The best part of today was………….
What are you grateful for?
There is so much to be grateful for in my life as it is right now.
Master – that we approach our second anniversary and having stood the test of time we are together and closer than ever. I know I say this a lot, but I am happier than I ever imagined. That I can express my submission to Him in the way I do gives me so much pleasure. I am His and that feels good.
My lifestyle – I have a good job that pays well. This means I can easily pay my way and enjoy life. It also means I can help my son when he needs it and I can go and buy clothes (and other things) if I want to.
The fact that things with ex-hubby are getting easier, who knows this might be the year that I draw this whole thing to a close.
My family – My mum (though god knows she tests that gratitude frequently), my brothers, nieces and nephews. My wonderful son and his girlfriend, the fact they are happily getting their own life together and that he no longer relies on me and is as happy as he is.
The holidays – I always wanted to travel to new places and now I can and do. I love the places we go and the places we see.
My apartment in France – While it is currently a bit of a drain on resources it will be a source of income and a way of providing some pension in the future. It is also a haven, a place to go and to enjoy and it has given me some experiences I would never otherwise have had.
New experiences – That Master let me into his ‘world’; his interests – films, music, history, art, travel and in turn I have made him experience mine! Including the family!
Wine – I know I sometimes drink too much of it, but thank goodness for the grape and the work that those who make such amazing wine do. Ditto for good food!
Slimming world – The slimming club I joined last April and the friends I have made there who are helping me to counterbalance the wine and food described above.
Happiness – I am happier than I ever imagined I would or could be.
There have been some times recently when I have gone a little off the rails. These have usually been when I have found myself alone after having been with Master for a period of time either here or at his house. Nothing serous has happened, but generally I have had a little too much wine and then got myself into an emotional place that I really don’t want to get into. The result is usually me sending him texts which in the morning I can’t remember sending. I can’t put my finger on exactly why these things have happened, but I know that he finds the texting reminiscent with his previous slave who was pretty high maintenance.
It’s a bank holiday here in the UK. Wonderful, time to relax and enjoy the end of summer, lovely sunny days soon to end. For us, here in the UK it seems that summer is already ended and this morning when Master and girl woke it was dull, cool and rainy out. But every rain cloud has a silver lining, as a holiday means no work for this girl and so the chance to drift back to sleep. At some point, reasonably early in the morning, Master began to stroke his girl between her legs. “You like this don’t you slut?” He asked. Of course she likes it, who wouldn’t. The girl lay back and enjoyed the feelings wash over her, allowed herself to relax into His touch and arousal to sweep around her body. She knew her clitoris was enlarging as it became engorged and that she was becoming wet to His touch. The idea of cumming didn’t occur to her and He didn’t suggest she could or should. Instead they both drifted back to sleep. The girl was pretty sure that without Master’s touch that might not have happened.
His control over this girl is often subtle rather than overt. This girl reads the blogs and fetlife posts of other submissives and slaves and can see that often their lives involve more in the way of overt discipline and rules. The power and control Master exerts over this girl feels a little different.
Make no mistake though, He really does have total control. What is more, looking back this girl can see that just how much she has changed since she came into Master’s control. She can see how she has become the calmer person He wanted her to be, that she is no longer someone who seeks control in any part of her life in the way that she did. Work becomes a new experience when you are committed while you are there but generally you leave the office and have no desire to worry about things till the next day. Letting go to perceived responsibilities around family can be more difficult, but generally this girl can say that she is better at that part of her life these days.
This girl has however been wondering about some of the decisions she makes away from her relationship with Master and whether she is still a little too inclined to make decisions without discussion. Also whether she should be asking for permission to make some of those decisions. It is easier to know what is right and wrong when we are together, generally there are no decisions to be made then. But where Master is not involved, then what? No doubt, when Master reads this, we will have that conversation.
When we are together though, there is no doubt. He totally gets off on the power He has over this girl. But His style is pretty low key. This girl does as she knows He wants mostly without being told. Expressing her own opinion is often described as brattiness, which of course it is. Mostly though the brattiness is not serious, since there is an understanding of what the rules of engagement are. He starts conversations with words like “do you want to”, but of course they are not intended to be a question, they are a statement. The fact that this girl understands this and feels no need to challenge any part of it is an important difference from what went before.
Sometimes though instructions do not come as a question. This morning He told this girl to put in her butt plug before we had sex. Made it clear that she was to face the mirrored wardrobes when she was on top. Told her how her submission gives Him the power and control He needs.
Next week this girl if off to France with her mum who needs to have some time away from home as we approach the first anniversary of dad’s death. Time without the overt control that Master gives when we are together and a time when His control from afar will be needed. But control all the same and this girl will know it is there.
This girl, this slave, was used by her Master this morning.
It would be true to say that all the time she has been seeing Master things have gradually evolved. To begin with, the knowledge that this was likely to be a short term relationship played on this girl’s mind. This meant she tried to be mindful of her place in His life and the place of the person who was His primary slave. No long term plans were made, and this girl did her best to live by the day. The piercings were something she wanted and she paid for, plus they are only as permanent as you wish them to be. While no specific limits were put in place, neither this girl nor Master pushed for anything that suggested a long term commitment.
But now, we both acknowledge that what we have now is different. This girl says that we acknowledge it, but actually it hasn’t been discussed. The fact is that:
There is no other person
We plan our lives around each other
We are increasingly think of each other before anything is planned
Kinky discussions indicate that this girl has given all control to Master and that this is not just about the bedroom
What has changed is that:
This girl is willing to admit now that the piercings belong to Master and always did
Increasingly she wishes to make no decisions other than those relating to her work and her family
She is willing to cut her hair to His requirements and in the future will consider shaving her head
She is willing to open up their relationship in whatever way He sees fit
She wants a tattoo that will signify His ownership
She wants to wear His collar and wear it 24/7
She recognises her status as His 24/7 slave, whether they are together or not
She thinks of herself as this girl, an owned, registered slave
This girl wonders if it is time to review the contract agreed last year and for this girl to agree some new rules?
