6 months ago i had hardly considered whether i was submissive or not So for me this is an interesting question and one i have given quite a bit of thought to.
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
The quick answer is that as soon as i started to research the whole are of Dominance and submission, i just knew that i was. The longer answer would be that once i started to research by reading articles, blogs and books, i found that i identified with submission so much that i was drawn towards it. When i met Sir and we started to do some of the things we had discussed online and on the phone, it felt like i was finding myself and could become the person i have been seeking to be through it. There is the sexual side to submission; giving myself to Sir’s cock – particularly during anal sex or if i am kneeling to take him in my mouth – that feel submissive to me. i am turned on by the thoughts and the actions, but aroused more by the submissive nature of those acts. The same is true when i am restrained or if sir puts nipple clamps on me. On one hand the act itself is arousing, but the fact that it confirms my submission makes it feel more so. But submission is not just about sex and when we are together i find that i want to submit in other ways. i want to be told to do things and i want to be told what to wear. i don’t live the lifestyle all of the time, so these things still have a sexual element to them, but i have the feeling that they are also integral to me, in that moment, and at that time.
So i have decided i am submissive but how really did i know? How, despite the fact that i can be a dominant character in other ways, did i know that i am not a dominant or even a switch. Perhaps it is because i have always felt that when i take a dominant role at work or even at home, that i am acting, i am taking on a role. Even though some of the submissive acts i take part in are role play, i don’t feel that part of it is acting. The submission then feels in built.
Why did it take so long to come out? Well i think the potential was there before, but i didn’t act upon it. To begin with i didn’t know, then there were other things going on and finally i tried not to consider it. i did however read up about various aspects of BDSM, i was curious but i wasn’t sure that i could consider any aspect of it.
In my marriage there have been opportunities for hubby to become dominant, i suspect at one time we might have developed TTWD as a couple. He liked to spank me from time to time, and often would hold me down during sex. But we never pursued it. Things happened in our relationship that damaged the way i viewed him and the way in which we pursued our sex life. Now our relationship feels pretty platonic. i don’t feel submissive with him as i do with Sir, so maybe you have to be with the right person for that aspect of your personality to emerge.
i had written day one yesterday before i realised i had said too much about my submission for the question and that i was actually answering day 2’s question as well. Also i have written quite a lot about this specific question recently. Lets see then if i can come up with something different from before. So here goes:
Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
My marriage is not about dominance and submission, however i probably submit to a certain amount of domestic discipline since i pretty much do everything and hubby does nothing. He doesn’t always ask for things but tells and for a reason best known to myself (or until recently not known) i just do it. For years i fought against what i saw as laziness and i ranted and i raved. i have been married for a very long time, and have only ever lived with him and i don’t generally do that any more. i accept this is how things are and just do it. i am not sure if this is submission at all, but i suspect it demonstrates i had submissive tendencies all along.
With Sir, as i have said here, and before, i am naturally submissive. Much of the time we are together, as there is not nearly enough of it, is one one long scene with interludes for food, a walk or to sleep. We slip in and out of the Dom/sub roles during that time, but it is never far away. The beauty of this is that there is the anticipation that something could be about to happen. We could be eating some lunch, chatting about our children or about something inane and then he will say: i think you should get changed into this outfit, go and get changed. And i do. Increasingly i love to submit to him, i love to kneel before him when i arrive to see him, to feel the collar around my neck, to feel his hands reclaiming what is his. i love the things he says to me to claim me: you are mine slut, ready for me to do with as i wish.
I never would have imagined that i would want to do this given that i have felt like something of a door mat for years. But this is definitely very different. Sir hates me to wait on him in say the kitchen, he doesn’t want me making him tea (though no doubt at some time i will), and he doesn’t want me cleaning up after him (yipee). But he does want me to remember that when we are together i am there to submit to him when he wants, where he wants and how he wants. This can be thrilling, painful or humiliating (or all three) often too it is extremely erotic and i am learning to love it.
Many other bloggers have posted their 30 days of submission and it feels to me that the time is right for me to start mine. If i can keep this going most days i should be able to finish by the time i go off on holiday on September 24th; we shall see.
So day 1:
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I started my relationship with Sir knowing that he was a Dominant and that he wanted me to be his submissive. This essentially takes place within the confines of the bedroom (or whatever room or venue we happen to be in), but also spreads into online scenes, phone calls. This feels like a kind of planned submission. We are not quite playing a game, but we are part of an agreed arrangement within the context of which we are submissive and Dominant.
Having said that, my submission and his dominance spreads beyond that. We can be discussing a topic, having a pretty usual, vanilla type of conversation when suddenly he will get all Dom on me and call me slut or whore and i am putty in his hands and immediate submissive. At the same time i might sit on the stool in his kitchen (for example), and spread my legs (no knickers) in the way he likes and he might turn round, see me and again he is my Dom and i am his sub.
i would say that the longer that time goes on, and the more time we spend together (in real life, online, on the phone) then the move our relationship develops into one where i am more submissive and he is more Dominant. This is partly because we are trying out new things, he is teaching me more about my kinky, submissive side and the trust we have in each other grows.