Sexual Service

I am kneeling over the sofa. Wearing only a top. My arse and labia are visible and exposed.

I am a sex slave. My role to Master is to provide him with sexual service when he requires it. But also to be ready for him to use me when he wishes. This post is a work of fiction based on a limited amount of reality but mostly reading, fiction and non fiction.

My word of the day is RULES. Every day Master texts me a word or occasionally phrase while we are both at work. At the weekends, if we are home he tells me the word. Corner time is at 4pm which is shortly after I arrive home. I remove my clothes and then kneel on the floor in a corner of our room on a carefully placed pillow. Knees wide, back straight and hands behind my head. The purpose is for me to concentrate on my word while naked and vulnerable. To think about the meaning of the word and it’s relation to my service.

I know the rules by heart. I know that the key purpose of my role as Master’s sex slave is to be his slut and to provide him with sexual service. The rules are in place to make sure I do just that.

Rule number 1

I shall always be available for his use. This means that I do not wear underwear unless he says I should. In effect this means wearing a bra at work. At home I am often naked, unless we expect visitors or it is very cold. I also wear an apron when cooking. There is a certain vulnerability to never wearing panties, especially when I am aroused or hot. I often think others can small my cunt, though no one has ever mentioned it. When sitting I am not to cross my legs, often Master will tell me to sit with them wide open, even when we are out. This can be humiliating, but also a massive turn on.

When he decides I am to provide sexual service, to be used, which is most days, I must thank him. I beg him to use my holes, to come inside my slut body. Or, of course outside if he wishes. Whichever I thank him for the gift of his come.

Rule number 2

I am not allowed to touch my cunt nor come without permission. However Master tells me to touch myself often for his pleasure. This is fine when we are home alone together, less easy when we are out or have people over. Often when we are out eating dinner I will have been instructed to play with my clit. To bring myself close to climax, to edge. One hand on my fork and another on my lap, or so you may think. Other times it will be his fingers that stroke and tease. He studies me closely, watching my cheeks grow pink. He’ll then make me come when we get into the car, there in the car park or by the side of the road.

I am able to control my orgasms quite well, even when he uses the wand on me. But I really have to focus, to concentrate on my submission and remember that he is the owner of my body and my orgasms. He takes great pleasure in making me come the moment he demands. I don’t know how he does that!

Rule number 3

He is known to me as Master or Lord and I am this girl, slut or slave depending on his desires. I understand the meaning of this. I am nothing but the name Master choses to call me. Of course I have a name at work or when with family or vanilla friends. But always I know that I am property. His and his alone. He is my Lord and Master. I worship him and await his need to use me. That isn’t to say that I am not loved, cherished and cared for. Sometimes I am his pet, often his lover. He takes care of me, cooks for me, takes me to lovely places and buys me things. That he owns me is calming, reassuring. It makes me feel safe, wanted. His.

Rule number 4

I have a number of daily tasks, these sometimes change. Each morning I suck his cock if required. I also stand or sit in the shower or bath while he pees on me. I can’t say I enjoy it but I am used to it. It is warm and I have come to appreciate the feeling. I find it arousing, indeed humiliation to me is a massive turn on. After a shower and I have shaved my pussy, legs and underarms, I insert the plug he has chosen for me. This is worn for 2-3 hours so is removed in the bathroom at work. I dress in the way he wishes, often looking quite demure from the outside.

Throughout the day we keep in contact. Be both have busy and demanding jobs, but text a few times. There is usually a photo for me to take and send though.

Rule number 5

I kneel and present myself when Master arrives home

My working day is until 3pm. This fits in well with my sexual service duties and also those around the house. As mentioned above I spend half an hour in quiet contemplation before moving on to any house work and meal preparation. That’s not to say Master doesn’t do his fair share of house work etc. Because he does. He is particularly responsible for food shopping and this is one area where I tell him what might be needed.

Master texts me as he leaves work or the shops and I then prepare for his homecoming. This is a special time for us both. I kneel in the living room and wait in readiness for him. He greets his slave and inspects my body and asks for details of my day. Then he goes to change while I start dinner or put things away. Then he will open wine and we’ll often share the cooking chores.

