365 days – 20th January

What is the hardest thing you are dealing with?

In comparison with some other times of my life nothing is so hard at the moment. In myself I am happier than I have been so often in the past. My job is going well and though I am busy I am getting recognition for the things I am doing.

Without wanting to tempt fate, my mum’s health is good and though lonely, she is coping with her life without my dad. She is considering downsizing and also thinking about making that move to be nearer to my brother. He lives in an area where housing prices are lower since it is further away from London.

I am enjoying my time at my slimming club and have made friends there. I need to focus much more on actually losing some more weight, but it is not a massive deal. I plan to explore becoming a slimming consultant, and wonder whether ultimately that might be the part time job I need on top of my NHS pension, but we shall see.

Master and I are approaching our 3 year anniversary and things are going well. We admit we need to explore our kinky life a little more, and will try to make 2017 the year for that. I want to develop my blog and have my own domain and WordPress installed but am struggling with moving everything over. I need to spend some time and learn a bit about that side of things. Then I want to try to write some fiction. I am hoping our trip to Eroticon will help with those things. I think perhaps that is the hardest thing and since that isn’t really so bad, I have very little to worry about!

Argentinian chorizo

I am not even sure they make chorizo in Argentina, but Master’s dream about it on Thursday night / Friday morning has been the joke of our weekend.

We don’t usually spend Thursday night together, but because Friday was going to be spent working on my house, starting our weekend early seemed a good idea. I cooked us a shepherds pie, good comfort food for early December and we enjoyed it with a little bit too much wine (We I never learn).
Early on Friday morning, as I lay awake much earlier than I wanted or needed, he suddenly grabbed my hand and placed it on his hard cock. I lay holding it, surprised by it’s size and the way it throbbed without me actually doing very much. Happily for me, it also lulled me into a nice sleep and when I woke properly some time later, I felt more refreshed than I had expected. Master asked me if I knew why he had been dreaming about Argentinian chorizo since pork is not something they eat much of. I suggested that the dream might have something to do with the fact he had wanted me to hold his hard cock!
The morning was busy for us both. I went off to my slimming club (for some less than good news) and then on to the DIY shop for screws and door fixings and then to the supermarket. Master in turn got on with starting the task of removing the old doors in the downstairs of my house and hanging new ones. While I was out my brother and his partner arrived to help (well he was there to help).
The rest of the day passed with Master and my brother working together on the doors and me spending time with his girlfriend and intermittently providing food and drink. Things, as usual didn’t go entirely to plan, but in the end I have my new doors in place, more modern they will definitely give the right impression to people viewing the house when I come to sell. I was happy to see and hear how well the two men got on together, seeing as they don’t know each other well. The day was fun and relaxed. Later we went out for dinner and drinks. While my brother would have loved to have stayed over and continue things into the night, his girlfriend was keen to get off home.
Once they had gone, and we had enjoyed a pre-bed time G&T we headed off to bed. Master was slightly euphoric from his exertions during the day, the male camaraderie of the day along with the combination of wine, after dinner brandy and then gin.
I was expecting sleep, but Master had other ideas and the result was my Sinful Sunday photo and some very lovely orgasms. Plus, I got to experience the Argentinian chorizo in it’s full glory, this time inside my throbbing cunt.
So ended part one of the weekend.

Looking back, looking forwards

From time to time I have a look back at what I might have written this week or month in previous years on this blog. This morning, prompted by a photo of my then very old and now deceased and Renault Clio’s odometer passing the 100,000 mile mark, I looked back on the Blog to this week in 2012.

I started to write a retrospective post, but struggled. Did I really want to look back an re live what I was feeling then? The negativity of that period shone through with abundance. My ex was a very negative figure in my life during that period, but actually so was S my so called Dom at that time. At the same time, I was given notice that I would potentially lose my job at the end of that financial year.

I did lose my job,  but the sky did not fall on me, I have a better, more well paid job now. S and I limped along for quite some time after, but if I look back on the blog posts at the time and subsequently it was clear to see that it would never work. At the time, it might have seemed that I was giving up 30 years of marriage for something that S would never offer me, and of course did not. As for hubby, well there was a whole lot of negativity to some, not least the weekend in Germany when it subsequently transpired that he met his now partner. Not that he has ever accepted to me that is what and who she is.