Master has bought this girl two NJOY butt plugs – smallish and largish. Of all of the rules that appear in this girl’s contract, wearing the plug as required might be the thing she complies with the least. This is not because she wishes to be disrespectful or disobedient, but because if the context within which this rule was introduced and the sheer speed with which this girl’s life progresses.
When the contract was agreed, this girl was part of a three way polyamourous relationship in which she was a minor player. The primary slave was experiencing problems in her ability to trust Master in His relationship with this girl and in coping with their own long distance relationship. At times this girl struggled with the ending of her own marriage, the imminent death of her father and then being part of a polyamourous relationship.
Fast forward a year or so and the situation is different.
This girl’s marriage is over, all but the divorce. This girl’s dad has passed away and while there are ongoing problems in supporting her mum and the wider family that aspect of life is, in the main, less stressful. The other woman is no long part of Master’s life.
So, that thing – the butt plug – which used to help this girl cope with so many difficult situations – is not required for that reason.
Of course it is useful in keeping this girl’s body ready for Master’s needs. But somehow, that has also become less of an issue.
Last night though, this girl had something of a melt down. Work and mum stress got on top of her. She struggled to work out how she could fit Master’s needs into that scenario and acted out.
Yes, there was brattiness. Yes she wined and moaned.
Master’s response, other than talking her round over Skype was to
suggest Instruct her to insert one of her plugs.
This girl has to report that the impact was pretty much instantaneous. The stressy feelings began to recede and she began to see things more clearly.
A side effect however was, that at 3am when this girl got up to go to the toilet, she needed to provide Master with an orgasm – He wasn’t there, but the rule is, that so long as she tells Him afterwards she is allowed to cum in such a situation.
Damn it, He is right. That plug is beyond useful and needs to be worn much more.
A few weeks ago we registered this girl as Master’s slave. Interestingly around a similar time to fiona. Even though the decision to make this girl His slave came many months ago, Master and this girl have taken their time in working through the details. There has been a contract since last summer and in the autumn the slave bracelet.
This is of course partly because at the time the relationship was a polyamorous one. Plus there were so many things going on in this girl’s life.
All relationships need time to develop, and this one was no exception. Now though, this girl believes we are ready for the next steps. Registering as Master’s slave was the first of those.
For some time, this girl has been asking Master for a bit more control, perhaps some more rules. She is mindful that His previous slave was particularly high maintenance and that He is a person who doesn’t do micro management. In the main, she is able to manage herself during day to day life. But she does feel that too often she still does things without consulting and checking He would be happy. She often doesn’t ask permission to do things, but still tells Him her plans. This girl thinks that this is the area of her life that needs to change, just a little.
We don’t live together, so this is not a 24/7 relationship. But Master’s influence is present in her mind most of the time.
As this girl moves towards the day when Master collars her, a review of the rules within which she operates see to be a reasonable idea.
We are going on holiday in a week and will be gone for two weeks. This feels like a good time for evaluation and renegotiation.
This girl is definitely ready for that next step in her slave journey.
A lot is being written about submission at the moment, much of it in the context of the whole 50 Shades of Grey hype. It has been good to see articles in newspapers and magazines written by those who live this lifestyle themselves. It has also led to a number of bloggers writing on the topic themselves.
For much of the time we have been together, this relationship has been conducted in private. First in play and in the bedroom and then within the confines of our homes. This doesn’t mean that Master hasn’t always touched His girl – a feel of her bottom or nipple for example – while they are out in public. This girl is required to dress without underwear when we are together, unless she seeks permission. Master prefers access to this girl’s body at all times, though He is relaxed about her wearing trousers etc during winter. The feel of His hand on this girl’s bare bottom as we walk along together helps to remind her of her submission, what is more, she finds it arousing and she loves Him to turn her on in this way. Now though we are branching out, we have started to attend a local munch regularly and this girl has asked Master to consider a play party for them to attend soon. When it happens, it will be her first time playing in public in front of others and also to watch other people. This girl feels that it will be an important step for her, but probably something she needs to do.
This girl’s submission is increasingly about the power that Master has taken from her and which He exerts over her. It is an ever present aspect of their relationship together. For Master, the power exchange is what arouses Him, indeed it is at the core of who He is. He doesn’t look for, nor get any kind of doormat, but we both know who is in charge in this relationship. For the first time in her life, this girl is able to go through whole days of her life without making much in the way of a decision. This is highly liberating for someone who thought she was a control freak. Often in restaurants these days, this girl barely glances at the menu, and never bothers to look at the wine list since she never chooses the wine anyway. That power exchange though is not always an overt thing, something that can be seen by others, it is implicit, at the centre of who we are, an ever present undercurrent to our everyday life.
Master’s kinks are increasingly becoming this girl’s kinks. Luckily, she is willing to try most things once (at least), she trusts that He will keep her safe and so puts herself into His safe hands. So when she dresses for His pleasure, when she lies down in the playroom and He experiments with the new attachments on His violent wand, when she pisses on Him or he on Her the pleasure He feels becomes hers. This girl is there for Him, to be used yes, but also to reap the benefits and to enjoy her submission.
There are outward signs of ownership; the piercings and the bracelet. In the future there will very likely be a tattoo of some kind and hopefully a collar. He would like a slave with very short hair, maybe shaved, He may not get that from this girl (but never say never).
But really this girl’s submission is not about those things. This submissive craves Master’s Dominance and He her submission. Who knows where all of this is going to lead? Maybe it is about the journey though, not the ultimate destination.