose, cool. Some wore trousers, others shorts. No one appeared to be wearing heels, stockings. She wondered if anyone would look at her and notice. But actually no one appeared to. 

Within minutes she emerged from the train, along with a throng  of holiday makers with their heavy suitcases and strolled along the moving walkway towards her destiny. She reached a junction and rather than walk towards the check in desks as the people with suitcases did she took the route towards the arrivals hall.

This area was quieter than the monorail or the departure area and contained a number of coffee shops and other retail outlook. Ahead was a set of stairs, she climbed them slowly, but purposefully, mindful that a workman in a fluorescent jacket was standing within view and that there was a good chance he might be able to see up her short dress.

The coffee shop seating area was empty except for one man who was seated at the back by the wall. He glanced up over his reading glasses as she walked towards the counter and their eyes met. He was a smart looking traveller; wearing a light brown linen suit and a patterned silk shirt. This looked like an opportunity.

She bought a bottle of sparkling water from the counter, then taking the bottle and a glass walked to an adjacent seating area and sat down on the padded black seat. Having poured the water, she took a sip and looked across. He was looking at her. She looked down at her legs and pulled her dress up slightly so he could see her stocking tops and opened her legs a little, leaving him with no doubt what kind of a girl she was and what he could expect from her.

The minutes passed, she observed a group of airport police, complete with guns and a dog. Thinking she had better be less obvious. She swapped chairs thinking that this would give him a better view, without any chance of the police noticing but then found that the chairs in front of her prevented this. She also noticed that she was in full view of what seemed to be a staff room; she moved back. She didn’t want to expose herself to them while hiding herself from her target.

She finished her drink, gathered her belongings and headed back down the stairs. Glancing behind she was pleased to see he was behind her. Back through the airport, a  short stop in the book shop, he was behind her all the way. Just before the monorail she stopped and he stopped right behind her. She asked him if he was following her and he smiled a lovely smile and agreed he was. He offered her a small cloth bag which he said she had left behind. Actually she hadn’t but looking inside and seeing an array of adult toys she took the bag and agreed that indeed she had left it in the cafe.

Standing waiting for the train she felt a hand touching her leg, it travelled up her stocking top and briefly touched her bare bottom. She shivered with excitement enjoying the touch of his hand, before remembering that this was crowded place and that she didn’t know this man and moving forward slightly. The train arrived and she stood facing the exit door. She could feel him standing close, his hands lifting her dress. Moisture erupted from her pussy as a cool breeze swept across her backside. She shook him off before edging back towards him for more. She wanted and needed this man and he seemed to want her,

She walked towards the lift to the car park and he followed. Inside the lift they were alone, they faced each other. Now he took her in his arms, kissed her and put his hands openly up her dress and felt her hot wet pussy. He asked her what she was at the airport for. She told him truthfully that she was there to find a man and he was the one. He told her he was a traveller and that he had been in a remote place where sexy women were far and few between. She observed his small rucksack and thought this unlikely.

They got into the front seats of the car, she in the driver seat, since this was her car and he again touched what would very soon become rightfully his. She was already close to the edge, could easily have cum there and then. But he took his hand away and instead undid the zip on his trousers. It was obvious what he wanted and she was happy to oblige.

In the middle of the 4th floor of the car park she leaned down and took his large, hard, smooth cock in her mouth.

As the fog of emotion clears

It has taken me a few days to get my brain back into gear, not that i have been a gibbering wreck you understand. Far from it. But it has been hard to separate out the actual events of the weekend with the emotions that went with it.

Yesterday i updated  my journey page, and maybe that has helped a little. Plus there is now distance between myself and the actual events, not to mention that Sir and i have replayed some of the events a few times.

On Monday i was a little anxious, since i felt really down. i couldn’t understand why i felt just so bad when i had felt fine the day before. But then i realised it had nothing to do with any kind of subdrop but was merely PMT. i felt a complete idiot!