Sadly it is around Christmas 2012 that I can trace a change in my relationship with my son, who I had previously been so close to. I failed to understand that I needed to be open with him about the change in my relationship with his dad, but hopefully conversations since then have helped him to understand life is not quite that simple.

It was to be another year before Master and I encountered each other online and subsequently met in real life. But the signs of my need for this kind of relationship was there.

Whatever other mistakes I have made in my life, I know that while it is important to recognise where you have come from, it is much more important to understand where you are going.

Look back briefly, but keep your eyes on the future.

This weekend my son and his girlfriend started with us, as they prepare to move into their own home and I continue to prepare to leave, this our family home after over 25 years. It is time to look forward and not back. It is easy to reminisce but to be frank I don’t think I will be writing about the past too much any more.

It’s been over a month

Since my last post.

I feel kind of ashamed that I am not posting regularly. I visit often, I read the blogs on my blog list but for one reason or another haven’t felt inclined to post here.
Why is that? 
Well it isn’t because I have stopped being Master’s slave. No matter how vanilla our lives are, I am still His collared slave.  He welcomes my input into how our life together runs, but is always in control and in charge. 
To be honest there isn’t much kink, but that is mainly because we have been so busy. We have been working together to get my house ready for the sale and then last week we were on a much needed holiday which we spent staying on a narrow boat. 
We intend to get the kinky side of our relationship back on track soon. But we have more painting and sorting out to do yet. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it still seems to be far in the distance.
Master suggested I should post more of our everyday life here while we are getting the kinky side back on track.
Maybe, just maybe that is the answer.
Meantime. this:
His photo of me, altered on his photography app. This is quite cute don’t you think?

The green light

At last it seems that progress has been made. This morning while I was making my morning tea and getting my breakfast ready a text came through from hubby telling me he was ready to get the house valued. In fact he seemed keen to put it up for sale more quickly than I do. There are a few bits of decorating and some more decluttering to be done first. I believe that these will maximise the sale price and also mean there is less to do before I move out. 

This weekend Master and I put up a new light in the dining room. It has been sitting around waiting to be installed for over 2 years and having been let down by my brother a number of times it is now fixed and looks great. I have also cleared out some old papers (the shredding machine was working overtime) and also filled up my garden waste bin with weeds and shrub branches ready for the collection on Wednesday. 
Now I feel I have the green light for a proper structured programme of work over the summer months. Some times can be done after work, others will be weekend projects. I also plan to contact a plasterer in the next few days as the hall, stairs and landing is badly in need of some attention. 
At last though it feels something will really happen. At last he is ready to move on. 
As far as I am concerned there is no stalling and no turning back from here on.

W is for……..

Phew, the end is in sight and I have actually reached W. My kinky word today is Watersports, and the non kinky one is Wishes

I know watersports, or play that involves urine, is not for everyone. It is not something we indulge in frequently but I have to admit that it is a kink that both of us are turned on by. Master didn’t force me into this, he didn’t push my limits, instead I owned up to it.
Given my nursing career, I am not really bothered by most bodily fluids. Heaven knows I spent quite a bit of time in my late teens and early 20’s up to my elbows in them. However, putting up with blood, vomit, urine, pus and shit are different from enjoying doing so. To be frank I am a little more squeamish these days, and would prefer not to be involved with any of the above for work purposes. I have an office job and that suits me fine. Scat would be a limit for me, but it doesn’t need to be since I don’t think Master is particularly interested (though accidents happen). Urinating on each other though, well that is something different. 
It is hard to explain, but rather than being turned off by pee, I am kind of weirdly fascinated by excreting it myself.Whether it is the colour, volume etc. I also have to admit that I quite like the feeling of Master’s hot piss being sprayed over me. Perhaps it is the whole humiliation and degradation thing. Perhaps it is the fact that most people would find it weird and disgusting, I don’t know. To be frank it is not something I have thought much about, but if he wants me to pee on him, or he on me I am cool with that. I am not keen however to have it in my mouth. Luckily he has never asked and I do hope I don’t have to consider it, given my slave status.
I have written a lot on this blog about my past and about the present. All along I have detailed my frustrations with the situation I continue to live with when it comes to the relationship with my estranged hubby. This ongoing situation remains frustrating, but I am focused now on the future. I have started the process of decluttering the house and will soon embark on a few small projects to prepare for the sale. I recognise that this is probably the only way to move things forward. 
I plan to move in with Master and share his home with him. I plan to invest the proceeds of my portion of the house sale and to prepare to reduce my work commitments so we can travel more and generally enjoy our life together. 
My wish for the future is that I live my life to the full. That I have fun and that I enjoy myself. I wish to be able to embrace my submission and live as Master’s slave full time. My wishes involve prioritising us as a couple and him as my Master. I don’t think that is to much to wish for.

