I’m behind with the Blogging A-Z but determined to catch up and finish. So, I’m covering another two topics today. These are really polar opposites to each other. There are just two categories on my blog beginning with U, the other being Underwear. Vanilla Family Life is the only one beginning with V.
This category denotes the times I am and have been used for Master’s pleasure. He’ll say “I need to warm myself up inside you” For example. Or will instruct me to kneel and suck his cock. Instructions and commands actually turn me on. I like to be used and to be of service to him. It puts me in to my submissive state and reaffirms that I am his slave.
Our libido has been low this past few weeks. So the times I have been used sexually have reduced. There are also days when we both have things we want or need to do. But I always know that he can decided this is the moment, at any time. Our sex usually takes place in the morning, this is the best time for him. If we have sex at night it’s usually because we’ve both had a drink or 5. At those times I really am at my most submissive, but memories tend to be hazy the next day. So, mornings are best for sexual use.
Vanilla Family Life
There have been times during the life of this blog that I have had nothing sexy or kinky I’ve wanted to talk about. Times when I’ve needed to concentrate on family more than I’d probably like. Other times there have been family events – weddings, Christmas etc, that I’ve talked about on here.
I made a decision at the beginning of the blog that I would write about anything that took my fancy. That I’d use it as a kind of journal. So that means you get a variety of information out of me. I find it useful to write about different things and then later to be able to look back and see what I had to say. No doubt this category, though not used very frequently will continue to be a feature.
It’s catchup week on Food 4 Thought and what better time to think about these things than at Christmas. A time of indulgence, being a bit naughty and doing nice things. The worst of this year’s Christmas indulgence is behind me as I write this. But, that means I have the opportunity to think ahead.
I’ve been eating things that I had excluded from my diet (chocolate, pastry, the key lime pie I ate on Christmas Eve). I’ve been drinking a little too much alcohol for a couple of weeks now (since our trip to Amsterdam). I’m an all or nothing person when it comes to those kinds of indulgences. But actually it’s all part of living life to the full while trying to make more health choices.
Staying with my mum wasn’t an indulgence of any kind. She refuses to moderate her smoking habit in our presence, insists on watching rubbish on TV and picks a fight if and when she can. So, that meant that when we arrived at our hotel just and hour away, on Boxing Day afternoon I embraced the atmosphere. It wasn’t anywhere special, just comfortable, relaxed and friendly. Everything we had been missing over the previous two. We had already had an early lunch with my son and his wife and now had some down time. We could have headed to the room and slept or maybe indulged in some sex. But no, we just relaxed in the bar and enjoyed our own company and the enjoyment of those around us.
Later we walked to my daughter in law’s parents house and were warmly welcomed. They were fabulous hosts and we had an amazing time. All of my stresses of the previous 5 days or so were swept away.
That night as I lay in bed, it occurred to me that you don’t need to spend lots of money or be somewhere luxurious to feel indulged. Plus that one good day can help undo many bad ones.
Goodness we’ve had some great fun this year. We’ve stayed in a couple of kinky B&B places (in the UK and in Amsterdam). We’ve been to club events and we’ve made some new kinky friends. We also attended Eroticon and were able to meet up with many more people from the blog and twitter world. I’ll write more about that in a separate post.
We have great naughty stuff to look forward to too. A different club to attend in January – it’s time to spread our BDSM kink wings this year. Hopefully there’ll be more play times both at home and with our new friends. There’s Eroticon to look forward to in just under 3 months, something I’m really looking forward to.
Plus, there will hopefully be new and different experiences that I don’t even know about yet. That’s the nature of things round here, I often don’t even know what’s going to happen until it actually has.
Master has a big birthday coming up at the end of March. He’s still deciding where to go to celebrate. I’m hoping for warm weather, but will be happy with wherever he choses. We are also thinking ahead to the summer holidays and Spain and France (different route and different cities to this year).
I have a new planner that I am going to break out perhaps later today. My mind is swirling with ideas for this blog and my new one.
Yes folks I have a new, vanilla blog. It’s about my need and desire to get fitter and healthier in 2020. It’s also about all things physical and mental health for anyone who’s interested. I’m going to be inviting guest bloggers, linking and ideas from those around me (that means you if you are reading this). It won’t be about telling others what they should do, but about creating a safe and healthy space to share ideas. The link will go up here very soon.
As for this blog, well a new image is overdue. Plus some goals for what I write and how I respond to others.
