Mind and body

A two pin plug and socket. The word body at the top and the word mind beneath

During the course of this relationship I and we have had some amazing times. It is definitely the case that I have had more sex during the past 5 years than I had during the previous 30. But we have had some lean periods during that time, when my, his or our mind and body don’t work together. Sometimes the body is willing and able but for emotional or psychological reasons sex doesn’t happen. More frequently though, the problem has been physical.

Emotional and psychological health

We are in the fortunate position that we live together and neither of us are working. This wasn’t always the case and certainly until last summer tiredness was a major factor for me. I had spent a couple of years juggling a demanding job, preparing to move and care for my widowed mum. On top of that were the not to be underestimated effects of the menopause. Feeling exhausted doesn’t necessarily mean sleep comes easily and even if you fall asleep hot flashes and night sweats make you wake again. Additionally, anxiety about the end of my marriage and decisions about the house often caused me to lie awake at night.

Master tends not to be troubled by an inability to sleep. Though from time to time he struggles to get enough sleep, he certainly needs far more of it than me.

Tiredness has interfered with my sexual appetite and for a long time I felt I could take or leave sex. Luckily, Master often wanted to take it and has some ingenious ways of getting me in the mood. Being his slave means that I rarely say no to him, even if I don’t feel much like it. Not because I can’t refuse him, but because I have made a commitment with him which I want to honour. In the past I might have said no and turned over. But now I wait to see how my body responds first. Often, I start to become aroused even if my brain is saying no and when that happens, who am I to deny my body?

Physical health

There is no doubt that physical health problems have got in the way of our ability to enjoy an active sex and kinky life. The first issue we encountered was Master’s frozen shoulder. This made it difficult for him to find a comfortable position on top of me . It also made impact play painful for him. We had to adapt our favoured positions, which led to the purchase of the swing. But really it wasn’t until he recovered that things returned to normal.

A physical effect of the menopause was pain during PIV sex. Luckily this didn’t coincide with the frozen shoulder, when I was often on top. There were times when my vagina would go into spasm as soon as his cock came anywhere near me. This caused pain and a lot of upset. I am so luck that Master is a patient man, who happens to love touching me with his fingers and mouth. Also of course there is plenty I can do with my mouth too. Thankfully those, I think menopause related issues have disappeared and sex is pain free.

Strangely my mastectomy and subsequent treatment have had limited effect on us. Within a couple of weeks of the operation we were able to have sex again, though he was scared of causing me pain. For me, position was an issue and I couldn’t lie on my right side of lean on my right arm. These have mostly resolved, though I still can’t lie on my right side for any length of time.

Our ability to play has probably been affected, partly because we haven’t wanted to go to events while treatment was ongoing. But also because I have been very tired over the past months. Daily trips to the hospital and lack of sunlight over the winter months have affected him too.

Ageing

We intend to grow older together and we now know some of the things we might encounter. His ability to ejaculate frequently is already something that happens. I can come many many times for his once and so we make that one time meaningful. Our bodies take time to recover from exercise and activity. We don’t always have the energy that we think we should.

But recognising the effect of mind and body over our ability to have a fulfilling sex life and relationship bode well for the future. We’ll certainly keep going in whatever way we can for as long as we can.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: V&W

It was all going so well. Catching up on the 30 day challenge wasn’t a problem when I was just a day behind. Then leading up to T and U I got myself ahead. I had every intention of continuing in this vein, but work and my social life took over so. Now as the challenge ends today 30th April I find myself requiring V, W, X, Y and Z to complete the thing. As with all of these things planning is the key and if there is one thing I am bad at, it is planning. Actually, no that’s not quite true. I plan well, but if planning includes much more than writing a list, then I am often scuppered. And with this thing, I didn’t even do that.

But I am no quitter (except for the 365 question challenge and 2016 February Photofest so perhaps I am) so here, briefly are V to Z.

V is for vaginismus

Just recently vaginal sex has become painful, and at times I mean really painful. It’s like that bit of my body just doesn’t want anything inside it. There have been times too when I am dry, this can easily be put down to the menopause, and with sufficient foreplay resolved. We can use lubricants for that, but haven’t needed to. Master is, well the master of foreplay and knows how to get my juices going. It might sometimes take longer but it happens. He can explore my body with his fingers, use his mouth and tongue. But as soon as his cock tries to push its way in my muscles seem to clamp shut.

I am not entirely what to do about this problem, but don’t think there is a physical problem with my body. I had a smear less than a year ago and all was good. There is no pain the rest of the time and no bleeding. Therefore it must be psychological. I am sure together we will explore ways of getting over this problem, but for now it is a real pain. Well in the vagina.

I am self diagnosing Vaginismus, but am not entirely sure.

W is for weekends

More and more I find week days an interruption of the pleasure of my weekends. My working week is 4 days, but in truth 3 would be better now. We try to balance travel and social activities with some down time. We find that if we are too busy then we get too tired for sex and play. But then if we don’t have much planned we tend to vegetate and then get little achieved.

One of the best things about weekends is that there is often the chance to get away somewhere. Frequently this necessitates a hotel stay (we have a low threshold for not returning home). Most recently we travelled to the south coast on Friday to see Master’s daughter in a university show.

I love hotel bathrooms and the lovely bathrobe they sometimes loan you (if loan is the right word). Yesterday morning when Master was showering I lazed on the bed and took these. 

These photos are perhaps the clearest indication of the way my life has changed over the past 3 years. They show how I can relax in a way I previously never could. They show a luxury I couldn’t previously enjoy and a happiness I wasn’t always privy to.