There was a time when I would spend the evening at his feet while we watched TV or played music and chatted. But now I’m that bit older the sofa has become a better place to be, for us both.

Our evenings tend to be like most other peoples. Except I am usually naked and he is likely to be stroking some part of his property or making me suck his cock as he feels appropriate. Often we will retire to the play room where Master will restrain his slave and torture me. Pain and pleasure are such amazing bedfellows.

This is the life I chose

When we met, I quickly learned what life would be like if we came together as a couple. Master and slave. He was clear that it was a sex slave he desired. One he could use for his pleasure, whether sex or play. We discussed and wrote down our kinks and fetishes. On the day of our collaring ceremony I gave myself willingly to him. My limits are now his. Most decisions (outside work and my family) are his. The body that belonged to me is now his, as are the orgasms and control. He has total power over me and this is the life I chose. My role is to provide sexual service to my Lord.

Forced to orgasm

So much is written about denial. Not being allowed to come is a major part of many D/s dynamics. The need that exists within in the person being denied, and being edged and then denied again. Being forced to orgasm several or even many times is quite something too. Both are about power and control. Of one person over another. This is often what lies at the heart of a Dominance and submission dynamic.

Restrained

Imagine you are that woman secured to the St Andrew’s cross. The leather cuffs are each lined with soft fabric, and these encase your wrists and ankles. You are attached to the cross by hooks that have been clipped onto the cuffs at each point. Your nipples have been clamped, as has your clitoris. The three are joined by a chain that jangles across your tummy. You have a butt plug in your arse and a dildo inserted into your cunt.

Then imagine you don’t actually know where your tormentor is or how long you have been secured like this. You are blindfolded and have a raunchy madonna track emanating from headphones.

Your senses are confused. On the one hand you are anxious, after all you don’t know what is coming next. But damn it, you are horny. Especially when the dildo starts to move, up and down, in and out of your wet cunt. The sense of social isolation feels weird, you call out, but no one speaks. Instead the music changes, it’s something slower, more sensual. Hold, by Vera. How apt you think. You let the music wrap itself around you after all this is your lover now. The rhythm of the dildo continues, tracing a steady path.

Tortured

Suddenly it starts. The unmistakable sound of the wand. Buzzing loudly, just detectable over the music. He is there now, in front of you and even though you can’t see him, or feel him yet. You know it.

At first this is just the feeling you need. Direct stimulation on your clitoris that you have needed all along. The pressure from your full vagina and arse has been building and now you feel release just around the corner. You press your cunt onto the bulb of the wand. All the time the dildo slides in and out, but now it feels less tight, more wet. That’s because of the fluid you are producing from inside course. The orgasm rises from deep inside and knowing you’ve agreed that you don’t need to ask for permission that need fills every space. Crying out to the unseen man, “Thank you Sir” you say. He moves the wand away and you wait to be released from your restraints.

But, that isn’t what this sadist is planning. Far from it.

He begins to stroke you. Neck, shoulders, arms, tummy and then around the shaved mound. Finally he strokes your swollen clit and at the same time releases one of the nipple clamps and then sucks hard, giving some warmth and relief. “Come” He says and you just do. Its a surprise because it isn’t what you expected to happen.

Forced to orgasm multiple times

He removes the other two clamps and caresses his property gently then more roughly. Biting your nipples one after the other, while rubbing your sore clit.

The buzzing starts again, just as the music changes. Senses are now at the very edge of pleasure and pain. Again your clit responds, even though you would rather it didn’t. You know your body wants and needs this while at the same time you wish you could run away. The sadist takes 3 more orgasms from that sensitive and painful body, before the dildo stops moving. Gradually and gently he removes the restraints and then carries you over to the nearby bed.

Without the blindfold you can now look him in the eye. He is grinning as he crouches over you, legs astride, your still twitching body. You kiss deeply and passionately.

“My slut” he says. “My wanton beautiful slut” I expect you’ve had enough for now, that you have no need for cock. Your mind screams to over rule your sore and tired body. “Please Sir, yes I do. I need your cock inside my slutty body” He moves your hand to feel his dick, already oozing with pre-cum. Slowly he pushes inside you and begins to thrust in and out. Suddenly you don’t feel as if you have orgasmed at all today. The pressure begins to build, this time around the safety of your owner, the man with the power and control. Once again you are forced to orgasm. You have no control.

