Taste and decency

Perceptions of taste and decency change over time. Many of us have (or had) Tumblr accounts, certainly before the recent policy change. Their ban on ‘adult content‘ seeks to exclude anything deemed pornographic – in particular photos and videos showing human genitals and female presenting nipples. Although I downloaded my Tumblr content and have uploaded it elsewhere, I still have my tumblr account. Soon after the ban came into force I went through and removed most content deemed unsuitable. I appealed one photo which just showed my neck and shoulders, no nipples.

Since then my posts have continued to automatically upload, with some surprising results. This was deemed unsuitable, while this wasn’t. They use AI algorithms which are meant to highlight what doesn’t meet the new regulations and leave the rest. Art is meant to be ok as is breast feeding and mastectomy scars. I presume I’d need to keep my other breast hidden if I wanted to post a photo of the latter though.

Art galleries are full of pictures of people’s naked and semi naked bodies and what is acceptable and desirable changes. Sometimes due to fashion and other times due to rules on decency. The photo below is of a painting called Phyllis and Demophoön, by Edward Burne Jones. In 1870, it was deemed distasteful, both for the full frontal male nudity and androgynous nature of the figures. This seems strange now, because it is art and anyway his genitals are rather difficult to see. I wonder though if it is ok for Tumblr.

February Photofest

Thoughts of distress

Do you now find, or have you ever found, anything distressing or uncomfortable about your sexual thoughts, fantasies, desires, or actions? Is there anything that you want or need that you have trouble asking for or are reticent to admit because it makes you blush? Have you had any experiences that have caused you embarrassment?

For an apparently liberated woman, my mother was oddly repressed. Especially when it came to discussing sex and relationships with us children. She was keen that I didn’t sleep with my boyfriend, mainly because that way I wouldn’t get pregnant. She used to tell me and my brothers not to touch ourselves, I don’t know why. What I am sure about it that they ignored her, but I did as she said, at least for a while. The thought of upsetting her caused me more distress than not doing what I wanted.

The embarrassment of youthful sexual feelings and desire are long gone. But there is still something a little repressed about me. Even the me who is willing to strip naked for her lover before he applies restraints and then photographs her. I still find it difficult to ask for what I want and need. Half the time this is because I really don’t know and the other half because of some long held belief that it is wrong for girls to ask. Good and nice girls that is.

Back in the early days of marriage I was probably more forward with my desires. But later on after he had watched porn videos I struggled with the idea I should copy anything ‘those girls’ did. I do still have a problem with that. Master will sit watching porn on his phone and if it looks or sounds too false to me I find it a little embarrassing. Something deep inside me says, don’t look at that, it’s wrong. But of course it isn’t wrong and it is only as false as any acted film. The thing that I hate is the noises some of the participants make which seem incredibly fake. But who am I to judge whether they make those sounds when having sex with their boyfriends.

I am sure the subliminal and implicit messages from parents stay with us. My mum is and always was a strong influence in my life, not always in a good way. Even now, I often worry too much about what she thinks. Partly because she expresses her opinion so strongly. Even in my mid 50’s I find it difficult not to be affected by her. This is clearly stupid since my life is my own to live and anyway who cares what she would think. Mum has the habit of making me feel like I’m 15 again, with one short and cutting sentence. Thank goodness she has no idea I have a sex blog and take part in the activities I do. My history with mum meant that I found it difficult to talk about sex with anyone, including friends and my husband!

Thankfully now I have a relationship where discussing sex is required. To a great extent I have shaken my repression off. Writing this blog helps, because here I can write about an experience and then Master will use it as a source of discussion. I also have real life friends these days with whom I can speak. But strangely it is easier for me to discuss BDSM and kink than it is actual sex.

I guess it is difficult to shed the psychological influences of our teenage years. It certainly has been for me. Does this distress me? Not really, I am more frustrated. About the baggage I still carry and also the way I still allow my mum to control me. That isn’t all sex related but it is definitely part of the issue.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: P

P is for porn

I am not a massive consumer of porn and generally feed my desires through books, blogs, twitter and tumblr. For me the written word is as much as a turn on as pictures and videos. I don’t always need to see a visual image to be aroused by it. I love good erotic fiction, short stories on blogs or longer ones I can read on my kindle app.