Now I just need to sort out one, hopefully little problem.

XY&Z to follow in the next post

Horny on Sunday

Leads to Masturbation on Monday. This post is the narrative behind yesterday’s Sinful Sunday post.

We had spent time painting, finishing off the walls in the hall and stairs that we had started before Christmas. Some areas were places that we had missed and others were scuff marks from things being moved in an out when my son stored his belongings in the house between flat moves.

Over lunch we discussed perhaps leaving the paintwork and getting someone in to finish the job for us. I want to get moving on the house sale, but don’t really want to put in the time and effort any more. We want to relax and enjoy ourselves at the weekends and also have some fun and a life.

Sitting on the sofa after lunch Master suddenly appeared in front of me, unzipped his trousers and revealed a hard cock. Of course I put down the laptop and leaned forward to take him into my mouth. He pushed the full length of his shaft into my mouth and I felt the tip brush the back of my throat. He instructed to just hold it in my mouth. As I did so, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the large phalanx filling me and felt my cunt begin to throb a little in response. Pulling away he instructed me to strip my clothes off and bend over. I took off trousers, panties and socks and bent over the sofa and he used his fingers to ready my vulva for his entry. I was surprisingly dry.

His fingers felt rough on my pink and dry cunt and he lubricated them by licking them. I exclaimed that I hate the way in which the menopause is having this kind of effect on my body and he acknowledged that the taste of me has become more intense. Not to be put off though he persevered with stroking me, caressing  my clitoris and pushing his finger and then two inside. Part of me wanted to pull away at that moment, sometimes I have to resist the urge to give in to the idea that my libido is reducing and that I can take or leave him. I am his slave and saying no doesn’t come easy, however he is a very understanding Master. But no, I wanted this, he wanted it and inside my body was telling me that it wanted this too.

Suddenly he was able to push inside through the tightness and I felt the juices suddenly flow. Not quite flood gates, but sufficient for the lubrication that was necessary. He felt for my tits and squeezed my nipples, and at the same time withdrew his cock and pushed back inside.

He withdrew and instructed me to mount him. I stripped off my remaining clothes and sat astride of him as he lay on the floor. His cock slid into my easily now, as I no longer tight and dry provided the necessary natural lubricant.

I felt an orgasm begin to rise from deep inside and he moved his fingers to the now engorged clit telling me that I could come in 10. He began to count down and I had to concentrate on the numbers so as not to release too soon.

Finally on the word CUM, I did so, the relief immense and the fluids gushing from me in the usual way. Not yet too old to enjoy sex on a Sunday afternoon and still feeling horny I settled down for a pleasant Sunday evening with my man.

 

365 Questions – Day 37; Torture

If you could do today over, would you change anything? 

 
Maybe I wouldn’t wake up at 4am having a night sweat – the misery of the menopause – then I wouldn’t have struggled to get out of bed this morning. On the other hand, maybe I would change the day from one that I had to work, to one where I was tortured like this………
 
 
 
 

Cooling off

It is not unusual these (menopause) days to feel the need to push the duvet off of me so that I can cool off. In this photo too, I love that you can see 3 of the signs of my status as slave to Master – collar, cuff and nipple piercing.

Disorganised

For all of my working life I have often been surprised about my ability to retain information and to organise myself. Give me a while in a job and I can give the impression of being an expert – I like to read around the topic, I listen and observe. I was recruited to my current job because I really do have an expertise and despite a while away from this field I was able to impress at interview. I like to write lists, but generally they are not required – I come back to them later and tick everything off as I have already done them. I tend to know where things are, I can picture in my head where I last saw them. I have an electronic diary, but I don’t need to look in it, as I know what I am doing.

The trouble is that at the moment, while I am still able to speak with knowledge and authority on my subject (I haven’t forgotten it just yet), I am forgetting other important things. Forgetting to do things, despite writing them down (perhaps I should look at that list), getting muddled with what is and isn’t in my diary and this week I missed a deadline. On Wednesday I attended a meeting I had wrongly turned up to on the previous day (confused that it was not in my diary for Tuesday I actually added it in!) Later that day, I disbelieved the time of a meeting in my diary and was subsequently 20 minutes late. Later still I spent 45 minutes looking for some papers which later turned up at home (even when I was looking I had a hunch that I might know where they were).

I am getting stressed with my sudden lack of organisational skills, this is so not like me. I am also getting anxious when I can’t contact him, or I try to and for whatever reason he doesn’t respond. I hate this to happen and feel that I should get on with being at work as I always have and not seek contact at all.

Sir is getting worried about me and I really don’t like to do that.  He worries all of this is in some way linked to me giving up control in other ways.  Perhaps that could partly be true. But also I think it might be linked to the menopause which appears to be gathering momentum.

After 8 months without a period, during which time I had a reasonable number of hot flushes which were irritating. Things settled and for 2 months it was like I was back to normal. But this last month, no period and constant hot flushes and night sweats. Plus my mood is distinctly hormonal – up and down like a yo yo.

While I am loving the opportunity to give up control in many areas of my personal life with Sir. I do not need to give up control at work, and I do not need the stress that goes with it.  Whatever the cause I need to find better ways of managing these feelings. Better ways of coping.

Sir is going to be away for a few weeks soon and will be on a different time zone. He will have other priorities and I don’t want to cause him stress. I also don’t want to cause myself this level of stress. I need to sort myself out.

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