Mindset

Our dynamic is about power, control and mind games. I say games, because to begin with it feels like it. Where someone is seeking to get you to conform to their way of thinking, to make you behave in certain ways and to develop a mindset. For me the mindset of a submissive, of a slave. Looking back this was always a conscious thing on both sides.

Before I met Master, there had been a few times when I had found myself in a submissive space, usually after an intense sex session. I also knew I responded well to instructions, In the right context. In that relationship, (2012 to the end of 2013), we used certain rituals to create the right mindset. Wearing certain clothes (and underwear) and shoes. Kneeling for him as soon as I arrived. So, while I wasn’t someone who usually liked to be told what to do, I found myself embracing his dominance.

A submissive mindset

With Master though it was different. From the very beginning his approach was psychological. Our physical attraction to each other came through our conversations about Dominance and submission. He says he felt my submission almost before he laid a finger on me. It was almost like he had a power over me. Our first date was in February, it was wet and cold and we strolled into a disused church. By the time he touched my bottom and pressed his erection against my cunt I’d have gladly taken my jeans down there and then. For me, sexual arousal and submissive mindset are clearly linked. I had brought that knowledge from the previous relationship and found it to be true here. A couple of weeks later I discovered how powerful BDSM play could be in sending me into subspace.

A name

Within days I was referring to myself in the third person while we were together and soon here on my blog too. To him I was and remain this girl, His pleasing bitch. The latter took a little longer to form but to this day, Master rarely refers to me as Julie, except to others.

I wouldn’t claim to remain in some submissive mindset all of the time. Once, I probably did most of the time we spent together. But now of course we live together and have regular stuff to do. But when we have sex, when we play or when the mood takes him a few words are uttered and I am back in that place. Back being this girl, slut, slave and his bitch. What’s more the names aren’t just used when in bed and so he has the power to pull me up short just by calling me this girl. And not only when we are alone, at home.

The right mindset

But having said that, there are times when it doesn’t work. When it takes effort on both our parts to create the right feeling. This was more of a thing when I was working, on Friday nights I needed a bit more persuasion (and alcohol) to get into the mood. Another challenge can be my mum who definitely gets me into a mood very easily.

I’ve mentioned recently about changes to my orgasms, that I don’t feel the need for so many and that they can’t always be forced. This can be challenging since multiple orgasms definitely put me into a submissive space. And if you can’t force one out there won’t be lots. But true to form Master is finding ways around my resistant body, which can’t help but respond to strong vibrations.

A successful Dominant / submissive relationship requires brining together physical actions with the right mindset and making those two things happen at the same time can take a bit of effort. However it does make for an interesting life and is rarely dull.

tellmeabout

Control

Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world

This week’s Tell me about prompt is Control. This is a topic I’ve written about a lot and the fact that Master has control over me is fundamental to us and our relationship. Looking back to the beginning of our relationship, that has always been the case. It is what attracted us to each other and what sustains us. This post was written a little more than a month after we started setting each other.

Control in daily life

In the post I talk about the first day we went out together without me knowing our destination. He told me to trust him and just go with the flow. At the time I was almost control freakish about my life. Planning was a priority, so there would be no unexpected events. Getting on a train and then bus with no idea of a final destination? Who does that? Later we moved on to him choosing food and wine for us both. Then in June of that year he booked a short break for us and for the first time win my adult life I didn’t know where we were going. Actually I had to pick one of three destinations he had written down but, then Master booked flights and hotels. This is the way he tends to organise our trips away even now.

Because we are together all of the time there are fewer surprises than during those early days. Plus, I tend to choose my own meals when we are out these days, plus collaborate on tapas style food. But I don’t tend to know what wine is arriving. When we are out on public transport Master holds the tickets, though in London I use my own card for contactless payments. He books theatre and exhibitions and the first I know is a diary invite. Though that doesn’t mean I can’t request something we might do. For example we recently saw the new Mary Poppins musical which I read about first.

These are small subtle ways in which control is maintained in everyday life. In bed though it is more overt.