Books and novelettes

There are so many wonderful erotic books around, thanks perhaps to kindle and other e-readers. Also, dare I say it to the mainstreaming of kink through 50 shades of Grey, though I only managed part of the first book myself. I particularly like BDSM related books, and prefer they are at least a couple of hundred pages in length. Fiction needs to be more than rich man meets young skinny girl and leads her into kinky ways. A kind of naughty Mills and Boone romance. More substance and realism is required. This means that finding a good read that is also kinky is a challenge, though not one that is insurmountable.

Blogs and twitter

Blogs were the medium through which I learned about BDSM, M/s relationships and kink in general. Kink related blogs led me to start my own almost exactly 5 years ago. I particularly like to read factual encounters and experiences, but also admire the great fiction bloggers write. Erotic photography is something I am quite new to, and have to admit that I enjoy looking at and taking some more pornographic photos. Master loves to both take and look at them too, and this is something we can do together. Participation in Sinful Sunday and February Photofest has certainly helped.

As I grow my twitter community, both in terms of who I follow and those that follow me, I enjoy it more and more. I love that I can find new blogs and websites through posted links.  Most of this is pretty soft porn though and is really what I prefer.

Tumblr

Some porn pictures can be quite a turn off, especially the really fake stuff on Tumblr. Women pretending they are tied up and gagged. Men in suits with some blond bit of stuff, naked between their legs. But with a bit of perseverance you can find some extremely raunchy and real stuff to view. Again I keep my porn reasonably soft, though towards the BDSM end. Restraint, control, impact play and submissive acts turn me on.

Sadly I don’t know how much longer I will be able to participate in this kind of pornography, since moves are afoot to make some of the things I like to read and view illegal. But till then I will continue to get my thrills the way I do.

SCC Prompt #179 – Pornography

The idea of having sex in front of a camera doesn’t worry me at all. Our sex is usually pretty kinky and is heavily overlaid with our M/s dynamic. During sex I tend to feel myself slipping into a lovely slave place and during that time our conversation is all about his power and my submission. In many ways, I think it would be good and pretty erotic to be able to look back at that and see myself and him outside of that moment. What I would be less keen about would be having a film of us having sex made available for just anyone to watch. I think I would rather keep it private, for just us.

I have only once been in a room when others had sex and when I was having sex with them and with my own partner. It was something of a unique experience that I wouldn’t necessarily say no to repeating, but that I wouldn’t rush into either. Having said that, yes it was an erotic experience and something of a major turn on. I think watching other have sex would be fun in the right setting and being watched would be something that I wouldn’t say no to either.

I don’t think it will ever happen that I will feel threatened by Master watching porn. It is funny that I didn’t always feel quite like this. I took the view that porn was something quite dirty, and couldn’t understand why hubby would want to do such a thing. Partly this is because I don’t really like the way most porn is contrived to look like something it clearly isn’t. I don’t like the posing, but it serves a clear purpose. Over the years though I have found that photos and film of pornography can be interesting and erotic. Perhaps I have lost some of the inhibitions I clearly had in the past, I have matured and discovered more about myself and my needs. There are a number of elements of sex that I didn’t enjoy with hubby, that I now do so acknowledging that pornography is one of them is no big deal.

When Master is looking at pornography when I am sitting or lying next to him, I often watch too. We both find this erotic and quite often it leads us onto touching, stroking and kissing each other and then more.

My preference is to see other submissive women who don’t look like they are being paid to do so, but rather look like this is part of their real life. I also like to see the Dominant / submissive dynamic played out whether during sex or other elements of BDSM. There is a whole world out there, often through Tumblr and when I see something I don’t like I just move on. If he is looking at something I don’t like, then I leave him to it. If I am allowed.

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