A landmark event for MPB – Public Play

Sunday was our second visit to CMnf. This twice yearly event, held at a kink club is for Male Dominants and female submissives and is one where the man is clothed, the female naked.

This was actually our third visit to the club because we also attended a pre-Christmas event. On both previous visits one or other of us had been in the throws of a cold / virus or just recovering. This time though we were both fully fit and so Sunday marked our first public play event. Master took along some of his favourite toys to use on his slave.

Arrival

As soon as we arrived, I went off to change. Last time, it was pretty cold in the main play / seating area and so I decided to wear stockings and heels. I was otherwise naked. My fellow female subs and slaves ranged from being totally naked to wearing body jewellery, under breast corsets and other lingerie. The men of course were all wearing suits. It took me just moments to lose any inhibitions and as I sat chatting I forgot I and they were naked.

A main topic was the previous weekend’s eroticon as a number of us had been there. It was lovely to catch up with Molly, Michael and Cara and Sub Bee and her partner among others. Except for Cara who was there for the first time, the others are seasoned CMnf attendees. We also chatted to a couple of other couples we have met there before. To be frank, I am beginning to feel I really belong there.

Public Play Time

We hadn’t eaten lunch before arriving at the club on Sunday. Caused by drinking a little too much wine, a late night and losing an hour’s sleep. So we waited until we had eaten a little of the buffet provided. Meantime, we watched others playing, chatted and Master kept me warm with a few strokes of his fingers.

At last it was time for us to play. He wanted to violet wand me first so cuffed and blindfolded me and secured me while seated to a bench. I struggled to relax. It was such a long time since we had indulged in impact play and it was going on all around me. I wanted to enjoy the violet wand and to take the orgasms granted me, but needed impact more.

So we moved to a bench that I could lie on. As the flogging began, I began to relax and enjoy my submission in a way I haven’t in such a long time. As usual I have little idea of the toys he used. Some were more pleasant than others but all were received with pleasure and relief. Well, maybe not pleasure exactly but certainly they were welcome. I noticed the sound of other floggers and impact objects hitting my fellow subs. Sometimes everything appeared to hit home in unison. I found the sounds comforting.

Afterwards I felt floaty in a way I haven’t in a long time. I actually refused an orgasm during play, but had been given several earlier that morning.

Thoughts

For a long time I have been anxious that public play would make me self aware in a way I didn’t like. Even knowing I am an exhibitionist who has previously enjoyed public humiliation. My fears were not recognised and I absolutely loved the experience. It helped to have been able to get to know the environment, the people and to watch others. But now it has happened to me, I want this much more. I really hope that Master decides to take me to other places where we can play in public but that we return to CMnf next time.
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Thoughts on my blog, sex and coffee

The blog

Thank goodness I have now pretty much sorted out the blog. Losses mainly amount to a few posts and a lot of lovely comments. But lesson learned and time to move on. There is still some blog tagging to do, but no hurry with that. It has made me think however, about posts, pages and writing in general as I move forward.

The Smut Marathon, which I haven’t written about until now, is giving me cause to question my writing style. Over time, people have commented on and praised my direct style of writing. This has emerged over time, I think, because the papers I produce for work need to be like that. Too much story telling and narrative is not really required or wanted. This gives me a problem when it comes to detail for fiction, or even to be honest factual blog posts.

Back to the Smut Marathon which has now reached the second voting round. Without going into any detail (which is not allowed), I have made some observations about writing style. I am in awe of those able to produce such wonderful erotic flash fiction. The level of detail some people achieve in 100 words is fantastic and also very hot. It gives me something to work on, but makes me question my own writing style. Often, even factual posts are short on detail, mainly because I write in something of a hurry. But also because I tend to forget stuff. Something I think, to do with my personality type – get in there, get to the point and get out kind of stuff. But this whole experience is causing me to reflect and take stock. Even if I don’t get through to the next round, I will continue to take something from the experience.

Page updates

I managed to retrieve the pages on my previous blog. These are mainly about me, and my previous and current relationships. I have been sex / relationship blogging for 5 years next month, so this is the right time for a page review. I have had to strip out many links from the pages because they don’t work any more. But I know Master likes these because it helps him gauge where I and indeed we are going relationship wise. Therefore I am going to reorder the pages and start something new for this year onwards. We really (at last) are getting to the point where final preparations are taking place for us to move in together.

