Blogging A-Z 2018: T and U

First day back from holiday and suddenly yesterday I had lost my blogging mojo. The discovery that I am shadow banned on Twitter just added to my apathy.

Twitter

Somehow over the past couple of years I have become more and more engaged with Twitter as a social media platform. I find myself going there when I wake and again many times during the day. My posts auto tweet and during the day a couple of older posts appear. Some days I tweet quite a bit, engaging with others and other times not.

I have no way of knowing whether this behaviour alone has led to Twitter taking against me or if it is the photos. After all, the photo below, which appeared as part of my post on Sunday is pretty graphic. But since Twitter don’t admit shadow banning is even a thing, all I can do is surmise. Still it will make my SoSS all the more pertinent this week.

Undertake

Finally I am in a position to realise my objectives. At last, after more than 4 years of talking about selling my house and moving on from my marriage it is in touching distance.

Now, the hard work must be undertaken. What to throw away, what to put into storage, what to take with me. Master has cleared out a lot of clutter, but there is still work to be done. Also, he is planning some building work, so I can’t take all of my belongings straight there. Plus there is the emotional attachment I have to this house, I have lived here for 27 years. We moved here when my son was a baby of just 5 months and so there are lots of memories here.

But now is the time to move on and to create a new home, one with Master. We will both need to adapt to our new life and to make room for each other. But it will mean we can be together and can start to plan some new plans and work on those outcomes. It also means I am going to resign my job soon and take a breather. The next few months will be emotional, but interesting and fun too.

Blogging A-Z 2018: F

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

F is for Family

I have wonderful memories of times spent with family. The oldest of 3 children, our home was busy and noisy. Friends or other family were often around as we grew up. My maternal grandmother was one of 9 children and so even though both my parents were only children, we had a large wider family. There were many weddings, christenings, birthday parties, more weddings, christenings and finally funerals to attend.

Once grown up and married my siblings and I along with spouses and children congregated at my parents house for family events – Christmas, birthdays, Sunday lunch. But as time went on and we had our own friends it all became a bit too much. There was an expectation by my parents that we would be there for those special occasions. Little thought was given to the fact we might instead want to visit inlaws or go out with friends. Everything was taken for granted.

Until that is things began to fall apart. Within a year of each other my brothers’ separated from their wives. Family occasions were immediately different. When they met new partners my parents were disappointed that things did not revert back. Our children were growing up, my nephew and son away at university, the other children often with their mothers, friends, or other family. My own marriage break up and then the death of my dad in 2014 seemed destined to cause us to drift further apart. We all found the absence of our dad difficult to handle and my mum’s needs threatened to cause conflict rather than to bring us together.

My mum’s move earlier this year means she is living close to the older of my 2 brothers. Perhaps is may help bring us all together again. We are  beginning to communicate more effectively and to enjoy family time again. This hasn’t yet led to the whole family getting together at her new place yet, but perhaps it soon will. All her grandchildren (bar the one who has been abroad for almost a year) have visited, some of them at the same time. Due to the distance we are making more effort. Adult family life is not the same as that of childhood, and being middle aged ourselves means it is different again. But I do believe we all recognise the importance of making the most of time we can be together.

Blogging A-Z 2018: E

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

E is for Equilibrium

It would be wonderful to say that I am firing on all cylinders and that my life was in equilibrium. But I am not sure it is.

So many good things have happened to me over the past few years. Unhitching myself from a marriage that threatened to over power and unhinge me and then finding the  man who I wish to share my life with are just two. Indeed the stressed and emotional woman I was in 2014 when we met is no more. I am happier than ever, clear about the person I am and clear where I am heading.

But still the same things trouble me. My ex hasn’t given me the final things I require to break through. The house remains ours rather than theirs because his new partner hasn’t sold her place. Plus we remain married in law.

These are two areas of my life in which Master will not intervene. So it is up to us. I despair at my inability to force action despite numerous conversations. Apparently her house has been valued, but still I must wait in final stasis.

Last year I blamed my mum because she hadn’t moved house. My brothers’ because they didn’t pull their weight. But those things no longer ring true.

Equilibrium for me and for us will be found when we are free of my ex, my house and everything that goes with it. I know we are close, just not close enough.

I am beginning to wonder what needs to happen next to make our dream a reality. To allow me to move in with Master and to let me resign my job.

I need equilibrium in my life. It is within touching distance but now quite close enough to be reality.

 

Blogging A-Z 2018: C

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

C is for Collar

My collar is a key symbol of my role as submissive and slave to Master. It is a constant reminder that he is my Owner and my Lord.