I’m hoping to get some paid work soon too, because you can’t continue to do new things without money. While most of that will be in my vanilla world. I am definitely going to take the plunge and start pithing my writing. It is time to make my Smutlancer membership pay.
I’m not sure if the planned surgery is a nice thing or not. Losing the weight I need to get that far will be. After recovery and being able to wear clothes with a more plunging neckline will be too.
So, on that positive note, I’m signing off. But don’t go away, there’ll be more here and elsewhere very soon!
This week of the year is always a busy one. Last minute shopping, Christmas present wrapping, cooking for and entertaining family to mention just a few things. This year has been a little different and certainly those differences will extend to the end of this week. On Saturday my son marries his girlfriend of more than 4 years at a small ceremony in London. So, this year’s festivities have that added extra excitement.
Unlike other years the run up to Christmas was calm. Not working has made all the difference and so shopping and preparing was straightforward. Also different is that my mum is now living 100 miles away and needed collecting to spend Christmas with my younger brother and his family.
We set out on Christmas eve with a car full of presents and travelled over to her. Then we all spent the evening with my elder brother and family, including two excited 4 year old boys. We had a lovely time with pizza and wine and also playing games and toys with the children. Yesterday we travelled back with mum and dropped her off before having a quiet afternoon and evening on our own. For the third year in a row we cooked beef wellington for dinner, rather than the traditional turkey. It was lovely. We also ate in the evening rather than at lunchtime.
This afternoon we are eating in a pub with family. My younger brother, partner and her mum, son and nearly wife, and my mum.
Then on Saturday the wedding. I have my outfit at the ready. I have booked mum into a hotel for a few nights as we don’t have the space here right now. It will be a small event, with just a few family and friends but it will be fantastic, I just know it. A fitting end to what has been a difficult year, not just for me but for the wider family too. I’ll write more about that when I review the year over the next couple of days.
So this year’s Christmas festivities have somewhat broken with tradition and I am really pleased they have. It is so easy to get into a routine and always do things the same way. My mum has struggled since my dad died because of that. We have found it difficult as a family to find a new normal. But maybe it is a good thing not to create such a thing, and instead to take things as they come and to just enjoy the time you have together. It feels less stressful that way.
This week’s Food 4 Thought Friday prompt pays homage to Thanksgiving which was on Thursday. I am increasingly aware that I have so much to be thankful for. It would be so easy to wallow in self pity about what I don’t have rather than recognise what I do. So, here goes.
Last night in bed, Master asked me if I am happy with life now we are living together. The answer to that was a resounding yes. Even though we have spent a lot of time together over the past few years, moving in was a big step. We get on far better than I even hoped. We are good at giving each other space, but at the same time enjoy each others company. Our sex life is really good and now we have the time are having more of it.
Master has been a massive source of strength to me over the past few weeks. When I returned from theatre after my surgery he was waiting for me. At that moment, I knew I loved him more than ever and that I could rely on him. Even when things are tough we will definitely be supporting each other.
My son has gone through a lot this year and has shown himself to be a caring and resourceful man. I am so proud of the person he is. He is now 27 and of course a proper grown up, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need the help and support of parents and girl friend. He was there for me on the day of my surgery and on the phone frequently checking in. At the same time, he has supported his dad, grandad and uncle through some awful times. Sadly my ex’s brother died a couple of weeks ago after a long battle with motor neurone disease. His dad had a stroke a few weeks before that. On Tuesday, I will join them to say good bye and provide my support to them all. All of this makes me thankful that I have my health. Because even though I am being treated for cancer, it has been removed and I will recover.
I am thankful that I was able to give up work at the end of August. This means I have had the time to recover. When I finished work I was beyond tired. We are convinced that the events of this year – mum moving, me moving etc. contributed to making me susceptible to cancer.
I am grateful that I haven’t had to take time off work or worry about no one doing my job while I am away. Also that we can spend time together and enjoy the freedom of not working. while I will be looking for work in the future, this won’t need to be permanent or full time. I know we are lucky to be able to do this, and am grateful for both of us having worked hard in the past to make it possible.
It is really easy to get caught up in negativity, so it is useful sometimes to write about just positive things. For that, I am also grateful.
In comparison with some other times of my life nothing is so hard at the moment. In myself I am happier than I have been so often in the past. My job is going well and though I am busy I am getting recognition for the things I am doing.
Without wanting to tempt fate, my mum’s health is good and though lonely, she is coping with her life without my dad. She is considering downsizing and also thinking about making that move to be nearer to my brother. He lives in an area where housing prices are lower since it is further away from London.