Sex and coffee

Apologies to Marie But this next bit will be my attempt to incorporate this post into this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt.

There was a time when I had pretty much given up coffee. At the beginning of the day, I would drink green tea. After all it is meant to be good for you. Unsatisfying, but purifying and good for you. Before I met Master, and having given up instant coffee, I would rarely drink a cup of filter coffee. This would usually have been bought in a shop. Over the past 4 years though I have increasingly enjoyed that coffee at home in the mornings. I doubt I would give it up now, whatever the health benefits of an alternative. I especially like coffee  at his place, since he bought a proper bean to cup machine. That coffee is to die for.

Added to that, is the fact that our sex life generally occurs in the mornings (something I have written about quite a lot). It is not the coffee that makes us have sex, nor vice versa. But the thought of good coffee persuades us out of bed after sex. Leading, in my mind to an association between the two.

I love sex with him, and I love his coffee machine and I love him. Excellent reasons for moving in!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

300

How long does it take to reach 300?

300 what, I hear you say. To walk or swim 300 metres is relatively easy. 300 are letters more difficult to write.

What about 300 posts on a blog. That took me just over 2 years and 2 relationships (3 if you include the marriage I was still in at the time). Looking back at my 300th post, I remembered the happiness, pain and sadness of the time.

Master was away in the USA at the time, visiting his then LDR slave. Back then, I was not his primary concern, but he had days before asked me to be slave rather than submissive. I don’t know why, but yes seemed the right thing to say even though I didn’t know what it really meant. Perhaps something inside us both told us that we were on the correct journey. My 300th post then, in hindsight feels significant.

Rebel’s 300th Wicked Wednesday is something surely to be proud of. If I wrote my blog every day (which I doubt I could), I could reach 300 posts in under a year. But 300 Wicked Wednesdays is over 5 years. That is around the length of time I have been blogging (give or take a few weeks).

For 6 years in June, Wicked Wednesday has been running. For all of those 300 weeks I owned a blog and could have posted. Of course, I came along much later and anyway haven’t posted every week since. But 300 Wicked Wednesdays is not only a lot to write for, it is a major task to administer and manage. I am in awe of Marie Rebelle for doing just that. Writing, managing and administering Wicked Wednesday for 300 weeks. Offering us inspiring prompts and encouraging us bloggers all the way. Long may Wicked Wednesday continue.  I hope to contribute to many of the next 300.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The missed flight

 

Facing the prospect of having so much more than a tub of aqueous cream confiscated G asked if he could miss the flight. Not wanting to travel alone, I asked for my case to be unloaded. As the flight took off, we were hiring another car and rebooking our flight.

Later that day, we checked two pieces of luggage onto a flight at an airport about 50 miles away. No one asked to see inside and we collected them from the conveyor at the end of our journey.

The irony is: It was so cold in the apartment in France, that none of the toys had actually been used that trip!
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

 

First experience

I was nearly 50 before I had my first experience. Of sex with a man other than my husband and of anal sex. We had known each other just a few weeks and had met just the once. In a probably not to be recommended encounter, I met, had sex and slept the night with a man I had only chatted to online and by phone. But things went well, we got on well together. Enjoyed each others company as well as lusting after each other. What is more, the sex was better than anything I had experienced in a long time. Perhaps ever.

A couple of weeks later I went back for more. This time I travelled to his place. I sucked him, he fucked me senseless and then we had anal sex. He knew I was an anal virgin and I knew that he wanted to take that particular cherry. We had discussed my willingness to have anal at length and I had trained myself for those couple of weeks with a butt plug.

My only experience of anal sex before meeting S was in some of the kinky books I read. Generally the dominant man considered taking his submissive girl’s arse as the ultimate prize. Perhaps the same was true of S. While I in turn wanted to give it a try, to learn and experience new things.

He was clearly experienced and led me gently through the build up to the main event. He attended to my orgasm needs, stroked me, kissed me and made me feel like I needed to feel his cock in that forbidden place. Any pain I felt on that day (and I am sure it did hurt a little) pales into insignificance when I consider the lasting benefits. That first experience helped me see the intimacy that can come from anal sex. The trust that is needed so that I could relax enough for him to find his way inside that most secret of places. Then the resulting orgasm that seemed in some way different from any other.