I am not the easiest person to be the Master of, because I am not scared of giving my view and often this comes across as ‘being bratty’. Something Master is often telling me. I aspire to be a better slave, but can’t help but say things that get me into trouble.

But wearing a locked collar, one that needs a key to unlock it, helps. It reminds me of who I am as it rests there against my collar bone. Made of titanium, my collar looks heavier than it is but I can always feel it. Sometimes the back of my neck becomes unbearably warm and I swivel the collar round to cool me down. This is very useful for the menopausal woman, which of course is what I am. I rarely remove it and since it doesn’t set off any alarms at the airport it stays in place even then.

Very few people know the significance of the collar, but they do admire it. Only when we are out and about with lifestyle people, such as at a munch do people know it’s meaning. I love that the people I encounter at such events know that I am Master’s property. And that makes me feel proud and also it helps with my submission.

My collar is a very important part of me and of our relationship.

TMI Tuesday – Sexy Secrets

Sexy Secrets

1. Do you have a special place you like to have sex regularly?

Most of our sex takes place in or on a bed. Though the living room floor does feature. In general, comfort is the thing.

2. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? The scariest?

Probably keeping my mouth firmly shut about the type of relationship I am part of. It isn’t that I want to tell people my business, but it would be much easier if I could be more open.

3. Are you annoying?

I am pretty sure I can be very annoying. When I get anxious I talk too much with those I know and too little with those I don’t. It makes a social gathering unpredictable!

4. A person whom you’ve had “the hots” for a very long time tells you they are super attracted to you. You spend a few hours together and the sexual attraction is overwhelming. You are dying to have this person as your lover. At the moment you are highly aroused, and he/she wants to have sex with you in a church, would you do it?

Not sure I would have sex in a church. Might, and have got up to some reasonably naughty things in one. I guess if I really had the hots for someone, then spontaneous sex might happen. Just maybe not in a church.

5. While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?

Probably. I have said and done some equally crazy things. I am a submissive don’t you know.

Bonus: Are you good in bed?

Ask my Master, he’ll tell you………

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Thoughts on my blog, sex and coffee

The blog

Thank goodness I have now pretty much sorted out the blog. Losses mainly amount to a few posts and a lot of lovely comments. But lesson learned and time to move on. There is still some blog tagging to do, but no hurry with that. It has made me think however, about posts, pages and writing in general as I move forward.

The Smut Marathon, which I haven’t written about until now, is giving me cause to question my writing style. Over time, people have commented on and praised my direct style of writing. This has emerged over time, I think, because the papers I produce for work need to be like that. Too much story telling and narrative is not really required or wanted. This gives me a problem when it comes to detail for fiction, or even to be honest factual blog posts.

Back to the Smut Marathon which has now reached the second voting round. Without going into any detail (which is not allowed), I have made some observations about writing style. I am in awe of those able to produce such wonderful erotic flash fiction. The level of detail some people achieve in 100 words is fantastic and also very hot. It gives me something to work on, but makes me question my own writing style. Often, even factual posts are short on detail, mainly because I write in something of a hurry. But also because I tend to forget stuff. Something I think, to do with my personality type – get in there, get to the point and get out kind of stuff. But this whole experience is causing me to reflect and take stock. Even if I don’t get through to the next round, I will continue to take something from the experience.

Page updates

I managed to retrieve the pages on my previous blog. These are mainly about me, and my previous and current relationships. I have been sex / relationship blogging for 5 years next month, so this is the right time for a page review. I have had to strip out many links from the pages because they don’t work any more. But I know Master likes these because it helps him gauge where I and indeed we are going relationship wise. Therefore I am going to reorder the pages and start something new for this year onwards. We really (at last) are getting to the point where final preparations are taking place for us to move in together.

Sex and coffee

Apologies to Marie But this next bit will be my attempt to incorporate this post into this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt.

There was a time when I had pretty much given up coffee. At the beginning of the day, I would drink green tea. After all it is meant to be good for you. Unsatisfying, but purifying and good for you. Before I met Master, and having given up instant coffee, I would rarely drink a cup of filter coffee. This would usually have been bought in a shop. Over the past 4 years though I have increasingly enjoyed that coffee at home in the mornings. I doubt I would give it up now, whatever the health benefits of an alternative. I especially like coffee  at his place, since he bought a proper bean to cup machine. That coffee is to die for.