So thinking back on events, what is really clear is that from the moment i arrive and enter Sir’s house, pretty much until i leave to come home, i am ready. Ready to wear what He wants, ready to be in the position He wants, ready to take His cock in any way he wishes. i also spend pretty much the whole time on the edge of an orgasm, what is more, this time i got so turned on that he was able to make me orgasm by nibbling my ear! A first for us both!

i am not usually all that keen on dressing up in sexy lingerie for the benefit of a man, but with Sir it is something that is not only expected, but also something i love to do. i never imagined i would sleep in stockings, i never imagined one of the first things i would do in the morning would be to put on a pair of heels. i never imagined i would want, need even to have anal sex so many times in a single weekend and love every moment. i never imagined i would be able to take Sir’s cock quite so deep into my mouth without gagging. As Sir says i am doing well with my training.

Long may it continue!

A few reflections

The weekend was wonderful, the longest we have spent together, a special time. I am going to need more time to be able to write some coherent thoughts. For a start, I am quite tired. There wasn’t loads of time spent asleep, also while I feel really happy about all that we did, all that was said and done, my general mood today is low. Rather than be happy for what I have I want to cry for what I don’t have. This morning I am not with Sir and there is nowhere right now I would rather be.

Just as a taster, and so I don’t forget what I need to write about on here (as if I will), here are a few highlights. Arriving, being collared, and put in handcuffs (a new addition to the repertoire). Those wonderful minutes post waking when I had Sir’s cock in my mouth, Sir waking me yesterday with his fingers on my clit, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, wow! Then there was the outside stuff, the lovely long walk on Saturday, on what appears to have been the first day of the British summer proper! Sir showed me the beautiful area within which he lives, walking on top of the cliffs looking at the wonderful views, then a picnic on the beach was just perfect. Then the humiliating walk I took late that night, along the sea front, dressed as a slut in very short skirt, barely covering my stocking tops, the crotchless thong not covering my backside one bit. Taking Sir’s cock in my mouth, in a seaside shelter, while cars passed us on the road behind and one or two people walked along the seafront.

The trouble with having such a wonderful time is that you just want more of it. Right now I am struggling to work out quite how to get it and that is getting in the way of my happy thoughts. Give me a few hours back at work to put things back into perspective and I am sure I can put anything negative aside and really reflect on the good.

More later.

Humiliation

There are one or two blog posts around today covering humiliation as a topic. Aisha has a wonderful poem in her post on the subject and sin has been talking about things that are humiliating but within the limits of what  is ok and those that were outside those limits but are now not.

One of the things i learn about myself is that the limits i thought i had, the things i thought humiliating now aren’t.

Many people hate being called a whore or a slut. I also hate these terms when used by people other than Sir and perhaps even by Sir when used out of context. But when he knows i am not wearing underwear and he calls me a slut, i love it. When we talk about my love of anal sex and he calls me a whore i love that too.

On our very first date, on that first night. i dressed in a short skirt, which only just covered my stockings and suspenders. i wore black heeled shoes that i could barely walk in and i walked into a bar and ordered a drink. i sat at a table and waited until Sir who i had barely met in person came into the bar and asked to join me. He had us move to another table with lower chairs where he could observe and touch me more easily and then we tried to engage in normal ‘we’ve just met and are just having a chat’ conversation while he ran his hand up my stocking top in pretty much full view of the bar.

This was humiliating, sir told me later that i was a slut for doing it, but i loved it. The whole time experiencing a combination of blind panic and amazing exhilaration.

My favourite thing about my journey into this new lifestyle is the way in which i am discovering so much more about me. It is a journey that i never expected but which i am just loving!

