I is for……

Internal enslavememt and I (the word that should not be spoken by the author of this blog).

Internal enslavement is something this girl finds quite fascinating. Unfortunately the Tanos website where much of the information about this more extreme subset of total power exchange exists is currently down. However she found a great article on the Deviance and Desire site, lots of other articles to read too. The definition of internal enslavement is described in this way:

“One of the key concepts of IE is literally – slave: this is just the everyday definition of “slave” that everyone grows up with, and it doesn’t include the roleplay slaves you sometimes meet elsewhere in BDSM. For example, this is from the definition of “slave” in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: “One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, whether by capture, purchase or birth; a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights.” When we say “slave”, we mean literal slave, defined in this way.”

In this type of owner / property relationship the property, the owner has complete control over the slave. Everything the slave does is for the benefit of the owner and the slave has no say in what is done or how this takes place. Communication is not important, since the slave just obeys and what is more they focus their entire energy on ensuring that their Master’s needs are met.

It seems extremely unlikely that this would work in our relationship. For a start the slave needs to be trained and treated quite harshly. Master likes to be in control and to exert power, but doesn’t wish to micromanage this girl. Nor does he wish her to do everything for him, or to be completely subservient and compliant. In day to day life, Master asks this girl’s opinion and while he doesn’t always act on it, she is free to give her views. Punishment is not something Master particularly wishes to dish out and within the current relationship it is easy to avoid. A more extreme TPE would be difficult for a bratty girl such as this to prevent herself from falling foul of the rules. What is more, Master would have to put more effort into developing the structure we lived under and then enforcing it. 

However, it is useful when you are considering a 24/7 TPE relationship, which we are, in understanding how that relationship will be going forward. You see, this journey continues and as it does Master and this girl will need to re-establish the terms under which it sits. We do want some kind of TPE, but probably internal enslavement is not for us.

When this girl became slave to her Master a set of rules were negotiated. Number’s 1 and 2 on the list were as follows (copied from that which was written by Master and agreed by this girl):

  1. Girl will address her Lord as “Master” or “Lord” or “Sir” at all times.
  2. Girl will speak in the 3rd person and refer to herself in terms such as “this girl” or “your slut”.
When out and she needs to attract the attention of her Master she sometimes calls him by his name and when we are out with friends and family she always does. At all other times though she calls him Master or Lord. She isn’t a fan of the title Sir when speaking to him and isn’t entirely sure why. 

What this girl is less good at though is not using the term I. When in bed, or during play times, this girl finds it easy to refer to herself as this girl, this slut, your bitch or whatever, but during regular conversation this often slips. 

Generally Master ignores what she has said, though he nearly always answers by calling her girl. Sometimes he reminds her. When discussing words beginning with I which might be used in this post it was Master who suggested this word – I – the word that has been abolished.

Given the other word(s) for today and the assertion that we are moving towards a 24/7 existence, this girl is going to focus on abolishing the word I from her vocabulary in conversations with Master. Of course it can’t be avoided elsewhere like at work. But in our life together it can.

Orgasmic

Both were awake, but had no urge to get up yet, it was Sunday after all. She lay on her side behind Him and rested her hand on His leg. He moved it so it brushed his cock.

She ran her fingers gently down the shaft, feeling an immediate response, already it had grown in size. She cupped her fingers around the top and gently rubbed, moving her hand up and down. The cock grew some more and He sighed. She continued for a while, eyes closed, concentrating on what she was doing. The only thing in her mind being His cock. Next she ran her hand down the length of the shaft and located His balls. They had also grown in size and had hardened to her touch. 
He turned onto His back now and faced her. Squeezing one of her pierced nipples and then rolling it between his fingers. Next He moved a hand to her mound. She moved onto her back and opened her legs so that He could gain access. He stroked her clit and then moved His hand so it covered her bush. She felt the need to push against His hand and as she slowly humped Him, so He leaned in and sucked the nipple. Does girl want to cum? He asked. 
Yes please Master.
A few seconds passed, and He began to stroke her clit. She felt the orgasm rise up in her and He stopped stroking. Then He began the count down. Struggling to hold until he reached 0 she came with relief. This time though she was told to continue cumming until He told her to stop. A couple of years ago she would not have believed any of this was possible, but it is and it was happening right now.
“I am going to ask you some questions and I want you to start each sentence with the words This girl” He said. 
If anything these words just made her cum harder. She could feel her hard clit throbbing and could feel her juices gushing. She squeezed her legs together and embraced the wonderful feelings.
“What is your name?” “This girl’s name is this girl”
“Who owns you”? “This girl is owned by Master”
“What is this girl?” “This girl is Master’s slave, His slut, his cunt”
“Does this girl have any limits” “No, the only limits this girl has are those that he decides she should have”.
There was more of this, but it difficult to quite recollect what else was said since the orgasm continued. 
He told her she could stop cumming and He moved on top of her. She opened her legs wide for Him and felt the gloriously hard and large cock penetrate her. “girl is wide open for her Master” He said, a smile on His face. 
“This girl is ready for Master, what with that long orgasm” 
With that He plunged deep inside, taking more of what was His. “I really have reclaimed you” He said. Referring to the post she had written on Saturday. Reclaimed is exactly what this feels that it is. No wonder they had both been quite so horny all weekend.

Limits

On returning from holiday, where access to the internet was often limited and intermittent, I have spent time catching up. It has been great getting up to date with everyone’s blogs, commenting and writing a little. I have also been catching up with posts on Fetlife.

I have a love hate relationship with that place. It should be a great place to meet people and to see what they are up to and discuss mutually interesting topics. But as with other social media it can be a tricky place. People aren’t always treated with respect in the way that they seem to be in our little blog world.

Anyway, the other day I did a bit of clicking from friends to photos and comments they had commented on. Through the whole 6 degrees of separation thing found myself on the profile of someone living not so far from me. This person, friend of a friend of a friend (or whatever) says she is a submissive. Not a slave but a submissive. In her profile she goes into great detail about her wants and desires and about her limits. A very very long list of limits, hard and harder.

The person in question is a submissive while I am Master’s slave. She does talk about wanting to feel controlled, but in a positive way. She talks of pain, but not as punishment and nothing too painful.

This has led me to think about my approach to this whole lifestyle and the fact that I have essentially given up control of what limits I had to another. What is more, it didn’t take me long to do so. There is more to it though, I am not sure that I ever sat down and worked out what those limits were. Part of that is not because I would do everything I was ever told to do by just anyone. But because at my advanced age I have decided it is time to explore my sexuality in a way I never even expected.

It would have been so easy to read other peoples blogs, books and fettle profiles. It would be easy to watch some pornography and look at photos and decide yuk that is not for me. Well, there are things I see and read I am not so sure about but I don’t discount anything without giving it a great deal of thought. But if I had created a long list of definitely won’t do I wouldn’t have experienced the things I have, or the things I might in the future. Instead I have decided to trust the man who is my Master.

It is after all the relationship that is the important thing here, since this isn’t about play. This is about real life and the experiences that make us what we are.

Perhaps the lady whose profile I encountered is really looking for a play partner, I don’t know. But what I do know is that if you don’t open your mind a little you will never fully know what your kinks really are or the extent of your limits. Plus you won’t understand the core of a D/s relationship – the power exchange, the trust that is necessary. For me at least that is what this is about.