That first experience probably paved the way for me to become the submissive I am now. S and I continued to have great sex and for him that tended to include anal. I enjoyed it and complied. But there were problems with the relationship, mainly that we wanted and needed different things. Looking back sex with S was predictable, starting with  me on my knees sucking him and some time later (hours or the next day) with anal.

I don’t suppose any partner wants to think of their lover having sex with an ex. But Master says that he is grateful to S for teaching me about anal. It meant I was ready, able and willing soon after we met. For us anal is something very special. It brings out the slut, the bitch in me. It is dirty and forbidden but it feels the most intimate of sexual acts. We don’t do it often, indeed we haven’t in some time. But when we do it is one of the ways in which Master expresses his ownership of me, his slave.

This post is cross linked to Wicked Wednesday for the prompt ‘The Ex’ and to Kink of the Week for the prompt ‘Anal Sex’.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Review of 2017 and recommendations for 2018 (part 1)

So the end of the year is nigh. For me, this year has been a little bit strange. I started with hope and expectation and end, well with hope and expectation. Meanwhile I have travelled to new places, enjoyed new and very different experiences. But in many ways life remains the same. Perhaps 2018 then?

January

On January 1st I posted my predictions for the year ahead. I truly believed that this year I would sell the house and move in with Master. But mum deciding to move closer to my brother plus my ex’s parter wanting to buy my share of ours changed that. We have travelled to new places – Brussels, Toulouse and Alsace – Lorraine. But as for living together, hopefully next year.

February

On Feb 18th I shared the move to my own domain on Sinful Sunday. I completely underestimated the amount of work involved in a self hosted blog. But to be honest it has been worth it. I have a freedom here that I never experienced before. It is easier to manage than blogger and the move has helped me to express that freedom. Sinful Sunday is a wonderful meme run and hosted by Molly Moore on her blog Molly’s Daily Kiss. Within hours of my move, Molly’s husband Michael, web master extraordinaire  had identified some security issues on the blog (due to my naive ineptitude in the main) and helped me fix them. Sadly Michael doesn’t write very much these days, but when he does, the posts are well worth a read. Passionate, deeply sexy, serious or fun as the need arises.

March

On 6th March I shared my thoughts on our Eroticon experience. For the first time we had mixed with other kinky people. The weekend organised by Molly, Michael and Girl on the Net was almost overwhelming. We met new people, but found it difficult to interact with strangers. I learnt so much about writing and blogging, but have been almost too scared to put that learning into practice. But it was a real learning experience and this coming March I think we will take advantage of the experience so much more. I met many of the bloggers I admire at Eroticon but sadly didn’t speak to all of those I should have. For example Jerusalem Mortimer and Silver Dom

April

At the very end of March it was Master’s birthday. He decided to celebrate by taking us to the Secret Dungeon. In April I joined the Blogging A-Z challenge and introduced photos from the dungeon on 1st. Then described more of the environment and experience on 5th  – D for dungeon. To be honest it was an important time for us both. We were able to explore our kink in a way we hadn’t for a very long time. We created memories that have lived with us and what is more, it made us want to return for more. I am not sure if the a-z Challenge will run again in 2018, or if I will participate. But this year I had no shortage of material!

May

One of the things that might put me off of joining a whole month’s challenge such as Blogging A-Z or February Photofest is the potential for running out of steam. By May it was clear this was happening. On 6th May I posted ‘One of those update posts‘. It gave an indication of what was to come. I struggled with ideas and creativity, added to the pressure of normal life. A blogging drought. However May was also the month when Master’s new bathroom was installed, complete with jacuzzi bath! More of that in part 2.

In May too though I had the opportunity to provide the roundup and judge Wicked Wednesday for the first time. This for me was something of a learning experience. Marie Rebelle from Rebel’s Notes has had a difficult year. Coping with the distressing loss of her mum as well as the trauma of a flood in her home. I wasn’t able to meet her at Eroticon as sadly she was unable to travel to London while her mum was unwell. I so admire the work she puts into all elements of her blog, including Wicked Wednesday.  She has launched Smut Marathon, a writing competition, which starts in January.  Taking on the round up of Wicked Wednesday gave me a tiny insight into the lives of bloggers such as Marie and others who give so much to this community. But also it makes me want to contribute too.