Dear SIR

So today i head off to Barcelona for the weekend with hubby, my brother and his girlfriend, it feels like a good time to tell you that i have been writing this blog. You will have received the url in an email and i hope you read it. By doing so i hope that you can tell, if you didn’t know already that meeting you has had a profound effect on me and on my life. i just want to say, Sir, that i couldn’t be more glad that i stumbled across you on that particular chat site. That we played out that scene that night, that we chatted on the phone and that i was brave enough to turn up when we arranged to meet. In 3 short months you have helped me to find a completely different side to myself.

i started writing this blog soon after, as a place to write about myself and the person i hoped to become. i hope you will agree that with your help i am well on that journey. Who would have believed that i would become such a slut, and what is more your slut!

As you know i would give anything to be heading away for the weekend with you, but rest assured i will be thinking about you and about the wonderful things we do together, the amazing way you make me feel and will be looking forward to us being together for at least a whole night later this month.

With all of my love Sir,
Joolz xxx

More Saturday thoughts

It’s been a busy day, but everything i have done today has been filled with thoughts of Monday.

Yesterday we chatted on the phone. Indeed we didn’t just chat, Sir made me come in the office of my Director. As He reminded me, i have come a long way since we met 3 months ago. We had chatted via Yahoo for a few minutes, with Sir pressing me further and further within the confines of my office to first spread my legs then to touch myself. The office is open plan, but Friday is comparatively quiet, so i had just one person next to me, though people behind and in front.  Then he phoned. He and i knew i had somewhere to take the call. I was pretty excited, since i haven’t even touched myself in two whole weeks by this time.

As we talked, Sir had me touch myself; i stood behind the closed door to do so. We talked about what we will do on Monday and what we have done before. i came easily (who wouldn’t given the restraint i have offered over the last two weeks).

Sir has apparently bought me a present for Monday, but won’t say what it is.
i have bought the remote controlled egg.

Such potential fun means that apprehension and tension is high!

So during ironing, shopping, lunch with hubby,  a walk by a canal with hubby, home for a couple of hours, tea with the inlaws then a tortuous wimbledon match involving Andy Murray, and the drive involved in getting to a from these places, all involve me thinking about Monday.  What is more i am handed the anxiety of a potential wet day on Tuesday and the thought that i may have to bring Sir here rather than enjoy outside fun.

Sir went shopping

He told me online last night that he had been shopping, buying things for me. i felt really excited when he told me this as people rarely buy me things when it isn’t my birthday or something. i knew he had been looking for lingerie that he wanted me in as he showed me some stylish red underwear on Sunday, and he asked me for my vital size as he called it. While we were chatting he was disappointed because the red bra in my size was out of stock. Now he has been to a shop, in his lunch hour. He has been thinking of me, while in a shop in his lunch hour and he has bought me lingerie.

He started off saying it was a surprise, but then sent me to the links. It is stylish, but not red. One set is black, the other white; yes, there are two sets and one black suspender belt. The stockings are my department (how i laughed at that, i am tall and he knows i struggle to get them long enough!).

i was feeling tired last night. i woke really early for the second day in a row (5am is no joke) and i had to do an evening focus group with people who have recently had cancer (that is part of my job). The focus group was interesting, but it was draining. Even though i have worked in healthcare for a very long time, their stories are difficult to hear. Often good stories about their care, yes. But also stories of when people are just too busy, stories of when people just don’t think before they open their mouths. But also stories of the pain that goes with having cancer or being the significant other of that person.

i had also been thinking about Sir much of the day. Thinking because we are seeing each other Friday. i am taking a half day (time owing as i have another focus group Thursday), but i haven’t set up my excuse for being late with hubby, haven’t actually told him yet. i was wondering on my way home, about the whole idea of travelling so far for a few hours of fun and games when i will be tired. i was wondering if i am just crazy or something.

But then, after a late dinner, knocked together while hubby sat glued to two foreign teams playing football, i made myself go online and chat to Sir. i was rewarded by feelings of care, generosity, thoughtfullness and of course ulterior motive. i was suddenly less tired, less weary. Instead i was wet, turned on by his words and by his enthusiasm. This i thought is a man who cares, who wants to see me, and because of that i will throw off the thoughts of the day and i will go to him on Friday afternoon, for as long as we have together. It is going to be great fun.