Control in the bedroom and playroom

I am Master’s slave, his sex toy and play thing. I am always submissive in those situations and he is always my dominant. No one seeing us would mistake that fact. If I fight my submission in other parts of my life, this is one that I really don’t. I have gladly given up control of my orgasms and indeed my limits to Him, my Master. His control there is absolute. However that doesn’t mean I’m not a bit of a brat at times, trying to top from the bottom. But in the end, he has the control and that’s the way we both like it.

I’ve never been very good at leading during sex (though I have no problems in other areas of life). So, being able to handover decisions about how a sex or play session will go appeals. Luckily he usually has a clear idea of what he wants and expects from me and I am usually a willing participant.

The lives of others

I have no desire to be involved in controlling the lives of other people. I’m done with doing a job where I had to manage petiole and make decisions affecting them. I’m happy to no longer be married to a man who needed me to tell him what to do and where to be all the time. My son is grown up and married and while I might guide and advise, I don’t seek to control. My mum needs a certain level of support, but isn’t one to listen much to the advice of others, even when she should.

So, right now the level of control in my life is just where I want it. I hope it continues.

tellmeabout

Commitment

What to right about for C? The two obvious contenders were control and collar, but I have written about both recently. Then I thought about contract, so I went looking for posts about our contract and found only two. Then it struck me that the key word for today should be commitment. In June 2015 I wrote this:

It would be true to say that all the time she has been seeing Master things have gradually evolved. To begin with, the knowledge that this was likely to be a short term relationship played on this girl’s mind. This meant she tried to be mindful of her place in His life and the place of the person who was His primary slave. No long term plans were made, and this girl did her best to live by the day. The piercings were something she wanted and she paid for, plus they are only as permanent as you wish them to be. While no specific limits were put in place, neither this girl nor Master pushed for anything that suggested a long term commitment.


But now, we both acknowledge that what we have now is different. This girl says that we acknowledge it, but actually it hasn’t been discussed. The fact is that:
There is no other person
We plan our lives around each other
We are increasingly think of each other before anything is planned
Kinky discussions indicate that this girl has given all control to Master and that this is not just about the bedroom


What has changed is that:
This girl is willing to admit now that the piercings belong to Master and always did
Increasingly she wishes to make no decisions other than those relating to her work and her family
She is willing to cut her hair to His requirements and in the future will consider shaving her head
She is willing to open up their relationship in whatever way He sees fit
She wants a tattoo that will signify His ownership
She wants to wear His collar and wear it 24/7
She recognises her status as His 24/7 slave, whether they are together or not
She thinks of herself as this girl, an owned, registered slave
This girl wonders if it is time to review the contract agreed last year and for this girl to agree some new rules?

Reflections on commitment and the post above

At that time I wrote my blog in the third person. Early in the relationship Master ‘suggested’ that if, when we were alone together I did so then it would help me with my submission. To be able to do that I wrote my blog posts in the third person too.

Master gave me, and we agreed, a contract in the summer of 2014. But at the time he was still involved in another M/s relationship. So things felt temporary. That didn’t mean I ignored the rules but I didn’t imagine it would turn into a serious commitment to each other.

By summer 2015 though, things were different. My role as his slave was no longer something that I did at weekends and on holiday. Instead it was who I was (and am) all day every day. It was also when Master presented me with his collar, something I have worn most days since. This symbol of what I meant to him was an important marker for both of us. It signified he had no intention of looking elsewhere (except for play) and that he wanted to take care of me. The collar felt like a safety net, something that freed me from the rest of the world.

By making a commitment to each other in this way we were able to start to plan for a life when we could be together all of the time. But also, as seen in the post above, I declared I was ready to be the slave he wanted. Power and control are important elements of our M/s relationship. That I would modify my body and hair for him was an indicator that I was serious and that I recognised that this is not a game. It is our real life.

Most people don’t know what the collar means. But when they meet us they can see we are a couple and that we are committed to each other. At their peril do people try to come between us since we are something of a force to be reckoned with.