June

In June I posted only twice. In my defence, we were on holiday in Alsace – Lorraine in France for 2 weeks of June. But to be honest I was a little out of ideas and had lost my blogging mojo. Reflections, for Sinful Sunday was an easily captured pair of photos. Perhaps though by looking deeper than the mirror and the person reflected within you consider more about the blogger. Why is she doing this? What is she trying to say? More of that in part 2. Tomorrow.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The mark

We have spoken so many times about me getting a tattoo. I know that he loves a woman with tattoos marking her body. In theory I love the idea too and want what he wants. But all along I have had a few worries. First is the fact that his former slave had a number of tattoos. Indeed she had his initials tattooed onto her leg at the very time they were breaking up. I caught both sides of that argument, but suffice to say it didn’t end well. Personally, no matter the dynamic of the relationship you must want this kind of thing for yourself as well as them. I think that another persons initials indelibly inked upon your body take some consideration.For me, well that is not the worry. I think I want symbols rather than initials on my skin. I have Master’s collar and cuff. I have the knowledge that I am owned. I don’t need his initials.

What then? I have been thinking of a butterfly.

A butterfly signifies the beauty of the natural world around us. It shows that as a slave while I want to show off and be proud that he is my Master I also want to settle down beside or on top of him. It demonstrates that while I could easily fly away I choose to stay close, safely by his side.

But also it shows that I am vulnerable and need protection. It seems that I am confident, but in actual fact I am not. I am anxious about the future and need his reassurance.

I am confident that we will get that tattoo. Another sign of his Mastership over me. But also of my freedom to express myself. Where though should that tattoo be?

I am thinking a breast, or buttock or perhaps somewhere else…………

Comments:

  1. Pam owen says:

    I like the idea of a tattoo symbolising your dynamic, i got my first one this year, it was a joint decision on design or where. I loved the idea of buttocks but, my only thought from my side, was I loved marks left from Master, I loved seeing them and felt very proud of them, so having a design there, you will loose seeing marks and seeing the tattoo. Depending on the size of the tattoo as well. I love the idea on breast, a butterfly would look beautiful there. Its funny you mentioned butterflies, ive been looking for designs to cover my scar on my tummy, and found i loved seeing butterflies and flowers together, but i absolutely love your description of the butterfly story along with your dynamics. I agree about innicials tho, yes Ive master on mine but people coukd see it and think its just about the picture, not us.
    Good luck with your search, hope you find something you both like, but remember youre wearing it, and if something awful happened in the future between you, you can still see it and know what it represents for what you want in life. But look forward to hearing more about it xxxx

    Reply
  2. Julie says:

    Thanks Pam,

    I completely agree this has to be something that I am willing to wear for the rest of my life. A butterfly most appeals to me, it is just deciding exactly where it should be is where I am stuck. I need to contact you about labial piercings, we can’t get them done in London due to FGM issues. But will need to leave that to another day!

    Reply
  3. May More says:

    Firstly – thanks for your great comment on my guest post –
    Now it seems many people like butterflies as tattoos – so maybe there would be many designs to choose from. My grown-up child has a Chinese symbol – looks really good. I do not have one, do not want one but love the look and artistry of them…

    Reply
  4. Julie says:

    I never wanted a tattoo. But faced with the idea that someone wants me too have one, I am forced to think about it. Actually I want one and the one I want is a butterfly.

    Happy to comment May, Lapsed Catholic Wife’s post spoke to me and so I needed to say something. I am struck by how much our formative lives impact on the people we are 30 or 40 years later xx

    Reply
  5. May More says:

    I know absolutely – I do have more to say about the whole religion thing – post later on. But I feel so much – even me with what I did in a church – that it is a place that has so many special(spiritual) meanings to a person – even if not brought up with religion – but yes, sometimes because of a life of brainwashing x

    Reply
  6. Oh totally agree . . . butterflies would (may?) do it for me . . . and Sammi obviously feels the same way as well! LOL !!!
    Xxx – K

    Reply
  7. Butterflies are really beautiful! I look forward to some pics once you have chosen a design and place for your tattoo ?

