Fetlife and Crescendo

Our presence on Fetlife is not huge, it isn’t that we spend our lives there. Ok, so I am there more than He is, but that’s because I love to read the drama (rather than participate), plus keep up with a few people I don’t have too much contact with. Also we have found a Munch or too plus a some play events (we have been to the former not the latter yet). But even though I am not a big player there, I do like some accuracy and finally I have it.

Last year when Master and I linked on Fetlife He was still involved with His other slave. So, He listed our relationship quote rightly as “polyamorous”.

Since last autumn we have not been polyamorous, even if that is His preference. Today He has finally changed that status. I am now ‘in a relationship’ also being ‘trained’ and ‘serving’ Him in addition to our previous status of ‘Master and owner’.

Of course, you have to take the rough with the smooth since now He is openly looking for someone to be our third person. Since I trust Him and feel safe in our relationship, I don’t feel threatened by this, instead I feel ready for this next step.

If you want to find me there I am slavejoolz

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I have been emailed by BORN.COM about a new sex toy called Crescendo.
I like the look of it and have pledged some money. If it is developed, I think Master and this girl will have some fun with this……….

New focus

It is a couple of weeks since I decided to take a break and a little longer since I posted properly here. I am ready to return, but will be trying to focus on myself, my journey and things that are important to me.  In the few weeks before my break, I had struggled for topics. But also I felt constrained by the knowledge that this is a public place and therefore can be read by anyone. I was finding some aspects of communication with my Master difficult and was also struggling in the relationship His other slave  and I are trying to form.  This was not and still is not the place to do that. This is a place for me to express myself and my feelings, to consider my progress, my journey.

My blogging break when it came was as the result of an event. With my permission (perhaps some would say misguided), I gave permission for Master’s slave  (who from now on I will refer to as k), to read my blog. At the same time I was allowed to read her journal.  Not surprisingly, we both became upset about some of the things we read. After all these are personal accounts and they involve relationships with the same man. What is more, she and I have not actually met yet.

I felt that I should at that point rethink this blog and whether I continued with it in a public place, made it private or indeed closed it all together. Master and I discussed this issue at some length and I came to the decision to take a break and at the same time, create a place for He and I to communicate with each other. This has proved successful, and has meant I can write things I have not been able to articulate into spoken words and allow those thoughts to be discussed between us.

k and I have also spent time trying to get to know each other, to try to avoid the misunderstandings which can occur when you are learning to trust each other as we are. I don’t deny this is an ongoing journey for us both, but I think we are both moving to a different place in terms of our relationship with each other and the trust we need to have.

So, I return to my blog. I will continue to write and I continue to follow this journey.

Saturday morning fun

Master introduced two new toys shortly after we woke on Saturday morning. The first was some kind of oddly shaped gadget, apparently called (according to the website he obviously bought it from) an intimate part spreader. Also according to the website it stimulates the G spot. Well. It certainly stimulated the G spot. Plus seemed to cause this girl’s clit to go into some kind of spasm. That is some toy!!! It looks weird, but wow!! 

This girl was ready for anything. Just as well, since He then introduced something else. Something this girl can only describe as a snake. Well, kind of very very long, double ended cock. Master made His girl fuck herself silly with that cock. Apparently it is suitable to fit in two different holes, or two different girls. Obviously the opportunities are endless. 
By the time this girl had had her cunt spread, her labia exposed, her clit blown on and then a large snake fucking her, she was a gibbering wreck deep in a subby space. Her reward for giving Master the pleasure of watching His girl used in this way was to be able to take Him in her mouth and reap the benefits of His orgasm.
This girl loves to give and receive pleasure and that was some pleasure. This girl was fit to burst with her own happiness.
Unfortunately later, events out of her control sent her into a bit of a tail spin. Events which took her all of Sunday morning to recover from. 
This girl has spoken before of the problems associated with the whole polyamorous lifestyle. Once again it was that whole thing which stopped this girl feeling quite as good as she had done. At times it is hard to understand quite what this girl or indeed Master does to deserve such highs and then such lows. But it is as it is. Things are back on an even keel again now, but this girl has to wonder for how long. This girl often wonders how she might get through this whole thing. Whether it is worth it. On Saturday night and into Sunday, she had serious doubts.
But it isn’t often in life a girl gets the chance of the kind of happiness Master brings to her. The fun they have together, the way they are able to laugh through difficult situations. Life was never meant to be easy, and for sure it isn’t. The life this girl and her Master are living is complex and down right complicated. But from where this girl sits right now it is worth it. 
Anyway where else will she find a man who has such a wonderful range of gadgets and isn’t afraid to use them!

Permission

It is a long time since i have needed to seek permission to orgasm outside of the bed room. Indeed for long periods of part 2 of the time with S i didn’t always ask when we were in the throws of passion – it depended on the context of the scene at the time.

While new D doesn’t own me in the full sense of the word, Saturday afternoon was clearly important in terms of the balance of power. i have gladly handed over ownership of my body and definitely my orgasms. 
We were able to chat online last evening. We had something of a short scene in chat and also chatted on yahoo. All the time, hubby was in the room, dozing on the sofa. I haven’t been this bad in a long long time and have to admit a little bit of guilt. However that is by the by since this is not about my relationship (or lack of it with hubby) but about my emerging relationship with new D.
When i am getting regular sex, i don’t need to orgasm much on my own. But it has been a few days now and anyway chatting about sex and what you might like to do to each other is quite a turn on. So i sought permission and was granted it.
i have a new little vibrator, recently purchased at a high street lingerie and toy shop. This morning after hubby left for work i gave it a road test. This is how it looks, boy is it a powerful little thing! The best thing tough was being able to imagine being with new D and having him give me pleasure as well as knowing that even though he wasn’t there this was his gift to me. Of course once the waves of pleasure had subsided and was lying still i thanked him for that gift. That also felt good, as i know i will also feel pleasure when i hope he tells me i am a good girl. 
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There are complications to all of this. He does as i think i mentioned at the beginning have a long term and long distance Master / slave relationship. There has been agreement that while they apart they can both have another relationship. He has already handed day to day care to another Dom, though remains her owner. He seeks something closer to home for the time being. 
There are several things for me to get my head around here. First is my understanding of their relationship which is very real and also M/s. Since my experience is around scenes and playing with your partner, this is something very different. Next there is the way in which the two of them are dealing with Him having me on the scene. Then there is my relationship with Him.
In a way, knowing that this is probably two people seeking something from each other in a time limited way is a good thing for me. I am in danger of falling for someone before i am really ready emotionally. But as we all know it isn’t quite so easy to control emotions, especially during the deeper more intense moments of D/s, such as we experienced on Saturday.
But for now, i retain my level head and am happy to proceed with just a little caution. Plus i am willing to hand over an important part of myself – access to my body and control of my orgasms.