Talking dirty

I’m not a vocal person when I’m having sex. But just because I don’t scream with pleasure, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. Nor does it mean that I am not aroused or not about to come. Given the choice I would internalise all of the feelings I have about what I am doing and just allow them to wash over me. But I don’t really have the choice, since Master demands a reaction from me. During sex he will be talking dirty and when he does, I do too.

Running commentary

Master likes to tell me exactly what he is doing to me and how it is making him feel. If his cock is deep inside me he will let me know how deep it is and how wet I am. These tend to be things I already know, but the fact he is telling me concentrates my mind. He loves to talk about breeding me, which is something I would have liked too, if we had met sooner. This is one of his fantasies and I actually find it reassuring, it shows he loves me that much.

Much of what he says though could be described as both dirty and degrading, if you were of that mind. He call’s me a bitch and a slut and asks me who I am and if I am his. He derives enormous power from the things I say to him, that I am his slave, his pleasing bitch, his slut. You see I am not just any bitch or slut, but HIS and that is what is important. His dominance over me is confirmed for him when I am talking dirty to him, especially as my natural stat is not to speak at all. This confirms his power and authority and in that moment he is not only my Master, but my Lord too.

How talking dirty feels to me

When I tell Master that I am his pleasing bitch it reaffirms my submission. Reminds me of the slave I agreed to be and am. It helps me to focus on him and on nothing else and to remember who is the boss here. I am a consenting and willing participant, but he is in charge and calls the shots. I am there to please him, to be the slut he wants and needs. Uttering those words puts me into a space I don’t tend to inhabit all of the time.

That means that while most of our dirty talk takes place in the bedroom, or perhaps playroom there are other times. He might come up behind me, hold me and whisper in my ear: “who’s bitch are you” and of course I will answer that I am his. He rarely calls me Julie, but instead girl. This is all part of his belief that I remember my submission better if I am constantly reminded of it. Knowing that I am this girl really does focus me. And when he calls me bitch or slut instead of girl, my cunt clenches and submission becomes sexual arousal. Which I guess is all part of what I am and who I am. Master’s Pleasing Bitch, sex slave to her Master.

Power through control

He likes to exercise control over me and all aspects of his and our life. This really is who he is. While he will do things at my suggestion, I know he likes to come up with ideas first. Through the control he has over me, I know he feels power. He tells me that when he controls me he feels his domination and my submission. Sometimes, in the right situation this power arouses him sexually and in turn it does me too. 

It’s funny because in the past I hated to be out of control. To have others tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Indeed in a work situation I can still get a little tetchy if I think someone is trying to control me. But over the last (almost) 5 years I have willingly given control to him. I have consented to be his slave and to allow him to make decisions on my behalf. 

There are 13 other posts on this blog labelled in the category of control. Most were written in the first year or two of our relationship. At a time when I was learning about my needs and of course his. Then I thought about control a lot. Recognising for the first time that there was no need to micromanage myself and everyone else around me. The key thing I recognise as I write this post today, is how far along this journey I have travelled. 

So often now, I don’t even worry about decision making. I just expect him to take the lead. He books concerts and theatre trips and puts them in the diary. He makes suggestions about places we might go and before I know what has happened we are on our way. Hotels are booked, sightseeing organised and quite often I just turn up, guide book in hand. But the strange thing is, it doesn’t feel like he is doing anything different or odd. There is no malice involved, just a desire to be the one that decides things. And I am pretty happy to just let that happen. 

In bed he willingly takes the lead. It isn’t that I can’t or don’t want to, but he just does it. Telling me to get on my knees can be so powerful, for us both. When he comes up behind me as I am standing at the window or in the kitchen and lays his hands on my shoulders or hips. I can feel the control he has over me, a physical and emotional thing. Something I can almost see and which I always know is there. 

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The rediscovery of my submission

Master reminded me on Friday night that we have hardly used my birthday present from last year.  For various reasons I have ridden this beautiful toy only once or twice. It’s purchase dates back to my experiences at the Secret Dungeon a few months before for his birthday. I could never have imagined just how much fun you could have fucking a machine. While the one at the secret dungeon was a sybian, more sophisticated, not to mention automated, this one relies on the user to do the work.