I am enjoying my time at my slimming club and have made friends there. I need to focus much more on actually losing some more weight, but it is not a massive deal. I plan to explore becoming a slimming consultant, and wonder whether ultimately that might be the part time job I need on top of my NHS pension, but we shall see.
Master and I are approaching our 3 year anniversary and things are going well. We admit we need to explore our kinky life a little more, and will try to make 2017 the year for that. I want to develop my blog and have my own domain and WordPress installed but am struggling with moving everything over. I need to spend some time and learn a bit about that side of things. Then I want to try to write some fiction. I am hoping our trip to Eroticon will help with those things. I think perhaps that is the hardest thing and since that isn’t really so bad, I have very little to worry about!
I am not even sure they make chorizo in Argentina, but Master’s dream about it on Thursday night / Friday morning has been the joke of our weekend.
We don’t usually spend Thursday night together, but because Friday was going to be spent working on my house, starting our weekend early seemed a good idea. I cooked us a shepherds pie, good comfort food for early December and we enjoyed it with a little bit too much wine (We I never learn).
Early on Friday morning, as I lay awake much earlier than I wanted or needed, he suddenly grabbed my hand and placed it on his hard cock. I lay holding it, surprised by it’s size and the way it throbbed without me actually doing very much. Happily for me, it also lulled me into a nice sleep and when I woke properly some time later, I felt more refreshed than I had expected. Master asked me if I knew why he had been dreaming about Argentinian chorizo since pork is not something they eat much of. I suggested that the dream might have something to do with the fact he had wanted me to hold his hard cock!
The morning was busy for us both. I went off to my slimming club (for some less than good news) and then on to the DIY shop for screws and door fixings and then to the supermarket. Master in turn got on with starting the task of removing the old doors in the downstairs of my house and hanging new ones. While I was out my brother and his partner arrived to help (well he was there to help).
The rest of the day passed with Master and my brother working together on the doors and me spending time with his girlfriend and intermittently providing food and drink. Things, as usual didn’t go entirely to plan, but in the end I have my new doors in place, more modern they will definitely give the right impression to people viewing the house when I come to sell. I was happy to see and hear how well the two men got on together, seeing as they don’t know each other well. The day was fun and relaxed. Later we went out for dinner and drinks. While my brother would have loved to have stayed over and continue things into the night, his girlfriend was keen to get off home.
Once they had gone, and we had enjoyed a pre-bed time G&T we headed off to bed. Master was slightly euphoric from his exertions during the day, the male camaraderie of the day along with the combination of wine, after dinner brandy and then gin.
I was expecting sleep, but Master had other ideas and the result was my Sinful Sunday photo and some very lovely orgasms. Plus, I got to experience the Argentinian chorizo in it’s full glory, this time inside my throbbing cunt.
From time to time I have a look back at what I might have written this week or month in previous years on this blog. This morning, prompted by a photo of my then very old and now deceased and Renault Clio’s odometer passing the 100,000 mile mark, I looked back on the Blog to this week in 2012.
I started to write a retrospective post, but struggled. Did I really want to look back an re live what I was feeling then? The negativity of that period shone through with abundance. My ex was a very negative figure in my life during that period, but actually so was S my so called Dom at that time. At the same time, I was given notice that I would potentially lose my job at the end of that financial year.
I did lose my job, but the sky did not fall on me, I have a better, more well paid job now. S and I limped along for quite some time after, but if I look back on the blog posts at the time and subsequently it was clear to see that it would never work. At the time, it might have seemed that I was giving up 30 years of marriage for something that S would never offer me, and of course did not. As for hubby, well there was a whole lot of negativity to some, not least the weekend in Germany when it subsequently transpired that he met his now partner. Not that he has ever accepted to me that is what and who she is.
Sadly it is around Christmas 2012 that I can trace a change in my relationship with my son, who I had previously been so close to. I failed to understand that I needed to be open with him about the change in my relationship with his dad, but hopefully conversations since then have helped him to understand life is not quite that simple.
It was to be another year before Master and I encountered each other online and subsequently met in real life. But the signs of my need for this kind of relationship was there.
Whatever other mistakes I have made in my life, I know that while it is important to recognise where you have come from, it is much more important to understand where you are going.
Look back briefly, but keep your eyes on the future.