Added to that, is the fact that our sex life generally occurs in the mornings (something I have written about quite a lot). It is not the coffee that makes us have sex, nor vice versa. But the thought of good coffee persuades us out of bed after sex. Leading, in my mind to an association between the two.

I love sex with him, and I love his coffee machine and I love him. Excellent reasons for moving in!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

TMI Tuesday – 19 September 2017

TMI Tuesday – 19 September 2017

1. Why would you go to a therapist?
a. You need support
b. You want to take responsibility for your life’s outcomes?
c. You need guidance and to be told what to do

I am not sure that I would go to a therapist for any kind of relationship support. I tried it when my marriage was ending and I was struggling to get him to accept the inevitable. I discovered that I had everything I wanted worked out in my head. What I also discovered was that me having counselling wouldn’t make him cope any better. He was the one needing the help and that couldn’t happen unless he pitched up. Having said that, if I needed therapy for a mental health problem I would take it if I felt it would help. Can’t see it happening right now though.

2. Thinking of the main male lover in your life, what is sex for him:
a. stress relief, tension reliever
b. a way to show love
c. something exciting he likes to do

I suspect that at different times, sex can be any of the above for him. He likes to have sex with me, he says I turn him on. He finds me exciting! But there are times when sex is a great relief for stress and tension. There’s no doubt it is also a way to show love, though sex for us is usually a bit more raunchy than that.

3. Do you feel a partner is being invasive for wanting to know your plans and inner thoughts?

We have the kind of relationship where we tell each other everything. 3 years ago, I agreed to be his slave and so being open comes with the territory. Anyway I want to tell him. Keeping secrets was part of the reason my relationship with hubby failed and I don’t intend that to happen again. We are open with each other, so it’s a two way street.

4. In your opinion, what is intimate sharing?

For us it is about being willing and able to speak about our feelings for each other including deeper emotions. Also it is about being able to tell the other about your fantasies and fears too. I can’t say this is always easy, but generally we both know when the other has something they need to say to the other.

5. Would you enjoy a weekend by yourself, without the company of your partner? Where would you go? What would you do?

I don’t really want weekends to myself anymore. Weekends are when we spend time together. I guess if I had to I would and if I did, perhaps I would do something we wouldn’t do together. Maybe a spa weekend or a trip to somewhere hot where I could sun bathe. But I know that it wouldn’t be the same doing anything without him there.

Bonus: Would you buy an outfit that you love, knowing that your partner will hate it? Then would you wear it as well?

I don’t think there is any chance I would want to buy something he would hate. Since I don’t think I would like it either. I buy things I like, but tend to wonder if he would like them too.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

The realities of life

It had been a busy week. Work was as frenetic as usual, and by Friday followed with daughterly responsibilities. When did it seem a good idea to become part of the social committee at my slimming club? After all, Friday afternoons with mum are stressful enough.

But by the evening the half a pound gain was behind me. Mum had been relatively restrained in Marks and Spencer’s. The traffic was kind. And yet.

Master showed me the new swing in the play room. Yes a swing. Thinking about it, he had made mention of the purchase the previous week. Somehow though, that knowledge had disappeared into the recess of my brain.

Kneeling before him as he demonstrated it’s finer points I sucked his cock and all seemed good.

But naked, exposed, sitting on the seat, I wasn’t sure who I was. Whether I was worthy of him. His slave or an imposter?

I wanted to love and enjoy his new toy but something made me want to curl up somewhere with a bottle of wine instead. Trying to distract me and turn me on, he licked my pussy, squeezed my nipples and stroked my clitoris. He used the words that usually make me melt; the ones that reaffirm our M/s dynamic. My head responded but something held me back. My body was unresponsive, he said otherwise but my brain told me so.

Memories of sex with my ex flooded my brain. Perhaps I am the frigid person he had exclaimed me to be. Maybe this past 3 years has been a dream?

Climbing down at Master’s request, we lay naked on the bed. We talked and we held each other.   I don’t know the reason for my sudden freak out but know I am not frigid. I am the sexy woman Master loves, I turn him on, and please him. We love each other, and he certainly makes me horny. In the future we will have fun on that swing.

We moved on to christen the new jacuzzi bath. To have fun and to enjoy each other’s bodies. We drank sparkling wine together and talked about what might have been wrong. I came to the conclusion that if the bath had happened first events may have taken a different course.

I wanted so much to have a wonderful tale to tell about the swing and to have photos for Sinful Sunday. But rather than looking back on these memories as a failure I know that our love is not just about kink it is about being there for each other. About recognising when we need reassurance from the other.

The story about the swing in the playroom is still to be told along with the corresponding pictures. Just watch this space.