The fucking machine

Back to Friday night. I hadn’t realised quite how turned on I was just discussing the fact that we hadn’t used this fucking machine for several months. But by the time I had put the dildo in place, applied the condom and slid onboard I was pretty aroused. The dildo slid easily in and out of my  wet cunt as I moved backwards and forwards. As Master stood over me, playing with my nipples, sucking me and pinching I knew an orgasm wasn’t far away. 

He stroked my clit and counted down and I came to his demand. Sliding a finger into may arse, he demanded another and more. “Whose slut are you?” 

“This girl is Master’s slut”

The magic words came easily to my mouth. After months of me and I suddenly it was about ‘this girl’ about ‘His pleasing bitch’, ‘slave’. He became Lord and Master, the words falling from easily my tongue During sex I never have problems remembering who I am, of saying what is expected, but somehow this was different. It was as if for months ‘this girl’ had been sitting outside of my body, watching as I went about my crazy life. All at once she crashed into Julie and a submissive was awoken. All of a sudden I was telling Master that more control was needed, that I was proud to be his slave and wanted more of this. More sex, more orgasms, more time on the sex machine. But also rules. More, much more time remembering I am a slave. His slave.

This girl going forward

Today, sober (we had drunk quite a bit of wine) but also not high on the endorphins of recent orgasms I have had time to reflect. After 4 years as Master’s slave it feels as if I am starting from scratch. Learning again what it means to be his property, not just in bed or on a fucking machine, but in everything. 

The machine seems a good leveller. I defy anyone to strip naked, sit on the dildo and begin to rock while their Dominant watches and not feel the need to concentrate. I remember looking up at him as he stood naked in front of me, stroking his cock. I remember him asking me over and over again to repeat who I am, who he is. I remember the feeling of submission sweeping over me and I remember asking for the magic wand. For a different kind of orgasm. 

Life is not all about sex and fucking machines. It isn’t all about Dominance and submission but in this relationship those things are important. Very likely increasingly so. For us, this toy may enable us to get back to being the people we need to be and on a daily basis. Please.

Master’s concerns

There have been some times recently when I have gone a little off the rails. These have usually been when I have found myself alone after having been with Master for a period of time either here or at his house. Nothing serous has happened, but generally I have had a little too much wine and then got myself into an emotional place that I really don’t want to get into. The result is usually me sending him texts which in the morning I can’t remember sending. I can’t put my finger on exactly why these things have happened, but I know that he finds the texting reminiscent with his previous slave who was pretty high maintenance. 

I say reminiscent, but actually I am pretty sure that a drunken lapse on 2 or 3 occasions is nothing like what he experienced previously (I have to say here that she was never drunk, but did send long messages, and then more messages if they weren’t responded to immediately). What is more I am pretty self sufficient in most of my life, and am perfectly capable of making sound decisions outside  of our relationship.
This Sunday I broke the previous 2 week cycle (can 2 weeks actually be a cycle) and was neither drunk or needy. Any texts were just part of our usual conversation. 
But none the less, last night he expressed his concern that he was in some way to blame for any behaviour lapses on my part. 
Over the past several months Master has been suffering from a shoulder problem. Predominantly pain in his right shoulder which he has struggled to cope with. Of course being the person he is, no actual diagnosis has been obtained since he hasn’t actually sought medical help. As someone who used to work in rheumatology, I do know however that these kinds of problems often have to run their course and that any medication or physiotherapy treats the symptoms but that the actual problem sorts itself out in the fullness of time. 
This shoulder problem has affected Master’s willingness and ability to take part in any impact play with me, his slave. There have been precious few times this year when the violet wand or the hitachi wand has come out and I am not sure when I was last tied up or flogged. 
But we have been extremely busy this year. We have been on two wonderful holidays, we have had a number of weekends away, we have been out on numerous days and nights out. We have attended a munch regularly and are generally out more than we are home when together. I work full time and have my mum to manage / care for too. I also have an ex husband who is struggling with the final stages of our break up.
Personally I don’t believe I have been neglected in any way. I am not unhappy with our relationship in any way. I love the sex and play, but I love our time together much much more.
If I act out from time to time it is because I sometimes lack a little self restraint when I am alone. But from where I sit, I don’t think that is a massive problem.
I hope he agrees.