This weekend my son and his girlfriend started with us, as they prepare to move into their own home and I continue to prepare to leave, this our family home after over 25 years. It is time to look forward and not back. It is easy to reminisce but to be frank I don’t think I will be writing about the past too much any more.
I feel kind of ashamed that I am not posting regularly. I visit often, I read the blogs on my blog list but for one reason or another haven’t felt inclined to post here.
Why is that?
Well it isn’t because I have stopped being Master’s slave. No matter how vanilla our lives are, I am still His collared slave. He welcomes my input into how our life together runs, but is always in control and in charge.
To be honest there isn’t much kink, but that is mainly because we have been so busy. We have been working together to get my house ready for the sale and then last week we were on a much needed holiday which we spent staying on a narrow boat.
We intend to get the kinky side of our relationship back on track soon. But we have more painting and sorting out to do yet. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it still seems to be far in the distance.
Master suggested I should post more of our everyday life here while we are getting the kinky side back on track.
Maybe, just maybe that is the answer.
His photo of me, altered on his photography app. This is quite cute don’t you think?
At last it seems that progress has been made. This morning while I was making my morning tea and getting my breakfast ready a text came through from hubby telling me he was ready to get the house valued. In fact he seemed keen to put it up for sale more quickly than I do. There are a few bits of decorating and some more decluttering to be done first. I believe that these will maximise the sale price and also mean there is less to do before I move out.
This weekend Master and I put up a new light in the dining room. It has been sitting around waiting to be installed for over 2 years and having been let down by my brother a number of times it is now fixed and looks great. I have also cleared out some old papers (the shredding machine was working overtime) and also filled up my garden waste bin with weeds and shrub branches ready for the collection on Wednesday.
Now I feel I have the green light for a proper structured programme of work over the summer months. Some times can be done after work, others will be weekend projects. I also plan to contact a plasterer in the next few days as the hall, stairs and landing is badly in need of some attention.
At last though it feels something will really happen. At last he is ready to move on.
As far as I am concerned there is no stalling and no turning back from here on.
Post script Oct 2018
This was written in May 2016 and yet took another 2 years before I actually moved from the house. There were things that needed doing within and outside of the house, but that was not the main reason for the delay. Suddenly hubby asked if I would be willing for his new partner to buy my half of the house. This meant we had to wait for her to undertake work in her house and then to sell. Right now, the wait feels worth it as everything came together at once. But it did take an awful long time!
Phew, the end is in sight and I have actually reached W. My kinky word today is Watersports, and the non kinky one is Wishes
I know watersports, or play that involves urine, is not for everyone. It is not something we indulge in frequently but I have to admit that it is a kink that both of us are turned on by. Master didn’t force me into this, he didn’t push my limits, instead I owned up to it.
Given my nursing career, I am not really bothered by most bodily fluids. Heaven knows I spent quite a bit of time in my late teens and early 20’s up to my elbows in them. However, putting up with blood, vomit, urine, pus and shit are different from enjoying doing so. To be frank I am a little more squeamish these days, and would prefer not to be involved with any of the above for work purposes. I have an office job and that suits me fine. Scat would be a limit for me, but it doesn’t need to be since I don’t think Master is particularly interested (though accidents happen). Urinating on each other though, well that is something different.
It is hard to explain, but rather than being turned off by pee, I am kind of weirdly fascinated by excreting it myself.Whether it is the colour, volume etc. I also have to admit that I quite like the feeling of Master’s hot piss being sprayed over me. Perhaps it is the whole humiliation and degradation thing. Perhaps it is the fact that most people would find it weird and disgusting, I don’t know. To be frank it is not something I have thought much about, but if he wants me to pee on him, or he on me I am cool with that. I am not keen however to have it in my mouth. Luckily he has never asked and I do hope I don’t have to consider it, given my slave status.
I have written a lot on this blog about my past and about the present. All along I have detailed my frustrations with the situation I continue to live with when it comes to the relationship with my estranged hubby. This ongoing situation remains frustrating, but I am focused now on the future. I have started the process of decluttering the house and will soon embark on a few small projects to prepare for the sale. I recognise that this is probably the only way to move things forward.
I plan to move in with Master and share his home with him. I plan to invest the proceeds of my portion of the house sale and to prepare to reduce my work commitments so we can travel more and generally enjoy our life together.
My wish for the future is that I live my life to the full. That I have fun and that I enjoy myself. I wish to be able to embrace my submission and live as Master’s slave full time. My wishes involve prioritising us as a couple and him as my Master. I don’t think that is to much to wish for.