Reflecting on days gone by

Master and I have just returned from a night away. We didn’t travel far, just 25 miles or so to the area I grew up in. We had arranged an evening out with my two brothers and their partners, and on the spur of the moment we decided to stay over in the same hotel as the elder of my two brothers who lives a bit further away.

Near to my home town is a market town which is purported to be the resting place of King Harold. It is a place where my nan lived and that I have many happy memories of. We visited the church, a former Abbey apparently 3 times the size it is now. When my son was little and my grandmother lived in the middle of town, I visited often. We would walk around the church and in the gardens that she loved so much. We would go and look at the swans and ducks on the river and she would reminisce about life there during the war and since. It is 17 years ago this summer since she died, but as I walked around the church and gardens yesterday it was as if she was there with me. 
Later we had a lovely meal with my brothers. It would have been better if the music had been less loud. It was a shame, since the old tunes which the live artist sang were just the kind of thing my nan would have loved. What is more she would have been up and dancing given half a chance. 
As you can see from the photo, the weather could have been a little better!

Updating on things

The past couple of weeks were a little troublesome.  There is a need to get on with things relating to the past relationship and in selling the house. After this post, a conversation then meeting with my son took place and he made it clear that he felt closure was needed. The idea of being given life and relationship advice by a 25 year old was to say the least interesting. But I did take it on board. Funnily enough this has coincided with some of the challenging interactions with Master and of course they are likely as not linked.

There are some things to be done in the house before it can be sold and these started this week. It could be 7 or 8 years since we replaced the bathroom, but until this weekend the bath had no side panel. According to my mum it one of the things that my dad used to complain about, when they visited, directly linked in his mind to the lack of effort my ex put in to looking after the house. He was right, hubby didn’t do those simple things, in this case because cutting around a few pipes was difficult. On Saturday we went to the hardware store, bought what was needed and he cut out the bits that were necessary. It looks amazing and I feel stupid that this wasn’t done before.
Next Friday I am meeting the ex to discuss time frames for selling the house. The need to get on with things grows in me. I want to sell up and start the next episode of my life.
Master and his girl discussed the arguments that have taken place over recent weeks and agreed that these are trivial and unnecessary.
We had a mostly relaxing time but that time was interspersed with time where this girl wore her bitch collar, was without underwear and at times was naked. There were a lot of orgasms and there was some pretty good sex. 
More importantly though, there was time for submission. For a reaffirmation of what was important in this relationship. 
We are moving towards a 24/7 dynamic and over the coming months while things are sorted here, we will confirm what that looks and feels like. 
Today we went out with my family for my brothers birthday, it was happy and fun. All in all right now this slave is one happy slave. As for the week ahead, mindfulness is needed to make sure that the arguments of the past weeks are behind us and we are moving ahead to our goal.

Feet

Feet can be sexy. But even in their sexiness they can be painful.

We had the most amazing time in Spain last Easter, but too much walking can result in some very swollen and painful feet.

The good thing about this though is that when both of you have spent too long on your feet, you might realise that you need some down time and that time might involve a prolonged period of time in bed and then just ‘pottering around’.

There is no evidence of the pottering, but there is some evidence of the feet!

365 questions – January 30h

My house is a home because……….

I have lived here for almost 25 years and it is a place where I brought up my son. It has been a family home and it contains the remnants of that life. It contains possessions and memories of the  parts of my marriage that were happy, of family life with hubby and my son and of my parents, brothers and their families.

These days it has a different feel. It is more tidy and it is in essence my place. I value it also because it can’t remain my home for ever. Indeed for all that much longer.

While I remain here it will continue to be home. Eventually I will have to move on and make home somewhere else. Until then………….