    Rebel xox

    Reply
  8. Julie says:

    If and when I have it done. I will definitely be posting plenty of photos ?

    Reply

Wicked Wednesday review

This week I realised I am still learning about how to write for a blog. I recently offered to help Marie from Rebel’s Notes with the roundup and judging of Wicked Wednesday. She took me up on the offer and this week it was my turn; Marie will publish my top 3 today. The Wicked Wednesday prompt for the following week is posted on Saturday, along with the roundup and top 3 from the previous week.

I have taken part in a number of the regular memes that circulate the sex and kink related blog world, including Wicked Wednesday. They are a great way to focus on a topic, to share with a wider audience and to find new blogs to read. My own preference is posts about real lived experience and also opinion about life, love, sex and kink. Probably because those are the kinds of blog posts I write. Fiction doesn’t come easily to me as a writer and although I read plenty of fictional books of all genres I tend not to do so on blogs. I am not sure why, but when I browse blogs and find short stories I often pass by. That however might change now.

2517 and all that

This week’s prompt was about life 500 years hence in 2517. I fully intended to write a post and wanted to try some fiction, I even started the post. My thoughts centred around the idea that maybe our lives would have become simpler. Technology has advanced beyond recognition in the past 100 years. We use it to communicate, to make life easier, as labour saving devices, and to fight wars. What if communication such as we know it had led to war on such a scale never before seen? What if a re-evaluation of our lives and existence had taken place. I planned to link this to the idea of greater tolerance and the idea that I should be able to live openly as a slave if I wish.

But events in Manchester on Monday kind of derailed my thoughts. Suddenly I found it almost impossible to write about what was really my own utopia. Death, injury, fear, hurt and suffering were at the forefront of my thoughts and so I abandoned my post. I am sorry I did, but not sorry that I still had to read everyone else’s blogs.

Reviewing and judging

There were 12 posts to review, but when I began the judging process I had already read 3 or 4. Of course I needed to go back and refresh my memory and then read the rest. I was impressed by the imagination and creativity that had gone into creating stories around the prompt. Not everyone’s writing was about life in 2517, but a significant number were.

There is such an amazing talent of sex bloggers who write fiction, and to think I had been skipping over their posts. There were also a number of off topic tales and personal reflective posts. The task of judging a top 3 was much harder than I imagined – I chose my top 7 and went to bed late on Thursday night. Friday morning I quickly re-read those and came up with my top 3, in no order. Went out to run a few errands and came back with a clear order.

These were my personal choice, no one else. I fully expect that if another person reviewed the same 12 posts they might come up with a different top 3 or in a different order. But I took my role in this seriously and stand by my own list.

Final thoughts

Most of us blog for fun, a few manage to make money doing it. But what I have learned is that we do take the business of writing seriously. Some of us find writing easier than others, but there are some seriously talented people out there. I feel privileged to have been invited to judge Wicked Wednesday. It took a whole evening and a little more from my life, but it was worth it.  I take my hat off (well would if I were wearing one) to people like Marie who run memes like this every week. They put an enormous amount of work into helping people like me blog. I encourage anyone reading this who blogs to take part.

Still learning

This week I realised I am still learning about how to write for a blog. I recently offered to help Marie from Rebel’s Notes with the roundup and judging of Wicked Wednesday. She took me up on the offer and this week it was my turn; Marie will publish my top 3 today. The Wicked Wednesday prompt for the following week is posted on Saturday, along with the roundup and top 3 from the previous week.

I have taken part in a number of the regular memes that circulate the sex and kink related blog world, including Wicked Wednesday. They are a great way to focus on a topic, to share with a wider audience and to find new blogs to read. My own preference is posts about real lived experience and also opinion about life, love, sex and kink. Probably because those are the kinds of blog posts I write. Fiction doesn’t come easily to me as a writer and although I read plenty of fictional books of all genres I tend not to do so on blogs. I am not sure why, but when I browse blogs and find short stories I often pass by. That however might change now.