Recollections of the past

A couple of weeks ago I installed a widget that allows random posts from your blog to be reposted to Twitter or Facebook. I had noticed it on a few people’s twitter feed and since I have almost 5 years worth of posts I decided to try it too. Every 12 hours or so a new tweet, with a link appears on my twitter feed. Yesterday this one cropped up. It was liked and retweeted by eye  and then commented on by Rebecca. How strange then that this week’s Wicked Wednesday is about recollections.

That the post entitled ‘Relationships’ was written in March 2013. At the time I was going though a lot of trauma with my ex. He had recently found out about my relationship with S and was pretty keen to point our my shortcomings at every opportunity. When, that is he wasn’t telling me how much he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose me. When I brought up his own infidelity he told me that something that happened 20 years ago didn’t count. The trouble is that the hurt from all that time ago, had never left me. Writing in a bit of detail about being cheated on as a young wife and mother helped put things into perspective.

Infidelity is not something to be taken lightly. We made a promise to each other in front of family and friends. A promise that we would love, honour and cherish each other. I never imagined that he would break that promise quite so quickly. Especially as in the aftermath he pretty much told me I was frigid and boring in bed. More recent events have proved that not to be the case. Embarking on my own journey took some guts, and all of the time I knew I was being unfaithful. I knew that if he every found out, then he would be devastated and so he was.

But the interesting thing about the recollections associated with this post is this. In March 2013, while he continued to make me feel guilty and to try to get me to dump S, my ex was already seeing another woman. They had met at Christmas and were in the early stages of their current relationship. The wronged man was already in another’s arms. For months after that he pretended that he was spending much of his time staying with a male friend. I believed him because it was easy to do so and because I was preoccupied. The man was a liar hypocrite in the early 90’s when I found out about that first affair and still is today.

For the most part I try to look forwards, looking back doesn’t always help. Sometimes recollections of the past can help. My words from 2013 certainly have done that today.

 

Looking forwards

2016 was a strange year. For the world it has been full of turbulence, a year when more than ever you got the feeling that people were unable to tolerate difference in each other. Where politics seemed to change course, so that the unexpected and feared became reality. A year when terrorism struck in new places as well as old, in summer and winter. When death showed no respect for talent, fame or fortune. In many ways I feel sad about the things and the people we have lost. I am sad that members of my own family can be so abusive about other people just because they look and dress differently. In the main I just ignore their social media rants. I am sad at the level of homelessness and poverty I see on a daily basis so close to my place of work. I am sad that people feel quite so anxious about the world we live in and that we are made to feel we have so much to fear from each other. I feel sad that we seem to be governed by people who have no understanding of the way in which ordinary people live and appear not to care about them. I feel sad that the world is not the place that perhaps it could be.

But those are external things and while we have to exist in the world we also have the opportunity to make our own happiness. So, I face this year 2017 with hope and expectation that things can only get better, if indeed they really are that bad. My list of good things for 2017:
  1. Master and I are healthy and happy and are looking forward to an increasing amount of time together. I will sell my house this year and hope to be living with him by the end of this year.
  2. We have plans to travel more this year. On Tuesday we are off to Brussels for a few days and have plans for a summer holiday on the Canal du Midi in France. I am sure there will be other places that we will visit too. Some here in the UK and others further afield.
  3. My mum remains healthy and is now expressing interest in moving house and downsizing. This might even result in her being less dependent on me as there are suggestions she may move closer to my brother. But we will see.
  4. My son has today announced his engagement to his girlfriend. They moved into their own home a week ago, having rented for the past 18 months. I can’t describe how happy it makes me feel that he is settled in his life.
  5. Hopefully this year will see Master and I spread our kink ‘wings’ a little. We intend to go to some play and other events and in March we will be attending Eroticon. I am particularly keen to develop my blog, to branch out a little into areas that I haven’t tackled. While it is great to write about real time events and happenings in our sex and kink life, I would like to write more opinion based posts as well as branching into fiction. Plus I am keen to meet more like minded people and to be able to have discussions in real life. Hopefully Eroticon will give us that opportunity.
  6. I plan to join in with many of the memes that circulate our part of the internet and this year to complete the February Photofest and maybe the A-Z of blogging again. I am going to start to plan ahead and devote more time to writing.
Most of all, I intend to live my life to the full. To try to lose more weight, to get fitter, to travel, have fun and enjoy life. I intend to embrace the happiness I feel today and to have as much kinky sex as our ageing bodies will allow  us to enjoy!
Social Media Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com