2517 and all that

This week’s prompt was about life 500 years hence in 2517. I fully intended to write a post and wanted to try some fiction, I even started the post. My thoughts centred around the idea that maybe our lives would have become simpler. Technology has advanced beyond recognition in the past 100 years. We use it to communicate, to make life easier, as labour saving devices, and to fight wars. What if communication such as we know it had led to war on such a scale never before seen? What if a re-evaluation of our lives and existence had taken place. I planned to link this to the idea of greater tolerance and the idea that I should be able to live openly as a slave if I wish.

But events in Manchester on Monday kind of derailed my thoughts. Suddenly I found it almost impossible to write about what was really my own utopia. Death, injury, fear, hurt and suffering were at the forefront of my thoughts and so I abandoned my post. I am sorry I did, but not sorry that I still had to read everyone else’s blogs.

Reviewing and judging

There were 12 posts to review, but when I began the judging process I had already read 3 or 4. Of course I needed to go back and refresh my memory and then read the rest. I was impressed by the imagination and creativity that had gone into creating stories around the prompt. Not everyone’s writing was about life in 2517, but a significant number were.

There is such an amazing talent of sex bloggers who write fiction, and to think I had been skipping over their posts. There were also a number of off topic tales and personal reflective posts. The task of judging a top 3 was much harder than I imagined – I chose my top 7 and went to bed late on Thursday night. Friday morning I quickly re-read those and came up with my top 3, in no order. Went out to run a few errands and came back with a clear order.

These were my personal choice, no one else. I fully expect that if another person reviewed the same 12 posts they might come up with a different top 3 or in a different order. But I took my role in this seriously and stand by my own list.

Final thoughts

Most of us blog for fun, a few manage to make money doing it. But what I have learned is that we do take the business of writing seriously. Some of us find writing easier than others, but there are some seriously talented people out there. I feel privileged to have been invited to judge Wicked Wednesday. It took a whole evening and a little more from my life, but it was worth it.  I take my hat off (well would if I were wearing one) to people like Marie who run memes like this every week. They put an enormous amount of work into helping people like me blog. I encourage anyone reading this who blogs to take part.

2 Responses to Still learning

  1. I love your words. I try hard not to be turned on by what you say, Sometimes I fail, but I believe that’s OK. <3

  2. Julie says:

    I think that’s fine. Thanks for visiting

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Recollections of the past

A couple of weeks ago I installed a widget that allows random posts from your blog to be reposted to Twitter or Facebook. I had noticed it on a few people’s twitter feed and since I have almost 5 years worth of posts I decided to try it too. Every 12 hours or so a new tweet, with a link appears on my twitter feed. Yesterday this one cropped up. It was liked and retweeted by eye  and then commented on by Rebecca. How strange then that this week’s Wicked Wednesday is about recollections.

That the post entitled ‘Relationships’ was written in March 2013. At the time I was going though a lot of trauma with my ex. He had recently found out about my relationship with S and was pretty keen to point our my shortcomings at every opportunity. When, that is he wasn’t telling me how much he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose me. When I brought up his own infidelity he told me that something that happened 20 years ago didn’t count. The trouble is that the hurt from all that time ago, had never left me. Writing in a bit of detail about being cheated on as a young wife and mother helped put things into perspective.

Infidelity is not something to be taken lightly. We made a promise to each other in front of family and friends. A promise that we would love, honour and cherish each other. I never imagined that he would break that promise quite so quickly. Especially as in the aftermath he pretty much told me I was frigid and boring in bed. More recent events have proved that not to be the case. Embarking on my own journey took some guts, and all of the time I knew I was being unfaithful. I knew that if he every found out, then he would be devastated and so he was.

But the interesting thing about the recollections associated with this post is this. In March 2013, while he continued to make me feel guilty and to try to get me to dump S, my ex was already seeing another woman. They had met at Christmas and were in the early stages of their current relationship. The wronged man was already in another’s arms. For months after that he pretended that he was spending much of his time staying with a male friend. I believed him because it was easy to do so and because I was preoccupied. The man was a liar hypocrite in the early 90’s when I found out about that first affair and still is today.

For the most part I try to look forwards, looking back doesn’t always help. Sometimes recollections of the past can help. My words from 2013 certainly have done that today.

 

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